We talked at length about David Stern's diabolical plan to create the "perfect" NBA specimen. Turns out, he was so happy with the result of his work that he decided to use the physical mold to create also a singer and actor to accompany his athletic creation. Who knows, maybe soon the NBA commish may very well end up heading the MPA and RIAA.
Take a seat, it's recap timeThe competition is getting fierce, and the contestants say they aren't playing the game, but it'd be stupid for them not to. They know they can lose the weight, so edging out the competition will only benefit them in the end.
Rule #1 on Reality TV shows.... trust no one. Always just make sure you're looking out for yourself.
Rule #2 Don't be a hypocrit.... this is TV, everyone will realize and be able to see through you.
Rule #3 There are some unwritten rules of engagement, and people might think you're slime if you break them... but, you'll be the one $250K richer in the end.
If they didn't want you to play a game, then all 18 team members would still be on the ranch losing weight together.
Anyway... Nicole, Ryan, and B win the challenge which gives them each an individual vote at elimination, which in effect gives the three of them the power to vote of whoever they way - if they all vote for the same person. But, they have to make sure they do not fall below the yellow line, which would render that prize void.
(Product placement this week was Milk, brough to you by the National Dairy Council probably... and the Ziplock Seal and Steam microwave bags... I wonder how much S.C. Johnson spent on that one... I mean can they make those any MORE obvious?)
The weigh in: Neil drops 33 pounds... which is not surprising considering he gained 17 in water weight last week to throw the weigh in. Because Isabeau knew Neil would drop so much, she worked to not lose any weight, so that she'd throw up a bigger number next week and hopefully keep herself and Neil (who is usually capable of double digits) out of elimination.
See, this is all strategy... this is all game-playing. Are you here to lose weight? Yes. But are you also here to be the biggest loser? YES! Then you have to play your cards right in order to ensure you stay on the show. That is the bottom line.
Hollie, David, and Kae lose the weigh-in.... but Kae is seriously a machine... she lost another 6 pounds, and looks amazing. Poor David only lost 3 pounds, and has a hell of a lot of weight to lose, so to me he is the obvious target. Though, I though Kae might be an easy person to pick off because she could win the whole thing.
At elimination, Julie, Amy, and Bill vote for David.... which surprised me because Amy was throwing a bitch-fit about getting rid of Kae because they had the opportunity to do so, and if they missed it, she could win. Neil and Isabeau voted for David as well, since neither of them were members of the original Red team. B voted for Kae which didn't surprise me.... but then Nicole's vote for David tipped the scales to send him home.
It's getting more interesting each week. I think B is the dark horse... he flys below the radar, puts up decent numbers, and will have Kim's undivided attention now that he is the only one left training with her.
-posted by Ariel
Bring it in close and give Big Ren a Big Hug.
In no particular order, some chest bump-worthy links at the midweek:
1. Be Dialing, People!: The 10 Most Controversial Don West Comments, A Definitive List (Cats and Beer)
2. RIP Goulet: Parts One and Two (Popjocks)
3. Terry Tate, Eat Your Heart Out: The Compliance Linebacker (SVP Style)
4. Baseball, We miss thee already: 5 Storylines to Follow This Offseason (All on the Field)
5. Wonder Why He’s the Worst Around the Horner?: Bill Plaschke is a hypocrite, again (Obscure Sports Quarterly)
6. They Should be GMs: Check Your Head: Jason Weitzel of BeerLeaguer (We Should Be GMs)
7. The NPH Would Never Do That: Neil Patrick Harris wears costume, poses (Blog of Hilarity)
(Photo: filmiholic.com)8. People Still Watch the NBA: Until tonight, everyone's still undefeated (We Rite Good)
9. More than a few Apparently: San Antonio Spurs: Still Awesome (The Lazy Eye of Stuart Scott)
10. Our Paragon of Virtue: Chris Jericho Speaks with Phillyburbs (The Camel Clutch)
-posted by Ren McCormack
Wowwy wow wow wow!!!! Sabrina Bryan was eliminated last night on DWTS! In a shocking turn of events, the Cheeta girl was sent packing. While her dancing this week was too powerful for the judges liking, her skill and scores should have been more than enough to keep her in the competition. But unfortunately, have of this game is about popularity, and there are way more Marie Osmond fans in this world than Cheeta Girl fans, something I referenced in my very first post about DWTS. You need a large fan base to hang around for a while, and she just didn't have it.
I have to say... I will miss her moves, but.... this leaves a huge hole in the competition, and now it's really anyone's game!
-posted by Ariel
While others were watching MNF - sorry the match-up did nothing for me - I caught more Boston propaganda on TBS' Family Guy rerun featuring Tom Brady.
Best part, though, was Peter's rendition of the Buddy Hackett (HHR fave) classic, Shipoopi.
(Photo: Gerald Smith via IMDB)
A great week on DWTS.... a mix of dances - sort of confused me. I missed like the first few minutes where they explain the night, but whatever.
Mel B, Jenny and Helio did great - they should be safe.
Castroneves showing Tunoili-like enthusiasm.
(photo: SI/CNN.com)
Castroneves showing Tunoili-like enthusiasm.(photo: SI/CNN.com)
Jane and Marie - not so hot. Jane is awesome, but is not versatile enough. She dances too graceful for the high energy stuff. Marie, she's fun loving, but I agree with the judges where this dance was way too safe.
Getting tired of the Cheeta Girl. Her dances are fierce, and she's good, but I totally agreed with Len last night that everything is very sharp, and I just don't think she knows how to be fluid and soft, and graceful.
-posted by Ariel
(Ren notes: Whoever Helio's partner is noted that he is the only "athlete" left in this competition.)
-posted by Ariel
(Ren notes: Whoever Helio's partner is noted that he is the only "athlete" left in this competition.)
Click images to enlarge...
Below: World Series Trophy
Below: World Series Trophy Drive Thru.
Below: I just liked this. This is what it the whole parade felt like to me. If that's too profound or abstract for your ass, don't worry, Power Rankings will be back tomorrow.
Click Photos to enlarge...
Below: Pedroia, bottom right. And that's Yoooooouuuuk in the top right corner, accompanied by an empty box of Natty Light - the official beverages of dirt dogs (and vagrants).
Below: Dice K actually waves to HHR. He is being trailed by every single member of the Japanese media. 
Below: The bullpen band actually brought equipment. This is bizarre. They don't actually know how to play. Yet, what the hell, give them some bongos. They're gonna get drowned out by...
Below: Oh God. Here comes Papelbon. You can probably hear the Dropkick Murphys just by looking at the picture.
Below: Paps was dancing most of the way, but by the time he got to us, he was chillin' with Okajima and playing a broom guitar. Naturally.
Tito's Head says: OBEY
Proof that people will stand in front of anything...
...With anybody.
Channel 7's own Frances Rivera is helpful
From just outside the chief's office: "Freaking 10:30. Unreal."
Like hockey, our current staff isn't that knowledgeable about the NBA. Something about those winter sports, not associated with a March Madness tourney. Soon, we will bring on an NBA writer, Mayor Dooley, but until then we'd like to recommend two of our favorite NBA writers...
One of our new BFFs Benjamin L. Pray over at The Lazy Eye of Stuart Scott, does a helluva job keeping it as cool as the other side of the pillow.
The other is fellow-Garden Stater, Adrian Wojnarowski, NBA columnist for Yahoo! Sports, who you might remember us mentioning authoring one of HHR's favorite sports-related books, The Miracle of St. Anthony: A Season with Coach Bob Hurley and Basketball's Most Improbable Dynasty.
Be sure to check them out until (ok, and after) the Mayor gets going.
Sources: Cowboys to give Romo 6-year extension
from ESPN.com - NFL by Ed Werder (and his creepy pee-pee toucher mustache) and Matt Mosley
"The Dallas Cowboys have offered quarterback Tony Romo a six-year, $69 million contract extension, $31 million which is guaranteed, according to sources."Just in time for his annual second-half breakdown.
Papelbon headlines Sox parade
By Associated Press
Jonathan Papelbon will take his wacky Irish jig on the road Tuesday when the Boston Red Sox hold their World Series victory parade.
Oh those wacky Irish dancers.
I got no words. But I WILL have excellent pictures of the Sox parade in Boston as my office window is directly on the parade route.
Until then, this is all I can say...
-posted by the chief
Much to my dismay, the Boston Red Sox are the World Champions. This post is about as close to a congratulations as they will get from me.
In July, I did a running diary of Jon Lester's return to the mound after a battle with cancer. I am reposting the blog as a tribute to Lester and testicular cancer survivor and World Series MVP Mike Lowell. I still f'n hate Boston.
Screw you cancer.
-posted by Fat Willard
I can't comment on the whole A-Rod opt out because I don't have all the information. First, they made an offer, then they didn't. Even after they said they weren't going to, but that was before they needed to save face from the Torre debacle. Announcing Giradi as the manager today will be like announcing there will be morning shuttlecock games on the back deck of the Titanic as it sinks. Yes, I just used the word shuttlecock.
This is from our friend over at The Lazy Eye of Stuart Scott.
A-Rod and Kobe are birds of a feather.
Brian Baldginer from Eagles and Vikings game:
"The way Mcnabb is throwing the ball now, you need to put the ball in his hands."
So he is saying the center should snap the ball to the quarterback? Genius.
Just don't put it in Baldinger's hands. That pinky might pop the ball.
Nice Mom Jeans Dingy
Jesse Palmer was downright giddy to be interviewing Tim Tebow on this morning's College Game Day, telling Tebow how there are these "Facebooks" out there with "blogs" saying that "Superman wears Tim Tebow pajamas." Now we aren't hip enough to have these "Facebook" things (read: we are old). But at the very least we know they are quite popular amongst the kids. Palmer's enthusiasm/excitement made these "blogs" out to be somewhat groundbreaking with their "facts" about Tebow. Gee where have we seen those before? Journalism at its finest.
Lastly, Palmer noted that in his days at Florida they won quite a few games, but he doesn't remember people catching Jesse Palmer Fever the way they've caught Tim Tebow Fever.
Simple explanation: They were too busy catching Jesse Palmer Gonorrhea.
Visa and Commerce Bank want to send someone to the Super Bowl. That's sweet of them. They want to get people excited. They want people to know the tickets are good. Not just good, amazing. Up close to the action. Practically on the field. 
Look how close they are!!! This could be YOU at the SUPER BOWL. You will practically be another lineman. Belichick's camera crew can't even get this close. You can smell the sweat of the players. The coconut fragrance of Shanahan's tanning lotion. They are primed. They are hungry. Good lord, I think my underwear is moist I am so excited.
This is the Super Bowl!!!! The (possible) AFC Champion New England Patriots against the (possible) AF...C....CHA..mpi...on...Wait..How the hell can the Pats and Broncos play in the Super Bowl?
They can't. Every sports fan knows that. Apparantly no one at Commerce or Visa seems to know or care. Coming from a marketing background, this drives me nuts. This ad had to be approved by probably forty different people. And no one caught this mistake?
Visa is a proud sponsor of the NFL. They just don't know anything about it.
-posted by Fat Willard
Finally, we find out courtesy of our favorite site SPORTSbyBROOKS "who screwed Bret."
It appears obvious that Bret might be coming to the realization that Bret screwed Bret.
Click here for the Brooks story.
This comes from one of our new faves DCScrap of Our Book of Scrap and Epic Carnival acclaim:
If HHR has convinced you to try something new and make the Breeders' Cup a part of your Saturday, you are in for a treat before Halloween.
The Breeders' Cup Classic, which will determine the Horse of the Year, will be on ESPN Classic by Sunday.
First and sixth place may be determined by a neck. The lineup is as stacked as Kim Kardashian, but with talent.
The horses are all equal with speed and class. The key to the race will be pace and conditions.
Hard Spun and Lawyer Ron will take the lead, but they will not be able to run away with it with Street Sense, Any Given Saturday and Curlin in prime positions to stalk the leaders. In my brain, which is burnt out after studying only seven of the races, Lawyer Ron will be exhausted from the poll position and the extra mud along the fence. Hard Spun will make an effort, but will be gassed with the other horses pushing his pace and at this distance.
It will all come down to who will be able to break free from the pile around the second turn. Although Curlin will be on the outside around the first turn, with Lawyer Ron, Street Sense and Any Given Saturday on his inside, Curlin will have plenty of room around the second turn to break free from the pack with also rans George Washington, Awesome Gem and Diamond Stripes all to his immediate right from the gate.
Curlin is my Breeders' Cup Classic pick.
Look for Tiago on the outside waiting to pick the field apart. I saw him destroy my trifecta in the Santa Anita Derby with a sensational closing run. I wouldn't put it past him to do it to me again. Then again, seven of the nine horses running have cost me money in some form.
For the bettors:
Any horse minus 5,6 to win.
Pick 6, see above.
Try a $.10 superfecta box and pick five horses = $12
It’ll be Ladies’ Day at the track Saturday in the 9th race at Monmouth when a group of good looking fillies and mares get together for the Breeder’s Cup Distaff. At 1 and 1/8 miles, it’s a fairly long race. Plus, the forecast is calling for rain and more rain. So the track figures to be a little sloppy. Hope these girls don’t mind getting their dresses a little dirty, because this one figures to be a 12 girl mud wrestling free-for-all.
Before looking at the field, there was some disappointing news that Panty Raid (who our friends at 100% Injury Rate introduced us to) will not be running in the Distaff. She would not only have been the most cleverly named horse in the field, but she’s also a pretty fine equine to boot.
Because horses can be such temperamental creatures, mud and grime can be a huge x-factor in handicapping. Some horses love it, some would like to avoid it like the plague. Also, the jocks tend to get a little messy themselves.
