"I knew Tom Emanski, Tom Emanski was a friend of mine, and you Derek Jeter, are no Tom Emanski."



I don't see how this is any different then the rubber-tube/duct tape concoction called a "Bat Attack" allegedly invented by my high school coach. Except for the fact that Jeter is encouraging you to swing a baseball bat in the house. While you are at it, Captain, why don't you encourage kids to set their couches on fire?

Literally.

Someone get this dude some bumpers.

On his first warm-up ball, [US Senator Bob] Casey [D-PA] rolled a gutter ball. Obama's first ball flew gracefully off his hand but also ended up in the gutter. On his second try, he knocked down four pins.

About five lanes over, a young man in a T-shirt that said "Beer Hunter" fell on his backside while bowling and still recorded a strike.

His score you ask?

Obama did improve, nearly getting a strike in one frame, and in the seventh, picking up a spare, giving him a score of 37.

Hey, not for anything, but I could bowl a 37 blindfolded, barefooted and with my left hand. In fact, Ariel's done it twice.

It seems mother nature isn't thinking about baseball season today, as the weather in the Mid-Atlantic region is an overcast 50 degrees with the threat of showers.

Regardless, today is a happy day. As Ren and I celebrate our anniversary, we also wait in joyful anticipation of the start of what we hope is another "successful" season, as the Phillies kick-off their home opener at 3:05pm.

We celebrate by posting a few of our favorite "sports" songs. You know, those happy songs that pump you up and sort of take you back to the simple days... when you'd sit in the stands and listen to the radio coverage of the ball game while keeping score in your program. These songs bring on a Pavlovian trigger of smelling popcorn, and tasting peanuts, and instantly bring on a craving for a hot dog.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy. Happy Phillies phirst day!

(our favs, in no particular order)

Dire Straits, Walk of Life


Bruce Springsteen, Glory Days


John Fogerty, Centerfield (tell me that clapping doesn't get you all excited?)

Long time friend of HHR, Illuminati at phillyBurb's The Third I, asked me and a handful of others, including The 700 Level's Matt P. and Crashburn Alley's Bill Baer to write a brief blurb about our favorite baseball books.

So I popped a few greenies and tried to remember why I loved Ball Four so much.

Check out the list:

Books on 'The Boys of Summer'

If you don't have the time (or are too lazy) to crack one of these books open, at least head over and check out All On the Field Sports Blog's Kevin Hayward's interview with Jim Bouton.

My how things have changed in 7+ years...

The ESPN NCAA Men's Basketball pre-game shows are making me a little uneasy. Digger and Vitale cannot keep their hands off of Bobby Knight.

I don't know if it is the snazy sweaters and the sweet color combinations he is rocking out, but those two just want to get their mutton paws on him. After every joke they are jonesin' to grab him.

If Knight blurts out, "it feels so good when he jokes" after a Vitale rim shot, we may know why.

(Probably not appropriate for work, but you could be working at a strip club for all I know.)

Photo: Newsday

Editor & Publisher reports that among the findings in the "2008 PRWeek/PR Newswire Media Survey" announced today, of the 1,231 people polled, including newspaper, magazine, TV, radio, and online journalists, "Nearly 73% of respondents sometimes or always use blogs in their research. The most often cited reason for using blogs was "to measure sentiment."

Except at the WWL and for Bob Costas, one can reasonably assume, of course.

H/T: Silicon Alley Insider

While I am not an expert on early North American history by any means, I do consider myself a seeker of knowledge. For the last 8 years Willard and I have sought to uncover the secrets of the ancient Yapapie Indians known for their brutal, ritualistic strap matches.

This has bewildered us. Every since Hollywood Hulk Hogan brought up the tribe in a Nitro promo years ago, we have sought to enlighten ourselves (and the world) on this extinct culture.

To date, we have been unsuccessful. In fact, the only known mention of the tribe has been on the aforementioned Nitro broadcast, and perhaps an occasional DDTDigest post (long live Charlie & Chan).

If you have any information about the Yapapie Indians, or if in fact you are a Yapapie Indian (or descendant of one), inquiring minds want to know. Please contact us.

Saddle up racing fans. The next three weekends are prime prep races for the Kentucky Derby that will sort the Eliot Spitzer rides from the Marion Barry.

This weekend is the Florida Derby. Not as much cache as the Wood Memorial or Blue Grass, but worth paying attention to as a contender will emerge. In 2006, a little colt by the name of Barbaro rode this Grade I to prominence.

This year’s race isn’t gleaming with big names, but has quality ponies that are ready to prove themselves. First up, running out of the 1 slot is Fierce Wind who simply wins races. His speed figures are nothing to write home about, but a little nudge from the competition could be all he needs to pull this out.

The hype horse is Big Brown running from the other side of the spectrum in the 12 hole. No horse has one from the 12 hole at Gulfstream. His previous wins are fast, but suspect considering the competition and surface.

As I mentioned in the Fountain of Youth, I have my good eye on Elysium Fields. Set up in a favorable position, he could stalk his way around the two turns and step on the gas down the stretch to win this thing. I hoping his last race was not an outlier because he could prove a favorite for the derby if he shines tomorrow.

Speaking of eyes, watch out for Hey Vern Byrn. He may try to shake loose and steal this, but I think the competition may make him scared stupid. Nistle’s Crunch could prove sweet too.

If I were a betting man, this weekend, I want to ride Elysium Fields so I can afford Spitzer-type luxuries.

Freshly back from a visit with the Easter Bunny, Rusty's read to give y'all his low down on this week's race at Martinsville.

Known at the "paper clip", Martinsville is a low banked short track, with small tight corners and long straightaways (relatively speaking). It looks like a paper clip, and requires a lot of brakes. At Martinsville, teams use the biggest brakes they have and do everything they can to keep'em cool. There's a lot of beating and banging, and it makes for great racing. It's a driver's track, but without good equipment, you could end up having a very bad day.

This week's picks are a little "kooky", but I think they could hold a winner.

A List
- Jeff Burton (31)
B List
- Dale Earnhardt Jr (88)
C List
- Aric Almirola (8)

Way too often sports and athletes take themselves entirely too seriously.

Whod've thought we'd have to depend on the Bible-thumpin' Rockies to keep it real?

Marketing brilliance.

Via Big League Stew, "Of course Matt Holliday touched the plate."

(Clap Clap Clap Clap Sigh......)

It's All Over is a new feature where we give the sports world a reality check. A cold, hard, salty enema of a reality check designed to show that life isn't all fun and games: it also f*cking sucks. Once or twice a week, we'll ask you to help us come up with the most depressing captions possible. Winner will be announced in the following installation (If we can even motivate ourselves to get off the couch and do that much. So... cold... everything.. so... futile). This feature is brought to you by the most depressing beverage we could find - Schenley Whiskey*, who reminds you that you may not be able to afford child support, but you can still afford Schenley.

[Photo Courtesy of AP]

I tried to kill myself last night. It was stupid I know. But if you strike out, I'll try again.

Everyone on the team has AIDS. Including you. Except everyone else. You have lots and lots of AIDS.

Do you like candy? Clowns? How bout puppies? Balloons? Oh I got lots of balloons.

You're the father.

In your helmet I've placed four pieces of paper. Written on each is a racist remark I will attribute to you during the post-game conference. Gotta toughen you up. So choose bitch.

I pissed myself dreaming about Vietnam again.

Share your despair in the comments.

*No it isn't.

We've mentioned Jerry Remy's exhaustion, but little did we realize what the players were dealing with. According to Kevin Youkilis, it's the time change of course, but his thoughts clearly gravitate towards fine dining.

From Youkilis' mlb.com blog, Yooooouuuuukkkkk*

...Food-wise, a lot of us are looking forward to having the comforts of home

...You get an even bigger respect for them [Dice K & Okajima] and you understand what they go through. It takes a toll on you to have to deal with the other culture, and finding food. It's very tough for those guys to find stuff that tastes like home. I think people don't realize how tough it is and now we've gotten a taste of it.

...I'll definitely remember the city and all the great things we saw and the overall experience of being in another country. Of course, I'll remember the food -- and how good it was ...For us, it was just fun to go around and eat the sushi and the Matsuzaka beef, stuff like that, just to try new things.

...It's funny because you eat a lot of sushi here and the next day you feel really light and you feel like you lost weight. That's a little different than American food, where you eat a lot and you feel like you're gaining weight. That's probably the one thing we'll take away is that maybe eating a lot of sushi is healthy for you. Maybe I'll implement it in the diet a little more once we get back home.

Well this solves a couple of problems. Not only will Youkilis fight off starvation eating "a lot of sushi," but we can now expect to see fewer beached whales in New England this year. We're gonna invest in Kikkoman right away.

Take it from Youk: a lot of shushi requires a lot of sake.

*Seriously, why the extra k's? I get the long vowels, but k's? And what about the lack of exclamation points at the end? I'm gonna write a letter.

Adding to his long and distinguished career of achievement, Roger Clemens was named The (Boston) Phoenix's 2008 Unsexiest Man on the Planet, thwarting valiant attempts by several sports-figures up for the recognition. This only proves how bitter Beantowners remain at Clemens' post-Sox success, despite their own recent domination.

ROGER CLEMENS
'ROID-RAGING ROCKET

Considering Roger Clemens moth-eaten congressional testimony, this year’s Unsexiest champ is a quadruple threat: baseball and legal talking heads say that he’s a cheater, a liar/perjurer, a substance-abuser, and a world-class scumbag. The latter charge, mind you, reflects the fact that he threw under the bus not just his trainer pal Brian McNamee (who said he’d be willing to go to jail for Clemens) and trusted teammate Andy Pettite (whom he claimed “misremembers” testimony), but even his wife. His sexy status is further jeopardized by his Cro-Magnon mug (never have a player’s looks been so betrayed by the removal of his ball cap) and, worse, the litany of grotesque anatomical details we’ve been forced to hear. As the Mitchell Report noted, “McNamee injected Clemens approximately four times in the buttocks over a several-week period.” Responded Clemens: “If he’s doing that to me, I should have a third ear coming out of my forehead.” Oh, is that what that is?

Here are the other sports-related figures that cracked the top 100:

100 TOM BRADY (??)
96 TONY KORNHEISER
88 LARRY BIRD
81 BRUCE JENNER
79 ARLEN SPECTER
74 CHUCK KLOSTERMAN


73 MERCURY MORRIS
72 SYLVESTER STALLONE
71 BIG SHOW
67 TIM DONAGHY
53 MICHAEL VICK
47 BRIAN McNAMEE
46 BRODY JENNER
39 CHUCK NORRIS
38 HULK HOGAN
32 ERIC MANGINI
27 ELI MANNING
23 ISIAH THOMAS
16 PACMAN JONES
11 BILL BELICHICK

Ultimate fights expand to include kids

The article starts with a thud and an attempt by the author to shoot down MMA with this little nugget of untruth that I think he frankly just made up.

But the sport often derided as "human cockfighting" is branching out.

Who calls it that? Your carpool at the AP? Last I checked, UFC and the rest are all sanctioned events, with a governing body, and supervised by doctors and officials. Cockfights are illegal in most countries and involve two roosters pecking the shit out of each other for no better reason than gambling and the enjoyment of Pedro Martinez.

