Today, Fat Willard and I, along with a few friends (Taco1, GMan, the Professor and Illuminati) had the honor of being able to visit the White House, as the World Champion New York Football Giants made their obligatory visit.

Despite being a die hard Eagle fan, I must admit, it was one damn cool experience.

(Oh, and I offered the Pillsbury Throw Boy an invite to my Derby party, but he politely declined.)

Below are some shots we got, with plenty more to come...

Rusty brought up an interesting point commenting in the chief's post, "Obama's Pick-Up Game." Did UNC violate NCAA rules with Coach Williams being present at a team "pick-up" game?"

You decide...

17.5.2.2 Prohibited Activities. Prior to the start of on-court preseason basketball practice per Bylaw 17.5.2, members of the institution’s coaching staff may not be involved with one or more team members at any location in any of the following activities except as permitted in Bylaws 17.1.6.2.2 and 17.5.6: (Revised: 1/10/90 effective 8/1/92, 1/11/94, 1/14/97 effective 8/1/97)

(a) Setting up offensive or defensive alignments;
(b) Chalk talks;
(c) Discussions of game strategy;
(d) Reviewing game films or videotapes;
(e) Activities using basketball equipment; or
(f ) Observing student-athletes in any basketball activities even if such activities are not arranged by the institution’s coach. (Revised: 9/23/05)

17.5.2.2.1 Exception—Team Promotional Activities. Team promotional activities (e.g., autograph sessions, fan picture sessions, meeting with fans) per Bylaw 12.5.1 are permissible prior to the start of on-court preseason basketball practice per Bylaw 17.5.2, provided these promotional arrangements do not involve any of the practice activities prohibited under the provisions of Bylaw 17.5.2.2. (Revised: 1/11/94, 1/14/97 effective 8/1/97)

17.5.2.2.2 Exception—Officiating Clinic. Prior to the start of on-court preseason basketball practice per Bylaw 17.5.2, student-athletes may observe an officiating clinic related to playing rules that is conducted by video conference, provided no student-athlete misses class time to observe the clinic. (Adopted: 1/9/96; Revised: 1/14/97 effective 8/1/97)

17.5.3 First Contest. A member institution shall not play its first contest (game or scrimmage) with outside competition in basketball prior to the second Friday of November (see Figure 17-2). (Revised: 4/27/06 effective 8/1/06; contracts signed before 1/8/06 for events scheduled to occur prior to the second Friday in November may be honored.)

17.5.3.1 Exceptions. The following basketball contests (games or scrimmages) are permitted prior to the first contest dates specified under Bylaw 17.5.3:

(a) Practice Scrimmages. Informal practice scrimmages with outside competition, provided they are conducted in privacy without publicity or official scoring. Individuals other than athletics department staff members and those necessary to conduct a basketball practice scrimmage against outside competition may not be present during such a scrimmage. The institution shall ensure that the scrimmage is free from public view; (Revised: 10/27/98 effective 8/1/99, 5/12/05)

Rusty's second favorite track is arguably the best track to see a race live. Richmond International Raceway (RIR) is a 3/4 mile tri-oval with multiple groves of racing. Cars can pass high, low, and all over the track, even though passing on the bottom seems to be the preferred method of winning races with a little rubbin of course.

Under the lights at RIR is some of the best night racing, if not the best night racing all season. It'll probably be a bit chilly this weekend, which means the cars will have A LOT of grip. And since this is the 2nd year they've raced the COT at Richmond, they will have figured a few things out by now.

As usual, look for Hendrick and Gibbs to run up front, with Roush and RCR close behind. HMS has Dale Jr. who's best track is Richmond, and Gibbs has got the shrub who also excels in the capital of the confederacy. But don't count out Denny Hamlin. Hamlin is from Chesterfield (Rusty's home county), and just across the river from the track. He'd love to win at his home track, and he might have the equipment to do it, this year. This weekend's race also marks the 2 year anniversary of JR's last win, and after a disappointing late wreck last weekend the fans feel like he's on the cusp on breaking the streak. So, I'll go against convention and use the same driver 2 weeks in a row.

A List
- D Hamlin (11)
B List
- D Earnhardt Jr. (88)
C List
- P Menard (15)

Apparently the Warrior is making a return to professional wrestling.... in Spain.

After more than a decade away from the biz, Warrior is coming back with a vengence taking on WWE champion Orlando Jordan, June 22nd in Barcelona.

Ren's brother in law shipped us this little gem from a local radio station down in the Carolina's.

Apparently Warrior likes to name drop his more impressive media outings, discussing his apparences on Fox News and the like, when he discussed his feelings on performance enhancing drugs and other topics of choice (as you'll notice in the interview he keeps trying to go back to those other topics...).

I have to say one thing though, he sounds less crazy on radio than he does on his blog.

That Golic gets to compete with the best.

This morning on Mike and Mike, as Ren and I were both getting ready for the daily grind, we overheard an interesting tidbit about competitive eating. Turns out Golic will be going head to head with 3 of the top competitors in a wing eating contest on air tomorrow, his penance for losing to Greeny in the Mike and Mike bracket wager.

Watch out Chestnut, he's coming after you next.

We've seen door to door campaigning this election year, but this is one of the few full-court presses. Presidential candidate Barack Obama played a quick pick-up game with the UNC Tarheels.




At the one minute mark, you see him drive the lane and put up a nifty finger roll, that rolls out. Suck on that, hope/change.

According to the article,

After about six to seven minutes of play, Obama took a seat near Williams. Reporters weren't allowed close enough to hear what they discussed.

We think that he and Williams probably just talked bball and the Kansas game. And farm subsidies. Williams is well known as the team's policy wonk. Always with his head in one of those darn book-learning things!

via Tom M & his insistance on reading Duke Basketball Report

AI

So, last night I was able to finally take in some American Idol. And thankfully, I think this season worked out in my favor. I wasn't too jazzed about many of the people in the competition so coming in with only 5 left was probaby a good idea.

David Cook is definitely the best one, and hopefully America will agree. I think Jason Castro is boring and I mean, who needs another Jack Johnson or John Mayer? David Archuleta can sing, but he just looks like a baby, and what kind of album would he really make if he won? He should try broadway or something first... he has the voice for it. Anyways, hopefully Castro will be heading home, but fear it'll be Syesha eventhough she did well last night.

DWTS

Thankfully Shannon Elizabeth got sent home last night. I don't dislike her for any real reason. She is cute, and never really had a problem with her before. But her crying and overall whiny antics (she complained about an outfit that was made for her, and requested a new one) on the show just kind of turned me off. That combined with the fact that she was clearly too tall for ballroom dance, and has NO hips (must be easy for her to buy jeans.... BITCH), I mean she just wasn't fun to watch. At least she and Derek can now make their relationship legitimate.

So that leaves us with Jason Taylor, Cristian de la Fuente, Kristi Yamaguchi, Marissa Jaret Winokur, and Mario. I think the next to go will be Mario or Marissa, though I like Marissa. Hopefully Cristian's arm will hold up for the rest of the competition because is fun to watch.

Can you smell it? That quaffing aroma in the air is the smell of the Kentucky Derby. The mixture of horse sweat and manure brings a smile to my face.

My derby day will consist of going to the local racetrack early in the morning to make my bets, come home, start drinking, prepare for my derby party, watch some races on ESPN, drink some more, yell at the TV, coax people into drinking, make an off color remark about someone in the room, amuse myself in others’ discomfort, persuade people to gamble, ease up on the drinking by going to beer rather than liquor, start the grill, sloppily eat a burger, try to get people to drink more with me and then kick everyone out because I have to put the baby to sleep. I’m excited.

As I mentioned, the beginning part of the day consists of placing bets and coming home to watch the action. Rather than the standard handicapper that stays at the track, I watch my races on ESPN and NBC. If the broadcast is reminiscent of the Breeders Cup, watching the races will be a low point in the day.

During the Breeders Cup, the public had to suffer through hours of Kenny Mayne. Mayne has a place at the WWL, but being a major contributor to a four to five hour long broadcast is like a five beer beer-bong. The first bit is ok, but there is more, oh man, more, oh no, it keeps coming, I can’t. Uh, I made a mess.

Yeah, I get it Kenny, you’re sarcastic. Funny.

To add to the nausea, they put Mayne at a kiddie table with Hank Goldberg. The already disheveled Goldberg is only further confounded by Mayne’s stylings.

If ESPN is serious about horse racing and want people to watch their broadcast, the producers should reformat the show immediately.

However, my biggest qualm is with the changeover from ESPN to NBC. I have missed the second biggest race of the day the past few years because either ESPN cuts its broadcast to short or NBC fails to air it. This year’s Woodford Reserve Turf Classic post time is at 4:52 p.m. NBC begins to air its Kentucky Derby coverage at 5 p.m. The race will have implications in my Pick 4, Pick 3, Daily Double and whatever else wager I place on the race. I need to see this race. I don’t want to keep hitting refresh on my computer for results.

If you refuse to show this race, so help me, I will haunt your loveless dreams.

Anywho, I’m still excited.

Check early and often this week for the Reverend and my picks. Last time we delivered the Pick 3, we can only get better with age, right?

Well, it's taken ole Rusty a few days to digest the greatness that was Talladega. What a race!! I really hope y'all tuned in. Usually, the boys will ride around for hours waiting for the opportunity to get positions. Not this year. It seemed like from the moment the green flag dropped until the end everybody, and I mean everybody, was beating and banging, just jockeying for position.

As expected, "The Big One" occurred towards the end of the race and it took out a few great drivers, including my own beloved Dale Jr. Fortunately for me, and his legion of fans, he was still able to manage a top 10 finish, after starting 31st with just a handful of laps to go. HMS Power meets Earnhardt blood!!

But enough about my boy, I'm sure anyone who watched wants to know what ole Rusty thought of the Shrub's questionable pass for the lead. You see, NASCAR rules stipulate that at Daytona and Talladega, a driver cannot advance their position when their car (left side tires) are below the yellow line. It's NASCAR's out of bounds. At 'Dega on Sunday, the Shrub passed for the lead by going below the yellow line. NASCAR did not rule it a penalty because there is an exception when a driver is forced to go below the yellow line (to avoid wrecking).

As far as I can tell most of the pundits, fans, and reporters agree with NASCAR, but ole Rusty's just not sure. If that's what they ruled, that's what they ruled. Human error in rule enforcement is part of sports, but I don't know, just don't seem right to me.

I reckon what comes around, goes around, and Shrub's "checkers or wreckers" driving style will come back to bite him. I just hope he don't mess my boy up doing so.

But now, it's time for a little spit-n-shine for horseys followed by Rusty's favorite track to visit . . . Richmond.

So, y'all come back now, hear?

