Thursday, January 10, 2008

What kind of man takes steroids? Apparently I should.

According to the Journal of the International Society of Sports Nutrition, a survey of 1,955 US men who used anabolic steroids found that the average user is:

Aged 31. (got a year to go but - check)
White. (check)
Likely to be a college graduate. (barely-check)
Has a "white-collar" job with a high income. (high, no, but collar is gleaming- check)
Majority (70.2%) self-identified as “perfectionists.” (have you seen my blogs?- that's one no)
Users averaged 11.07 years of weight training. (grunt-check)
The majority (69.6%) averaged four to five workout days per week. (check)

I should be using steroids. Why the hell didn't anyone tell me? Seriously, I hate when I am the last to know this shit. This is like in 7th grade when everybody was 'self-employed' by 'handing out jobs to themselves' while I was collecting baseball cards and taping episodes of Full House. (Ironically I wore those tapes out after I learned out how to hand jobs out to myself.)

Cancel my subscription to Men's Health. Fuckers.

1 comment:

Billy said...

Most ballplayers today are taking homeopathic hgh oral spray because it's safe, undetectable, and legal for over the counter sales. As time goes on it seems it might be considered as benign a performance enhancer as coffee, aspirin, red bull, chewing tobacco, and bubble gum.