Wes Welker certainly grew a set of balls when he moved his petite ass up to New England. But as lil Wes runs his mouth about former teammate Asante Samuel's free agency contract, Jim Rome reminds the Liliputian of his actual worth and him number of championships.

• Sunday Conversation: Jay Williams and Derrick Rose (The Sports Point)
• The Cavaliers Wanted Vinsanity (The Money Shot)
• New Jersey Has Cap Space, The Sky Is Falling: Part I (Waiting for Next Year)
• The Middle Finger In Sports: A Photo Essay (The Next Round)
• My Day at the NHL Draft Combine (Going Five Hole)

Today at Gem Mint Ten:

• Send 'Em Sveum

sign.



totallyupyours.com via Jeff the Greek.

Princeton resident and Philly native Renee Hykel was in the local paper after the Olympic rower made an appearance at Mercer County Park yesterday. I couldn't help thinking how much she looked like Mrs. Jason Sehorn. That''s not a bad thing.

Barry must be a 'Nole...

Jorts Photo: SECTalk.com

City Vehicles Painted with Anti-Obama Sayings

The vandal or vandals appear to have political intentions; most of the vehicles were spray painted with anti Obama sayings, with ‘Obama’ misspelled several times. Some of their vehicles had their gas caps removed.

The person or persons left a business card with political ramblings and other phrases such as ‘How ‘Bout them Gators’ and ‘Legalize Marijuana/ Stop Building Prisons’.

The Cubs' closer offered viewers a double barrel salute during today's White Sox Game.

Here's to ya!

By the way, what day is it?

Hooker makes 100-meter history at U.S. track and field Olympic trials

All those years of running from the police in heels finally paid off.

In case you are American, and didn’t know, there is a big grand football finale that comes every four years here in Europe this weekend. Yep, the final match of EURO 2008 takes place this Sunday in Switzerland , or is it Austria ? Oh well – who cares – same place practically.

This year’s final features a typically efficient German side (who always seems to play just good enough to win) and feisty picante-scented Spanish side that has put together some of the best attacking football of the tournament. It should be a classic match. Or, a crap one. Never can tell these things. I envisage the tall Germans cutting and crossing to head the ball on goal while the Spaniards play quick one-twos on the edge of the box to best ageing German goalkeeper Jens Lehman. Too bad for those of you who have to watch it the States and listen to that insufferable onion-headed donkey wanker, Tommy Smyth. I’ll be at the pub, hearing British men shout the all-not-to-often-heard phrase of: “Come on the Germans!” They will do this as they will have money on the game.

Predictions? Well, I’d like to see the Spanish (who doesn’t love Cesc Fabregas?) beat the Germans as they always seem to be in the finals of such things. But who knows? I can tell you something I do know: who won’t score. How do I know who will and will not score? It is because my Daily Telegraph Euro 08 Fantasy Team is a practical voo-doo doll of interweb sports. It was like clockwork all tournament. If I picked the player – they never scored like a goal drought curse had just be cast. If I dropped the player – they’d score in the next game in the first 20 minutes. Without fail, I could do absolutely nothing right. The ultimate confirmation of my unlucky touch? Halfway through the tourney I selected a Dutch defender named Khalid Boulahrouz – he was a clever defender and was a good value - that very day – his daughter died.

No shit.

Perhaps less important, but still rather sad, is that I sit bottom of my work fantasy league enduring stereotypical rants about ‘Yanks not knowing sweet f- all about the footy.’

So, do yourself a favor and grab a 6-pack of Pauliner and a few little plates of them tasty tapas and enjoy watching David Villa, Cesc Fabregas, Fernando Torres, Lukas Poldolski, Michael Ballack, and Bastian Schweinsteiger all not score.

-written by Footy Matt

We aren't the sentimental crowd but we want to wish a good luck to guy who is giving up his post as the biggest sports blogger in the world to join the dreaded main stream media.

On behalf of the staff here at HHR, a fond farewell and good luck to Stephen A. Smith.

Oh, yeah, and that Leitch guy too. Hope he does well.

• Will Leitch's last day at Deadspin (The Third I)
• If Baseball Teams Were Broads - the AL East (Three Idiots on Sports)
• Tantalizing Talent Courtesy of the Memphis Grizzlies? (The Legend of Cecilio Guante)
• Worst. Draft. Ever. (We Suck at Sports)
• “Gay Community Night?” That’s Totally Gay, Bro. (The Fightins)

Today on GMT

South Bend Scott

Congratulations to Rob Iracane, who has been named the second Iron Ref after a close battle - winning by one vote. Granted, this week's voter turnout was less than the last round, but if you think about it - each vote was made more powerful and influential. And isn't that what we want anyway - sheer unbridled power and influence? You voters are like a small group of Gordon Gecko's let me tell ya.

So big ups to Rob, who joins Dewey in the ever growing greats of Kitsch-en Stadium.


The next 3 contestants and the secret ingredient will be announced after the Fourth of July Weekend. That should give you time to heal from that pesky (but patriotic!) sparkler-in-the-eye injury.

But we need a wardrobe change, knuckleheads.

Two nights ago, the ever-fashion conscious Ariel noted the eye-sore that was Wilbon's purple pocket square and blue shirt.

Today, she did a "What the...?" double take, followed by, "Dirtbag."

The left screenshot was taken from today's PTI. The right from Tuesday's.

• Ebay Item of the Week (Three Idiots on Sports)
• You ready for three man beer pong? (The Third I)
• Itch and Scratch (Five Tool Tool)
• Your last place Cleveland Indians (Waiting for next year)
• Hollywood NBA Lottery Mock Draft (The Money Shot)

We were tipped off that each year PolitickerNJ.com anoints its Political Power List, which "identifies New Jersey’s 100 most politically influential personalities...we eliminat[ing] anyone who currently holds elected office, as well as the Judiciary."

This year's list included a few prominent sports figures, including two team owners and a former Scarlet Knight/Steeler Linebacker.

2 John Mara
President, New York Giants

#1 on the power list has only lived in New Jersey for three years, and #2 is a New Yorker: John Mara, the President of the Giants football team. Under Mara’s control is nearly $2 billion in construction projects in the Garden State – a new stadium, a corporate headquarters, and a training complex in Florham Park. He has demonstrated considerable success at influencing public policy in North Jersey, ultimately convincing government officials to spend enormous sums of public money on his projects – and without making huge campaign contributions. The political elite love to be around Mara and his team, especially with a Super Bowl championship and a new stadium coming soon.

17 Elnardo Webster
Democratic fundraiser
Not every former NFL player winds up on ESPN. The former Pittsburgh Steeler is Cory Booker’s best friend and ex-law partner, and a favorite of Jersey City Mayor Jerramiah Healy. He’s also a player in Barack Obama’s presidential campaign. With a base of Newark and Hudson County, he’s making a ton of money, accumulating a tremendous number of chits, and if his guys – Booker , Healy and Obama – win, he’ll keep moving up on this list.

29 Jeff Vanderbeek
Owner, New Jersey Devils

The Devils owner opens his arena – no small fete – and is a regular host to New Jersey politicians who pay homage to him at the Prudential Center.

Last night on MSG WWE Classics, I watched the "incredible" Hulk Hogan defeat champion Iron Sheik (from Tehran, Iran) to kickoff the birth of Hulkamania.