Posing for Annie Leibovitz as part of the "Disney Dream Portrait Series, " drinking and driving enthusiast and Olympic hero, Michael Phelps, must be punch drunk mad in posing as a beautiful mermaid and becoming a "modern dancer."

Said Leibovitz:

"One of the most complicated shots I have ever done. I didn't know if it was going to work, what to expect. I have to tell you, he was beautiful. Michael put on that tail and ... he just became like a modern dancer. He just took to it and enjoyed himself and swam through this tank. I was blown away."

"It was kind of weird to be able to put on a tail and swim around in a tank," Phelps admitted. "To work with Annie and try these crazy sorts of ideas is really an honor and something I won't forget."

Neither will we.

Nobody wins.

This PSA is brought to you by StopLandMines.org.



For other great, heartwarming PSAs, check out Pop Crunch.

From News Day's Neil Best:

Bob Costas owes Delgado the heartiest thanks of all, because the timing was exquisite for the "Costas Now" he will host on HBO at 10 tonight.

The topic is the "volatile" sports media landscape, and the live panelists are to include Michael Strahan, Chris Russo, Buzz Bissinger, Will Leitch, Joe Buck, Mike Tirico, Dan Patrick, Tiki Barber and John McEnroe.

DO YOU SEE THOSE NAMES?

My God! What a field day!

Only one fella missing...

Photo: Deadspin

Click here for HBO's episode guide. Unfortunately, it doesn't appear Mr Leitch will have the pleasure of going head on with the likes of the Doggy, Buck and Tiki.

Making its debut at this year's Tribecca Film Festival is a documentary directed by 3 NYU students — Andrew Jenks, Andrew Muscato, and Jonah Quickmire Pettigrew — following baseball guru-turned-Japanese rockstar Bobby Valentine "through a season of baseball in Japan."

New York Magazine recently published an interview with Valentine in anticipation of the film, and the former Mets skipper talks about some of the context of the documentary, adjustment to life in Japan and the differences between the game in the States and in Japan:

"When people watch this film, they’ll hopefully see that these three guys captured the fandom here, which is really different. The fans have an incredible amount of passion. The game on the field is the exact same game, but it’s played with precision, the way it was many years ago in the States, before it became a power game. The double play and the sacrifice run and the sacrifice play are still common here. The 100-mile-an-hour fastball and the 500-foot home run are not."

NY Mag also features an exclusive clip of the film. You can view it by clicking the image below. Valentine's embracing of the land and the culture is predominently highlighted in the clip. Fascinating stuff for a guy known stateside for being a bit of an eccentric.

The official Tribeca profile of The Zen of Bobby V includes further information as well as upcoming showtimes.

The Zen of Bobby V (TribecaFilmFestival.org)
Bobby Valentine on His New Tribeca Documentary (NY Mag Interview)
The Zen of Bobby V (NY Mag Clip)

Via MSNBC's First Read, NC Governor Mike Easly echos something we've always professed. Well sorta...

North Carolina Gov. Mike Easley (D) made his endorsement official this morning, saying that Hillary Clinton “gets it” and is a fighter who he said “makes Rocky Balboa look like a pansy.”

Harsh words? We wouldn't go so far as to say that Sen. Clinton makes Philly's favorite son look like a "pansy," but we have been saying for sometime now that Balboa has always done a great job on his own doing so.

HHR: The Rocky Myth: Dethrowning the Champ

Then again, Hill does make one helluva Creed.

Chris Long, welcome to the brotherhood of Rammers.

Ramming is fun when you Ram it with me. You can Ram it all night.

Bar none, the greatest 80's team rap video found on line to date...

Last night was a good night on DWTS. All 6 couples performed two dances on their quest for the disco globe trophy.

While Jason and Edyta started the night with a Quick Step (one of my favorite dances), it was their second dance, the Paso Doble, that proved to have the most comedic value. His outfit, for one, was a bit figure-skaterish for my tastes. Her outfit, was just goofy. They should have ditched the long skirt thing and just let her dance in the cheerleader outfit (yes, I have a girl crush). The judges applauded their Quick Step (they got a 29), and thought the Paso was entertaining and different.

Other noteworthy observations from last nights show:

Shannon Elizabeth is just too tall for ballroom dancing. The judges are right that she looks awkward and lanky. Hopefully she'll be going home tonight. I've just had enough.

Cristian de la Fuente might be going home tonight. His pulled muscle during dance #2 last night probably jeopardized his score enough that if the votes don't come in, he might go home.

Kristi was knocked from the top position last night by Jason and Edyta, but she'll definitely be in the finals.

Marissa Jaret-Winokur is just adorable and is improving every week. I'd like to see her stay for entertainment sake.

HHR would like to send out a special congratulations to Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo, who notched his first win of the season in pitching Cincinnati past St. Louis last night in a 4-3 victory.

There's been quite a bit of consternation about Arroyo's start to the season, which to this point has matched Barry Zito's in awfulness nearly pitch-for-pitch.

The Reds hope this is a sign of good things to come, because without Arroyo throwing at least decently, you know Dusty Baker will do all he can to simultaneously wreck the promising careers of Aaron Harang and Johnny Cueto by having them throw 130+ pitches per night from now until September. Or until their arms fall off, which ever comes first (see: Mark Prior, Kerry Wood)

In the meantime, we hope Bronson gets back to making some more rockin' good commercials for local mystery meat producers. Enjoy.

Former Navy Midshipman Wide Receiver and current Steinert High School (Hamilton, NJ) football coach was arrested Friday and charged with fourth degree criminal sexual contact.

The details of the incident seem a little shady, but authorities apparently found enough evidence to charge the former naval officer.

The official police statement did not describe the nature of the alleged offense; however, law enforcement sources said the alleged contact took place between Jordan and a female student. The female student was said to be bothering another girl, who may have been at the school for Take Your Child to Work Day. Jordan may have pulled the allegedly harassing female student from behind to restrain her, sources said.

Jordan played during the 1987-88 seasons and was Navy's leading receiver in '88.

Without knowing full details, this seems like an unfortunate case that doesn't seem to have been intentional. Hopefully he'll be cleared of wrong doing.

Had this been Bo Kunkle, we'd have had a different assumption.

OK all you fitness nuts out there. Bow down before your idol.

Got this from MusicVideosThatSuck.com:

Skid Row and GTA...NICE!

From TMZ Exclusive:

A Los Angeles Commissioner has just issued a $30,000 bench warrant for former NBA player Isaiah Rider. The warrant was issued after Rider failed to show up for his scheduled arraignment this morning.

Rider, who played for the Lakers and Timberwolves, was busted last month while driving through Skid Row in L.A. for failure to stop at the limit line at an intersection. He was originally booked for grand theft auto -- since the 2001 Chevy Monte Carlos he was driving seemed to have been a stolen vehicle -- but was only charged with one misdemeanor count of driving with a suspended license. Isaiah was released on a $25,000 bail.

He already has an alleged prior conviction for driving with suspended license back in 2007.

Unaware that he just made history, after tying the great Stuffy McInnis' mark of 1,700 chances without a miscue at first base, the Greek God of Walks "tossed the ball to a fan, as he usually does when he ends an inning."

Youkilis went on to break the record later in the game.

Flipping through the channels last night, I happened to pass the trainwreck that is "A Shot at Love 2." While the show is probably a Dunbar favorite, it doesn't get much play in the McCormack household.

But something caught my attention last night. One of the contestants, "Bo," is described as a high school football coach.

Tell me all you ex-high school superstars out there - can you recall ever once playing for a guy vying for a bisexual's love interest on MTV, nonetheless taking one seriously?

A quick search tells me that Brandon "Bo" Kunkle of Fairborn, OH not only coaches for the Fairborn High School Skyhawks (of which he is a 2001 graduate), but is a bartender (Wallaby's in Beavercreek) and a DJ as well. He also intends to continue coaching through this fall's season.

OH YES. HE HAS A BLOG.

And the kiddies are all over him.

Don't get me wrong, if a dude wants to pursue his Hollywood dream by chasing a dirty tramp, then that's his prerogative. But where does the school board draw the line?

This is a student-teacher affair in the making. A camera-friendly pseudo-celebrity roaming high school halls when not pouring kamikazes or spinning shitty music? 15-year-old broads are gonna eat that up.

Fairborn commentators seem to be split. While some feel his "personal" life should be regarded as separate from his coaching duties, how do you deem a facet of your life as "personal" when you choose to be on a sexually charged reality-show? Check out some of the comments below this article.

I say he's fair game.

Should he ever send a player on a lap or make them run suicides I wish they laugh in his face and ask him to do one of the many humiliating things Tila will undoubtedly put him through.

After Mens Vogue spotlighted Spanish bullfighter Cayetano Rivera Ordóñez, I mentioned that in order to get a firmer understanding for the "sport" and its place and role in Spanish society, I would start by reading Hemmingway's The Dangerous Summer, which chronicled the 1959 Spanish Bullfighting season and the rivalry between Cayetano's grandfather Antonio Ordóñez and his grand-uncle Luis Miguel Dominguín.

While the piece splendidly looked at the skill and artistry of two of the greatest bullfighters ever, HEmmingway made very little effort to dive into the bullfighting's history and cultural significance.

Papa Ernesto, rather, was nothing short of an aficionado, respected so much so, that he was allotted unparalleled access to not only the events, but also the social circles of the bullfighters themselves - dining, traveling and lodging with both subjects.

While friendly with each of the brothers-in-law, he makes no excuses for whom he favors as the greatest in the world - Cayetano's grandfather Antonio, while he notes that Dominguín is fighting, not out of financial necessity, but rather to keep his place at top of the sport against his foe.

The book's title indicates the effect this rivalry has on its competitors - each trying more dangerous maneuvers to up the ante against the other. The result, predictably, is injuries - namely horns to the legs, abs and intestines.

Bullfighting continues to pique my interest, but unfortunately, while I enjoyed The Dangerous Summer, I still consider myself uneducated about the true meaning behind it.

Breaking this morning from Newsday:

According to published reports, former Yankees pitcher Roger Clemens had a 10-year affair with country music star Mindy McCready, which allegedly started when she was 15 years old.

The singer, described by Rusty Harden as a close family friend and who allegedly traveled with Clemens on his private jet, "was singing at a karaoke bar and The Rocket, then 28, noticed her."

CR Dunbar advises you to always be mindful of your peanut butter when sharing a house with Jered Weaver.

wait...wa...oh it's our pick?.....ugghhhh.....trade it.....wake me up Sunday...

I'm stuck in (on?) Long Island.

I think I contracted syphilis from Keyshawn's get-up (garb?).

WARNING: Staring directly at Keyshawn Johnson may cause you to contract an STD.

Dillusion's set in.

I just imagined the Eagles traded away their 1st round pick which ended up being a position they were targeting.

