All you Chutley Chasing ladies out there, get yours just in time for Clearwater. Check out the store by clicking the shirt in the right sidebar.

Now we have NOTHING to do this weekend.

Staten Island's Big Nose Kate's Saloon in the Richmond Valley section canceled its plans for Saturday night dwarf bowling after its owners discovered it was illegal, according to a report in the Staten Island Advance. The report said he club found out that dwarf-bowling has been illegal in bars in New York state since 1990. Saloon manager Rich Makson told the newspaper "when we found out it wasn't legal, we canceled."

Yes, if only Rich paid attention in school, he would have remembered New York's Dwarf-Bowling Law of 1990 which clearly states..

'None of you's fucking guys are trowing any god damn dwarfs around da' god damn bar. What are you stupid? Dat's it, I don't wanna hear no more. Dat's dee end of it. Capish?'

So, to review. The picture above=illegal.

This guy below...perfectly within his rights.

For hours of entertaining video just like this, I urge you to check Guido Fist Pump.com

(Boston, MA) – Despite his name, Boston Globe hockey beat writer Fluto Shinzawa is not, nor has ever been a ninja. Shinzawa, who covers the bruins and NASCAR for the paper, denies any martial arts skills whatsoever, much less a lifetime of demanding training conducted in far off mountain temples where he forged expertise in stealth, assassination, and sacrifice.

“Yeah, at first when I started [in 2002] I thought it was a joke because I was the new guy, and I tried to pay no attention, but now I think they were serious. If I really was a trained ninja, don’t you think I would know more than the tripe that [Bruins GM Peter] Chiarelli feeds us? I’m hoofing it like everyone else.”

Shinzawa’s colleagues are less quick to brush off the possibility the young beat reporter is not a ninja. “I don’t care if he wrote about high school sports in New Hampshire,” said legendary Globe columnist Bob Ryan, "His movements are too fluid, his gaze too steady, and his temperament too even to not be a ninja. And you know what? I’ve seen him wrap his face before, crawling stealthily on the floor – just like they do in the movies - and in the office no less! He tried to deny it and went right past me. But I know his secret. And I honor his commitment to knowledge, justice and making deadline.”

When asked about Ryan’s recollection, Shinzawa flashed a hint of anger but remained calm. “Did he mention that there was a fire in the copy room? I poured my water bottle into my sweater and covered my face from the smoke. Bob was just laying there, making karate chop motions and yelling KEEYAH! at me. I think they said later he had smoke poisoning.”

While he enjoys his work at the Globe, Shinzawa notes the work environment – the ‘ninja thing’ as he calls it – contributes to his looking elsewhere for work. He says he endures the daily borderline racist comments because of his passion for hockey and NASCAR, and the opportunity to break news for a major daily. But thoughts of swift revenge continue to plague him.

I swear if [Globe Columnist Gordon] Edes asks one more time during staff meeting if my byline should be changed to Crouching Tiger or Hidden Dragon, I’m going to call our anonymous harassment hotline. Not that I care, but I don’t think there were even ninjas in that movie.”

Fox Sports' Mark Kriegel author of one of my favorite sports biographies, Namath: A Biography, wrote a piece today called "Nothing fake about wrestling's juicing problem."

He pointed out that Vincent K. McMahon declined the chance to testify on Wednesday before the House Subcommittee on Commerce, Trade and Consumer Protection, along with Bud Selig, Roger Goodell, David Stern, Gary Bettman, Donald Fehr and Gene Upshaw. Kriegel noted subcommittee chairman Rep. Bobby Rush's comment "Steroid abuse in pro wrestling is probably worse than in any professional sport or amateur sport."

It's true. But wrestling is still a fantasy to many. And we overlook it. More so then we do with the NFL.

I have come to grips with the fact that I am a recovering wrestling fan. Back when I liked the "sport" there were far less cartoon characters and far more barroom brawling types who bordered on being flat "out of shape. " 25 years ago, you saw the change taking place as the Hulkster and McMahon teamed up to begin creating what we know today as "sports entertainment."

Also around that time, my family started taking Griswold-esq road trips. Because we weren't a family of means, and because my dad had an aversion to flying, we would pile in a used Dachshund each year and drive a thousand miles to my grandparents' house in Florida. One of the highlights of the trip was being able to purchase wrestling magazines in North Carolina (our midway break point). These weren't the glossy WWF ones. These were the truckstop ones that focused on all feds, including a lot of the southern regional ones. Besides the ads for bootleg women fighting tapes, one of my favorite features was the federation rankings. How else would I know who was lighting up the various NWA territories like Smokey Mountain and Mid-South?

Let's head back down memory lane and look at some of Pro Wrestling Illustrated's 1983 award winners and runners-up. I'd bet at least half of them were juicing, but what difference did it make?

Wrestler of the Year

Harley Race: Harley "Racist" (from what we are told) was inducted into the prestigious WWE Hall of Fame in 2004.



Runners up: Nick Bockwinkel, André the Giant, Bob Backlund

Tag Team of the Year

The Road Warriors (Hawk and Animal) - these guys flat out gave me nightmares. One's dead, the other's kid is a Buckeye.

Runners up: Kerry, Kevin and David Von Erich, Fabulous Freebirds (Michael Hayes, Terry Gordy and Buddy Roberts), Jack and Jerry Brisco

Clearly this is back when the tag team divisions really meant something. Aside from a quick (in this blogger's opinion) resurgence in the late 90's with the Dudleys, Hardys & Christian/Edge's epic TLC matches, tag team wrestling has been dead for sometime.

Match of the Year

Ric Flair vs. Harley Race, NWA World Heavyweight Championship, St. Louis, MO

Falir is the absolute best. Don't believe me? Take this dingo's word for it.



Most Popular

Jimmy Snuka ushered top rope (and top of the cage) meneuvers into the sport. Albeit, in retrospect, at a far less dangerous pace as his high-flying followers. But, obviously fans ate it up.

The American Dweem Dusty Rhodes, David Von Erich, The Junkyard Dog

Most Hated

Greg Valentine - this before the dreaded shin guard was used to cripple opponents with the patented figure-four leg lock.

Runners up: Masked Superstar, Kevin Sullivan, Michael Hayes

Most Improved

Brett Wayne Sawyer is better known as the Mad Dog's brother.

Runners up: (Captain) Mike Rotundo, (Pistol) Pez Whatley, Brad Rheingans (who?)

Manny shuns Dubya. Dubya jabs Manny. Jimmy Kimmel (when not effing Ben Affleck) hits Dubya.

NYP: Gay Cops Rip Rancor Anchor's Wrist Slap

From the AP:

February 29, 2008 -- An organization for gay police officers is upset that a case could be dropped against a former TV news anchor who was accused of attacking a cop and making a homophobic remark.

The New York City Region of the Gay Officers Action League said Wednesday it was "outraged and deeply concerned" that prosecutors downgraded the charge from a felony to a misdemeanor. The judge said the charge would be dismissed if Alycia Lane is not arrested in the next six months.

The charge stems from a Dec. 16 altercation.

Lane, 35, confronted undercover officers, made homophobic remarks and struck a female officer in the face, according to the original criminal complaint in the case. The decision not to prosecute Lane on the original charge, the group said, sends a "disturbing message" to the public.

While the original complaint said the assault caused facial lacerations and swelling, prosecutors said the scratches did not rise to the level of physical injury that a felony charge requires.

Lane denies the charges.

Happy 8th birthday to 1996 Olympic diver Bryan Gillooly. Fellow '96 Olympians Chris Devine and Cyrus Beasley are also celebrating today, turning the big 9.

Elsewhere in the sports worlds, former Bears WE little Fabien Bownes also turns 9, while Brace Paup, Cary Conklin and Chucky Brown hit double-digits today.

Congrats go out to Chase the Golden Retriever, mascot of the Trenton Thunder minor league baseball team. He is now a proud father of a litter of six puppies -- four males, two females. Now one month old, all six puppies are "playful and healthy," the team said in a news release.

Chase immediately quit the team and joined the NBA where he felt he would fit in better with the players.

Photo: ncm.com

Growin' Up in the swamps of Jersey in our red-blooded American Skin, me and my Blood Brother Fat Willard, as well as my honorary Jersey Girl Ariel, always had a not-so-secret love affair with Local Hero, Bruce Springsteen. We used to Rockaway the Days Rendezvous-ing down the shore in our Used Cars, bouncing from bar to bar hoping to catch the Boss popping in unexpectedly to sing a Seaside Bar Song with Southside, John Eddie or even Pittsburghers Joe Grushecky and the Houserockers.

Via Awful Announcing, well played, ESPN. Well played.



Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and see a special guest on Sunday at Jovi's birthday show in Philly.

Photo: thecelebritytruth.com

The wackado group PETA turned to wackado designer and sports groupie Alyssa Milano in their latest campaign in support of vegetarianism. Milano "donned an outfit entirely made out of lettuce, asparagus and other greens."

Milano joins Liz Berkley (so excited, yet so scared), Pam Anderson and other fine specimens as part of the group's Lettuce Ladies posse. At the Lettuce Ladies site you can check out a great little new sport called "tofu wrestling" featuring Playboy model Kira Eggers, and for the laddies a little off-shoot called the Broccoli Boys.

Here's hoping to see vegetarian Prince Fielder give someone over there the stink face.

Photo: PETA

Not since Screech/Horseshack I has there been a worse idea for a boxing match.

Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson are mumbling about rematch.

Holyfield, 45, has revealed he is considering an offer from 41-year-old Tyson's camp to meet in the ring for a third time. "There has been some talk between us," Holyfield told The Guardian newspaper on Thursday.

Unfortunately, Tyson was talking into Holyfield's bad ear, and actually asked him 'if he could count to ten' not 'do you want to fight again.' I am not sure Tyson is even talking to the right guy, it all depends who answers the phone at Holyfield's house.

Sent in by a faithful HHR reader. Frankly it scares us he got this close to the President but we thank him for the pictures.

Papi or Clarence Clemmons?





Youk or Secret service? You decide.

The Prez had a couple great one-liners aimed at Dice-K and Paps.

"We welcome Japan's Dice-K here to the South Lawn. His press core is bigger than mine. And we both have trouble answering questions in English."

He also thanked Jonathan Papelbon for wearing pants.

Click here to watch a clip.

Viva Las Vegas!!!!




After a rainy boring few days at California last weekend, let's hope good ole Vegas gives us some excitement. Money says it will. Vegas has got that new progressive banking, and with the COT slip sliding all over the place, I think we'll be in for quite a show. It's unfortunate that poor Rusty's going to have to listen to the race on the radio instead of watch it on TV.

But regardless if you are watching or listening, get ready for a lot of yellow flags, a lot of loose cars, and potentially a lot of wrecks. In testing during the off-season, several teams crashed, and I don't think it's going to be much different in race conditions.

That being said, it's a tough week to make fantasy predictions, but here goes . . .

A list
- Tony Stewart (20)
B List
- Kasey Kahne (9)
C List
- Brian Vickers (83)

Our buddy Illuminati has a funny little blog about Will Ferrell...check it out here.

We agree but will still go see Semi-Pro because it's much better than half the stuff out there. He said he will probably see it too for the same reason. And we will quote it in emails.

We are powerless. Trapped in a glass box of emotion.

Coach put me in we would have won state. I just know it!

"...Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out."

Or so must be saying the bully's perrenial whipping boy, ProfessorJohn Clayton.With news of Salisbury's departure from the four-letter network, onemust wonder where he goes from there.

Sporting News Radio? Guestspot on Screamin' A's blog? Best Damn Sports Show? A Comcast regional?

Wherever it is, it will be interesting to see whether Sean and Lil' Sean land on their feet. Truth is, can he get away from his only known usefulness and schtick?

That being, picking on the Professor. Howfunny would it be if, say, he did a guest spot with Olberman (he stillhas a show, right?) and all he can do is poke fun at an irrelevant andabsent Clayton?

Frankly, I don't think the one trick pony can adapt to life afterESPN. What do ex-mediocre-to-lousy athletes turn to when not playingand strong-arming bookish pencil pushers?

Reality TV? "Celebrity" poker? Hocking used cars?

How about selling camera phones at a mall kiosk?

We don't know why anyone would make this film either

From Dan Gross of the Daily News:

Filmmaker Tim Carr says he's still test-screening "Leaf," his half-narrative, half-documentary feature about former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf. He'll host a free screening at 8 p.m. March 6 at the Anthony Wayne Cinema (109 W. Lancaster Ave.) in Wayne.

Leaf, now a quarterback coach at West Texas A&M, was the No. 2 pick, after Peyton Manning, in the 1998 NFL draft. He started with the San Diego Chargers, but injuries, poor play, verbal abuse by reporters and fans, and confrontations with teammates led to his retirement in 2002. "Leaf" is Carr's directorial debut, but his acting credits include "All My Children" and "Rocky Balboa."

Former Eagles Hugh Douglas and Fred Barnett appear in "Leaf," as does former Soul player Keita Crespina.

Leaf is just the working title, other options were...

No country for terrible quarterbacks
There will be losing
Juno (he is going to be terrible right?)
Sweeney Dudd
The Assasination of Ryan Leaf by the coward Bobby Beathard
Gone Baby Gone (after 3 seasons)

T.O. and Barry hang out. They were spotted together hamming it up for cameras at the Palms Hotel in Las Vegas.

