Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Shady Pines Calling

Nice Dungarees.

I’m not one to point fingers at those who may have outlived their usefulness (Marv Albert? Joe Morgan?? President Bush???), but there has to be a moment in every professional athlete’s career when they realize it’s time to just call it quits. Brett Favre, this is your moment – Embrace It!

This week, Brett was named “2007 Sportsman of the Year” and, what can only be another meaningless honor in a long, magnificent career. At age 38, he led his Packers and their crazy Cheese-head fans to a 10-2 season and continues to draw the big crowds, big endorsements (I’m wearing my Wrangler jeans now), and big dollars. You’re on top of the world Brett…time for you to get off the ride and let someone else take a turn.

I’m not saying Brett should retire from athletics altogether, joining the ranks of the overweight, under-exercised couch-potatoes who have spent years watching his brilliance on the field by only moving their fingers clicking the buttons on the remote control. No one wants a fatty Favre. We have openings in competitive badminton or croquette. But, in terms of a continued professional football career, better to ride out on the glow of excellence rather than a gurney.

Ice skating, anyone?

By throwing yourself, week after week, into the hundreds of pounds of pure muscle coming full-steam at you - that Dallas game hurt to even watch – you’ve got to be thinking, “If I just leave now, I wonder if I can still make the early bird special at Shoney’s.” Why are you still competing season after season? While there is something to be said on any given Sunday, there is also something to be said for having full use of your faculties. Just ask Christopher Reeves (R.I.P.).

So, Brett, do us all a favor after this playoff season – stay in retirement. While you may avenge the Packers over the Cowboys just to lose to the Patriots where it counts in the coming games, you’ll only be making us cringe another season if we have to watch your AARP-eligible greatness get smacked down week after week. I, for one, prefer to reserve my limited cringes to seeing Britney Spears enter and exit automobiles au natureal.

-posted by Woody

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