SOS

-Ren

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile | mobile.google.com

Photo credit: Awful Announcing

I turned on ESPN around 12:40 p.m. today because for some reason I thought the draft started at 12:30 p.m. I was wrong. It must have been the pre-pre-draft show because there is a bunch of talking heads blowing more wind about the NFL draft.

I love the NFL draft. One of the best days in sports. This year though something is turning me off. It might be the five different mock drafts on SI.com with four different versions or the assortment of mock drafts on the WWL website with corresponding 8.0’s.

Either way, what irked me to write this post with an hour to go before the beginning of the draft that has been hyped up since before the Super Bowl is the fact that at 12:40 p.m. ESPN had determined by themselves (with help from the Dolphins) the first four picks of the draft.

What does this add? How does this benefit me that you have your reporters snooping around the halls of these establishments figuring out who they are going to pick three hours before the start of the draft?

I sincerely hope that the teams have played the reporters like a fiddle, and Michael Smith’s breaking news on the Rams selecting Chris Long is total BS. Then, the corresponding reports that the Falcons will select Matt Ryan and Oakland Darren McFadden. Please be using these jackhole reporters as pawns.

If I were a fan of St. Louis, Atlanta and Oakland geared up to watch the draft and have ESPN already telling me who they are going to select three hours beforehand, I would be pissed. It’s a good way for ESPN to drive away viewership of their highly publicized draft event.

Maybe I’m missing something, but I don’t see what this adds for the fans. All I see is a more cocksure Michael Smith showing how he can “work” a source to get information.

Am I wrong here?

Apparently Jason Werth has a hot mom. This according to the Phils-Ville blog over at phillyBurbs.com.

She used to be a track star, or cookie baking champion or whatever. In a Milwaukee crowd, anyone could look fantastic. I'd nail a running sausage after a couple Old Milwaukees.

Who says I haven't.

Ariel and I are at the lovely Hilton Long Island / Huntington this weekend for our buddy Mr. Met's wedding.

Also at said hotel, come to find out, is "Auto Body Expo 2008."

Ok, I'll bite. Maybe this has something to do with sports, and maybe I'll even bump into Paul Jr. and Mikey or some other random D-lister. So I pick up a card with event info, and wouldn't ya know!

Slated guests include cheerleaders from the New York Jets Flight Crew, the USA Olympic Luge Team and Jeff Gordon's #24 Car.

Word is, the car gives a helluva an interview.

(Willard Edit- According to the chief, this is what Ren can expect at the show)

Y'all excited yet? Rusty sure is! Talladega's my favorite track on the circuit for several reasons. First, it's the home of JR nation. The fans in attendance for Sunday's race are overwhelmingly JR fans. When (not if) he takes the lead, you will be able to hear them roar over the thousands of horsepower on the track. Second, it's plate racing!

Like Dale-tona, 'Dega is a plate track where the cars are equipped with horsepower zapping restrictor plates. These plates cut the air flowing into the engine and make the cars run together in tightly bunched packs. Where Daytona's 2.5 mile configuration requires a good handling race car, Talladega's 2.66 mile asphalt is all about speed. The cars at 'Dega will bounce and move around like no other track, and winning the race comes down to pure speed and horsepower. This also leads to "The Big One". At some point, somebody will make a mistake and a huge wreck will ensue. Tempers will flare, and the post incident interviews will be priceless. This is what many 'Dega fans wait for every time NASCAR comes to Alabama.

All of these factors make picking a fantasy lineup difficult, but there are a few teams that seem to have a handle on the biggest track on the circuit. Hendrick and DEI have battled back and forth over the last few years as dominant forces at Talladega, and while Hendrick has gotten the better of the deal the last few years, don't count DEI out. For obvious reasons, I'm taking Hendrick cars for my A and B team list, but I've got DEI slipping into the C List. Other potential good picks would be the RCR team or that orange #20. I would like to think the entire JGR team could do well here, but I think Shrub's checkers or wreckers mindset does not translate to an ill-handling plate track like Talladega. Whatever the pick, it's all a gamble, because "The Big One" can take out anyone.

A List
- J Gordon (24)
B List
- D Earnhardt Jr. (88)
C List
- P Menard (15)

"...or why they call him DP?"



Kids just say the darndest things don't they?

H/T to B&C's Meech.

BMan, Ariel's boy from her days at the 'Cuse and our mole contact at The Best Damn Sports Show, passed along this cameo-laden vid featuring McFadden, Gholson, Phillips, Talib and, um, Kim Kardashian, among others.

"How am I meant to know you're kidding? What you mean, you're kidding? You breaking my fuckin' balls? "

NJ.com is a goldmine for fanboy photos of Garden Staters.

Take for instance these ginkers are obviously jacked up for draft day...

Breaking news: Harold Reynolds joins SNY

This is great news for New Yorkers and some Jersey folk who get SNY. What about the rest of the world? They need to hear from you? You need a forum. Possibly, a blog?

Our offer still stands.

We want to talk to you!!

Thanks to Leahy at Going Five Hole for the info...

Transylvanian Mel Kiper comes out of his cavernous hibernation this weekend, to stand side by side with Greg the Bunny'sCount Blah, blah.

Charles Barkley dissed Larry Bird
Get along 76ers
Dr. J! Moses Malone

Get along 76ers
Jerry Stackhouse and Iverson...

SIXERS ASK FANS TO PROPERLY CALL “SCHUYLKILL” BY IT’S REAL NAME (“I-76”) AND ADD “ERS” TO THE END FOR FIRST WEEK OF PLAYOFFS

From Sixers.com:

As the Philadelphia 76ers continue their National Basketball Association Playoffs series against the Detroit Pistons, the team is requesting that travelers in the Greater Philadelphia Region refer to the Schuylkill Expressway by its proper name (I-76) and add "ers" to the end. The team hopes this will spread and people will immediately begin calling the popularly traveled highway "I-76ers."

Click for link to vid.

Oscar De La Hoya says not looking past Steve Forbes

Thanks to on205th carny Doug E. Fresh for the tip.

We will be adding this Separated at Birth installment to the Sports Hernia guest wing here at HHR.

Courtesy of The World of Isaac...

Keepin’ your head above water, Making a wave when you can.

The fuzzy red mascot who once was popped for punching a sheriff's officer is up to his old antics again.

A Naperville, IL oral surgeon is claiming the Bulls' mascot, Benny the Bull, negligently injured his arm:

Dr. Don Kalant Sr. alleged he was sitting near courtside on Feb. 12 when he raised his arm to get a high-five from Barry Anderson, who portrays the exuberant mascot in a bright red fuzzy costume. Instead of merely slapping Kalant's palm,

Anderson grabbed his arm as he fell forward, hyperextending Kalant's arm and rupturing his biceps muscle, according to the lawsuit filed in Cook County Circuit Court.

Says the surgeon's lawyer, "Benny's flying down the aisle, giving everybody high-fives. When he gets to Dr. Kalant, he either inadvertently trips or, as part of the shtick, trips. . . . He grabbed Kalant's arm and fell forward."

Only Steve Sax can prevent forest fires.

(I told you have have tons of crap. I've only begun to scratch the surface.)

This was the first Tuesday in a long while without Biggest Loser. I guess I need to suck it up and watch the remaining contestants on American Idol. Not sure Ren will be down with that. He was fairly adamant about how much he hates them this year.

Last night on Dancing with the Stars we bid farewell to Marlee Matlin. While inspirational indeed,(DWTS mentioned that EVERY WEEK) unfortunately the dances got harder and her inability to hear the music really affected her rhythm.

Kristi Yamaguchi is still the one to beat, scoring a perfect 30 with a Jive that looked damn near professional level. Jason and Edyta had a tough week, but their hotness carried them safely to the next round.

Shannon and Derek got cozy on the off week, sharing a smooch on the beach, and got grilled regarding their "showmance" by Samantha Harris before judging. She is 34 (Shannon Elizabeth), which was kind of shocking to me. Derek is a mere 22, for those keeping score.

(Separated at Birth... )

Ren's favorite Chris Rock doppleganger, Mario (anyone remember Rock from Beverly Hills Cop 2? Uncanny...) , holds steady and if he keeps enough audience interest will make it to the finals. Not sure he is well-known enough to keep the votes coming in.

Despite his gaudy statistics at BYU and Super Bowl Championship with the Chicago Bears, Jim McMahon was most known around football circles for his ability to clear a bathroom.

TALLADEGA!!!!

I tell ya what, Rusty's more excited than a wide eyed kid on Christmas morn. And why's that? Cause 'Dega's coming!!!! 3 and 4 wide at nearly 190 mph . . . GREAT DAY ALMIGHTY!!!!!

For those of you not "in the know", this is the same Dega that was immortalized in the Will Ferrell classic, Talladega Nights, a movie yours truly had a non-speaking cameo in, but that's a story for a different time. The April race at 'Dega is a scene reminiscent of Mardi Gras. The infield gets packed with over worked blue collar boys just itching to trade in some cheap beads and a few cold Budweiser's for a few seconds of mammary delight! It's a party like no other. Fortunately for everyone involved, Rusty's not going to be present, but only in body . . . he'll be there in spirit.

Amid all the infield debauchery, there's actually a race, and if you ask me, one of the best of the year. Talladega's horsepower zapping restrictor plates (which were enlarged this time around) create a scrum of tightly packed cars clawing and scraping for every inch of real estate. Inevitably, a large crash called "The Big One" ensues, giving every casual fan three seconds of pure joy as the 3000 lb race cars become nothing more than piles of twisted metal.

The die hard fans in true Payne-like fashion, jump up on their coffee tables screaming at their television sets, "DID MARK GET THROUGH? DID MARK GET THROUGH?".

If you've never watched a race, Rusty begs, pleads, implores and hopes to cajole you to watch this coming Sunday. At least watch the last 100 or so laps. It'll sure to be NASCAR at its best. The trick is picking the fantasy team, so be sure to watch for that later this week.

Y'all come back now, hear?

Interesting story from the Smoking Gun.

It seems that even though they really didn't end up going 19-0, the Patriots are still trying to trademark 19-0.

Shrude business move by the Pats. Dare I say, 'krafty'. That's a pun folks, doesn't get any funnier. I mean someone will eventually HAVE to go undefeated, and will fork over mucho dinero to the Pats to use the 19-0 trademark on every T-shirt and hat they sell.

The Pats are also still pursuing trademarks on the terms 'Spygate', 'Bellicheat', 'Dreamboat baby', and renaming the Heimlich Maneuver to the 'Pat's Push.'

You can view his joint Yardbarker blog with fellow eater Pat Bertoletti here.

Joey Chestnut Named HHR's 2007 Sportsman of the Year (HHR, 12/12/07)

Or not. But at least he can flaunt his father's name.

Today's Philly Inquirer mangles the younger Paterno, whose outspokenness on the 2008 election has garnered him tons of email - both supportive and in opposition.