I texted Fat Willard the following:

"Horseshit. In a matter of 3 minutes Hogan breaks out of a Boston crab and the camel clutch, yet Sheik can't kick out of a G-damn leg drop."

And with that ridiculous sequence, the greatest American hero was born.

As if it isn't comedic enough thinking that I once bought into this crap, what really had me laughing was the ensuing celebratory interview with Mean Gene Okerlund.

Not only is does he projectile spit on Okerlund, but he is doused in champagne by an incoherent Frenchman and powerful Pollack (and even we catch a quick glimpse of the Rock's daddy). Mean Gene then brings in "Mr. and Mrs. Hogan" who rave about their son's impact on the "sport" only to be typically cut off by their attention-starved offspring.

Whew! Glad Infineon's over. While it was one of the better road course races in awhile, the shrub still won, and overall it was still a yawn fest. I mean, the stupid California fans cheered the shrub. They cheered him. Don't these latte sipping pinko-commies know that real NASCAR fans do NOT like him. He's the bada** of the sport. He's meant to be booed. I hope the fans at New Hampshire are a little smarter, but the fact that they are all probably Celtic and/or Sox fans already gives me doubts.

So, the boys are heading to New Hampshire this week, one of the flattest tracks on the circuit. New Hampshire also holds the distinction of being the only course other than Daytona and Talladega to use restrictor plates for a Cup event. Years ago, some nincompoop at NASCAR thought it was necessary. It didn't last long because it produced some of the most boring racing known to man (yes, worse than Infineon).

The flatness of New Hampshire requires a driver to be good at getting into and through the corners. Drivers will need good brakes and the ability to let the car roll through the corner and get up off the corner in order to compete. Several drivers have shown an ability to run good at New Hampshire, and I think ole Rusty's going to go with his gut and pick those fellars this week.

For the A list, Tony Stewart isn't a bad pick. He's always been good on the tracks where good braking skills are necessary. He's also due for a breakout as was noted last week. The HMS boys of Jimmie and Jeff aren't bad picks, either, but ole Rusty's going with his gut. It's Smoke time!!!!

Rusty's feeling a bit risky on the B list pick. Martin Truex's been having a mediocre year, but he's proven an ability to get around New Hampshire. He, like Smoke, has gotta be due, yeah?

C list? Ahhhhhh . . . let's just roll the dice.

Y'all come back now, hear?

A List
- T Stewart (20)
B List
- M. Truex Jr. (01)
C List
- T Kvapil (28)

According to the Examiner.com, "Star Wars creator George Lucas used his expert opinion to compare some of his famous characters to famous politicians Tuesday morning."

This got the HHR staff's creative juices flowing, and we decided to follow suit and compare some of Lucas' famous characters to famous athletes Wednesday afternoon. See if you agree.

Character: Luke Skywalker
Athlete: Jim Abbott

Character: Yoda
Athlete: Yogi Berra

Character: 3CPO
Athlete: Mike Piazza

Is he or isn't he? -- Fat Willard

Characters: Ewoks
Athletes: 2002 Anaheim Angels

How about the 2002 Angels with David Eckstein being the cute little popular one. --CR Dunbar


Character: Emperor Palpatine
Athlete: Mark Martin

Character: Darth Vader
Athlete: George Steinbrenner

Character: Princess Leia
Athlete: Allison Stokke

C'mon . . . shouldn't it be the metal bikini shot? --Rusty

Not to sound lesbonic, but i don't think Carrie Fisher's bod does this chick justice. --Ariel

Plus Ren found like the only bad photo of her. --Assassin Ave


Character: Hans Solo
Athlete: Joe Namath

Joe Namath...swashbuckling, hard-living hero who helped lead his team to greatness...plus, Namath has a penchant for always trying to kiss the girl. --Rev. Shaw Moore

Character: Jabba the Hut
Athlete(?): Mark Mangino

Character: Wookie
Athlete: Scot Pollard

Scot Pollard often looks of Wookie descent. --Cadillac Mescalade



Character: Lando Calrissian
Athlete: Grant Hill

Who gets to be Lando (makes a deal w/ the devil but ends up being good in the end)? --Assassin Ave

Grant Hill? Left Detroit for big contract (evil) to Orlando, now playing with heart in Phoenix. --CR Dunbar

Got any more for us?

God bless you technical inventor folk. You keep me happy and plump. I regret all the bad things I said about you in high school.

Introducing the Remote Buddy (ironically the name I used to call my wife when she would fetch the clicker for me).

Remote Buddy Stylish vertical remote holder has four seats to store your most used remotes in one convenient location. Also has a handy cup holder for one drink. Color coded, one touch buttons work in conjunction with specific remotes to help you locate lost remotes. Just push the button on the base to signal lost remote.

This coming NFL season will be even better. Now where the hell is the Emmitt to English button?.

Another elite athlete falls from grace amid PED allegations.

E!: Mario Lopez perspires a lot. Or as he puts it: "I never feel awake unless I'm sweating." We know he's talking about being athletic and fit, but...ew.

"Ew" is right.

I have bitten my tongue long enough.

Whether it was Dancing With your-soon-to-be-ex-lover, displaying jazz hands on Broadway, reporting beside smarmy Jerry Penacoli, running ESPN Hollywood and The Other Half into bolivia, hosting the unwatchable America's Best Dance Crew, you will never, ever be anything more than Albert Clifford Slater.

Your on-again-off-again Hispanic accent, nothing more than an obvious ploy to win votes on DWTS, is as authentic as that of Scott Hall.

I do not want to see your abs. I am not sent to gaga land by your dimples.

Just leave me alone.

Be happy being a fake all-state football, wrestling and basketball player, not to mention a great Jheri-mulleted 80's drummer.



Accept the fact that you are as much a caricature as your buddy Dustin Diamond (Mike D's brother, and Neil's son).

You insist upon yourself.

I love The Money Pit. That is my answer to that statement.

Boston, MA- In an effort to fetch as much money as Doc River's Gatorade soaked shirt, a maid at the Hampton Inn in downtown Boston saved Kobe Bryant's turd stained sheets from his hotel room during his stay in Boston.

Claudia Lopez, of Natick, Mass., cleaned Kobe's room while the Lakers where in town for the final against the Celtics.

"I wasn't sure if it was Kolby's room" Ms. Lopez told the AP, "but then every morning after a Lakers loss the men in the custodial staff would comment how Kolby was 'really shitting the bed' during the finals. So I put one and one together and realized the stained sheets must be his."

The sheets and room were then authenticated by an attractive front desk clerk who confirmed Kobe's room because of the room key he handed her and whispered he was going to get her 'rocky mountain laid.'

The sheets will be auctioned off next week at Christie's with all proceeds going directly to Ms. Lopez's bank account.

The second round of HHR's Iron Ref is on.

Click here for a look at this week's competitors and an overview of the contest. CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE COMMENTS.

Voting will be tallied 5 PM EST on Thursday. Remember, winners will return to compete for the title of Iron Ref. If you are interested in competing, drop us a line.

