Everyone has been asking which bowl will be the most important this weekend. Here is my prediction...



This one right here.

Kickoff is around 1:20am. Should finish up around 10:30 a.m. New Year's Day.

Happy New Year to all!

Because that champagne shit is so 1972.

Bill Belichick will attempt a smile.

Tom Brady will get a living relative of the Dolphins '72 team pregnant.

Tom seduces Mrs. Cszonka

In later years, dig up Don Shula's corpse and kick it in the nuts.


Randy Moss will cornrow Merc Morris' artificial box fade.


Jager Shots.


Stephen Gostkowski will reenact the play that made Garo Yepremian famous.

I watched a hell of a competition yesterday. Professional athletes, mixed with a little celebrity, in a game where the smallest defect was not only exploited by opponents but on display for an entire national audience to see. Who could have expected the underdogs - with nothing really on the line - to put up such a gritty fight against the more established competitors? All I can say is when Natalie Gulbis nailed her first shot over the water hazard to within 5' of the pin on the last challenge of the day, you knew the pairings of Bubba Watson/Dan Marino and Greg Norman/Roger Clemens finally had a game on their hands. I speak of course of the PGA ADT Skills Challenge. What a ride! Then I heard there was a football game on so I watched it.

Channel Five's camera may have panned across those T-shirts for just a second, revealing the trendy new gloat-garb for New England, but it felt like a day at the DMV. Who in their right mind would show something like that? Had that happened with the Red Sox in a similar position, the Massachusetts legislature would have passed a bill in 20 minutes proclaiming that pummeling an on-site network producer who flouts sports karma is considered justifiable homicide. I tried to look away, but I saw the shirt. The shirt that was 100% responsible for Eli Manning playing like an NFL quarterback.
Channel Five decided to taunt the Football Gods and it came back in a big way - via a kickoff return for a TD and overall special teams meltdown that kept the game closer than it should have been. People were surprised with the quality of Eli Manning's play, especially Cris Collinsworth - which was weird. This game meant nothing to the Giants. NOTHING. Of Course Eli had a big game. It was four full quarters of garbage time! To paraphrase Ralph Wiggum: Garbage Time - Where Mannings are vikings!

Ren and Fat Willard's moaning about Rodney Harrison - who was clean this entire year by the way - while amusing, shows how crazy this Patriots season is than anything else. There was nothing to really criticize about the Pats, was there? Pundits and other bloggers seemed personally offended that the Pats were dominating without a running game. Belichick gave the finger to the NFL the entire way through the season, but it wasn't in running up the score - it was the decision to abandon any pretense of a viable ground game - the first commandment of the NFL: Thou shalt run the ball. True Story: somewhere in suburban Maryland, Gregggg Easterbrook melted.

It was a great game to watch, especially if you like yelling WELKAHHHHH!!!! WELKAHH!!!! HE'S LIKE DUSTIN PEDROIA WITH MUSCLES!!!!! Which, my wife apparently does.

While the rest of the country was watching the Patriots make sports history, the Governor of Massachusetts, of all people, wasn't.

From the NYT's The Caucus:

Mr. Obama hailed Gov. Deval Patrick of Massachusetts, who is traveling with him and introduced him, complimenting him for being on the stump rather than kicking back at his home state team’s attempt to become the first to go 16-0 in the regular season.

“For him to travel today when he could be at the Patriots game …” Mr. Obama said, drawing a smile from Mr. Patrick and applause from his audience.

The author, a self-proclaimed Boston die-hard, even throws a little man-love Tom Brady's way:

I just heard a good passing play from the Master of the Universe, Tom Brady.

When did Dreamboat Baby start blogging for the Times?

Before the chief has a chance to reflect upon the Patriots' perfect regular season, Ren and Willard would like to congratulate New England for their remarkable run.

Let this be a lesson for all you kids out there. Good things happen to those who take short cuts.

"Sure, my name should be as tarnished as anyone on the Mitchell list, but I'm a Patriot, and it's my sexy body and I'll do what I want. "

The 'Pursuit of Perfection' comes down to this...Who can sports fan tolerate longer?

The 1972 Dolphins show up on TV and in print every season that a team reaches about 10-0 and the 'can they go undefeated' column gets pulled and updated from every sports writer's Save folder. It's right under the 'Coach ____ has to go' piece and the 'holiday wish list' that compiles all the things the old crotch wants to change about sports.

I've become numb to Dolphins by now. Especially this season. Csonka, Shula, Griese, and ol' Merc are just old men talking about old glory and when the game was great. They are like every other old guy in life, if you ignore them long enough they go away. If that fails, just finish every one of their stories for them and they get the hint.

Shouldn't Merc's head get an * ?

But if the Pats do go undefeated they will replace the Dolphins as the go-to guys for sound clips, quotes and feelings about another team going undefeated. Can we live with that? Do we need to see Tom Brady every season talking about the undefeated season as he ages gracefully and has already moved on to seven other models with names missing vowels and bodies tighter than a nun's va-jay-jay? Could I handle Teddy Bruschi and Mike Vrabel trotted out every pregame show to talk about what it was like in the locker room? Will Belichick even talk to a reporter after he retires? Could I stand Randy Moss in graying cornrows yapping about how great this team was? I have to say yes to all of the above.

It's the lesser of two evils. But at least if I have to watch the 2007 Patriots for the next five decades, I will remember the season. I will remember the team, the games, the way they toyed and teased and then dominated a team. I'll remember the Monday Night game when Baltimore came so close to ending the undefeated run and turning Brian Bilick's ego to a code red threat. But at least I will remember and won't have to rely on shoddy footage, the memory of men who can't tell you what they had for dinner let alone the accounts of a game from 1972, and the ramblings of Mercury Morris rewriting history.

It hurts me to say this, because of the fan base involved, but I am hoping for a Patriots undefeated season. I'd much rather see Kool-Aid Maroney rapping on Sportcenter for the next forty years.

It's going to be fantastic television to have Kool-Aid warning any potential undefeated teams not to call him when dey in his hood, but call him when dey in his crib. WASH YOU ASS!

(Photo: MSNBC)

Answer: You bet your sweet ass he is.

You might have noticed in ESPN's Hall of Fame 2008 section where writers "debate" the merits of borderline MLB Hall of Famers such as Mark McGuire, Goose Gossage, Bert Blylevin and HHR favorite Tim "Rock" Raines.

Mr. Baseball Peter Gammons took the liberty of going back and forth with Jason Stark (sans mustachio) on the topic of Raines.

In our very first post, we noted a story about what a major league hand job Gammons.

Each year when Hall of Fame voting rolls around, there is as much debate over the power of Baseball Writers Association of America as there is over the players on the ballot themselves. Truth be told, these writers hold in their hands the ability to control individuals' immortality, an immortality most of these writers will never know. And worse than that, they know it, and they exploit it; they flaunt it. They alone know who is and who isn't worthy of enshrinement.

Whether its Lupica, or to an extent Bob Ryan, these guys hold themselves in such high regard as the end-all, be-all of sports knowledge. None, so pompous, however, as Gammons. Yet for some odd reason, the public seems to revere him and his smug look and attitude.

If nothing else, just know that Gammons hates kids.

Oh and he is better than you. As are all the old-school baseball and sports writers who made their bones in mail and copy rooms while you were still dating cheerleaders.

Continue to worship them if you must, as that is what they insist you do. Gammons especially. He is a god. He controls destiny. He can be as big an ass to kids as he wants, know one will blink an eye. Immortals can do that. You are just a lowly man, even if you made him what he is, ego and all.

Referee pulls out red card, then a gun

A Malaysian referee took out his gun and fired warning shots in the air after a local soccer match turned unruly following the suspension of a player, a newspaper said Tuesday.

The referee, who was also a policeman, ran to his patrol car to get his gun after players mobbed him for showing the red-card to one of them, the New Straits Times said.

Texas A & M Apologizes For Paterno "Death Bed" Comment.

Still no apology from HHR for JoePa/Simon Birch comparison.

Ariel, with her trusty subscription to US Magazine, is able to keep in line with the "Romo Rumor" mill.

Jason Witten and Joe Simpson may go ga-ga over Cowboy Tony, but apparently Romo ex Carrie Underwood is happy to be free of the proverbial albatross that is the star-struck Dallas QB.

Says the mag: "She [Underwood] thanks her lucky stars she isn't with Tony anymore!" Adding, "She thinks it's a joke he's with Jessica Simpson and sees him as a player. Carrie and Chace call him 'the player' and Jessica 'the ditz.'"

So do we, Carrie. So do we.

(Photo: ABCNews.com)

Just before Christmas, we pointed readers to the NJ.com Giants Forum to give those of you not in the NY metro region a feeling about how fans feel and what they are saying about Giant QB Eli Manning. We ain't gonna lie to ya, there is no love lost on this site for Elisha.

Thumbing through the board this afternoon, folks up in the Meadowlands are still none to pleased with their field general.

Earlier in the season, Fat Willard and me (Ren) had an argument over Tiki Barber's comments on his former teammate. Willard, a Giants fan, basically came back with the same general response most Giants fans had at the time - "F*ck, you, Tiki." I on the other hand, never a Manning fan, said, "Hey, he's a journalist now, he's telling it like he sees it," (whether it was a dick move or not to throw his former backfield partner under the bus). Because frankly, Tiki really didn't say anything all that ground breaking. Anyone who's had the "pleasure" of watching Eli for the last four years would tell you, if they were being honest, that Tiki was simply stating what everyone already thought.

My big beef with Elisha goes back to draft day, and the shananigans he and daddy pulled to get him to New York in the first place. Sure, he wasn't the first (ahem, Elway) and probably won't be the last, but it was simply poor form on the whole family's part.

What's worse is that the aftermath has just been the complete melt down under the hot Big City lights by the bumbling little brother from Weesie-anna.

Here is a comment today by poster silviorules titled "Eli:"

Listen. Here is why people dont like Eli, at least why I dont.

A.) He gets drafted, without winning any big games in college and is the no brainer #1 where I dont know if he should have been.

B.) Draft Day, he DEMANDS not to play in San Diego, so the giants give up a quartet of draft picks to go get him.

C.) He has not made any great strides since he has joined the giants, and dont tell me he has, becasue its painfully obvious that he hasnt.

D.) They got a great offensive line, they have a great running game, they have a great pass catching TE, a #1 WR, Plax, a great #2 in Amani Toomer nad more than suitable spare part WRS

E.) He hated Hufnagle and wanted Gilbride and Palmer. He got them, and he still hasnt gotten better this season.

F.) I know people say i dont know how he is as a leader behind closed doors, id guess its the same as he is on the field. that dumb look, that flabbergasted expression constantly.

G.) You never see him consulting with players on the bench, he is always looking at the paper with his coach, football is more than X's and O's its emotion, its rhythm, its getting a feel for eachother, he doesnt have that nor does he want it.

The bottom line is, we are where we are, because we stop the run and we run the ball very well.The team is very susceptable to great passing teams, and the pass defense basically is blitzing, if they get to the QB the game is gonna go well, if they dont, we are on our backs.

When Eli puts up his best numbers are when he is in the gun facing teams in a deep shell cover 4, giving up the underneath stuff.

He flutters so many passes, makes so many crucial errors.

Rothlisberger, Brady they won right off the bat,

I cant tell you how many games i have listened to this, "Vince Young is in his second year he has to start showing improvment now" However Eli is in his 4th year and they say O well its only his fourth year...

Im sick of people defending him, let him take his lumps, maybe he will produce....

Well said, silviorules.

4 and a half months later, fans owe Tiki an apology. So does Elisha.

While it is wrong to make light of the tragic DUI-death caused by Jimmy Leyritz, the one-time World Series hero bears a striking resmblence in his mug shot to MTV True Life and Jersey's own "Time Share Tommy."




Someone get him some f'n cheeseballs.

We woke this morning to a wonderful surprise...a mention along with The Big Lead and KSK in Dave Darling's Weekend Watchdog Sports Media Year in Review in the Orlando Sentinel highlighting the growth of sports blogs.

Granted, the headline isn't all that flattering, but #9 in the list is.

Pop Culture Grid Fun

Jason Witten has a one-track mind...All Tony Romo, all the time.

Witten's New Year's Resolution: "To Win the Super Bowl" (With Tony Romo)

Celeb that Should Take it East in 2008: "Jessica Simpson" (With Tony Romo)

Gossip Story of the Year: "Anything Tony Romo" (With Tony Romo)


It seems Jason's Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be Cowboys, lest they spend their working lives with man-crushes on one another.

Resident WIP-AM stand-in man and special teams specialist, Ike Reese stood in for the midday team today on-air. No word whether he will be standing in for Charlie Murphy anytime soon.

Sutton to try for 800th victory with San Francisco

800 wins? Those are some lofty expectations considering he retired in 1988 with just 324. Must have been waiting out the Mitchell Report till the coast was clear..uhh...cream...wait....nevermind.



With that hair, I hope he was on something. At least a little bit of the booger sugar. It was the 80's, lighten up.

Look, we are all for protecting Mother Earth, but the hypocrisy associated with the so-called green movement just kills us.

We aren't about to sit here and tell you what is and what isn't inconvenient bullshit. But if this headline/story makes your eyes role and your stomach turn, well then you're with us, Leather.

NFL to plant trees in Arizona because of Super Bowl's effect

Fans of baseball have had mixed reactions to the Mitchell Report, some will always be avid fans and others are on the extreme have sworn off the sport similar to the strike of 1994, but most probably lie somewhere in between.

But now, we are beginning to see the true trickle down affects that are causing outrage across the fan spectrum. Yesterday, the impacts of the Mitchell Report hit home for me.

While having a relaxing evening playing MLB '07 the Show on my PSP, my new opponent was the already roid filled Yankees, but to my utter dismay the Yankmees further artificially stacked their lineup in the offseason by acquiring Miguel Tejada. Thankfully, my beloved Tigers were able to power their way to victory (no roids in my lineup). Still, what the hell?