Anyway, I am all for it. People complain when kids sit around watching TV and slapping their Wii around for hours yet discourage them from any physical activity. Then they bitch when kids get off their cans and go out and emulate their heroes without supervision. Now we are going to complain when they want to do it legitimately with the proper equipment and supervision?

You can't have it both ways.

If I ever find a woman dumb enough to father my children, I am going to have the kids signed up for self defense classes before he/she is old enough to watch Dora the Explorer.

Especially when you consider all the gun-toting, sports-avoiding, nut jobs he or she is going to be riding the bus with.

It's obvious the staff of HHR are huge Mike and the Mad Dog fans. We like them a lot. 

A lot. 

I won't say we like them because of their opinions, more for their back and forth banter, Russo screaming like a lunatic at the drop of a flash (with Minko) and Mike 'ugggghhhs' 'ummmmmsss' and 'uuuuuuuuuu' when pondering any question or recalling nuggets of useless information from the past. 

A lot

In the eight plus years I have been listening, today's conversation has to rank in the top five funniest arguments of the show's history. The discussion was the new Yankee Stadium. Mike arguing it's well past due, the Dog saying 'the current stadium is fine and doesn't need any type of change.' Now, right there, I realize the Dog is in one of his 'let's fire up the Yankee fans' moods, because anyone who has stepped foot in Babe's house in the past decade knows the place is a dump. Field gorgeous, everything else looks like the NY/NJ Port Authority. 

 The argument soon turned to the bathroom situation in some of today's most popular ballparks.  Apparently both Mike and the Dog go pee. A lot.  

Are they still talking about bathrooms, or just GOING to the bathroom. These are older gentlemen, so the need to urinate comes more frequently and with greater urgency.

Like the commercial says, it seems Mike and the Dogs' going problem, is a growing problem.

I think this proves the chief's theory that punching Jessica Biel's kitty gives a person super powers.

'Sports Junkie' Justin Timberlake to Host the ESPYs




He might be the only person at the awards show that could fit his D*ck in a Box.

(Yeah, that's right. Two Timberlake penis jokes in one post. Double shot Wednesday.)

No, not Jon, the other one...

Image: TMZ.com

Richie Sambora, the likable rockstar part owner of the Philadelphia Soul was popped with a DUI according to TMZ.

What do you have to say about that, Tony Graziani?

I understand that we sometimes throw random, pointless and sometimes even unamusing stuff on HHR. They can't all be gems.

Someone who has made a second career out of doing that has been Mike Pagliarulo. OK, that's a little harsh. He isn't that bad. Hell, he isn't even the worst writer on his site.

That distinction belongs to Scott Jensen, if for no other reason than his decision to post this repetitious, cliched and unfunny post: 17 Bold Predictions for the 2008 Season

Here's a very brief snippet...

1. Ben Sheets will get hurt.
2. An announcer will describe David Eckstein as “gritty.”

Get the picture? yeah, my stomach's turning, too.

CNBC's Darren Rovell did a quick piece today on the NBA's release of the top 10 best selling jerseys of the last 10 years at their New York City store (to commemorate the store's 10th Anniversary).

Here's the list:

1. Michael Jordan
2. Kobe Bryant
3. Allen Iverson
4. Lebron James
5. Shaquille O'Neal
6. Tracy McGrady
7. Dwyane Wade
8. Jason Kidd
9. Vince Carter
10. Tim Duncan

Rovell's observations include that Jordan has only played in 3 of the last 10 years in which the sales were tallied, there are no Knicks on the list and Duncan came as a surprise given the scarcity of his name on many yearly top 10 lists.

If we may make an observation of our own...

While we weren't surprised, we can't say we weren't disappointed by New Yorkers' aversion to David Wood's #10 Warriors jersey, Swen Nater's #31 SD Clippers jersey and Bayville's own Frank Brickowski's #40 Bucks jersey.

Shame. Damn shame.

...and a nice fresh shave.



Thanks to The Third I.

I'll cut to the chase.... Dan from BL, and Penn and Monica from DWTS all got sent packing last night, in what was an easier reality TV night for me to handle.

On BL, the guys were getting a little cocky about how much weight they have to lose vs. the remaining two ladies. During the challenge they clearly gunned for the girls, with Kelly being the bigger target which was just poor form to me.

If they had any brain, and really wanted to win the $250K they would start to turn on eachother, as they are their own biggest competition. I mean, jeez, what kind of reality show is this where people are nice and stick together and whatnot? We need some backstabbing, damnit!

In the end, Ren's boy Dan only lost 1 pound and was sent below the yellow line with his "teammate" Mark. Because Mark already got sent home once (he won his way back to the show, though I think he's next) you knew it'd be Danny boy. Kelly and Ali both wowed the guys and dropped 7 and 6 pounds respectively, securing their place atop the leader board.

On DWTS, the first elimination was a predictable one. Monica Seles and Penn Jillette, the two lowest scorers also garnered the least amount of votes and were sent on their way. I am not sad. They both were painful to watch.

As far as Idol, Ren and I only caught two performances. Ren's sis called promptly at 9:34 to discuss the final performance of the evening, David Cook's rendition of Billy Jean, but alas we could not comment, and could only speak for a few min anyways since loser was coming back from commercial break. This morning I did watch a few of the performances I missed, and I still like Brooke White... and David Cook did rock the house. I think Kristy Lee will probably get sent home tonight, much to Simon's delight.

Image: Washington Post

ABC News' Senior National Correspondent in the network's Washington bureau, Jake Tapper, reported today that "[Hillary Clinton's] securing the nomination is certainly possible - but it will require exercising the 'Tonya Harding option'" according to a Democratic Party official.

Tapper notes:

It implies that Clinton is so set on ensuring that Obama doesn't get the nomination, not only is she willing to take extra-ruthless steps, but in the end neither she nor Obama win the gold.

(In this metaphor, presumably, Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., would be Oksana Baiul. Does that make former President Bill Clinton Jeff Gillooly?)

Our friend Ian at NationalsPride.com brought to our attention a very unfortunate trend going on in the Nation's Capitol.

The Nats recently traded away Ryan Church and Brian Schneider and released John Patterson.

This also lead to the departure from DC of Mrs. Patterson/Miss DC 2005 Sarah Shambeau and Mrs. Church and Mrs. Schneider.

Nats faithful are now sweating the potential loss of Mrs. Felipe Lopez.

With this kind of tail fleeing the city en masse is it any wonder why visiting Governors have to ship in $5000 out-of-state hookers?

Why does this guy get everyone all worked up? Is he really that bad?

In any language it's a win. I'll leave the topic of the undefeated Red Sox alone for now, and instead note that I finally understand why Jerry Remy is so exhausted. I tried to read the local coverage of the Sox game and almost lapsed into a seizure-induced coma.


With romantic (and even germanic) languages, you can usually get a sense of what the words mean or are trying to express. But this has got me thoroughly confused. I see "MLB" in clear letters - fine, good enough. Now we also have characters where one looks like a chair, and another that looks sort of like a ladder. Ooh a few lines down is a window-shaped one, and then something resembling a smiley face. The only conclusion can be

BREAKING NEWS
HHR Exclusive! Must Credit Hugging Harold Reynolds!

Red Sox Rob Japanese Wal-Mart

White House photo by Chris Greenberg

This past weekend, former Dallas Cowboy quarterback Troy Aikman read "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" at the annual White House Easter Egg Roll.

He then took part in "Ask the White House" -- "an online interactive forum where you can submit questions to Administration officials and friends of the White House."

You can read his Q & A here.

He talks of his transition into the broadcast booth, his thoughts on Roger Staubach, his community service efforts and his impressions of the White House event itself, among other things.

As if a sports story from Men's Vogue wasn't an obscure enough post for you, Inc. Magazine spotlighted Panthers' linebacker Jason Kyle's foray into the boardroom in this month's Finance section.

Recently, Kyle, a 13-year vet, partnered with consulting company Arizona Bay to develop a company called Pro Player Connect, "an online hub that would connect professional athletes with local sponsorship deals, promotional contracts, and free and discounted promotional gear" capitalizing on the sports endorsement industry "worth nearly $1 billion and has only recently begun migrating to the Web."

According to the article, "Pro Player Connect has attracted some high-profile investors--football veterans Vinny Testaverde and Christian Fauria, as well as NASCAR driver Michael Waltrip."

It is refreshing to see athletes, like Kyle and former Chief John Alt, drifting away from the post-career broadcasting or coaching roles and using their contacts and financial resources to not only develop income for themselves, but to create similar avenues for their contemporaries.

Alt, according to his bio at Performance Health Technologies, "currently serves as Investment Consultant through Linsco/Private Ledger, the country's largest independent brokerage firm. Mr. Alt's primary responsibilities include working with professional football players to assist them with their investment and estate planning needs."

And you thought Lenny Dykstra had cornered the market.

Jim Kelly has already followed Jack Kemp in taking helm as the Buffalo Bills' signal caller. It looks like now he may follow the former Congressman and Vice Presidential candidate to DC.

First Kemp...Now Kelly?

Party bosses have tried to tap Jim Kelly, before. In 2005 it was rumored he would run for Congress, perhaps against Fairport’s Louise Slaughter who’s 28^th District includes Buffalo and Rochester.

Two years ago, Kelly told 13 WHAM News that Republicans had approached him to run for Erie County Executive. But he said, County politics was not for him. ‘Nah, I ain’t going small, I’m going to go right to the top,” Kelly said. “No, if I’m going to do anything it’s either Senator or Congressman.” Turns out he didn’t run for either, at that time.

With Rep. Tom Reynolds’ decision not to seek a 6^th term, Kelly's name has again been put forth as a possible candidate, though he has yet to comment on the possiblity.

Left: Paul Sancya/Associated Press; Gene J. Puskar/Associated Press; Steve Nesius/Reuters

The New York Times today posted an article titled "When Owners’ Offers Better Reflect Starters’ Worth."

They note that, finally, teams have started to wizen up about giving mediocre names big money, long-term contracts to compensate for a weak free agent market for a limited number of quality pitchers. As a Phillies fan, I am always hoping they will land a "big name" starter, but they have been conservative. While it's been easy to criticize them for not landing a #1, the market over the last few years has really not yielded teams the results they would have liked for their investment. As a result, teams are stuck with bloated contracts and nothing more than trade bait come playoff time for a sucker willing to take a chance on an underachieving hurler.

The Times looked at the last 3 off-seasons' signings and their payouts. I took it a step further and added the pitchers' respective records during the applicable duration.

The numbers don't lie.

2006 Off-Season

• Kevin Millwood, 5 Years, $60 million (26-26)
• A. J. Burnett, 5 Years, $55 million (20-16)
• Jarrod Washburn 4 Years $37 million (18-19)
• Matt Morris 3 Years, $27 million (20-26)
• Esteban Loaiza 3 Years, $21,375,000 (13-13)

2007 Off-Season

• Barry Zito, 7 Years $126 million (11-13)
• Gil Meche, 5 Years, $55 million (9-13)
• Jeff Suppan, 4 Years, $42 million (12-12)
• Ted Lilly, 4 Years, $40 million (15-8)
• Jason Schmidt, 3 Years, $47 million (1-4)
• Vicente Padilla, 3 Years, $33.75 million (6-10)
• Miguel Batista, 3 Years, $25 million (16-11)
• Adam Eaton, 3 Years, $24.5 million (10-10)
• Jason Marquis, 3 Years, $21 million (12-9)

Of those names, only 3 have produced winning records - Batista, Marquis, Lilly & Burnett. Of those 4, only Lilly has a winning percentage over .600.

