Wednesday, July 2, 2008

The Yankees need Ichiro to cheer up America



Let me do something that no other sports blog has done before. I am going to take a sports scenario and make it seems absolutely plausible and give some reasons why I feel it could and should happen. You will then mentally digest these reasons, agree or disagree, possibly comment with your thoughts then go back to searching pictures of drunk chicks on Flickr and contemplating a countdown to 18 clock for Abigail Breslin.

Ichiro is up for grabs. He would consider a trade to the right team.The New York Yankees should make a serious play for Ichiro.

Look out, here come my reasons.

Reason 1- Godzilla and The Destroyer: Sure Matsui is hurt but when he returns the media spectacle, especially in Japan, would be off the....what's Japanese slang for 'off the hook?' The Yankees would be a huge story in Japan with every Ichiro and Matsui game and at-bat.

Reason 2- Personal rivalry - Who is the better Japanese player? Let them fight it out in pinstripes on an American field. Who wins? Fans of baseball but mostly fans of the New York Yankees. Plus they can share a translator. In the Hank regime that is called SYNERGY!

Reason 3- That new stadium opening- They can advertise A-Rod, Jeter, Joba and the greatest Japanese tag team since Mr. Saito and Mr. Fuji. (Go look them up, I'll wait.)

Reason 4- Getting rid of rotten Melk(y)- This whole Melky Cabrera thing ain't working like the Yankees planned. Those 'Got Melky' shirts are getting sold at the stadium for more than 75% off and being replaced in inventory with 'Want Melky? (We will throw in Kennedy, too)' Let him go an be a productive player for some other franchise like oh...a couple other hundred young Yankee prospects.

Reason 5- The price of gas- Or the economy, or the election or whatever issue you are bitching about. America is on a real bum slide. There is nothing to be happy about. But what if two of Japan's premiere ball players end careers in the good old USA. Not since Iwo Jima has a conquest felt so good. America needs the Yankees to be great again. Baseball fans need someone new to hate. Why not hate an old friend!

Well, those are my reasons. Some make sense and some are the delusions in my head.

Konichiwa, bitches.

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