(Coincidence big headed bobbleheads became popular during steroid era?)

Do I have a right to edit my opponents' players' attributes? Does Sony, EA or MLB have a patch that I can download to accurately portray players' skill levels pending the amount of butt shots they've taken? I am in year five of season mode (3 World Series titles), what can they do for me?

Bud Selig needs to know that gamers were damaged too and demand retribution. Selig does not understand that steroids have not only damaged the trust of fans and the testicles of the players, but it goes deeper.

I lost my family fantasy league on the last day of the season. Neck and neck after the All Star break. The winner had Shef and Tejada. That's money out of my pocket!! Who knows what this going to do to the family makeup when I demand my money back.

Add gamers and fantasy owners to a growing list that are now in pain. Beware of the steroid trickle. It may ruin your evening and family.

Think Eagles fans are rough on McNabb? Check out Giants' fans feelings on Eli's impending date with New England and the upcoming playoffs on the NJ.com Giants Forum.

Here's a taste of the Meadowlands' faithfuls' views on their "fearless" leader this Christmas Eve...

testarossa33:

lets not his subpar performance effect our feelings for this team. Our rushing defense got on track, and our defense played great! Don't let your opinions on Eli overcome the good from our team and the potential we have

Train64:

Sorry,we know after the Pats game our home schedule is done for year,why get Mannings confidence any lower with a meaningless game..let him rest and worry about his week 1 playoff game on road against TB..there is nothing to gain in this spot!!

Pheidippides:

[Eli's passer rating of 70] is bad enough, but when you factor in his immobility and "dear in the headlights" lack of leadership he is nothing short of horrendous. The trade for him ranks right up there with the worst in NFL history.

Merry Christmas, Fredo. Say hi to Cooper for us this holiday dinner.

Photo: SPTimes.com

For the purity of sport

I raise the glove thing because in all the talk these days about purity in sports, the issue of performance-enhancing gloves - and let's be clear here, that's what they are - is never raised. They're not illegal, but they should be.

Fair enough argument, but we then want to get his take on the on-field psychological advantage of mouthguard usage, that pads are for girls, cleats are CHEATING, and the performance enhancing benefits of athletic supporters.

This author must be tough. He punches horses.

Gloves could have prevented this. But we're so glad they didn't.

Is it me or does Steve Spagnuolo look like a real ginker roaming the Giants' sideline?

Like a poor man's Rich Vos.

I know the struggle.

The 700 Level posts some links to 76er video highlights that make me remember the days my uncle would buy tickets in the very last row of the Spectrum so that we could watch Doc and company.

Sixers Fall To Lakers, Produce Old School Highlights

For a second I was tempted to get some tickets, if for no other reason, Mo Cheeks is roaming the bench.

Since that's probably not going to happen, I instead downloaded G. Love & Special Sauce's I-76.

Charles Barkley dissed Larry Bird.

What a jack off.

AP: Boy, 8, sued in ski crash

A 60-year-old man is taking an 8-year-old boy and his dad to court, claiming the third-grader caused a ski-slope collision that left the older man with a shoulder injury.

The boy told Pfahler he was sorry and started to ski away when the man grabbed Scott’s legs, cursed at him and said he would sue, Robb Swimm told The Aspen Times.

And maybe I could sue for punitive damages that you’re giving me.

Cease and desist or I will cripple you with my death stare.

Our buddy Illuminati at phillyBurbs' The Third Eye points out:

Chuck Norris is suing Penguin Group Inc. and the author of The Truth about Chuck Norris to stop them from publishing a book based on the infamous Chuck ‘facts’ website(s).

Good take by Illuminati:

Here is the sad truth (or how I see it). I bet Chuck is flattered, and always has been. But as soon as there is cash to be made on his name, Chuck is angry because he isn’t getting a cut of the action. Here is my guess on the outcome. They settle, the books goes out, and Chuck gets a nice hunk of change for his troubles.

Money solves everything.

So does Chuck Norris’ fist.

God is pissed and sent down a plague just in time for the holidays.

Bloomberg News: Texas Football Succumbs to Virulent Staph Infection From Turf

Sixteen-year-old Boone, a wide receiver for Texas's Austin High School, was suffering from a recurrence of methicillin- resistant staphylococcus aureus, or MRSA, which his doctor said he got through an abrasion from playing on artificial turf, Baker said.

Texas has artificial turf at 18 percent of its high school football stadiums, according to Web site Texasbob.com. It also has an MRSA infection rate among players that is 16 times higher than the estimated national average, according to three studies by the Texas Department of State Health Services.

If Ya'll Wanna Win Let Boobie Spin
(Photo: ESPN.com)

From WRAL.com via Drudge:

Three UNC football players were the victims in a kidnapping, robbery and sexual assault incident that occurred over the weekend, a source tells WRAL.

When police arrived at the scene, they found two of the victims, tied up, in boxer shorts. The third victim was fully clothed with his hands tied.

At least two were were sexually assaulted, prosecutors said.

www.HowManyFiveYearOldsCouldYouTakeInaFight.com

This short survey will tell you approximately how many five year old children you could fight at once. Results are based on physical prowess, training, swarm-combatting experience, and the flexibility of your moral compass. Here are the ground rules:

• You are in an enclosed area roughly the size of a basketball court
• There are no weapons or foreign objects
• Everyone is wearing a cup (so no kicks to the groin)
• The children are merciless and will show no fear
• If a child is knocked unconscious, he is "out." The same goes for you.

Thanks to Assassin Avenue for the link.

Naughty elves, Prince, and Kyle Orton is passed out again.
Plus the obligitory Jessica Simpson reference and JP Losman is left to fend for himself, Culkin-style.

Click for a better view.

I've been waiting a year to work a Paps/Smear joke into a post. I thank Paps for giving me the opportunity. (Someone at the Trentonian needs to hire me).

The dog ate it? Closer's canine reportedly chews on history

Former Brewers outfielder Jenkins agrees with Phils

Can someone get me a number crunch real quick?



Stick to the plan.

God damnit, Geoff.

(Photo: americasteamsucks.com)

Just hours ago we both chided TO for picking on an innocent diva while also noting how impressed we were that he took that route as opposed to blaming his QB, as he so often does (Misdirected Anger).

However, as predicted, Terrell has cast the first stone at Cowboy Tony:

"He had a bad game. I don't think she had anything to do with it."

Granted, he threw in "We lost as a team." But still. Not Jessica's fault. Tony's bad game.

Report: T.O. apologizes, says he was kidding about Simpson

OK. I'll try not to be such a Debbie Downer, only if he also comes back with:

"I'm sorry I called Jeff Garcia a butt pirate."
"I'm sorry for ruining the Eagles franchise."
"I'm sorry, Hugh Douglas."
"Mooch, my bad, man."
"Tuna, this is a playoff team you built."
"Grandma, Im sorry you raised me to be such a cock-knocker."
"Donnie Mac, you were the best QB I ever played with not named Koy."
"I am sorry EMTs for making you drive to my house so late that night."

Yeah, we know. Won't happen. So what the hell, give Cowboy Tony the biz.

The Atlanta Falcons' Mortimer Duke just doesn't learn...

Mike Vick
Bobby Petrino
Tuna Parcells

The REAL Bill Simmons, Wing Bowl legend, El Wingador.
(photo: philadelphiaweekly.com)

The Sports Guy isn't the only Bill Simmons who has a firm grasp on his trade as an innovator and pioneer. Bill "El Wingador" Simmons is what you what call a legend in his own right. And his talent is arguably as impressive as his ESPN counterpart.

On Feb. 1 , 2008 at 6:00 am, the greatest eaters in the world will descend upon the Wachovia Center for WIP's Wing Bowl 16, rumored to be the last of the legendary, annual Philadelphia gluttonous extravaganza.

This year's event will pit 5-time Wing Bowl champ El Wingador against reigning champ, and HHR Sportsman of the Year, Joey Chestnut.

Wing Bowl seems to bring out the best eaters each and every year, and in all likelihood is as responsible for "legitimizing" the mainstream "appeal" of competitive eating as much as the famed Coney Island 4th of July Nathan's Hog Dog eating contest.

For an impressive, entertaining and eye-opening look at the unbelievable world of competitive eating, Eat This Book.

For an even more impressive, entertaining and eye-opening look at the unbelievable world of competitive eating, shell out $5, head to the City of Brotherly Love, get drunk at dusk and get your ass into the Wachovia Center to ogle at the Wingettes , and have yourself a blast.

In the meantime, check out some of the pre-game debauchery here.

With pride we take full credit for introducing the shenanigans of our local tabloid to the sports blogosphere. After posting it early last Friday, Clemens butt has become the online buzz post-Mitchell Report release. You saw it here first, folks. We highly doubt all the big sites frequent the local Trenton papers the way we do.

It now seems our reach goes far beyond the online community. Perusing our favorite SI section, SI Players, where we generally scour for the next Shane Victorino or Will Demps, we found something that made us leap from our seats.

Sign the Apocalypse is upon us: HHR scoops SI's print edition (Page 22).

First I lull you into a false sense of security, then BAM! Don't worry, yours is coming.
(Photo: msnbc)

Far be it for him to look in the mirror and accept a bit of responsibility for his own lackluster performance this past weekend, TO instead decides to take his frustration out on a sweet, innocent pop starlet (which, coincidentally, is everything he wants to be).

"Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite -- in this locker room or in Texas Stadium," Owens said Wednesday.

Well, I will give him credit. Whereas his quarterback is the deserved culprit for screwing the pooch in Big D, Terrell for once decided not to throw his quarterback under the bus.

The Old TO would have rephrased that: "Right now, Tony Romo is not a fan favorite -- in this locker room or in Texas Stadium." Looks like he grows up a little.

While it is easy to point to hot trim as Romo's kryptonite, the real issue is his inability to perform in a tight spot (ask Underwood), not his weakness for Hollywood vag. Maybe Terrell can blame Parcells for that.

I fret not. Once he's done hoggin' with the Tuna, I'm sure he'll go all Garcia-McNabb on Cowboy Tony.

Say what you will about Philadelphia, but the City of Brotherly Love looks out for their own. phillyBurbs.com has set up a page dedicated solely to promoting the innocence-until-proven-guilty plight of its hometown, bikini-clad, cop punching anchor.

There's a place in heaven's 700 Level for you guys. Keep fighting the good fight.

Be sure to support the small screen vixen with your own Free Alycia shwag.

Moments ago, on the day we published our 500th post, a reader from Madison, Wisconsin became our 50,000th visitor. We thank him, along with the other 49,999 of you who have blessed our homely little blog with your presence over the past 6 months.

Of course, we also thank Jimmy Traina for directing said Cheesehead to our online home, as well as the love we've received from Brooks, Epic Carnival, Awful Announcing, With Leather, Bugs and Cranks, The Big Lead, Dayn Perry and all the other major referral sites we someday aspire to be. Not to mention our friends at Going Five Hole, Pop Jocks, SVP Style, Obscure Sports Quarterly, Stu Scott's Lazy Eye, Blog of Hilarity, The Sports Hernia, The Sports Kolache and all the others we've listed under "Those We Embrace," as well as those who have, more often than not, given us crap at BallHype and Yardbarker.

We hope you've enjoyed reading as much as we've enjoyed posting.

This thumbs up is for you...


You're all Top Guns in our book.

Friends and readers...

After the NFL regular season ends, fear not. Fantasy football doesn't have to. HuggingHaroldReynolds will be running a fantasy playoff league featuring teams chosen by writers from some of our favorite sites. We also want to invite some readers to play. If you are interested, in joining the league, shoot us an email and we will be sending out information shortly.

There are a limited amount of spots that we can handle, so those interested, please let us know ASAP.

Click here for League Rules (pdf).

And don't worry, the chief is thinking of many wonderful prizes to give out.

As mentioned this morning by WFAN's Carton and Boomer...


(Also seen on SbB)

AP: Another Spears baby is reportedly on the way — and it's not Britney's. Jamie Lynn Spears, the 16-year-old "Zoey 101" star and sister of Britney, told OK! magazine that she's pregnant and that the father is her boyfriend, Casey Aldridge.

Just what we need, another Aldridge.


Seriously though, folks. Doesn't this family ever learn? (The Spearses not the Aldridges).

From Fox Sports:

MOSCOW (AP) - Russian tennis player Anna Chakvetadze was tied up by robbers who broke into her home outside Moscow on Tuesday and stole money and goods worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, her father said.

The thief also made away with most of the vowels in Anna's name.

Here are some photos of Anna:




Yeah...so..Not going to lie. The whole 'tied up' thing. Kind of hot. Very Skin-a-max. And they tied up the maid too? Wow. Getting warm in here.

Serious.

From yesterday's weekly contribution to Epic Carnival...

...when not hanging with Mayor McCheese and snorting Tater Tots off dead hookers, of course.

It's The Chief's weekly 4th Estate Graffiti!

Click for a version bigger than Jon Runyan's Eff You to Brian Westbrook fantasy owners.

In a turn of events that is sure to impress Bill Belichick, the Sporting News/EPSN is reporting:

Up to 20 Florida State players could be suspended from the Dec. 31 Music City Bowl against Kentucky and the first three games of 2008 because of their involvement in a cheating scandal, an unidentified source has told ESPN.com.

When asked for comment on 'Nole-gate, Belichick simply rubbed his hands together, nodded and smiled.

This was emailed to us by reader Yanni.

The Randy-Elizibit Wedding Reception, narrated by Lord Alfred Hayes, emceed by Mean Gene Okerlund.

ITSABLENDDERR YEAH! CANDLESTICKS! UNBELIEVABLE YEAH! IMUNNASAVE THE RIBBON YEAH!

Oh, Jake. You Snake.

The AP is reporting:

Former NFL player Todd Burger was one of five men arrested over the weekend in a bust of an alleged Internet gambling operation.

Burger, who played guard for the Chicago Bears and the New York Jets, allegedly collected gambling debts for suspect Anthony "Cheese" Pecoraro.

