Wednesday, December 24, 2008

The Cynic: The Upside of 0-16

With the Detroit Lions on the brink of making history of the worst kind, football fans are divided into two camps. The first are rooting for a win, saying that no team should have to go winless. The other is hoping for a loss just so we can witness history in the making and forever have someone to whom we can compare really, really bad teams of the future. Regardless of your position in the debate, I think we can all agree this has not been a good year for the Lions or the city of Detroit as a whole. So for my public service, I thought I'd bring a little Christmas cheer to the Motor City by showcasing the brighter side of 0-16.

TOP TEN GOOD THINGS ABOUT THE LIONS GOING 0-16

10. Ticket sales for the Motor City Bowl are going very well.

Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan. Hey, somebody’s gotta win.

9. Rich Rodriguez can tell impatient UM boosters, "At least we're not the Lions."

Raise your hand if you had a better year than the Lions.

8. Rod Marinelli has had more time to focus on his fantasy football team.

"I missed my league championship by that much."

7. Suddenly the Tigers' 2008 failure doesn't seem so bad.

I can think of at least 88 good reasons.

6. The Lions can finally fire Matt Millen.

Oh, wait a minute...

5. They're only one first round wide receiver away from competing.

Fourth time’s the charm.

4. From this point on, they'll all be able to break out the champagne every season when the last winless team gets a victory.

Rudi Johnson is the new Mercury Morris.

3. Lions fans are no longer nostalgic for players like Barry Sanders. They're nostalgic for players like Joey Harrington.

Ah, the good ol' days.

2. The Big Three automakers finally have someone in Detroit to whom they can point and say, "At least we had a better year than those guys."

Despite posting a $4.2 billion losslast quarter,
GM is still an 8 1/2 point favorite over the Lions.

1. Zero wins + sales of "The Imperfect Season" shirts = boost for the Detroit economy.

If the Lions win, some poor kids in central America will be stuck with a bunch of crappy "0-16" shirts. C’mon, Lions—think about the children.

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