To that end, it looks like only four horses in the field have ever run on muddy or sloppy tracks (Prop Me Up, Tough Tiz’s Sis, Ginger Punch, and Octave). So there’s really not much to go on in terms of judging the fields’ past performance in the slop.
Todd Pletcher trained Indian Vale (3-1 ML) enters the Distaff as the favorite, running out of the 10th slot. However, I like 4 horse Ginger Punch (7/2 ML) better, if for nothing else because it sounds like a tasty fine beverage Dunbar would serve. She’s 12 for 13 lifetime in the money. Plus, she’s managed to win three graded stakes races this year (one G2 and two G1’s). She finished third her last time out at 1 1/8 miles on September 30th at Belmont – just three weeks off winning at 1 1/16 miles on the same track. I’m thinking the extra week off before tomorrow’s race will give her the fuel to finish this race off.
Looking to spoil Ginger Punch is the 5 horse Lady Joanne (6-1 ML). The KY bred Lady will be ridden by the crazy Cajun Calvin Borel – the two have formed a dynamite duo over their past 6 races together, finishing 1st or 2nd in each test.
Rev. Shaw knows Dunbar does little to hide his love of Gingers.My mad bomber pick is the aptly named Hystericalady (8-1 ML) running from post 12. She’s run well in several graded stakes versus competition she will face tomorrow. Plus, she won a G2 stakes race at Monmouth on August 25th by an impressive 6 ¼ lengths. She runs hard early, so it may be tough for her to keep up the pace, but I look for her to break the top 3 or four.
For the bettors:
Pick 6: 4 - 5
Trifecta box: 4, 5, 12
Superfecta box: 4, 5, 10, 12
-posted by Rev. Shaw Moore
I love the Sprint, and I love GOOOOLLLDD!!! (Kinda like Scoop).
Dunbar appears none-to-scared to wager with the freaky-deaky-Dutch.(photo: USAToday.com)
Normally, I don't bet on gray horses. But, Greg's Gold provides the consistency and the stalking ability that I am looking for in this race. It would nice if he had a better post position, but with all the slop that is going to be on the course (thank you New Jersey) and the speed on the inside, I'm sure he will be fine around the one turn. Consider him the Carl Lewis of horses.
I also have my eye on Midnight Lute, aka Michael Johnson, he will be the favorite by putting up the highest speed figure by far. My concern is that he will be baited into a quicker pace than what he wants with tough competitors surrounding him.
Others to look out for, Kelly's Landing, also known as Marion Jones, he has been out since March. Possibly doing steriods because of an illness. Talent Search (Maurice Greene) may steal this one by jumping to the lead and holding it on the slop.
For the bettors:
10 to win
5 across the board
2, 10 for the Pick 6
-posted by C.R. Dunbar
10 points: OHIO STATE (7-0) at Penn State (6-2): The Buckeyes are rolling right now. Surprise, surprise. No reason to think they’ll be stopped this week.
9 points: California (5-2) at ARIZONA STATE (7-0): Tale of two teams going in opposite directions: Arizona State is as red-hot as any team in the country, while Cal (who figured prominently in the national title race just weeks ago) has lost two straight games. By the way, I love how PAC-10 teams keep taking chances on Dennis Erickson (Wash. St., Oregon St., Arizona St.). Here’s hoping he gets the chance to coach all 10 before he retires. I think that would be a record.
8 points: South Carolina (6-2) at TENNESSEE (4-3): In keeping with the theme of this football season, South Carolina (who was in control of the SEC East division) lost last week to perennial SEC doormat Vanderbilt. As an interesting side note, it was also the Ol’ Ball Coach’s first ever loss to Vandy.
For the second straight week, it looks like a team from the Volunteer State will beat So. Carolina. Close game, but Tennessee prevails at home.
7 points: Kansas (7-0) at TEXAS A&M (6-2): Feel good story Kansas has surprised a bunch of people with their play so far, including yours truly. Texas A&M, meanwhile, seems to have gotten back to what they do best, which is run over people for four quarters.
But even if the Aggies do win this game, is there even the slightest chance coach Dennis Franchione keeps his job after this year? For future reference: a subscription insiders-only newsletter to boosters where you give away publicly undisclosed information about your team is not a good idea, especially when you start losing games and those same boosters leak your illegal newsletter to the media.
6 points: Florida (5-2) at GEORGIA (5-2) (*at Jacksonville): All you need to know - from Wikipedia:
“Due to sensitivity about consumption of alcohol by college students, the (game) is officially known as the Florida-Georgia/Georgia-Florida game (depending on which team is the home team in a given year). Additionally, in May 2006, the Southeastern Conference asked the three networks which broadcast SEC football games not to refer to the game by the moniker "World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party," as it conveys a message regarding consumption of alcohol that the schools do not desire.”
5 points: Nebraska (4-4) at TEXAS (6-2): For Bill Callahan, job security does not mean that your new boss is Tom Osborne. Seriously, didn’t you see this one coming from a million miles away?
4 points: SOUTH FLORIDA (6-1) at Connecticut (6-1): The critical play in UConn’s win last week vs. Louisville came when Huskies return man Larry Taylor took a punt back 74 yards for a TD.
The only problem: he signaled for a fair catch on the play. And of course, the crack squad Big East officiating crew blew the call:
Photo: via snickerling at scout.comThere’s no possible way UConn can undo the karmic retribution that is coming their way.
3 points: USC (6-1) at OREGON (6-1): Oregon’s pretty tough to beat at home, or so I’m told.
2 points: West Virginia (6-1) at RUTGERS (5-2): Rutgers owes WVU for last year’s loss in Morgantown. Plus, Scarlet Knight coach Greg Schiano might possibly be a closet homicidal axe murderer with all his sideline wood chopping antics. In fact, I’m convinced of it.
1 point: Michigan State (5-3) at IOWA (3-5): Big Ten crap game of the week. I think this might decide 4th or 5th place in the conference. Fun times!
Season Record: 38-33
-posted by Rev. Shaw Moore
Ariel, too, wonders when will this suffering end? Woe is Boston.
UPDATE!
Separated at birth?
Notes the chief...
It appears Bristol has taken to ripping off the Onion Sports:
Red Sox Attempt To Break Fabled 'Curse Of Relief Pitcher Curtis Leskanic'
Counters Ren...
The Onion piece is dated 10/25/07, while ESPN's the day before (10/24/07).
Well, you've probably seen the video by now. MR. EDwards going at ole Rocket Kenseth for something that happened during the Martinsville race. Now, I don't know about y'all, but I'm beginning to think Cousin Carl is suffering from some serious Roid Rage.
It's no secret that he's one of the biggest built NASCAR drivers the circuit, and has a bit of a temper. Before threatening his teammate with his right jab this past Sunday, there was the Cole Trickle move he pulled on my beloved June-bug at the Busch race in Michigan last year.
I mean, something's gotta be fishy. One minute he's the nicest guy on the planet, but the next minute he's Lou Ferrigno. Just look at this magazine cover from ESPN. Yikes! Seems more like that wrestling mess than NASCAR.
My advice, watch out for horse teeth, else you might find yourself on the wrong end of a roid rage.
-posted by Rusty
When owners and breeders are sorting through their catalogs looking to create the next Frankenstein horse, I doubt they are crossing their fingers to one day dominate the Filly & Mare Turf division. But here we are, Race 6 at Monmouth Park, the owner still gets a chance to win $2 million.
The competition hosts a fine young set that may be judged more by their birthing hips than what they do on Saturday. But since this is the first race in the Pick 6, we need to find a champion.
After analyzing the furture baby mamas, it is clear that this is a tough start to the Pick 6. I like the chances of 7 of the 12 horses.
There is no way I'm picking 7 horses for one race, so I need to leave the drama for my mama and pick one. I'm going with one of the favorites, Nashoba's Key. This horse doesn't know what it feels like to lose. However, she does like to make it interesting.
She knows how to stalk and is coming off some quality wins. The only question is whether she can handle the distance with the European imports.
Of the other seven that I like, Passage of Time, Precious Kitten and Wait a While.
For the bettors:
Lowest odds of 2,3,4,5,9,11, or 12 to win
Pick 6, 3 plus any of the above
-posted by C.R. Dunbar
Our buddies at Scott Van Pelt Style got us thinking of some Halloween aliases for some of HHR's favorite whipping boys athletes.
With Fat Willard's 2nd Annual Greatest Halloween Party You've Ever Been To on the horizon, let's see what costumes some of our boys will be donning...
Shane Victorino and Will Demps are going in tandem as Zoolander & Hansel.
Pat the Pat Burrell will be donning a #5 Phillies uniform and be Pat the Pat Burrell. He is what he is (and we love him for it).
Eff you, HHR.(Photo: deadspin.com)
Dobbsy will, of course, go as My Name is Earl.Andy Reid, tired of moonlighting as the Iraq Information Minister will show some holiday cheer and go as the Pumpkin Man.
The pumpkin man is orange; he has an orange face.
His brother Joe is orange, and so's his sister Grace.
And whether he's at my house or clinging to the vine,
I'm so glad that Mister Pumpkin is a friend of mine.
His brother Joe is orange, and so's his sister Grace.
And whether he's at my house or clinging to the vine,
I'm so glad that Mister Pumpkin is a friend of mine.
Mark Cuban will be going as his dancing hero Wayne "The Train" Newton.
Koy Detmer and his neck beard after going 22 years in a row as the Wolfman, will retire that costume and bring his "whip" out of retirement to emulate his favorite rassler, Norman Smiley.
Eddie Hochuli will be whatever the f*ck he damn well wants to be.
Word is that Freddie Mitchell (Still Missing) will be hooking up with his good buddy Jaleel White and going as lovable nerd, Steve Urkel.
Peter Gammons will go as the grumpy, cranky, kid-hating man he always is.
And of course, our Patron Saint, Harold Reynolds will go as Mr. Whipple, as a public service.
Big Ben Wallace. When HHR dunks on you, it's gonna look Un-Auth-A-Dox.
The Juvie has assaulted me over the head with a crowbar.
(Photo: teenchallenge.net)The quality horses have been jacked of good poll positions. All the junk is sitting in the middle, when everybody prefers the junk in the trunk.
From the warden's tower, it looks as if War Pass, the favorite, will be able to break from the rest and see the light. However, there is a lot of speed being passed around in this gang.
War Pass will not be able to steal it with Wicked Style, Z Humor and Slew's Tiznow jumping the fence for first as well. While the other horses overdose looking for the big score, look for Pyro to weasel in and heist the win from them when they are distracted by each other.
I also like Dixie Chatter pulling the strings and allowing the minions to do the dirty work while he stalks from a moderate pace. When it is time to run, he will go down to the wire in a blaze of glory a la Tony Montana. However, he's sitting in solitary confinement in the 11 hole.
The Juvenile provides the first opportunity to pick an honorary HHR horse (inside joke alert): Salute the Sarge. HHR has a member that once saluted the sarge. However, this beaut isn't an import from Korea so there is not as much risk going in.
(Photo: wwe.com)For the bettors:
Exacta box, 2,7,11
Is not a part of the Pick 6.
-posted by C.R. Dunbar
One of our favorite features on one of the more amusing sites, Joe Sports Fan, offers his "The Worthless Card Awards - Football & Hockey Edition."
Click Banner to view...
Remember the movie Oh God, You Devil. If you don't you are better off in the long run. It's random and obscure movies like this that get stuck in my brain and don't come out. Then in a public situation I blurt out a quote that goes over everyone's head like a TT Boy money shot. Where the hell was I? Oh, right, the movie.
Well, the gist of the story is Ted Wass (he of Blossom fame) is a musician who can't get a break. He comments that he would sell his soul to the devil to become successful. In waddles George Burns (playing the dual role of devil and God) and grants him his wish. The fine print is that this will only last a year. Then he is done. For good. A dirt nap. In the end he is saved by God, who has been a fan of his for years, ever since Wass' dad prayed and sang to him as a child when he was sick in bed. It's no academy award winner but it was a decent flick, couple funny Burns one-liners and a young Ron Silver. The movie also stared Roxanne Hart, hailing from my hometown and the capital of the Garden State, Trenton, New Jersey. Where the hell was I going with this? Oh right.
The deal with the devil is a popular scenario in movies, books, television and even the NFL. I saw this online and didn't really think twice about it.
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Byron Leftwich underwent surgery on his right ankle Wednesday and will be out three to four weeks, giving Joey Harrington another chance as the starter.
Leftwich had been with the team less than a month. But he is injury prone and they were going nowhere fast. The second part of the sentence stuck out. Harrington getting a second chance. He would once again be the starting quarterback for the Falcons. He was originally signed as a backup but ended up replacing this guy. And we all know how that story ended. Harrington came to Falcons from the Miami Dolphins, a team in which he started for the previous season after replacing Daunte Culpepper who couldn't recover from a knee injury.
Are you seeing the pattern here? Stop thinking about the George Burns movie and concentrate. Harrington isn't winning the starting spot based on talent or past performance. He has a deal with the devil. Except he keeps getting one year deals. Hell Harrington might even be the devil himself. Ask a Lions, Dolphins or Falcons fan.
Let this be a warning to backups Chris Redman and DJ Shockley. When Harrington stinks it up again the next few weeks, Petrino is going to turn to one of you. You thank him for the thought but respectfully decline. Ask for a trade. Fake a liver failure. Buy a few pitbulls, lock them in your backyard and throw a video up of it on YouTube (what? too soon?) Because he will find a way to injure you.