This round's secret ingredient:

FIRED UP

ROB IRACANE
Some people enjoy spicy food every now and then. Australian stuntman Andrew Hajinikitas laughs in their faces when he cuts out the middle man and simply eats fire. Three years ago, he set a Guinness record on live TV when he drank two whole bottles of Tabasco sauce. This was not long after eating seven jalapeno peppers in less than one minute, still one whole pepper short of the record. Two bottles of Tabasco sauce contain just four ounces of the capsaicin-laden condiment but had you or I attempted to down it, our tear ducts would have cried a million tears and our insides would have melted from the wicked heat. Not Andrew. His intestines are lined with asbestos and his asshole is made of pure steel. His mind is focused on its piquant purpose and his golden throat wouldn't settle for anything less than the best. Forgive me for taking this Iron Ref challenge too literally, but name one professional linebacker or third baseman or defenceman who could down 120 milliliters or pure unadulterated heat without breaking a sweat and I'll show you one pasty-faced Aussie who eats habaneros for breakfast and wipes his ass with poblano peppers..




----------------------------------------

CHRIS FROM BoH
People typically assume being FIRED UP is a good thing in sports. But what does it really mean? Does it mean that you're Kevin Garnett, running around, yelling things, pounding your chest, and choking pretty profusely for 98% of the playoffs? Does it mean that you're a former Mariners manager going off on a profane rant? Well, I guess it could mean those things. If you're a communist. But being FIRED UP can be a good thing if you take a non-traditional approach to how you view it. To me, being FIRED UP means not being afraid to let yourself go. Let yourself be who you are. Let yourself free..in a wave of salty, bodily-produced, watery goodness.

Look at Mike Schmidt. If I may channel Frank Caliendo's shitty John Madden impression, "Now here's a guy who knew how to play baseball." And what did he do when he had to retire? Cry like a little girl whose brother put a cherry bomb in her Barbie dreamhouse.

Or what about legendary bald Canadian Mark Messier? Here he is getting FIRED UP!...and immediately dousing that fire with a stream of douche-chill inducing tears. Skip to like 2:30 in...



And you don't get more FIRED UP than in the manly sport of football. Shoulder pads crash against each other as titans of the turf fight for superiority. Every inch magnified, every play scrutinized. So one needn't be surprised that kind-of-mediocre-yet-inexplicably-revered coach Dick Vermeil occasionally liked to give a podium a bath.

Mainstream America would lead you to believe that intensity is important to masculinity. That being FIRED UP makes you a man. But if that's the case, why don't we revere drunken White trash husbands who slug their wife after a case of Natty Lights? Or applaud the Crip denizens of Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles who shoot someone after their Pumas are smudged? Or Hitler when he...uh...told his funny jokes? Because being FIRED UP in an aggressive way is only acceptable when it's convenient for you, mainstream media.

These heroes in the not-at-all homoerotic world of sports prove that our masculinity is in our ability to leak fluids from our ocular cavities. That type of being FIRED UP never hurt anything but the pride of the person tearing up. And that it's why you should all aspire to be like these juggernauts of the Kleenex world.
----------------------------------------

COLEY WARD
On Monday, June 16, the Mariners fired general manager Bill Bavasi. The beleaguered GM then vented his frustration the only way he knew how – through rap. He is currently in the studio recording his new song, "Fired Up," and the lyrics to the song can be found below.

Fired Up
Lyrics by "Big" Billy Bavasi

They said I was on the hot seat
But I can stand the heat
Last year we won 88
So the prez decided to wait
Before deciding my fate

This season started all wrong
And I ain't got no gold thong
The boss needed a goat
And that was all she wrote
He set Big Billy afloat

You know I'm all fired up
Ever since I got the hook
Big Billy gonna rise up
And get a second look

Now the team is in flames
Bedard won't go deep in games
He's just pitchin' for the dough
Like a $7 million ho
Gives six innings and then no mo'

Richie Sexson can't hit
He was an all-star but now he ain't sh*t
Beltre flashes the glove
But when push comes to shove
His bat offers no love

I'm down with OBP
Yeah, you know me
But Vidro's numbers are down
Got me run out of town
Made me feel like a clown

You know I'm all fired up
Ever since I got the hook
Big Billy gonna rise up
And get a second look

Now I'm plannin' a comeback
Wanna take another crack
At building a team
That rises like cream
Because a man has to dream

Gonna go to the Big Apple
Or if I'm craving scrapple
I'll take my act to Philly
Where the fans can be chilly
But they'll warm to Big Billy.
-------------------------------

Good Lord, I have no idea how you choose between these very different and eclectic takes on this week's theme, but choose you must. Cast your vote in the comments.

I'm sorry. I've never been one to get caught up in the Olympic Spirit. But when I saw this Visa commercial:



I couldn't help but think of anything but this bit:

Now I actually wish I had gone to the parade, if I could hang with some fellas like these.....

• The real reason that Milli Vanilli skit was so scary (Red Sox Monster)
• Leitch goes on the DL (On the DL)
• 2 Lessons I Learned from Attending the Travelers Championship (Simon on Sports)
• Milton Bradley inspires more stupidity (Sports Hernia)
• WWE draft becomes a Game changer (The Camel Clutch)

It's real to me. And if it isn't, I've fallen for much worse.

Watching Bob Ley given it to Josh Hamilton on Outside the Lines on Sunday morning, I couldn't help but notice I had seen that mug before. I was a fan of Lowell, but Joe was the glue that held Wings together.

Quote courtesy of user softmacho82 at mikefrancesa.com:

Quote:

All right, let me get this out of the way, quickly, because if we’re going to dwell on this for the next 5½ hours, we can’t do that. Not enough people care. It’s not that important. In the middle of making sure a 2-year-old doesn’t walk into the deep end of the New Canaan Field Club pool and trying to make sure [my son] ate his chicken nuggets and [my daughter] had her grilled cheese, and I try to lament me losing a tennis match 3-3 in the third set, missing overhead after overhead against [my opponent], Neil Best gives me a call on Saturday night, quarter to six.

First thing he tells me, "I hear the show is breaking up, can you comment?" It was the first I’ve ever heard of that, and Neil, who I like, nice guy, although he did trash my book, which drives me nuts, the "Mad Dog Hall of Fame" book, killed it, killed it, after he didn’t praise the first one. Killed it. But that’s neither here nor there.

I said, "Neil, that’s news to me," and I basically gave Neil Best of Newsday the quote that you’ve read and it still sticks, and that’s the basis of these four or five minutes here, and that’s the fact that I have a contract here at WFAN that runs for an extended period of time. It’s not up on July 2. It’s not up on Labor Day. And it’s not up on my birthday, it’s not up Christmas time, it’s not up at the Super Bowl. It’s not even up at the Final Four.

So this idea that somehow our program that we’ve had fun having done it for 19, 20 years, is on the verge of being dismantled caught me totally by surprise, totally by surprise. Now obviously when you are in this position you have negotiations that have to take place for both sides, Mike included, and sometimes there’s always a hiccup along the way, so people start to think, oh, boy, Chris isn’t rushing to do this or Mike’s not rushing to do that, and then everybody jumps to conclusions, looking to find issues between the two of us as the trigger point of why the show no longer will be the case.