Outstanding Kucinich reference, by the way:

"Apparently, Obama didn't miss the memo when it comes to politically invoking the Paterno name in Happy Valley. Though the salute to Jay drew a smattering of applause, when the senator from Illinois mentioned his cell-phone conversation with the elder Paterno, the crowd erupted - for an 81-year-old Republican.

For Jay Paterno, whose popularity is at Dennis Kucinich levels, this was no time to sit out. In February, he switched his registration from independent to Democrat so he could vote in today's presidential primary. And since then, he's done everything from registering voters to blogging on Obama's behalf - all on his own time."

More...

The Lions produced losing campaigns in four of the next five seasons as Jay became more involved in the offensive play-calling. In 2005, though, Penn State went 11-1 and Michael Robinson had one of the best seasons ever for a Lions quarterback. Two 9-4 seasons since then, fans still question whether Jay has his father's football acumen, let alone his politics.

Here's a link to the Nepotist Nittny Lions' QB coach's blog.

To celebrate Earth Day 2008, the staff of HHR has decided to Go Green...AC Green, in hopes of setting an example by which all athletes and members of the sports media may follow.

If, for one day, we can encourage NBA players from fornicating and thus polluting our Planet Earth with their bastard offspring, we have done our small part in preserving our environment for generations to come.

The Reebok/Dick’s Sporting Goods commercial featuring Stacy Keibler, Torry Holt, Chad Johnson and Matt Hasselbeck may have been written and produced by the crack staff of Barney and Friends.

For some reason, Matt Hasselbeck’s Facebook page is the only place I can find it on the World Wide Webs. http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10058619575&oid=19558708928

The light banter reminds me of the dialogue of the aforementioned television show.

Stacy: Matt do you like to dance?
Matt: Yes, watch. [begin to dance]
Chad: Heeheehe
Torry: You’re funny, Matt
Stacy: Hehehe, I like chocolate.

(There are much better photos out there. Fun research)

I expect a little more from Reebok even if they want to do a light piece. At least they show the athletes (sure I will give the WWE Diva the loose moniker) running with the shoe, but I doubt the spot will help gain market share.

Racist, womanizing fraud Howard Eskin manages to call former Eagle (and reliable insider) Gary "G." Cobb a liar and mentions a variation of the word "blog" 72 times in a single 2-minute rant about the dangers and shortcomings of blogging, blogs & bloggers.

BLOG!

Ay Oh, Oh Ay.

Happy Birthday to HHR's favorite actor, singer, dancer, talk show host.



Via: PopWatch Blog

Photo: Robert Hart

A. Handy Smurf smurfed all over Jessica Simpson's smurf.
B. Aaron Brooks is booty dancing with a Hollywood starlet after sneaking into another party.
C. Tony Romo is a bundle of nerves and bites his nails because he has no idea how to react and even less an idea how he landed a bombshell.
D. Poppa Joe is PISSED he didn't get enough lead time to hype up this cake eating event. Worse yet, he wasn't the sole photog at this party, and couldn't make money of the exploitation of his daughter. Screw you, Robert Hart.
E. That fucking hat looks retarded.
F. In Tony's actual fantasy, that's Jason Witten "seducing" him.

You make the call.

The Palmetto Scoop's Adam Fogle points out this screen shot of the Future Ex-Mrs. Tom Brady's stalker sporting a USC cap at the Celts game last night.

As if sticking it to his teammates, fans and franchise with his constant retirement drama weren't enough, the NFL's all-time leading interception thrower now decides to stick it to the impoverished of Wisconsin.

News from from Packers Blog is that Favre will no longer be hosting "the annual Packers offense-defense charity softball game." Hosting duties will now belong to Donald Driver.


To his credit, Driver takes the high road in not calling Favre out for his selfishness, and instead sets an example for all Wisconsinites to follow: It's time to replace Favre and move on.

"I always enjoyed playing in the game and being part of a fun tradition. Now I'm glad I can take over for Brett and host it for all my teammates."

For all his teammates. With that little add-on, he's already surpassed Brett in my eyes.

With permission, we're cross-posting the blog of Tom Brady's baby. Who is "the growing child of Tom Brady & Bridget Moynahan. I read at a collegiate level and my organs are made of gold." What was that? I'm what? No, YOU'RE mailing it in! No YOU are!

PiggyBack. Literally

You may have seen the now famous picture of me with Father and the Umlaut. What you might not realize is that I am not being carried by the Umlaut, but rather I am carrying her! Using my superior infant strength, I am putting her back in the vehicle that brought Her Skankness to our peaceful villa.

As you can see, Father and I are a perfect team, escorting a drunk and lightheaded Umlaut into a vehicle that will take her away from us at high speed. But every morning, there she is at our front door - passed out, oversexed, with several wallets and reeking of cough syrup. Think of it like the movie Homeward Bound, but instead of a cute dog finding his way home, its a retarded model with cocaine all over her face who can't be kept away.

Growth Note: Sucking on my pacifier actually pacifies others.

Picture Source: Flynet.

Scarlet Defeats White 28-14 In Front of Record Crowd at Rutgers

As you can see, the joint was hoppin'!


I can't get over the fact that the place was so jam packed to the rafters with loyal fans turning out in droves to fill up an entire section of the stadium!

In the Rutgers' faithfuls' defense, my understanding was that tailgating was permitted just about anywhere in the vicinity, so perhaps the record crowd was, in fact, in the parking lot.

If these pictures are any indication, as far as Greg Schiano has taken this program in recent years, the Knights still have quite a ways to go before they reach college football's upper echelon at the birthplace of CFB.

Thanks to reader Taco1 for the shots.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this past weekend, I got one of the most amazing experiences in my life. I got the opportunity to strap into a real race car and go roaring down a race track. The opportunity afforded itself at one of the most famous tracks in the world, The Indianapolis Motor Speedway, aka the Brickyard.

For a nominal fee, myself and a fellow race enthusiast from the hills of West Virginia signed away our lives and got to experience 170 mph in 13 degrees of banking in a real NASCAR stock car.

Let me tell you what, you think these cars look fast on TV, you think they look fast from the grandstands? You haven't seen anything until you are strapped in heading towards turn one at break-neck speed. When the driver mashes the gas out of pit lane, the speed throws you back against the carbon fiber seat. Then as the car begins to climb the banking, the G's push your body down and into the foam roll bar padding. The exhilaration reaches its zenith as you accelerate out of the corner and onto the back stretch. The engine roars, and the G forces make it feel like the bottom of a huge roller coaster hill.

For 3 long laps I got to experience a part of what the boys of NASCAR do for a living. It's an experience of a lifetime, and I highly recommend it to anyone else, NASCAR fan or not!

Assuming Harold Reynold's recent settlement is worth some serious duckets, and given the outpouring of support of our initial offer of "a cashier's check for $75.34," we have decided to set a goal of 1000 big ones to help entice our namesake to blog with us.

See Also:

• ESPN reaches agreement with our namesake
• Harold Reynolds' Job Search Is Over (The Sporting Blog)
• The World Needs HR on HHR (Mac G's World)
• More HR/HHR Blogging News: Mac G Ups the Ante
• Banging the boards for more media notes

Few athletes were as well received in Philadelphia as Ritchie Ashburn.

Conversely, I personally loath Tim McCarver more than any other personality broadcasting today. While Joe Morgan and others garner a lot of guff, McCarver, more than any other announcer, has continually irked me for years .

McCarver, who is broadcasting today's Phillies/Mets game on Fox, as he likes to do, loves self-promotion. While he is a wealth of baseball knowledge, as he should be having been married to the sport for what seems like a half a century, his smugness offsets any interesting tidbit he might spew.

Needless to say, he has outstayed his welcome.

McCarver, of course, because he is broadcasting a Phillies/Mets game in Philly, has to try to appear himself to be a real "homeboy" and associate himself with the beloved Ashburn (who coincidentally played for both squads).

However, when Fox aired the clip of McCarver and Ashburn broadcasting the 1980 NLCS, I couldn't help but snicker at Whitey's not-so-subtle jab at McCarver:

"...you had a great career. Too bad you didn't realize it was over a couple years sooner."



Classic Ashburn.

Maybe McCarver should that heed and think about his broadcasting career in the same light.

Ex-NFL player Timothy Worley was tasered by Georgia police for "becoming confrontational" at a traffic stop according to news reports.

Do you know how hard it was to not title this something like 'Don't tase me...'

Hard.

Oh Worley. Moron. Don't point at a cop.

Great for selling propane and propane accessories, or practicing to be a prop comic.

Visit the HHR Shop!

But since we are domiciled in NJ, and it has to do with the Boss, it's post-worthy in our book.



Thanks to Assassin Ave for the link.

Like most lists, this one was a little predictable, but I can't say I'd argue with the inclusions.

Believe me, I would have busted heads, if my boy $hamrock was on it.

Here's what the Music Blog's Rob O'Connor had to say about our Athlete/"Entertainers":

25) Chicago Bears: The Chicago Bears are a professional football team based in Chicago, Illinois. In 1985, before winning the Super Bowl they daringly commemorated their proud achievement with "The Super Bowl Shuffle," a rap tune that made this group of on the field tough guys look like an ineffective glee club. Did they really psych out their opponents with this? So why didn't they record a follow-up? They didn't win the Super Bowl the next year. Honorable mention goes to the Miami Dolphins, the San Francisco 49ers, the L.A. Raiders, the Cincinnati Bengals and the L.A. Rams, other football teams who couldn't resist the urge to kick back a few beats and look more than a little silly.



11) Shaquille O'Neal: Now I love watching Shaq stand over the basketball net and push the ball in with his hand. Being 12 feet tall has its advantages. Rapping isn't one of them. It doesn't make you sound better. If a midget like the Geto Boys' Bushwick Bill can get it so right, how is it that Shaq could get it so wrong? Well, as Bushwick would tell you "Size Ain't (expletive deleted)." Sure he can wax personal "Biological Didn't Bother" but bad puns like "Can't Stop the Reign" and "Blaq Supaman" (that's not even a pun, that's goofy spelling) just don't quite match up to what he's capable of on the basketball courts.

Photo: Michael Klein / Inquirer

By that statement did the manager of the city's Capital Grille, whose above 4x6 Flyers banner was swiped off the restaurant's facade mean:

A. Die Hard Fans
B. Petty Thieves
C. Drunken Jagoffs
D. Mulleted Neanderthals
E. All of the Above

By her tone, I believe she implied "E."

"We know how Philadelphians are," Griffin said, explaining that it was secured with heavy cording. Given the effort required to remove the banner and the use of a luxury car in the getaway, she believed that the thief "was not just some Joe off the streets."

"Secured with heavy cording." To protect it from people like you - Die-Hard-Well-To-Do-Petty-Criminal-Flyers-Fans.