Of course, TMZ has the video because that's what they do. (I recommend a peek just for the two hot chicks dancing on the table.)

It's not so much that the bar was fined, it's that what kind of country is this that a nice Irish lad can't enjoy a little ivory tickling entertainment without the man slapping cuffs on him?

"A piano bar that admitted Heisman Trophy runner-up Darren McFadden even though he was under age will face a $500 fine. Employees of Ernie Biggs told investigators they let the 20-year-old running back inside Jan. 10 knowing he was a minor."

In the bar's defense, he looks 21.

As far as McFadden goes, now that we are of age, we don't condone underage drinking, unless Nick the Lounge Singer was headlining.

Do you handle balls? Work at Dick's? If so, perhaps you too have a chance with Samantha Micelli.

"I like soccer a lot," Milano told Chicago Trib soccer blogger Luis Arroyave. "I've been to a few [Los Angeles] Galaxy games. I love watching the World Cup. I like European soccer too."

Look out, cricketers! You're next!

'Duk at Big League Stew pointed out: You know what? Bartolo Colon doesn't look that bad.

That is...if you are 7'4" from Grenoble, France.

I think it's safe to note that Bartolo Colon has a posse...

You know you want this on a t-shirt.

The AC Surf will do anything, or hire anyone, to boost attendance. First it was the 'refund your tolls' promotion to stick to Corzine and his toll rate increase.

This weeks move is a Managerial change. Manager/Pitcher Mitch Williams was the guy fans love to hate. He is now a part-owner and WIP personality. So they replaced him with a guy who is hated by even his own family.

From Philly Will Do:

The Atlantic City Surf's manager from last season is now a part-owner of the team, and so the team knew there was only one man who could lead the Surf to the championship: Cecil Fielder.

An obsessive gambler with a lifetime of debt has a job that's five minutes from about thirteen casinos?

Can you lose an entire minor league team playing craps?

Photo: clevelandleader.com

You might have read the very good piece by the young hoopster on his Yardbarker blog.

Here is the text, in full, of the piece that ran in the Hotline blog:

COLUMBUS, OH – Greg Oden, the centerpiece of Ohio State University’s 2006-2007 Big Ten champion and national runner-up team, announced today his endorsement of Barack Obama.

The number one overall pick in last year’s NBA draft, Oden is a first-time voter, and he decided to speak out about this election because he believes America is at a critical juncture.

“Like a lot of young people, I’ve been drawn to Senator Obama’s campaign and the potential he has for our country,” Oden said. "Obama gives Americans, especially young voters like me, a sense of hope in politics. He makes us feel like we can come together for the good of our country. Topics like education and healthcare are very important to me, and I agree with Sen. Obama's views on these issues."

Oden will work with the campaign to reach out to young voters in Ohio and states that are still to waiting to have primaries, such as Indiana, where Oden was the high school basketball player of the year, and Oregon, where Oden plays for the Portland Trail Blazers.

“Greg Oden meant a lot to the state of Ohio, and we’re proud to have his endorsement,” Obama Ohio Director Paul Tewes said.

Good for Oden for getting interested and active, but truth is, there are very few "young people like him." You know, 7' 20-year olds who were #1 overall picks in the NBA draft and sign $20-some-million contracts with no degree or professional work experience.

And I just find it difficult to take a guy who won't have to worry about health care for some time (stow away some of that $21 mil in a health savings account, would ya?) and one that simply made the obligatory NBA-mandated stop over in college seriously when he says, "Topics like education and healthcare are very important to me."

Call us crazy.

Photo: USC Sports Talk

And apparently the USC hoops recruit is worried that one of its members knocked up Jaime Lynn Spears.

Bad enough the 'lil dude don't like to pass, now he's gotta deal with his 'lil posse running rampant in the pants of his 'lil Hollywood gal pals.

JL is 16 right? (There's that statutory thing again). Unless, of course, 18 y/o Romeo has 16 y/o's making up his entourage - but that can't garner much street cred.

According to CeleBitchy via In Touch Mag, "A friend of rapper Lil’ Romeo supposed had a fling with Jamie Lynn Spears last year and is worried that he might be the father of her baby-to-be."

Deeply upset, Jamie Lynn turned to her new male friend for support and advice - and before long, the insider alleges things turned physicial. “They would fool around at his mother’s house. He was totally in awe of her,” the insider claims. “He said that she was very experienced and had a great body. He was in heaven.”

Ah yes, friends with bennies. Experienced ones at that. To be young and carefree again.

At first my thoughts drift towards Juno, but the more these rumors flourish, the more it starts looking like an Anna Nicole "Who's Your Daddy?" dispute.

Shame.

NYP: Satan on Trade Radar


If he wants to invoke a no-trade clause, word to the wise, by all means let him.

Noting: "John Elway owns a pair of steakhouses in the Denver area -- and it's safe to say he visits them from time to time."

Hey, we've seen worse.

At least he wasn't dancing around poolside clutching a Heiney in a coozy.

Jon Stewart wasn't always a snarky fake news anchor. He was once a snarky soccer player. And 'round these parts we also remember him as a snarky bar keep at the Franklin Tavern's Bottom Half and the former Casa Lupita. And now he's all grows up and hosting the Oscars.

the chief points out that we at HHR like to think he didn't play for the love of competition or even the affections of saucy coeds, but rather the all-you-can-eat orange slices during games. Remember those things? Goddamn those were delicious.

Goooooooallllll!

Thanks to phillyBurbs' Illuminati for the find.

While browsing around the Phillip Hughes blog, the staff noticed a link to Chien-Ming Wang's official website. It's your standard player page, with information, stats, apparel, photo gallery, Lifestyle Bobbleheads, video......wait...lifestyle bobbleheads??




Wang's original bobblehead from AA Trenton Thunder are a collector's item, especially in his native country of Taiwan, so I imagine Wang and MLB is trying to cash in on the bobblehead craze by releasing the CHIEN-MING WANG LIFESTLYE SERIES

There is...

Chien-Ming Wang- Lead Singer of the Strokes: Because sometimes a Major League Baseball player just wants to live the life of a famous rock star who gets tons of chicks. Like a fantasy almost.


Chien-Ming Wang- Waiter- We don't all win our arbitration cases and have to pay the bills.


Chien-Ming Wang- Male Nurse: He hopes to be a doctor who specializes in.....(you know where I am going with this joke)

And finally...


Chien-Ming Fonz- Aaaaaaaayyyyyeeeeeee

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't considering purchasing one of these. I think I'm going to hold out for the Derek Jeter lifestyle addition bobbleheads. Probably the Jeter Saturday Night Clubbing (with optional 'Club Slut Barbie') and Sunday Morning Parking Validator Bobblehead Two-Pack.

We are going to have to keep our eye on this...

Yankees pitcher Philip Hughes has a blog. 

He is man of few words but many prizes. He has already had contests for signed balls and a numbered fleece. It doesn't seem like he has an agenda and a soapbox like the Baconator or want to make himself into a large than life figure (Agent Zero). 

He is just a young guy with a ton of talent and a ton of pressure on his shoulders. Looks like he already has a heart. 

A big prep race ran this weekend. The Fountain of Youth Stakes pits top contenders in the Florida region against each other to help whittle the field for the Kentucky Derby.

This year's race was stacked with big names that didn't bring their 'A' games.



The card included top derby contenders: Court Vision, Z Humor, Monba, Anak Nakal and Cool Coal Man. Half of which will now need strong showing next time out or will be watching barnmates shoot for the roses and the stud life.

Cool Coal Man, who for some reason I find myself calling Cool Hand Luke, had an open, stalking trip with slow fractions from the leaders that allowed him to handedly take the stakes. However, Elysium Fields made a strong showing, proving that he belongs on the big stage. His kick at the end shows he can handle the distance.

Court Vision showed some pop at the end as a closer, but when it comes to closers no one beats Kyra Sedgwick, I mean Pyro. Monba, arch-nemesis Todd Pletcher's seemingly only horse for the derby this season, was pinched and faded. Anak Nakal never fired.

CCM had a good run, but a trip like that won't come in the derby. I was hoping the Fountain of Youth would shift out some big name posers, but I am afraid that they will all have another shot at the Florida Derby in March. But, I will have my good eye on that Elysium Fields next time.

Garbage!!!

That's what NASCAR had in store for us this week . . . absolute Garbage. Usually, I abhor having to delay a race until Monday, but that's exactly what they should have done yesterday afternoon. Instead, in all of their infinite wisdom, they sent the boys out on a wet and "weeping" track. Several good drivers with good race cars got caught up in accidents due to nothing else but NASCAR's rush to get a race run on the weekend. As you can imagine, my boy was one of those unlucky few.

Furthermore, the "gopher cam" that was unveiled in Daytona was amazing. It captured some of the most amazing footage of the race. But the incessant need to name the stupid thing now makes me wish it was never invented. I think the FOX broadcasters must have asked everybody but the corn dog vendor their opinion on the critter's name. Who cares?!?! Gracious!! It WAS cool, until y'all made us hate it with your epic blabbering.

Oh well, at least my fantasy team did pretty well. Don't forget to check back on Thursday for the Vegas line-up

Y'all come back now, hear?

(Pablo Martinez Monsivais/Associated Press)

The New York Times is reporting that "A Congressional committee has taken the first steps toward asking the Department of Justice to launch a criminal investigation into whether Roger Clemens committed perjury during testimony about his use of performance-enhancing drugs, according to three lawyers familiar with the matter."

At this time, "A draft letter referring Clemens, but not his accuser, Brian McNamee, had been drawn up by staff members for the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform by the end of last week, according to two of the lawyers," though it noted that "McNamee could also be included in the referral by the time it is sent to the Justice Department."

See the full post here: Congress May Single Out Clemens.

'Duk at Y!'s Big League Stew shows us video that proves "Jonathan Papelbon does not speak Spanish very well."



What is painfully obvious as Paps smears the language is that he never attended the Jose Reyes Spanish Academy.

To be honest, I almost see his point. True, in many cases you'd hate to see adolescents up late on school nights in crime ridden neighborhoods. But, in many cases, these things shouldn't be looked at in a vacuum.

Always the moral compass on all things sports-related, Phil Muschnick dedicated a column entitled ESPN, Schools Invite Trouble, to wagging his finger at school officials and the 4-Letter network for tipping off a nationally-televised game between Jersey City's St. Anthony's High School and American Christian of Pennsylvania at 9 PM on a school night.

"Thursday night's game, played on and for ESPN, tipped off at nine, after most high school games have ended, and ended at 10:35. Spectators, including high school kids - high school kids can reasonably be expected to attend high school games - then emptied the gym to travel the streets of Jersey City, shortly before 11 p.m. on a Thursday night."

After citing Jersey City crime statistics, he went on to ask the following, likely rhetorical questions:

• Do you think that there's even one ESPN executive who would be eager to have his or her child out and about in Jersey City late on a winter's Thursday night?

• Would even one of them allow their kids to invite such peril?
  

• How many ESPN executives have walked the streets of Jersey City late at night, even once, the last 20 years?

• How many ESPN execs, after scheduling Thursday night's high school game, would have allowed their kid to attend it?

What he notably neglected to include in his public service announcement was, 3 days after the game was played - when the column was printed, whether or not his fears were justified. Whether or not their were violent shoot outs as kids emptied the gyms into the dark, dangerous Jersey City streets.

Jersey City is a rough place, no doubt. But Mushnick, as he is prone to do, speculates with out substantiating. St. Anthony's basketball is among Jersey City's brighter spots. One that the community can rally around. What's wrong with having these "kids"cheering on their peers and feeling a sense of pride as their school and community is showcased on a national stage - 1 school night out of the year? Especially when, as far as we can tell, no one got killed on sight.

Barry Melrose covered Newark. Mushnick's got Jersey City. Who wants to tell us about how bad Camden and Trenton are?

Truth is, we know how bad they are, but give us a break when we highlight how positive they can be.

His pesky little entanglement with federal prosecutors aside, disgraced slugger Barry Bonds apparently had at least one interested suitor this offseason.

Mindnumbing as it is, apparently Cardinals' manager Tony LaRussa was urging the St. Louis front office to acquire the disgraced slugger to provide some protection to Albert Pujols in the lineup. You can read about this fiasco that fortunately wasn't here.

"Those front office geeks don't know sh*t about baseball."

LaRussa has caught a lot of flack in St. Louis for his supposed preference for "veteran leadership" as opposed to letting his younger guys log time in the field. What veteran leadership Tony hoped to get from Bonds ("How to Destroy Your Team From the Inside Out" - with special guest speaker, Barry Bonds!) I will never know. I'm just hoping Tony was still drunk when he thought this up.

But more to the point, Bonds is acknowledged as a massive steroid cheat by everyone who has at least half a brain. Plus, he's under federal indictment for lying to a grand jury about his steroid use. That bears repeating about a thousand times.

Now this will get washed under the bridge by the Cardinals media department as just a brainstorming session gone bad. But here's something to keep in mind: the Cardinals have already invited 38 year old and Mitchell Report alum Juan Gonzales to camp - and by some accounts, it's not out of the question that he might make the team.