And in this case that trigger point happens to be the quote unquote deteriorating relationship that supposedly Mike and I have been undergoing here for the better part of three or four months, which is not entirely accurate, and let me set the record straight on that. From Easter through May 9, Friday, Molly Russo’s birthday, Easter, right around that period, to May 9, Mike and I were having a lot of issues. If you’re a listener, I don’t have to tell you. Whether it’s Yankee Stadium, good or bad, whether it was David Ortiz-Manny Ramirez, whether it was Don Nelson Hall of Fame, not Hall of Fame, Shaq with Phoenix, Yunel Escobar with the Braves, you name it, we were fighting like cats and dogs.

Hey, our show, I have to take a good part of that responsibility. We were fighting like cats and dogs. The tolerance level of each other, Mike to me, me to Mike, was low. When that tolerance level is low like it is with your wife or your kids, you’re going to have some issues. So from that period to May 9, issues. After I took Sal LaCotta to Lake Compounce on that Sunday, Mother’s Day, with four little kids, Mark Chernoff, our program director calls me up and says, "Listen, can we talk tomorrow? Let’s get this straightened out."

After some initial balking by yours truly, I said, you know what, absolutely. We came down the next day, Mark brought us into his office, Mike and I. I apologized for acting like an idiot at times, Mike did the same thing. Next thing you know we’re back on the same page. So, although we had the occasional skirmish since, I can think of that show at the Belmont with the Manny Ramirez-Youkilis fight, and all those kinds of things, although we’ve had the occasional skirmishes – Spurs, we had a lot of fights on the Spurs – although we had occasional skirmishes, from May 11 or 12 to last Wednesday, I don’t think there was really any problem.

Now was it as good as it may have been in the heyday as far as relationships are concerned? No, because we were killing each other for six weeks. It’s going to take a little while to get back to the same page. So that’s No. 1. Deteriorating relationship? I don’t feel that. Maybe before May 12 I did, but I certainly didn’t feel that from May 12 on. So this theory that, ah, now I know why! They’re leaving! They hate each other! I don’t buy that. Nineteen, 20 years, you’re going to have your issues occasionally. You have to get through those issues.

Now listen, I mean, does that mean Mike’s going to sign a 20-year contract extension with WFAN? Probably not. Does that mean that Christopher Russo is going to sign a 20-year contract extension with WFAN? Probably not. Do I want to work 20 more years doing this? Probably not, probably not. But does that mean that last Wednesday was our last ever show together? That’s a little strong. That’s a little strong. That’s taking a big leap.

And, you know, Neil Best thinks he has something and he’s a good reporter and I like Neil. Again, I would never talk to him about anything like this because for whatever the reason, this is a guy who killed my book. That’s sensitive to authors, and don’t forget, I’m John Grisham. That’s sensitive.

I’ve talked to him about it, but I don’t forget that. He went out of his way to bury that book, same day I was on the Today show. C’mon. But listen, Neil thinks he has something, so he’s going to track me down in the middle of a weekend and he’s going to track Mike down in the middle of a weekend and he’s going to write something. But unless WFAN is going to pull the plug on yours truly, and that’s their right, you are renting their equipment, I don’t see how in the world this show is up by July 10. What’s the date I’m hearing now? July 11 or 12? I don’t see where that’s coming from.

Again, we are under contract. WFAN and Mike and Chris are not stupid. WFAN needs us. You know, everyone is replaceable. We’ve learned that. But they’d like to have us on. We have been doing it for 19, 20 years, and I’m not stupid. This is a great job. I need FAN. Again, that doesn’t mean tomorrow or the next day or whenever that I’m going to put my signature or Mike on a 20-year contract extension. You play it out and see what happens. But I have been here for 20 years. Twenty years. I’ve signed a million contracts with the radio station and I’ve never had an issue of walking out before one was completed.

And this one has a long way to go on it. OK. Can I get my parking spot back now, please? Can I get that back? And Neil is in a tough spot now because Neil is trying to come up with something and he’s put himself out there and I don’t know what he’s going to come up with exactly. He can write all the stories he wants, he can call me 30,000 times. And again, I like him. Good man. Good worker. Works hard. But I don’t know what he’s got exactly. What? That Mike and I are splitting up. Says who? Tell FAN that.

Contracts. Contracts. Contracts. You abide by contracts. Mine’s got a long, long way to go, not to mention that quote unquote non-compete clause following it. You’re never going to get rid of me here. OK, we get that out of the way.

In the late 70's and early 80's, I understand that some exploitative genius figured he could milk has-beens and never-would-bes everywhere who were trying to hold on to their quickly fading youth, with the idea of a professional slo-pitch softball league. No doubt, cocaine had a big influence in this venture.

The American Professional Slow Pitch League (APSPL, 1977-1980), the North American Softball League (NASL, 1980) and the United Professional Softball League (UPSL, 1981-1982) came and went without anyone even noticing.

Fast forward 30 years and this coke and beer-induced dream apparently is close to being realized.

How do I know?

I was half asleep when some ham and egger referring to himself as "Wally Balls" signed off of a national softball television program with (I suppose his catchphrase) "Balls, out."

I woke up assuming I had dreamed the whole thing.

Unfortunately, I didn't.

WorldSoftballLeague.com is the home of Softball 360, which "is broadcast in 70 million homes every summer, highlighting all of the hot topics in the softball from coast to coast."

You read that right.

I enjoy softball as much as any late 20-year-old-to-balding middle-ager. But I ask you. Who the hell would watch such a thing?

Photo: dogpoundsoftball.com

• Saying goodbye to Mike and The Mad Dog (The Third I)
• 5 reasons I ain't scared about the Phillies (Phils-ville)
• Kim Couture has a tremendous pain threshold (On 205th)
• See Ya, George (Crashburn Alley)
• Home video: Youk's walk-off homer (Red Sox Monster)
• The Best View: I’ve Seen Wall-E…And The Future Of Sports (The Best View)
• Overwhelming my capacity for outrage (Five Tool Tool)

Baseball isn't for everyone. It's an acquired taste.

It's not a sport you one day decide to follow after avoiding it for decades. Askmen.com thinks that's poppycock and outlines 4 simple ways to get involved with and understand baseball. Follow these rules and not only will you not learn a thing about the game you could lose some friends and the teeth most vital to chewing.

Step 1: Watch baseball with someone who knows the game

And prepare for a punch in the face when you ask too many questions. First of all, no man is going to waste a ticket to a ballgame on a friend who doesn't like baseball. If you are invited over to watch an important game it's only because he feels guilty not inviting you or he expects you to go on beer and food runs.

There is nothing more annoying then a clueless person in my ear during a game. Wait, there is something more annoying...

Step 2: Learn some baseball lingo

Nothing is more obvious then a person talking about a sport they don't understand. Trust me, I've done it.I know nothing about cars. I would never read about them online and then attempt to explain to my mechanic what the problem is 'in his terms.'

'I think I destroked my cycle fenders and it knocked the Framm filter into my hardtop. '

Don't....DON'T use lingo you don't understand. You will just sound like a bigger jackass or Tim McCarver.

Step 3: Join a baseball pool

Yes, do this. And make your team name 'Your welcome for my entrance fee' or 'I make an even 12 teams.' Then prepare for 4 months of verbal ass-rippings on the message board and one sided trades that even Jim Bowden would slowly back his Segway away from.

