Monday, March 17, 2008

Charles Darwin Brackets: Midwest

The Discovery Channel used to have a fine program called "Animal Face-off." Where they would pit say a Siberian tiger against, say a brown bear. And through science and simulation will tell you who would win.

You can actually see some match-ups here. Go on. It's fun. I just learned that the Siberian tiger would beat a walrus.

We decided that since our NCAA brackets always get busted early and often, that we would take this approach when filling them out this year.


Charles Darwin Bracket: West
Charles Darwin Bracket: East
Charles Darwin Bracket: South

Round 1

(16) Viking over (1) Jayhawk

There are very few creatures on this planet or any that can defeat an armed viking, nonetheless a bird.

(8) Rebel over (9) Flash

An action will not defeat a human. Even if that action is performed by a human.

(5) Tiger over (12) Wild Cat

Wild cats are cute, sure. But they don't stand a chance against a ferocious tiger.

(4) Commodores over (13) Saints

While Saints may have the power of the Almighty on their side, I don't see them having much of a fighting spirit. Plus the Commodores were some bad mo-fos.

(11) Wild Cat over (6) Trojan

The wild cat might just take this one.

(14) Titan over (3) Badger

While badgers are flat nasty and I was inclined to give it the edge, I don't see its razor sharp teeth penetrating some good armor.

(7) Bulldog over (10) Wild Cat

Nice try, kitty.

(2) Bulldog over (15) Retriever

Try as the retriever will to outsmart the lazy bulldog, the bulldog is just too powerful.

Round 2

(16) Viking over (8) Rebel

He's a rebel and he never, ever does what he should.

(5) Tiger over (4) Commodores

Commodores were lucky to get past the first round. The well runs dry against a tiger, who will shred them. Think Sigfried and Roy.

(14) Titan over (11) Wild Cat

No more prophylactics in the tourney. Go back to boozing, you bum.

(2) Bulldog over (7) Bulldog

A Ron Mexico wet dream, the Ewing family Hoya sweat gland will drown the Eastern Washingtonians.

Sweet 16

(16) Viking over (5) Tiger

A little known fact is that Vikings used to eat tigers for brunch.

(10) Titan over (2) Bulldog

A little known fact, Titans prefer their Vietnamese food chock full of dog.

Elite 8

(16) Vikings over (10) Titan

Vikings are just too damned seasoned for the formidable Titan.

Your 2008 NCAA regional champs, #16 seed Portland State Vikings.

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