There is only one thing that can save you and the Falcons. And it ain't George Burns. It's Jesus himself. But he is too busy cleaning up Joey's old mess. 
-posted by Fat Willard
The latest in our confusing headline series:
Bum ankle could cost Garrard four games
(Photo: readingeagle.com)
Wow this guy is out of his mind.
(Photo: about.com)From our buddy Eric, the rasslin insider, over at phillyBurbs.com's The Camel Clutch:
Batista's book stirs controversy
“Now, don’t get me wrong, my ex-wife is the love of my life and I would never knowingly hurt her. However, while I was busting my butt on the road like a dog, she would sit around the house and do nothing. I mean, yeah, she had cancer, but she couldn’t vacuum? And since the chemo made her “not in the mood”, I had no choice but to have threesomes on the road. I mean, she’s talented and I hated to see her waste her life like that when she could be a dancer, or maybe a nurse. But she’s not a bad person and I take full responsibility for my actions, even though it was her fault.”
Umm. Yeaaah.
We love the Onion as much as the next bunch, but how dare they make light of the bogus situation St. Harold had to endure!
As my cohort C.R. Dunbar explained earlier, the Breeder’s Cup provides racing aficionados the opportunity to bet on quality horses and get rich quick. It’s practically free money!
Money won is always much better than money earned. Or at least so I’m told. So I’m going to try and solve the Rubik’s Cube that is Saturday’s 8th race and win some cash:
The early favorite in the mile is British horse Excellent Art (3-1 morning line). Too bad there’s not much excellent about where he’s starting – out of the 13th hole. If that number weren’t unlucky enough, he’ll have to overcome a lot of quick horses at the start to position himself for a good run down the stretch. He’s probably the class horse of the field, and he’s 8 for 9 lifetime finishing in the money … that’s good enough for me to include him in a boxed exotic, but I’m not convinced he can win this race outright.
The seven horse Cosmonaut (15-1 ML) has turned in 6 straight Beyers over 100 and 9 out of his last 10 races. He likes to run at or near the lead, and that strategy may position him well in this relatively shorter race. Jockey Julien Leparoux will be aboard for the trip, and if this were being run at Churchill Downs, I’d be laying heavy on this horse simply because him. Leparoux has turned in dominating performances over the past couple of meets in Louisville, and he figures to be one of the rising superstars in the sport. I look for Cosmonaut to get caught at or near the end, but he still should be positioned to cash a few tickets on Saturday.
Nobiz Like Shobiz (8-1 morning line) is running out of the 9th position. Nobiz Like Shobiz has been all business since morphing into a grass-router at Saratoga this summer – he’s 3 for 3 since making the switch to the turf. The Breeder’s Cup Mile will be Nobiz’s first Grade I stakes race since his disappointing run in this year’s Derby, and able jockey John Velazquez will be in the saddle instead of Jorge Castellano. The step up in competition and jockey change will be something to watch out for.
The 3 horse After Market (7-2 ML) lost his last time out at a mile, finishing second to fellow BC miler Trippi’s Storm in the Kelso G2 Breeder’s Cup handicap at Belmont. Before that loss, he rattled off 4 straight victories on the turf, all graded stakes wins. After Market has performed better at distances over a mile, so I have concerns that he may kick the afterburners in just a little too late to finish the job. However, if he stalks the pace (around 3rd or 4th position) like during his recent 4 race winning streak, After Market should offer some happy returns.
For the bettors:
Pick 6 selection: 3, 7
If you want to make money: Trifecta box, 3-7-9.
If you’re feeling extra frisky: Superfecta box, 3-7-9-13.
NetJets Breeders’ Cup Mile. Grade I. Purse: $2,000,000.
-posted by Rev. Shaw Moore
Wow.... Big things happened last night.
The teams were changed up... 12 losers were left to "bet" their way to a power position. The temptation this week forced them to eat up to 2200 calories of cookies, crackers and cheese, to win the ability to split all the losers into 4 trios. Jez won the temptation eating a ton of crap, and did what he thought was a good job at splitting the teams. He chose Isabeau and Neil, the largest male threat and largest female threat. He did a pretty good job at making the other teams equal, but it was Bill, Julie and Amy that won the challenge.
After 4 bee-movie mini's (which I am done with) and another shameless product plug, we get onto the rest of the show...
Big rift between Amy and Kim... Amy is still pissed that Kim threw her under the bus... so she decided to work out with Jillian instead.
Ok, the weigh in. The week was stressful for everyone, so some people just didn't know how much weight they were going to lose. Ryan gained a pound, Amy stayed the same weight not losing anything. Then we get to Jez, Neil, and Isabeau. They needed to lose a combined 11 pounds to stay out of elimination. Jez and Isabeau lost a combined 10 pounds... and you know Neil is going to gain weight because of the promos.
He gained 17 pounds!!!!!!!!! Totally cheated.... drank 2 gallons of water before the weigh in to throw it, and get one of his teammates eliminated since they are bigger threats. Total dick move. I mean, it's a game, but you should play it fairly. This is nothing new... people have done this sort of thing in the past, but never to that extent. I mean 17 pounds... that is insane. And next week he'll have some crazy weight loss because it'll be the water weight plus whatever he really lost...
In the end the other competitors chose to eliminate Jez, unfortunately. It'll be interesting to see how they regard Neil next week, especially Isabeau who was Jez's original teammate, but has to work with Neil because he is now on her team.
-posted by Ariel
Vinny Testaverde's prostate, a playful Jaguar and a pile of poo.
Click for a better look...
-posted by the chief
Big Daddy Drew at Kissing Suzy Kolber had a fun little piece highlighting a possible change of careers.
However, Fat Andy has already had plenty of practice seeing no evil, hearing no evil and speaking no evil - of not just his team and coaching philosophy - but let's not forget his GM and personnel moves.
While his team destructs around him, everything is just A-OK in AndyLand.
Andy Reid, Baghdad Bob: Iraq Information Minister.
One talks to old people, the other to space people...
The Sports Reporter Mitch Albom's doppelganger, Dennis "The Menace" Kucinich, claims to have seen a UFO according to Shirley MacLaine and the Cleveland Plain Dealer.
No word whether Albom will be reporting on it this Sunday or in his rumored new book Sundays with Dunbar.
As Dennis Green would say, "If you want to crown him, then crown his ass."
Horse racing pundits have jumped on the Dylan Thomas bandwagon as if he was dipped in the Jordan River by John the Baptist.
Dylan Thomas will enter the Turf Division as the heavy favorite by recently winning the Prix de l'Arc de Triomphe, it's a big turf race in Europe. However, I never discount English Channel.
English Channel gives me fits. He has won for me, he has ruined it for me and he has let me down. I must be in the upturn of the cycle because I am feeling him right now.
Critics have suggested that he is a little off his game, but he made a sensational move in Joe Hirsch Turf Invitational and dominates the Monmouth track. My sense is that English Channel has been preparing for this race whereas Dylan Thomas has been training for the Prix. Dylan also flies in today from Europe for the race on Saturday.
I compare it to the story of most famous Dylan - Dylan McKay versus Brandon Walsh for the grand prize of Kelly Taylor. Two quality competitors looking to stud, but this season is Brandon's turn.
(If you are compiling your Pick 6 and have the change to spare I would select both, but this is a good race to select one horse to save some cheese.)
-posted by C.R. Dunbar
Wow... what a night. It was the night of the Rumba and Samba, and boy were there some sweet moves. I like Marie Osmond's "fainting" move while she awaited comments from the judges. Way to pull the sympathy card! Ha, kidding. It was a bit scary as Ren and I both sort of looked at each other like "What the f just happened???"
Cuban reacts to the Osmond "faint" moveBergeron greeted us back after the break with news that Marie was just fine. Ren wasn't amused by his weak attempt to break the uncomfortable TV land silence that fell over us all as we watched promos for a week's worth of ABC shows, and said "Oh Bergeron, go hit someone in the nuts and you'll feel right at home." (Ren is a closet America's Funniest Video's fan... don't let his remark fool you...)
Anyways... the performances.
Best of the Best:
Sabrina Bryan, Mel B.
Notable Runners' Up:
Jennie Garth, Jane Seymour, Cameron Mathison (but only because he dances with my girl crush Edyta, and she is smoking hot! I'd kill for that body!!!)
Worst of the Worst:
MARK CUBAN!!! You are NOT a dancer... stick to making money which is what you do best. The only way he is still in it tonight is his fans (and great shameless plug of your blog during your rehearsal package...). I can appreciate your strategic ploy to be entertaining since you know the judges aren't going to give you higher than a 7 or the occasional 8. But your a businessman, you definitely know strategy.
OK, a quick note to the judges. You knitpick the people who are doing really well, but you sort of laugh off the mistakes of the Cuban's and Marie Osmonds, because they are so "likeable." Either its a competition or it isn't. I am getting a little tired of you, Carrie Ann, saying that you appreciate the "fun" factor. They are ALL having fun!! This isn't their DAY job!
Alright... I feel better now.
-posted by Ariel
Ever see Hochuli on a jumbo tron?
When he couldn't get the time right we tried to get a "STEROID" chant started - only to see him 100 feet tall on the screen and cower in intimidation.
One thing that makes true New England fans stand out is not so much that we are generally despised (even by self-hating nutmeggers), but more so that we loathe everyone else just as much. We are a mean, competitive bunch - we wiped out an entire indigenous people immediately after they taught us to survive the shitty ass weather. Native Americans thought we should live as one with nature in a sustainable manner? Eff that. We chopped down all the trees, reproduced beyond capacity, and spent our time alternately praising God and burning witches (we were out of wood). This is all leading up to describe how I take immense pleasure not in reading New England victory coverage, but the losing opponents' sports coverage. But then something interesting happened. I was mightily impressed by the stiff upper lip of the Indians' Ryan Garko, who in the midst of one of the biggest letdowns of his professional career, took time to blog about it. Garko was one of the few who seemed to keep perspective while showing obvious disappointment, but ultimately convinced of his team's resilience and future prospects. Tony Robbins, thy name is Ryan Garko... but still technically Tony Robbins. Anyway.
What the sports world desperately lacks is the motivational voices that speak from experience, eliciting the best performances from young players. Fortunately, All American Speakers has that covered. For the right price and geographic location, you can get your very own Hall of Famer to come and talk about stuff. (Think of it like what MTV does with former Real World cast members who had their moment and now go around to colleges talking about youth issues; except none have gone into softcore porn. Well, besides Mattingly's 'stache).
So who can All American Speakers make available to you for your motivational needs? Note: Actual pictures from the website.
Marvin Lewis knows there's always something to learn, even from a loss. Actually, especially from a loss. There's probably fewer people on here who could tell you more about what's to be learned from losing. The coolest part is how he goes back in time and wears a basketball jersey. It really makes the presentation that much more dynamic.
A young Marvin Lewis not connecting with your youth? Why not try the young Jake Delhomme? He at least stays in proper uniform and is much less threatening with his all-american white boy quarterback persona. At least to racist folks he is. But maybe that's why you want to book him. Good for you. "Minds are like parachutes - they only function when they're open" is what my Uncle Rusty likes to say. He also says basketball players are "carjackers in shorts." If a young Jake Delhomme is unavailable due to injury and the prospect of inviting David Carr is too frightening (and it is), a youthful Vinny Testverde can be bought. He looks like a baby. A cute, fifty year old baby.
Perhaps your function is looking for an insider perspective. Who better than two of the most recognizable names in sports? Rich Eisen and Ron "Jaws" Jaworski can be yours for the cool price of $20-$30K for Eisen, and a bargain price of $10-20K for Jaws. It is not on the website, but I hear you can order the "Theismann Special", where Jaworski comes to your job and replaces you.
While other football greats are offered, from the likes of the real Rudy, to Sean Alexander (who discusses proper dress for toga parties), the biggest surprise may be Andy Reid. We'll be honest. This picture doesn't look like Andy Reid. But then we wonder, perhaps through the magic of the internets or photoshop, maybe this is what he sees when he looks in the mirror. I tend to think his presentation won't focus so much on self image as it will on nutruition. "You are What You Eat" with Andy Reid. And right now, Andy Reid is that guy.
The crown jewel of the NFL collection is of course Michael Irvin. Irvin is in here twice, which at first seems like a mistake and a typo. But then I realized that it's more of a choice: you can pay $30-50K for the regular professionally incoherent NFL Hall of Famer, OR you can select the flamboyant and "recreationally incoherent" Irvin (alter ego Micahel) for the undisclosed price of whatever crystal meth and black market weapons go for.
Lastly, we have a nice feature which surely is where All American Speakers out-hustles the rest of the speakers competition. In what looks like a From Beyond the Grave series, we see Red Auerbach is still accepting speaking engagements. And you know what? With Halloween approaching, this might be the best way to spice up that holiday party - contact those who have passed into the afterlife, and also get an idea of what Auerbach thinks of the KG trade. Spoooooooky.
-posted by the chief
When doing a blog like this, there are always reasons to Google odd names, combinations of words and phrases, etc. The site that tracks how readers find us generates a list of the words and phrases other people use. Some of them make sense. For example:
Harold Reynolds given raw deal
Harold Reynolds and Wife Photos
Harold Reynolds FOX
All of those are harmless. Unless that person is actually referring to Harold as a fox, then it might be odd. But you can understand how typing those words would lead someone to us.
The next few are interesting search requests but the results from our site do make sense.
You know how we feel mascots- That was an actual post.
Will Demps pictures- I am hoping it's a female crowd that's looking for these but it will lead them here.
Shane Victorino girlfriend- While I don't agree with it, I understand it. And I hope it's a female. Our hail to the Victor-ino.
