Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Eagles Sign Iraqi Shoe Thrower For Remainder Of 2008 Season

By Cadillac Mescallade

Despite their recent hot streak including victories over Arizona, the division leading Giants, and most recently the Cleveland Browns, the Philadelphia Eagles inked quarterback Muntazer il-Zaidi for the remainder of the 2008 season. Eagles Head Coach Andy Reid announced the signing today at a press conference in Philadelphia. Il-Zaidi made headlines recently when the journalist tossed two of his size 10 shoes at President George Bush who was delivering a speech in Baghdad. Bush narrowly ducked both attempts, despite each shoe being delivered with pinpoint accuracy. Il-Zaidi was immediately taken down by blitzing secret service members after releasing the second loafer.

The move come at an odd time as Eagles quarterback Donovan McNabb has been on a role since being benched in the last Eagle's loss-- that said, Coach Reid "didn't want to take any chances, not this time."

McNabb who has led the Eagles to varying levels of success in the playoffs was stunned upon the news but just chalked it up to a microcosm of his time in the city of Brotherly Love. "I guess single-handedly making this franchise relevant again and giving the Eagles a chance to win every season isn't enough for some people. So fine. Bring in this new guy and I'll just show I'm still the best," said a testy McNabb.

Reid meanwhile was raving about the "cannon arm" on il-Zaidi. "We've looked at the replay about 30 times and if you assume President Bush was a receiver with at least average hands, that's back-to-back completions, and keep in mind the second was coming as the pocket clearly collapsed at that press conference," noted Reid. He continued, "and he wasn't even throwing a football, it was a shoe, imagine if it was a football, I just spent about an hour trying throw my sneakers into a garbage can from my desk and I didn't get a one, so that gives you an idea about the kind of athlete this kid is," Reid said.

Reid concluded the press conference by informing reporters that if the signing didn't work out he would wait until 'the right time' to challenge the signing regardless of how many timeouts are left.

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