Friday, December 19, 2008

Have Yourself a Very ESPY Christmas

As you count the days until holiday vacation begins and you brace yourselves for the seemingly nationwide winter storm, grab a cup of cocoa and enjoy this piece on Christmas/holiday traditions vs. their ESPN counterparts.

Santa Claus/The Worldwide Leader
Everybody wants to stay on ESPN/Santa's good side, but it's really because they're the only game in town. Sometimes you get the good stuff (SportsCenter commercials, 24/7 sports highlights, Page 2) , sometimes you get coal ("Who's Now?", 32 straight weeks of the World Series of Poker, anything with Stephen A. Smith). Be good, or you just might find a copy of Tilt on DVD under your tree.

Fruitcake/Skip Bayless
The worst thing about Christmas/ESPN. I have yet to find anyone who actually likes either one. Yet for some reason they always seem to stay on the payroll, rearing their self-absorbed heads whenever the holiday season or a new ESPN talk segment makes an appearance.


Christmas Tree Stand/Chris Berman
Holding the whole thing up since the beginning, every now and again you toy with getting a new one because the old one is still wearing ties from that first Christmas. Also Youtube has shown us every now and again the old stand has its bad days and nearly tips the tree over. But in the end you just can't part with it because it still gets the job done especially on NFL Sundays.


Christmas Lights/Erin Andrews
Sure, they can both be overdone a la Clark Griswold. But they can both make the dumpiest house or worst Thursday night MAC game seem a little bit brighter and more festive.

Mistletoe/Suzy Kolber
Self-explanatory



Kwanzaa/Stuart Scott
Unlike most Christmas traditions, which are centuries old, both Kwanzaa and Stuart Scott were created in the mid-1960s. And not even real black people understand what's going on here anymore



Egg Nog/Mike and Mike in the Morning
Their faux-trash talking is endearing in a sickly sweet kind of way, but gets old fast. In the same way, that first glass of egg nog is pure liquid joy, but drink too much and you'll feel like you just swallowed a bowling ball.

Crazy Uncle/Lee Corso
Every family has that one black sheep uncle. You know, the one who invariably shows up wearing a different “funny” hat every year (reindeer antlers, mistletoe, elf, etc.). He’s funny for about five minutes, but after that you just inch closer and closer to wanting to strangle him with some garland.

Black Friday/College Gameday
Just as the day after Thanksgiving signals the kickoff of the Christmas shopping season, every fall Saturday doesn't really start until you crack open your first breakfast beer and flip on (or off, depending on if he picks your team) Crazy Uncle Lee.

Stockings/Kenny Mayne
Not the biggest prize, but always solid. You never know exactly what you're going to get, but odds are it'll be something good.

The Grinch/Dick Vitale
Vitale can't stand the fact that college bowl games get more press around this time of year than hoops. Secretly longs to find a way to eliminate Christmas and skip directly to ACC conference play.


The Overcooked Christmas Ham/ESPN News
Technically you’re eating and that is, I guess, a good thing. But nobody is enjoying themselves. This is broadcasting school televised live to the entire world and, much like the ham, we must grin and bear it.

Christmas Tree Tinsel/Rachel Nichols
Somehow manages to cover the biggest story in your area (the tree or the Plaxico Burress shooting). At the time putting her out there seemed like a good idea, but thirty seconds in to her stand up, you realize that you would have been better served with a classic jingle ball (Sal Paolantonio- e-s-p-n).

Elf/Merrill Hoge
Both are small.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer/Dana Jacobson (at least when she's drinking)
May be responsible for running over your grandma who is walking home from your house Christmas Eve.


That "Christmas Sweater"/Scott Van Pelt
You always look forward to it and remember it being better, cooler, and more fun than it actually is. Like Van Pelt with the Masters, every year you try it on again, and you laugh a little. But eventually digging it out every year just because of its irony value begins to feel a little forced.


7 comments:

Pro-Hat Party said...

Great post but I can't stand this Rachel Nichols trash talk. i LOVE her. how can you say bad things? how can you not post a photo? Did you know that Diane Sawyer is her mother in law?

I did.

uiyui said...

You said you will love me wow gold the whole life, but you marry her. You said Cheap WoW Gold you will wow power leveling,come to marry me, but this will not be carried out forever.WoW Gold I am trying my best to forget you and do not love you anymore. wow leveling But I failed and I still love you. Maybe wow leveling she needs you more compared wow leveling with me. So I tell you that world of warcraft power leveling you should love world of warcraft power leveling her and take good world of warcraft leveling care of her. You said I was so kind.world of warcraft leveling Yes, because I love you,world of warcraft leveling I hope you will be power leveling happy forever.