But some of the searches are downright baffling. Here are our favorites from the past week.
Say d- what does this mean? Where they looking for sexy 80's singer Sadie? Sadie Hawkins? We will never know. But it led them to click on this.
Danka Shane- You're Welcome?
"ed hochuli" "brett favre"- Pipes and the Gunslinger.
Skinny now I am fat- I am not sure the result this person was looking for, but I am sure this shot at the people in gym was not it.
Here's a guy who – Is looking for more Frank TV
Diandra Asbaty bikini- a professional women’s bowler in a bikini. You kinky devil. Here is the disappointing search result.
But the hands-down funniest request had to be this:
The cranky sandwich man on the jerry +steinfeld show- Wow. Where do I begin. The cranky sandwich man I assume is the Soup Nazi. And I thought only my father called him Jerry Steinfeld. And the + sign I am hoping was a slip of the finger. Unless there was a cranky sandwich guy on Big Brother Jake. Then I am really at a loss. The search led them here.
I am keeping my eye on the searches. And you nut jobs.
-posted by Fat Willard
Ever slip a buck or two into the enormous slot machine at the local Indian casino? Jump up and pull the jumbo handle like your spinning for the Showcase Showdown?
Ever buy a lottery ticket and spend the day imagining the ways you would spend the money?
Well, I'm here to tell you that there is a better way. You, yes you, can turn $2 into $3 million. I feel like John Basedow or Jack LaLanne.
(Photo: jacklalanne.com)
Allow me to introduce you to the Breeders' Cup Pick 6. The Pick 6 has a guaranteed pool of $3 million with potential for more depending on the amount of participants and whether there is a carryover from the night before. All you have to do is select six first place horses in a row on October 27.
I haven't done the the proper odds making compared to the lottery, it has been a few years since I took Calculus, but the Breeders' Cup allows you to place educated guesses rather than random selection increasing your odds of becoming a millionaire exponentially.
Granted, you have to share the pool if others are as lucky as you in selecting six in a row, but that is still a lot of hooch for $2. In 2003, the lone Breeders' Cup winning $2 Pick 6 ticket paid $2,687,611.60.
As Montel
Conduct the proper reading and determine who you like in the following races in the following order: Filly & Mare Turf, Sprint, Mile, Distaff, Turf and Classic. Take a drive to your local racing track or casino that is offering simulcast racing. Go up to the teller and say "
There are ways to increase your odds of winning that fresh cabbage, but it requires more money on your part.
You can select more than one horse per race. Here's the math (numbers equal the amount of horses per race):
1x1x1x1x1x1x$2 = $2
1x2x1x1x1x1x$2 = $4
2x3x1x2x1x3x$2 = $72
It can add up in a hurry. That is why some professional gaming organizations buy in with a pool trying to score the big enchilada.
After getting walloped 38-0 at home by USC, Notre Dame’s year from hell got just a little worse.
This little zinger from Chris Dufresne of the LA Times:
“In the USA Today coaches’ poll, Arizona State moon-hopped from No. 12 to No. 7. The Sun Devils jumped over USC, which cheapened itself with a crushing 38-0 win over Notre Dame. It’s come to this: Playing nobody is better than beating Notre Dame. USC’s win earned it only one coaches’ poll cookie, the Trojans moving from No. 9 to No. 8. Play air and move up five positions: Kill Notre Dame and get killed for it.”
(Doesn't quite have the same ring as the "700 Level" does it?)
Pre-game.
4:15 game and our host and chauffeur Kato has a penchant for buggery. Needless to say we understood that by accepting free tickets from Kato, at some point before, after or during the game we would end up at a gentleman's club. We also had a hunch that he didn't really have tickets and that he was going to end up at an unsavory establishment to watch the game. So before we left we made sure he showed us the tickets.
We roll into Philly around 1 and despite CBass having a nice set-up with plenty of food and drink at his usual spot at FDR Park since 9 AM, Kato wants to start the afternoon off "right," so we head to Gentleman's Club 1 (GC1) to kick things off. To Kato's dismay, the club is closed at 1 PM, just as the early NFL games are starting. GC1 opens at 3. This does not sit well with Kato. The entrepreneur he is relentlessly tells us of all the money GC1 is losing out on.
So with a 30 pack in tow, we head to Gentleman's Club 2 (GC2), a BYOB. While the sex shop is open, this club too is closed. Kato is not happy. So eventually we make it to Gentleman's Club 3 in time to catch a couple of Brady TDs. We stay only for about 2 beers, but Kato is happy he got his fill.
(In Kato's defense, maybe he was just offering a public service. Afterall, it is breast cancer awareness month, and he did spend the entire day offering free exams. In his honor I bought Ariel a pink Eagles "tit hat" (Kato's words not HHR, the NFL or the Philadelphia Eagles').
Game-Time.
Where to begin? Observation #1 - the Eagles are not a very good football team. The fans hate the coach, the quarterback, the punter and the wide receivers.
A girl in our section is wearing a Devon Hester jersey, and the first few times she walks up and down the aisle it was simple boos, hisses and harrumphs directed at her.
Eventually it got to the point of one fella kept screaming at her the following (loud and angry):
"You suck. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hope you trip and fall down the steps and kill yourself."
Class act.
Two of the best throwback jerseys were in our group. Kato had a green Seth Joyner jersey while the Mad Dog had a UNLV Cunningham one on.
Others of note: Wes Hopkins, Herchell Walker, Andy Harmon, Ivring Fryer and Ike Reese.
Someone actually showed up wearing a Ricky Watters jersey (for who? for what?).
(Ariel notes: "There is always someone with a Watters jersey, same with Mamula." I told her there was a Mamula jersey in our section, but I wasn't sure if it was meant to be a joke. Ariel said, "No it's just been 12 years since they last shelled out dough for a jersey.")
Kato says next time he's putting everyone to shame and showing up donning Timmy Hauck.
When 3 teenagers show up wearing Wilbert Mongomery jerseys, I have to start questioning the whole fad. 1 Montgomery jersey is plenty in the stadium. It's unique. But when 20 people in the section are sporting Montgomery, Jaws and Charmichael, it's too much. I'll give the Papale fans a pass. For now.
I won't bore you with insight into the game, because I'll be spewing the same 'can't score in the red zone, can't hit open receivers, run too little, can't catch a pass, Brian f'n Griese drove 97 yards with no timeouts in under two minutes.'
Flipping back and forth between WYSP and WIP post-game I think the general consensus and the most logical explanations/conclusions/grumblings are multi-tiered:
1. The current receiving corp is much better than the days of Charles Johnson, Torrence Small, Pinkston and Thrash. Particularly with the latter two, fans are torn between two things - first, wondering how we could win with them but not with the current crop; and second, if the receivers are the problem, why is it continually not addressed? Which brings us to...
2. If for the sake of argument the receiving corp is better, the issue is that the quarterback is not the same player that could elevate those around him and make the system work. Bringing us to...
3. The system. The coach built the system around #5. If #5 is not the same player he was even 3 years ago, the system is not going to work the way it did 3 years ago.
For all intents and purposes the season is done. One more "next year" to look forward to. The Cowboys, Giants and Redskins continue to pull away. The schedule doesn't look to get much easier and reaching .500 is as much of a stretch as reaching the playoffs.
There is not all bitterness in Philadelphia. Say what you will about Philadelphia fans, but they love America. Even if they hate sleeves.
Despite Chris Wheeler's pleas for you to cast a vote, we present reasons why NOT to vote for People's Sexiest Fan finalists.
Click Image for a Better Look.
AP: Strip club manager paralyzed in shooting to file lawsuitLAS VEGAS -- A strip club manager paralyzed in a triple shooting is suing the NFL, the Tennessee Titans and suspended player Adam "Pacman" Jones, claiming they're responsible for his injuries.
No word yet as to whether or not he will be suing the members of Motley Crue for their songs contributing to many cases of blue balls he's had to endure as an employee of a strip club.
HHR presents...Real F'n Toolboxes. Today we salute you Mr. Boston Red Sox pitcher stuck in 1995.
"Yeah hi. Josh? Dave Navarro here. I want my look back."(Photo: sittingstill.net)
All day we've seen nothing but praise for how bad-ass Josh Beckett allegedly is. Why? Because he blamed a guy for dropping his bat on what he thought was ball four? Because he dropped an f-bomb at a post-game press conference regarding his old trim singing the National Anthem?
Remember when Ryan Howard hit a bomb in spring training that fell a bit short and Beckett thought he looked at it a bit too long and took offense?
Hey. Jack off. Get over yourself.
You play a game for a living half a year and once every 5 days.
Take your frat boy flavor-saver and hemp and seashell necklaces and act like a professional. Grow up.
Yeah. Great. You throw a little white ball fast. My God that's wonderful. Go yell and scream and piss and moan and stomp because you have no control over your emotions because someone "stepped to you. "
It's funny because usually we only lose our emotions when we DO care about things and they DO really bother us. And sometimes we even make snappy 8th grade comebacks like "yeah thanks for flying my friend out for free." But you are the exception to that rule. You only get emotional and/or dismissive when things DONT bother you. You're too cool for school, my man. Gotta get me a necklace. And a soul patch.
But yeah. We get it. You're emotional. But guess what? So was this guy. Doesn't make you tough.
At this point, I’m glad this is just for kicks and I don’t have any real cash on the line.
Because if I did, I would have thrown myself in front of an oncoming tractor trailer long ago.
The thing is, I think a lot of people probably feel exactly the same about this crazy, convoluted football season. Nothing – and I mean nothing – has really gone according to plan this year.
For instance look at what happened to the top 3 teams over the past week:
Then No. 1 LSU lost at no. 17
The ink wasn’t even dry on the column where I wrote that LSU was very, very good and that “they were, without a doubt, the top team in the country.”
I need to stop writing that crap. Because it always comes back to haunt me.
Then No. 2 California lost at home to
Granted,
Still, this is a pretty ridiculous loss. With USC inexplicably getting upset by Stanford a week before,
USC is officially off the hook. Plus, with the way other top teams keep losing, it is entirely conceivable (gulp) to see them get back in the national title race. Damn it all.
Soon-to-be-dropping No. 2 South Florida lost at
The party was going to come to an end sooner or later.
Plus, this might confirm that
That’s a roundabout way of saying that I went 3-7 on the picks last week.
As for this week’s picks, here you go:
10 points: USC (5-1) at Notre Dame (1-6)
9 points:
8 points:
7 points:
6 points:
5 points:
4 points:
3 points:
2 points:
1 point:
Season Record: 32-29
-posted by Rev. Shaw Moore
The common sports fan is probably wondering what in God's green earth is the Breeders' Cup. I think the Breeders' Cup should be the name of the trophy that I'm going to buy myself when my spawn breaks free from lady Dunbar's baby oven. Sadly, I'm going to have to come up with a different name. The Breeders' Cup name has already been designated as the year-end series of championship horse races.
One week from today the best horses from across the world bear down on the horse racing mecca of New Jersey for a two day event.
If you are interested in pursuing the sport, the Breeders' Cup is a great time to engage. The cup offers top-notch competition to determine the best horses of the year.
Warning: I find the cup very difficult to wager on as you are dealing with the best horses at their preferred distances. Then again, you will have the opportunity to bet on quality horses at lower odds and get rich quick.
As a horse racing apostle, I will take a look at the races this week and hopefully assist the rookies in making educated guesses on who will hoist the spawn trophies. All monetary loses are the responsiblity of losers not HHR.
-posted by C.R. Dunbar
Deadspin: Here's your ex
So.... did they really think this little trick was going to work? Shame on you, Cleveland. Shame on you.
So.... did they really think this little trick was going to work? Shame on you, Cleveland. Shame on you.
Rather than rely on home-field advantage, momentum, etc, they have decided to parade Sox ace and tonight's starting pitcher Josh Beckett's ex-girlfriend out on the field, just prior to the opening pitch to sing the national anthem.
Now, they claim that they didn't know. Whatever. If they did know, and they thought it would play a head game with Beckett, then I think that was a weak, feeble, and sad attempt at some sort of advantage. Both parties involved are professionals, and this sort of fateful meeting shouldn't matter to either of them. If they each do their job to the best of their ability, then well, it'll all be forgotten about quicker than you can say "Chief Wawhoo."
Both Beckett and his ex are famous, though I have honestly never heard of the girl. They probably switch relationships as often as Clevelanders switch underpants (though, that might not be saying much..... Bazzziiinngggg!) and could give a crap about seeing one other.
Seriously though, this was news today?
-posted by Ariel
-posted by Ariel
A new contributer to HHR gives us a peak into Man Ram's head.
This week in "Manny on …"
Manny on Game 5: "Why should we panic?"
Manny on playoff elimination: "It doesn't happen, so who cares? There's always next year. It's not like it's the end of the world."
Manny on the off-season: "I've already got a flight booked for tomorrow to
Manny on predatory mortgage lending: "I've never heard those words put together before. I do love the movie, Predator, though. You know, the one where
Manny on Brittney Spears: "Brittney today, or Brittney, like, 5 years ago? Today!? Jesus, man. That bitch is a mess. Eh, it doesn't matter, I'd still do her."
Manny on being Manny: "Of course I'm a douchbag. But you know what? Sox fans are even bigger douchbags, so they love me no matter what. Wait, that's my teammate? F me. You feel bad for him!? Feel bad for me, mother f*cker. I have to work with that little sh*t."
-posted by Beamis
From NJ.com:The Southern New Jersey Central Labor Council's Committee on Political Education has endorsed Democratic Cumberland County Freeholder Doug Rainear and running-mate Joseph Pepitone for Cumberland County freeholders.