Step 4: Play a baseball video game

Video games are the last place a person could learn anything about playing a sport. Do you know any major league baseball team that would go the entire season without a sacrafice bunt (Joe Torre teams not included)? Do you know any NFL team that would go for it on every 4th down? How about an NHL game with the offsides turned off? Video games are sports fantasy, where Mark Prior makes it through an entire month and A-Rod hits in the clutch.

So from now on, for the safety of everyone, I am going to ask Askmen to kindly stick to hot Chick profiles and answering reader emails about the female finger techniques.

Concentrate on the other balls and bats.

Legendary comedian George Carlin passed away last night at the age of 71. Arguably one of the funniest comedians ever he was one of my favorites to watch. You could do a whole day of blog posting on this guy but here is one of his classic bits comparing football and baseball. RIP George.

-Cadillac Mescallade

Welcome back to Kitsch-en Stadium.

The second round of HHR's Iron Ref begins today. Each week a theme is picked - and a selection of writers from sports blogtopia submits a short post with an example of a play, player, team, coach, announcer, season, or some sports-related moment that most appropriately/creatively conveys that week's theme (the secret ingredient).

It can be funny, heartfelt, serious, or crude - whatever the contestants decide. The three posts will be displayed together with any video or pictorial evidence they care to include (embeddable video is encouraged).

As always, the winner will NOT be decided by some highbrow sports elite, but rather by YOU - the uninformed masses - in the comments.

This Week's Theme/Contest/Secret Ingredient

FIRED UP

This week's contestants:

Rob Iracane is the pedantic co-writer of the witty baseball blog Walkoff Walk with the inimitable web personality Camp Tiger Claw. When not leading the Wednesday Afternoon Liveglog Club, Rob approves and rejects pending commenters as the deadtern at Deadspin, and contributes a biweekly column on commenting in his role as the combudsman. His jobs are so unique, words had to be invented to describe them. Rob's favorite athlete is Derek Jeter and his favorite pastime is the New York Times crossword puzzle.


Coley Ward is a co-founder of Umpbump.com and contributes to MLB Trade Rumors. His first job out of college involved chauffeuring the executive producer of ESPN's Cold Pizza from his home in Westport, Conn., to the show's Manhattan studio at 3 a.m. He now lives in Tucson, Ariz., where he roots for the Phillies from afar, brews his own beer, and never, ever wakes up before 7:30 a.m.



BoH Chris is the editor of Blog of Hilarity and the recently launched meme-site YouGotBlurred. Chris is one of the preeminent bloggers who covers not only entertainment and sports, but also regularly ridicules people less fortunate than himself. His hurtful words and diverse, yet somehow wholly worthless, content has gotten him featured in many exciting places, such as Hugging Harold Reynolds and (TBD). He is also extremely well-endowed and currently doing laundry.

If you feel that you deserve a shot at an Iron Ref (we'll have a Hall of Fame soon enough) and other luminaries of sports blogging, Email HHR to participate.

This ongoing event was inspired by and received blessing from the great and awesome Iron Clef, which you should check out, you band dork.

Skateboarding is dangerous.

The threat of injury. A nut shot and permanent pee-pee damage. Now, the most frightening of all....random women screaming and threating to take away your calling cards.

Sen. McCain makes a sports-related funny about our neighbors up North.

Adam Jones is kindly asking the media to refrain from calling him 'Pacman'

This makes sense given his vow to turn over a new leaf. 'Pacman' makes it rain, shoots up strip clubs, and has people showing up dead all the time. Adam is an upstanding member of the National Football League and the Dallas community.

Here is a list of some other sports star that also have asked the media to drop their long-standing nicknames to reflect the athlete they've become:

Orenthal James 'O.J.' Simpson- A man named Orenthal wouldn't hurt a fly. An O.J. will kill you.

David Lee 'Tank' Abbott- Tanks win ground battles.

Larry 'Chipper' Jones- Frankly he has had nothing to be excited about in Atlanta since the 90's.

Randy 'The Big Unit' Johnson- From now on should be referred to as 'talent proportionate to a fella his age and stature.'

Covelli 'Coco' Crisp - Boston fans probably enjoy cereal. Can't say the same for this Coco. Rumors from the Sox locker room that he does indeed leave the toilet water brown, so this name might never go away.

Dontrelle 'The D-Train' Willis- Was going to ask to just be called Dontrelle, but then found out the D-train ironically gets you to the Tigers minor league farm team in Toledo. So this is rather appropriate.

'The Gambler' Kenny Rogers- Would just like to be referred to as Kenny Rogers, like the singer. They both used enhancements to prolong their average career.

'The Baby-Faced Assassin' Isiah Thomas- No longer baby faced or an unassuming assassin. When Zeke comes to town a franchise is going down.

'Big Ben' Ben Roethlisberger- While Ben is still tall in stature, Big Ben itself is a piece of precision timekeeping. Repeated blows to the head have left Roesthlisberger unsure what year this is.

Dulymus 'Deuce' McAllister - While Duece has become synonymous with his average yards per carry and the numbers of games he plays per season, Dulymus will do just fine.

'The Tuna' Bill Parcells - Coach Parcells has not eaten a healthy meal, let alone fish, since the 1986 NFC Championship game.

'The President' Reggie Bush- Does not want to be associated with a person so highly regarded as a 'terrible choice' and someone who came out so beloved and will leave with a tarnished legacy. I am referring to the actual President. He wants nothing to do with Reggie.

"If you want nookie tonight, I expect nothing less than a triple-double."

• Granny basketball league: no running, no jumping, no dunking allowed (Daily Iowan)
• Interview with Mr. Vincent K. McMahon (Sports Biz)
  
• Legendary foreign draft prospects of the NBA (The Sports Hernia)
• Blog Show No. 53: I Hate Goodbyes (Mr. Irrelevant)
• Jessica Hardy Interview (Rizzo Sports)
• A Leafs fan's original take on The Love Guru (Out of Left Field)

Today on Gem Mint Ten:

• Matt Nokes Has Got it Covered

John Gibbons was shown the door in Toronto today.

What's more amazing, as Rob at Walkoff Walk puts it, "Holy crap they hired Cito Gaston!"

I may not be an Orioles fan, but as a Phillies fan, like my friends in Bmore, I don't forget.

Get your Cito Still Sucks shirt at our HHR Spreadshirt shop.

I still can't get that damn "Lollipop" song out of my head.

And with that in mind...some more Lil Wayne news:

It appears "The Carter" aka "Young Weezy" will take his iced-out grill to the big screen, starring in a movie called Patriots.

Apparently he will play Lamont, a high school basketball player, and was elevated to a lead role after reading well in the early rehearsals. Filming has already begun in New Orleans.

*Spoiler alert*

This one could be headed straight to VHS (or laser disc) as it does not even have an entry on IMDB (although, it does have Forest Whitaker).

*End Spoiler*

My big question is will they airbrush out the tear drop tattoos on his face, that in my limited experience, stands for murders completed...just wondering.

-Posted by Cadillac Mescalade

Our buddy Eric at phillyBurbs' Camel Clutch grabs us some video of Fox News' coverage of everyone's favorite feisty newswoman, Alycia Lane's lawsuit against CBS.

In the suit, apparently Lane talks about sending Rich Eisen bikini pictures, noting he only wanted to show him a "mutual acquaintance" in the pictures and that he insisted she "send them anyway" even though she thought she didn't look so hot in them.

Why is this still news?