Upon learning Burger worked below Cheese in this alleged scheme, an HHR contact in the Somerset County Prosecutor's Office and New Jersey State Police leaked us this diagram of the complex organized crime ring:


The same source divulged that Anthony "Weiner" Alphonso and his brothers Santino and Salvatore served as bag men along with Freddie "Pickles" Muccerelli.

More on this when it become available.

Deer invades basement of Mich. home

Aye, fight and you may die, run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!

Oh Alycia, you minx.

Local anchor/eye candy Alycia Lane is in the news again. And this time it's got nothing to do with sending Rich Eisen some bikini shots in email.

This time she punched a cop.

From Fox News: Emmy Award winner Alycia Lane hit the female officer in Manhattan about 2 a.m. Sunday, said police, who provided no information about what led to the incident. The officer was treated at a hospital for a cut and was released.

Didn't we all learn from the last time someone tried to mix it up with a news anchor?

She was probably pissed because she couldn't see Eisen on the NFL Network last night either.

And we thought he was head-over-heels a year ago with his post-Thanksgiving Carrie Underwood-induced schneid.

Tony screwed the proverbial pooch while his man-crush Joe Simpson (with daughter) watched intently. Schlomo posted his lowest career QB rating in the game against the Eagles today.

Say what you will about Andy Reid, but Wade Phillips is a fat, jolly f*ck himself. The Texan on this audio could very well be him.




Damnit. Sucka gots to eat. Someone feed this sumbitch.

Thanks to our buddy Mr. Met up in Flushing for the heads-up.

While we're on Wade, he looks an awful lot like Newt, don't he?

They're popping the champaign in Tampa today, not because the Bucs slaughtered Atlanta today, but because the Miami Dolphins eeked out an overtime win this afternoon against the Ravens, thus securing (for at least another season) the '76 Bucs' distinction of being the NFL's last winless team.

Spurrier: "Suck it, 'Phins."

(HT: SbB)

Congratulations to CR and Lady Dunbar on their new edition. The world now has one more Detroit-sports-loving ginger kid.

On a greyhound bus, Lord I'm traveling this morning

I'm going to Shreveport and on down to New Orleans

Been driving these highways,

Been doing things my way

It's been making me lonesome on'ry and mean

chief did a little traveling this week, so his picking on the "experts" came a little late this week.

All that traveling put him in a bad mood like our boy Waylon. So he decided to take it out on Mangenious.

Click for a version the size of Baldinger's hand.

(cheif and Mrs. chief on the road this week)

Don't mess with him. He's one bad Outlaw.

It was the headline that got me: US sportswriters urge end to sluggers' 'freak show.' Professional Sportswriters (for lack of a better term) are finally calling out the players for their misdeeds and what they have done to the league and the game. This is interesting for two reasons. The first is a general acknowledgment that the Mitchell Report confirms many things that sportswriters and players had heard all along. So where were the (pre-Barry Bonds) stories? The media professionals are just as culpable for letting this go on as the players. A-Rod hangs out with a mann-ish stripper and ESPN's all over it right away, but the McGuire v Sosa home run battle? Crickets.

Second, if I'm a player (and I am.. ROWR! Ladies, call me!) then I would have a few choice words for the sportswriters of America. Namely, inquiring if the collective beat reporters' online notes-exchange sites have been terminated. Remember that? All the way back to March of this year. To review, Boston Globe Reporter Ron Borges was suspended because he plagiarized from another publication, and acknowledge his source material was an online community of sports reporters who upload their notes with the understanding that they could use others' in exchange. Who says the MSM hasn't learned anything in the internet age? This is journalistic Napster, people.

Dan Shanoff and Deadspin both discussed the larger implications of widespread sports plagiarism, so there's nothing for to add. But a briefly exposed and conveniently forgotten reporters' online notes-exchange is the same kind of performance enhancement for which our righteous professional sportswriters crucify the players. Just because you're not getting a needle in the ass, doesn't mean it's not cheating. Then again, it's only cheating if you get caught, right?

Below are the President's remarks (courtesy of the Baltimore Sun) following this morning's cabinet meeting in response to the following question.

Q Mr. President, on the Mitchell report, sir, do you think that the baseball players actually mentioned in the report should be punished?

THE PRESIDENT: A couple of reactions to the Mitchell report. As you know, I'm a baseball fan; I love the sport, I love the game. Like many fans, I've been troubled by the steroid allegations. I think it's best that all of us not jump to any conclusions on individual players' name, but we can jump to this conclusion: that steroids have sullied the game, and players and the owners must take the Mitchell report seriously. I'm confident they will.

And my hope is that this report is a part of putting the steroid era of baseball behind us. You know, I -- in the State of the Union a couple of years ago, I addressed the issue of steroids, and the reason I did so is because I understand the impact that professional athletes can have on our nation's youth. And I just urge our -- those in the public spotlight, particularly athletes, to understand that when they violate their bodies, they're sending a terrible signal to America's young.

-------------------

Below are Official Remarks from Thursday's Press Briefing with White House Press Secretary Dana Perino on the Mitchell Report. Press questions specifically inquire about the President's knowledge of (or lack there of) the issue and problems given his prior role with the Texas Rangers.

Q When will President Bush get a look at the Mitchell Report on use of steroids in baseball? And what kind of burdens and responsibility does the President think is on the owners of baseball to do something about the problem?

MS. PERINO: Well, the President looks forward to seeing the report by Senator Mitchell. He has not seen it yet, and the President hopes that this report marks the beginning of the end of steroid abuse. I would remind you that in 2004, the President used time in his State of the Union address to highlight the problem that he saw with steroid abuse, especially because of the message that it sends to children who look up to professional athletes. The President called on team owners and union representatives, coaches and players, to take the rid -- take the initiative to get rid of steroids in baseball. We'll look at the recommendations; there might be recommendations within the report that we haven't seen yet that speak specifically to owners, and so we'll take a look at that.

Q The President has noted that the Players' Association was not particularly cooperative. Does he call on everyone now within that community to be a little more cooperative on the issue?

MS. PERINO: Well, I -- the President would seek cooperation from everyone because it's in the best interests of baseball, the best interests of our children, and ultimately for all professional sports for there to be clear transparency on this matter.

Q Is there a federal government role in this?

MS. PERINO: Not that I'm aware of.

Q Follow on that?

MS. PERINO: Let me tell you, the one part of the federal government role is something that the President did, which is that he decided in 2004 to shine a light on this issue because he saw it as something that was important enough to raise in the State in the Union, and all of you know, cover the White House, that issues that are brought up in the State of the Union carry great weight with the President.

Q May I follow?

MS. PERINO: Wendell.

Q Jose Canseco, who played for the President's team from '92 to '94, has said he cannot comprehend why Mr. Bush didn't know that steroid use was going on, on the team. Does the President regret that? Has the President thought about how it was he missed that?

MS. PERINO: Well, the President said -- I would point you to the ESPN interview from earlier this year in which he said that he did not recall steroids being used or discussed in that period in 1993 or before. But now that we have this report, which is something the President encouraged, we can shine a light on this problem and hopefully bring help to those who need it, and make sure that kids know that the strength of their character is what counts, not performance on the playground.

Q Does he regret, though, the fact that he didn't know? Does he understand why he didn't know? Did he feel he wasn't paying enough attention, or was it hidden from him?

MS. PERINO: The President said he thought long and hard about it, he just does not recall ever hearing it or seeing it. And I don't think it's time for regret; I think it's time to do what the President has done, which is take time in a State of the Union address to shine light on the issue. And now we have a result of a report that is getting a lot of attention and deservedly so.

Roger.

Q Can I just follow on that? Will we hear from the President, specifically, after the report is out?

MS. PERINO: Today? I doubt it.

Q Today or the next day or two?

MS. PERINO: I won't rule anything out, but I don't think you'll hear from him today. But I'm here on his behalf.

Q And do you know, generally, does he feel that Major League Baseball has essentially looked the other way on this problem?

MS. PERINO: Well, I think that this report is an acknowledgment that they have a problem and that they're trying to resolve it.

Q Does the President feel that since baseball has looked into this it needs to expand to other sports?

MS. PERINO: That is one thing I haven't talked to the President about. But I think that steroid abuse in any professional sport would be something that the President doesn't think is necessary, thinks everyone should be able to compete on their own mettle -- and especially for children, who look up to professional athletes across the board. Steroid abuse is just -- it's not a good idea for anybody, for their own health and for the message it sends to children.

The chief, while noshing on a bowl of Cheerios this morning and perusing the Boston Globe, noticed that our home-away-from-home, Epic Carnival, got a nice little write up in the Arts & Entertainment section:

Brady makes a name for himself in silly awards

But never mind the Golden Globes. The smart-alecks at Epiccarnival.com announced the 2007 Carny Awards yesterday. Of local interest is the award for Female Sports Celeb You'd Drain Your Bank Account to Sleep With. The winner was Jessica Alba, but Tom Brady's ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan finished fourth in the voting, just ahead of the QB's current girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen. In a walk, Arlington's own Dane Cook won the Celebrity Sports Fan You'd Like to Slap Award, while Bill Belichick and Curt Schilling were runners-up to Barry Bonds for Sports Figure You'd Like to Slap. . . . If the breakup of Moynahan and Brady were a boxing match, the editors at People would give the win to the actress. The cover story in the new issue revisits some very public splits - including Reese Witherspoon vs. Ryan Phillippe (as the mag bills it) and Uma Thurman vs. Ethan Hawke. People details the Moynahan/Brady break, her finding out she's pregnant with the Pats QB's child, and No. 12 taking up with Bundchen. The magazine polled readers on whether Moynahan or Bundchen was better for the three-time Super Bowl champ, and Moynahan trounced the Brazilian beauty by more than a 3-to-1 ratio.

Click here to see the Carnies:

This is the actual front page of the Trentonian (NJ) today. Untouched, and unphotoshoped...

(Not that there's anything wrong with that)


Yep, that's our local rag. So proud.

---

UPDATE! HHR Scoops SI? (12/20/07): Sign of the Apocalypse.

Let's just skip all the pleasantries and get right down to business. I am feeling a little under the weather. Yesterday was a long, exhausting day and I got no sleep last night. My head is pounding.

The entire world has given their opinion on what went down yesterday afternoon and now it’s time for Suze to weigh in on the subject. For better or worse, yesterday will rank up there with Lou Gehrig’s farewell speech, Babe Ruth retiring, Thurman Munson day, and Citibank Hat day as a pivotal turning point for this franchise.

The Yankees finalized the A-Rod deal, and I couldn’t be happier.

What a great day to be a Yankee fan! Alex Rodriguez is going to be in pinstripes for the rest of his career. He will break Barry Bond’s homerun record as a Yankee. He will go into the Hall of Fame as a Yankee. He will be mentioned in the same breath as other Yankee Hall of Famers like Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte. Years from now he will be the main attraction when Old Timer's Day comes around and he is surrounded by other integral pieces of the Yankee dynasty. Guys like Mike Stanton, Chuck Knoblauch, and Dave Justice, who played important roles in several Yankee championships. I’ve reserved my Old Timer's day tickets for then next decade.

It was truly a historic day.

I was ecstatic, but for some reason, everyone from the organization seemed a bit nervous yesterday. Mr. Brian was preparing for the Mitchell Report at 2pm. I am not one for MSNBC news shows (although that Anderson Cooper could spin me in a 360 any day), or news in general, so I went out with a couple of girls from administration and we partied for the rest of the afternoon. Let’s just say those Peppermint Twists go down a little too smooth. Just like Ole’ Suze. (I AM SO DEVILISH!)

Until next time,

Suze

You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fingers, and say "that's the bad guy." So, what'll that make you? Good? You're not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don't have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth... even when I lie. So say goodnight to the bad guy. Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you.

Here's a look at names that were on the alleged "leaked" list (left column), as well as names actually mentioned in the Mitchell Report (right colomn), as published on Awful Announcing via Fred M. Common names highlighted. Interesting omissions.

(Note: Updated 12/14/07)

Click to view...

Growing up in Central NJ, you were either a Phillies fan or a Yankees fan. Given the Italian population in the neighborhood, most of my childhood pals were Yankees fans. My father, however, cursed me by raising me a Philadelphia sports fan.

My next-door neighbor, a Polish kid, went a different route. Seeing the Braves everyday on the SuperStation, he was a Braves fan. Thanks, Ted Turner.

We played whiffle ball in his yard. A strike zone was painted on the brick garage that ran behind the yard. First base was a tree. Second was a rock. Third was a fence post. "Power Alley" was down the left field line. Literally, an alley. I had an advantage with power alley in that I was a righty, he a lefty.

Homerun derby everyday was the same. I was Michael Jack Schmidt, he was Dale Murphy. Occasionally, some other kid would wander over and he'd be Don Mattingly. Looking back, it was funny how we'd don our respective teams hats when we pitched, and their helmets and batting gloves when we hit. Little would I know how funny it was until cleaning out the garage I found the helmet and started doing it, this time as a gag, during slow pitch softball games. Pitchers couldn't keep a straight-face when I stepped into the box with an old maroon Phillies helmet.

To me, growing up, the three premier players in baseball were Murphy, Mattingly and Schmidt.

Sadly today, two of those three are not in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

While Mattingly and Murphy's careers were cut short by injuries, throughout the 80's they were superstars on teams filled with mediocrity.

Between them they have 13 All-Star appearances, 3 MVPs, 14 Gold Gloves and 7 Silver Sluggers. Each in his career was awarded the Lou Gehrig Award, given to players who "best exemplify his character and integrity both on and off the field." Murph even won the Clemente Award for his "character and charitable contributions to his community." Neither, has a plaque in Cooperstown.

While their numbers may not meet Hall of Fame "standards," their contributions to baseball and a generation of kids looking for heroes are second to none. They were All-Stars on and off the field. Their injuries, likely strain from single-handedly carrying their squads for years, killed their chances.

In a few minutes, George Mitchell will put a permanent stain on our national past time. When baseball writers come to their senses in the aftermath and start re-evaluating their basis on which they enshrine our earthly legends, maybe they will realize the value these players brought to the game.