Dr. Jackie Crider said...

download registry cleaners

dreaz said...

I am grateful to you for this great content.aöf thanks radyo dinle cool hikaye very nice sskonlycinsellik very nice ehliyet turhoq home free kadın last go korku jomax med olsaoy hikaye lesto go mp3 indir free only film izle

bing said...

http://www.chihairstraightener.us/ : chi hair straightener
http://www.chiflatiron.us/ : chi flat iron

http://www.polool.com/ : new polo shirts


http://www.pursecart.com/ : cheap handbags
http://www.pursecart.com/ : cheap bags
http://www.pumachaussures.com/ : puma chaussures
http://www.pumachaussures.com/ : chaussures puma
http://www.pumachaussure.com/ : chaussure puma

http://www.jacketsworld.com/ : Men's North Face
http://www.jacketscart.com/ : Women's North Face


http://www.myhairstraighteners.co.uk/ : hair straighteners
http://www.sexylingeriestore.us/ : sexy lingerie store
http://www.uggsoutlet.us/ : cheap ugg boots
http://www.12hot.com/ : tattoo wholesale
http://www.polooo.net/ : men's clothing
http://www.acrazystore.com/ : women's clothing




http://www.thehairstraighteners.com/ : cheap hair straighteners
http://www.polosales.com/ : cheap Lacoste polo shirts
http://www.superpolos.com/ : cheap Lacoste polo shirts
http://www.shoesbuying.com/ : 2009 nike shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/2009-nike-shoes-c-153.htm : new nike shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/air-max-classic-bw-c-185.htm : Women's max
http://www.shoesbuying.com/mens-max-93-c-188.htm : Men's max 93
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shox-c-165.htm : nike shox
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-force-c-174.htm : Nike air force
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-2003-c-181.htm : Nike air max 2003
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-air-max-ltd-c-166.htm : nike air max ltd
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-air-max-tn-c-167.htm : nike air max tn
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-rift-shoes-c-162.htm : Nike air rift
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-yeezy-c-184.htm : Nike air Yeezy
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-airmax-c-154.htm : nike airmax
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-airmax-c-155.htm : Nike air max 90
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-airmax-c-157.htm : Nike air max 97
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-birds-nest-shoes-c-152.htm : nike birds nest shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-dunk-high-c-177.htm : nike dunk
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shoes-c-168.htm : nike RT1 shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-sb-c-180.htm : nike SB
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shox-shoes-c-156.htm : nike shox shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shox-shoes-c-158.htm : Nike shox OZ shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shox-shoes-c-159.htm : Nike shox R2 shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shox-shoes-c-160.htm : Nike shox R3 shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shox-shoes-c-163.htm : Nike shox R4 shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shox-shoes-c-164.htm : Nike shox R5 shoes
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-shox-c-171.htm : Nike shox TL3
http://www.shoesbuying.com/nike-trainers-lovers-c-118.htm : nike trainers lovers

http://www.racketsoffer.com/ : tennis rackets
http://www.racketsoffer.com/wilson-racquets-c-19/ : Wilson tennis rackets
http://www.racketsoffer.com/head-racquets-c-18/ : HEAD tennis rackets
http://www.racketsoffer.com/babolat-racquets-c-17/ : Babolat tennis rackets

Kelsi said...

dsquareddsquared
dsquared shoesdsquared shoes
dsquared shoes 2011dsquared shoes 2011
dsquared jeans womendsquared jeans women
dsquared t shirtsdsquared t shirts
dsquared jeans mendsquared jeans men
dsquared hoodiesdsquared hoodies
dsquared beltsdsquared belts
asics shoes saleasics shoes sale
asics shoesasics shoes
asics running shoesasics running shoes
asics mexico 66asics mexico 66
onitsuka kanuchionitsuka kanuchi
timberland bootstimberland boots
christian louboutin shoeschristian louboutin shoes
karen millen dresseskaren millen dresses

sping.chen said...

Glad to see all the speakers, really wonderful content. Do not know if you like Nike mercurial soccer cleats or Nike soccer cleats and Nike Football Cleats,Nike Mercurial Vapor Superfly with New nike soccer shoes.