So in a nightmare scenario, the Cards' would have Bonds in left field and Gonzales in right. Might as well ring up Mark McGwire and see if he's interested in playing 1st base again.

Note to Tony: This is not 1990's Oakland. Steroids are kind of frowned upon nowadays.

Looking to kill time before MLB Opening Day? Want to pick up a last minute gift for that special NBA star in your life? Ever wonder what it's like to be Rae Caruth? Is ESPN looking for filler until the next Scrabble championship?

Well, Gillius, Inc. has the answer for you! “Don’t Drop the Soap” is their prison-themed game created by Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius' son John.

"Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole. Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss' lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse's desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole.

The artistry of each handcrafted piece is matched with comparable humor & intelligence on every card. Stack your smokes, sharpen your shank, and get ready for an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate."

Family fun night will never be the same!

Good times!

The 11-page "separation agreement" was released today by the school through an open records request by The Indy Star.

See pdf text of the agreement here.

image: boilersports.com

Boston.com doesn't mess around with headlines and the Saux don't mess around with tender keisters.

Sox don't confirm a deal on fragile Colon

"It's tearing the ass out of me."

I enjoy watching things like the Oscar red carpet with the pre-wife. She has claws, and they don't come out often, but any event that involves celebrities, fashion, and E! and she gets snarky. I also like to watch to remind her which women I think are 'hot' and that I'd 'do'. (Like it has ever been my choice.)

Last night, Seacrest is doing his normal schtick. He is about to interview Jennifer Garner (do) who is being pulled away from the interview by Laura Linney (do). Seacrest is waiting patiently when out of nowhere, he is bum rushed verbally and physically by Gary Busey. The situation gets more awkard as Busey hugs and attacks Garner who reacts like a hiker unknowingly stumbling into a bear den.

My first thought in all this; Where is Ben-what-the-who-fleck while this whole maylay is going down? His wife is up for an Oscar, the stars of his movie are up for a few, and he is nowhere to be found? He has the time to teach his kid how to be a brat Red Sox fan but can't show up to support his wife? No wonder he doesn't get the super hero roles anymore.

Anyone else find it a little out of place and borderline disturbing that the background music of one of the NBA's top commercial poster boy Dwayne Wade's Gatorade commercial features "Walk on the Wild Side." If you are not familiar with the tune, it is described as "a Lou Reed song from his 1972 second solo album Transformer. The song received wide radio coverage, despite its touching on topics such as transsexuality, drugs, male prostitutes and oral sex, and is usually regarded as Reed's best-known solo work."

Good for Reed. Um, not so hot for D Wade?

Strange enough the G2 Jeter commercial talks about "every kind of 'mo there is."

Press of Atlantic City: 2 recently fired Vineland High School wrestling coaches charged with disorderly conduct for 'prank'

Only in New Jersey would individuals get off with disorderly conduct for essentially poisoning one of their own athletes' Gatorade bottles.

It's the start of Spring Training in Red Sox Nation and naturally the dependable gamers and workhorses like Youkilis, Lowell, and ROY Pedroia are hitting the cages, shagging balls, and... oh wait. Strike that. They are playing ping pong in the batting cages, to compete for the coveted Golden Paddle. Ummm yeah.

Click to see Youk's hot, fast wrist action.

Between this competition and his season long cribbage match with Francona, I think Pedroia might just become King of the Rec Room Olympics one day.

But the important part of all this is that we live in a world where these three 'guys are goofing off while Manny Ramirez talks to the media (!), says he wants to stay in Boston, and is working out like a maniac.

Please proceed straight to your underground bunker.

Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up? Please stand up?

I can't honestly say that I am what you'd call a fan of Selena Roberts. I usually find her commentary on the Sports Reporters, for the lack of better terms, "underwhelming."

That said, I applaud her effort in this week's Point After in Sports Illustrated.

While the media and fans alike continually vilify the likes of Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds and now, to an extent, Bill Belichick, inspirational hero and champion Lance Armstrong is conversely deified for his humanitarianism and courage.

Finally, in the wake of Congressional hearings and debate over the legitimacy of our sports' respective record books and championships, Roberts steps forward and calls a spade a spade - noting that Armstrong's demeanor and actions are no different than his fellow Texan Roger Clemens'.

While she chalks it up to Texas bravado, it's more like pompousness. "In recent months Clemens has been in near lockstep with Armstrong's don't-mess-with-Texas methodology: Deny defiantly, sue aggressively."

The difference between Roger and Lance, she concedes, is that the Rocket overstayed his welcome, whereas Armstorng "had the savy to exit before a raft of elite racers from his era surfaced in scandals that have savaged cycling."

On Roger, "As a serial retiree he could have departed as planned in 2003. Removed from baseball, in a different state of mind, he might have spoken to former senator George Mitchell if asked. He might have saved himself with righteousness." Instead, "Roger has no moral cover. He can't borrow Lance's halo."

It is up to us, then, as fans, to hold everyone, or no one, accountable. Roberts deserves credit for pointing out the double standards we in society have. A good PR campaign can far outweigh facts and alters perceptions, which if you think about it is exactly what they are intended to do. It is up to us to see through it.

I reckon this weekend should be another exciting race. The new car's never raced on an intermediate track like California, and if last week was any foreshadowing of this week, we could be in for some exciting racing.

That being said, I think HMS is due to come back to victory lane. Despite Roush's dominance on 2 mile tracks, HMS has been able to make the switch to the new car better than anyone. My fantasy pick for the week is the #48, but look for the #24 and #88 to be in contention as well.

And without further adieu, here is Rusty's fantasy NASCAR line-up for the weekend. I hope to make this a weekly post, so be sure to check back every Thursday (i'll get it out sooner in the future).

A List
- Jimmie Johnson (48)
B List
- Kyle Busch (18)
C List
- Dale Jarrett (44)

The mid-1980s must have been a more jovial, simpler time or one of the side-effects of cocaine binges was sport-themed music collaborations and videos. Luckily, the Internets will allow generations to witness these good old times again.

From the era that brought you Footloose, We are the World, Super Bowl Shuffle and Buddy's Watchin' You, I would like to introduce you to Bless You Boys. Tiger Fever is Here!

Not knowing what to expect, Fat Willard and I made the short trip across the Delaware River to hit up the God Save the Fan book tour at UPenn last night. (If you clicked that link, know that I scored a 96% & 99% slapping the bass on Wonderwall & Wanted Dead or Alive, respectively as leader of the band "Savage Animal").

Our first foray offline, we had a fun time with the likes of Bugs & Cranks' Meech, The 700 Level's Matt P, Ladies...' Clare, Philebrity's Fitch and phillyBurb's Illuminati, not to mention Leitch and "The Balls." Surprisingly, decent people all around (not that we had any reason to think otherwise).

There were even two dudes we drank with who actually heard of our site. Shocked the hell out of us.

Tell him Steve-Dave.

Some of you may have noticed a common theme amongst our nom de plumes.

Shockingly, not all of our team has actually seen the movie masterpiece we are paying "homage" to. Then again, maybe they're the lucky ones.

Our pony aficionado CR Dunbar shared this with the team this afternoon:

"Btw, I forced myself to watch Footloose the other day. I think it was on Nick at Night. I made it half way through. I can't believe that it was hugely popular. He broke into a gymnastics dance routine in some abandoned grain facility. He was on the gymnastics team in rural Indiana. I'm beside myself."

From Rev. Shaw: "I switched it off after watching the white-knuckle scene where they were playing chicken on tractors."

Personally, Ariel and myself couldn't stop laughing when Lori Singer busts out, "Ren McCormack made a lot of people stop and think!"

Amen, sister. I'll dance to that.

It has not been a good winter for the Dude.

Ex-PED-Abusing-MLB-All-Star-tuned-money manager Lenny Dykstra is being sued by a New York City accounting firm that says he owes $111,000 in fees.

CNNMoney/Fortune Mag

After some post-Congressional hearing offline downtime, the Boston Herald's Inside Track reports that DebbieClemens.com, "Mrs. Rocket’s Health and Fitness Web site, wherein she advocates diet, exercise and really ugly bejeweled denim," is back up and running.

And thank God.

I was worried I would no longer be able to snag this lovely denim jacket in time for Ariel's birthday.

So sit back (preferably in this Rocket Rocker), take a load off and peruse the site. Turn your speakers on for some soothing zen-like tunes.

Ariel, inspired by her love of bowling and Joe Sports Fan's Worthless Card Collection, pointed out this doozie.

From Jeremy Cothran's NJ.com/Star Ledger Ledger on the Mets:

A few of us are out on the main field, watching Billy Wagner rifle a football back and forth with Pedro's trainer, Chris Correnti. He does this every morning to loosen up his arm, alternating between long and short tosses. Wagner was a QB in high school in the Virginia panhandle, but jokingly admitted he was pretty terrible. Football, however, did help him bulk up, which added sizzle to his fastball.

Apparently (for now) he is done getting in shape by tossing former teams under the bus.

"How much you wanna make a bet I can throw a football over them mountains?... Yeah... Coach woulda put me in fourth quarter, we would've been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind."

Sixers coach Cheeks gets extension

And might we say, it looks faaaaaabulous!

Hey, it's Tommy. I am on freaking TV aren't I! WOO HOOO....

Can you see me? Watch I'll wave! These seats are un-farking-real!

Ha..DUDE! I'll do it again! Ha! Watch me pretend to drink a beer and be drunk. Are you DVRing this?


Wait...everyone is standing up, I think the YMCA is going to start.......ooooooooooooooo

TOP TEN REASONS FIDEL CASTRO IS RETIRING

10. He has accepted the role of Dr. Ramon Vazquez on "General Hospital."
9. Achieved his goal of getting Cuba's unemployment rate under 83%.
8. Wants to spend more time interrogating his family.
7. Just got Season One of "Gilmore Girls."
6. Caught injecting human growth hormone into his wife, Debbie Castro.
5. Too many tacos.
4. He was adopted by Angelina Jolie -- honestly, how crazy would that be?
3. Always promised himself he'd quit torturing when it stopped being fun.
2. Jane Fonda alled him a blank.
1. 49 years at the same job? Who am I, Letterman?

Listening to Boomer and Carton on New York's WFAN on the way to the Old Country Buffet for an 'All you can eat' throw down. Their guest this morning was former heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield. He is trying to get one last fight because he claims 'it's not how you start your career it's how you finish it.' Thought his was finished in the late 90's but what do I know.

Carton brought up Holyfield's link to HGH and steroids and said that in the documents seized by authorities, the records indicate an HGH purchase by a man named 'Evan Field' who had the same address and telephone number of the former champion. The records also showed that when authorities called the number, Evander Holyfield answered the phone.

Holyfield's defense of his connection to the pharmacy, HGH, and the supposed phone call?

'It wasn't me. '

Fine mush head. It wasn't you. Then put 'Evan Field' on the phone. He lives at your address and gives out your phone number. Is he available for comment?

ECW founder Paul E. Dangerously (Paul Heyman) is teaming up with Executive Producer Peter E. Poon to launch "NewsCorp's first step into the Internet-mobile broadcasting platform," The Heyman Hustle.

The first episode features a last-second appearance by former WWF heavyweight and Governor of Minnesota Jesse "The Body" Venture.


According to the National Ledger and the Sun's Mark Gilbert, "The popularity of the Hustle show lead to it being on the splash page of the Sun."

The Sun interviewed Heyman about the Hustle, his absence from professional wrestling, his relationship with Vince McMahon and his thoughts on the new brand of ECW, which Paul E. describes as a "monumental letdown" and compares it to someone describing a resurrection of the Beatles as “You know what, we want to make them more globally accepted, so we’re going to have a white guy, an Asian female, a Hispanic Bisexual and an African-American with a Scottish accent.”

On McMahon: "Vince is such a control freak that if he sneezes, the next 10 minutes of any meeting are ruined because he is so pissed at himself for not being able to control the sneeze."

Good stuff. Check it out here.

Big week for reality TV.... DWTS announcement, start of the top 24 Idols, and another heated Biggest Loser. I'll do my best to give brief commentary on each.

DWTS:

While I haven't been watching Bruno and Carrie Ann, I was excited to hear who would make up the next season of dancers, starting March 17th. A mixed bag of sorts...



ADAM CAROLLA & JULIANNE HOUGH - This could be good. I like Adam Carolla, and think he'll be decent, and he is funny, so that is a good thing.

CRISTIÁN DE LA FUENTE & CHERYL BURKE - No clue who this is.

SHANNON ELIZABETH & DEREK HOUGH - She is good looking, but might be boring... not too much personality here.

STEVE GUTTENBERG & ANNA TREBUNSKAYA - I am psyched about this, I have to be honest. The Polica Academy series is one of the best. I am just wondering if Michael Winslow will be providing the music and sound effects for Steve's performances.

PENN JILLETTE & KYM JOHNSON - Um, yawn.

MARIO & KARINA SMIRNOFF - No clue who this is.

MARLEE MATLIN & FABIAN SANCHEZ - Um, yawn. This will be another sort of Heather Mills thing.... people dancing with disabilities... whatev.

PRISCILLA PRESLEY & LOUIS VAN AMSTEL - Should be interesting to watch. Hopefully she'll have more sex appeal than Jane Seymour did.