Subsequently, Murphy launched the iWontCheat foundation to help the world of sports overcome the illegal performance enhancing drug problem.

Good luck, Murph.

WNBC: Mitchell's Steroid List Leaked, Disputed By MLB Official

NEW YORK -- WNBC.com's Jonathan Dienst has obtained names expected to be on George Mitchell's list of baseball players linked to performance-enhancing drugs in major league baseball. Baseball officials are refuting several names on the list.

A high-ranking MLB official said there are several errors in the list provided to WNBC.com by two sources. Our two sources are standing by the preliminary list provided to WNBC.com. Therefore, we are working to clarify the list at this time.

chief got this list from a "source of questionable reliability."

We are trying our best to get a sense of the validity of the list.

In the mean time, take this with a grain of salt.

Either way, we shall know in a little over 2 hours. If this is accurate, just remember, you saw it here first.

We apologize to any player mentioned, not eventually listed. HHR in no way means to defame or besmirch them, we are simply passing along something that was brought to our attention, noting that we, too, are questioning its authenticity and working to validate.

Note: Scrap at the Epic Carnival pointed out that Deadspin also posted the list. We shall wait and see.

--

Manny Alexander
Brady Anderson
Rick Ankiel
Jeff Bagwell
David Bell
Albert Belle
Rafael Bettancourt
Dante Bichette
Barry Bonds
Aaron Boone
Bret Boone
Milton Bradley
Paul Byrd
Mike Cameron
Ken Caminiti
Jose Canseco
Ozzie Canseco
Ramon Castro
Roger Clemens
Wil Cordero
Paxton Crawford
Johnny Damon
Wilson Delgado
Lenny Dykstra
Carl Everett
Kyle Farnsoworth
Ryan Franklin
Eric Gagne
Rich Garces
Nomar Garciaparra
Jason Giambi
Jeremy Giambi
Jay Gibbons
Troy Glaus
Juan Gonzalez
Jason Grimsley
Jose Guillen
Jerry Hairston
Clay Hensley
Felix Heredia,
Darren Holmes
Wally Joyner
Darryl Kile
Matt Lawton
Robert Machado
Mark McGwire
Raul Mondesi
Damian Moss
Guillermo Mota
Trot Nixon
Abraham Nunez
Jose Offerman
Rafael Palmiero
Neifi Perez
Andy Pettitte
Mark Prior
Albert Pujols
Juan Rincon
Brian Roberts
John Rocker
Pudge Rodriguez
Alex Sanchez
Scott Schoenweiis
David Segui
Gary Sheffield
Sammy Sosa
Fernando Tatis
Julian Tavarez
Miguel Tejada
Ismael Valdez
Jason Varitek
Maurice Vaughn
Matt Williams
Kerry Wood

OR "How Patriots Fans are the New Yankee Fans"

Last Thursday, reader Assassin Avenue (a Pittsburgh native and Steelers die-hard) promised a recap of his visit to Foxboro with Patriot loyalist, the cheif. Here is his story...



"Nice scarf ya loser. Nice Blue scarf. Oh, how I'd hate to be a Steeler fan in a blue scarf guy. Oh my God I would hate that."

He wore a pink polo hat, a black and gold jacket and was obsessed with my scarf. He'd made fun of it for 60 minutes straight. And he saw no irony in the fact that he was wearing Steeler colors.

His buddy's obsession was my Terrible Towel and how to steal it, the best to "wipe his ass with." They missed the best play of the game – the Flea Flicker – on their beer run, guy.

The older men behind us were more sedate in their mocking, but no less annoying and repetitive. Going on and on about a silly guarantee goaded out of a back-up player. "You wave that towel while you can, guy." "You come back in January, you really think things will be different? I can personally [places his hand on his heart] guarantee they will not be." Oh, so witty. But I learned that's about the best you can expect in Foxboro.

Indeed, it's has been confirmed. Patriots fans are the new Yankees fans. Cocky, annoying, and more interested in discussing their team's glory than actually paying attention to the game itself.

To be fair, there were exceptions to the rule. Of course the Chief is notably in that number. And he should be publicly commended for telling the investment banker douche bags to get over themselves. There was also the kind couple behind us, interested in the city of Pittsburgh. And the dood to my right who mocked me when appropriate but also shared updates, perspectives, and asked questions. He got the pageantry of the event correct. We're all Americans here people, just trying to have a good time.

The Chief was invited to a wonderful tailgate. The only rule: you must always be eating. The highlight was the deep fried Oreos and the amount of Steeler fans in the lot. And the glory of shoving toe warmers in your shoes.

The Chief and I both noted how much more...pedestrian...it all looks in person. The lighthouse is smaller, the bridge not as large and the action on the field is just a bunch of guys playing football.

However, it must be stated that any fan of the game needs to see it in person from time to time. Television creates false drama. You can't see where the ball is headed. In person you can watch the plays develop and also become extremely frustrated in ways TV does not allow.

For example, why on Earth did the Steelers corners never jam and play so far back? And why didn't they do any over load blitzing. Everyone knows the Stillers zone blitz, switch it up!

And, the most awful example of it all. Sitting in the endzone we all knew Randy Moss's first TD bomb was a lock from the start of the play. It was just plain perfect. And very depressing.

In the end, a good time was had by all. Douche bags got to harass a Steeler fan, the Chief got to yell "First Down" when prompted by the announcer and high-five strangers.

As for me, my silent victory game on the ride home. Listening to Pats Radio post-game talk, many complaints came in about the about of Steeler fans in the crowd (reason: we're loyal and long-time fans, not Johnny-come-latelys). The radio guys continually defended the rights of us Steeler fans to wave our towels, much to the annoyance of their listening audience. Soon we found out why, an irate caller railed on the radio hosts for being from "Pennsylvania" and it turns out that both the announcers were from Pittsburgh and admitted their hearts were with the Steelers. That's right Boston, your favorite Pats guys are Steeler fans.

And, btw caller – there is more than one major city in Pennsylvania. I know you New England folks can't imagine more than one big city in a five state region, but it's true.

All thanks to the Chief.

-posted by Assassin Avenue

As if the Falcons haven't had a bad enough week, the AP is reporting:

Thomas to Be Falcons Interim Coach

"It's Win or Die."

Walmarts: Ripping off stupid kids and stupider parents at 7 bucks a pop.


At least their arms will be ready. Ready for what? We're not sure.

Basement of home. Somewhere in the United States. October. 1988

Stoner 1: Dude, I can't feel my face.
Stoner 2: You don't want to. I can see it from here. It's ugly.
Stoner 1: Piss off. At least I got road head from Jenny Conlin she wouldn't even go to the Fine Young Cannibals concert with you.
Stoner 2: Eat it with a spoon. Dude, I am baked. What's on TV?
Stoner 1: Doesn't the World Series start today?
Stoner 2: Yeah, flip it on.
Stoner 1: What channel?
Stoner 2: This is 1988. We get like ten. Keep flipping till you find it.
Stoner 1: Got it.



Stoner 1: Is that Nancy Ray-Gun? What the hell does she know about baseball. Like she is going to get me to stay off drugs.
Stoner 2: Dude, what is that guy looking at?
Stoner 1: Yeah man, stop looking in the camera.
Stoner 2: He is bugging me the fuck out man.
Stoner 1: Relax, its your head playing tricks.
Stoner 2: He is looking RIGHT AT ME. WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM DUDE!!!
Stoner 1: Chill dude, he is in the television.
Stoner 2: HE ISN'T FUCKING BLINKING MAN. WHAT THE FUCK GIVES!!
Stoner 1: Dude, you have to relax, my mom is upstairs she is going to come down here and bust us...
Stoner 2: OH MY GOD NANCY IS GOING TO HIT THAT DUDE IN THE FACE. BACK UP CATCHER DUDE!!!
Stoner 1: Holy shit she is. DUDE PUT YOUR MASK ON!!!!
Stoner 2: Oh god I can't watch.
Stoner 1: OH CRAP SHE THREW LIKE 8 BALLS RIGHT AT HIS FACE.
Stoner 2: Seriously, change the channel, I am going to crap myself.
Stoner 1: I am never doing drugs again.

True story, ask my dad. We talk about it all the time.

Click the logo below for this week's 4th Estate Graffiti featuring Boy scouts, RUN-DMC, Warren Buffett and P.K.'s tingling...and it's not in Favre's elbow.

With Major League Baseball on edge about the impending Mitchell Report, several former players worry about just how deep the investigation has gone. An HHR Washington source reported being contacted by representatives from the following players' agents and reps wondering whether or not they should lawyer up:

• Mel Ott
• Harmon Killabrew
• Henry Rowengartner
• Clu Haywood
• Brian Downing
• Pedro Cerano
• Boog Powell
• Rick Shue
  
• Kelly Leak
• The Mighty Casey at Bat
• Jose Oquendo
• Chico Escuela
• The Rocket Chet Steadman
• Squints Palledorous
• Rob Deer
• The entire Gashouse Gorillas Baseball Club
• Bobby Meacham
• Corey Snyder

(I first need to come clean and mention that I did not actually watch this last night... I feel asleep at like 9. Yes, pathetic, I know.)

For the first time in Loser history, 1 team will face off against each other in the finale.

Jillian Michaels successfully took the "leftovers" from the first episode and made them into lean, mean, fighting machines, and 4 of her original 6 team members will face the scale on last time next Tuesday night.

I learned about Neil's elimination this morning, when Ren told me that he happened to catch the end of the show montage with "That dude who cheated." I have to say... I was shocked. I really thought Neil had what it took to win it all. Lord knows he had the weight to lose. It'll be interesting to see how much he lost total when they show him again next week.

I have to say, Jillian was always my favorite trainer. That bi*ch is crazy as hell, but she instilled in her team what was needed to fight to the bitter end. Ren even mentioned last night that she was yelling and screaming to her players that they were the ones no one wanted, and yet the four of them were still there, 3 months later.

A good season, for sure. I think Jim will emerge victorious. No way the girls can beat him.

And just so you all know, 0nce BL is done, my next focus will be the revived American Gladiators beginning Jan. 6, 2008 on NBC.

Wouldn't it be great if these guys were the gladiators??

Yesterday, we pointed out the great find by The Sports Hernia, adding Jerome Bettis to our Separated at Birth collection, and asked readers for their own submissions.

Yardbarker CoreyO noted that another retired athlete bears an uncanny resemblance to another man on the FBI's global wanted list.

In the week we marked the 66th Anniversary of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, it seems fitting that HuggingHaroldReynolds announces its 2007 Sportsman of the Year, Joseph Christian "Jaws" Chestnut, who in July consumed 66 HDBs (hot dogs and buns) in 12 minutes, setting a new world record at the 92nd Annual Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, beating six-time defending champion Takeru "Tsunami" Kobayashi.

The victory in Coney Island was not just a victory for the well-decorated Chestnut, but also a victory for the America, bringing the coveted yellow mustard belt back Stateside where it rightfully belongs.

"This title's been held by Kobayashi for six years, so it's about time it came home," said Chestnut, holding an American flag in his arms.

Chestnut, the world record holder for consuming sandwiches, waffles, grilled cheese sandwiches, pork ribs, horseshoe sandwiches, gyoza, pulled pork, chicken wings, asparagus, chili, hot dogs and Krystal hamburgers, can add one more accolade to his growing legend, as recipient of the Inaugural HHR Sportsman of the Year.

You remember when I said I wanted to be your coach? I lied.

As improbable as I thought it could be, Bobby Petrino announced was leaving the Atlanta Falcons, languishing at 3-10, for the vacant head coaching position at Arkansas.

In a season filled with disastrous events, I bet this is the last thing Falcons owner Arthur Blank expected to happen this year.

But in some sick way, Louisville fans probably could have told Blank "let the buyer beware" because, simply put, Petrino is a serial liar. He is a good coach, but he is even better at avoiding the truth.

At Louisville, Petrino built the Cards into a fabulous football team, going 41-9 during his four years at the helm. But in just his second year on the job, he secretly met with a group of Auburn boosters looking to replace coach Tommy Tuberville. When confronted about the meeting by UofL athletic director Tom Jurich, Petrino lied about it and said it didn't happen. Only after Jurich was able to confirm it through other sources was Petrino caught with his pants down.

Petrino was forced to make an embarrasing public apology and vowed at that time he was committed to Louisville. There were rumblings at the time that Jurich was ready to fire him, but he let Petrino stay on. The Cards kept winning.

Then about a year later, after the Auburn fiasco has seemingly blown over, Petrino's name started swirling as a possible replacement for Nick Saban at LSU. So what did Petrino do? He met with LSU representatives in Nashville - as the Cards were on their way to Memphis to play Boise State in the Liberty Bowl. Again, Petrino apparently only acknowledged the meeting to Jurich and his staff after it had been leaked to the press.

Determined to keep Petrino at Louisville, Jurich somehow finagled a 10 year contract for Petrino, paying him more than $1 million a year - an unheard of salary for a football coach in a state dominated by basketball. Petrino held another press conference at which he expressed his love for UofL and flatly stated that he didn't want to coach or live anywhere else but Louisville.

Not a year later, Petrino was huddling with the Atlanta Falcons in Miami as UofL was preparing to play Wake Forest in the Orange Bowl.

After ESPN broke the news that Petrino was bolting for the Falcons, the head UofL's public relations department confronted Petrino about the report. Petrino denied it in its entirety, saying there wasn't an ounce of truth to the report. An hour later, he finally told the truth to his team that he was leaving, and he was off to Atlanta to be introduced as their new head coach.

I know Arkansas fans have to be thrilled to have a new coach, and I know Petrino has to be relieved bailing out of a losing situation in Atlanta. But sure as I write this, Petrino is already on the lookout for the next big opportunity for himself - and damn whoever else might be lost in the wake.

Arkansas has a great program and great tradition, but Petrino will cast that all aside if the right buyer comes along. Watch and see.

Harrington does it again!