The Independent Florida Alligator brings us news that is, well, refreshing.

Members of the '06/'07 Gators' championship team, Atlanta Hawk Al Horford and Denver Nugget Taurean Green, are back on campus this summer working towards their degrees.

Says Green, "People ask why we come back, because we're making a lot of money now. But there's life after basketball, so you might as well come back and get it done. Basketball is not forever. I wish it could be, but it's not."

While people chide the NBA's crackdown on athletes' attire and age restrictions, it's good to see two dudes with their priorities in mind and voluntarily looking out for their own best interests in terms of furthering theirselves off the court.

With 93% of precincts reporting, HHR is calling a winner...
Iron Ref: Sore Losers
Contestants: Lady Andrea, Dewey Hammond, Chris Mottram

In what turned out to be a 2-person race with early favorite TSB's Chris Mottram being rendered Irrelevant, the voting public has spoken, and Yardbarker Managing Editor Dewey Hammond has been crowned this week's (inaugural) Iron Ref. Dewey ran most of the competition neck-in-neck with Truman State University alumna Lady Andrea of Bugs & Cranks/Ladies... fame.

Remember folks, this is not a scientific (or even legitimate) process. We prefer keeping voting in the comments because it gives us an additional forum for the likes of Flatusyahu and the Tirico Suave boys.

That said, we have about 20 sports bloggers, from both large sites and ones you may not have heard of, that we will be pitting against each other in the near future. Look for the next 3 contestants and the secret ingredient to be announced on Monday.

Clearly, if Hammond taught us anything, this contest is all about (self-described) shameless self-promotion. But I guess that is why we all write on blogs, isn't it?

Without further ado, we crown Dewey's ass Iron Ref.

• The LCG's Inaugural MLB All-Crazy Team (Legend of Cecilio Guante)
• The Ray Allen Eye Conspiracy. True or False? You Decide! (NESW Sports)
• 10 THINGS THE PGA TOUR CAN DO TO INCREASE ATTENDANCE (The World of Isaac)
• Rusty's girlfriend from European Vacation spotted at Euro Cup (Sports Hernia)
• Phillies Fan Parking Lot Fight & Nitrous Balloons (Busted Coverage)
  

Today on Gem Mint Ten

• Tom Niedenfuer is Mad as Hell

As the fallout in Los Angeles continues following the Celtics demolition of the Lakeshow in Game 6, LA Times columnist TJ Simers, never one to pull a punch, completely dropped the hammer on the Lakers.

I have seen some columnists in some papers take teams to task, but this guy better be wearing a flak jacket next time he enters the Staples Center. Short of calling the Lakers a bunch of girls...oh wait, he did write "Two teams go for the title, and one of them has to lose, but that doesn't mean getting pulverized and exposed as big softies -- the Lakers laying down like whipped dogs."

Pretty rough stuff for a person that covers the team on a regular basis. Usually it's Mike and the Mad Dog that can lob those grenades from afar without ever actually setting foot in a locker room. Think this column was interesting? Check out the exchange he had with the master sensai Phil Jackson himself:

"Do you have a working title for your new book, and do you think by the time you are done with that book you will be able to explain Odom's inconsistency?" I asked Coach Phil Jackson before the game.

"The answer to both questions is no," Jackson said.

and secondly

...still wasn't convinced, though, so I thought it was time to also get something out of Phil Jackson, who is supposed to be the best ever at this time of the season.

"I believe you're getting paid $10 million for moments like this," I said at his pre-game news conference.

"How would you even know that stuff?" he replied. "You're not the IRS."

"Is it more than that?"

"Do I ask information about you?" Jackson said.

"I don't make $10 million, but should."

"Should not," Jackson countered, and I know he's a friend of Sam Zell, the Times' new owner, so that's not what I wanted to hear.

"Let's not get in an argument," I said. "Isn't this supposed to be your time to make adjustments and show us some magic?"

"You're right," Jackson said.

"Does it start tonight? And if it doesn't, can we come after you?"

"You can ask for a rebate," Jackson said, which tells me there's every chance in the world the way the NBA is going these days he had already gotten the memo indicating who was going to win Game 3.

Say what you want, but I hope they give this guy two chairs at press row, one for him, and one for the balls it must take to look the Lakers in the face again come training camp in Hawaii.

-Posted by Cadillac Mescallade

Lil' Vai Sikahema is not holding back any punches prior to his fight against Jose Canseco slated for July 12 at Bernie Robbins Stadium in Atlantic City.

He let out a verbal barage this morning on WMMR Philadelphia's Preston and Steve show, noting he gave Jose "a bottle of barbeque sauce and told him to baste his ribs," and mocked Canseco for wearing his sunglasses inside, noting he is not a rockstar, but a "punk" who hit baseballs 20 years ago."

Good stuff. Here's the audio.

Simmons does running diaries. Others do Live Blogs. I give to you my Live Running Blog Diary.

Dear LRB Diary,

9:30 - Streets in downtown Boston close. Crowd's beer cans open. Must be a total coincidence.

9:31 - The yelling begins. They can't possibly keep this up

9:45 - Someone brought a trombone it sounds like.

9:55 - Now I am getting on a conference call for work. With the parade going on under my window. What could possibly go wrong.

10:01 - The people on my conference call asked about the parade. I told them of my green pants and the intoxicated crowds. Pretty sure half of them think I'm wasted based on my enthusiasm for my fierce green pants. *6 - MUTE, ON.

10:10 - Yankees Suck. Seriously?

10:11 - Beat LA! Hmm.

10:12 - Wooo!!!! WHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! There we go. That's the right stuff. Hey look. Cops!

10:20 - "Chief, what do you think? Chief?" Oh crap. I answer with mute still on. long silence. *6 MUTE OFF, followed by trombones and honking. My conference call assumes I am under attack by a drunken marching band. I answer the question with "I pretty much agree with what has already been said, but think the subtle differences are worthy of a bit more discusssion." I am not just a bullshitter. I am a bull-shit artiste.

10:45 - It is 10:45 in the morning and someone definitely booted on the street. And people are boo-ing. I do not know if these are connected. Now there are cheers! He must have rallied. Or punched a cop.

UDATE
11:30 - Free pizza. Word.

11:40 - We go to Live Running Picture Blog Diary. Booyah.

Note to self: get confetti cannon truck.

Before any entrance, be sure to have the place spotless

Here come the Celts

'Nuff said.

Pierce (upper left) holds up his MVP trophy

A shot of KG with the trophy. If it seems blurry and out of focus, you must have too much awesomeness in your eyes.

KG again with the hardware

At the cemetery on the left lay the victims of the first Boston Massacre

Just another normal day in Boston.

Post Parade Update: The parade is long gone, but the streets are still a happening place to be. Chants of DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! are going on. But the best chant by far has been the SCAL-A-BRINE (clap clap clapclapclap!) one. Well played.

I got it pretty sweet - for every Boston championship, the parade runs right underneath my office. Though I have to say, with an hour to go, the Celts parade route is looking a little thin. I will concede that the crowd in general sounds way more intoxicated than the Red Sox throngs. So yay us. The parade begins soon, but I thought I'd show off my serious green pants - completely inappropriate office attire in every way.

