LeBron James is perhaps a once-in-a-lifetime talent, a franchise and league megastar destined to take the Association to new heights.
Fans know this. Players know this. Most of all, teams and NBA executives know this.
Therefore, you must know, NBA fans, that signing your name on a paper or online form will have little effect on your respective teams' desire, willingness and/or ability to sign LBJ.
Yet, you find the unhealthy need to be an activist. We are talking to you, specifically New Yorkers. And you too, Clevelanders (Clevelandites?). And you countless other NBA cities out there.
For who? For what?
That said, we implore you, HHR Nation and disgusted fans everywhere to join your collective voices in calling for an end to such infantile and pointless petitioning by clicking the link and signing the petition below.
It's your patriotic duty.
To: NBA Fans Nationwide
Whereas, LeBron James is being heralded as not only the most attractive free agent in sports history once he hits the market following the 2010 season, but also as the savior of the free world, re-builder of dreams for hoops fans across the country, eradicator of global hunger and poverty, and cure-all for every disease known to man; and
Whereas, the prospect of having James come to respective fans' franchise of choice has caused moistened panties in NBA cities throughout the land; and
Whereas, Cleveland fans have pinned their future existance on the hopes of LBJ resigning with the Cavs; and
Whereas, New Yorkers have made it their life's purpose to woo the guard to the Big Apple; and
Whereas, petitions to lobby NBA executives to sign LBJ to their teams have sprung up from New York to Cleveland to Kalamazoo,
We therefore call upon fans to join voices in petitioning petitioners to grow up, stop wasting their time, get a life and stop creating petitions regarding the signing of LeBron James.