We know how you are. We know.

The Boston Herald's Inside Track brings us news of JD Drew hocking snake oil to supplement his $15 mil contract.

Apparently $15 million just doesn’t go as far as it used to! Because Red Sox outfielder - and resident holistic health nut - J.D. Drew is moonlighting peddling $40 bottles of a fruit-based nutritional substance called Mona Vie.

2 things strike me as humorous in the article.

First is Drew, who's spent the better part of his career on the DL, being described as a "health nut." Obviously, his regimen and diet have failed him miserably, and perhaps he should alter his holistic thinking.

Second, I smell a George Foster-esq scam here. As so eloquently described in Jeff Pearlman's The Bad Guys Won:

"...George Foster, who had a weakness for get rich quick schemes. A year earlier Foster managed to enrage half the league by selling knockoff Polo golf shirts for $25 dollars in Shea Stadium's visiting clubhouse." The shirts would later shrknk to "the size of a wallet"

Needless to say, Foster was also the "brains" behind "Get Metsmerized."



Back to Drew.

Quoting his MySpace page, he sounds to me more like something caught in my spam folder, than a "savvy business man":

"I am looking for hungry business people and network marketers to join my team directly. I would be your sponsor, and plug you into a system of success. There is a huge opportunity here, and I am looking forward to helping you change your life from a health and wealth standpoint."

Or for that matter, Fat Willard's Blogger profile.

At least he gives himself an out should the product fizzle. Blame Bobby Keilty.

“Bobby Kielty introduced me to a product called Mona Vie. I have been taking it now for a while . . . I have never been more excited.”

Go on all you investors out there. Loosen up those purse strings. Let me know how it works out for you.

--

Update: Red Sox Monster informed us that Drew and Kielty aren't the only medicine men in Bean Town: Cinco Ocho's shilling... exotic berry juice? What the...??

Ethan from NESW Sports & SEC Football Blogger
passed this along. The amazing part is not just that he shattered the board, but he did so after taking off from about a foot within the charity stripe with a defender (who looks like an emaciated Johnny Damon) in his face. Bonus points for the 80's buddy-cop comedy soundtrack.

That today was National High Five Day? Neither did I. Until my boy Pierre Robert on MMR told me so, this afternoon as I was driving back to work after picking up some lunch.

Seriously, who doesn't love to high 5? It's something you learn to do at like age 1.5, and you keep doing forever. It's the international sign of "alright!" or "good job!" and can really turn that frown upsidedown.

In sports, the high 5 is the utilmate congratulatory gesture. An almost involuntary response to everything that is good about sports. Athtletes high 5 one another after an on-field achievement, fans who are perfect strangers will high 5 when your home team gets that big play, or scores the winning touchdown, or drives in the go ahead run.

On this perfect spring day, I offer you some images of the "up-high," the "down-low," and even the "gimme 10."

Happy High 5 Day everyone!

Give me 19....

Up high...
Down low...

Give his eminence 10...

Oooh... left him hangin

Kyle Orton's neck beard is unruly...

The other half of Vin Da Bona's bread and butter....

This recognized day begs the question... when is National Pat-On-The-Ass Day?

And, of course, National Crotch Grab Day.

U.L.G.Y. You Ain't Got No Alibi!

In a week when a male Kansas Jayhawk spirit squader thanked SI in its Letters section for "clarifying" for us that cheerleaders are in fact "athletes," we get the latest on the MMA- wannabes/ragamuffins in Florida who beat down there "friend" and squad-mate, Victoria Lindsay.

Athletic indeed. Kimbo don't want none of that. Though, we'd love to see the gang of eight have at it with the pep-filled Jayhawk.

Until now, the Lindsay's identity had been concealed, but hard-hitting newsbusters Inside Edition and People Magazine break the cone of secrecy. Unlike Inside Edition and People, we will refrain from linking the video - since we still consider ourselves somewhat decent human beings (besides, we are sure you've already seen it).

And, mind you, this lass is 16, so here's as much info as we will share, lest we have Carl Monday on our asses...

For news video and slide show from Orlando's Local 6, click the image below.

Photo: Ellis Lucia

The Best of New Orleans Blog brought to our attention bat-shit crazy (we mean that in a good way) Hornets' super-fan Elisa Cossey. The Oklahoma native became a rabid Hornets fan during their two-year layover in OKC. So much so that when given the opportunity to heckle opposing players - in 'Nawlins - she decided it was worth the 1400 mile round-trip trek to NOLA.

And she really believes her ear-piercing cat call affects play at the charity stripe:

"Every now and again, I'll really throw the shooter off. I got Steve Nash at one game, shook him up real good! I figure it's my small way of helping the team."

Hornets Superfan: Elisa Cossey

Never saw it. Never will. Anna Kournikova. Now she has gone and made herself even less attractive.

The 26-year-old blonde, who last played professional tennis in 2003, ran four miles of the Nautica South Beach Triathlon in Miami on Sunday to help raise money for St Jude's Children's Hospital.

That's more than she ever ran on the tennis court. Add the unattractive tramp stamp peeking through her shirt like a chick out a dorm room before the Sunday morning walk of shame and she is the total package of horrendous.

She should use the same lazer on that tat that Enrique used on his mole.

Photo: PER / Fame

According to People, "Tennis star Serena Williams and hip-hop artist Common made no secret of their blossoming relationship this past weekend in Miami, where they went club-hopping hand-in-hand."

Common: "I'm attracted to women that are strong in the sense of who they are. I like women who have power to them, but can still be ladylike and that have their own dreams."

And by "strong" and "ladylike" he means "bootylicious."

Exhibit A:

Did Rep. Myrick just utter the words: "Dishing out his trademark chops and (of course) dreaded figure-4 leglock"?

And she "Woooooos!"

If I lived in her district, she'd have my vote.

(Then again, I live in NJ, and voting multiple times in multiple places is not out of the ordinary).



It'd have been better if Arn Anderson was behind her giving the ol' neck slice gesture.

Via: Specer Hall @ The Sporting Blog

Fellow Carney Mac G just sweetened the pot, pledging to "skip buying [his] next 12 of High Life Bottles and pack of Pfunks, throwing a total of 13 bucks into the HR blogger kitty. The pay is now $88.54."

The World Needs HR on HHR

This has promise.

See Also:

• ESPN reaches agreement with our namesake
• Harold Reynolds' Job Search Is Over (The Sporting Blog)
  

Last night upon hearing of our namesake's settlement, we offered our patron saint a crisp, genuine cashier's check for $75.34 to come on over and tell his side of the story with us.

Our offer may seem too good to be true, but never fret, it is legit.

We are glad to see others taking up our cause. The great Chris Mottram of Sporting Blog and Mr. Irrelevant acclaim has even gone so far as to design mock up a cover for the publicity campaign we intend to roll out on HR's behalf should he accept our offer.

The ball is in your court, friend. With this sort of backing (and the scratch you earned yourself), you'll forget all about the Four-Letter WWL in no time.

Besides, we have a much friendlier work environment than Bristol, which we base upon the writings of Shel Silverstein:

I will not play tug o' war.
I'd rather play hug o' war.
Where everyone hugs instead of tugs,
Where everyone giggles and rolls on the rug,
Where everyone kisses, and everyone grins,
and everyone cuddles, and everyone wins

on principle!!

SI's Andy Staple's piece "A closer look at the small and LARGE print of recruiting letters" takes a peek at the courting of Scripps Ranch (San Diego) quarterback Tate Forcier, one of the top quarterback prospects in the class of 2009.

I was a recruitee in my day, having earned all-state-level recognition and played a little 1-AA football. But the closest I got to a scholarship was thinking I was the shit as a junior in high school for receiving photocopied form letters from the likes of Nick Saban (then at Michigan State) and Rutgers' Terry Shea.

Forcier and his family are on a level most high school athletes will never reach. Rather than form letters, he receives straight-up scholarship offers from big name coaches. While this has happened seemingly forever in high school recruitment, and clearly Forcier isn't the lone recipient in this country, the thing that amazes me is that in this modern age of mass, instant and global communications, a 16-17 year old kid (whose bloodline includes current Standford and UCLA QBs) is exploited for hitting the DNA jackpot and inserted into the family hype machine. The aforementioned scholarship offer letters - for reasons and motives known only to his family were scanned and posted on their website.

While insiders and savvy fans are not the least bit surprised by this, to the average person I can see it being a bit bewildering. The Forcier family site (qbforce.com), "dedicated to...Family, Friends & Loyal Fans," while amateur looking, offers a neatly crafted one-stop promotional package featuring bios, accolades, photos and video highlight packages for all three boys. (Not to mention info on a pair of family businesses).

While most high school athletes will never experience the pressure and rewards of the spotlight thrust upon young Tate, Forcier will never be able to live a normal teenage life.

Furthermore, Tate is obviously a highly coveted prospect with offers a-plenty on the table (30 in all). Jason (Stanford) and Chris (UCLA), with 5 all-state honors between them, have already been through the process and are enjoying their free rides. To what benefit, then, is the existence of this website other than to throw blood into the water for ruthless agents and exploitative scoundrels to circle to? The only other apparent beneficiary would be Mr. & Mrs. Forcier.

Call me naive, but I do not recognize one way that this serves to better or further the emotional, social, athletic or academic development of a teenage kid whose amateur status forbids him from any professional or monetary benefit.

Thanks to Awful Announcing for the tip...

BRISTOL, Conn. — ESPN says a settlement has been reached in the lawsuit filed by former baseball analyst Harold Reynolds over his firing. Reynolds sued the sports network for at least $5 million in October 2006, three months after he was fired. He claimed he was wrongly fired after a female intern complained about what he called a “brief and innocuous” hug. Reynolds played 12 seasons in the major leagues and worked at the network for 11 years. Terms of the agreement have not been disclosed. An ESPN spokesman says the suit was settled last week in Hartford Superior Court.

This is good news. Harold can finally get a real job and real exposure (Fox?). It means he probably was innocent after all. It also means he can discuss the whole incident.

So, I am putting it out there on behalf of everyone here at Hugging Harold Reynolds. I hold in my hand a cashier's check for $75.34. (Hey, we do this blog for free, we ain't got a broadcasting company.) It's already made out to Harold Reynolds (ignore the word Hugging crossed out--force of habit). All you have to do is come on HHR and discuss everything with us. We will hand you the entire check. You probably paid more for the bar tab that night at the restaurant (most of it Kruker sucking down wings and shots of drawn butter) when the alleged hugging went down.

So, mull it over. Take your time. We aren't going anywhere.

Baracky: The Movie

TMZ: Crowe to Pap -- Stop Being an Ass!

Thank you for saying the things that needed to be said.