This off-season, with names dangling out in free agency like Tom Glavine, Kenny Rogers, Pettitte, Kyle Lohse, Randy Wolf, Liván Hernández, Jon Lieber, Jason Jennings and Brett Tomko, only Carlos Silva signed a multi-year package (4 Years, $48 Million).

Silva posted a 13-14 record last season and never won 15 games in his career.

The smart move/money might just be investing in scouting and the farm system, or limiting contracts to one-year deals the way the Braves, Tigers and Yankees did with Glavine, Rogers and Pettitte.

While this long term solution might not be what fans want to hear, the payout might be worth the wait.

One of our favorite blogs during the college football season is the Ethanator's SECFootballBlogger.com.

We've linked our favorite feature on the site, College Football Hate Videos, previously - a humorously disturbing look at fans taking their demented frustrations out on their schools' rivals.



Ethan has also been a big help to sports bloggers everywhere offering tips for optimizing social networking sites to promote bloggers' sites and work.

Recently he launched Sports Blog Bucks, which, while we are no where near the point to start generating money on our pet hobby that is HHR, is worth checking frequently for helpful tips for those starting out in their online journalistic foray into sport blogging.

I tried to avoid the story but it's happening whether I pay attention to it or not.

Legends Field will be renamed George M. Steinbrenner Field during ceremonies before the New York Yankees’ exhibition game against Pittsburgh on Thursday. 

Don't they usually wait until a person passes away before they start naming things after them?

This is the most depressing news.

The Steinbrenner family will unveil a new scoreboard sign in left field. Joan Steinbrenner, wife of the 77-year-old owner, is to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.

I figured the Boss had officially lost his marbles. I hoped maybe it was all a ruse. I wished he had actually gone underground like Hitler, only to emerge from the bunker for a four game Boston series, waving from the owner's box in a fresh white turtleneck and Dick Cavett blazer.

Let's say he is still breathing for the opening of the new stadium in 2009. He has to show up. The old man fought for that stadium for over 20 years. It's getting built thanks to him.

They are actually renaming the wrong stadium.

As Monica Seles stumbles her way through Dancing with the Stars, unless she finds herself a compettive edge, she's likely not going to remain on the show much long.

Perhaps she should give a call to an old friend.

From this month's Men's Vogue:

In the early 1990s, Monica Seles grunted her way to nine Grand Slam titles and became the game's top-ranked female player for two years running. At its peak, her ox-like bellow measured 93.2 decibels — not Sharapovian, but loud enough for the London tabloids to compare it to a freight train. This made Seles something of a pariah on the women's tour — Martina Navratilova once complained that Seles was making such a ruckus that she couldn't hear the ball come off the racket. What few people know is that Seles's grunting was not an unseemly habit but a deliberate competitive strategy, drilled into her by a sports psychologist named Jim Loehr.

Loehr, who is chairman and CEO of the Human Performance Institute in Orlando, Florida, is the father of tennis grunting. There had long been grunters on tour, players like Vicki Palmer and Jimmy Connors, but never before had the grunt been harnessed as a performance tool. Grunting helps to relax the muscles, Loehr claims, and prevents the kind of stiffness that results in "iron elbow" — which can cause a forehand to find its way into the net. Loehr met Seles in 1986, when she was a timid and polite 12-year-old, a condition that carried over into her game. Loehr encouraged her to breathe out forcefully — to grunt — and soon the pint-size Seles became a ferocious, swaggering player. As the trophies piled up, Seles unleashed her full inner grunter. "She felt so good that it became more and more vocal," Loehr told me recently. When noises of discontent emerged from what one Wimbledon referee would later dub the "counter-grunt culture," Seles turned down the volume. "The world says stop, then she stops and she loses three consecutive finals," Loehr says. Seles reported receiving anguished fan letters that read, "Monica, you've got to grunt again."

The nature of grunt-hating can be directly tied to Seles's lips. It turns out grunting is not just a case of poor etiquette, like belching at the dinner table or forgetting to wipe the sweat off the StairMaster. What underlies the Seles case — and that of the spate of recent grunters like Stuart Sugarman and Alex Rodriguez — is gamesmanship. Grunting is about exerting power. "The alpha ape was a grunter," says Samuel Davis, and while this conclusion requires more study, it looks like he's on to something.

The more you know...

And knowing is half the battle.

Personally, I don't need Tiki Barber, Jerome Bettis and Cris Collinsworth telling me how to live my life, especially when it sounds like someone is squeezing Tiki's balls and forcing him to say it.

Unfortunately, NBC doesn't want you to share the knowledge that the trio are dropping.

So go to their site and click the video on the right labeled "Tiki Barber, Jerome Bettis, Cris Collinsworth Watch Now."

People Magazine is actually reporting a Country Star/QB romance not involving Cowboy Tony and Jessica Simpson.

The mag reports that Country Star (and Dancing with the Stars celeb) Sara Evans has become engaged to Jay Barker, quarterback of Alabama's 1992 national championship team and current WJOX Radio host in Birmingham (with one Al Del Grecco, mind you).

Maybe I need Ariel to clarify for me, but didn't Evans leave DWTS because her hubby was a porn monger?

Photo: People Magazine

Photo: Erik Campos/TheState.com

With tears in his eyes, Nature Boy Ric Flair accepted the key to the City of Columbia, South Carolina, noting "Of all the things I've supposedly done in my career...I'm most proud of moments like this."

TheState.com has a great photo gallery of the presentation here.

Personally, I would rank his accomplishments in this order:

1. Causing a Pavlovian "Wooooo" response to the knife edge chop.
2. Having balls enough to call Paul "Romeo" Roma a Four Horseman.
3. Professional wrestling world record holder for nut-shots given in a career.
4. Invention of the "Flair Flop."
5. Invention of the "Flip over the turnbuckle, run down the mat to be clotheslined."
6. Most damage done to own wardrobe by elbow dropping his own jacket for no apparent reason.
7. This saying:



8. Receiving the key to the City of Columbia, South Carolina.

Photo: Slate

From today's Hotline:

"To promote his new book chronicling his battle with cancer," Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA) "inexplicably made a call-in appearance on WZLK-FM, a classic rock station in Boston" last week. That city is "ground zero of the fan base for the New England Patriots, a team Specter has dragged through the mud in his never-ending Sypgate investigation." Callers to the show "weren't particularly interested in hearing Specter chat up his new survival tome." One "irate" caller "accused Specter of wasting government time and money" on Spygate. Specter: "Let me tell you something important, I had cancer..." Caller: "I don't care!" (Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, 3/23).

The Boston Herald quotes "fired up fan Dave":

“How can they waste government money on this with people starving in this country, people dying every day . . . this is a ridiculous waste of money. You’re wasting time on a friggin’ football game."

Photo: mlb.com

Today Inky staff writer Don McKee's Morning Report featured the "Best and worst of Phillies outfielders."

QUITE FRANKLY, McKee didn't hold back one iota. In conversing with our friends at The 700 Level, we agreed that it's about time we saw some biting Phils coverage in an otherwise tame spring.

Check out the link for Phillies OFs that McKee deemed:

• Most spineless
• Stupidest
• Best-looking athlete who was actually a stiff
• Worst-looking athlete who was actually a good player
• Most out to lunch
• Best player despite a drug habit
• Most famous for having done absolutely nothing

Pretty solid list.

I was all set to visit Japan someday, but now thanks to the miracle of audio, the internets, the human ear, a mediocre digital recorder, and Jerry Remy, I feel like I've already been there. That's like $1,000 saved. Or as Remy notes in the March 21 audio below, roughly 92,000 Yen. He also mentions that due to jet lag and the time difference he has felt like a 'babbling fool.' So clearly, the RemDawg has achieved a Zen-like clarity enabling to see himself as others do. Kudos.

Highlights from the RemDawg's Japanese trip so far include

• Wanting to jump from the plane
• Going to "See the Sights" (the hotel has a nice lobby!)
• As of March 21 he was halfway through the $500 US (46,000 Yen!) with 4 days to go. Which begs the question, is he still alive?
• There's plenty of Sumo wrestling on TV - 24/7. "Big guys in Diapers"
• Many people speak English
• He will be signing up members of RemDawg Nation. (Kill me. Please. Queer Eye for the Sox Guy was less embarassing than this. If that ever really happened).
• He's been there since Friday and hasn't yet done a game.
  

Take a listen yourself!
March 21


March 22


So in summation, it's good to be Jerry Remy. Especially if you are obsessed with the effects of time zones on your mental and physical well being. You'd think he was part of a NIH research project or something. I fully expect him to come back refreshed and with a cure for Parkinsons.

If you don't know the source of that picture, you really need to see this. I'm pretty sure it's the song dancing in Dice-K's head at all times (Must... Destroy... All... Foreign... Sauces....)

QUITE FRANKLY IT'S DEAD-ON!

Hugging Harold Reynolds is pleased to throw its undying support behind the only two men we feel have the fortitude and experience to lead our country through these trying times - Governor William J. LePetomane and State Attorney General Hedley Lamarr.

While we often mock athletes and celebrities who are quick to endorse candidates with little reasonable justification, we are neither athletes nor celebrities, thereby making our endorsement more heavily weighted then any of theirs.



For a measly 15 bones, you can show your support for this dynamic due with the official unofficial LePetomane/Lamarr '08 tee.

ORDER HERE

Means "Dalai Lama and his allies are out to destroy Olympics," according to China.

They got that going for them. Which is nice.

C'mon, champ, hit me in the face! My mom hits harder than you!



After WVU embarrassed the higher seeded Blue Devils, Mountaineer forward couldn't help but take a shot at the Dukies, and the entire ACC.

The March 2008 issue of Fast Company magazine ranked Nike the #6 most innovative company in the world.

The magazine's Mark Borden writes, "You expect fancy footwear from Nike. But its latest masterstroke is social networking, online and off. From events to the Web to unique retail hubs, Nike is blurring the line between brand and experience."

He's not kidding. I consider myself on top of most sports-related and pop culture happenings.

Most Nike innovations profiled by Fast Company, I'd been in the dark on. (Granted, I'm not as hip as I once was).

For instance, "House of Hoops."


Nike and Foot Locker launch New York’s new temple of basketball.

All eyes were on 125th Street in Harlem today as Nike and Foot Locker teamed up to celebrate New York’s long legacy of basketball greatness with the opening of the new House of Hoops concept store. Dedicated to everything basketball, the store features Nike, Jordan, Converse products all under One roof, player exclusive shoes, apparel and sporting goods endorsed by the greatest athletes to ever player the game.

According to the magazine, Nike plans on launching 50 stores nationwide.

Among the other inititaitves highlighted were:

Run Americas
Nike Women's Marathon
Nike+ Supersonic
NikeiD Studios
Nike ProPlayers Top
Nike Total 90 Laser



Sumo2 5900
Nike Amp+ Watch

And lastly, Nike Native N7, which just about blew my mind. Talk about forward thinking and identifying niche markets...

When Nike learned many Native Americans were wearing shoes that were two sizes too big to accomodate their generally wider feet, they set about cornering an unserved niche market.

While other apparel-based businesses cracked the top 50, none were as sport-centric or iconic as Nike. Which, despite constant efforts by others to overtake, remarkably remains top in its field.