MONICA SELES & JONATHAN ROBERTS - She might be good. I will just be inclined to watch her and see if she yells everytime her partner spins her one way or the other...

JASON TAYLOR & EDYTA SLIWINSKA - This is the HOT couple. If he has rhythm, I'd put money that they'll make it to the finals. Edyta deserves to win just once.

MARISSA JARET WINOKUR & TONY DOVOLANI - No clue who this is.

KRISTI YAMAGUCHI & MARK BALLAS - Kristi is definitely the early favorite for obvious reasons, and will likely go far. But she might be boring, who knows.

IDOL:



The guys were up last night to dazzle us with hits from the 60's. Ren and myself exchanged many texts and calls with both Fat Willard and Ren's sis in regards to the number of young boys in very tight, girlish looking pants. The Norega kid definitely was wearing girls jeans... those bitches were low-rise, and men's jeans aren't made THAT low. Maybe I am just getting old- I mean Fall Out Boy wears them. Anyway, I digress.

The Aussie dude at the end was the best - he is older, more mature, not like the other HS musical theater drop-outs. And he is good looking. Doesn't hurt when the guys are easy on the eyes.

Hopefully the girls tonight will WOW us a bit more.

BIGGEST LOSER:



So I will spare you the details of the show, other than the fact that Paul is an a**hole and deserved to get kicked off.

The whole season he has guilted his poor ex-wife (his partner on the show) time and again about how he still loves her and she doesn't love him. GET OVER IT. You are there to lose weight, not try to get your ex-wife back.

The turning point for Ren and I in watching the show last night was how cocky he was right before elimination of his chances of NOT getting kicked off.... saying how he had the best potential to lose the most weight. Well, buddy, when you go home for a week and stuff your face with wings and desserts, your ass ain't gonna drop that weight. Then, he had the audacity to wear his Yellow Team shirt to the elimination, pretty much singling himself out....

Thankfully the youngsters of the team dropped the dead weight, literally, and kicked his behind to the curb. Kelly, and the rest of the black team will be better for it.

And that is your super update for this week. It was tough to type because my thumb hurt from flipping back and forth last night...

Are you threatening me?

Now, Rusty usually lets the Rev handle college hoops, but when it comes to the mecca of college bball, Tobacco Road, ole Rusty can hang with the best of them.

Williams irked by Coach K

So, apparently, looks like Roy Williams is having a fit about something the venerable Coach K said on a radio show.

"[He] has been dealing with that since -- and unlike other schools we don't release our injuries -- so I thought he played a strong game tonight," Krzyzewski said.

That nine-word aside about "other schools" was, Williams said on Tuesday, "aimed toward us."

Seriously? Doesn't he have a top ranked team he needs to coach? Isn't he going into the hostile RBC Center tonight to play Carolina's real in-state rival (sorry national fans, but for us NC folks, Duke is Mayonaise, the real rivalry is State Carolina)?

Just seems like a bunch of hooey to me. But maybe if he worried about his own ball club more, he wouldn't be fainting on the sidelines so often. Just a thought.

-posted by Rusty

This is via our Yardbarker buddy Iggle36 from InsideTheIggles.com. Iggle describes it: "The 1988 Eagles make this rap “Buddy’s Watchin’ You”. There are many Iggle greats on here, including Jerome Brown, Reggie White, Randal Cunningham, Andre Waters, Wes Hopkins, and Mike Quick."

Sadly, as Fat Willard pointed out, 3 of those guys are already deceased.

My favorite is Luis "Bounty Bowl" Zendejas, "I kick field goals. Am I nervous? Yeah."



Yeah Boooy!

And by the McNabb treatment they mean:

...feel unappreciated.
...be surrounded by mediocrity.
...be labeled a "company man."
...be booed.
...throw up in high pressure situations.
...be wished death upon.
...feel as if you're being run out of town.
...be constant subject of rumors.
...be judged based on race.
...have your words taken out of context.
...have fans call for your backup.

Quite a marketing strategy they have there.

In tribute to the Rev's outstanding running diary from Freedom Hall last night, ladies and gentlemen, "Crank That Louisville" via Card Chronicle:

By now you might have heard that Hunter Pence Has Trouble With Sliding Glass Doors.

HHR has gotten a hold of exclusive footage of the episode.

Always gets his man.

He shows up every year around February. Like clockwork. As automatic as the mailman or the Pirates being out of the playoffs by July. Spending most of the winter months nestled deep in his hole, his emergence is covered by major news outlet across the US. What will his prediction be this year? Will it be a prosperous spring? Or will some still experience a dark, dreary outlook for the weeks and months to come. Only he knows. Punxsutawney Phil? My ass. This guy is more important and has a nicer head of hair.

Mel Kiper Jr. And his prediction is this...10 more weeks till the NFL Draft.

Mel has been popping up everywhere. He loves this time of year. The days get a little longer. They don’t seem as dreary. He shows up on ESPN radio, in Internet columns and newspaper clippings. With his car salesman smile and Johnny Fontaine charm, he holds in his hand the information that every team shells out countless of dollars to obtain.

With the NFL combines starting tomorrow, this is Mel’s bread and butter time. This is how he makes his living. Months of tape watching, scouting, reporting, and eavesdropping come down to a day of mass hysteria.

Listening to him talk up the intangibles of Darren McFadden on a recent radio spot, I started to wonder: How the hell does he know all this? Better yet, how does he remember? This isn't the NFL where you have to remember 32 teams of 50-60 players. He is forced to stay abreast on hundreds and hundreds of Division I-III players. I am not naive to think that he doesn't prep himself before every appearance, but he speaks off the cuff about random players in such a matter-of-fact fashion you would think he has 24 hour surveillance around their homes.

I searched online and found little information about the draft day guru. His bio is available on ESPN.com. Here is what I found:

Kiper is president of Draft Publications Inc., which he founded in 1981 while in college. It is responsible for all aspects of two annual publications: NFL Draft Report and Draft Preview.."

That fact astounds me. During college I found it impossible to attend two classes on the same day, and Mel is starting a business and compiling college football stat information. If I hadn’t concentrated so much on beer pong and getting, maybe things could have turned out different.

Mel Kiper Jr. has served as expert analyst for ESPN's annual NFL Draft coverage since 1984, providing in-depth information on the nation's most talented collegiate football players.

So he starts a company and three years later he is giving expert analysis on ESPN? Granted ESPN wasn't the sports information juggernaut it is today, but still that's impressive. Unless, it was easy to get a gig with an upstart 24 hours a day sports cable station. I want to interview the guy who hired him. "Well Mel showed up with a big book of stats he put together so we figured let's just put him on the air. If things didn't go well, we had Diamond David Lee Roth backstage. He just got booted from Van Halen, but he appealed to the younger demo."

His pre-draft predictions are frequently the most accurate in the business, often as much as 80 percent correct on first-round selections.

80% of the time? I’ll need some pie charts and back-up data on that statement. (I think this bio is getting a bit slanted in Mel’s favor.)

His continuous, yearlong research is aided by an office equipped with satellite dishes allowing him to pick up 20 to 25 college games each week.

Why am I picturing Mel in the Batcave, with a butler named Alfred making him Latte Shooters with a Red Bull chaser to keep him coherent for Nevada at Hawaii.

Mel's hair is made entirely of black licorice and shellacked with Minwax for that all day shine.

Ok, I made that up.

Another interesting note that ESPN omitted; Mel got into his personal life on the radio once and discussed some of his more peculiar habits. Among them, he eats pumpkin pie for breakfast every morning. True story.

Anyway. Welcome back Mel. We missed you.

WREX-TV reports that on Saturday, February 23, former Chicago Bear and Four Horseman Steve "Mongo" McMichael will be taking on former Green Bay Packers defensive back Sammy Walker in a kickboxing match at something called the "Rockford Rumble."

Mongo's not holding back any punches: "I have to explain this all the time to Bears fans in Chicago who are disgruntled that I went to Green Bay my last year. I'll explain it to you like this, my whole career, I was 16-6 against the Packers, so I whipped them right. And in my last year, I went up there on my last leg, stole their money. whipped them again. That's how I feel about the Packers."

Then again, he's no stranger to fighting words. Here he is with ex-wife (and Stone Cold ex/punching bag) Debra and former stable-mate, the infamous Crippler Chris Benoit. If that's the company he keeps, Walker better watch his ass.



Apparently, Mongo coaches in something called the "Continental Indoor Football League (CIFL)" for something called the "Chicago Slaughter."

Mongo added, "There's three reasons I'm doing this. One, you see this logo right here. We're going to be playing the Rock River Raptors this year in the CIFL league right here in this stadium. Whoop some more butt then. That's the first one. The second one is, they didn't call me Mongo for nothing. I like to whoop some butt. The third reason is, everybody congratulate me, yesterday was my three year old little girls birthday."

Apparently, Mongo is heavily inspired by "butt" and picks fights to celebrate his three year old girl's birthday. What a dad!

H/T: PackersNews.com

Did you know?

An article today in the Philly Inquirer points out that Pat Burrell is only the third player in Phillies history to hit 20 or more homers in seven straight seasons (joining Mike Schmidt and Bobby Abreu). His 218 career homers are fifth in franchise history. And he has had 95 or more RBIs in each of the last three seasons. He is also one of "four position players, joining J.D. Drew, Adrian Beltre and Eric Chavez, who have contracts of $50 million or more and never made an all-star team."

For Phillies phans, the career of Pat Burrell in a Philadelphia has been that of an enigma. In 2002, his second full year in the majors, many fans, including myself, saw him as our city's next superstar. His accolades and numbers against the hated Mets remains among the greatest in the sport. Despite his upside, his long homerun swing has seen many more whiffs than dingers. On a team with 3 perennial MVP candidates in Utley, Howard and Rollins, and potential Cy Young mainstay Hamels, fans have grown weary of the "Bat's" underachieving. Yet, in the wake of their historic rise to division champions last year, Burrell's production and enthusiasm reignited the team, and fan base.

Despite efforts by management to move him and his hefty contract, and fans' efforts to run him out of town, Burrell remains as much a part of the Phillies re-emergence as playoff contenders than ever. The hope that he will regain his early promise lingers. A holdover from the overpaid, deadweight days of Abreu, Bell and company, I never thought we'd still see him in red and white, none the less the National League given his injury problems and defensive liability.

Burrell has arguably been booed and criticized as much as any athlete in the city's history. Still, he likes it here, and as the article referenced above points out, wants to remain a Philadelphia Phillie. That makes him sound more a machine than man, but, in a sense, that's admirable. When "superstars" like Wagner and Rolen couldn't wait to bolt and couldn't handle the rigors of playing in the City of Brotherly Love, Pat still yearns to win us over, and more importantly win us a championship.

We, like many, have been critical of him. But just like any baseball fan around this time of year, we have hope that this year will be different. That this is our year. This is Pat's year. God willing.

Said Burrell in the Inq piece,"Any time you deal with adversity and go through personally some of the things I have in this game, you have two choices. You can let it beat you up, or you can build from it and go forward. Because of that you become stronger. I believe I'm not only a better player, but a better person - definitely more understanding. Sometimes you feel like you're all alone out there, but everybody that played long enough has been through times when things aren't going right."

Things haven't been right for sometime, both in his game and in our relationship as fans with Pat. Maybe this year we can both make amends.

Loyal reader and fellow Card fan Neil had tickets for last night's Louisville v. Syracuse game at Freedom Hall. Since we have a couple other Card fans who visit HHR, along with some Syracuse fans, ol' Rev put together a running diary of last night's events at the Hall:

Pregame: Neil and I wait in line for a beer. A $4.75, 16 oz. beer. Folks, that's a steal. Not only does it make the game enjoyable, but it's help turn Louisville into one of the most profitable athletic programs in the country.

This is they seven o'clock game, so I'm thinking we'll have an A-list announcing crew. And I'm right - Bill Raftery is in the house. It's too bad I'm not watching at home because I love his commentary.

Tipoff: The Cards and 'Cuse come on the court for the tip. Damn, 'Cuse looks big ... that's a whole lot of orange-colored fabric out there ...

20:00: ... and 'Cuse wins the tip. They pump the ball into the middle, but blow a bunny layup. Cards on the break - and promptly Earl Clark records the first bucket of the game. 2-0 Cards.

18:30: The Cards defense looks good in the halfcourt, forcing a confused offensive possesion by the Orange. Cards come down the court, and its .... THREEEEE, Mc GEEEEE!!!! 5-0 Cards.

17:59: Jim Boeheim has that bad seafood look on his face, hands on his hips. Hoping that look continues for another 35 minutes or so.

17:22: Syracuse scores in the halfcourt, but promptly yields another Andre McGee three at the other end. 8-2 Cards.

17:10: Dontae Green has the answer - 3 for Syracuse. Let's hope he doesn't explode tonight. 8-5 Cards.

16:13: The home crowd is still filing into Freedom Hall. For a nationally televised game and first place in the Big East on the line, I'm surprised by the relative lack of passion or concern.

15:45: Syracuse goes to the line and hits a free throw. 8-6 Cards.

We go to the under-16 timeout and the cheerleaders start to go crazy, throwing T-shirts into the crowd emblazoned with the logo of a local grocery chain. For a home crowd not that interested in the game, people are clawing for these cheap T-shirts they'll probably never wear. Never ceases to amaze.

