THR reports that "the Food Network is getting into the competitive eating genre with a new series tentatively titled "Eat the Clock.""

I, for one, am a bit put-off by this concept. Competitive eating has no business on the Food Network (of which, for the record, I am a big fan), and vice versa.

The show "is described as a cross between an eating competition and "The Amazing Race." Two teams of contestants rush to various Los Angeles eateries and gorge themselves in face-stuffing challenges."

Isn't this a bleeding heart "What about the kids?" campaign waiting to happen. How could such a wholesome, responsible channel like Food Network stoop to such Fox/Spike-like depths?

Oh believe me, I'll watch it, albeit confusingly.

Couldn't they just stuff a fat sausage in Rachael Ray's mouth and be done with it?

Or how about Paula Dean vs. her two a-little-to-gay-for-each-other-for-my-viewing-comfort sons going head-to-heads?

You think portly Lagasse could take Bertoletti?

I do.

BAM!