Me Chinese, Me play joke, me put camera in your coat (closet)?

Interesting little story on BreitBart.com...

US Olympic tourists warned about monitoring in hotel. 

Americans traveling to China for the Olympic Games in August can expect their hotel rooms there to be monitored, the State Department warned on its website.

"All hotel rooms and offices are considered to be subject to on-site or remote technical monitoring at all times. Hotel rooms, residences and offices may be accessed at any time without the occupant's consent or knowledge," it said.

I think this is fantastic news. And so does TMZ China. Who honestly cares about the Olympics anymore? The real action is happening in the hotels.

Unfortunately, the government and tourism folk aren't really doing a bang up job of selling the whole thing as an amazing experience for travelers.

It added that many hotels and apartment buildings may be poorly built, lack emergency exits, fire extinguishers, carbon monoxide monitors and basic security like locks, alarms, and personnel.

And dogs. We cook dogs. Chop them up. Oh and cats. Mice sometimes too. All true. Stay home. Seriously.

Last summer Rev. Shaw ran into the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all-time, the Honky Tonk Man, knockin' 'em back and posing with his strap for fans at an airport bar. We wrote:

Apparently Honky makes over a G to just show up and sign autographs at county and state fairs, and, additionally, makes commission on what he sells. He then, mutton chops, jet black hair and all, basks in the attention he receives in airport bars, going so far as to pose with a championship strap.

Turns out, he hangs out at MLB spring training facilities and is pals with an NL front office man.

Brewer's beat writer Anthony Witrado blogs at one of our daily MLB reading stops, the Milwaukee Sentinal Journal's Brewer's Blog. He wrote this afternoon, "Today might have been the best day of camp for Tom and I, as Brewers director of media relations Mike Vassallo brought in his long-time friend and former WWF Intercontinental champion ... HONKY TONK MAN!"

As Witrado goes on to tell of what a joy Honky was, I can't help admit I am a bit jealous.

Photo: jsonline.com

---

UPDATE: Big League Stew has some kick-ass pictures.

---

Bright future for this rocket scientist.

Photo courtesy of redsarmy.com

Times must be getting rough for old Zeke. He knows he is on his way out. He could go down as the worst coach and GM in NBA history. His office hijinx caused the franchise a boatload of dough. And now he could be passing off bad checks...

Police are looking for a man who pretends to be a basketball coach and scams McDonald's restaurants out of food and money using bad checks.

Police say the man drives up in a school-type bus and enters the restaurants ordering about $50 of food for his "team." The man then pays with a $150 check that appears to be from a school district and takes his food and his change, in cash.

That's just like Zeke. Pretending to be a coach. Paying three times the amount of money that something is worth.

And after all Zeke and Mickey D's have been through....

I am skipping the pleasantries this week and going right to the heart of the matter.

I wanna respond to these SOB's (Son of Bostonians- I still can't curse because of Lent)

It was one time. It was in a moment of exuberance and passion. It was a beautiful day at the stadium and I got caught up in the emotion. I am of course a radio commentator but I am also a fan. Fans sometimes get excited. I will never let my emotions get the better of me

OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS TRACY ULLMAN IS ON THE VIEW. SHE IS RIGHT THERE SITTING IN BARBARA WALTER'S CHAIR! SHE IS SITTING IN BARBARA WALTERS CHAIR AND SHE IS COMING BACK TO NETWORK TELEVISION. OH MY GOODNESS, TRACY....

sorry.....

see everyone on Opening Day...

See Suze's other blogs here.

So maybe the Patriots magic ran out last night against the Fighting Irish. GMU deserves to advance in the tourney on the strength of Coach Jim Larranaga's insanity alone.

Just in case you haven't gotten around to opening your daily Remy Report, I wanted to make sure you knew there was still time to join Jerry Remy's Fantasy Baseball League.


I'm thinking of doing this if only to see what the RemDawg's team looks like. I bet he's got special commissioner permissions to draft himself and Dustin Pedroia over and over again. Or some code that if you enter it, you get Ted Williams' greatest season. You know he's a competitor like that. Who wouldn't want to"Win stuff like Red Sox tickets." Damn! He knows how much I like to win "stuff!" Somewhere Don Orsillo is cobbling together a team.

Here's where you come in. I need your help picking a team name. So far I've got

• Eastern Clothing Companians
• The Laughing Wheezes
• Cigarettes Are Actually Kinda Cool
• Second Base Feelers
• I Hate You (Not Don Orsillo)
  
• The RemDawg Sent Me. Why?

The leader right now is Gravity 1, Air Guitar 0



What's your recommended name? Leave your suggestions in the comments.

I am not watching the NCAA tournament.

BLASPHEMY!

Just not interested. Save the reasons. Top level basketball. Anyone can win. Upsets. Cinderella stories. Buzzer beaters.

Ehhh....

Never really got into college basketball. Sure I've watched games over the years. I only remember one. Laettner's last second shot. The only reason I remember is because I was in high school and over a friend's house when it happened. The girl I had a crush on commented on how hot she thought he was in the post game interview. The next day I asked the barber for the Brandon Walsh pompadour and started filling in my lack of sideburns with a brown coloring pencils. Except for the height, talent, age, and me being straight, you couldn't tell us apart.



Used to skip classes in college to watch in the dorms. Everyone else did it. Once took off an entire day of work to watch the Friday games. Why? My friends all took off. Who wants to sit at work knowing your friends are all sitting home or at a bar, watching games and drinking beer while you read Popsugar and peek over the cubicle wall and pretend you aren't staring at your co-workers cleavage. (It's his fault for wearing such revealing tops).

I even went to two colleges (not the sharpest knife) that were both dominated by the basketball teams. Never went to one game. My college roommate for two years actually played basketball. Still never went. Wished him luck though. Told him which party I'd meet him at afterwards.

Could have been my upbringing. Not a basketball fan in the entire tree. Could have been the fact I am 5'6 in work shoes and can't dribble without looking down.

A few years ago, knowing even less about college basketball then I do now, I entered an NCAA bracket pool at work. Out of 85 entrants I came in fourth. I won $485 dollars. I can't take a sport seriously where I can guess at over 50 games and get them correct while an actual fan can't pick better than me.

So, I've decided I am not going to watch a single minute. I am sure there are people who will watch every moment of every game. Good for them.

American History X, TNA Impact, Figure skating championship on the World Wide Leader.

I'll be fine.

Hot damn a Dr. 90210 marathon starting tomorrow. Might have to call out after all.

SI's Players section this week featured an election special titled "Athletic Supporters: Sports stars weigh in on presidential picks."

Not surprisingly, Obama scored high with the predominantly African American NBA, McCain with the predominantly white NHL and MLB, and Clinton with, well, people that liked her husband.

I am curious to know the identity of the unnamed hockey-playing Obama supporter that was quoted as admitting he watches Oprah, "I see him on Oprah and I think he's a sincere guy."

Of the 350 overall athletes surveyed, McCain edged Obama 132-116, with Clinton bringing up the rear with 22. Eight respondents supported another candidate (I assume Kucinich), and 69 (kinky) were undecided.

One of Hill's handful of supporters noted, "Bill Clinton was the best president we ever had, and I am sure he will be calling most of the shots if Hillary is elected."

That must be a boost of confidence for women everywhere. Then again, she's ridden his coattails for the entirety of her political life, so maybe this comment isn't all that surprising.

Second, the best president we ever had? Hey, he did a fine job managing the country as it reaped the benefits from the 80's administrations' investment in technological and economic growth (e-commerce boom/bust), with an opposition Congress pushing through tangible legislation, all while not doing anything demonstrably remarkable aside from that whole blow jay thing. It worked for him. Everyone was happy.

But again, best president we ever had? George Washington only helped secure our independence from a colonial empire, and sat as executive over a newly established form of government unprecedented anywhere in time and space. Abe Lincoln only steered us through civil war and a country on the brink of dissolving its union, not to mention that whole emancipation thing (addressing an issue many of his predecessors refused to even acknowledge in public). Hell, Kennedy kept us from nuclear war while hopped up on a cocktail of pain-killing and mood altering meds, and a 238-year-old Regan dissolved a threatening empire of his own while popping jelly beans.

The 90's were good. They didn't help make things any easier at the turn of the millennium, but things were just peachy compared to today. "Best ever," though is a stretch. Even for an uninformed multi-millionaire athlete.

While Allen Iverson's return to Philly ignited the Wachovia Center, American Idol apparently was also on last night.

Even die-hard fan Ariel is very lukewarm on this season. Personally, I cannot stomach the males on the show. They make me physically ill.

The girls are only slightly better.

Last night Amanda Overmyer got the boot, describing her problem as being her self-perception as "a square peg in a round hole."

Frankly, I think it was more she was a one-trick pony that showed little depth or creativity. Her voice was unique and interesting at times, but it seemed more a poor Joplin impression at best. She seemed to overhype herself as a "rocker," and her tone and mannerisms got old. That said, she was much more bearable, and masculine for that matter, than any single guy on the show.

Unfortunately (for me at least), her dismissal means I missed out on someone actually singing a creative and different song:

If there had been a next week on Idol for Overmyer, she said she would have belted "On the Dark Side," a John Cafferty & the Beaver Brown Band cut from the cult movie Eddie and the Cruisers.

Which, is only the best movie ever made.

So, while I didn't care for her styling after a while (while, admittedly at first I was intrigued by it), I wish her luck. And invite her to pound beers and shots with the HHR crew.

The Post and Times are reporting that the Nationals have released pitcher John Patterson.

Post: Breaking news: John Patterson released

Times: Breaking: Nationals release John Patterson

Credit: NationalsPride.com

YRWLCMAI

Jake and Amir (the guys behind Tony Homo - Rest in Peace/Burger TH) give us a glimpse into Amir's method of bracketology. Watching the way his mind works fascinates me. He is like Nostradamus. You know, if Nostradamus huffed paint thinner and watched a lot of Single White Female.

Authorities go undercover to break up March Madness gambling ring.



No one fills out an NIT bracket.

In search of that elusive Cinderella this year? Well search no more, because I have the ultimate sleeper for you - LaFonte University. Now I know you're going to tell me that LaFonte isn't actually in the bracket, or even a real university and blah blah. Why take the turn to negative town? You take one look at LaFonte's recruiting and I think like me, you'll have a new champion that will set your bracket apart from everyone else's.



No need to thank me, this is just what I do. No seriously, it's cool. Thank you... really. You know, I'm not the type to throw the word "hero" around, but if you insist then I'll wear that label for the time being. It's already sewn into my underpants anyway.

Despite the thunderous ovation for the return of Allen Iverson to the City of Brotherly Love, not all fans were happy to see the All-Star guard back at the Wachovia Center. Or at least the weren't happy to see his mother.

According to ESPN's Chris Sheridan, some fans took to heckling Mrs. AI, which lead to an altercation followed by a "very large, very angry man" being ejected:

It was a night when Iverson played for the present but opened up about the past, expressing his regret and embarrassment over some of the episodes that discolored his 10-plus years in Philadelphia. And the night included a little extracurricular Iverson-related excitement, too, as a scuffle broke out involving Iverson's friends who were sitting along the second row of the baseline seats near the Denver bench.

The altercation appeared to begin when someone pushed or jostled Iverson's mother as the game was in its final minute and the entire sellout crowd was on its feet. Iverson's friends refused security guards' orders to leave the arena after the fight, which resulted in one very large, very angry man being escorted away with a very large tear in his shirt. But it was all over in time for Iverson's friends to see him get a chance to tie the game or win it.

