Monday, June 23, 2008

Don't Askmen about sports

Baseball isn't for everyone. It's an acquired taste.

It's not a sport you one day decide to follow after avoiding it for decades. thinks that's poppycock and outlines 4 simple ways to get involved with and understand baseball. Follow these rules and not only will you not learn a thing about the game you could lose some friends and the teeth most vital to chewing.

Step 1: Watch baseball with someone who knows the game

And prepare for a punch in the face when you ask too many questions. First of all, no man is going to waste a ticket to a ballgame on a friend who doesn't like baseball. If you are invited over to watch an important game it's only because he feels guilty not inviting you or he expects you to go on beer and food runs.

There is nothing more annoying then a clueless person in my ear during a game. Wait, there is something more annoying...

Step 2: Learn some baseball lingo

Nothing is more obvious then a person talking about a sport they don't understand. Trust me, I've done it.I know nothing about cars. I would never read about them online and then attempt to explain to my mechanic what the problem is 'in his terms.'
'I think I destroked my cycle fenders and it knocked the Framm filter into my hardtop. '

Don't....DON'T use lingo you don't understand. You will just sound like a bigger jackass or Tim McCarver.

Step 3: Join a baseball pool

Yes, do this. And make your team name 'Your welcome for my entrance fee' or 'I make an even 12 teams.' Then prepare for 4 months of verbal ass-rippings on the message board and one sided trades that even Jim Bowden would slowly back his Segway away from.

Step 4: Play a baseball video game

Video games are the last place a person could learn anything about playing a sport. Do you know any major league baseball team that would go the entire season without a sacrafice bunt (Joe Torre teams not included)? Do you know any NFL team that would go for it on every 4th down? How about an NHL game with the offsides turned off? Video games are sports fantasy, where Mark Prior makes it through an entire month and A-Rod hits in the clutch.

So from now on, for the safety of everyone, I am going to ask Askmen to kindly stick to hot Chick profiles and answering reader emails about the female finger techniques.
Concentrate on the other balls and bats.

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