(Photo: astrosdaily.com)"Well, you know, we were playing a game and, you know, I was pitching, and I was really throwing some smoke. And Joe Pepitone, he was up, and man that guy, you know, he was crowding the plate. Yeah, well, Joe Pepitone or not, I own the inside of that plate. So I throw one, you know, inside, you know, a little chin music, put him right on his pants. Cause I gotta intimidate when I'm on the mound. Well the next pitch, he's right back in the same place. So, I had to plunk him."
First off, I totally called it about Mayweather not living to dance another week... He was a good guy and took it serious... just didn't have the Right Stuff.
Ok... Biggest Loser. I apologize for the time delay in my post... my actual job got in the way of my ability to write yesterday... damn "The Man," damn you!
Well.... we're in the middle of the season. You start to see the affect of being away from family start to take a toll on these people. They are craving twinkies, missing the kiddies, and have to listen to skinny b*tches tell them to run faster. I honestly don't know how they do it.
Anywho, this weeks challenge was for each loser to carry a huge rack thing, which was equivalent to 50% of the starting weight for each girl, and 75% of the starting weight for each guy. Again, the Red Team won, thanks to Phil. They've won like every challenge except 1 I think, and it's always been Phil who's carried them across the finish line.
After the challenge you see the cowboy David, get into a spat with Kim his trainer, who dropped a few f-bombs in asking him to step up the pace... Kim, he's almost 3x your size. I'd be careful to piss off the gentle giant.
This weeks weigh-in was very impressive for the Blue team. Usually somewhere in the middle of the show, people sort of plateau, they don't put up impressive numbers and the weigh-ins become really difficult. The Blue team lost a lot of weight, with Kae losing another 6 pounds. She is under 180 now, and just keeps droping weight. She is awesome. Kae, here is my personal apology for saying your team should have gotten rid of you a few weeks ago. You are a machine, and you have the potential to get down to like the 110 mark. Keep on keeping on.
Red team loses the weigh in, though cowboy David is the biggest loser for that team and cannot be eliminated. Kim meets with her team, and she is pissed. They didn't work hard enough, and as a team, they'd need to kick off the weakest link. She basically throws Amy under the bus by saying that their team will not have a chance to win weigh ins if they kick of B or Phil, and she is 100% right. They also won't win anymore challenges if they kick off Phil, since he's won all of them for the team. Long story short... the 4 team members split the vote, and the Blue team gets to decide who on the Red team goes home. Of course they chose Phil... any person with half a brain would have gotten rid of him since he was thier best player and the biggest threat.
Seems like next week they get rid of the teams... could be interesting.
-posted by Ariel
Who needs stats, graphs, and advanced scouting when you have superior intellect and a sharpie
Click on the chart to get a better look
Reports today indicate that Pitt coach Dave Wannstedt missed practice due to an Achilles injury.
Rumors are circulating around the internet (if you consider "around the internet" being only here at HHR), that the injury was caused by the weight of his notorious pickle tickler on his aging body.
But, can his greatest weakness also be his greatest strength?
The question that begs to be asked is whether doctors can repair the torn tendon with a graft from Wannstedt's mustache. A little known fact is that for years the US Army Corp of Engineers has used fibers from Wanny's 'stache in strengthening suspension bridges in order to counter growing terrorist threats against our country's infrastructure. Look it up.
The Sporting News, the best sports-related newspaper out there for lining your puppy crate, continues to deliver its own hard-hitting sports coverage with a well thought out series of hot lists that rank current NFL coaches in a series of semi-humerous categories that oh my god this article is so effing terrible Clifton Brown should be shot from a cannon into space and if found by a superior alien race who tries to return him, we must deny deny deny.
I'm going to skip past the "Coaches in the Hot Seat" which includes the coaches of the Rams, Vikings, Bengals, Chargers and Giants. Can you be in the hot seat by week 6? Unless you are 0-6, 0-5 (bye) or 1-5, 1-4 (bye) you are not on the hot seat. The glaring omission of the 0-6 Miami Dolphins team makes me want to stab everything everywhere. This is not beginning well.
We'll get to the Bests & Mosts section in a second, mostly because I must first strap on an adult diaper before reading it a second time.
Let's get to my favorite part - the ranking of top offensive and defensive coordinators. For comparison purposes, I consulted Football Outsiders to see what happens when Clifton Brown's gut feelings go up against reality.
CLIFTON BROWN:
Top offensive coordinators
1. Tom Moore, Colts. Peyton Manning gets the pub for orchestrating the Colts' no-huddle attack, but it's the brainchild of Moore, who keeps adding wrinkles.
2. Bob Bratkowski, Bengals. His play-calling takes advantage of Carson Palmer's ability to throw downfield to talented wide receivers in an up-tempo offense.
3. Mike Martz, Lions. We remember when he ran "The Greatest Show on Turf" in St. Louis; he's running a poor man's version in Detroit.
4. Jason Garrett, Cowboys. The Cowboys have been scoring in bunches, drawing attention to Garrett in his first season as a coordinator.
5. Bruce Arians, Steelers. He has given more freedom to quarterback Ben Roethlisberger.
FOOTBALL OUTSIDERS
Wow. Brown is 2 for 5 on this one with the Colts and Cowboys. How he kept the OC of New England (beating opponents by an average of 23 points per game) out isn't as much of an issue as how he managed to put the coordinator of the 1-4 Bengals in there. The Bengals have lost some high scoring games to be sure, but I fail to see how Marvin Lewis is on the hot seat with the second best Offensive Coordinator. Unless of course Clifton Brown is just making this crap up. Which is likely. As for the Detroit OC/Coach, telling Jon Kitna to huck the ball downfield at a bunch of former number one draft picks is not the sign of a great OC, it is the sign of the apocolypse - and Matt Millen rides lead. With every Kitna-ception, Martz looks less deserving of number three status. The Cowboys OC is a good example of success through fear of Jerry Jones (see also: Phillips, Wade). Pittsburgh has found a groove, to be sure, but Big Ben and Fast Willie Parker are not more efficient than Tampa Bay or Jacksonville at this point in the season. They just aren't.
What about the Defensive Coordinators? Oh Clifton, pour your knowledge sauce on me:
CLIFTON BROWN:
Top defensive coordinators
1. Dick LeBeau, Steelers. He has the Steelers blitzing more often and with more variety.
2. Jim Johnson, Eagles. Putting pressure on the quarterback is Johnson's specialty, too.
3. Rex Ryan, Ravens. Talented players such as Ray Lewis and Ed Reed swear by his schemes.
Monte Kiffin, Bucs. He was the father of the cover 2 before anybody had heard of his son Lane.
5. Gregg Williams, Redskins. He is the league's highest-paid assistant and has Joe Gibbs' trust.
FOOTBALL OUTSIDERS:
Here he's a bit better at 3 for 5, making Brown 5-10 against actual statistical analysis. The Steelers defense has been a wall this year, although I would like to see his source that they are blitzing more. Its probably a bar napkin with the word "Blitzburgh" written in crayon. How the Bucs and Patriots DC's were left off, only he knows. Baltimore has gotten much better after a slow start, and I'm surprised that neither list had Green Bay or Minnesota on either list, as those two coordinators really stepped up and polished their respective turds.
I'd like to applaud Brown's unique reasoning for selecting Gregg Williams based on his paycheck and Joe Gibbs' trust. That's some serious insight, folks. Highest-paid= Best. Got it. If you put your ear right up to the article, you can actually hear the mouthbreathing.
As for his "Bests and Worsts" section, let's just say all I see here is a bad Peter King impression. Even the words look morbidly obese.
I decided to improve upon his "Coaches in Waiting" section. It's more of a prediction, but one that is infinitely more accurate than his list which includes an OC and DC who weren't mentioned as tops in their field. Sure, they're not the best coordinators, but they're head coach material in Clifton Brown's world. Get me off this planet
Head Coaches in Waiting:
-posted by the chief
Didn't have time to write anything up today, but here are my thoughts.
The Spaceballs "short, short version."
Cuban- Gone!
Mayweather- Gone!
I see the Cheetah Girl taking it all.
There you are married!
-posted by Ariel
“To my recollection there were two individuals with guns. One was brandished, the other had it on his person,” Charles “Chuck” Cashmore told TODAY co-host Matt Lauer on Tuesday.
...Asked what he felt when he saw a gun drawn, Cashmore said: “It seemed to escalate a little higher than it should have. At that point in time, I was just basically in shock.”
Ever see two old men in a fist or cane fight? Sadly, neither have I.
Old men with a competitive bent prefer to destroy each other through other means. Unfortunately, some old horse owners don't have the fire in their ulcer filled-bellies, leaving the sport without the 1950s undercutting snide remarks that old people are famous for.
(Photo: Seattle Times)The sport needs some owners to slum it a little and start backhand slapping each other. Figuratively or physically. Owners vs. owners is another rivalry that can improve horse racing.
Lady Dunbar once forced me to watch the movie Dreamer. In the movie, which was based on a true story, a sheik ends up fronting the money for the horse to enter the Breeders' Cup. Why? Because his rival brother had the favorite horse and he was up a crick without a paddle.
These are the kinds of storylines we need for races. Two competing stables hating each other so much that they would do almost anything to beat each other or make the other lose.
However, there are downsides to an owner vs. owner rivalry. Usually, the owners let their money do the talking, resulting in astronomical auction prices, making the sport cost prohibitive to others. Also, once you are reminded of who the owners are, you understand why it is called the "Sport of Kings" and off putting to the common man.
I can't say this is the most exciting rivalry that could be developed in horse racing. It's hard for a fan to root for a billionaire, but who wasn't pulling for the high school buddies that owned Funny Cide? Who doesn't cheer for the startup stable against a $16 million horse?
The sport could use some more average joe owners that actually want to be a part of horse racing rather than owners needing something to do with their millions. Then, we can have some more lively competition.
One more topic in the rivalery episodes then we will move on to a new series and get ready for the Breeders' Cup.
-posted by CR Dunbar
Thanks to Illuminati for pointing out to us that today, as is every October 16, is National Boss Day.
This one’s for you, Nettles.
Reference:
A guy who hasn't done manual labor in over 35 years, pretending he does construction.
How to throw a speed ball.
From the guys over at Epic Carnival:
Bullfighting falling on hard times.
Worse comes to worse he could always chase girls in cars.
I usually laugh at Fox’s choice for intro music during any sporting event. It’s like they stopped listening to popular music around the time of Kurt Go-bang and the Singles soundtrack. But last night, I understood one song choice and it actually made me laugh. (With them, not at them, like usual)
During the in-game injury report, they discussed Big Poopi’s problem knee and him getting hit with a Manny ground ball.
The song in the background was Tenderness by General Public.
Clever.
From our friend Eric Gargiulo over at phillyBurbs.com...
A first hand account of the man that is the Iron Sheik and his run-in with local police.
This man needs his own show, pronto.
Sometimes as fans, we can't see the proverbial forest through the trees. As commentators, online or otherwise, even when the obvious is staring us right in the face, we tend to over-complicate things.
Sometimes the most obvious answers are, in fact, the most accurate.
Case in point, MVP Steve Nash, as most recently highlighted by the FanHouse's Bethlehem Shoals' "Breaking Down Nash and White Privilege."
Let's look at some facts.
It is no secret that David Stern runs the NBA with nothing short of an iron stick, whose puppeteer ways are well-documented.
Basketball's mainstream popularity has steadily declined since the early 90's, despite significant outreach overseas, and expansion to our neighboring nation to the north.
Subsequent popularity amongst middle-class, whites has been dwindled and is dwarfed by NFL fanaticism and the resurgence of MLB.
Steve Nash was "born" in South Africa.
Steve Nash is a Canadian citizen.
Steve Nash is "white."
Steve Nash is a white African from Canada.
He makes his black and white teammates alike better.
He is almost the perfect basketball specimen.
He is the product of years of tinkering.
Prototype 1: Rick Fox.
With expansion on the mind, Stern had Fox created to "a Bahamian father and Italian-Canadian mother." He was sent to basketball Meccas to develop his craft - Indiana for high school, tobacco road for college. Pleased with his progress, Stern inserted his creation onto the two elite franchises in the NBA – the Celtics and the Lakers.
However, Fox just wasn't that good. Stern needed someone who was able to affect those around him. A floor general. A point guard.
Prototype 2: Jason Kidd
Stern thought he had his perfect creation. He knew, however, that JKidd was not his savior. He was his test model. And it worked. For a few years. But age, health and mediocre teammates would eventually catch up to him. In the meantime, Stern wanted someone a little more
"showmanny" and a little more "white" wouldn't hurt.
Prototype 3: Jason "White Chocolate" Williams
Phyiscal talents in place, Stern now found 2 problems with his latest model. 1 – he hadn't sufficiently developed JKidd's mental aspect with the JWill prototype, and it would be hard to market a white guy from West Virginia to represent a predominantly African-American league (though try he did).
Which brings us to Stern's latest, greatest creation. A white African-Canadian point guard. Steve Nash. The NBA's Tiger Woods.
The reality of all this has been so obvious that it's been ignored. The MVP voting has not been based on race, but rather on race, ethnicity, heritage, skill and David Stern's Frankenstein.
And, as the chief points out, Stern may not just stop with the NBA. Could his monster be headed to save the floundering MLS?
(Also, don't be surprised if "Frenchy" Parker isn't a repeat MVP in the near future.)
The 38 year old gunslinging John Wayne from Mississippi who plays with the same smile and enjoyment that did when he was 6 and could play until he's 56, has re-written the record book once again.