15:15: Syracuse breaks the Louisville press, get an easy dunk - and a foul on David Padgett! Free throw good, 9-8 'Cuse.

14:59: Derrick Caracter enters the game for Louisville. He looks like a refrigerator. Seriously, wheel this guy in on a dolly. Still no help, 'Cuse scores again - 11-8 'Cuse.

14:34: THREEEEEE, SO-SA!!!!! We're tied at 11.

12:30: During a time-out, we're encouraged to visit rickpitino.com. Probably a whole site devoted to media double-speak and fashion tips on how to wear white linen suits on national TV. Cult of personality is alive and well in Kentucky.

11:11: Sloppy game to this point - neither team seems to know what they're doing out there, so mercifully we go to the under-12 timeout.

Unfortunately, during the under-12, we learn during a public service announcement that 41% of all babies born in Kentucky are born to unwed mothers. I am flabbergasted.

Kentucky. Doing our best to bring the third-world to America.

10:35: The refs blow an obvious goal-tending call against Syracuse. Pitino explodes off the bench, waving his arms like an electrocuted madman to no avail. The Orange extend their lead to 17-14.

9:00: Three-point specialist Will Scott enters the game for the Cards. He promptly misses a 3 to tie the game. Since he's worthless on D, Syracuse is now playing 5 on 4 in the halfcourt.

8:10: Syracuse brings the ball up against the Louisville press with obvious difficulty, alternately carrying the ball and portraying some form of the Olympic triple-jump across the halfcourt stripe. Neil senses a Big East officiating conspiracy; I concur.

5:45: Great sequence: Caracter gets a tough rebound in traffic and puts the ball back up for 2. The Cards press rachets up a notch, forcing a 10 second violation against the Orange. DC closes it off with another putback, putting the Cards on top 22-20.

Coach Boeheim has that sour look on his face again. Timeout, Syracuse.

4:14: UofL's press is still causing major problems for the Orange. They barely get it across halfcourt, and then kick the ball around in the halfcourt for a shot clock violation.

2:56: The Cards are collecting a lot of small change fouls, keeping the Orange within striking distance. 2 'Cuse FT's are good, 24-22 Cards.

2:04: And in a recurring theme, it's another Louisville foul and Syracuse trip to the line. Two more FT's tie the game at 24. In all, Syracuse has shot 13 out of 17 from the line in the half. It's beginning to look like one of those terribly officiated Duke vs. anyone-in-the-ACC games.

49.4: Finally, a foul against SU and a well-deserved Bronx cheer for the refs. Juan Palacios hits two FT's for the Cards, putting the home team up 26-24.

20.0: But the good times don't last - Paul Harris comes back down the court to answer for the Orange with a 2 of his own. Jerry Smith misses a shot at the buzzer, and the teams go into halftime tied at 26 a piece.

Halftime: Freedom Hall is one of the great college basketball arenas in the country and a great place to watch a game (see $4.75 beers earlier). However, it is over 50 years old and definitely showing its age.

And like any good arena built in the 50's, it seems like it has exactly two restrooms, one on either side of the facility. All the desperate looks on the faces around me, it looks like a UN refugee camp trying to break through the gates here.

It takes a good 15 minutes to get through the restroom because apparently everyone else has discovered the $4.75 beers. I wouldn't dwell on the restroom story other than to note that as I am walking out, some brave soul with a blue "I AM WILDCAT" shirt comes walking in. Judging by the reception he receives, I'm assuming a fistfight is about 0.3 seconds away from taking place.

... Back to the Game: We open the second half with more of the same sloppy play with missed shots on both ends. Seriously, both teams must be shooting below 20% for the game. Not good.

16:30: After a made bucket by UL, Jerry Smith hits a three for for the Cards. The lead is 31-26. Freedom Hall is starting to shake ... and we get our first big C-A-R-D-S cheer of the night! The 'Cuse better not let this thing get out of hand.

16:15: Spoke too soon - Paul Harris drives against Padgett, scores the bucket and gets fouled. Just when it looked like the Cards might be making their run, we're back to a two-point game, 31-29.

13:30: U of L's press continues to cause problems for the Orange - they look like they're playing way faster than they want to. Cards keep scoring, extending their lead to 41-36. Paul Harris looks frustrated - off comes the orange headband.

11:55: It's the Louisville Lady Lacrosse team! And they have t-shirts for the crowd! Seriously, I give the U of L athletic department a lot of credit for helping to clothe thousands of Kentuckians tonight.

11:30: Caracter forces a Syracuse turnover at halfcourt! He throws it right to ... ugh, Syracuse guard Jonny Flynn who calmy buries a three from Reggie Miller's tittie. It's 41-39. It's beginning to look like upset city on Big Monday.

10:00: Cardinal freshman Preston Knowles enters the game. He hounds Flynn into a 'Cuse turnover, passes ahead to Edgar Sosa ... and buries a three of his own! After two free throws the previous trip, the lead is back to 46-40.

8:30: Highlight of the evening: Terrence Williams breaks out down the left wing, crosses over to the right, and throws down monstrous dunk over Dontae Green in transition! That one is definitely going up on the top ten plays of the night. Grown men are jumping out of their seats as Freedom Hall gets as loud as it has been all night. Boeheim quickly calls for a timeout, but this place is rocking.



8:29: C-A-R-D-S! C-A-R-D-S! C-A-R-D-S!

7:00: Referee Jim Burr whistles Derrick Caracter for a foul 30' away from the play. The boo birds have returned for the referees. Meanwhile, Syracuse has rebounded from the mental shellacking of the Williams dunk and trimmed the lead to 50-44.

5:30: Greg Paulus must be wearing a Syracuse jersey tonight, because the Orange defender just flopped pathetically just like the esteemed and aforementioned Duke "actor". Jerry Smith gets whistled for a charge, easily the worst call of the night. Referree Jim Burr doing his best to keep this game close. He needs a security escort out of this place tonight.

3:45: Caracter gets dunked on inside. Coach Boeheim nods approvingly. It's 52-48, and I'm officially nervous. I tell the Syracuse fan in front of me that I'm glad Gerry McNamara no longer has any eligibility. He laughs maniacally. Pitino calls a timeout. We need a play.

3:37: The play doesn't work. 'Cuse scores again, 52-50. Bad thoughts are running through my mind.

1:30: The Cards come down in the halfcourt and work the ball around the Orange zone. Terrence Williams is open on the baseline from 12 feet ... and he buries it! A sigh of relief from the crowd, 54-50 Cards.

0.50: Now a steal! Cards come up court, go inside out ... and find a wide open Andre McGee for three!!! 57-50, and that's the ballgame!

33.9: Syracuse hurriedly runs it up court, loses the ball, and Jerry Smith coasts in for an uncontested dunk. Cards up, 59-50!

13.1: Apparently realizing the line on the game is UofL -10, Syracuse hands another gift turnover to the Cards, and it's another Jerry Smith dunk. Now 61-50. The miraculous 9-0 run has saved the game and covered the line. A lot of red-clad people are very happy in here.

Next up, Cards at Pittsburgh. See you all on Sunday afternoon.

Arlen Specter was on WIP this afternoon with Steve and the Cuz. He called to defend his "pursuit" of justice against the NFL, Commissioner Goodell and the tainted New England Patriots.

For the record, I still don't quite understand why people take such issue with his going after admitted cheaters. Steve and Cuz try to differentiate the "Spygate" issue from the Mitchell Report by noting that in "Spygate" no federal law was broken - so why should the federal government get involved? Sen. Specter cites the "Industrial Espionage Act of 1996" could have potentially been violated - the federal statute forbidding theft of trade secrets - and also noted the NFL's Anti-Trust exemption.

A great point that he brings up in light of the Patriots' fining by the league is that Goodell imposed the penalty before getting the notes and evidence to know the extent of the cheating.

While people criticize the Senator, noting he should have better things to do than go after the NFL, Specter noted that all he has done in this case is meet with the Commissioner, write a few letters and call a few talk radio shows, a drop in the bucket in his everyday schedule.

The hosts hit the Senator hard, and for an octogenarian, to his credit, he was a spry and sharp old man.

Here' 10 minutes of clipped audio. Specter gets cut off at the end, but the relevant parts are included.

ESPN's Jeff Pearlman opened his piece on white rapper-turned-baseball historian Pete Nice with the following quip:

Because he is well versed in the two disparate worlds, the question directed toward Peter Nash seems an intriguing one: Vanilla Ice or Roger Clemens -- who's the bigger fraud?

While Nice's group, 3rd Bass, was notoriously anti-Ice, I almost thought he was going to go for the Rocket,"It's so amazing that someone with a two-decade career and that record of excellence now might as well be Mark Fidrych. I mean, what's left of Clemens' legacy?" But alas, Roger, don't worry. You're still a step above Rob Van Winkle, at least in Nice's eyes, "That's a tough one. But even with the juice, I guess I'll have to pick Ice. I just didn't like his style."

While I am not really sure the actual purpose of the piece itself, it is none the less interesting. It really isn't new news that Nice, real name Peter Nash, is a baseball history buff.

For those of you more interested in his baseball research as opposed to his music, Pearlman points out some of his work available for purchase:

• Baseball Legends of Brooklyn's Green-Wood Cemetery
• Boston's Royal Rooters
• Rooters: The Birth of Red Sox Nation (DVD)

As for me, I was more an MC Serch guy and I am still waiting for the return of Ego Trip's (White) Rapper Show. I got my hopes up during the writers strike, only to be disappointed.

You're my boy, $ham.

To commemorate Kimbo Slice dropping Tank Abbott flat on his face, we honor the greatest face flopper of all time. Wooooo!









And for good measure...

Well, did y'all watch it? This year's Daytona 500 was one heck of a race. Hopefully you tuned in somewhere between lap 150 and lap 200, when I don't know if I sat down at all. But if you were unfortunate to tune into the first 150 laps, you might have been better off watching grass grow. What a bore the start of the race was . . .

The fun all started with a debris caution on lap 150 if you can believe it. And then the old adage "cautions breed cautions" took full effect. Through lap 150, there was 1 caution. In the last 50 laps of the race, there were six!

And every time the yellow flag flew, it seemed like there was something crazy happening. From the defending champion wrecking on the back stretch to JR's inexplicable decision to stay out not just once, but twice, it was bonified insanity.

With a belly full of hot wings and cheese fries, I spent the last hour or so of the race, hooting and a hollering at the TV with Payne and the idiot. We had "the box" set-up so that we could avoid jumping on (and destroying) the coffee table when one of our boys had to maneuver through a wreck. I would recommend this to any sports fans prone to jumping on furniture in moments of sheer panic or excitement. Unlike the Amp energy drink (sorry June-bug), this proved to a brilliant idea for the afternoon.

In the end my boy didn't win, but he did come away with a top 10, and leaves Daytona 8th in points. Not a bad showing to begin the HMS era. And while Smoke came up short yet again in the 500, I'm just glad that no talent clown teammate of his didn't win. Just like TLC said, "I don't want no shrub" (or something like that).

I'd rank this year's 500 at about an 8.5. Wasn't as exciting a finish as last year or 2004, but the last 50 laps kept me on my feet.

Next Week: Off to California, a 2 mile intermediate track that in the past hasn't given us near the excitement of Daytona. Handling will be important, but this track is more about speed and endurance. Like this past week, this will be the first race with the newly designed COT at this track. Hopefully it'll give us some exciting side by side racing once again.

Y'all come back now, hear?

-posted by Rusty

From the Big League Stew section of Yahoo! Sports

Separated at Birth?

That sounds like an awesome idea for a running column. We should try that. Maybe have a catchy name and a logo on our page that links to them all.

Nah, it will never catch on.

Our buddy Illuminati over at phillyBurbs.com got an interview with Will Leitch.

Check it out here.

Not sure how he swung that. He gets to talk to Leitch and I can't get the lady at Dunkin Donuts to talk to me long enough to explain that donuts help me think and I am sorry if she only made three dozen Boston Creme this morning. PUT THEM ALL IN A BAG! I am a god damn paying customer! You think this body just happens?



Don't let her fool you.

Penske's Ryan Newman held off Joe Gibbs racing and the HandrickMotor Sports Evil Empire with a last minute assist from teammate KurtBush . The win gave Penske its first Daytona win in 24 years, andNewman his first in 81 races in over more than two years.Let's take a look at how some of the papers around the country aredocumenting the event.

This is Kimbo Slice. I just found out about him today by reading his fight recap against Tank Abbott by our buddy Eric G over at The Camel Clutch.

I am interested in the man for two reasons. First, he knocked out Abbott in 43 seconds. I've hated Abbott since his 'wrestling is fake' WCW days where he claimed to be a tough SOB while getting paid to dance with a boy band and lose to David Arquette.

The second reason is because this man scares the shit out of me. He is the guy who chases you in a nightmare where you can't seem to run fast and no matter where you go he is right behind you. But for some reason this is a good thing for me. I've only been scared of one other person on this level. I was ten years old and the guy's name was Mike Tyson. He knocked people out in less than a minute. I'd watch every one of his fights on HBO with my dad and we'd cheer as Tyson hit people so hard their knees would buckle. I could never fall asleep after his fights. I don't know if it was adrenaline from the boxing or because my dreams after a Tyson fight involved him punching me until my head fell off. After Tyson finally lost to Buster Douglas I never watched another professional fight again. He wasn't someone to be scared of anymore.