Lesson learned. You want to get rid of AI's posse, you heckle AI's mommy.

4 fkngw/mypeeps

Photo: Jesse D. Garrabrant/NBAE via Getty Images via 700 Level

Get a THXPHILA shirt while they last.

The Trenton Thunder, since locating to New Jersey's capital city in 1994, has become one of the most successful and popular minor league franchises in the region.

According to their Wikipedia page, in 2006, "the Thunder became the first team in Minor League Baseball history to draw over 400,000 fans for twelve consecutive seasons at the Double-A level or below. Through 13 seasons, over 5.4 million people had attended a Thunder game."

Since 1994 it has also been affiliated with 3 teams - the Tigers, the Red Sox and currently the Yankees, which is most relevant due to a large number of Yankee fans in the area.

Thunder alumni includes back-to-back AL rookies of the year Tony Clark and Nomar Garciaparra, as well as Trot Nixon, Shea Hillenbrand, David Eckstein, Carl Pavano, Chien-Ming Wang, Robinson Cano, Melky Cabrera, Phil Hughes and one Joba Chamberlain.

That last name jumps out at me. Chamberlain is widely heralded as a future MLB superstar, like a handful of young Yankee hurlers, despite wonder whether he'll start or remain in the bullpen in the immediate future.

Besides Chamberlain (ranked 3), who is a lock to make the Yankees big league roster this year, only 3 Yankees appear in Baseball America's top 100 prospects:

• Jose Tabata (OF, 37)
• Austin Jackson (OF, 41)
• Ian Kennedy (RHP, 45)

Kennedy will likely end up in the Yankees rotation this year, obviously enough that the Thunder are polling on their main page the following:


Also on their main page is the headline:

THUNDER TOP PHILS, TABATA AND JACKSON SPARK OFFENSE

Obviously, Tabata and Jackson will be the top draws for the Thunder this year.

Yet, the Thunder want to hype their past instead of their current and future. Take for example their electronic marquee which encourages you to call a number for information on getting a limited edition Joba bobblehead. Obviously, I haven't called, but it piqued my curiosity. I assumed they had some left over from a promotion last season. Then, at a bar with Willard last night, I noticed the free Thunder pocket schedules, adorned on front and back with Joba Chamberlain.

Now I see the ONLY way to get a Joba limited edition bobblehead is by purchasing a "Joba Rules" 10-game ticket plan. A plan with which in all likelihood you will never see Joba pitch.

I understand the marketing strategy to capitalize on a young star's success and popularity. But, for a franchise that continues to set attendance records, is such a push really necessary in lieu of promoting your current roster and team?

For the Thunder, this strategy isn't new. Their 2006 schedule featured Melky Cabrera, a year in which he played in 130 games with the big league club.

Image: WasWatching.com

Again, we get it the idea, but not the justification. You're going to draw fans, so why not develop and market your own new stars instead of that of your big league counterpart?

In the meantime, I like this McCain-esq idea and am going to try to win me partial season tickets.

I really hope this isn't true...

"Season two winners Drew Lachey and Cheryl Burke allegedly had an affair during the national tour to promote the show which ended last month."

I sincerely hope that this isn't true. I respect both of them a lot and would be sort of sad if it was. Drew - you were the cool Lachey brother. You can't let us down like this.

Special Contributer to MSN Movies, John Moe presents Cinematic Slam Dunks: In honor of March Madness, we celebrate the kings of the hardwood: Our favorite basketball movies

10. BASEketball
9. Air Bud
8. The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh
7. Space Jam
6. Love & Basketball
5. Blue Chips
4. Teen Wolf
3. White Men Can't Jump
1B. Hoop Dreams
1A. Hoosiers

Granted, he tries to be funny with some selections (I think), and points out some of their absurdity, but this list insists upon itself. This guy undoubtedly got paid to write that, while your beloved HHR scribes try to hock shitty t-shirts to rub two nickels together.

That's all I have to say about that.

Big news Tribe fans.

Ashley Alexander "Kristen" Dupre's pimp "claims [Charlie] Sheen paid $20,000 for a threesome with the girls dressed up as cheerleaders."

"Sheen got the girls to dress up as cheerleaders and chant his name while performing sex acts. They loved Charlie. They said he was a great guy. A great lover. One time he had them dressed up like cheerleaders, chanting 'Charlie! Charlie! He's our man. If he can't do it, nobody can!'"

When confronted by teammate Jake Taylor, Sheen reportedly pulled his patented Suzanne Dorn "I didn't know" defense act.

by Matt Ryan

God my mouth is stinging. But I am SOOOOOO buzzing right now. I can't believe NFL players really put this much Skoal in their mouth - you can barely see it on TV. Glad I talked to Brohm last night or I would've looked totally stupid. Lucky he called me and mentioned it! Oh maaaaaannnnn my head is lighter than Lara Flynn Boyle with raging dysentery.

ComeonMattyComeonMatty.... This is the big time. You knew you couldn't lay around with Herm all day. This is it, this is THE throw. Don't worry about anything. This feels good, so effing good. I'm gonna freaking huck this thing 200 yards. There's gonna be a new sex cannon in town, bitches. Woah, did I just swear? That's so cool. I've never done that. Dude, F this "All-American" image in the A!

Poopie! Cucka!

OK, here it comes... gotta project toughness, consistency, and a winning attitude. Maybe if I channel that other Boston legend, that fixture of rough-and-tumble combat... Wait... What's my hand doing? Why is it....


Oh Fuckballs.

To kick off the baseball season and prep ourselves for countless horrible nicknames spewing from Boomer's mouth, we present a music inspired look at each team.

the chief will be providing the AL a little later.

National League East

Atlanta Braves
"Rose" Royce Ring













Florida Marlins
"Commander" Cody Ross "And His Lost Planet Airmen













New York Mets
Johan Santana "Ove Como Va"













Philadelphia Phillies
Jimmy Rollins "Band"













Washington Nationals
Aaron "Pat" Boone














National League Central

Chicago Cubs
Rich "Sugar" Hill "Gang"













Cincinnati Reds
Josh Fogg "Hat"













Houston Astros
Lance Berkman "Turner Overdrive"













Milwaukee Brewers
Prince Fielder "And the New Power Generation"













Pittsburgh Pirates
Jason Bay "City Rollers"













St. Louis Cardinals
Chris "Karen" Carpenter














National League West

Arizona Diamondbacks
"Tony" Orlando Hudson "& Dawn"













Colorado Rockies
"Methodman &" Mark Redman













Los Angeles Dodgers
Gary "Tony" Bennett "Left His Heart in San Francisco"













San Diego Padres
The Tony Clark "Five"













San Fransisco Giants
Tyler Walker "And the All Stars"

When 8:00 rolled around I thought I only had two reality shows to compete with for the night - Biggest Loser, and American Idol. Because Idol has done little this season to hold my attention, I didn't think it'd be such a difficult night.

The first hour of BL was filled with another reality TV favorite, Project Runway's Tim Gunn, helping the losers find outfits that show off their new physiques as they pose for a Prevention Magazine photoshoot. These transformations brought Gunn and Ren (who seems to be exhibiting the hormonal signs of MY pregnancy) to tears. Fluff - yes. But, at least it was good fluff.

AI was uneventful. We saw the blonde chick sing - she is good. And someone else... maybe one of the rock guys? Yeah, we were really paying attention.

At some point Ren says "Hey, isn't Dancing with the Stars on tonight?" SH*T!!!!!!!!!! He was right. Tuesday was the ladies.... how in the hell was I going to watch 3 shows at once... this was my own reality TV Trifecta.

The 9:00 hour was difficult. Thank God ABC ran DWTS from 9-10:30...

To sum it all up -

BL - Glad Brittany got the boot - she looks great, and is the smallest person at the ranch. She can manage at home. Let it be noted that Ren hates Dan because he is getting "too big for his britches."

AI - We like the rock guy, David Cook. Good stuff. Reminiscent of Daughtry, a personal fav.

DWTS - Monica Seles will get sent home. She looked stiff and uncomfortable. Kristy Yamaguchi was the best of the women, and Mario was the best of the men. Notable competition - Jason Taylor will do well, as will Shannon Elizabeth.

Part 4 of 4+. This is the story of the hurricane.

See Also:

Charles Darwin Bracket: Midwest
Charles Darwin Bracket: East
Charles Darwin Bracket: West

(1) Tigers over (16) Mavericks

I know this blows the 'humans always win theory' away. Yes, they are human, but ask Roy about screwing with Tigers.

(9) Beavers over (8) Bulldogs

I know logistically a bulldog would probably win but 1) I am sick of bulldogs and 2) beaver makes me giggle.

(5) Spartans over (12) Owls

Ready. OK! How many licks will it take to take down the Owl? One.

(4) Panthers over (12) Golden Eagles

Oh..GOLDEN...like 'better' than an Eagle. A golden eagle. I hope the panther pulls feather by feather.

(11) Wildcats over (6) Golden Eagles

Ohhh...Golden...like 'better' than an eagle. But as good a wild cat? But both names suck. Wildcats.

(14) Big Red Bear over (3) Cardinals

Any team named Cardinal, Bulldog or Eagle is an automatic loss from now on. Had just about enough of this crap.

(7) Hurricanes over (10) Gaels

Nature over umm...what the hell is a gael anyway?

(2) Longhorns over (15) Governors

Shouldn't the governors be ranked No. 9? Longhorns always win. Ask the call girls.

Second Round

(7) Hurricanes over (2) Longhorns

It's the weather. How the hell do you fight the weather?

(1) Tigers over (9) Beavers

If you are talking animals, Tigers no problem. If only this were a battle of better slang for female genitalia . Beaver over Pu....nevermind.

(5) Spartans over (4) Panthers

Man wins this battle but only because I keep thinking of the guys from 300 and not the guys from History of the World Part I.

(11) Wildcats over (14) Big Red Bears

Rrrrrrrrrrrrr (that's the funniest I can come up with. They can't all be gems).

Sweet 16

(1) Tigers over (5) Spartans

Even the guys in 300 lost eventually.

(7) Hurricanes over (11) Wildcats

Ever watch one of those 'Chasing the Storm' shows on Discovery? Where they rip through a town and the animals go flying. Yeah, something like that.

Elite 8 (7) Hurricanes over (1) Tigers

Riding this storm out till the final four.

Priscilla Presley spent the evening dancing with flamboyant Louis van Amstel.

He better thank his lucky stars the King isn't still around to witness it.

The CRitic has been on a hiatus through no fault of his own. There has been a serious lack of sports-themed commercials.

There have been a few noteworthy commercials such as the Dr. J, 10 second ad for Converse. Short, sweet and to the point, well done.

There have been some travesties such as the Subway commercial with Tony Parker and Tony Stewart congratulating Jared for not continuing a lifestyle that would kill him young. It is reminiscent of how you can pay celebrities to come to your birthday party, ahem Peyton Manning ahem. We once looked into having Jack Nicholas come to my grandma’s birthday, it wasn’t worth it.

There is another commercial about how Reggie Bush’s quick, which must be referring to his legs, smells like French Toast. I think Ray J may have revealed why on The Tyra Banks Show. (4:24)

But what I have particularly noticed, since I have been watching college basketball for the past three weeks to prepare for my family’s bracket for the opportunity to win $20, is the theme of college basketball commercials.