No, not win on the football field. Ruining a coach.

Harrington has run out Morningweg, Mariucci, Saban and Petrino all in six years. He is the grim reaper for coaches. Anyone he touches loses a career in the NFL.

This needs to be some kind of record. Do the guys at Stats, Inc. have a number on this?

I have always been a Joey fan and have wanted him to succeed. I thought if he was put in the right system, he could be a solid QB. Unfortunately for Joey, I think the right system is in his backyard playing with the neighbor kids.

However, I encourage Joey to keep up the good work, but don't do a reunion tour in Detroit.

2007 New England Patriots Team Photo

On this evening's Sports Center, they did a piece previewing the Jets/Pats game this week. It featured several Boston Globe writers saying things like "you don't cross Bill Belichick" and because Eric Mangini dropped the dime on the Pats' coach, New England would be out to "embarrass" the Jets, put up 70 points on them and settle for nothing less than Mangenious' "head on platter."

The season that the Patriots are putting on this year is amazing. I am not a fan, but sit in awe when I see them play. They are professional, efficient and ruthless. Do they have something to prove?

Yes.

They do.

While the Boston Globers were alluding to the forthcoming bloodbath the Pats will inevitably lay on the Jets, the fact that it is heightened due to Belichick's visceral hatred for his former protege is sickening.

What's worse in your mind? Being a cheater or being a snitch?

How quickly we forget that Belichick was fined half a million dollars - the highest possible monetary punishment the league can dole out. The Pats were hit for another 1/4 mil and lost a first round draft pick.

Belichick isn't some victim, some innocent man with a chip on his shoulder looking to right an unjust wrong. He was proven to have cheated and was punished heavily.

We chastise Barry Bonds for cheating, for taking an easy, unethical shortcut to rewrite the record books. Is this any different from doing the same, inevitably winning three Super Bowl championships and being well on the way to winning #4 this year? Far be it from me to defend Bonds, but I can't seem to find a difference between him and Coach B.

Barry would have been well on his way to Cooperstown without his little extra helpers. The Pats this year and in the last 5 could have been great teams without Spy-Gate espionage, but now we'll never know. Just like Barry. Tainted.

Just don't blame Mangini. If you do, I bet you're the kind of person who'd wear a "Free Mike Vick" t-shirt.

SI/AP: Jake Gyllenhaal Joe Namath graduating 42 years after leaving 'Bama

(Brian Bahr/Getty Images)

It's easy to poke fun at Joe Namath for his nationally televised public intoxication, but truth is, the pretty boy was as great a showman as he was a hardnosed fighter.

Previously, I've mentioned the book Namath: A Biography by Mark Kriegel. I noted that:

"I'm not sure if I should credit Namath with changing the sport of professional football in ushering in the glitz and glamour of the game today, not to mention that of the modern superstar, or if I just plain should view him as a selfish dick. I’m torn between disgust and admiration. I think I’m leaning more toward pity. But he was a much tougher sonofabitch than I ever gave him credit for, and I can’t fault his taste in woman and liquor. I think his numbers were borderline terrible at times, but I think his health was more to blame than his ability."

I still believe all that, but I also currently give him credit for continuing to tackle his demons. And returning to school 42 years the fact to finish what he started is commendable.

Since every post this week seems to be about balls, here's a very special Separated at Birth nut shot.


"Nutty Buddy" cup creator and former MLB pitcher Mark Littell and Super Trooper MacIntyre 'Mac' Womack.

Whats even better is that in his demonstration video, Littell even says "Ramrod." Classic.

Check out SportsbyBrooks for more info and the vid.

David Beckham loves balls. Soccer balls. And, his own, apparently. As he lays it all out there for the world to see in the new Emporio Armani underware ad campaign, we ask ourselves, "Damn, did they wax that sh*t off?" No seriously, I ask myself what good ole Giorgio's intention was...

Ladies, if your husbands package doesn't already look like that, buying that underware probably won't make a difference. And Becks, do you really need this income stream or do you just like showing your balls to the world?

As Mario Cantone of O&A and Sex and the City fame says, "GETCHA BALLS OUT!"

Becks is on it, Mario, no worries. And it's not near the Fourth of July!

Such a great find by The Sports Hernia, we had to add it to our Separated at Birth collection.

The Sports Hernia: Jerome Bettis, terrorist?

--

Got a good Separated at Birth? Send it to us.

Just in time for whatever holiday you celebrate...

Customized beer pong balls.

I've narrowed the possible customized saying to...

These balls belong to Fat Willard and so does your ass.
Save the blowing for your boyfriend.
or
Treat these balls like your own. Always rinse off.

A day after Reggie Bush felt the Oklahoma Stampede, Alex Smith gets power slammed by Dr. Death James Andrews:

The 49ers announced the decision late Monday night after Smith's latest consultation with team doctors and Dr. James Andrews over the separated right shoulder that has bedeviled him for more than two months. Smith will be placed on injured reserve this week.

Dane gets jail sentence for attacking referee in Euro 2008 qualifier

"I imagined he was that sissy pants Bill Simmons"
(photo: hbo.com)

As WWE Raw (is War) celebrated its 15th Anniversary Show (sadly I didn't watch), I think it is time to come clean. As you may have noticed, several of our posts are infused with wrestling-oriented references. Fat Willard and I are rehabbed wrestling fans.

Speaking for myself, I first became enthralled with these spandex clad behemoths in the second grade, when a fella we called "Parrot" due to his beak-like nose used to bring olf WWF magazines into the school yard (parking lot) of the Catholic school I attended growing up. This was very much on the DL, as the nuns who ran the joint didn't appreciate the circus-like, glorified violence of professional wrestling. When Parrot let me know that I could catch these shows on Sundays at noon, I'd hurry my mother and sister home from church in hopes of at least catching the last 1/2 hour.


I soon discovered that in addition to the Sunday WWF show, I could catch a more violent and realistic show on TBS in what was then the Jim Crockett-run NWA (soon to become WCW), as well as what was known as World Class Championship Wrestling on ESPN in the afternoon, which was occasionally peppered with an AWA show here and there (always fun because they had the midget wrestlers).

While I remained a fan of the WWF mostly because of its appeal to children, I remember watching an NWA-run Clash of the Champions show in '88 in which a young, charismatic, and damn cool up-and-comer Sting took the Nature Boy Ric Flair to the limit, only to lose in a split decision (there were 3 judges for the match in case it went to a draw, and Jason Hervey - yep, Wayne Arnold - couldn't possibly choose a winner). Wooooooo!



World Class also really caught my attention. For some odd reason I loved "Iceman" King Parsons, and hated Eric Embry and Gen. Skandor Akbar.

(Photo: Sollie.org)

For the next couple of years, I watched and taped as much as I possibly could. Once I hit high school, I simply became more enthralled in sports and started to turn away from wrestling. Its latest incarnation in which the NWA/WCW, in an effort to keep up with the WWF's popularity, just went too far over the top in trying to match the WWF's popularity by coming up with equally ridiculous and over the top gimmicks, which just didn't seem to work for the style the league had branded over the years. For most of my high school career I simply didn't watch. Until one day a football teammate of mine insisted I check out a tape he recorded of a broadcast of an upstart, "hardcore" local outfit out of Philly called ECW.

Just like Parrot flashing those glossy mags in front of my face 10 years earlier, that tape once again had me hooked and looking for more. Turns out ECW would syndicate a show on obscure local channels at obscure times. But if you could actually find a broadcast, you realized these guys are on to something.

Taking local no-bodies and pairing them with discarded has-beens and international high-flying imports, there was something for everyone.

The turning point of the Fed is noted when Shane "The Franchise" Douglas, a one time skateboarding joke of a grappler in WCW, threw down the NWA belt and declared the league dead.

As described in his Wiki profile:

Douglas was instrumental in the development of "extreme" wrestling when he won a tournament to become the NWA World Heavyweight Champion on August 27, 1994. In an angle which only he, Tod Gordon, and Paul Heyman knew about, Douglas threw down the NWA belt stating that he did not want to be champion of a "dead promotion." He then raised the Eastern Championship Wrestling Heavyweight Title and declared it to be a World Heavyweight Championship -- calling it the only real World Title. According to the Forever Hardcore DVD, Douglas only agreed to throw down the NWA belt after NWA president Dennis Coraluzzo buried Douglas on Mike Tenay’s radio show. Shortly afterward, Eastern Championship Wrestling changed its name to Extreme Championship Wrestling. Capitalizing on the controversy that surrounded his literally "throwing down" the NWA belt and the promo following it, Douglas was encouraged to express his true feelings in interviews by the ECW bookers and began calling himself The Franchise. This helped raise ECW prominence in the eyes of wrestling fans and journalists and allowed it to become an alternative to WCW and the WWF.

To this day, my long running fantasy football team is known simply as "The Franchise." With the Franchise's charisma and Paul ("E. Dangerously") Heyman's creative genius, the promotion went on to sign, develop and subsequently lose to the $ of the big two, some of the biggest and most influential names in the "sport."

Promo After Winning the NWA World Title
(via franchisefansite.com)

As I was graduating high school, and ECW was being pilfered of its talents, we entered an era of pro wrestling named the "Monday Night Wars," when WCW's Monday Nitro gave Raw a run for its money, even surpassing them in the ratings war, thanks to a stable of heels (bad guys) lead by a now black-clad and bearded "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan, and former WCW wrestlers once buried by the promotion only to achieve super stardom in the WWF, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash.


ECW, in the meantime, scraped and clawed to do what it could to become a major player. Wiki: In August 1999, ECW began to broadcast nationally on TNN (for what was initially a three year contract). Despite no advertising and a low budget, ECW became TNN's highest rated show.

All the while, a couple of South Jersey college buddies and I would split campus on weekends to head to then-called Viking Hall/ECW Arena in South Philly. We'd get plastered in the parking lot and go berserk in the bingo hall-turned-wrestling "arena." It was gory, violent, sexual while also downright funny at times.


Once through with college, ECW eventually was forced to fold, the WWF(E)/WCW wars began to fizzle, the 3 feds essentially became one when Vince McMahon monopolized the "sport" by buying out the WCW and eventually all ECW residuals.

Today, I couldn't tell you who is the WWE champion. I long for the nostalgia of my childhood and adolescence, which I occasionally satisfied by watching Madison Square Garden Network's WWE Classics, but my overall interest is just about gone.

One recommendation I have is to pick up a couple of DVDs. While I don't have many wrestling DVDs two I do have are Beyond the Mat and The Rise and Fall of ECW, which both play like a wrestling themed Behind the Music.

Drew Sharp wrote an incoherent rambling about the Detroit Lions entitled "Duckett's potential is wasted by Lions, Martz." The column goes into at least eight different topics that are only threaded together by the fact that it is about the Detroit Lions.

As far as I can tell, the article is meant to give props to his boy from Michigan State, Duckett, and complain that the Lions offense is weighted towards passing. Duckett has one good run, so Sharp believes the entire offensive system is wrong. Maybe Sharp should watch a certain pass-friendly team that is 13-0.

Drew Sharp once again shows that he is wasting good space at the Detroit Free Press, while some budding sports writer is working in the mailroom.

An unwritten, self-imposed rule on HHR has been to try to remain as upbeat and uncontroversial as possible. Leave it to long-time friend, reader, and HHR's newest regular contributer, Woddy, to kick off his career with a nice political piece. Shouldn't have expected anything less from a DC insider!

---

Competitive sports have had an element of politics to them. If there is any doubt, just look at the BCS selection of the championship game this year – unabashedly biased, whole-heartedly partisan – for proof that sports and politics intersect. It would be logical…and realistic…to say that politics almost naturally find a home in the arena of sports.

Increasingly as of late, however, the sports persona can be seen on the political field. More and more, it is becoming a two-way street. Curt Schilling’s endorsement and recent stumping for Senator John McCain is just the most brazen example. So, it was understandable that I have found myself drawing comparisons of the BCS fiasco that was the 2007 season to the 2008 Presidential campaigns.

For those sports junkies who haven’t followed the presidential hopefuls yet, let me break it down in a common language we all speak: Senator Hilary Clinton, long believed to be the Ohio State of the election, has been unmasked as the over-hyped pre-season Cornhuskers; Senator Barack Obama, a respectable yet inexperienced sophomoric Florida squad, has turned the Democratic contest into a real horserace; All the while, it would be unwise to count out the still-formidable Trojans, reincarnated as former Senator John Edwards.

I don't understand this.

And don’t even get me started on the Republican nominees!

At this point, there may be some head shaking from the peanut gallery, but hear me out. Looking at this year’s college football season, almost anything that was expected to not happen, did. Right up until the end (I still can’t explain how West Virginia laid down for PITT like a trained lap-dog), there is unanimous agreement that this season was the most unpredictable and unscripted which, in turn, made it the most original and most captivating.

Even the Bowl selections were unbelievable, dripping with outside influence in the form of politics and financial interests (Georgia not in the Title Game?! Or the selection of Illinois vs Pac-10 Champion USC in the Rose Bowl??!!). The reality was that it was an open contest that any number of seven teams (the exact same number of Democrat Presidential hopefuls – eerie coincidence or planned comparison???) could have made a legitimate argument for.

The point is, with less than a month to go before the victor is chosen, Americans are already looking at their choices and are disgruntled (and frankly confused) with how we got to where we are. Politics, professional or sports-induced, have served the past four months a service by stirring up a great deal of interest. Each week, contenders took to the field on any given day in the attempts to slow down or trip-up their opponents. And, each week, someone did indeed stumble, sometimes by their own doing (I still haven’t forgiven Pete Carroll for keeping JD Booty in that Stanford game, but I will soon). Because of this, across the country, a great debate continues to rage.

If conventional wisdom tells us anything, it’s that the 2007 college football season should serve as a good indication as to how the 2008 Presidential cycle will end: with no clear consensus on a winner, uncertainty how this all occurred (again), and most people feeling cheated.