I've slowly been paying more attention to MMA with it's increased TV exposure and mainstream marketing of some of it's top stars. The only sticking point for me was that ever competitor seemed almost the same. They were the guy at the bar who was praying someone spilled a drink on them.

Then I saw this monster and changed my mind. He looks like he enjoys pain. He might chew on thumbtacks for giggles. It wouldn't surprise me if he purposely dropped weights on his foot to toughen himself up. I am positive he eats midgets.

Kimbo Slice has me interested in MMA now. I might never sleep again.

From our friend Scrap over at on205th...

The 22 Worst Dunks Ever

This is my favorite.



Not the worst of the bunch but it's Mrs. Eva Longoria which makes it almost as good as ummmm....



That.

ESPN Classic today had an NBA All-Star marathon on. I just happened to flip through during the 1998 game, only to see Jayson Williams owning the boards as if they were a rented limo driver. He'd then kick it out to Timmy Hardaway who'd gracefully sweep down the floor like a pretty little ballerina.

The degenerate names that were mentioned on the East/West squads would make the Mean Machine look wholesome and comprised of law-abiding citizens. Sure, Duncan, Garnett & the Admiral skew things a bit towards positivity, but even they couldn't polish the turd that was the 1998 NBA All-Star game (thanks to its respective rosters).

Let's take a look at some of the outstanding life and career accomplishments of '98's finest. We have adulterers, wife-beaters, alcoholics and accused rapists, just to name a few. What better place to feature such degenerates than New York City!

CLE Shawn Kemp - Fornicator & Father of 13.
DET Grant Hill - Stars in a Nickelback video.
ATL Dikembe Mutombo - Gold Club patron.
CHI Michael Jordan - Degenerate gambler, adulterer, divorcee.
ORL Anfernee Hardaway - "Li'l Penny" lives in his pants.
MIA Tim Hardaway - Homophobe.
NJN Jayson Williams - Killer.
IND Rik Smits - Freaky, deaky Dutch.
IND Reggie Miller - Titty Lover.
CHA Glen Rice - Beats up men who hide in his wife's closet.
ATL Steve Smith - All World wide receiver.
BOS Antoine Walker - Ballooned to 3 bills.


UTA Karl Malone - Hits on teammates' wives.
MIN Kevin Garnett - Didn't even attend college; has his own initials tattooed (in case he forgets).
LAL Shaquille O'Neal - Union scab (2000).
LAL Kobe Bryant - Accused Rapist.
SEA Gary Payton - Poor Sportsman.
SEA Vin Baker - Alcoholic Over-eater.
LAL Eddie Jones - Career Second/Third Fiddle.
SAS David Robinson - Haier Shooting Star champion.
SAC Mitch Richmond - NBA Live legacy will outlive NBA legacy.
PHX Jason Kidd - Wife Beater.
SAS Tim Duncan - Tarnishes a well-respected referee with condescending smirk.
LAL Nick Van Exel - Ugly.

And by home, I mean the clink.

Don't you worry about a thing.

AP: Bills receiver Parrish arrested, charged with DUI

MIAMI BEACH, Fla. -- Buffalo Bills receiver Roscoe Parrish was arrested on a charge of driving under the influence, police said.

Parrish was stopped at 4:30 a.m. on Saturday, said Miami Beach Police Department spokesman Juan Sanchez. Parrish was driving a 2005 Bentley westbound on MacArthur Causeway, which connects Miami Beach to the mainland.

Sanchez said Parrish was taken into custody on a DUI charge. A Miami-Dade County jail spokeswoman said he was released later Saturday on $1,000 bond.

Parrish, 25, went to high school and college in Miami. He was a second-round pick of the Bills in 2005.

It was not immediately known whether he had a lawyer. Calls and e-mail messages sent to KCB Sports Marketing, which represents Parrish, were not immediately returned.

It's bad enough he's DUIing, but he's DUIing in a Bentley. Why does Roscoe Parrish have a Bentley? Why can't these dude bring themselves to call a cab? Or rent a driver? He can afford a Bentley but not a driver.

Clearly, Parrish was simply initiating himself into the prestigious Miami Hurricane Incarceration Club. It is a real brotherhood down there in South Florida.

Sir Charles by far stole the show last night on the announcer end - until Reggie Miller attempted to clarify and justify his love of the "titty."



That's almost as precious as Dikembe "Who Wants to Sex" Mutombo's reaction after every dunk.

MTV's Making the Band: Menudo.

That picture has nothing to do with this post. I just found it funny.

Anyway, from the NY Post...

STUDY CLAIMS JETER IS WORST FIELDING SHORTSTOP IN BASEBALL

Allow me to get all Mose Schrute on this article for a moment.

How's this for junk science - even with three Gold Gloves, Yankees captain Derek Jeter has been labeled the worst fielding shortstop in baseball.

In other words, the Post thinks the study is crap, but it's a slow news day. And its not really about Jeter. There is a pay off, bare with us.

But the numbers prove it, researchers at the University of Pennsylvania said yesterday at a meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science, in (of course) Boston.

The American Association for the Advancement of Science at UPENN had nothing better to do but rank MLB shortstops? They got that Cancer thing all figured out, and chemistry is for douches, so they want to move on to bigger and cooler problems. Hey, Congress can talk baseball, why can't labcoated nerds?

Using a complex statistical method, researchers concluded that Alex Rodriguez was one of the best shortstops in the game when he played for the Texas Rangers. When Rodriguez became a Yankee in 2004, he moved to third base while Jeter stayed at short.

You can see what's coming.

But that may have been a mistake, said Penn researcher Shane Jensen.

Wait for it.......

Researchers looked at every ball put in play from 2002 through 2005 and recorded where the shots went. Players were then ranked in each position from best to worst, with Mr. New York Baseball - Jeter - coming in dead last among major league shortstops during the research period. A-Rod, who won two Gold Gloves at short, was ranked No. 2

And there it is! Pitchers and catchers reported last week and the NY media needs to warm up too. Let the A-Rod/Jeter soap opera begin. Interesting data pool they are pulling from. 2002-2005. Three years. 1996-2001 when Jeter was probably at his statistical best but overshadowed by Omar Vizquel? They don't count for this study. Let's call them practice.

"The Yankees have one of the best defensive short stops playing out of position in deference to one of the worst defensive shortstops," said Jensen.

Oh and we are pretty sure the research showed A-Rod gave it to Jeter's mom in the brown-eye. And keyed his car after a home game against the Devil Rays. We can't be sure though.

But New Yorkers scoffed at the notion.

And on cue, here come the last people Yankee fans want speaking for them, or as I like to refer to them 'The Mike and the Mad Dog callers.'

"I don't know what they're smoking down at Penn," said Yankees fan Mike Birch, 32. "That's preposterous. I completely disagree. Jeter's a clutch player."

Never said he wasn't clutch, they said statistically Jeter wasn't...

"It's ridiculous," said fan Jay Ricker, 22. "Jeter is all-around awesome. He's better than A-Rod any day. Character has a lot to do with it. He's out there for his teammates, not just himself. He does it for the good of the team. That's the kind of guy you want on the field."

Wait I wasn't done...Ok fine. Know what is ridiculous? Using the term all-around awesome. Can someone be half awesome? Is that still a compliment? Oh and character, teammates, not for himself. Good qualities. Not researchable. The study was about fielding and ....nevermind. The New Yorker quotes go on and on....I'll paraphrase 'teammates, intangible, clutch hitting, bangs hot chicks, classy' and every other thing that makes Jeter so loved but have NOTHING to do with fielding.

My favorite quote goes to Frank Angelo who felt "Jeter's the captain, he was there before A-Rod," said Angelo.

Jeter was their first. Good enough reason for me.

But lets go over the top 3 according to the study. We know A-Rod was 2. Who was 1? Clint Barmes from Colorado. And number 3? Jason Bartlett of the Devil Rays. I'll take my chances with Jeter.

So did the Post really run this entire article to take some cheap shots at A-Rod and back the Captain? Could a major publication be that petty?

But as Yankee fan Brittnay Thompson, 32, said, it's about who's good in May, and who's good in October. "In big situations A-Rod drops the ball, no pun intended," said Thompson."

And scene.....

As the teams are introduced for the Haier Shooting Stars competition, I thought to myself, "Hey, that Becky Hammon is kind of cute for a WNBAer." Ariel pointed out that she looks like Liz Hasselbeck.


She is now my favorite WNBA player and HHR's official favorite woman's basketball player.

BJ Armstrong still looks 10-years old.

When did Bill Laimbeer blow up like a wood tick?

The former Detroit Bad Boy bears a striking resemblance to superfan David Puddy.

While the sophs hammered the rooks last night, Dunbar noticed the strong resemblance of Nets forward Sean Williams and Outkast's Andre 3000.


What's cooler than being cool? Ice cold.

Alright Alright Alright Alright Alright

Gisele will be just fine according to E!:

It hasn't all been champagne and catwalk bouquets for Brazilian babe Gisele Bündchen—she parted ways with Victoria's Secret last year, and boyfriend Tom Brady just suffered a dynasty-crushing defeat at the Super Bowl.

But you can all breathe easy, the supermodel is bouncing back!

I'm sure you are all relieved.

Tom's lost some weight this off-season.

There was an interesting article this morning in the Star Ledger (Newark, NJ) about the pre-combine training regimen of Rutgers record-setting running back Ray Rice at the Parisi Speed School in Fair Lawn, NJ.

Who is the guy cracking the whip on Rice, and honning his skills that will be under the microscope at the pre-draft workout? Earnest Byner, "the former NFL star."

Until 2 days ago, Byner was the Redskins' running backs coach before being replaced, not unexpectedly, by Stump Mitchell.

We are big Rice fans and want to see him do well at the next level, and by all means improve his draft status. The red flag that jumps in front of our face is the possible impropriety of having an NFL coach (who, while currently jobless, is likely to be picked up by another team) as your hands-on instructor. The article notes that Parisi has 20 players working out in advance of the Combine.

Hey, we don't fault the guy for making a living, but it just seems a little shady.

The article makes no mention of how long Byner's been involved with the Parisi Speed School, but a glance at the Redskins 2007 Media Guide indicates that he isn't the only one with connections to the school.

In strength and conditioning coach Harrison Benstein's profile is the following note: "After a couple of years, he pursued his passion for teaching athletes and became Assistant Managing Director for the Parisi Speed School in northern New Jersey."


To us, this looks like the Redskins, as well as possibly other teams, have an unfair advantage in not just evaluating, but more specifically, developing potential NFL talent.

While Belichick is rightfully vilified, St. Joe Gibbs and how many countless other coaches were/are using spy-like tactics to secure a competitive advantage?

We spend a lot of time on this site skewering athletes, coaches and their hangers-on for doing dumb things on- and off the court. We always get a big laugh out of it, and we hope you do to.

But as the sober voice of reason here at HHR, I felt it appropriate to take a break from the sarcasm – albeit, a short one – to draw some very well deserved attention to a person in the world of sports who continues to do all the right things and serves as an inspiration to many.

By now, many people have heard the story of Patrick Henry Hughes, a student at the University of Louisville and a member of the Cardinal marching band. Usually we wouldn’t spend too much time lauding the efforts of band members, but we definitely take a notable exception in Hughes’ case.

You see, Hughes is blind and confined to a wheelchair. Yet with the help of his father - who is also named Patrick - Hughes has been a full participant in the band, playing in the Cards’ halftime shows. It’s a truly remarkable story that has attracted media attention across the country.

Late last year, ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition came to Louisville and refitted the Hughes’ modest home to be completely wheelchair accessible. And while they were at it, they managed to add some other very nice cosmetic touches to the house, which you can see here.

Listening to Patrick speak, he would be the first to say that he doesn’t want or deserve all of the attention he has received over the past year. Yet in a sports media cycle dominated by headlines of athletes who cheat, selfish trade demands, sexual harassment suits, criminal arrests and the like, I - along with many others - continue to find his story inspiring.

I wouldn’t bring all of this up again but to mention that Patrick will be on Extreme Makeover again this weekend when the show airs Sunday at 8 p.m. Eastern. If you haven’t had the opportunity to hear his story, I strongly encourage you to watch the show this weekend.

Also, a special thanks to the Louisville Courier-Journal for their continuing focus on Patrick and the Hughes family. If you don’t get a chance to watch the show Sunday, I encourage you to read columnist Tom Dorsey piece in today’s edition of the C-J.

Dick Drago, best known for giving up the last of Hank Aaron's 755 career home runs, is sorely overlooked when ranking the best names in sports history.

Here he is, the pride of Bean Town.

Bonus points for having a pickle tickler that would put Harry Waxman to shame. Which leads us to believe he also was not afforded his just due in the by the AMI.

Yes, I am still cleaning my card collection out of my parents garage. It's tedious, but luckily I came across a little pick-me-up this time around, thanks to the 1991 Pro Set "Think About It" inserts.

Here's what they probably should have read...

Singletary: Practice: "Audition for your post-playing career as a coach."