The Packers (5-1) won despite an off day from Brett Favre, who became the NFL's career interception king with an errant pass picked off by Redskins safety Sean Taylor in the third quarter.
Congratulations, Brett. This is your country.
Dusty Baker gets three year deal to manage Reds. 
Homer Bailey says goodbye to his pitching arm and career after the announcement.
On a postive note, at least Dusty won't be in the ESPN booth or Baseball Tonight.
Thanks to Redleg Nation.
Take my left fielder...please.
Michael David Smith at the FanHouse brought to light the typewritten slapfest going on at the WA Post between DC Sports Bog's Dan Steinberg and the paper's 'Skins "insider" Jason La Canfora.
After a spar that was more "Is Brandon Lloyd a bust?" than the hyped New Media v. Old Media (though both make sure to back their respective genres), Steinberg conceded:Brandon Lloyd is at once a Communist, a Fascist, a Wiccan, a Unitarian, a Right Wing Fundamentalist, an Eco-Terrorist, a Maoist with High Cholesterol, a Labor Unionist, a Trotskyist Fellow Traveler, a Vegan Radical, a McCarthyist Book Burner and the local cable company employee who does not care about your service problems.
More importantly, I think Steinberg, La Canfora and Smith, alike, acknowledge just how underachieving the free agent acquisition has been. I just happen to side with Steinberg, who thinks that, after all, football is a game and is meant to be entertaining. At the very least, enjoy the characters and hope they come through.
Because, before you know it, they will be MIA.
Why does every team need a mascot now?
If you say "to appeal to children" I will crack you in the face because kids don't buy tickets, merchandise, cable TV packages, or do any of the things important to make money for a franchise. If you want to keep a kid interested at sporting event, explain the game and show him how to play. If he or she isn't, maybe the sport isn't for them and you should know better shelling out that kind of cash.
Well, not to be outdone by Steeley Mcbeam and the rest of the mascot fraternity, the St. Louis Blues are introducing a saxophone playing bear. They are asking fans to vote on the name. All of the options are vanilla and lame. We have a few of our own and want to put it to a vote for the HHR reader.
Should the new name be:
A.) Stupid
B.) Horn-y
C.) Beary Gay
D.) Fozzy Nuts
E.) Oprah
F.) Teddy Suxbin
It's your call.
-posted by Fat Willard
Three weeks ago, I dropped a little knowledge on our readers, proclaiming myself, Ren McCormack, MD.
I will have you know, after taking a look at this question from MSN Encarta's Ask Bill Ney, I am proclaiming myself "Ren McCormack, Science Guy."
Ask Bill Nye: Why do so many wooden baseball bats break?
Dear Bill,Dear SE:
Why are there so many broken bats in baseball these days?
-- Splinters Enquirer
They are made of f'n wood.
-Ren McCormack, PhD
AP: Browns' Winslow says Dolphins' Porter needs a hug "I think Joey Porter needs a hug," Winslow said, smiling. "He's so angry, man."
Come On, Kellen! Does this guy look angry to you?
(Photo: Scout.com)Just remember boys, this kind of affection can get your asses kicked out of Bristol.
And:
"Hugging is really more appropriate for airports or for family reunions than passing and seeing each other every few minutes in the halls."Just lookin' out.
For some reason when crappy drugstore cologne signs a marquee poster boy, it's big news, despite the improbability of Stetson stock going through the roof.
(Photo via: justjared.buzznet.com)If agents, PR men and publicists for the NFL's other starting QB's were worth their salt, they'd realize there is plenty of wealth to spread around.
Let's start with ad-whore Peyton Manning. Faberge's Brut right? Perfect. It's like Stetson, only in a sleeker looking bottle, and a little less rugged. Splash it on baby. If he plays his cards right, maybe he'll even score himself a little Kelly LeBrock.
Get on the horn all you Bob Sugars out there. Here, I'll give you some suggestions. Pay me later. Believe me, none of these are any better or any worse than the au de toilet that Pretty Boy's spritzing. Stetson makes it easy, easy for you.
- Trent Edwards: Angel for Men
- Cleo Lemon: Tag Body Spray
- Chad Pennington: Axe
- Steve McNair: Drakkar Noir
- Carson Palmer: Chaps
- Derek Anderson: Cool Water
- Ben Roethlisberger: Aspen
- Matt Schaub: Mo Betta
- David Garrard: Old Spice
- Vince Young: Preferred Stock (What Preferred Men Prefer)
- Kerry Collins: Dewers on the Rocks
- Jay Cutler: Hugo
- Damon Huard: Aramis
- Daunte Culpepper: Canoe (Not to be confused with Love Boat)
- Philip Rivers: Egoist
- Tony Romo: REALM Men
- Eli Manning: CK One
- Donovan McNabb: Chunky Soup
- Jason Campbell: Jovan Musk
- Alex Smith: Joop
- Kurt Warner: Boss
- Gus Frerotte: Pierre Cardin
- Matt Hasselbeck: Raw Vanilla
- Brian Griese: Michael Jordan (Big in Chi-Town)
- Jon Kitna: Aqua Velva (He just looks like an Aqua Velva Man)
- Tarvaris Jackson: Adidas Moves
- Brett Favre: Fracas
- Vincenzo Testeverde: Eternity
- Joey Harrington: Tommy Girl
- Jeff Garcia: Fracas
- Drew Brees: Summer
"How many instant classic have you missed?"
A few weeks ago, we noted a great little website that was referred to us: areyouwatchingthis.com.
For those of you who haven't yet tried it, after initial skepticism on our part that it was perhaps too good to be true, we have been nothing but happy with this free "service."
To recap what we said in the initial post, the program will:
email or text you "games going into overtime, ranked teams getting upset, no-hitters through 7, or anything else you need to get your butt on the couch for." (Essentially classics in the making).Luckily, we stumbled upon it just in time to coincide with the start of the MLB playoffs and the NFL season.
Because you put in your zip code and cable provider, not only does it alert you to whats going on and why it's relevant (i.e. "Close Finish"), but it also tells you what channel to turn to.
Try it. You'll like it.
Your dirty fans love you very much.
Getting a hepatitis shot is standard procedure for travelers to parts of Africa and Asia, but some congressional aides were instructed to get immunized before going to Lowe's Motor Speedway in Concord, N.C., and the racetrack in Talladega, Ala.
Fox News: Man Awarded $786,760 in Testicle Lawsuit Injury
A jury awarded $786,760 to an Ohio man who says he has endured years of pain and must walk bowlegged after his left testicle was struck by a broken weight-machine bar at an athletic club.
I can barely walk, let alone run. There's a constant throbbing of pain. I mean, it's my testicle. That's a very uncomfortable spot to feel pain."Apparently, this is what he said in the wake of the accident.
I can understand you suffering with the pain, but I kind of think bowlegged-ness oozes with machismo.
Diamondback fans casually catch playoff fever.
I mean seriously.... these fans should be ashamed. Tickets still available? That is INSANE to me. If this is the way they respond, then their team should be moved to a city that actually CARES about the NLCS and appreciates what it means to have a team in the race for the World Series.
-posted by Ariel
From our friends over at Popjocks.com. 
The Ducks get their Stanley Cup championship rings. They look heavier then the Cup itself.
Let's call the whole thing off.
It's official. Our New Era is as smart as Steve Phillips.
Both "accurately" hit .500 in their LDS picks.
The Hat had NYY vs. BOS and PHI vs. ARZ
Phillips picked NYY vs. BOS and COL vs. CHC
Great work guys.
The millions of people watching Dancing can rest easier.... the eye sore that was Wayne Newton bumbling across the dance floor was ended last night.
The lack of votes and his poor scores sent Wayne Newton riding off into the sunset.
I know Ren will miss that porn-stache and his sweaty man boobs, though.
-posted by Ariel
Well, I am not a huge booser, but Ren invited me to meet him at our neighborhood dive bar last night. With my empty stomach in tow, I chit chatted with "Bird dog" about horse racing and sipped a few Buds.
Before I knew it, it was 8:45 and I was missing Biggest Loser. So as quickly as we could, we finished our beers, and headed home. I turned on the TV (it's now 9:15) and they were already walking to the weigh-in! I mean, jeeze... 45 minutes for the weigh-in? Well whatever.
Here is the short short version of what happened...
Apparently the losers went on vacation to Jamaica, but still had to train and eat right and all of that good stuff. Black team, whose numbers weren't horrible, couldn't cut the mustard, so they were sent to elimination.
The twins sought to ditch Isabeau, though, that girl has some major pounds to lose. Isabeau and Hollie courted Julie and Jez in thier mission to axe Jim. Well the girls plan worked, and Jim was sent packing. While I still think it's a bit too early to ditch treats, this might have worked in their favor. I think Julie would have been the better target as she has only lost 19 pounds thus far, and just doesn't have that much to go. I've said it before, and I'll say it again... the first few weeks you have to get rid of the SMALLEST people... they have the least to lose, and you need to win your weigh-ins to keep out of the elimination room. Once you're down to a few people on each team, then you take out your biggest threats, since you're all capable of losing the same amount of weight... it's just a matter of determination and follow-through.
Bleh... need to eat my breakfast burrito.
-posted by Ariel
-posted by Ariel
Our Buddy Illuminati at The Third I at Philly Burbs pointed out that this may very well be the worst Price is Right player ever.
It dawned on me that Joy looks a lot like Tony Romo did on Monday night. Somehow, despite looking embarrassingly stupid and out of place, they both manage to pull it our of their respective a$$es.
Help control the pet population. Have your Cowboys spayed or neutered.
I think I've turned Ren onto DWTS... though "turned him onto it" really means that he lets me watch on the big TV in High Def while he reads his book.... BUT, he sat there and giggled at Wayne's stache, and commented on a few dancers he thought did a good job. I really lucked out in the husband dept... :)
The Jive and Tango proved to be very exciting dances and brought out some new twists to our dancers.
Best of the Best: Jenny and Jane.
My girl Jenny Garth takes this show seriously. After last weeks trip during the quick step, Jenny became visibly upset and vowed to tackle the tango like a pro. Well, she lived up to it, and came out looking fierce. The tango is a sexual, sharp dance, with lots of drama, and she delivered 100%.
Jane Seymour also danced the tango, and dedicated her dance to the memory of her mother who passed away while she was dancing live on air last Monday evening. Of course I was brought to tears by her highlight package prior to the dance, which was capped off by a moving performance and rave reviews by the judges. Some good TV all around.
Best of the Worst:
Mark Cuban and Wayne Newton just were NOT built for dancing. They are goofy and awkward, and just don't have a lot of rhythm. I really think one of them HAS to be going home this week... I really don't see another way around it.
Wayne was sporting a creepy porn-stache, and a Don Juan ponytail. His tango was more of Cheryl Burke just dancing circles around him while he stood there trying to look hispanic. Just awful and sort of painful to watch.
The judges were easier on Mark Cuban because I think they like him. He works his a$$ off, but again, I just don't think he was built for dancing. Mark, you're lucky there are a lot of people out there who know and like you... and that you seem to have a large following through your blog.
Best of the Rest:
Mel B and Sabrina Bryan were consistent with their Jives. They both performed to a level that we expected and did not disappoint.
Helio fumbled a bit this week. His Jive was decent but he set the bar so high that he just didn't quite reach it this week. His scores and popularity will certainly keep him in the competition.
Cameron Mathison, Floyd Mayweather, and Marie Osmond were all sort of in the middle. They did well. Nothing terribly wrong, but nothing terribly exciting either. Floyd looks stiff, and still leads with his shoulders. I think as a boxer he is used to holding a stiff and strong posture, but he really needs to learn to loosen up. Cameron is a good looking guy, and an OK dancer, but there was a lack of passion and fervor in his tango. Marie Osmond is fun and cute, but I think that is where it ends. Marie was too wholesome then, and I think is just too wholesome now.
Overall, I am impressed with the talent on the show. Usually there is much more distinction between the best and the worst, but this year there are just two really bad people and it's up to the rest of the pack to distinguish themselves. All the other dancers could pull ahead at any time, surpassing early favorites Sabrina Bryan and Helio Castroneves.
Peter King, MMQB: Can you believe Julius Peppers is sackless in five games? That's like A-Rod being homerless in the playoffs.
A-Rod:
By my count that's 7 HR's in 147 at bats over 39 career playoff games. Julius Peppers should complain about this malicious hit.
-posted by the chief
As far as baseball is concerned, today I am a free man. Free from the Yankees in the postseason, and free from them in the next regular season, should Steinbrenner actually follow through and release the best manager in baseball. But most importantly, today I am free of Frank TV. With the subtly and nuance of a roundhouse kick to the neck, TBS pitched this show relentlessly. I've kicked seen orphaned puppies who look less desperate. At the close of every inning, during pitching changes, between twelve packs - there he was mailing in a Jack Nicholson or Joe Pesci impression. But something sinister happened: he became a fixture during events I associated with great joy - the Sox sweep, the Yankees loss, The "We-Won!" sexings of the wife - all of it. Frank became the last voice I heard before falling asleep, and unfortunately my first thought when I woke up. Clearly I was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome - eventually commenting favorably during the George Bush impressions, or voicing satisfaction with a Robin Williams mimic. I began to wonder: who is this man, this chameleon of celebrity, this Fort Knox of comic gold?! Mercifully, just as I was sucked in, the ALDS and NLDS ended with three sweeps and a quick Yankees exit. And because the ALCS is on Fox, no more scrolling to that mystery channel TBS is on to see him impersonate Dustin Hoffman. No more f'n teasers of a blubbering John Madden wielding a baseball bat. We get it, he's heavily medicated and linguistically disoriented. Hilariously so.