AP Photo via Big League Stew

The Daily News reports that following Jose Reyes' insubordination toward Jerry Manuel when the shortstop didn't want to leave the game after tightening a hammy, the new Mets skipper decided to go all gangster.

"I told him next time he does that I'm going to get my blade out and cut him. I'm a gangster. You go gangster on me, I'm going to have to get you. You do that again, I'm going to cut you right on the field.

"Any time you step in this position, you have to be ready to react and do what you think is right. As long as I'm doing what's right, yeah it may take awhile to get through, but as long as you're doing the right thing, I think everything will be okay. I wasn't hoping something like that would happen and set a precedent. Not at all. As a matter of fact, I was like, 'Oh, Lord, here we go. Here we go. Okay. All right.' But it worked out well. Again, I like the attitude of Jose Reyes."

Make no mistake about it, road course racing, especially at Infineon is a yawn fest. Now, there are many folks out there who joke about turning left and the excitement of multiple turns in opposite directions, s curves, etc. The truth of the matter, though, is that the racing at Infineon is just not as exciting as the standard ovals as far as Rusty is concerned.

The passing is minimal. Passing in multiple grooves all over the racetrack is what makes stock cars superior to other forms of automobile racing. The reason I cannot stomach IRL or Formula 1 is because I cannot stand to watch cars go single file for hours on end going through turns at 30 mph. Passing 2 competitors in a turn at nearly 170 mph, that's excitement. The ability to bump those cars while passing just adds to it. Infineon gives me none of this. That being said, it is what is is, so here's a few predictions.

Jeff and Tony are due to win. They are both winless so far and in need of one . . . badly. Both drivers run well at Infineon, so look for both of them to contend for the win. Rusty will stick with team loyalty, though, and pick Jeff.

The B list driver is a cinch, Juan Pablo Montoya. JPM got the only win of his career last year at Infineon, and he's surely strong enough to repeat.

The C list pick is a real crap shoot. The C list is full of the road course ringers who come out of the woodwork for Infineon and the Glen (Said, Pruett, Fellows, Ambrose). Knowing that with Rusty's luck, this'll finally be the time ole Boris wins, I'm going to pick against him and go with Hornish. Hornish has been running pretty well on the ovals, although he doesn't seem to be able to finish. He seems to be learning how to handle a stock car and should do very well with one on his old faithful road course.

So, if you like road courses, then this is your week. If you're like Rusty and prefer the typical stock car oval where "rubbin's racin", go outside and enjoy a nice Sunday.

Y'all come back now, hear?

A List
- J Gordon (24)
B List
- J.P. Montoya (42)
C List
- S Hornish Jr. (77)

Earlier, The Hotline reported that around 5 PM today Muhammad Ali visited Barry O's Chicago offices. (Not this Barry O, this Barry O).

Interesting.

One dude converted to Islam and avoided military service, the other distances himself from Muslims in public (literally) and strongly denies being one in order to become Commander in Chief.

Wonder what they talked about.

Sens. Charles Schumer and Hillary Clinton, and Rep. Brian Higgins are sponsoring legislation "to rename the stretch of road that runs near Ralph Wilson Stadium, home of the Buffalo Bills and Russert’s favorite sports team, as the "Timothy J. Russert Highway.""

Said Schumer, "Though he redefined Washington for generations to come, Tim Russert was always—to his very core—Mr. Buffalo. By naming this portion of Route 20a in his honor, we hope that Tim Russert will never be far from the home he loved so dearly."

Below is information on House Resolution 1275 from Thomas.gov.

---

H.RES.1275

Title: Honoring the life of Timothy John Russert, Jr., public servant, political analyst, and author.
Sponsor: Rep Higgins, Brian [NY-27] (introduced 6/17/2008) Cosponsors (89)
Latest Major Action: 6/17/2008 Passed/agreed to in House. Status: On motion to suspend the rules and agree to the resolution Agreed to by the Yeas and Nays: (2/3 required): 395 - 0 (Roll no. 416).

SUMMARY:

***NONE***

MAJOR ACTIONS:

6/17/2008 Introduced in House
6/17/2008 Passed/agreed to in House: On motion to suspend the rules and agree to the resolution Agreed to by the Yeas and Nays: (2/3 required): 395 - 0 (Roll no. 416).

TITLE(S): (italics indicate a title for a portion of a bill)

* OFFICIAL TITLE AS INTRODUCED:
Honoring the life of Timothy John Russert, Jr., public servant, political analyst, and author.

COMMITTEE(S):

Committee/Subcommittee: Activity:
House Oversight and Government Reform Referral

Now he can die in peas.

• Kevin Garnett Butchers Adidas Slogan? (Sports Biz)
• TOP 10 CONSOLATIONS FOR BOSTON HATERS (Five Tool Tool)
• 6th Greatest Mustache in NFL History: Cliff Harris (Shutdown Corner)
• Javon Walker Tells Story to Gossip Blog. Really? (The Sporting Blog)
• Tigers' tribute to Jeremy Bonderman is a little weird, no? (Big League Stew)
• Red Sox fans walk around CBP like they own the place (The Fightins')
• At Least We Aren't Mets Fans (We should be GM's)

This is a farce. Everyone knows the Wolverines don't blow their load in the shower...

...they do it in the bowls.

RIMSHOT!

Kevin Garnett loses his mind on live television.



If anyone watched the post game festitivies of last night's Boston Celtics romp over the LA Lakers to claim the NBA Championship you know where this is going.

Almost as entertaining as watching the Celtics light up the Lake-Show was Michelle Tafoya's interview with an out-of-control Kevin Garnett. I had read the stories throughout the playoffs that Garnett didn't sleep for something like four nights at one point and is so hyped for games he can barely control himself.

This apparently bubbled over during the final moments of the game and postgame. After Garnett got done unloading profanities during the final minutes of the game, (this caused announcer Mike Breen's mic to get cut off several times), he was interviewed by Tafoya.

Not only did KG go semi-Namath on us and tell Tafoya how good she looked, but he shouted out on (by my unofficial count):

• three Chicago suburbs;
• his mother (2x);
• father;
• someone known as "Peanut;"
• and Minnesota (the team that traded him to Boston).

Ahh his beloved 'Sota....amazing.

This only got most interesting during the post game press conference when Garnett went off on a tangent about knocking out a bully that is waiting for you outside your house everyday. Bottom line, the bully has been knocked out and the Celtics are NBA Champions.

It is also worth mentioning that the Celtics conducted possibly the first ever indoor Gatorade bath when Paul Pierce covered Doc Rivers in the red stuff, and leave it to the Celtics to line their bench with their entire families with roughly 3 minutes to go in an NBA Finals Game.

The NBA is FAN-tastic...I really mean that.

-posted by Cadillac Mescallade

Lock away your wives and daughters.

Screamin' A. was on WIP's Morning Show today with Angelo, and before getting into the NBA Finals, SAS dropped a little knowledge on how to score in the bedroom.



There you have it.

After each major sporting event, HHR takes a look at how it is portrayed in news print in some of the nation's leading dailies. Part out of curiosity, and part to preserve the dying medium.

Note: LA Times is not yet available.

Boston Globe

Boston Herald
Washington Post
New York Times

Seattle Post-Intelligencer

Trentonian

Dallas Morning News
Detroit Free Press
Houston Chronicle

Philadelphia Inquirer

Kansas City Star

Charlotte Observer

Cleveland Plain Dealer

----
See Also:
Super Bowl XLII
Stanley Cup
The Great American Race

HHR's resident redneck is back...!