Bennett: Disappointment: "Despite being the best team in football, you'll be forever known as a big fat loser."

Moon: Crack Kills: "DUI's tarnish your reputation."

Mann: Steroids Destroy: "Luckily there was insufficient testing when I played."

Photo: Orlando Sentinel

Well, the field is finally set for the 50th running of the great American race, the Daytona 500. This year's race should prove to be a very exciting event (especially for us JR fans).

Junior is 2 for 2 with Hendrick Motorsports. After dominating the Budweiser Shootout last Saturday night in his first win since May of 2006, Junior came from the rear of the field and drove his #88 HMS Chevy to another dominating win in the first of the Gatorade Duel 150's. I know that a full 500 mile race is a completely different animal, but if these two small events are a pre-cursor to this Sunday and this season, then daggum!!!!!

Meanwhile while JR's been tearing it up in the #88, it looks like Toyota's benefiting greatly from its association with JGR. Just a few short weeks ago, I predicted a big down year for JGR because of their association with Toyota. It's early, and they haven't gone real racing yet, but looks like I might be proved wrong. We'll see.

There is one thing I'm sure of, though. Sunday's race is going to be an awesome race. I hope all y'all have a chance to watch. Rusty's going to be heading out to the horse country with the Idiot and Payne to watch more than 35,000 horses race. Y'all enjoy, and I'll give you my thoughts on Monday.

So, y'all come back, now, hear?

For the backup quarterback lover in your life.

Note: This picture is much better viewed if done so with the linked video below playing in the background.

Also, for a look at Peter King's "Declaration of Love" to Brett, click here.

How juicy would they look in one of these?

Or this?

While much brouhaha has surrounded yesterday's circus in Congress, equally disturbing in relation to the sanctity of our sports is the revelation that came of Sen. Arlen Specter's meeting (yesterday as well) with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, which brought to light the fact that "from the time he became the Patriots' head coach in 2000 until the league slapped him with a $500,000," Patriots coach Bill Belichick has "routinely had the opponents' signals taped."

Initially, people were up in arms about Specter's meddling and perceived grandstanding in the "Spygate" affair. However, in our eyes there is little difference between the competitive advantages gained by cheating in any fashion - be it performing enhancing drugs or any other means.

As Fanhouse's Michael David Smith noted, "Specter also suggested that some of Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's success could have come from knowing what defense the opposing team was running."

Angelo Cataldi brought up a good point on WIP's morning show today. Like the premiss for Once Upon a Time in America, someone's life was stolen. Specifically, Brady's success inversely impacted that of Peyton Manning, whose Colts, not the NFC representative in the Super Bowl, were the front runners for the Lombardi Trophy. The dynasty that's associated with quarterbacking 3 of the last Super Bowls champions should have been Peyton's legacy.

While the last seven years have made Tom Brady a superstar and an icon, it was Peyton Manning who could have been knocking up Hollywood bombshells and dating super models.

So, Peyton, this is for you. A look at your life. At What Might Have Been.

I try not to think about what might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads

We can't go back again
There's no use givin in
And theres no way to know
What might have been

We can sit and talk about this all night long
And wonder why we didn't last
Yes, they might be the best days we will ever know
But we'll have to leave them in the past...

ON Monday, Fat Willard pointed out "MSM has an uncomfortable infatuation with Clemens' ass."

Reader PRing points out, that the Washington Post has joined the likes of Fox Sports & The Trentonian with their clever, derriere-related headline today:


A few of the first paragraphs are priceless:

At the invitation of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, the Rocket, a seven-time Cy Young winner, had come to Washington to testify about his role in baseball's steroids scandal. And lawmakers hit him where the sun doesn't shine.

"Just for the record, as I understand it, there was an injury on Mr. Clemens's buttocks," said Chairman Henry Waxman (D-Calif.), and "the injury was related to an injection."

Rep. Stephen Lynch (D-Mass.) wanted to know more about "the palpable mass on his buttocks."

Rep. Tom Davis (R-Va.), recalling that Clemens suffered "soreness," asked the witness: "Do you recall any bleeding through your pants in 2001?"

This one is a double-doosey.

Note the picture's caption: "Several House Republicans on the panel, such as Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.), didn't appear to think Roger Clemens was a bum."

According to TMZ and the Associated Press, John David's brother, former QB and current Fox "sportscaster" Josh Booty was arrested for a DUI this morning.

From TMZ:

Law enforcement sources tell TMZ Booty was taken to the Orange County Jail, where he was booked -- and that's when he went ballistic.

O.C. Sheriff's spokesperson Jim Amormino tell TMZ, "Booty was belligerent and uncooperative." Amormino says his deputies used a taser -- "less than lethal force" -- to contain him.

After being tased, Josh fell to the ground, hitting his head on the floor and cracking it open. He was taken to a hospital where he was stitched up.

Hopefully, someone can get a hold of the tasing vid.

The following commercial was forwarded to the CRitic for reasons that many would find obvious.

Gatorade jumped on the Eli and Giants bandwagon. I am surprised that they didn't take Nike and Reebok's route and focus on the Patriots missing the sacks rather than Eli breaking the tackles.



Did Trent Dilfer get this many advertising deals when the Ravens defense carried him to a Super Bowl victory? Or, are we finally seeing why Archie helped his boy throw a temper tantrum during the draft? New York media is like a lottery winner in a titty bar.

At first glance the commercial seems cliche with the music, but after visiting the website it is clear that the climatic chanting music is a theme for the League of Clutch, so I will cut them a break. The league also uses the increasingly popular moving photograph. Cool technology, I know Scott Baio is a fan.


I don't have many problems with the spot other than the fact that they are insinuating Eli Manning is consistently clutch. Sure that play was clutch, no doubt about it, but shouldn't there be a historical precedent in order for a professional athlete to join the league.

According to the website it currently includes Sharapova, Dwayne Wade and Manning...Peyton. No signs of Eli, not even in the coming soon section. It looks like Gatorade joined the league of companies scrambling to put together a commercial to knobjob Eli.

In an incident report filed by the Graves / 601 Hotel in Minneapolis, Richard Jefferson was on top of a club patron choking him and threatened to kick his ass.

According to the report obtained by TMZ:

Mr. Jefferson had been on top of Mr. Fox, with both hands on Mr. Fox's neck. Dan stated that it appeared that Mr. Jefferson had been choking Mr. Fox. Richard Jefferson quickly exited the club, at which point Dan asked him to wait a minute so they could all figure out what had happened. It was then that Mr. Jefferson verbally threatened Dan, stating that, "Say another word I will kick your ass.

TMZ says it was told by Minneapolis PD that Jefferson is under investigation for "assault for significant bodily harm," though no charges have yet been filed.

Deputy dumps paralyzed man out of wheelchair: Traffic violator says he assumes deputy did not believe he’s unable to stand.



This is absolutely appalling, but not uncommon.

HHR is looking into accusations that in 2007 a managerial type (for the sake of this column we will call him "Charlie Manuel") ran an employee ("Adam Eaton") out onto an elevated surface 30 times, knowing full well that "Eaton" could in no way perform the duties "Charlie" called upon him to execute.

The similarities are shocking. In the traffic case, victim Brian Sterner said, “My guess is that it had to do with frisking me. And I informed her at least two or three times that I couldn’t stand up because I was a quadriplegic.”

Speaking on the record with HHR, "Eaton" described his situation: “My guess is that it had to do with me pitching. And I informed him ["Charlie"] at least two or three times that I couldn’t because I suck.”

Everybody knows him, but no one knows his name. He is known only as the kid. His face has shown up on countless blogs and messages boards for over four years. Ladies and gentleman, Hugging Harold Reynolds presents and exclusive interview with....the middle finger kid.


HHR: So, first question. You are somewhat of a celebrity on the Internet. How has this.....
KID: OK HOLD ON. I gotta say something first.
HHR: oh sorry, I didn't...well go ahead...
KID: FIRST AND FOREMOST, I AM A YANKEES FAN...I ain't no Sox fan, no Ohio State fan. My mom paid GOOD FUCKING MONEY for that jacket and you Internet assholes with your photoshop went and screwed with my jacket.
HHR: Ok, fair enough. So, back to the question. How has this picture changed your life.
KID: It's been terrible. Everywhere I go it's 'hey, its the middle finger kid' or 'hey, give us the finger little guy.' And they all think they are the first one to ask me or recognize me.
HHR: Yeah, thats got to get to you a little. So, take us back to that day, what was happening at that moment.
KID: It was a beautiful day at the Stadium. The sun was shining. The subways were all running on time. Sox and Yankees. My dad was only 2 beers deep so he hadn't passed out or called me a mistake yet. We got to the ballpark early to get into Monument Park but the line was a friggin mile long from all those douche-bag Jersey wanna-be New Yorkers taking their sweet ass time and snapping 18 digital pictures of Babe Ruth's fat head...
HHR: Vivid picture, continue....
KID: We made our way to the third base side to sit down because when the game started some prick was gonna come and take our seats away and explain our seats were in the 400 section. We are on the visitors side and those homo Sox come out for warm-up. I am not really paying attention because this little broad with a tight ass Hannah Montana cut-off shimmies into the row next to us. She came from money, I could smell it. So I am staring at her, throwing her the vibe, and I don't even notice that chooch Man-Ram come trotting out into left field to warm up his arm worse than my sisters. My father notices I ain't paying attention and he tattoos a fresh one on the side of my face that I still feel every time I take a warm shower.
HHR: That's not face paint?
KID: Face paint? I wish. Then at least it would be the same shade as my ass for not getting him a free Jeter t-shirt at that outside stand while he got the guys attention.
HHR: oh....
KID: Anyway, after I come to, I see Manny and I am like 'Fuck you you fucking douche bag no talent prick. Go fake an injury you dumb homo.'
HHR: And where did you learn all this talk from? Your parents?
KID: Are you half an idiot? School of course. My parents. Thats funny.
HHR: Ok, well we've discussed the past, let's talk future. What's in store in 2008 for middle-finger kid.
KID: Well, I have a big spelling test this week, and then spring training starts in a couple weeks. My dad made some cash off a fake injury claim at work so we might be hitting a couple more games this season.
HHR: Well, that's great. That should wrap it up for us. Anything you want to say to all the readers.
KID: Yeah, ugh, LET'S GO YANKEES, RED SOX SUCK, 18-1 you shitheads. See you in April.
HHR: Adorable

Ariel discovered Beverly Hills 90210 on the Soap Channel. Woe is me. It did spark a question in my head: Why did Coach K give up on his acting career?

Roger is getting hammered by Waxman and close to going down in flames.

If only he had plead the 1, 2, 3, 4...Fiiiizzzif.

Find more videos like this on www.truveo.com.

NCAA: Sampson Misled IU About Calls

From this morning's Indianapolis Star:

"Indiana University men's basketball coach Kelvin Sampson "repeatedly" provided "false or misleading information" to the school and NCAA investigators, according to a list of five major violations the NCAA is alleging against IU."

One of our favorite features on this site is our Separated at Birth library.

We pride ourselves on keen, observational humor.

Today we want to dedicate a wing of our library to The Sports Hernia, which first made its appearance with the SaB of regional sideshow Joe Beningo.

To officially kick things off, we induct Hernia's Tony Siragusa & Roger "The Beaver" Clemens.

The Goose is loose! (And he still looks better than Kenny "Corky" Albert).

Speaking of Beningo, something just isn't right with him.

We had such a good time poking fun atthe Phillies giveaways, we decided to take a look at what the Nationals are offering. Family fun!

WASHINGTON NATIONALS 2008 PROMOTIONAL SCHEDULE
DATE; GIVEAWAY; SPONSOR; ELGIBILITY

Sunday, March 30; Curly W Lanyard; no sponsor; all fans - Who the hell is Curly W Lanyard?

"That'd be me."

Thursday, April 10; Schedule Magnet with Curly W Car Magnet; Coca-Cola; 20,000 ("I'm quite popular around here.")

Saturday, April 12; Car Flag; Geico; 20,000 (As if people in DC drove. Can you stick it out the Metro door?)

Wednesday, April 23; Jackie Robinson Day "White Guilt Night sponsored by the Congressional Black Caucus"

Tuesday, April 29; T-Shirt Tuesday; Tickets.com; 10,000 ("T-Bone Tuesday" honoring T-Bone Jenkins who hangs out and panhandles on the Orange & Blue lines was axed.)

Thursday, May 1; Dmitri Young Bobblehead; PNC Bank; 15,000 (Head bobbles like his wife's does when he smacks her around.)

Saturday, May 3; Salute to the Negro League; Homestead Grays vs. Homestead Grays (Much more exciting than Washington Nationals vs. Washington Nationals.)

Sunday, May 11; Mother's Day White Hat with Pink Curly W; Harris Teeter; 20,000 (Curly thinks pink is for sissies.)

Tuesday, May 20; T-Shirt Tuesday; Tickets.com; 10,000

Tuesday, June 3; T-Shirt Tuesday; Tickets.com; 10,000

Thursday, June 5; Ryan Zimmerman Bobblehead; PNC Bank; 15,000 (Sure to fetch $3 on eBay)

Tuesday, June 24; T-Shirt Tuesday; 10,000

Tuesday, July 8; T-Shirt Tuesday; Tickets.com; 10,000

Saturday, July 12; Hispanic Heritage Night (Are El Mets in town?)