Have you ever caught yourself in middle of a series of commercials for tampons, yeast infection medicine and birth control pills and think to yourself that maybe I shouldn’t be watching this show?

Well, if you are not approaching retirement or an investor, you should not be watching college basketball. Hartford Financials, Pacific Life, Charles Schwab, T. Rowe Price and Fidelity are only a few of the financial companies advertising trying to get your cheese during college basketball games.

The marketing data must be screaming at these companies about the demographics of a typical college basketball fan.

College fan = college educated = mo money = mo problems.

Former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader and WWE Diva Stacy Kiebler hit mainstream popularity flaunting her near-perfect legs on the Dancing With The Stars ballroom floor.

Prior to being discovered by Ozzie Newsome and Vincent K. McMahon, she was busy flaunting her near-perfect rump for drunk, horny spring breakers. We're not judging.



h/t WND

Between Nick's reckless driving suit, Brian Knobbs eating him out of house and home, and the little doubt that Linda is going to milk his orange ass dry, Hogan will shill for anything these days. Even fantasy fishing. You read that right.

Maybe he can tuck a few dollars away in his fanny packs.

Stealing this addition from our friends at Rays Index. While we always had an un-mustachioed Earl pegged for my boy Greg Dobbs, Josh Paul makes a strong case.

See our complete library here.

It sounds like WFAN's afternoon blowhards are implying that their morning drive counterparts aren't a "pimple on their fanny."

Here's the gist: Someone called in to Fat Mike and Chris regarding Clark Kellogg's refusal to interview the day after brackets are announced. Boomer & Carton had attempted to get him on the air at that time, and CBS refused. When CBS then offered Kellogg the following day, the morning guys refused him in a form of turn around being fair play.

Mike and Fat Chris, being Mike and Fat Chris, implied that Carton and Boomer (who works CBS television with Kellogg), basically were a couple of ham and eggers.

Mr. Tennis & Mr. Diet Coke jabbed that the Carton and Boomer had only been on "the air for 13 minutes." And probably don't know who Clark Kellogg is. Needless to say the morning guys had a nice little laugh about this.

I think the Stonecutters were keeping Steve Guttenberg under wraps all this time because they knew he had a screw loose. We'll see if their strategic move to put him back in the limelight will pay off.

It's survival of the fittest, part 3 of 4+.

SEE ALSO:
Charles Darwin Bracket: Midwest
Charles Darwin Bracket: West
Charles Darwin Bracket: South

Round 1

(2)Volunteers over (15) American Eagle

The do-gooders overcome the sassy outfitter.

(7) Jaguars over (10) Bulldogs

Do you like luxury? Jaguars over the pathetic Bulldog.

(3) Cardinals over (14) Broncos

I realize Broncos are the bigger animal but I see a cardinal being annoying enough to fly around and wear the big guy out. I am calling Cardinals in a Darwin upset.

(6) Sooners over (11) Hawks

The hawks will be fiesty but the Sooners live off milk of the land. And all it's creatures.

(4) Cougars over (13) Eagles

Birds don't stand a chance. Especially young birds with a good job and nice cars. F*ck Da Eagles.

(5) Fightin Irish over (12) Patriots

Human vs. Human. This is anyone's ball game. But don't screw with the Irish on the week of St. Pat's. They are working on a weeklong hangover and no sleep.

(9) Razorbacks over (8) Hoosiers

Coach stays. I play. He goes, I go. Doesn't matter, those Hogs are nasty.

(1) Tarheels over either (16) The Mount or another f'n Eagle.

Tarheel wins and can we get rid of some of these Eagle teams (unoriginal bastards)

Second Round

(9) Razorbacks over (1) Tarheels

The goat ain't got a chance.

(4) Cougars over (5) Fightin Irish

A wild animal against a liquored up hooligan. I'll take the wild animal.

(6) Sooners over (3) Cardinals

Another bird opponent? Come on.

(7) Jaguars over (2) Volunteers

Let this be a lesson about Volunteering for anything. Jaguars.

Sweet 16

(7) Jaguars over (6) Sooners

It was a good run for the humans but all those bird fights made them soft.

(4) Cougars over (9) Razorbacks

This would be a hell of a slobberknocker but I think the Cougars pull it out. Razor probably stumbles around tanked worried about his libido.

Elite 8

(4) Cougars over (7) Jaguars

This is a toss up, considering both beasts would put up a hell of a fight. So let's think of this logically. Cougars usually drive Jaguars, so I'll take the Cougars...your Eastern regional champion.

He made it entirely too easy to make fun of him with this little stunt on the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars. Truth be told, though, he comes off as very down-to-earth and fully self-aware of the potential harassment he is opening himself up to. Which, I guess, is very becoming.



But then again, why the hell should he care what anyone thinks. He gets to dance with the very loverly Edyta Sliwinska. (Ariel wants her. Bad.)

Photo: EdytaSliwinska.com

In other DWTS news, the Nutshot King Tom Bergeron called Steve Guttenberg "one of the biggest box office stars of the last 20 years." To which reader Yanni texted me "I hadn't realized 'Cocoon: The Return' was such a hit."

Not sure why you'd want to, but it's an interesting campaign gimmick nonetheless.


"Once you complete each region, you will be taken to the next region and the final matchups. Please also fill in a prediction for the total points scored in the championship game as a tiebreaker. Once you have completed your picks, please click "Submit" and your bracket will be saved. You can edit your bracket until Thursday at noon (Eastern)."

Scoring: You will receive 1 point for each correct winner in round 1, 2 points for each correct winner in round 2, 4 points for each correct winner in round 3, 8 points for each correct winner in round 4, 16 points for each correct winner in round 5 and 32 points for correctly picking the 2008 champion. Prizes will be awarded to three Team members with the top scores. First place will receive a McCain 2008 Fleece, second place will receive a McCain 2008 Hat and third place will receive a McCain 2008 Lapel Pin.

Part 2 of our 4+ part Darwinism NCAA Tournament.

This is the West.

SEE ALSO:
Charles Darwin Bracket: Midwest
Charles Darwin Bracket: East
Charles Darwin Bracket: South

Round 1

(16) Devil over (1) Bruin

The demon will destroy the Bruin as ruthlessly and selfishly as Kevin Love's uncle did the Beach Boys.

(8) Cougars over (9) Aggies

Farm boys don't stand a chance against prowling cougars.

(5) Bulldog over (12) Hill Topper

Last time they met, the dog ravaged Bubba. But in his defense, he claims to have not been on top of Hill in years.

(13) Torero over (4) Husky

Do you know what a Torero is? Neither did I. It's a bullfighter I found out. I figure if a torero can take a bull, it can take a dog. even if he's clad in a sequenced vest and leotards.

(11) Bear over (6) Boilermaker

If man were facing a any other animal, I'd give him a chance. Even with his trusty mallet, I don't see the boilermaker getting a clean shot in.

(3) Musketeers over (14) Bulldog

First, enough with the bulldogs in this tournament. Second, why do Musketeers wield swords instead of muskets? Regardless, the Musketeers put the doggy out of its (and my) misery.

(7) Mountaineer over (10) Wild Cat

Grizzly Adams will skin you alive, feline. Not even your melon helmet can save you.

(2) Devil over (15) Bear

What the deuce? Another bear/devil match up? Don't mess with Beelz.

Round 2

(16) Devil over (8) Cougar

The cougars sold their souls long ago. Time for the Devil to cash in.

(5) Bulldog over (13) Terero and (11) Bear over (3) Musketeers

Men in tight pants only go so far against carnivorous animals.

(2) Devil over (7) Mountaineers

Ever wonder where Kevin Pittsnogle was? The Devil knows.

Sweet 16

(16) Devil over (5) Bulldog and (2) Devil over (11) Bear

I don't like where this is going.

Elite 8

(2) Devil / (16) Devil

When the devil plays the devil, everyone goes to hell.

---

SEE ALSO: Charles Darwin Bracket: Midwest

The Discovery Channel used to have a fine program called "Animal Face-off." Where they would pit say a Siberian tiger against, say a brown bear. And through science and simulation will tell you who would win.

You can actually see some match-ups here. Go on. It's fun. I just learned that the Siberian tiger would beat a walrus.

We decided that since our NCAA brackets always get busted early and often, that we would take this approach when filling them out this year.

--

SEE ALSO:
Charles Darwin Bracket: West
Charles Darwin Bracket: East
Charles Darwin Bracket: South

Round 1

(16) Viking over (1) Jayhawk

There are very few creatures on this planet or any that can defeat an armed viking, nonetheless a bird.

(8) Rebel over (9) Flash

An action will not defeat a human. Even if that action is performed by a human.

(5) Tiger over (12) Wild Cat

Wild cats are cute, sure. But they don't stand a chance against a ferocious tiger.

(4) Commodores over (13) Saints

While Saints may have the power of the Almighty on their side, I don't see them having much of a fighting spirit. Plus the Commodores were some bad mo-fos.

(11) Wild Cat over (6) Trojan

The wild cat might just take this one.

(14) Titan over (3) Badger

While badgers are flat nasty and I was inclined to give it the edge, I don't see its razor sharp teeth penetrating some good armor.

(7) Bulldog over (10) Wild Cat

Nice try, kitty.

(2) Bulldog over (15) Retriever

Try as the retriever will to outsmart the lazy bulldog, the bulldog is just too powerful.

Round 2

(16) Viking over (8) Rebel

He's a rebel and he never, ever does what he should.

(5) Tiger over (4) Commodores

Commodores were lucky to get past the first round. The well runs dry against a tiger, who will shred them. Think Sigfried and Roy.

(14) Titan over (11) Wild Cat

No more prophylactics in the tourney. Go back to boozing, you bum.

(2) Bulldog over (7) Bulldog

A Ron Mexico wet dream, the Ewing family Hoya sweat gland will drown the Eastern Washingtonians.

Sweet 16

(16) Viking over (5) Tiger

A little known fact is that Vikings used to eat tigers for brunch.

(10) Titan over (2) Bulldog

A little known fact, Titans prefer their Vietnamese food chock full of dog.

Elite 8

(16) Vikings over (10) Titan

Vikings are just too damned seasoned for the formidable Titan.

Your 2008 NCAA regional champs, #16 seed Portland State Vikings.

Photo: NYT

A call-in from Phillie fan favorite Chris Coste was being hyped by the WIP Morning Show. They noted that the catcher "sniffs his own bat after a good hard hit."

He's either got himself an interesting on-field habit or he is a sick well-endowed freak.



We have little doubt he sniffs his own fingers when he rips the TP, too.

Another weekend has passed and I picked up yet another footlocker of cards from my parents garage.

Let's just say, I was happy I did.

Had I not, I would not be inspired this St. Pat's Day morning thanks to Steve "Mongo" McMichael.

As only Topps can, the back of the card is chock full of interesting and useless tidbits about the player featured. A line reads, "Steve's wife Debra is a former Miss Illinois."

Which is interesting because her Wikipedia page states that the noted WWF(E) Diva "was a beauty pageant participant, winning the runner-up for Miss Texas USA in 1984." Someone doesn't have their facts straight, but then again Debra got around - in more ways than one. She went on to marry "Stone Cold" Steve Austin, only to have him physically abuse her.

Regardless, Believe & achieve. Believe and achieve, kids.