-posted by Woody

(Photo: slam.canoe.ca)

If there is one thing more intimidating in professional sports than Eddie Hochuli, it's hearing your name mentioned in the same sentence as orthopedic surgeon "Dr. Death" James Andrews. Reggie Bush is the latest to fall victim to the Andrews Curse.

Tailback Reggie Bush, who visited with Dr. James Andrews in Birmingham, Ala., on Monday for a second opinion on his damaged left knee, definitely will not play again in 2007, two league sources told ESPN.com.

Source: Don Vito Len Pasquerelli

On Sunday's NFL Countdown, Keyshawn Johnson (I refuse to call him Key) was struggling through another segment and referred to Vinny Testaverde as Teste. I am sure Teste is tickled pink about Keyshawn revealing or introducing the nickname to a worldwide audience.

The now official nut-inspired term of endearment places Teste in the upper echelon of nicknames sitting side by side with the Big Unit Randy Johnson.

Testes. Testes. One. Two. Three?

After a second quarter "booming" punt that went to the Giants' 5-yard line by the Eagles' Saviero Rocca, said WYSP's odd couple...

Merril Reese: What a punt by Sav Rocca!

Mike Quick: Rocca-Bye-Baby!

(Photo: eaglesradionetwork.com)

(Photo: nationalgeographic.com)

What kind of country do we live in if a man can't catch catfish in 39 states using nothing but his bare fist, forearm and testicular fortitude?

For years, the Rev. has been telling us about this redneck phenomenon particularly prominent in Oklahoma known as "Okie Noodling," or as known in Rev.'s Bluegrass State as "dogging." He specifically pointed us to this film.

Finally, the National Geographic Channel has caught on to this amazing sport, featuring it on their broadcast of Hooked: Caught Bare-handed.

The show will be rebroadcast tomorrow and Monday. If you can't catch it or TiVo it, at least check out this article for a better idea about the sport: Using Hands As Bait, "Noodlers" Stalk Giant Catfish.

Once you do, we hope you will join HHR in supporting Noodlers Anonymous President Howard Ramsey in advocating national legalization of handfishing. This is America, isn't it?

Maybe if we are lucky, Rev. can enlighten us a little further.

Agassi's a pimp. He never could've out-played Bjorn. But I didn't know until this day that it was McEnroe all along.

US tennis legend John McEnroe expressed his concern on Friday that organised crime, such as the Russian mafia, could be infiltrating tennis.

The former world number one believes that threats to tennis players or their families could be forcing them into throwing matches.

Source: Breitbart.com via Drudge

First of all, Johnny,there is no such thing as the "Mafia."

Second, how afraid are you really if you have no qualms talking about it?


You don't understand. Johnny McEnroe never gets that match. That match is perfect for him, it'll make him a big star, and I'm gonna run him out of the business - and let me tell you why: Johnny McEnroe ruined one of HHR's most valuable proteges. For three years we had her under contract - serving lessons, backhand lessons, doubles lessons. I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars. I was gonna make her a big star. And let me be even more frank, just to show you that I'm not a hard-hearted man, and that it's not all dollars and cents: She was beautiful; she was innocent. She was the greatest piece of ass I've ever had, and I've had it all over the world. And then Johnny McEnroe comes along with his whiny voice and WASPy charm, and she runs off. She threw it all away just to make me look ridiculous! And a man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous! No you get the hell out of here. And you tell that Bolshevik that if he wants to try any rough stuff that I ain't no band leader. Yeah, I heard that story.

Tomorrow night, fellow Carney The Prophet of ProphetFighting.com will be live-blogging the Floyd Mayweather vs. Ricky Hatton show at Epic Carnival.

You might recall that Mayweather was fighting, as he hyped the show throughout his brief appearance on Dancing with the Stars.


If not the fight, be sure to check it out the post.

---------

(Note: While I can't seem to find an official card, Malignaggi's website states: "Doghouse Boxing has just been informed that Paulie “Magic Man” Malignaggi will be facing Lovemore “Black Panther” N’dou on December 8 in Las Vegas, on the undercard of the spectacular Floyd Mayweather vs. Ricky Hatton show.")

(Update : I contacted Malignaggi's official MySpace page for clarity and was informed that Paulie, in NOT in fact on the card. The website referencing the match is not associated with Paul Malignaggi. You can go to the official myspace for Paulie Malignaggi which is linked above. There will be a official website also coming soon.

Obviously, I am disappointed. But I like the guys so much, I'm going to keep the below blurb. The Magic Man fights January 5th in New Jersey Atlantic City on Showtime. Check that out.)

(Photo: PaulMalignaggi.com)

After catching him one night on USA's Friday Night Fights, I was so impressed with the fighter that I ordered my first non-Tyson PPV boxing event to see him go toe-to-toe with current current WBA Welterweight champion Miguel Cotto last year. Needless to say, it didn't disappoint.

Malignaggi is a first-class showman, whose demeanor and attitude had me thinking he was quite a joke. However, after seeing him a few times, including taking Cotto to the limit, I realized that under the over-the-top attitude is a top-notch fighter.

(Photo: NYTimes)

In what Carton and Boomer on WFAN this morning described as "loyalty in an era with no loyalty," the duo broke news that Greg Schiano turned down an offer from Michigan to become their next head coach.

As a New Jersey native, Rutgers football had been generously described as "laughable" prior to Schiano's efforts to legitimize the "Birthplace of College Football." Hell, yours truly was even invited back in the day to attend one of their RU 100 prospect days. That should say something about their one-time inability to recruit top-tiered prospects.

Schiano's commitment to the school, his players, recruits and the state is admirable. Last year a fire-storm ensued following his contract extension that made him the state's highest paid public employee (Rutgers, for those who don't know, is the State U of NJ) after his refusal to take the Miami Hurricanes job. This has since been quelled by the success of the program, subsequent risen national exposure for the university and his inevitable success in recruiting, particularly in-state tallent that historically fled the Garden State for greener pastures of big-time programs.

Has Rutgers yet reached the promised land of being a college football power house? Of course not. But with Schiano's commitment in being what (paraphrasing) Carton and Boomer described as the antithesis of Nick Saban, it likely won't be long before we see New Jersey represented in a BCS Bowl Game.

In a state dominated by pro sports in which teams are either domiciled in a different state or too embarrassed to call themselves NJ (that's you GMen and Jets), Rutgers has given NJ and the NY-metro reason a reason to cheer on Saturdays.

Coach, in the words of the great Iron Mike Tyson, "I take my hand off to you," and thank you for your loyalty and commitment.

My hand tremors have finally stopped from the excitement of the blockbuster trade between the Tigers and Marlins. Granted, it was aided by a sharp stink-eye glance from Lady Dunbar while I was checking Blackberry and text messages during parenting class. Nonetheless, now that the trade is official, the term that is being thrown out describing the Tigers is "superpower" as seen here.

I have no qualms with the moniker. I find it fitting considering they are battling the commi-Red Sox and Uncle Sam Yankmees. But the question is what superpowers do the Tigers possess? As a fan of both the Tigers (through thick and thin) and superheros, allow me to make a few comparisons.

There is no question that the Tigers will feature a lineup that is stacked with power. A natural fit to represent the team would be Rogue from X-Men who is both stacked and powerful.

The Tigs have also been plucked from previous Marlins' teams, which gives you the sense that Dombrowski has worked with Hiro Kasamoto of Heroes to time travel and teleport.

The Tigers also can kill you with good old pitching with Bondo, Verlander and Willis and their devilish bats. This double threat is reminiscent of Two-Face's double personality.

As fans, we also need to give props to Mr. Ilitch who pulled a Nightcrawler by popping out of the shadows and saying he is going to spend some Bruce Wayne cash on Cabrera and Willis.

Jim Leyland with his charred vocal cords and old style wisdom might as well dress up as Splinter from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles next Halloween.

Hopefully, the Human Torch Zumaya will pitch again, but I wouldn't hold your breath Aquaman.

Finally, as a whole, I think the Tigers with their power, agility, age and wisdom incorporate all the attributes of the properly named Beast. The Tigers will truly be a beast this year.

Beware of Beast baseball fans.

Earlier this week, The 700 Level pointed out that Flyer Riley Cote was put on notice.

Stephen Colbert's big board just got a little more crowded...

Sporting News: Dallas Cowboys cornerback Terence Newman has been put on notice by the NFL after indicating his desire for revenge on Detroit quarterback Jon Kitna.

You say Terrance, I say Terence. Let's call the whole thing off.

With the always much-anticipated Heisman trophy presentation upon us this weekend, HHR turns to our own resident Mel Kiper (and old school Eye-talian), Fat Willard's father Fat Tony, who every year at Heisman-time finds a way to disagree with the voters. Below are Fat Tony's commentaries since 1990, putting down the bad selections.


1990 Ty Detmer, BYU, Quarterback

“Doesn’t he have to go on a mission to Kenya or something?”


1991 Desmond Howard, Michigan, Wide Receiver

“This guy is a glorified Mel Gray and they are giving him the Heisman? Vaughn Dunbar [No relation to CR] was robbed. Good Luck.”


1992 Gino Torretta, Miami, Quarterback

“Geno Torretta will never be a successful NFL QB. He is wearing white socks with a suit.”


1993 Charlie Ward, Florida State, Quarterback

“What is he 5’6”? He’s got a better shot being an NBA point guard.”


1994 Rashaan Salaam, Colorado, Running Back

“You're supposed to get straight A's in college, not your name you know.”


1995 Eddie George, Ohio State, Running Back

"Two first names? What's he gonna be called, Eddie? George? More like nobody."


1996 Danny Wuerffel, Florida, Quarterback

“He’s a system guy. Unless Spurrier one day decides to coach in the NFL and brings him with him, he’s out of the league in 5 years tops and that’s only because teams need practice squad players.”

"One day, son, we'll fun-and-gun our way to the Nation's Capitol."

1997 Charles Woodson, Michigan, Cornerback

“This guy’s a glorified Desmond Howard and they are giving him the Heisman? Archie’s kid got robbed. Good Luck.”


1998 Ricky Williams, Texas, Running Back

“This kid’s got his head on straight.”


1999 Ron Dayne, Wisconsin, Running Back

“Whatsamatter? Too good for Rutgers?”


2000 Chris Weinke, Florida State, Quarterback

“Weinke? In my day we beat up kids with fruity, sissy names like that.”


2001 Eric Crouch Nebraska Quarterback

“Whatever happened to Timmy Frazier. This one will end up incarcerated too.”


2002 Carson Palmer, USC, Quarterback

“USC is a running back town.”


2003 Jason White, Oklahoma, Quarterback

“Is that the AIDS kid from the 80’s? That’s some story.”


2004 Matt Leinart, USC, Quarterback

“Isn't this the pretty boy that parties with Hilton and those Laguana Island broads?"

Fat Willard: "How do you know that?"

(awkward silence)

"We're through. I only date starters."

2005 Reggie Bush, USC, Running Back

“Smallish.”

"Cardboard Box"

2006 Troy Smith, Ohio State, Quarterback

“I guess they have to give it to someone.”

Long-time reader and Stillers fan, Assassin Avenue, will be traveling up the Eastern Seaboard from the Nation's Capitol to meet up with HHR resident wise-ass/Patriot fanatic, the chief The pair will journey to Gillette Stadium for this weekend's AFC match-up. (the chief vows to have some good material post-game)

From Assassin Avenue:

Resident power ranking mocker, the chief, may seem a bit quieter than normal this week. The reason? The dreaded Steelers are coming to down, bent on destroying the dreams of Mr. Bellicheat* and his henchman.

Look forward on Tuesday to a full report, and answers to these and more burning questions:

* How do the Pats react to the Blitzburgh Package of Destruction?
* At what point does the chief start crying?
* Will we watch the game, or just look for Gisele the whole time?

And even if it all goes horribly wrong, ts least Assassin Avenue will be drunk and ruin the chief's hook up with Mr Kraft's tickets. That much is assured. Here's to the Real City of Champions.

ESPN: Cook, Rockies near agreement on 3-year, $30M deal

"ERHSHADA VEENA MATAA HOLLIDAY IMA RICHA BITCHA!"

ESPN: Bonds' close-knit group remains supportive of indicted slugger

"We are very close."

Exactly which union is MLB contracting?

Sporting News: Union, MLB in talks over discipline of Guillen

Wiki: The Union (aka U.P.Y.O.U.R.S.: Union of People You OUghta Respect, Son ) was a stable made up of wrestlers who came together because they felt they were getting screwed by The Corporation. These wrestlers include former Corporation members Mankind, Ken Shamrock, Big Show and Test. The group formed on May 3, 1999, four days after The Ministry of Darkness and The Corporation merged to create the Corporate Ministry.

Or perhaps Selig would prefer to keep it old school. Either way, Guillen's in for a world of hurt.

This week's TIME OUT. TIME OUT.

Power Rankings are TIME OUT. TIMMMMME OUT.

Screw you Gibbs, here are the rankings. Consider yourself Super-Double-Iced.

Click for the Baldinger-Hand Sized Version.

Nice Dungarees.

I’m not one to point fingers at those who may have outlived their usefulness (Marv Albert? Joe Morgan?? President Bush???), but there has to be a moment in every professional athlete’s career when they realize it’s time to just call it quits. Brett Favre, this is your moment – Embrace It!

This week, Brett was named “2007 Sportsman of the Year” and, what can only be another meaningless honor in a long, magnificent career. At age 38, he led his Packers and their crazy Cheese-head fans to a 10-2 season and continues to draw the big crowds, big endorsements (I’m wearing my Wrangler jeans now), and big dollars. You’re on top of the world Brett…time for you to get off the ride and let someone else take a turn.

I’m not saying Brett should retire from athletics altogether, joining the ranks of the overweight, under-exercised couch-potatoes who have spent years watching his brilliance on the field by only moving their fingers clicking the buttons on the remote control. No one wants a fatty Favre. We have openings in competitive badminton or croquette. But, in terms of a continued professional football career, better to ride out on the glow of excellence rather than a gurney.

Ice skating, anyone?