Tuesday, July 29; T-Shirt Tuesday ; 10,000 "Let's hope Nick Johnson isn't on the DL by now night"

Tuesday, August 12; T-Shirt Tuesday; Tickets.com; 10,000

Tuesday, August 26; T-Shirt Tuesday; 10,000

Sunday, August 31; Kids Run the Show; The Washington Post

Tuesday, Sept 2; T-Shirt Tuesday; Tickets.com; 10,000

Wednesday, Sept 3; Roberto Clemente Day - "Let's set Paul LoDuca off Night." (post-game airshow deemed "inappropriate" by Curly.)

Tuesday, Sept 16; T-Shirt Tuesday; 10,000

Wednesday, Sept 17; Green Hat with White Curly W; Miller Lite; 20,000 (Half Way to St. Patty's Day fans 21 and older) - Inebriation encouraged.

Tuesday, Sept 23; T-Shirt Tuesday; 10,000

Thursday, Sept 25; Fan Appreciation Night - "Thanks for Bearing with Us Through Another Shitty Season Night"

Commodores rout Kentucky in historic fashion



They had them on the ropes with 'Easy' but once the horns sounded for 'Brickhouse', this fight was over.

While Ren and Willard whine about the loss of football, lack of baseball and yearn for a bowling surge, they blindly missed that the horse racing season has roared out of the starting gate.

The early Kentucky Derby preps have begun, and I have a slight tingling in my loins.

My “preseason” favorite Pyro made a Nell Carter cannonball splash in the Risen Star Stakes. Do yourself a solid and watch the replay. Kyra Sedgwick could learn a thing or two from this closer.

(www.imdb.com)

Pyro is trained by the Assman, the deserved trainer of the year (damn you Pletcher!), and workmate to the 2007 Horse of the Year Curlin. He has been the garfunkel to the undefeated War Pass who dominated the 2-year old scene.

Now as a 3-year old, Pyro took a step forward and will surely garner more attention as the derby approaches. Plus, he has the same name as an X-Men, how can you go wrong?

The derby prep season is young and many flavors of the week will have their time in the sun. HHR will be here to keep you abreast of the contenders so that you can win some cheddar on the first Saturday of May.

(www.marvel.com)

Howard Eskin is one of the most pompous, self-righteous radio hosts in the country, as well as a well-known apologist for franchises and players who provide him "access."

A caller on his show today noted that while listeners have been vocal about the miserable state of the NBA, that possibly this perception is due to the fact that the they are stuck watching the 76ers.

The caller mentioned that some of the exciting players in the league - Chris Paul, Dwight Howard and LeBron are giving the league its most promising play in the last decade. He noted that the 10 top teams in the West this year could rival some of the better teams over the last 10 years, and that upstarts like the Blazers show hope for an improved league in the future.

Of course, Eskin went on to belittle the caller. That's his shtick. He berated the top-10-team argument and proceeded to poke holes in some of the league's top players - Duncan is "boring" and LeBron "doesn't have a personality or character." At which time the caller noted that LeBron puts up a "triple-double every night" - obviously a slight exaggeration, but for a player averaging 30/7/7, not that far off. Well, Howard jumped all over this "hyperbole," insisting the guy is wrong and un-credible for this triple-double claim.

That's when, in an effort to get the final word, Eskin dropped a little hyperbole of his own: "The games all look the same and the players all look the same."

Here's the audio:

For a league pushing 80% African-American, Howard might as well have called it a league of "nappy-headed bros."

The players ALL look the same?

Eskin, well known for dropping a ghetto-laden accent on perceived black-sounding callers (or as he refers to them, "dawgs"), knows a thing or two about look-alikes.

What if we were to say that all red-headed, over-the-hill, bearded, Philadelphia drive- time sports talk show hosts who send flowers to depressed soon-to-be murdered housewives they meet on-line look like the Burger King? Would such generalizations be justified, dawg?

Thanks to Meech1 for help with the audio.

(Photo: SI/CNN)

Reports out of DC and Cincinnati say that disgruntled Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson is trying to force a trade to the Redskins.

What talent the Bengals could possibly covet on the Redskins roster remains to be seen. Because in trading with the ‘Skins, the Bengals would have to get something to keep pace with the hated Steelers and the much-improved Browns. Even Baltimore fired Brian Billick, so you know they are going to be better next year.

In other words, this trade will probably never happen in a million years.

Still, how could you blame Johnson for trying to force a trade to DC? It’s not like he would be forced to carry the load for the ‘Skins. They don’t do much offensively anyway, so any production Johnson could provide would be viewed as a net gain by the franchise.

Plus, think about the marketing and media exposure he could get in DC. Instead of hawking website registries to out-of-work northern Kentuckians, he could instantly be thrust out in front in the fast-paced and exciting world of used car sales:

Marissa Miller wasn't SI's first choice:


That's gotta be a real shot in the ass for Debbie...

ESPN: Gay turns to YouTube for All-Star dunk inspiration

"Hey, man.. look at that salt shaker, man. That is huge! Man, I'll never be able to use all that salt, man. That is way too much!"

Daily Mail via Drudge: Mini-muscleman: Meet the world's smallest bodybuilder

At just 2ft 9in, Indian muscleman Aditya 'Romeo' Dev is the world's smallest bodybuilder.

In a move that raised criticism and comparison to the "order given to the England football team to give a Nazi salute in Berlin in 1938," British athletes are "expected to follow the Olympic Charter, drawn up by the International Olympic Committee (IOC), which outlaws political acts."


According to The Daily Mail, "British Olympic chiefs are to force athletes to sign a contract promising not to speak out about China's appalling human rights record – or face being banned from traveling to Beijing." Athletes violating the agreement will be sent home.

As noted in the Chicago Tribune, US Olympic Committee spokesman Darryl Seibel said no "U.S. athlete would be reprimanded or censured for expressing a critical opinion about China's human rights record, so long as it is done in an appropriate setting. The code of conduct that 2008 U.S. Olympians will sign asks them only to respect the terms of the Olympic Charter."

Said Sibel, "We will not prohibit free speech, but in speaking with our athletes, most seem to feel it would be highly inappropriate to use the Games as a forum to make a political statement."

Rule 51 (3) of the Olympic Charter says, "No kind of demonstration or political, religious or racial propaganda is permitted in any Olympic sites, venues, or other areas." In layman's terms, athletes can say, do and wear what they please, so long as it is not done in Olympic Village.

British human rights activists and athletes alike are torn.

From the Daily Mail piece: Darren Campbell, Olympic relay gold winner at the 2004 Games in Athens, said the BOA's move would “heap extra pressure on athletes”. But he added: “We are there to represent our country in sporting terms, just as our Army do when they go off to war. It is not supposed to be about politics.”

While we often on this site criticize athletes and celebrities alike for the vocal, and sometimes misinformed, political advocacy, we recognize that there are few global forums that match the Olympic games for its international exposure. And certainly there is a precedence for athletes and competing nations using the Games to shed light on international social injustices.

In addition to the 1938 incident (the Games in which Jesse Owens took home 4 golds with Hitler looking on), past Olympic political "defiance" includes the 1980 boycott of the Moscow games in protest at the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, and Tommie Smith and John Carlos' black power salute in Mexico City, which resulted in each's suspension.


While athletes themselves may be gagged at the Beijing Olympics, the threat of censorship itself will certainly elevate public consciousness of issues surrounding the Chinese government, as well as other relevant issues across the globe.

Not in first place? No foul for you.

What a terrible end to an otherwise hard-fought game.

As Monday's Georgetown-Villanova tilt at the Verizon Center entered its final moments - any by final moments, I mean 0.1 seconds left in regulation - the teams were tied at 53. That is, until Georgetown guard Jonathan Wallace was brushed by a Villanova defender during a loose ball scramble and granted a miraculous foul some 80 feet from his own basket.

Wallace, Georgetown's best free throw shooter, of course iced the game, sending Nova to their 6th loss in their past 7 conference games.

In a league where the refs view WWE-style takedowns around the basket as sound, fundamental basketball, this particular call was, as Bill Raftery would say, "a nickel-dimer".

In fact, I think he did.

Big East basketball. Excellence in officiating on display nightly at 7.

I think the Rocket's backside gets more media attention then it should.

The latest to get on Clemens' ass is Jason Whitlock. He feels Clemens is lying about his steriod use not for himself but for his legion of fans/butt-kissers. Roger doesn't care about ruining the name of Roger Clemens, he cares more about ruining the legend of 'The Rocket.' A solid, and possibly valid, point.

Whitlock could have ended his argument there...but he took it one step further. He compared Clemens to a crackhead..named Pookie.

It took video evidence to get former Washington, D.C., mayor Marion Barry to admit he hit the pipe and 14,000 text messages for Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick to acknowledge he hit his fine-ass chief of staff. And you think Roger "Pookie" Clemens is going to crack because Brian McNamee has a couple of pictures, a few dirty syringes and blood-stained gauze? Hell, Monica Lewinsky had the president's happy ending splattered on her favorite Sunday dress and Clinton never copped.

It's for articles like this that I both admire Jason Whitlock for his honesty and candor and think he is batshit crazy. Other snippets from Whitlock's piece include the terms 'crackhead, happy ending, rear-ending Roger and his wife, and puncturing Debbie Clemens' firm booty.'

Crackhead? Happy Ending? Isn't FOX Sports a family website? I expect talk like this from the Trentonian but not from a member of the FOX family.

Doesn't He Already Have One?

AP: Bill Clinton Campaigns for Wife in Louisiana

These girls just might be a little young for you, Mr. President.

Photo: poonsec.blogspot.com

AP: Habs' O'Byrne, Kostopoulos arrested

Moments ago, Hugging Harold Reynolds was graced by the presence of visitor #100,000, a short 8 months to the day after we posted our first entry. Congratulations, Mr. Anonymous from Houston, TX.

Look for a few things from the site in the next few weeks, including a new design and look.

In the meantime, thanks again to all our faithful readers and friends.

"Homerun King Mark McGuire" (with his andro) is a very special guest of the nWo's Big Bad Booty Daddy Scott Steiner, and admits he could never hit 70 homeruns without PED "help."

Who's ready to "bake?"

What do you do when the Rock 'N Jock well runs dry?

Ex-VH1 Exec Gives Coolio An Online Cooking Show

Quite an educational piece, the video highlights the lyrical gangsta "Bout to teach you ass how to cook" and "how to make a salad to get the panties right off," guaranteed to be "betta than yo mama's titty."

He's even got himself a Emeril Lagasse /Richard Prior-inspired catchphrase: "Shaka Zulu, Mother F*cka!"

Meanwhile, the HHR staff debates what was better Rock 'N Jock hoops or softball.

Ariel comes up with the best argument:

"The softball ones were way better. What's his face.... Roger McDowell, would always pitch with like a coconut bra on or some stupid shit like that. And Dan Cortez always came out for that one."

Only to have Willard counter:

If you are into that sophomoric humor. It just always seemed like a blowout...basketball was at least close. Remember Flea's three pointer to end the game??????"

(About 5 Minutes).

Fat Willard: Put on the Grammy's...Morris Day and the Mutha-effin' Time!

Ren: Oh-e-oh-e-oh. Where the hell did that come from?

Fat Willard: Hasn't lost a step. No joke, the song started and the pre-wife jumped up, excited as hell, "IS THIS EVERYBODY WALK THE DINOSAUR????" We broke up.

Ren: Don't you never say an unkind word about the Time! Me and Fat Willard modeled our whole f*cking lives around Morris Day and Jerome. I'm a smooth pimp who loves the p*ssy. And Tubby here is my black man servant. What?

Photo: Todd Brown/MTV News

Ren: Ariel just said, "That's 'Was (Not Was)'"

Fat Willard: Yes it was. (Not was). Is this the scarecrow dancing? Looks like she is wearing a bail of hay.


Ren: Ahhh breakdancing. Love the Headspin. Let's see the nickel. Where's Turbo and Ozone?

Fat Willad: He got that suit at the Burlington Center Mall. Prato's.


Ren: Learned the moves on Soul Line.

---

Ren: They are honoring The Band with a lifetime achievement awards? I mean I like The Band. But "redefined music?"

Fat Willard: Yes, its the first dumb name in music - "The Band." Should have been called 'We Got Enough to Buy Instruments.'

---

Fat Willard: Dear Yoko, you didn't make the Beatles, you KILLED THEM.

Ren: Wait, what happened to The Band? They brushed over them and now they are talking about the Beatles? They must have realized, "Wait did I say the Band redefined music? I meant the Beatles." By the way, Paul's dead. Replaced by Billy Shears. The one and only.

Fat Willard: Here is the Beatles in FINGER PUPPETS. Here is the Beatles if done by FOURTH GRADERS.

Ren: It's the rejected Austin Powers scene.

Fat Willard: Ladies and gentleman, Mr. Burt Bacharach.


Ren: Oh my God! They killed Herbie!


Fat Willard: One guess who is enjoying this. Two clues: she smoked alot of pot and I am marrying her. This WAS NOT WAS terrible.

Ren: Ok I am going to turn it off. Sad when I change the channel for King of the Hill.