The irony of it all is that the best impersonation on TBS is performed by Jose Mota, who consistently and eerily channels Eddie Murphy's Undercover White Guy. I eagerly await his sketch show, debuting in November of 2008.
-posted by the cheif
According to this screenshot, Nick Folk just hit a 73 yard field goal, besting Dempsey and Elam by 10 yards. And got me 42 fantasy points. And I am still down 30.
I usually leave stuff like this to the experts, like Awful Announcing , but I had to mention this little sound bite of stupidity.
Chip Caray, who has been uninformed, pompous and terrible, was discussing the Yankees bringing in Mussina to relieve Wang.
"Aside from a August appearance, Mike Mussina has never had a relief appearance."
He put a huge stress on the word never.
Ask Yankee, or even Red Sox fans, if Mussina has ever come in for a relief appearance and they will mutter something about a Game 7 in New York, and an idiot named Grady Little and an extra inning homerun by a third baseman hitting like .190 on the season....well....it doesn't matter. Mussina has come in in relief before. But Chip said NEVER so we will trust him because he has mounds of papers and stats in front of him and we have our little tiny brains.
Wait two minutes.
"Mussina does have one relief appearance in the playoffs."
Oh, so by NEVER, Caray meant one.
Instant replay needs to be reworked.
I'm not talking about the use of instant replay to get a call right, I'm talking about TV producers constant use of slow motion instant replay.
Why does every replay have to automatically be viewed in slow motion instant replay? Why can it not be in regular speed instant replay? The technology has changed, but the producers/directors use of it hasn't since the 1970s.
There are moments for slow motion instant replay. For instance, here and Jordan's switch of hands mid-air in the finals was a perfect example of slow motion instant replay enhancing my viewing pleasure.
But why does every instant replay need to be in slow motion? I imagine that it is simply an automatic response for the man in the booth or maybe we don't have the technological know how to do instant replay instantly in regular motion.
Two weeks ago, I was doing some personal scouting for the Wolverines and saw Kyle Jefferson of Wisconsin get whallopped . The instant reaction out of the booth was to show it in slowmo. This is a prime example of when a regular instant replay would have been the best option as the first replay. I yearned to see it again with sound.
I'm not proud of myself that I wanted to see someone almost decapitated, but I can go to sleep at night seeing him run off the field.
Slowmo has a role to play in sports, but it should not be the default. The people in the booth with all their camera angles and responsible for and being paid to bring viewing pleasure should be able to discern whether to show the replay in slowmo or regular speed.
There was a reason why we want to see the play again, it's most likely because it was sweet the first time when we saw it at regular speed.
-posted by C.R. Dunbar
We brought this outstanding post from our friends at 100PercentInjuryRate to HHR's resident pony lover, C.R. Dunbar's attention.
When inquiring why he's been so silent lately, he noted he is still in shock over Funny Cide heir Wendy Knowlton Cook's, um, fall from grace.
Pulling his best Rickey Henderson/third person speak:
C.R. Dunbar is speechless.
I mean, how do you you position the baby to snort the nose candy off his body while he is suckling? That is talent.
The Breeder's Cup is just around the corner. Suck it up.
LSU Is Really, Really Good
So far, the preseason questions about the Tigers’ ability to replace stars from last year’s Sugar Bowl winning squad seem to have been answered. Senior QB Matt Flynn is playing as well as any QB in the country and the Tiger defense is absolutely dominating opponents. They pummeled Virginia Tech, a preseason top 10 team, 41-0. They withstood Florida’s best shot this past weekend to stay unbeaten at 6-0. They are, without a doubt, the top team in the country.
Upsets Everywhere
We’ve seen five year’s worth of major upsets packed into one season:
Appalachian State beating Michigan – The football equivalent of a 16 seed beating a 1 in the NCAA basketball tournament. Division II App. St. derailed Michigan’s national title run before it even began and opened up serious questions about Lloyd Carr’s long-term longevity in Ann Arbor. The Wolverines seem to have righted the ship since this opening game debacle, but the upset will live on as one of the greatest of all time.
Stanford beating USC – Ending the longest home winning streak in the country is something special. Doing it as a 41 point underdog is simply unheard of. This was bound to happen to USC at one point or another this season, but it’s a shock that the letdown happened against Stanford.
Syracuse beating Louisville – Syracuse is quite possibly the worst team among the BCS conferences. Yet their sole win came against Louisville, on the road, and as a 37.5 point dog. The game seriously exposed Louisville for what they are – not a good team.
Heisman Race Wide Open
This race is about as wide open as it could be at the moment. None of the players on the pre-season hype list have done a lot to distinguish themselves through the halfway point in the season. Arkansas RB Darren McFadden is probably still the guy to beat, but don’t be surprised to see other names like Cal WR DeSean Jackson or Florida QB Tim Tebow thrown into the mix.
Best Press Conference
Mike Gundy, Oklahoma State.
Gundy’s “I’m a Man!!!” rant was ridiculous enough to earn a spot in the Denny Green “Crown their Asses!” pantheon of all-time great post-game press conference blowups.
Biggest Surprise(s)
Illinois. Consecutive 2-win seasons did little to inspire faithful among the Illini faithful in Champaign. However, much maligned coach Ron Zook has finally gotten his team on track, securing the first major win of his tenure with an upset of then ranked no. 5 Wisconsin this past weekend. The Illini are 5-1, and with games against Michigan and Ohio State still looming, they could be in a position to shake up the Big Ten title race.
South Florida/Cincinnati/Connecticut. The Big East trio are all undefeated and tied for the conference lead. Preseason favorites West Virginia, Rutgers and Louisville, on the other hand, have all suffered conference losses so far.
Boston College. Also 6-0 and leading the ACC. QB Matt Ryan has been on fire as of late, and his inspired play has moved him squarely into the discussion for many of the major postseason awards lists (Heisman?).
Biggest Disappointment
Louisville. The Cards entered the season as a top-10 team and a favorite to reach a BCS bowl for the second year in a row. 6 games in, they’re struggling mightily at 3-3 with bowl eligibility looking less and less likely every week. The defense has been torched repeatedly, surrendering an average of over 40 points a game in their losses. Senior QB Brian Brohm is the lone bright spot on the team, having thrown for 2,400 yards and 20 TDs thus far. However, new Cards coach Steve Kragthorpe appears to be way in over his head with this team, and many in the normally supportive Louisville fan base are clamoring for his removal.
What to Watch For
- Can LSU stay undefeated? It’s entirely conceivable to see them lose to either Auburn, Alabama or Arkansas. Plus, a possible blood-feud rematch with Florida could happen in the SEC championship game.
- Can Cal win the Pac-10? With USC blowing the game against Stanford, the Golden Bears’ destiny is entirely in their hands.
- Will a mid-major get a shot at the BCS? Boise State proved last year that the little guys can indeed play great football at the highest level. Hawaii is the only non-BCS school in both polls at the moment, and it looks like they’ll have to stay unblemished to make it to crash the BCS party.
- Is Ohio State for real? They destroy all the teams they are supposed to beat, but it doesn’t seem as if they’ve been tested at all this season.
- Will Kentucky flame out? The Cats currently stand at 5-1, but they face a brutal closing stretch that includes games against LSU, Florida, Georgia and Tennessee.
- Where will Notre Dame end up? It’s been a sorry season thus far for the Irish, to say the least.
-posted by Rev. Shaw Moore
File this one under creepy.
Scoop Jackson on Marion Jones:I still have that photo of her, dipped in gold and bronze, smile on her face, that imperfect tooth that made that smile so beautiful, that hair braided back, that soft glow of that caramel skin ... yeah, that was my girl. She was one of my allowed sports fantasies.
Let's keep our 007-esq fantasies to ourselves.
What he actually texted
What we think he texted
King to Green, 5:14 p.m: "peter king here. wu?''
Green to King, 9:06 p.m: "Will b ok. B on Rams prtc fld soon. TG.''
King to Green: 9:08 p.m. "hey -- how about johnson calling your block a malicious hit? feel better. peter.''
Green 9:10 p.m.: “I g2g rest. Night”
King 9:12 p.m: “I am going to say that you agree.”
Green 9:15p.m.: "MYOB Would ya?"
King 9:22 p.m.: "TISNF"
Green 9:30 p.m.: "PK, HELP, C-LO LMN trying 2 KILL Me"
King text 9:31 p.m.: "g2g Mary Beth otol. Call me, we can grab a latte."
I came across this little blurb on the NY Post Gossip section:
SIGHTING: Jimmy Fallon and Rangers Sean Avery and Brendan Shanahan at the Waverly Inn after the Blueshirts won their season home opener
I really thought nothing of it until I saw this on ESPN.com
Avery suffers separated shoulder after taking hit
Then I remembered reading this back in 2004 during the Sox run, the Yankee collapse and the abortion know as Fever Pitch.
"I was never really serious with one team. I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets ... then I got to "Saturday Night Live" where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I'm going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I'm gonna go sit with. I became a Yankees fan for a few years. But now, I gotta say, I'm really rooting for the Red Sox." -Jimmy Fallon
The first thing lesson in all this is all you need is a pair of premium seats and Fallon is your best friend and a fan of the home team toot-sweet. But let’s dig deeper.
Fallon claims he began a Mets fan, so he was about 12 when they won the World Series in 1986. At twelve years old, a kid is into sports but is probably more concerned with touching girl’s boobies or lighting things on fire. But he was still a fan. Since 1986, the Mets have done bump kiss except a few NLCS losses, a World Series appearance (more on that in a second) and a fluky “worst collapse in baseball history.”
Fallon’s tenure on SNL ran from 1998-2006, in which he was a Yankee fan till that 2004 quote. So he was “rooting for them” during two World Series victories, two series losses to Arizona and Florida and a couple first round exits. One of those World Series wins was against Fallon’s first team, the New York Mets. When you are putting the kibosh on two teams, one must lose, usually the team you killed for so long (in this case, the Mets.)
Don’t believe that theory? Fine, let’s look at 2004 where Fallon’s new-old team (Yankees) lost to his new-new team (Sox) in historic fashion. It would have been a normal loss if Fallon wasn’t filming a movie about being a tortured Sox fan. The premise being his love for a team that always breaks his heart and loses. And we know the baseball god’s love irony so they had to let the Sox win the World Series. Since then? A 2005 ALDS loss to the White Sox and a 2006 playoff no-show last season.
If Fallon shows up at an ALCS game wearing a Sox, Yankees or Indians hat all hell could break loose. But luckily for those fan bases, Jimmy has now turned his attention to hockey.
According to SI.com, the Rangers are a preseason favorite for Atlantic Conference champs and a Stanley Cup appearance.
This could either mean a Rangers Stanley Cup win or a huge disappointment; beginning with…oh I don’t know…a separated shoulder for a key player.
Still don’t believe me? Ask Horatio Sanz and IBM.
Congratulations to the Notre Dame Fighting Irish on their first win of the 2007 season, a 20-6 triumph over the UCLA Bruins.
With the win, it was announced the Irish have automatically secured a berth in 2008 Bowl Championship Series. They will head to the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans to square off against a yet unnamed opponent.
-posted by Rev' Shaw Moore
Madden's in the tank. You might as well join him. While Madden doesn't need beer goggles to ogle over Brett, you do.
Pre-gaming the Pregame
- Finish a beer if any of the highlights of the day's games:
- caused you to lose money
- knocked you out of a suicide pool
- ruined your fantasy week
- One drink for every minute of a pregame Brett Favre career highlight package
- Drink once for every mention of Favre breaking the TD record
- Drink once for anyone in studio mentioning they played against Brett Favre
- Finish a beer if it's really Ronde and not Tiki in studio.
- Once sip for every "This is our country" commercial BEFORE the game. (I am going easy on that, I don't want anybody s-faced before the game even starts.)
- If Madden compares another QB to favre, drink once
- If that same QB is on the Bears roster, laugh , then drink three
- If Brett Favre says the name John Madden, finish your beer while
- Madden finds a change of pants
- One chug for every year Madden or Michaels speculates Favre will play
- If they end the sentence with "who knows how long he will go" finish the beer
- One sip for any mention of Mississippi
- One chug for every shot of Grossman on the sideline
- One chug for every time Griese is on camera (just to catch up to him- he is 3 beers ahead already)
- One sip if favre "still plays like he is (insert age)"
- Shotgun a beer for any Packers running back who rushes for over 50 yards
- Drink once for the term "gunslinger"
- Drink once for a John Wayne comparision
- Finish the beer for those two in the same sentence, finish two beers if they are back to back in a sentence...example "He has always been a John Wayne, gunslinger"
- Shotgun a beer if John Madden does a Frank Caliendo impersonation.
Halftime
- If Collinsworth fake laughs at Olberman because the joke went over his head, you don't have to drink, because you didn't get it either
- One shot for a Devin Hester run back
- If the Packers are losing, one shot for every forced Brett Favre throw or INT
- If they are winning, same thing, because he plays the same either way
Just follow half one rules and be glad you made it through without punching your TV
1. Just before the Victorino home run, there was a shot of the crowd that included a guy with a shirt that read "Phuck Filly."
This girl would love him.
2. Matt Herges looks like a guy on your slow pitch, beer league softball team that plays in jeans/jorts and no spikes and slips all around the field.
Ariel notes how the announcers have really given Moyer the business so far about his age early on here in Game 3.
I told her about this article by Jim Caple I read today."Down 2-0 in their NL Division Series with Colorado, Philadelphia turns its season over to a pitcher old enough that the Rockies are probably studying his past games on silent, black-and-white kinescope.
It gets better."Jamie Moyer will turn 45 next month yet continues to give middle-aged Americans hope despite their growing paunches and thinning hair."