By throwing yourself, week after week, into the hundreds of pounds of pure muscle coming full-steam at you - that Dallas game hurt to even watch – you’ve got to be thinking, “If I just leave now, I wonder if I can still make the early bird special at Shoney’s.” Why are you still competing season after season? While there is something to be said on any given Sunday, there is also something to be said for having full use of your faculties. Just ask Christopher Reeves (R.I.P.).

So, Brett, do us all a favor after this playoff season – stay in retirement. While you may avenge the Packers over the Cowboys just to lose to the Patriots where it counts in the coming games, you’ll only be making us cringe another season if we have to watch your AARP-eligible greatness get smacked down week after week. I, for one, prefer to reserve my limited cringes to seeing Britney Spears enter and exit automobiles au natureal.

-posted by Woody

Philippe Wojazer/Reuters

Ever thought of cloning an army of David Beckham's for when soccer finally makes it huge in the States? Here's your chance to get some DBeck DNA on the cheap:

Fans sell Beckham leftovers through Internet auction

Among the items put up for sale on New Zealand website Trade Me are a half eaten corn cob, a nearly empty bottle of Coca-Cola and a single French fry, which the seller said Beckham had dropped while eating on a Wellington street.

The chewed corn cob and soft drink came from a chicken restaurant where Beckham ate on Thursday night. The seller was also auctioning the plate and knife and fork she claimed he had used at the restaurant.

You're sitting on a gold mine, Trebec!

No, this is not another post about Thanksgiving. But last night's Biggest Loser was allllll filler.

With only 6 contestants left, and writers still striking, NBC has no choice but to continue to air BL for 2 hours, a timeframe much too long for a show that can be completed in about 45 minutes.

The show started out with B's goodbye message to Kim, as well as a sappy montage of Red Team "through-the-years" type footage. Boo-frickity-whoo, sorry Kim, your team were a bunch of losers.

Next the remaining 6 are challenged with a day in the "real-world" where they had to rise at 6am, train in the morning, then complete a full day of work at a pizza restaurant, come home and train some more. If they were in the real-world, I doubt they'd be working out two times a day and still have time to do all the other things a real person in the world is tasked with.

(every commerical break from this point forward is featuring Clash of the Choirs... it's looks stupider every time I see it, yet it makes me want to watch it even more.)

Next up, the challenge. The losers have to bounce on a trampoline and punch a speed bag that is suspended at least 4 ft above their heads. Each round is 3 minutes, and the person with the lowest number of punches for each round is eliminated. With a 1 pound pass at stake, Nicole, Neil, and Bill are eliminated from the challenge, with the 3 black team girls left to battle for the prize. Hollie pulls ahead, and wins the challenge.

Weigh-in time.... Julie and Nicole fall below the yellow line, which means that Nicole is going home. She is the bigger threat AND it's 3-1 black vs blue members voting, and the 4 remaining black members are tight and loyal to one another.

Takes 30 min and more filler to find out that Nicole is indeed going home.

Next week, there will definitely be two black members up for elimination because Neil should pull a big enough number to stay safe. He's pulled himself out of his plateau, and should be able to hang on and make it to the finals. The only thing that could change this is if NBC decides that whoever has the lowest % next week is automatically eliminated... can't remember if they did that last year or not.

After bloggers everywhere jumped on the New York Daily News gossip columnist "reporting" yesterday that Mets pitcher John Maine "...followed an attractive young woman into the ladies' bathroom" asking her if he could try on her "little black dress," the columnist offered this clarity on the story this morning (pointed out by The Big Lead):

The Mets say pitcher John Maine is the victim of an impostor who has been asking women for their outfits. Thursday, a woman named Abby Cohen called the club Touch to get "John Maine" a table at their opening night. When the man arrived, he identified himself as the Mets pitcher and asked several young ladies if he could try on their dresses (even offering a reporter $200 for hers). Despite being "recognized" as Maine by doormen and publicists for Touch, the Mets insist that he has not been in New York since October and was in Virginia on the night of incident.

Hey look. It happens. He cleared it up. Such is the danger you run into running an admitted gossip (not news) column. The ethics behind gossipers is a whole 'nother story, that we don't need to get into.

The real question though is in light of another online firestorm...

Where is Stephen A. Smith who, as pointed out by Deadspin and many others:

"And when you look at the internet business, what's dangerous about it is that people who are clearly unqualified get to disseminate their piece to the masses. I respect the journalism industry, and the fact of the matter is...someone with no training should not be allowed to have any kind of format whatsoever to disseminate to the masses to the level which they can. They are not trained. Not experts."

Keep it real, Stephen A. Speculation fuels many avenues of the "media." Let's not forget you work for the same company that has Mort saying Eli is done for year and Herbstreit reporting Les Miles is leaving LSU.

Lawrence Taylor was just on the morning show with Angelo Cataldi on 610 WIP (Philadelphia) to promote the Miller Lite VIP Football Experience to benefit the V Foundation. The contest, an auction on EBay features the opportunity to bid on having former NFL stars come to your house and watch NFL rivalry games with a former star from each squad.

Taylor is teaming up with Keith Byars for the December 9 Eagles/Giants game.

According to the bid page, the high bidder (currently at $9800) win the following:

• Lawrence Taylor and Keith Byars will show up at your home to watch the game, talk football and make your gameday better!
• Complimentary food and beverages for you and your friends!
• A super trip for you and a buddy to Las Vegas to attend the Miller Lite Super Party!

Click here to bid on LT & Byars.

Among the other topics discussed:

Prior to LT coming on the air, the crew was trying to find out how many times LT had sacked Ron Jaworski. Without hesitation, LT informed them that he sacked Jaws 28 times, and Randall Cunningham 27 times.

He called Philly the toughest city to play in because they 'beat up Santa.'


When asked to describe the feeling of winning the Super Bowl to Philly fans, Taylor noted that the game itself is one thing, but the real excitement is the chase to the big game, through the season and into the playoffs.

Greatest player he faced: While mentioning Wilburt Montgomery and Eric Dickerson, he singaled out Joe Montana 'due to his knowledge and how he could move the ball around field and beat the hell out of you with 5 yard passes and let the players do what they are paid for – run.'

LT is going on 10 years sober. He spent 63 days in rehab last time, and upon leaving, he changed everything - he moved from New Jersey to Florida, started doing movies, met his 2nd wife and picked up golf to quell urges and quench appetite for competition.

A few weeks back I did a Ren's Ten segment title "Cleaning out the Garage." I promised more editions featuring the collectibles I rescued from my parents disposal.

Today, I offer sports cards featuring players who ended up coaches or executives, and opine on whether or not their transition has been successful.

White-Collar Success

Player: Joe Dumars
Position: Pistons’ President of Basketball Operations.
Notes: 2002-03 NBA Executive of the Year; 2004 NBA World Championship
Card: 1994 Skybox "Showdown Series" #SS10

Player: Avery Johnson
Position: Mavs’ Head Coach
Notes: Fastest Coach to both 100 and 150 wins; 2006 NBA Coach of the Year; 2006-07 NBA Best Record (Playoff Upset by #8 Seed)
Card: 1993-94 Upper Deck #328

Player: Steve Largent
Position: President and CEO of the CTIA -The Wireless Association
Notes: While he failed in his bid at executive office, Governor of Oklahoma in 2002, it is hard to say that a former Hall of Fame athlete who went on to serve as a four-term Congressman and currently as president and CEO of a trade association could be billed as anything less than an successful executive.
Card: 1990 Score (Record Breakers) #592

Middle of the Road / TBD

Player: Mo Cheeks
Position: 76ers Head Coach
Notes: We will give him the benefit of the doubt considering he went from the Jailblazers to managing an ensemble constructed by the as-of-today unemployed Billy King. Not the two most envious NBA jobs in the world.
Card: 1992 NBA Hoops #2

Player: Joel Skinner
Position: Cleveland Indians' 3rd Base Coach
Notes: While it is easy to signal out Skinner as a failure due to his most recent gaffe in Game 7 of the 2007 American League Champion Series, Skinner looks to have a history as a minor league coaching stud:

• 1995: New York-Penn League Manager of the Year
• 1997: Carolina League Manager of the Year
  
• 1998 : USA Today Baseball Weekly's Minor League Manager of the Year
  
• 2000: Baseball America and The Sporting News Minor League Manager of the Year; International League Manager of the Year honors

Let's do something in the Bigs can we?
Card: 1989 Fleer #270

Player: Ozzie Guillen
Position: Chicago White Sox Manager
Notes: As known for his mouth and erratic behavior as for his leadership qualities, Ozzie did lead his team to the 2005 World Series title. That is however, his squad's only playoff appearance with him at the helm.
Card: 1988 Donruss #137

Player: Glenn "Doc" Rivers

Position: Boston Celtics' Head Coach
Notes: The 2000 NBA Coach of the Year with the Orlando Magic, Doc never really had the pieces or chemistry or continuity to make a strong run deep into the playoffs. This year, of course, being a notable exception.
Card: 1990 SkyBox #7

Player: John Paxson
Position: Chicago Bulls General Manager
Notes: While I want to throw him in the following batch, Paxson has made as many great moves, particularly in the draft, as he has boneheaded ones, particularly via trade. The teams, while loaded with talent, have yet to crack the upper echelon of the NBA, despite being perennially poised to in recent years, especially in the Leastern Conference.
Card: 1989 NBA Hoops #89.

Laughing Stocks

No, I am not Fred Gwynne

Player: Kevin McHale
Position: Minnesota TWolves' Vice President of Basketball Operations
Notes: We made no bones about it here at HHR. It's been sometime since the NBA interested us. We could rip into McHale, but it would probably end up looking like some rehashed Sports Guy template. But because we recognize what a boob KMac is, BOOYAH! We asked good buddy and our goto guy for NBA insight and humor, Benjamin L. Pray over at Stu Scott's Lazy Eye, to give us his thoughts...

Kevin McHale is a terrible talent evaluator: from 1996-2005, exactly TWO of his picks (out of 15) remain in the NBA: Wally Sczerbiak and Rasho Nesterovic. Of course, that total would be higher if he hadn't brokered a secret deal with Joe Smith and robbed his team of FOUR first round picks. McHale actually drafted both Ray Allen and Brandon Roy, but then traded them both away on draft day for inferior players (Marbury and Foye). McHale is supposedly a vaunted teacher of footwork and post-play, but how many Timberwolves have benefited from his tutelage? Kevin Garnett is essentially a small forward, favoring fade-aways and jumpers over trips to the free-throw line. Can you name a single productive center from McHale's tenure? Who has he helped blossom into a good player, other than KG (note: not Mike Olowokandi or Eddie Griffin)? Free agency has also been a disaster for McHale. Last year's savior Mike James lasted one season. Troy Hudson wasn't quite worth the 37 million Kevin gave him. Sam Cassell and Latrell Spreewell both performed well for a year, but Sam was swapped for the more expensive and less productive Marko Jaric while Spree wasn't resigned.Kevin McHale traded for Mark Blount and Ricky Davis. Kevin McHale allowed his team to begin training camp with 8 small forwards, leaving the point to Sebastian Telfair and Marko Jaric. Kevin McHale's only good decisions have been to cover up for his bad ones: buying out Troy Hudson, re-trading Davis and Blount, trading Trenton Hassell, Buying out Juwan Howard etc. How bad is Kevin McHale? His worst contract has been forced into playing this year, as McHale's roster is so bad, there is simply no one better than Mark Madsen to play minutes at Center. Ouch.

Cool as the other side of the pillow.

Card: 1991 NBA Hoops (All-Star) #255


Player: Isaiah Thomas
Position: New York Knicks Head Coach and President of Basketball Operations
Notes: Of everyone on this list, Zeke has spent the most time in the news as of late and is, by far, the most polarizing and criticized. So, the only tidbit I will rehash here on his post-playing career is this: One of Isaiah's nicknames as a player is listed as the "Baby-Faced Assassin."
Raptors, CBA, Pacers, Knicks, female co-workers, white ticket holders. Still appropriate.
Card: 1992 NBA Hoops (All-Star) #303

---

Interesting list here: Best General Managers In Sports
Obviously, I know nothing.

In my initial Ren's Ten: Summer Reading List, I mentioned 2 high-school-related sports books that I thoroughly enjoyed and encouraged you to pick up: Adrian Wojnarowski's The Miracle of St. Anthony: A Season with Coach Bob Hurley and Basketball's Most Improbable Dynasty; and Michael Lewis' The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game. I mentioned that Miracle "is great because it transcends sports and takes a look at the struggles and hardships of a community where little is offered in terms of advancement outside of athletic success...After reading the book, I found myself pulling for these kids (well some of them), started following what they were doing in College."

Seems that the boys from both books are doing alright for themselves.

The trial and tribulations of the St. Anthony crew, while not producing earth-shatteringly spectacular headlines, nonetheless cements Coach Bob Hurley's place in heaven. From Patriot League standout Derrick Mercer to D-III star Ahmad Mosby at Ramapo to St. Francis (NY) transfer Otis Campbell, while not all necessarily lighting up the scoreboard, at least show Hurley's kids continuing to receive the opportunity to rise from the streets and receive college educations.

After posting, we received the following update from Miracle author and Yahoo! Sports NBA columnist Adrian Wojnarowski:

Among the alumns of the book, you can see Darren Erman, the lawyer turned coach, sitting behind Doc Rivers on the Celtics bench every night on the road. He's kind of a grad assistant workout coach for Celtics. Also, Ahmad Nivins is a serious pro prospect at St. Joseph's in Philly. He had 25 and 10 vs. Penn State other night.

Shifting away and focusing on the latter book, the story of Michael Oher, as portrayed in The Blind Side, was, to say the least, eye-opening. His life, his struggles and his subsequent saving grace in the form of his would-be benefactors and rise from poverty thanks to his adoptive parents Sean and Leigh Anne Touhy who took him from the projects of Memphis, gave him a chance to succeed in life both athletically and academically is nothing short of a miracle itself.