And don't let your dreams stop at football or sports entertainment.

Bernie Kosar proves that even jocks can reach their goals when they set their minds to it. Hell, looking at Bernie, they can even do your taxes.

His 1992 Pro Line Profile card states "Bernie Kosar is not your typical professional athlete. He negotiates his own contracts and manages his own investments."


I don't doubt it. He looks like a real David Kleinfeld.

No matter how much attention Client #9 gets, New Jersey refuses to take a backseat to New York in the political scandal department.

The New York Post is reporting: The McGreeveys' Secret: Former Driver: I had a threesome with Jim & Dina.

Maybe the Trenton Thunder should jump on this and go all Macon Music on McG.

"Menage-A-Trois Night" at Waterfront Park?

The comedians that moonlight as Trentonian headline writers, infamous for such bits as "Roasted Nuts" and "He Took It in the Butt," have apparently infiltrated the sport section and are now trying new material on bylines.

Ladies and gents, "Ben Doody":

'Fight club' busted at Fairview High School

Seriously, What Would Tyler Durden Do?

If the first rule of Fight Club is not to talk about Fight Club, rule number two should be "Do not have Fight Club in public."

Boulder police spokeswoman Sarah Huntley said Thursday that 10 Fairview students, all boys, have been ticketed on suspicion of public brawling. Police think they were part of a club of friends that regularly met near the South Boulder Recreation Center for public "street fighting."

Huntley cited, "First and foremost, we're concerned about injuries to kids. This was not supervised wrestling or boxing. ...This was basically street-fighting for fun."

Boulder Valley School District spokesman Briggs Gamblin said, "The administrators are working to figure out who's involved and how to stop it. The feeling is there's several others they need to find."

Fairview High principal Donald Stensrud: "It's a blood sport. It is so antithetical to what we want our young men and women to do, and what we teach them to do."

Whoa whoa whoa whoa.

Is this not America?

If two willing individuals want to fight for fun, who is "the man" to intervene? It's ok for MMA, WWE, WBF and all these other sanctioned acronyms to put on fights, but not consenting individuals? It's these big business corporations that run this country pissed off that they aren't getting a cut, and they are using the PD and school district as their enforcers.

Randy Marsh would like a word with you people.

I am an unapologetic Phillies phan. I don't root for anyone else. But I enjoy baseball and needling my friends.

With Fat Willard a Yankee fan and the chief being a card carrying member of Red Sox Nation (whatever that is), I want a piece of AL East action, just for the hell of it, and because I'd like to see someone knock them (both Willard/chief and Yankees/Sox) off their high horses.

I can't root for the Blue Jays due to 1993, nor can I root for the Orioles because of 1983.

So that leaves me with one team...
This works for me. First, they've proven they can put the Yankees in their place. Second, they aren't half bad.

Plus, I lived for a short time between Tampa and St. Pete's. And I am in the 10th year of a MLB keeper league, anchored by two contracted carry-overs from last season - Chase Utley and one Mr. Carl Crawford.

So I hope my new friends at Rays Index will welcome me with open arms.

First the 'Squan cracks down on beerpong, now Seaside Police are in trouble for cracking some heads.

Seaside Park settles 7 lawsuits claiming excessive police force

Let's be honest, do these guys really deserve a beatdown?











Thanks to GuidoFistPump.com for vids.

With folks undertaking fantasy baseball drafts across the country, today we introduce a new velvety segment to HHR from contributer "The Fantasy Fog." He really has no qualifications to consider himself an "expert" other than the fact that he is a knowledgeable fan who pays attention, a fantasy player and has a pulse, a brain and a keyboard. And, really, doesn't that describe any other "fantasy expert" you know?

----------

Smelly Yanks rotation: Chang is the only real reliable starter and usually I never draft him. Despite his high win totals each year, I rather take pitchers who strike people out. I rather have Snell, John Maine, Gallardo, Rich Hill..etc. Mussina is a fifth starter…in the National League. Fans will lose patience with this sensitive country boy and he will be drawn to tears. He will probably go on the DL to save face. Ian Kennedy and Phil Hughes are decent value picks late, but I would not be surprised if either didn’t pan out. Hughes near no hitter put him in good fantasy graces, but his velocity is way down this spring. You never know what you are going to get with Pettitte. His elbow has to be hanging by a micro thread from those cutters he throws 97% of the time. He is not the strikeout man he used to be and it seems like he follows up a great start with a terrible start. The Yankees offense seems to bail him out…alot. I guess it is reward for all the losing streaks he ended years ago. That killer AL East can really hammer good pitchers ERA’s. Or in the Yankees case; average pitchers. Fantasy wise I am staying away from these guys till late in drafts. It actually seems like I am drafting “old” Yankee pitchers before the current guys. Randy Johnson, Vazquez, Weaver. O yeah I am a Yankee fan.

Outfielder Depth: I have found that OF is not as deep as everyone thinks it is. The outfield position is filled with 3rd or 4th outfield types that have mid-low 2 upside. There is not a lot of 1 tier depth at outfield. I still think Manny can be a #1 OF and is going rather cheap-third or fourth round. Trust me if you don’t have some decent OF’s you will see the lack of depth pretty early in the draft.

#2 isn’t all that bad: That is what my wife said. She could not grab that elite tier guy, so she had to settle. Markakis, Rios, Byrnes, and Corey Hart make A LOT better #2 then they do 1’s. I guess that is why I like those guys.(coming in second and all) With that being said, if you draft two second tier guys in a row, around the 5th or 6th, you will not have to worry for a while and take care of your other needs. That is assuming you do not grab a Beltran, Soriano, or Crawford type. Don’t think for one second my wife isn’t still looking to upgrade.

Four Outfielders: Love those four OF leagues. Three isn’t enough “action” for me anyway. Those leagues open the door more on taking a chance on the next Cory Hart, Victorino types. Having two active Catchers is like having 2 junkie classic cars on your front lawn, when for the same price you can buy a Honda Civic.

SaB: In researching 1b in one of my online drafts, I again noticed the strange resemblance of Lance Berkman and NASCAR nasty boy Tony Stewart. The good ole #20 should not complain too much about tires. That fifth tire under his belt probably put his car over the limit.

-posted by The Fantasy Fog

Obama, Clinton, McCain?

Weak.

How about this guy?

As reported in the New Hampshire's Examiner, in his forthcoming book Don't Start the Revolution Without Me! due out April 1, former wrestler and Minnesota governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura writes, "As I begin to write this book, I’m facing probably the most monumental decision of my 56 years on this planet. Will I run for president of the United States, as an independent, in 2008? Or will I stay as far away from the fray as possible, in a place with no electricity, on a remote beach in Mexico?"

Obviously this venture would require obscene amount of financial backing. So who better to bank roll the campaign then Vincent K. McMahon who pledged to back Ventura's campaign "100 percent, with everything I’ve got."

Looking to watch a little hoops while on the job?

If you'd rather not go directly through CBSSports.com's NCAA March Madness on Demand which "allows you to watch LIVE game broadcasts of CBS Sports television coverage of the NCAA Championship on your computer for FREE!", Joost, a free online app, has partnered with CBS to provide live streaming for all the games without ads.

Capitalizing on the ex-NY governor's involvement in a prostitution ring and sex scandal that has dominated the news this week, the South Coast League's Macon Music is promoting Eliot Spitzer Night at Luther Williams Field for the June 13 game against the Aiken Foxhounds.

An official Music release states that during “Eliot Spitzer” Night, the following elements will exist:

1. The Music have extended an invitation for former New York Governor Spitzer to be on hand and throw out the first pitch
2. The team will give away a New York Vacation including a one night stay at the MayFlower Hotel
3. Client #9 (or fan #9) will receive a free Music prize pack
4. Any fan with the name Eliot, Spitzer, or “Kristen” along with any fan from New York will receive $1 off admission
5. The Music will play Frank Sinatra music throughout the evening in honor of New York
6. Wire Taps will be placed throughout the ballpark this evening
7. ATMs will be available for cash withdrawals not to exceed $5,000 per hour
8. Any fan who has resigned their position will be given $1 off admission
9. The 871 fan will receive a gift certificate for the Macon Music Team store.

You know what. Hell, it's funny. We want in on the fun.

As such, HHR will offer a free weekly guest post throughout the Music's season to recap Macon games on our site to any fan who send us a picture of themselves wearing our Spitzer #9 baseball jersey at Luther Williams Field.

And how do you like that? It even matched the Music's color scheme!

Click Here to Order!

PI: Olympia rejects help for arena

Despite four private owners offer to fund half of the "$300 million upgrade to the Seattle Center arena in an attempt to keep NBA basketball in the area," and Seattle Mayor Nickels offering to pony up half of the remaining $150 million in hopes that the state would match the city funding, Washington legislators are urging Seattle to fund itself for an additional year and come back later to the state for help.

All seem to be hoping for an immediate short term fix to allow time to solve the long-term funding issues.

The business group has set an April 10 deadline for a solution before its own $150 million offer expires, with the goal of getting a tangible arena solution in place before NBA owners are asked to vote on Sonics owner Clay Bennett's request to relocate the team to Oklahoma City at the NBA Board of Governors meeting on April 17-18.

It's the classic Geno vs. Pat rivalry. Personally, I prefer Tony Luke.

From FanHouse: Geno Auriemma on Pat Summitt: 'She's Not Playing Us Because She Hates My Guts'

Geno: "I think she should just come out and say she's not playing us because she hates my guts. And I think people would buy that. Then everyone [who seeks a reason] would be happy. She should just say that [Geno is] a dope, a smart-ass and then everyone could say that they agree with her."

Fat Mike and Chris spent an eternity arguing the Yankees' Billy Crystal stunt. While Mike essentially shrugged it off, Chris was vocally peeved by the whole thing. While people tried to argue that Russo would have no qualms getting on the court with Federer, and Willard pointed out he would likely jump at the chance to suit up for his beloved SF Giants, Chris was in full denial mode.

Let's just say the whole idea is "shaky" at best. Listen to the Doggy yelp.

The Laker legend helped discover a cure for AIDS with the help of two brave infected friends from South Park, Colorado.

Thunder Valley!! The highest banked track on the circuit!!

Let's hope this year is a little better than last. Needless to say, the COT's debut at Bristol last year was disappointing to say the least.

At least there might be some excitement in the points. This week marks the last race where the 2007 points will be used to determine the top 35 and those who are on "go-or-go-home" status. After this week, 2008 points will be used to determine who's automatically locked into the field each week. And right now, it's getting tight around the 35th position.

Guys like our C List driver, Vickers should be able to breathe a sigh of relief, as he currently sits 9th. However, some of the open-wheel rookies are going to start really sweating. Franchitti at 38, Carpentier at 43, and Villenueve at 48 need to start drastically improving or they may start facing sponsor trouble as they become weekly "go-or-go-home" drivers. Could get interesting . . .

Well, at least the fantasy picks were relatively easy.

A List
- Jeff Gordon (24)
B List
- Greg Biffle (16)
C List
- Brian Vickers (83)

Some say the Yankee dynasty and mystique ended with a Luis Gonzalez single off Mariano Rivera in the 2001 World Series. Some feel it came crumbling down in 2004 after dropping four straight to the rival Red Sox. Maybe nothing will ever be the same after the 'House that Ruth Built', a piece of sports and American history, gets torn down in 2009.