I think Michael Scott needs to have a word with Mr. Caple about "ageism."
A happy belated birthday to the greatest hockey goalie ever, Patrick Roy.
We could show a YouTube clip of his greatest saves but that would get a little boring. So how about one of the best sound bites of trash talk, directed at Jeremy Roenick.
If only he followed it with a "now go get your f'n shinebox."
Thanks to the guys over at Popjocks.com for finding this little nugget of awesomeness.
According to Yahoo sports, A-Rod was the sole reason the Yankees lost to the Indians 2-1 in Game 2 of the ALDS.
The rest of the team had much more productive 0-4 nights, including an 0-5 Damon and Matsui and Posada leaving two runners on a piece.
Yankees had three hits tonight in 11 innings. Eight hits in two games. A-Rod's fault.
Oh and those Joba curveballs in the dirt...A-Rod's fault.
Those crazy bugs...fourth of the ten plagues of A-Rod.
photo courtesy of Bugs and Cranks
Video via the700level via Philly.com
Click here:
The Hat is (thus far) more accurate in ranking his "confidence" for Lineups, Starters & Pen than is Steve Phillips.
The hat is (thus far) is 12.5% accurate compared to Steve Phillips' 8%.
In our book, that's 4.5% better.
(See unscientific explanation here)
Note: for Bullpen, Phillips had the Phillies ranked 4th. Based on our shady ranking criteria, they are actually tied for 3rd. Soooo close.
Longtime friend and funny-man the chief from Your Fantasy Team Sucks will be adding his off-color humor and New England-biased perspective to HHR.
Your Fantasy Team Sucks is going to be taking a hiatus from all non-FUFL postings for awhile, as I seek to influence the content of Hugging Harold Reynolds. They are gaining respect and readership among the sports blogosphere, and I think I am just the person to put an end to that. I am sure you will agree.
I think the move will provide me the release from the glass cage of emotion I have built for myself. As you can see here, it has its drawbacks:FUFL power rankings will continue of course, and at least now I have an excuse for not updating them until Fridays.
Having gone a paltry 5-5 last week, the Rev is barely treading water in the pick’em league. It would have looked a whole lot better at 7-3 had Oregon not lost at home to Cal and had Texas not lost at home to K-State.
But you shall not hear me complain. I’m back on the horse (although apparently drunk in the saddle and riding backwards) and ready to go this week.
Here are the picks (in CAPS):
10 points: OHIO STATE (5-0) at Purdue (5-0): After losing key contributors from last year’s national runners-up squad, the Buckeyes seem to have reloaded nicely. Of course, OSU is always the champion of the regular season, so the 5-0 record should not come as a big surprise. What is a surprise is Purdue’s 5-0 record and gaudy passing statistics tallied up by QB Curtis Painter. The key to this game is whether the Bucks can get pressure on Painter. I expect they will, forcing Painter into a couple bad throws that kill drives and turn into points for OSU.
9 points: Cincinnati (5-0) at RUTGERS (3-1): Cincinnati is another very surprising team at 5-0 who will face their first major test of the season Saturday at Rutgers. Piscataway is arguably one of the toughest venues for opposing teams, and the RU student section is known to be “colorful”. The Bearcats ruined Rutgers’ season last year with an upset loss in Cincinnati, so the Scarlet Knights will definitely have revenge on their mind.
8 points: Florida (4-1) at LSU (5-0): This game definitely lost some of its luster after the Gators got upset last week at home by Auburn. Florida beat LSU last year in Gainesville en route to the national championship, and the top-ranked Tigers look to return the favor Saturday. I think it would be tough for this Florida team to lose two straight, but this LSU squad looks very, very good. The fact that they’ll have 90,000 or so crazy Cajuns screaming for Gator blood won’t hurt their cause, either.
7 points: Virginia Tech (4-1) at CLEMSON (4-1): Where is the ACC? I thought this super-conference was supposed to dominate the college football landscape. Anyway, I don’t know where this game’s going, so I’m giving Clemson the nod since they’re at home.
6 points: Georgia (4-1) at TENNESSEE (2-2): This is the consolation game in the SEC East this year. The winner will probably come in second in the East, the loser will probably accompany Vanderbilt in the cellar. Not much on the line in this one except bragging rights (and maybe Phil Fulmer’s job, which is always interesting fodder for UT fans). Georgia’s got a scrappy bunch who’s only loss is to South Carolina, who will be jumping into the top 10 this coming week. However, for several seasons UGA seems to have lacked the killer instinct that really elite teams possess, and I can definitely see Tennessee squeaking by them at home.
5 points: OKLAHOMA (4-1) at Texas (4-1): You know this rivalry is serious when you get headlines like this:
“Church Deacon, OU Fan Tears Scrotum Of UT Fan In Bar Fight.”
And no, I am not making that up.
4 points: Nebraska (4-1) at MIZZOU (4-0): Talent-wise, Nebraska may have a slight edge on Mizzou, which may lead many savvy pickers to roll with the Huskers in this game. But the Bill Callahan factor will play a role in this game, that is, an offensive series or two being horribly mismanaged or allowing Mizzou to hang around way too long to make the game interesting down to the final whistle. Mizzou is undefeated and looking to prove that they’re good at something besides baseball, and I think they’ve got just enough firepower to knock out Nebraska.
3 points: Kansas (4-0) at KANSAS STATE (3-1): I didn’t even know Kansas was undefeated until I looked at this week’s slate of games. So I did some digging and found that they’d beaten Central Michigan, Southeast Louisiana, Toledo, and Florida International. I say “way to go” Jayhawks! Now prepare to resume your role as a punching bag in the Big XII.
2 points: MIAMI (4-1) at North Carolina (1-4): North Carolina will be good under Butch Davis, but not this year.
1 point: WISCONSIN (5-0) at Illinois (4-1): I’ve been living dangerously picking the Badgers week after week, but they keep rewarding me with wins. So I won’t turn my back on them now. Zooker’s got the Illini playing well, maybe over their heads, but that’s a good thing. I hate that the Big Ten has essentially turned into a two team race every year, with Ohio State and Michigan jockeying for the top spot. So if Illinois can add a little spice back into what has become a boring league (there, I said it), I’ll take it. This game is way down at the 1 spot because I have no clue where it’s gonna go. But I hope it goes the Badgers way. Wisconsin 27, Illinois 26.
Season Record: 29-21
-posted by the Rev' Shaw Moore
I hit like Mays, and I run like Hayes. (And I evade taxes like Rose).
TSG: Judge Blasts Snipes Ploy
Photo: nydailynews.com
Since, admittedly, the staff at HHR (except Fat Willard) has little interest in Ice Hockey, and none (including Fat Willard) know much about the sport, our good friends at PopJocks have graciously allowed us to use their NHL related material here at HHR for the benefit of the smattering of readers we have. Welcome the boys on-board and be free to check their site regularly.
Thanks to the NY Daily News, Tampa Tribune, and the Birmingham News for shedding light on this little controversy...
Apparently the old guard in the SEC – in this case, Nick Saban – is none too pleased with the success the South Florida Bulls (currently ranked #6 in the AP poll, #9 in the coaches’ poll) have enjoyed thus far this season.
Thus sayeth Saban:
"There are a significant amount of players who don't qualify and they end up being pretty good players at some other schools. I think there are six guys starting on the South Florida defense who probably would have gone to Florida or Florida State, but Florida and FSU couldn't take them."
Who knew he was a college admissions counselor as well?
A justifiably upset Bulls coach Jim Leavitt responded to the accusations by saying that of 110 players on his roster, only two were partial qualifiers (one starter, one sub). Rightly so, Leavitt offered to resign if his facts were incorrect.
Said Leavitt:
"(Saban) and I have always had a good relationship, but to sit there and tell the world something that he doesn't know about is not right. Six defensive starters? Why's he making a statement like that? Florida, Florida State didn't recruit those guys anyway.
"Why that bothers me is it takes a hit at the credibility of our program that we can't do it with just hard work. There always has to be some reason. That is the heart and soul of our program. So he's attacking the heart and soul."
What is strikingly ironic about Saban’s accusations is his implication that the SEC operates on a much higher academic plain than the rest of the college football universe. Now, I will not argue that the University of South Florida is some great institution of higher learning. But you’ll also have to pardon me if I never confused Alabama for MIT.
I thought you just had to have a pulse and a really good 40-time to play for the crimson and white. Or any other team in the SEC (save Vanderbilt) for that matter. It’s not exactly like the league is chock-full of a bunch of helmeted Einsteins.
In communications class, we called Saban’s comments “deflection”. It’s like Justice Potter Stewart’s famous line about pornography – I know it when I see it, or in this case, hear it.
Eventually, Saban’s comments on South Florida will eventually run their course, and people will begin to talk about other interesting subjects – namely, his own team’s shortcomings. Bama’s lost two straight games, and in all fairness, it should be three. Plus, Tennessee, LSU and Auburn are still looming on the schedule.
It doesn’t get any easier from here on out for Saban, and I doubt it would matter if he had an entire roster full of partial qualifiers to help him in this task. Saban was hired to bring Alabama football back to prominence, but an 8-4 record will hardly be acceptable in the eyes of many fans in Tuscaloosa.
-posted by Rev. Shaw Moore
With the NBA pre-season about to kick off this weekend, we all know that there's few things more exciting than pro hoops.
Here's one...
A-Rod, wife expecting second child
It's in the belly of a stripper in Toronto. RIMSHOT! But seriously folks, this is bad news for A-Rod haters. Nothing takes your mind off of work like thinking about how you are going to feed another kid when you make a measly $25 million a year. And how is A-Rod going to find time to cheat? He will only have road trips.
This is trouble for the Indians. You don't want an unfocused A-Rod. He will kill you. Grady and his ladies want A-Rod as focused and overthinking this series as much as possible.
Ok, Biggest Loser recap. I know this is a day late...
This week, the trainers were included in the temptation as well as the challenge. Each trainer was shown a table full of cupcakes, with 1 being a healthy cupcake. If they chose to eat the right cupcake they would have won more time to complete the challenge. All the trainers chose the high road and did not give in to the temptaion. Hindsight is 20/20, and the way Bob was eyeing up those cupcakes, I think he wishes he would have given it a go...
So the challenge was that each team had to negotiate a time in which they thought they could run down a mountain, pick up their team's flag, and get it back up the mountain. With this wager going on, each team could keep lowering the time with which they thought they could complete the challenge - until another team dared them to do so. The black team had a time of 5min 30sec to complete the challenge. Hollie took a dive on the way down, and with seconds left to make it up, they just missed their time. Since the red team challenged them, they had to beat that time. Well clearly they beat the time, leaving the blue team wondering why the hell they didn't at least try to compete in the first place.
Pretty Allison Sweeney wouldn't tell the red team what they won until the weigh-in.
Ok, weigh-in time. Red team learns they won immunity, which is good since the entire team lost like no weight. I think it was a total of like 9 pounds over 4 people, with a few only losing 1 pound. On the flip side, the black team lost a ton of weight, so crazy Jillian must be doing something right. Now its down to the blue... They put up decent numbers but can't lose enough weight to beat the black team. So back to elimination they go.
Funny little twist though.... Kae the smallest of the blue team, but lost the most weight, 6 pounds, and is down to 191. Since she was the biggest loser for her team, she can't be eliminated. I bet the blue team is kicking themselves for getting rid of Gerry last week. See the whole point is to lose a lot of weight each week. If you don't have a lot to lose, then you aren't going to win the weigh in, and you'll have to keep eliminating people. They should have dropped Kae last week since she has the least to lose, and then maybe this week they wouldn't be facing elimination. But whatever. They got rid of Patty, which I guess is fine. It would have been her or Nicole. Unfortunately it's harder for the ladies to lose the same volume of weight as the men, and they are easier to pick off from the beginning.
Early predictions - The brothers on the black team seem like they'll hang around. If Black goes to elimination, I think Hollie will be the first to go. She is too emotional and can't handle the pressure. I like David and Amy on the Red team, and Neil and Ryan on the Blue team.
Until next week....
.... hmm, getting kinda hungry.
-posted by Ariel
An update from our unscientific science experiment.
Taking into account the National League games yesterday, Steve Phillips is a whopping 16% more accurate than our trusty New Era. Being that The Hat was not at all accurate, that means Phillips is 16% accurate following game 1's. Obviously, this will change as the series' progress, but we feel we owe it to interested parties to keep you apprised of progress.
The following stats were taken into account (and calculated via STATS.com), and teams were ranked accordingly:
LINEUP
H
R
HR
SB
TB
Rank
Starting Pitching
IP
W
L
K
ERA
WHIP
Rank
BULLPEN
IP
W
L
K
Hold
S
ERA
WHIP
H
R
HR
SB
TB
Rank
Starting Pitching
IP
W
L
K
ERA
WHIP
Rank
BULLPEN
IP
W
L
K
Hold
S
ERA
WHIP
Here is the breakdown:
Depending on who you listen to, Walt Jocketty has resigned/been let go/been forced out/been fired as general manager of the St. Louis Cardinals.
Bad news for the Cards. Good news for any other team looking to build a winner.
All Jock did in St. Louis was help build a club that won six division titles, a wild card berth, two National League pennants, and one World Series championship.
Through various trades, free agent signings, and waiver wire moves, he signed the likes of Mark McGwire, Will Clark, Jim Edmonds, Jason Isringhausen, Larry Walker, Chris Carpenter, Scott Rolen and David Eckstein, all fan favorites in St. Louis and critical players who have made the Cards’ recent success possible.
Happy trails, Jock. You will be missed.