From our NBA goto guy Adrian Wojnarowski, "Thomas tried to con Knicks more than coach them":

"As Denzel (Washington) told me," Isiah said, "'You're going to get the Bronx cheer.' If this is the bottom, with a sold-out house tonight, in the last game, then New York is a great town.

"And in a strange kind of way I'm honored to get the Bronx cheer. Because everybody gets it. If this is the worst, this ain't bad."

Yep. Still crazy after all these years.

This video tangentially has to do with sports. Sharpe James, the embattled former state senator and mayor of Newark, NJ, was indicted in July 2007 on 25 counts that included mail fraud, wire fraud, and conspiracy.

He was also the subject of one of the best political documentaries ever made - Marshall Curry's Street Fight.

His "co-star" in that movie was Cory Booker, former Stanford tight end, who went on to receive All-Pacific Ten Academic team honors, and 5 years later went on to succeed James as Newark's mayor.

Booker was accused by James of everything from being a Republican to being white and Jewish.

Regardless, someone getting crapped on on camera is always funny.

Sharpe James takes the bus

Color me shocked...

From PRNewswire via the American Society of Landscape Architects:

Eddie George, the 1995 Heisman Trophy winner who became a star running back for the Tennessee Titans and Dallas Cowboys, is relishing his new career as a landscape architect and owner of The EDGE Group, a successful firm with offices in Columbus, Ohio, and Nashville, Tennessee. He wants young people to consider landscape architecture as a great career that combines art with protecting the environment.

Not since getting one murdered has Howard Eskin gushed so much over a married woman.

Tossing softballs, asking for a White House tour "when" she is elected and insisting she say hi to Bill for him, the King did everything short of indicating that all black politicians looked alike in kissing Hill's posterior and throwing his implied support behind her.

To her credit, Sen. Clinton was quite amusing. Take this clip for example.



Interesting enough, Hill had already showed us what she does when things get tough and folks crank up the heat. She goes all Brett Favre on us.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I recently finished reading Motley Crue's The Dirt. Amidst the raunchy tales of shameless groupies, unadulterated sex, ODs and DUIs, police run-ins and spousal abuse, was a seemingly out-of-place chapter written by front-man Vince Neil chronicling the illness, surgeries and subsequent death of his four-year-old daughter Skylar.

In honor of his daughter, Neil set up the Skylar Neil Foundation "to honor Skylar by raising money and awareness through unique charitable events and activities it sponsors, and, grant and award the money raised to medical, research, and educational institutions/groups/individuals who are doing breakthrough work to find cures for cancer, AIDS, and other diseases."

I love the Crue's music, but I wouldn't give one dime to bail any of their asses out of prison. Skylar's story, however, was heartbreaking to read, and as much as anything in his life, Neil's devotion to his daughter, and later helping others while preserving her memory, is touching and commendable.

It's been no secret to any fan that Neil is an avid golfer. On May 2, 2008, the Foundation will host the 12th Annual Skylar Neil Memorial Golf Tournament at the Pete Dye & Fred Couples-designed Lost Canyons Golf Club in Simi Valley, CA.


For 500 bucks a golfer, if you can afford the fee and are in the area, why not give to the cause and get a round in on a gorgeous course?

You can sign up here.

Dan Rooney isn't the only Steeler making a presidential endorsement today. Libertarian Pittsburgh hipster Assassin Ave brings us news of the latest athletes jumping on the Obama hope train:

Franco Harris and Jerome Bettis. We never got to see them in the backfield in the same game. But one man can unite such a duo: the Hopemonger himself Barak Obama. Harris and Bettis joined Steeler owner Dan Rooney and, recently, the Hopemonger. Other famous Pittsburghers are also making the move.

I can Hope those bastards from Philly don't ruin it for us. You can't win a Super Bowl, but you sure can help win back our nation.


Not sure what we are winning back our nation from, what exactly the Senator plans to do, and what exactly "hope" translates to other than higher taxes and a foreign policy of appeasement, but it all equates to a cute sound bite. And AA loves cute.

From TMZ. Click photo for link to vid.

Is the picture because he is proud of his ink or is to mark 'EXHIBIT A' in a civil trail?

(photo courtesy of photobasement.com)

I heard an Obama commercial the other day as the campaigns gear up for the PA primary, and I could have sworn it was Dwayne Johnson cutting a promo.

Close your eyes. Press play, and tell me you don't hear him referring to himself as "Barack" and not "The Rock."

Did he just call Hillary a "thong-wearing fatty?"

Ronaldinho may be one of the world's best soccer players, but that doesn't absolve him from looking like Tyra Banks' favorite hag, Ms. J Alexander.

Former Navy Seal, Minnesota Governor and wrestling personality Jesse "The Body" Ventura, kicks off his presidential campaign by going on a conspiracy-laden 9/11 rant on the Opie and Anthony Show. 'Lil Jim Norton is not impressed.

Just a quick question from this Red Sox fan: Why, instead of burying an Ortiz shirt in cement under the new Yankee Stadium, couldn't someone have put Julio Lugo there instead?

Having just finished reading Motley Crue's The Dirt, sadly, I don't seem to have gotten enough disturbing images in my system.

When I saw this article in Men's Vogue on Spanish bullfighter (and model) Cayetano Rivera Ordóñez's penchant for drama and goring, I was intrigued.



You think football players or MMA fighters are tough? Want to see the definition of "balls"?

Cayetano Rivera Ordóñez is using a ballpoint pen to explain how it feels to have a half-ton bull bury a horn in you.

"If someone comes up to you with this now and sticks it into your leg all the way up to here, then that is going to hurt a lot," the Spanish bullfighter says, measuring out several inches. "But if it happens at a moment when the adrenaline is flowing, when you are fighting, then it is just not the same."

...

This is Rivera's way of explaining his reaction when a bull sank six inches of horn into his right thigh in September. On that occasion, Rivera took off his bullfighter's black necktie and wrapped it tightly above the wound to make a tourniquet. He then went back to confront the bull.

Ariel and I spent our honeymoon on the southern coast of Spain, and while we unfortunately were there a week void of any bullfights, it nonetheless piqued my interest in the "sport" and, as such, our house is adorned by toro paraphernalia.

It seemed every city we visited, rich in culture and history, contained one of two landmarks - a cathedral and a plaza de toros.

The bell tower in the Cathedral of Seville (which houses the tomb of Christopher Columbus), provides a birds eye view of the sprawling Plaza de toros de la Real Maestranza de Caballería de Sevilla.

My favorite town however, Ronda, is home of Plaza de toros de Ronda, among the oldest venues in the world and setting for the latest book I've cracked, Hemmingway's The Dangerous Summer, chronicling the historic 1959 season and the rivalry between Luis Miguel Dominguín and his brother in law Antonio Ordóñez - Cayetano Rivera Ordóñez's great-uncle and grandfather.

While opponents of bullfighting argue its validity sprung from the alleged cruelty to the animals, the sport is a part of the Spanish culture, and frankly fascinating.

To say I know little about the bullfighting is an understatement. I anticipate that Hemmingway's piece will give me a firmer understanding of not just the spectacle, but the history and culture behind the sport. With a little online research, hopefully I will be able to relay information on the current season, whereas generally US interest is limited to viewing it as a grotesque sideshow, a political animal-rights argument and a Vin di Bona wet dream when someone gets a horn shoved where the sun don't shine.

Ariel and I are at the Phillies game right now. I am dying to find out whether or not I am the only one in the whole stadium who saw this...

Between the bottom of the 2nd and top of the 3rd, the jumbo tron momentarily went on the fritz. For a split second a picture of what appeared to be a head-on shot of a toilet flashed on there - as if positioned perfectly if someone were sitting on it.

So I wonder if one of the video technitions doesn't have something rigged for his own viewing pleasure between highlights.

I can't be the only one who caught this. Anybody?

--
Sent from Gmail for mobile mobile.google.com

While my friends over at SWPL deliver the game-winning goal in its post about the fascination about soccer, this new team in Brazil has "heightened" my interest in the sport.



(Hat-tip to Perez Hilton for being on top of the ball)

Brett just won't go away will he? The media darling continues to be a pain in the ass for coaches, teammates and fans alike.

From the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal Packers Blog's Greg A. Bedard...

Mike McCarthy on Brett Favre's un-retirement talk:

"I've talked to Brett a number of times and my understanding is that he's very content with his decision. I think he's going through the normal emotions that any player goes through. He's got a lot of time on his hands and I'm sure the first year is going to be tough on him."

McCarthy "on whether he's bothered by any of the things Favre has said, namely the chatter about him coming back if Aaron Rodgers gets hurt":

"It doesn't bother me because really anything that's talked about, a lot of those conversations Brett and I have had. Now, we didn't talk about all that but we talk regularly so I have a pretty good idea of what's going on."

Right tackle Mark Tauscher on Favre's statements to the press:

"It's tough when you're getting a lot of questions. I'm sure he loves playing, he's made his decision and we as a football team are ready to move forward. We're not going to worry about all those speculations. We respect Brett. He was a great teammate. But this is Aaron Rodgers' team right now."

...And that tree's name is Ed Sprague, does anyone care?

Somehow Sprague finds it newsworthy to tell the world that he DID NOT do anything illegal during his mediocre playing career, while admitting he, in fact, did "things."

Former Blue Jay Sprague says he used andro, amphetamines

Sprague, now baseball coach at University of the Pacific, said he started using androstenedione in the mid to late 1990s. He hit a career-high 36 home runs in 1996.

"It could have been '96 ..." Sprague told the Stockton (Calif.) Record. "I could have taken andro then ... and I might have. I don't remember everything I took."

The very same article mentions that Andro was banned in baseball in 2004, and amphetamines in 2006.

Sprague's last season was 2001.

Still, how fabulous are greenies?

Each Week, HHR rounds up the week's ups and downs -then adjusts for inflation. It's like Power Rankings made sweet love to Harper's Index and Harper's pulled the goalie.

Derek Jeter leaves a voicemail for A-Rod (not really). Massage therapists? Sexy Secrets? Obviously. PLUS 2

College athletes love sexual assault. If I may quote Dolly Madison here, that guys is "a total assgargler" MINUS 5

HHR's hippie surfer got farked. Being referred to as "Some Guy" not only is a step up from our usual moniker of "that guy," it's a PLUS 3

Remember when cheerleaders just gave each other eating disorders as revenge? Now they're gang punched. MINUS 10

The Masters is back, bitches. ESPN doing a live-blog that isn't Simmons? That's actually good? About GOLF? Yup. BOGEY (PLUS) 12 over

French protesters attacking a Chinese amputee in a wheelchair wielding a torch. Double thumbs up, way up. PLUS 8

Never Say Goodbye: The Sports Hernia takes a look at Shea and Yankee Stadiums' greatest moments as the Bombers and Metropolitans kick off their final seasons in the NYC dumps. PLUS 2

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: +12
LAST WEEK'S TOTAL : -3

In high school, our inspiring cheerleaders, that may or may not have included Lady Dunbar, had a cheer that went, “You got to want it to win it, and we want it more.” It was catchy as it continues to guide my life in everything I do. I will dominate you.