In 2005 Oher earned First Team Freshman All-America honors from Rivals.com and The Sporting News and Third Team distinction from CollegeFootballNews.com. In 2006 after being selected preseason First Team All-SEC by Phipps Football Magazines and Second Team All-SEC by The Sporting News and Lindy’s, he finished earning second team All-SEC honors from the league’s coaches (Source: OleMissSports.com). This year, Oher was honored by Rivals.com on its First Team All-SEC team.

Congrats.

For you readers, pick up both books, well worth the time and money.

(Photos: Derrick Mercer courtesy of American U; Michael Oher via University of Mississippi)

... the fabric of our lives. (Or so the old jingle goes.)

Truman the Tiger Says His Cotton Field is No. 1

Too bad it's also the consolation prize for being ranked #1 in the nation and losing your conference championship game to a very good opponent.

Seriously, how bad do you have to feel if you're a fan of the Mizzou Tigers? Your team rattles off one of the best seasons in your school's history, your QB is up for serious consideration for the Heisman trophy, and your team gets a chance to play on the final weekend with a chance to go to the national championship game.

Instead, your team loses in the conference championship game, the national title dreams are dashed, and your QB will be providing the clap track for Tim Tebow as he is crowned Mr. Heisman at the Downtown Athletic Club in a few short weeks.

Oh, and just to add insult to injury, your team drops from first to sixth in the BCS standings. You somehow get leapfrogged by your hated rival, the Kansas Jayhawks, who were idle last week and finished the season two spots below you in the BCS. They'll be heading to the BCS bowl party in your place.

And if that wasn't bad enough, your other big rival, Illinois, gets to go to the Rose Bowl by virtue of finishing as the next best team to Ohio State, who backdoored their way into the national title game.

Just in case you are keeping score at home, Mizzou beat both Kansas and Illinois this year - in pretty convincing fashion, no less.

So while their less deserving rivals head off to the BCS, Mizzou goes to Dallas, TX to play four-loss Arkansas in the Cotton Bowl.

Said Mizzou TE Martin Rucker in an interview with the Kansas City Star, "I don't know about this whole (BCS) system and how it works. I don't think it does."

Understatement of the year Martin. Understatement of the year.

The bowl selections have smushed the face in of the already dejected Michigan fans.

Somehow, the lackluster Buckeyes will make a return appearance to the championship game against the cocksure Les Miles that parlayed his alma mater for some extra cash to stay in the bayou.

Like being locked in for the gimp in Pulp Fiction, the unranked Wolverines will face last year's national champions in a worthless bowl game where Urban Meyers' offense is the prototype of the offense that Michigan cannot handle.


Close your eyes this bowl season Michigan fans. Its going to hurt.

Yikes. Let's all wait and see if Tubby gets blamed for this as well:

Legion Decides to Transfer From UK

Entry 11: Shake Your Tail Feather

On Wednesday the 28 of November, our company had a bowling party at the Brunswick Lanes in (Town Withheld). The initials D.M. were shown overhead. I was two lanes to the left and focused on completing a spare when I heard the shattering of ten defenseless pins.

Oh yes Gentlemen! A turkey pranced across the screen. D.M. thrusts her fist and rejoices. Curiosity took over, I maneuvered over to her lane, watched her slug down the rest of her Yuengling and hot wings, and glance up at the score. She fired a 187, went on to bowl 3 more games all eclipsing 150. Absolute monster.

Later seen doggy-baggin' left over sub sandwich parts and wings.

No, Pete Weber, you suck it.

Quarter 1

Quarter 2

Quarter 3

Quarter 4

Dropped INT by Omar Gather leads to a failed 4th down and turnover on downs by Seattle.

Birds come out running BWest, only to throw on 3rd and 1. Drop by Scarlett Knight LJ Smith.

Booooooo!

3rd and 8 conversion for the Hawks. Big pop again by JR Reed. Engram might need a whirlpool, but keeps bouncing back up. He's a tough little ragdoll.

William James, if in fact that is his real name, scares me. He always seems to be around when something goes well for the other team. Just saying.

Plackemeir back, Mahe signals fair catch, backs up, let's it bounce, returns it 3 yards.


3 and out.

Boooooooo!

3 and out for Seattle.

Yeeeeeah!

BWest back to receive the punt. Anticlimactic. No return, downed by the Hawks.

Comment by the announcers about Feeley taking shots and trying to make big plays in traffic. Last week this was a good thing. not so much this week.

3rd and long, and they check down to Westbrook 10 yards from the marker.

4th & 6. Through the hands of Curtis with under 2 remaining. i hate to say it's over, but I'm not feeling the magic.

D stuffs Mr. Touchdown on consecutive runs and call timeouts after each.

And make that 3 stuffs and TOs in a row.

BWest back again...breaks one off for a 64-yard return. Who was that smart blogger who called him the most complete back in the game a few quarters ago. Yeah, it's tough going out on a limb like that.

YOU. HAVE GOT. TO BE KIDDING ME.

Who was that smart blogger who said a few minutes ago he didn't feel the magic.

3rd INT for LOFATUPU.

BOOOOOOOOOOO.

This team gives me agida.

And we start the quarter with Moose Tits questioning the play call of the Eagles final play down on the goal line.

BAM! Sheldon Brown RUNS THROUGH BOBBY ENGRAM LIKE A CARDBOARD BOX!

Very reminiscent of his hit on Reggie Bush in the playoffs last season.


Brown's Hit On Reggie Bush (07 Playoffs) - For more funny videos, click here

TD BWest. If he's not the most complete back in the sport, I don't know who is. Moose and i might actually have that in common.

JMU Duke Akeem Jordan just brought the house on the ensuing kickoff. Where's Mike Irvin to scream JACKED UP! for me? Oh, that's right, off-the-air where he belongs.

(Photo: sportsbastards.com)

Punt goes out of bounds.


And the Eagles proceed to punt and give the Hawks great field position. And speaking of Sheldon Brown, he put his head down, and threw Mo Morris an "Ole'" tackle. TD Seattle.

AJ living on the edge, looking for a couple of deep balls to the likes of G Lewis and Reggie Brown in double coverage.

Akers shanks a field goal attempt. If anyone ever questioned Neck Beard's importance to this team, shut your pie hole. Sav Rocca, I knew Koy Detmer. Koy Detmer was a friend of mine. Punter, you're no Koy Detmer.

(Photo: SI/CNN)

They kicked it to Reno! Five guys swarmed to him unmolested, and wisely he called a fair catch. Brains and brawn. Fear him.

3rd and 7, AJ pulls his best McNabb and fires a pass to no one.

Corky gives us a run down of McNabb's injury history. And Sheldon, he who leveled Nate Burlson and did a great turnstile impression with Mo Morris, goes up and picks on off.

"I know they had Terrell Owens with them for a while." -Moose

A while? Hmm. What color is the sky in your world?

Feeley slides awkwardly and gets booed. And proceeds to float the ball directly at Julian Peterson. (he's on the other team). BOOOOOOOO! BOOOOOOOO!

Moose tells us how to call plays.

There it is. "When I was in Dallas..." Did he go to the Chris Collinsworth School of Broadcasting?

And that's the end of the 3rd.

28-24 Seahawks.

Just as I mentioned they were feeding Alexander, Eagles D looks strong in shutting him down at the onset of the 2nd, and forced a missed field goal.

When did JR Reed learn how to lay wood?

Sav Rocca, he of Aussie rules football fame, had a chance to light up Burlson. Poor effort. Gave him the old forearm shiv out of bounds. I expected more. Than again, he's the only rookie who is a card carrying AARP member.

In honor of our announcers...a nice Moose knuckle. That one's for you Daryl.

Speaking of Nate, how is he so wide open on his TD reception? You can shut down Moss, but not Nate Burlson? Oh that's right, Moss was doggin' it.

Eagles respond. Feeley shows a little Donny Mac with a shake and bake, shuffle pass to BWest, a few plays later throws a duck that happens to land right in Kevin Curtis' belly.

--

Daddy should tell that little googly-eyed girl in the Ford Escape Hybrid commercial that those judgmental "people in that part of town" who don't appreciate you driving a big SUV, can kiss your ass. Then make your little girl walk her sassy self over there. It's better for the environment.

--

A couple of sacks (not the sacs in the booth) by the Eagles D and here comes the Seahawks punter. Bounces out of bounds. They don't want to kick it to Mahe! You game plan around him. He's so explosive. The Stormin' Mormon.

Know who Reno looks like? Little Charlie, former Eagles assistant coach.

--

Birds drive down the field, get to the goal-line only to be stopped on 4-downs after being 1st and goal from the one. A high school coach of mine had a term for effort like this. "Sad dick." That about sums up the half. Sad. Dick.

Halftime: 21-17 Seahawks.

The Blonde Bomber just called Buckhalter, "Burkhalter." Not quite as good as Kato's mother calling him "Carl Cornbucker," but I liked the effort.

Before I get to actual game thoughts. I was asked two week ago if Kenny Albert has a touch of Downs. Anyone know? Just asking.


Moose has always been, by far, my least favorite announcer. I know. He blocked for Emmit Smith. Congrats.

First pass of the game by Touchy Feeley is picked off. Terrible, terrible throw. 2nd pass of the game is incomplete. 2 plays called and Corky and Moose are questioning play calling. Eagles proceed to drive down the field rather effortlessly and score, with the crew questioning play calling the entire time. Including on a first down reception. They later go on to note that both coaches script their calls, and need to be more flexible. Look, far be it for me to defend Andy Reid, but I think it is fair to say that both he and Mike Holmgren are two of the relatively more successful coaches in the leageue over the course of the last decade. I think I'd defer to their judgment ahead of a guy who learned his craft from a cross-dressing father and a guy who made his living running headfirst into defenders. Call me crazy.

The crew comments on the crowd "sarcastically" cheering on Feeley. Touchy goes on to throw another pick as he is greeted by a chorus of boos. You know what you will never hear compared? The booing of AJ to the booing of McNabb. Know why? If you point out how the fans boo McNabb you can peg them as heartless and maybe even racist. If you simply comment on them booing AJ, you can't point and say "see, same old heathen Eagles fans. They hate everything." But with all the hub-bub that was given leading up to the game on the "controversy," the media needs you to believe that Eagles fans simply hate McNabb. Just listen. See if they ever mention and/or compare the booing of the two quarterbacks in the same though process. My money says they won't.

What they won't admit - if they even care to realize - is that the booing is not against McNabb. It is not personal. If McNabb threw two picks in the first quarter as AJ just did, he would be booed - as AJ was. But the announcers would be all over it. Fueling the "fans hate McNabb" stories. It isn't the case. Fans hate bad passes and losing football games. There's the story right there. AJ plays good, he is cheered. He plays poorly, he is booed. Same for Donovan.

Oh back to the game. Eagles giving Seahawks field position, Hawks taking advantage and scoring on it. Neither team looks overly sharp, but the field and weather conditions, as well as the turnovers have made it difficult to judge at the onset.

Seahawks are feeding Alexander. With Hasselback picking up some slack when need be, and moving the chains. Oh wow, hey how about that, Moose, maybe they heard your broadcast and adjusted their play call based on your suggestion. Fatty Holmgren isn't smart enough to make decision on his own. Is he?

Quarter Over. 14-10 Seattle.

Found by Michael Milici at Bugs and Cranks.



Wow they sucked. The commercials, not the team. Well, the teams of the mid-to-late 80's sucked too.

This is the best Giles could come up with? The marketing wiz?

Roll out Harry for pete's sake. I do like the Von Hayes spots sans mustachio.

T-Wolf keeping it real. Awful Announcing has footage of HHR's honorary official sideline reporter getting the lowdown from Les Miles. Note of advice to AA: If you keep featuring Tracy Wolfson, you'll have to change you moniker to "Awesome Announcing."

Awful Announcing: CBS Clears Up The Whole Miles Controversy By Actually Talking To Him

Nice suit you got on today.

This is beautiful. What is that? Velvet?

My God, man. Have you no respect? These guys might as well dress like clowns. Ariel touched on Tiki's appearance on Project Runway this week. Think what you will about Tiki and his motives and actions, but at one point on Heidi Klum's show he said to a contestant something along the lines of "I cannot possibly go on the Today Show wearing this. I will be laughed at and embarrassed." At least he gets it.

Speaking of Coming to America, it's sad that this clip is about as relevant analysis than anything we see on any given Sunday with Key, Emmit, Boom and the crew. Though we give a pass to TJ. For now. Though, consider yourself on notice. We got our eye on you.

Tom Brady: I KNOW NOTHING!

After Jaws absolutely killed Randy Moss on Thursday, Tom Brady apparently doesn't agree with the assessment of Moss' laziness:

"It bothers me that people take unnecessary shots at him," Brady said. "I don't know what he's done in the past, but he's been great to be around and I think people just like taking shots, unfortunately. If you truly appreciated what he does in his game, then [you wouldn't take shots] ... around us he's a great teammate and everything we're looking for."

I laughed out loud when I read FanHouse's Ryan Wilson commentary on Ms. Sexiest Woman Alive's reaction:

First of all, Brady doesn't know what Moss has done in the past? Really? I guess Bill Belichick doesn't allow televisions on the compound. Otherwise, Brady's full of crap. Second, I imagine Brady knows exactly what Jaws is talking about since he watches the same tape. It's not surprising that he wouldn't call out his teammate, especially one who's on pace to break all sorts of receiving records, but he sounds silly defending Moss.

Well played, Mr. Wilson. Well played.

I'm sure the chief will pull his best Rodney Harrison and make some excuse and/or cry victim. At least the non-New England loving sports world can rest assured knowing that it's easy to win games when you know what the other team is calling and the whole Belicheat era will be surrounded with an aura of taint.

Mets deal Milledge for Nats' Church, Schneider

Early word is that Mets fans are said to be disappointed to have dealt their once-prized outfielder of the future. Let's be real, though. It's not everyday you get yourself a five-tool handyman like Schneider. The club house will never be in such great working order.