My opinion? March 12, 2008.....



....whatever time of day this picture was taken.

CAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

Golf Digest listed the Top 200 golfers on the hill in their April issue.

"This mix of senators, representatives, appointed officials, lobbyists and other power brokers represents a Washington golf scene still vibrant despite post-Abramoff limits on golf as entertainment."

Number one was T-Mobil Lobbyist Tony Russo.

Here are the top ten-ranked Members of Congress.

1. John Yarmuth D-IN
2. Joe Baca D-CA
3. Mark Udall D-CO
4. Mike Ferguson R-NJ
5. Zach Wamp R-TN
6. Bob Corker R-TN
7. Steve Buyer R-IN
8. John Boehner R-OH
9. John Ensign R-NV
10. Mike Simpson R-ID

Careful Rocco. Nothing over 2.9. Don't push yourself.

Not to be outdone by Mike Hampton, Rocco Baldelli once again finds himself 'injured.' This time Baldelli is 'extremely fatigued.'

Tampa Bay's Rocco Baldelli will begin the season on the disabled list because of a condition that the 26-year-old outfielder says leaves him extremely fatigued after short workouts.

Baldelli was also quoted as saying 'I am not used to these conditions. Playing a game the day after I played a game. How can a person do this 162 times. It's impossible. Torture even.'

Myrtle Beach Online is reporting that "People who organize or participate in cockfights could be charged with a felony, but onlookers would still face a misdemeanor under a bill sent Tuesday to the Senate floor."

Sen. John Hawkins argued for increased penalties for cockfighting, citing that "people who fight the birds now consider the misdemeanor, which carries no minimum fine, the cost of doing business."

Hawkins was also pushing for making watching a cockfight and possessing the birds felonies. Cooler heads in the Senate prevailed saying it made no sense "when it's only a misdemeanor to beat your wife or drive drunk."

Hawkins argued keeping participation a misdemeanor would make South Carolina a haven for people from other states who want to fight the birds.

(Like say...Florida by way of Port St. Lucie?)

Mackey Wins Iditarod

Having done some business traveling in my day, I often try to take in a minor league baseball game or two. For no other reason I find them truly creative - both the games themselves as well as the marketing of the teams.

CNBC is hosting a Minor League Baseball Logo awards contest, something we thought about doing on here in the past. It is currently on Day 3. Be sure to check it out and vote for your favorites.

Minor League Baseball Logo Awards -- Day Three
Minor League Baseball Logo Awards -- Day Two
Minor League Baseball Logo Contest--Day One--Voting Begins!

We are partial to the Trenton Thunder, Albuquerque Isotopes, Savannah Sand Gnats and the Montgomery Biscuits.

A lot of folks have been up in arms about right wing nutjob Laura Ingram's comments about Brett Favre's tearful retirement press conference. Why would you even care what she said? Especially bloggers who spend hours a day making fun of athletes for doing the exact same thing? Have the bloggers who perpetually attack Peter King and John Madden's infatuation with #4 caught the King/Madden love bug? We are the first ones to poke fun at TO's "That's my quarterback" performance. And Dick Vermeil crying jokes never get old - and he's a 90-year- old man.

And come on, look at this video below from Brett's presser. Can you disagree with Ingram?



Oh wait. That's not Brett? My bad. Honest mistake. Looked just like him the other day.

Paterson, NJ is the birthplace of athletes Marcel Shipp, Rubin "The Hurricane" Carter and Larry Doby. It was also the birthplace of former Jersey City State College (now New Jersey City University) basketball player Bob Delaney. Delaney, an NBA ref since 1987, was previously a member of the NJ State Police, who like fellow Patersonian Joe "Donnie Brasco" Pistone, went undercover to infiltrate the mob.

He tells his story in the book Covert: My Years Infiltrating the Mob. I happened to pick it up recently, and am having a hard time tearing myself away from it. I even got past the fact that Bill Walton wrote the intro.

That is all. (Oh yeah, check it out).

I hope other Loser fans were as astonished as I when at 9:59, the show ended without the revelation as to which contestant, Brittany or Maggie, were getting the send-off.

Listen-up, NBC, you are assuming viewers will stand for far more than what we are willing to actually accept.

My colleague C.R. Dunbar is sick of the same stupid music and the rewind after commerical breaks. I myself have put up with these 2 hour shows for 1.5 seasons now, and I am getting sick of it. You're lucky that I am underwhelmed by this seasons' Idol contestants or else I'd have jumped ship weeks ago.

Last night's "cliffhanger" was more than I could bear. With real TV on the verge of a comeback I am going to find it hard to set aside all 120 minutes to the Biggest Loser. Especially when you use 1 whole hour (well, 40 min if you count the 20 minutes spent watching the rewind after a commerical break) weighing in past contestants to see who lost the most weight at home, and could rejoin the show.

The only thing you have going for you is that Jillian is a loose-cannon and can start cursing at a moments notice.

You better get your sh*t together, or else.

Where's the outrage? Not at the whole "blackface thing," but at what a terrible Barkley impression this is.

No one can seem to report a straight story whether or not/if and when NY Governor Eliot Spitzer is going to step down.

Should he do so, blind Lt. Gov. David Paterson would make history becoming the first African-American to be governor of the Empire State. He would also be the first Rod Woodson lookalike to hold the office.

mlb.com

Yesterday Dan Gross reported:

Shane Victorino broke news of his engagement, cryptically, with a joking request for 102.9 WMGK's John DeBella, an ordained minister, to officiate his wedding next year. The Flyin' Hawaiian said he was getting married "maybe in the end of '09," during an interview on DeBella's morning show the other day.

Victorino and Melissa Smith will wed in November 2009 in Hawaii, Phillies fun and games director John Brazer confirmed yesterday. The couple, who live together in Las Vegas in the off-season, had a daughter Kali'a Makenna Victorino in March of last year.

I know you're thinking, "Who shives a git?" Well, we do. Why you ask? Well, one of our top search engine referrals is for some form of the phrase "Shane Victorino Groupies."

Word to the wise ladies, double bag it with the two-timer, at least according to this message board.

Here is what some of its commenters are saying:

• HAS MANY WOMEN, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES GIRLS OR DOUBLE GLOVE IT WITH HIM EW
• he is a scumbag! i used to know him when he played for the Scranton Red Barons....
• He did hook uo with girls when she was pregnant. He was hooking up with a bartender from McFaddens named Amy. His girl found out, and it hit the fan.
• Biggest scumbag on the face of the earth.
  
• Thats ashame. I hooked up with him while his girlfriend was pregnant. Guess Im not a fan of his anymore. His girlfriend should make sure he stops being a typical man
• i plan on f*cking him at spring training this year - so fiance and rat kid or not he is so sexy and i want his baby too! - heather

If you are wondering what players are (or aren't) available (and what people are saying about it), check out the MLB Player Girlfriend Forum.

In Sunday's Trenton Times, Eagles beat writer Mark Eckel referred to Lincoln Financial Field as "The place where Pro Bowl players go to die" when referencing the departure of Javon Kearse and Takeo Spikes, and the likely future departure of Darren Howard. Each of those three were deemed major acquisitions and were expected to reap huge benefits. While an argument can be made for or against their play in Philadelphia, it is safe to say they never lived up to their difference-making expectations.

Since it opened its doors in 2003, LFF has wreaked havoc on the Birds' Pro Bowl caliber players.

2003

Jon Ritchie - Just the type of player Eagle fans craved, a hard-nosed FB coming from Oakland's Black Hole, "after starting for the Eagles for only two seasons, he was cut by the Eagles after a devastating knee injury during the off-season that could not be fully repaired." While not a Pro Bowler per se, he certainly was among the best blocking fullbacks in the game before coming to Philly.


Corey Simon - A Pro Bowl selection in 2003, the Birds tried to franchise him following the 2004 season. After being unable to reach an agreement, he signed with the Colts only to gain 125 pounds and waddle his way off the Super Bowl roster.

Troy Vincent - A 5x Pro Bowl selection (1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003) and 3x All-Pro selection (2000, 2001, 2002), he left Philadelphia following the 2003 season, switched positions and was never heard from again outside of NFLPA labor negotiations.

Bobby Taylor - 2002 Pro Bowler and All-Pro, spent one season in 2004 with Seattle and then retired.

2004

Hugh Douglas - A 3 time Pro Bowler with the Eagles, spent the 2004 season in Jacksonville returned to the Eagles in 2004 to be put to pasture.

Michael Lewis - Named Pro Bowl starter in 2004 and led the Eagles in tackles in 2005. Left Eagles to sign a grossly inflated contract with San Fran. Likely to never live up to paycheck.

Jeremiah Trotter - Returned to the Eagles at LFF in 2004 for two productive Pro Bowl-caliber seasons (having to fight his way to a starting job off of special teams), only to be marred by injuries and let go.

2005

Shawn Barber - Like Ritchie, not a Pro Bowler, per se, but a damned good player...when he was with the Chiefs in between Eagle stints.

Today

McNabb and Westbrook continue to fight the curse despite being mauled by injuries.

It remains to be seen what happened with two current Eagles - one new, one likely soon-to-be-former. Time will tell how the Field of Broken Dreams treats Asante Samuel and Lito Sheppard.

...we come down much harder on sports.

Geraldine Ferraro is to Rush Limbaugh as Barack Obama is to Donovan McNabb.

From ABC News' Political Punch:

Clinton campaign finance committee member, former vice presidential candidate, and former Rep. Geraldine Ferraro, D-NY, told the Daily Breeze of Torrance, Ca., that, "If Obama was a white man, he would not be in this position. And if he was a woman (of any color) he would not be in this position. He happens to be very lucky to be who he is. And the country is caught up in the concept."

Is she saying that the public "has been very desirous that a black [presidential hopeful] do well?"

For some reason I don't see Walter Mondale's former running mate getting as much flack for this as the overweight pundit did.

We often touch on politics here at arms length. Usually when it pertains to athletes making uninformed endorsements.

Living in NJ, we stumbled upon this online ad for Ron Paul-endorsed Libertarian Republican US Senate candidate "The American Dweam" Murray Sabrin.

If only all politicians took this wrestling-related approach to campaigning, surely it would reach a much broader audience.



Imagine the "pop" Obama would get if he came out to the Slickster's old theme.



Yeah that was wrong. but oh so funny.

Nothing says yuppie New Englander like a Volvo hatchback.

Nothing says toolbox like driving a car plastered with decals and logos.

Unfortunately for Dice-K said logos are not Japanese symbols.

Volvo is partnering with the Boston Red Sox and "is building a limited run of its new C30 hatchback to commemorate the team’s championship season in 2007," offering 107 (Boston's '07 win total) of the C30s.

Each will have a plaque telling owners which of the 107 wins the car is commemorating. They’re finished in Passion Red paint with team logos on the fenders and rear glass hatch, as well as on the floormats. There’s also matte-silver finish on the mirrors and grille, plus a hefty array of features, including an alarm, fog lights, heated front seats, sport shifter and pedals, and a beefed-up audio system.

All the special editions come with a five-speed automatic and 227-hp, turbocharged five-cylinder engine and will cost $29,465, not including a $745 destination charge. That’s compared to the C30 2.0’s MSRP of $25,700. Of course, the special editions will only be sold at select New England Volvo dealers.

If you would enjoy this, but aren't lucky enough to score one of the 107, perhaps we could interest you in one of these.