Any who, this weekend’s foreign automobile Blue Grass Stakes incorporates those that want it to move on to the grand enchilada and those who are in it for the practice. This makes it difficult to handicap.

Pyro, who readers know I have watched with utmost interest, is merely in it to prep for the derby in three weeks. The same could be said for Cool Coal Man who just needs a good showing to get the earnings to qualify.

(This pyro keeps me up at night)

The pipe dream crew includes Kentucky Bear, Stevil, Stone Bird, Medjool and Miner’s Claim who are grasping for a break to break the bank for chance at the big show.

That leaves a series of horses that have a shot to bring home the bacon if they get a nice trip. Unfortunately, Visionare and Halo Najib are starting from the 12 and 11 post, and Monba is too shaky for my money.

The two horses that I have my good eye on are Big Truck and Cowboy Cal. Big Truck is progressing and has the 6 post. He could stalk a position and hit the burners to pull this out. Cowboy Cal comes off the turf to try polytrack. I’m hesitant, but he has early speed, which this group lacks and fires consistently in the 90s for speed figures. He could be a good pick with long odds.

If I am able to get to the track tomorrow, I’m betting exactas with a mixture of Cool Coal Man, Pyro, Big Truck and Cowboy Cal.

Since Greg Oden has decided to weigh in on national political matters, might we suggest he looks in his own backyard at one of the Democrat candidates for US Senate in Oregon?

Steve Novick, to our knowledge, is the only federal candidate in the country who is proud and openly flaunts his hooker...

Courtesy of Rusty...

As early spring gives way to the warm showers of April, NASCAR heads back to the desert for one of the most unique tracks on the circuit.

Phoenix International Raceway is an oddly shaped 1.5 mile D'ish oval. Every single turn is different, and combined with the dog legged backstretch and nearly flat corners this track is like no other. The flat corners make it somewhat similar to a short track like last week's Martinsville, but the bigger size also gives it characteristics similar to New Hampshire.

To top it all off, this weekend's race is the first of the season under the lights. NASCAR Sprint Cup racing is amazing, but you ain't seen nuttin till you've watched'em strap in for a race at night. The cars are brighter as they glean against the speedway lights. They even seem to go faster.

The uniqueness of Phoenix (and the tardiness of this post) makes this a tough week to pick my fantasy lineup. So, I think I'm going to take a real stab in the dark here.

A List
- Jeff Burton (31)
B List
- Martin Truex Jr (1)
C List
- Brian Vickers (83)

Say goodbye to Stephen A. on your radio dial. It was a short time coming. First Stephen A. lost his Inquirer gig because he forgot to actually write articles. Then his radio co-host Mike Missinelli left to do Philly radio and go head to head with the Burger King. His blog hasn't really taken off like he hoped, he is too busy messing with the title and CAPITILIZATION of words and letters.

So what is next for the Screamin one? Well ESPN alluded to giving Stephen A. more 'television time' but they didn't necessarily say Sportscenter, NBA Tonight, PTI, or any other specific sports show. The Worldwide leader is owned by Disney. Maybe they are thinking of some other shows to slide Stephen A. in to, on Disney Channels or elsewhere along the dial.

Super Nanny- Imagine unleashing Stephen A. on some unruly toddlers to whip them into shape. His ace in the hole is popping in old tapes of 'Quite Frankly.' Little bastards are out cold in no time.

To Catch a Predator- You see the surprise on a guy's face when all they wanted was a little kiddie loving and they find Chris Hansen pouring them iced tea in the kitchen. Imagine the shock to find Screamin A. in the living room reading from the online chats.

'Then YOU WANTED to put your SNICKER-DOODLE in her LUNCHBOX!....is that ANY WAY FOR A GROWN MAN to speak to a YOUNG, INNOCENT WOMAN? I DON'T THINK
IT IS! TRUST ME, ME AND STEW SCOTT HAVE TRIED!'

Myth Busters- They do an entire episode about people having careers even though they have no talent. They prove it is possible. Stephen A. is the main example.

QVC- The late night shift or only when the Quaker Factory lady is on.

Zoey 101- He would obviously play Coach Smith, the school's Athletic Director. Every week he can bring in a different NBA star for a cameo spot and all season viewers try and guess which one fathered Jamie Lynn's baby. Of course, the answer is given with the season cliffhanger. Coach Smith will be the daddy.


Without a Trace- Stephen A. disappears for good. Detectives spend no time looking for him. Series ends after one show.

Eric Cartminez explains Spaygate to us:

"In America, it is ok to cheat as long as you cheat your way to the top. If you cheat and fail, you are a cheater. If you cheat and succeed, you are savvvvy."



Like any good teacher, Cartminez explains what to do, like Bill Belichick, when you get caught cheating: you simply say you "misinterpreted the rules."

Tuesday night reality TV update....

First off, I did not watch one second of Idol. The night was too full with other obligations, and something had to give. Sorry Seacrest, but as Heidi Klum would say "You're out." Our buddy Illuminati over at phillyburbs did a recap I can respect...

Big night on the Biggest Loser. The final weigh-ins before the finale took place, and boy were we shocked. Well, Dunbar actually noted that he thought Mark looked as though he was "being shocked with an electric prod in the rear" when he found out he had lost 11 pounds.



Both guys lost about 6.4% of their total weight last night, and thought they were safely headed to the finale. But boy were they wrong. Ali and Kelly lost a combined 24 pounds, and secured their places in the finals. Both guys were shocked. From a strategic perspective Roger thought for sure he was going home. He is the bigger guy, and definitely the bigger threat, having already lost 144 lbs, and having enough weight still on him to safely lose another 20-30 before the end.

But.... of course another Loser "shocker".... Ali (host) lets them know that America will actually vote on which contestant gets to continue on with the competition. Realistically, if America votes for Mark, I think the girls have a better chance. Mark really does not have much more weight to lose, and actually might add more muscle. I mean he's down to 170... and he is a taller guy. I also don't think Ali has much more weight to lose... she's already lost 99lbs, and is at about 135, and I mean if she drops below the 120lb mark she is just going to look sick.

Kelly on the other hand definitely has more to lose. I think she is down to 170 something, and can probably lose another 30lbs easily. I think she'll look the most different at the finale.

But these are just my thoughts. I am excited at the prospect of a woman winning, but only think it can happen if America chooses to keep Mark in the competition, and unfortunately I just like Roger better :)

Dancing with the Stars:

My prediction was right... Carolla was sent packing. Thank god. He was a horrible dancer, and while not as bad as Wayne Newton, was still a bit uncomfortable to watch. A little surprised that he shared the bottom two with Priscilla Presley, but she lived very reclusively prior to coming on the show, so her fan base might have dwindled.

Click the photo and take a look at the story. Remember, this guy got paid for that piece.

We love a good nut shot as much as anyone, but I think the reader's comment summarizes everyone's thoughts on the author's decision to break this news and his story itself.

Willard claims this could very well be the worst blog post ever. I disagree, but then again, I love AFV.

Telling the AP that he was '"deeply saddened" by violent protests in London and Paris and concerned about the upcoming torch relay in San Francisco, where activists expressed fears Monday that the torch's planned route through Tibet would lead to arrests and violent measures by Chinese officials trying to stifle dissent,' IOC president Jacques Rogge is considering ending the international leg of the torch relay because of anti-China protests.

Not to be outdone by Euro concerns, protesters and activists took to loitering on the Golden Gate Bridge.

Image: Reuters via ITN

Rusty not only likes NASCAR, but baseball, too. The season ticket holder provided us with these great shots from DC's new stadium.

I think this is Edyta's year.

Finally. My girl crush has a chance. And anyone (male or female) who doesn't think she has the best body ever, well, I don't know.... are you blind? Anyways...

She and Jason Taylor danced the beautiful Viennese Waltz and did a mighty fine job. It's funny, they should like a 90 sec package before each dance of the rehearsals the couple endured leading to the show. Taylor acts very boyish, sniffing his pits, cracking jokes, etc., but when he dances all 6'6" of him moves with natural grace and fluidity... it's hard to think of him as a football player.

I loved both Jerry Rice and Emmitt Smith when they appeared on the show, and while both had rhythm and could dance, neither displayed the elegance of Taylor.

He and Kristi Yamaguci will take it to the end. I just think this show benefits athletes more so than even those in show business - actors/actresses, singers, etc. They understand the endurance and perserverance it takes to be at the top of their game, and really do put forth 110% when performing.

Both of these two will need to start making each dance a bit different though - the judges said that while technically they are doing great, emotionally the dances all feel the same. Um, ok.

Next casualty - Adam Corolla. Just don't think prime time TV is ready for his brand of "humor." He'd do a lot better without the commentary at every judging. Go back to Loveline, now that was good TV.

Fresh off his bachelor party in AC, Mr. Met sent us along this little doozie from Boston.com's Red Sox page:

This guy manages to reinforce everything I hate about surfers without even being one. What is it about dirty hippies that they can keep their center of gravity for crap like this, but remembering how to get to the actual party, or who's party it is, if there is a party, and where my 6 bags of Cool Ranch Doritos went requires a GD miracle? So you're a chain surfer? Tubular. Aloha, asshole.

For over 30 years, Americans, particularly those in the Philadelphia region in which I live, have had an infatuation with Rocky Balboa. We tout the 6-part movie series as a triumph of the American and underdog spirit.

But in reality, Balboa was a disrespectful bum, a common thug, borderline stalker and an overall underachiever.

He caught a lucky break, was deemed a paper champion by his own trainer, got his best friend killed, was a dead beat dad and was a suicidal megalomaniac.

He was a quitter, a whiner and a sham.

In Rocky I, we find our "hero" breaking thumbs on the docks for a low-life gingaloon (Gazzo). Before we go any further, right there...BANG. Rocky should have been sweeped up in a RICO sting and saved us all from Rockys IV-VI.


Mick wants nothing to do with him when he wants to train, and acknowledges that the Rock is a big, fat, lazy bum. When not drinking and shaking down deadbeats for the mob, he spends his time harassing a pet shop clerk (who may be mentally impaired), who makes it clear she wants nothing to do with him.

He gets his "shot" for no other reason than Creed thought he could exploit his ethnic nickname. So, Rocky finally - FINALLY - does something with his life and starts working hard. And good for him. He wins the "special" gal and goes the distance with the champ.

Big whoop. Know why? Rocky II.

As soon as the going gets tough, he quits again. Rocky II would be my favorite if not for Balboa spending half the flick moping around, pleading "whoa is me."

Adrien should have followed "Win Rocky Win" with "...and act like a man instead of a whiny bitch."


But then...Hey and here comes our bipolar friend! Working hard once again.

He wins the strap!

And what does he do?

Rocky III.

James Brown. Living in America.

Mr. South Philly goes Mr. Hollywood. Mickey sets him up after he beat Apollo with matches consisting of patsies who, as if this were even possible, were worse than him. Yet, his ego has him training in casinos, while Clubber T prepares to show Adrien what a real man is.

And he does. Crushes him.

Here comes the 'tude again. This scene sums up Rocky III and Rocky himself better than any...



This guy is not a hero but a damn train wreck.

I mentioned Rocky's on again, off again hard work. But rarely ever mentioned is his obvious abuse of performance enhancing drugs at this time. Or, more accurately, image enhancing. Rocky goes from a dumpy slugger who could take a punch in Rockies I & II to a chiseled ginker in Rocky III.

Fast forward to Rocky IV. The Rocky when he aledgedly thaws (just a wee bit) the USA-USSR Cold War tension. Oh yeah, and his years of brain damage prevent him from not killing his old buddy Apollo. Rocky does what any hero would do. Travels thousands of miles to avenge his own mistake instead of staying home and raising his impressionable kid.

Negligence that, coincidentally, ended up being a major theme in Rocky V.

Another major theme was Rocky being such a moron that he squandered his millions and drove his family back into the ghetto he "fought" so "hard" to escape. Yet, he was so blinded by his own way of doing things, a way that put him in that very situation, that he failed to bend or compromise when his protege showed every sign of needing to be handled with flexibility. So he blew that one. And his kid should have just left town for good.

Instead everything comes out smelling like roses. Just like the audience's reverence for this guy. I'd go into "Rocky Balboa/IV" but I never felt the need to see it.

Rocky was only an underdog because he was lazy and made himself one. And whenever he found success, he was still a zebra couldn't shed his stripes.

A statement released today by his family announced: "Legendary actor, civil rights leader and political activist Charlton Heston passed away today, at the age of 84."

With baseball finally in full swing, and as Adam Eaton shows his mid-season form starting the game off today with 5 straight balls, i hear Harry Doyle's voice ringing in my head.

"Boy, how can these guys lay off pitches that close?"



To get me out of the inevitable funk I'll be in watching him pitch today, I'll likely have to drink several Miller Lites this afternoon.

Let's take a chronological look at the best of Ueck, to kick things off...

1984

1985

1986

From The Legend of Cecilio [Who me?] Guante:

They are a rare breed. Those of the "red hair, light skin and freckles." We are, of course, referring to Gingers. In recent years, this affliction has more commonly become known as Gingervitis. For those less familiar with the condition, one of the leading authorities in the field, Colorado professor Eric Cartman, provides a quick refresher:

Click Here for the list.

As HHR staff goes, I know the least about the multi-billion dollar sport of Grand Prix racing. However, living in DC, I do know a great deal about politics. Most likely you have heard about the ever-increasing attention being paid to "NASCAR Moms and Dads" in political campaigns and polling. Thus, any story from the reputable TIME Magazine, which generally covers current events and political analysis, about the off-topic of Grand Prix would naturally catch my eye.

Were it not for his family history, the British media might eventually have dismissed the Nazi-themed sex romp of international motor-racing chief Max Mosley as just another instance of British upper-class bad taste. But Mosley, the urbane president of the body that governs Formula One racing, is under increasing pressure to resign following revelations of a sex scandal involving prostitutes, sadomasochism and alleged Nazi-style role-play. That pressure may reflect the brand concerns of mass-market automakers involved in Grand Prix racing, but the fact that Mosley's parents were high-profile Hitler fans may have intensified the media clamor.

Another product of living in DC and working in politics is that we know a great, juicy sex scandal when we see one...
...and this is certainly one of those times:

...in what it frothily described as "a depraved Nazi-style orgy in a torture dungeon." In the secretly filmed video, the paper reports, Mosley "barks orders in German as he whips two hookers dressed in striped uniforms reminiscent of Auschwitz garb while girls in Nazi uniforms look on."

Grand Prix just may be a game I can get into now!

HHR's favorite whipping boys, Will Demps and Shane Victorino.... together they make one ugly baby. Though, I am sure that kid would still have groupies.

You've seen HHR's Separated at Birth. But what happens if there's no separation? What if we could see what the offspring of sports luminaries would look like ahead of time? HHR in conjunction with what looks like a terrible movie - Baby Mama - is here to help you with just that. Through the babymaker, we can see into the future. Unfortunately.

Let's get it on...

Brian Billick + His first and only love, (Brian Billick)

Good God, man that's disturbing. Then again, baby Billick Squared is the first major offensive play by a Billick in a long long time.

MORE ON THE WAY. KEEP CHECKING BACK.

The Wood Memorial has more questions than a 6th grade boy in a sex ed class.

Three of the ten horses entered have incomplete past performance cards because they last ran in the Gotham Stakes which was run in a deep fog. Four additional horses have struggled in their 3-year old seasons, one is named after a coach that can't win in the bigs and another is a jack rabbit getting ready to hump the rail.

The race may come down to who likes it sloppy. Nick Zito has been telling everyone that the misfire War Pass had last romp was an abberation. War Pass has also shown he doesn't mind it messy with his big win at the Breeders' Cup.

If War Pass is bet low, I would suggest searching for some money. Court Vision could benefit with the rabbit Inner Light designed to wear out the rest of the field and the slop. If Texas Wildcatter can run that fast in the fog, think of what he could do if he could see.

Good Luck.

Each Week, HHR rounds up the latest news and adjusts for inflation. It's like Power Rankings made sweet love to Harper's Index and Harper's pulled the goalie.

A commenter (Bosco) takes a shot at the website. The fact that it's Dunbar's first comment ever? PLUS 1

Boston Pillow fight deemed unesexiest ever (Darth Vadar doesn't have jugs) MINUS 2

Barack Obama can't bowl. But neither can Greg Oden. EVEN

The Dugout is back, bitches. Time to SmokeSomeGagne ('Ow, My Career'). PLUS 5

The Hills returns to TV. Spencer's sister and LC strike up a friendship. What a plot-driven coincidence! PLUS 10

Ric Flair video backstage. He looks like he hasn't aged at all. PLUS 1

Pats owner Bob Kraft sincerely apologizes to his fellow owners about Spygate. Belichick does too, and talks to the media about it. Other owners appear satisfied. Defensemen get radio hookups to avoid relying on hand signals. Finally it's all over. Plus.... Wait, Goodell wants what? Fuck. MINUS 20

Chris Henry cut from the Bengals, and back in prison for assaulting an 18 year-old kid. At least this time it wasn't sexual assualt. You're getting there, Chris. PLUS 2

"Marvin Lewis" also spells "Rivals Win 'Em." Nuff said. PLUS 1

Now everyone is going to use this for their Fantasy Team Name. MINUS 5

TOTAL: -3

I guess NCAA coaches conference calls aren't the only target of pranksters...

Interloper on Clinton Conference Calls Wants HRC to "Talk Sexy"

Some "dude" got on today's conference call with Hillary Clinton's chief campaign strategist Mark Penn, communications director Howard Wolfson and deputy communications director Phil Singer and asked whether Clinton could "talk sexy" in her ads so he could "pinch the squid."

Yahoo log-in.

Fantasy baseball page.

Edit team name.

Squid Pinchers.

Done.

The boys return to an intermediate cookie cutter track this weekend, the Texas Motor Speedway. This track holds a special place in old Rusty's heart, though, because it's where June-bug got his first win. It's also considered one of the faster tracks on the circuit, similar to Atlanta. The pole record is over 196 mph.

I'm a little afraid that this weekend might be a bit of a slow weekend, though. With the Final Four and NCAA Championship book ending NASCAR, it's almost hard to get fired up for a cookie-cutter track. But I think my boy's just on the cusp of breaking the winless streak, so that could turn things around quickly.

This week for fantasy, I'm trying to bring in some new guys, but I still think it's a powerful lineup. Kenseth's great at Texas, and Truex has found his way around the 1.5 milers. Kvapil is on a hot streak, so since a C list driver is always a gamble, this one seemed as good as others.

A List - Matt Kenseth (17) B List - Martin Truex Jr (1) C List - Travis Kvapil (28)

By now, we've all read about our wonderful(ly ineffective) government's bail-out of the giant investment firm Bear Stearns last week. YEA, it was necessary for the U.S. economy to prevent future collapsing...and ABSOLUTELY, a sweet deal for competitor J.P. Morgan who picked up the company at bargain prices you wouldn't even find at the Barney's Semi-Annual Warehouse Sale.

But what about the unintended casualties of the bail-out, like the Bear Stearns' Lacrosse Team?! In a front page story, today's Wall Street Journal examined the bloody corpses that may be left behind.

Among the remaining questions hanging over Bear Stearns Cos. is this: What happens to its lacrosse team?

On ultracompetitive Wall Street, lacrosse-loving traders are keenly watching the fate of the battered firm's squad. Bear Stearns vanquished rival Lehman Brothers Holdings Inc. in triple overtime and then upset Credit Suisse First Boston last summer to win bragging rights in the Street's inaugural Gotham Lacrosse tournament.

"I had a couple buddies [at Bear Stearns] who gave me a hard time," says Chad Burdette, Trinity College '06, who is now at Lehman's private investment-management division and is the Lehman team's informal manager. "I guess I got the last laugh now," he jokes.

We here at HHR wish the players of the Bear Stearns' Lacrosse Team...who individually make more than the entire HHR staff collectively...the best of luck in their pick-up league during this difficult time.

(hat-tip to HHR reader/Woody colleague MAB for forwarding this story on)

Bengals cut Henry, say they'll no longer tolerate his conduct

The Bengals could only take so much of Henry and his shenanigans. Getting cut from the Bengals for bad conduct is like being booted out of the parish for being the priest that touched the MOST kids.

To make this even more ironic for the staff of HHR, Ren is away and sent a link to me yesterday about Henry being trouble in Kentucky last week for driving with expired license plates. I read the article and thought to myself 'how could a guy about an inch away from getting banned from the league let something so foolish happen, especially with the bullseye on his head the size of Drew Brees' birthmole.'

Then today....WHAMMY! Punching 18-year-olds and throwing beer bottles like it's his first off campus party.

This is also means Ocho Cinco ain't going No-O Where-O. The Bengals lose two top WR in a season? Isn't going to happen.

Unless Cinco starts punching people. Other than Marvin Lewis.

Jay Cutler has had it with Brandon Marshall. That 'kid' has been nothing but trouble recently.

"Yeah, he's not my favorite person right now," Cutler said. "I mean, I support him, but it's always something with him right now."

Luckily, we found Jay Cutler's list of favorite people tucked into his Trapper Keeper, right between his favorite plays: the INT and the SACK.