YEEEEEEE HAAAAWWWWWW!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, the winless streak is over. After 76 races and some great pit strategy, Dale Jr has won a points race. Ole Rusty's going to just bask in the glory!

Now, you might have heard there was some controversy to the win. Matt "the robot" Kenseth, and the redhead from North Carolina (i won't name him for reasons that will be obvious in just a moment) can whine all they want, but the fact is that when the race ended, Junior was #1, fair and square.

Kenseth, Vickers Question How End of Race Played Out

They should both take a cue from Junior. No matter what has happened over the previous two years, he's not whined. When the shrub wrecked him at Richmond mere laps from victory, Dale Jr. didn't whine. He didn't blame the shrub. He made a joke and said his team would be back again. When the redhead from NC wrecked him (and his teammate) to get his ONLY Cup win down in 'Dega, Junior didn't complain. He just said that's racing, and it was.

This time, Tony Jr. made a little gamble and it paid off for Junior, and a few people are fussing. SHUT-UP!!!! Let him enjoy his win, but know it won't be the last! As Hammond so eloquently puts it, the pressure is off now. Jr's been running consistently with great equipment at HMS. He's got the win under his belt and more should be quick to follow. Daytona's just around the corner . . . oh boy!!!

Michigan is Only One Step for JR.

Author's Note: Ole Rusty's been busy creating a NASCAR lover's man cave in his new house, so he's been a bit out of the blog loop, but don't worry he's back now! Tune in Thursday for the weekly fantasy picks for the first road course (yawn) of the year.

Businessweek reports that an analysis conducted by Deutsche Bank shows that for the years when a horse won the Triple Crown, the S&P 500 stock index fell by an average of 6.4 percent. For the 20 years that a contender missed at the Belmont, the market averaged a 10.8 percent gain.

In other news, whenever I breath, a baby is born. You're welcome...world.

While the Celtics may be tired from the flight, the scumbags, scammers, and sexual predators of craigslist aren't fatigued in the slightest. If you're looking for tickets to the Celts-Lakers game, sometimes you do what you gotta do. And sometimes you're what's getting done.

As always, these are real ads put up by real (probably fake) people.

TRADE: SOX/YANKEES for CELTICS tonight
Only in Boston would someone actually forgo seeing game 6 to watch the Sox play a third place AL East Team. This seller would be better off offering to mow someone's lawn.

wanted: 2 tickets to tonight's game - will do yardwork or anything
Dude - this is craigslist. If in desperation you give someone the option of "anything" OR "yardwork" be prepared for them to ask if you know how to use a leaf-blower. Also be ready for them to say it ain't gonna be used for yardwork. (Trust me on this. And screw you Ryan Leaf).

Anybody feeling generous?
Probably, which is why they are taking their friends, family and not some stranger who probably has meth-teeth.

courtside BLACK SEATS tonight for sale!
Well that's just racist against white people. See - Boston's come so far!

ACTUAL FAN LOOKING FOR CELTICS TICKETS
Something about this says post title makes me wonder if this actual fan has ever touched an actual woman with his actual hand.

Alex, I'd like Two Celtics Game 6 Tickets for Two Thousand
This is tough, because you are depending on three things - first that someone named Alex has tickets and second that he (or she) plans to sell them. Thirdly you think people still watch Jeopardy.

Trade DJ services for Celtics tickets to Game 6
Clearly, this was posted by former Celtics great Dennis Johnson, who will come to your driveway and do game-winning layups for 45 minutes. No autographs.

iiiiiiiiii've got tickets, bump bump, bump bump.
I'm going with this being an outright lie. It's probably someone who wants to feel the rush of joy brought from the envy of others. The worst part of this one is no one knows what freaking song that is.

F*ck me for my Celtics tickets
Well OK - we're getting right to the point here. But there's still too much left to the imagination and without a picture of the person with their tickets, this might actually be a scam! The only way to stop people like this is to go to their house, f*ck them, and then NOT take their fake tickets. Ha! Who's the scam artist now!?

If the Celtics Win.....You can F*ck me up the a** ! (NSFW PIC)
That is a level of specificity even I didn't anticipate. And they included a pic, which probably makes OH GOD MY EYES MY EYES MY EYES OH DEAR LORD YOU CAN'T DO IT IF YOU CAN'T FIND IT OH GOD AND WHY IS THAT FACE SMILING THIS IS THE END OF DAYS

Trade 4 Jonas Bros tickets for 4 Celtics tickets Game 6
Oh really? Ummm, I'll trade a brick I found behind my house! How about a burned out bulb or a half-ear of corn my dog regurgitated? Maybe you could just offer up four piles of hot human feces next time?!

4 COLDPLAY TIX TRADE FOR 2 CELTICS TIX
Oh someone already did.

Enjoy the clincher everyone!

Don't Forget to vote for the Iron Ref.
Voting ends Thursday.

• Did Dick Bavetta Throw The Race Against Barkley Race At The 2007 All-Star Game? (Fan IQ)
• Other ways the Mets could have fired Willie (The Sports Hernia)
• IWS All-Stars (I'm Writing Sports)
• NBA Finals X Factor: The Vanessa Curry Mask (Don Chavez)
• Other Rules That Hank Would Like To See Changed (Tirico Suave)
• The Night Time Ninjas Got to Willie (Simon on Sports)
• Manny & Charlie: A match made in baseball heaven (The Fightins')
• New York Comedy Festival (Waiting For Next Year)
• Dan Steinberg Is the Pride of Fredonia, NY (Mister Irrelevant)

Today at Gem Mint Ten:

• Craig Grebeck Has a Napoleon Complex

Goes a bang, bang bang!

WHACKED!

In this space yesterday, I suggested a different alternative to the Mets managerial woes, Henry Hill from the movie Goodfellas.

While at the time the words were written in jest, who knew in the middle of the night the New York Metropolitans would make my idea seem rational?

It is a sad day to be a Mets fan after the way they have handled the firing of manager Willie Randolph, pitching coach Rick Peterson, and throw-in Tom Neito (still not sure what this guy did wrong). This is a move we expect out of the Yankees organization, not the Mets.

This move also wreaks of the same stench as when the Colts were moved out of Baltimore in the middle of the night. First, to bring a manger on a cross-country trip when you know you are going to fire him is low, then to wait until after the game and in the middle of the night to whack him when he gets back to his hotel is just uncalled for.

You thought the parallels to Goodfellas might have ended yesterday, but they haven't. "Willie is gone and there wasn't nothing we could do about it." Just like when Tommy enters the empty catering hall thinking he is going to be made only to take it to the back of the head, the Mets let Willie fly to Anaheim thinking he was the manager only take him out along with a few of his consiglieres.

I guess the Mets late-season collapse last year proved to be Willie's "Billy Bats" incident and the Wilpons never forgave him for that. Well, at least Willie went out a winner. It was fun to watch the Mets last night. I finally got to see a game on TV here in Southern California. It's just a bummer it was Willie's last. They better find the right person to take this team into Citi Field, whether it be Jerry Manuel, Wally Backman, or whoever. Let's Go Mets!

-Posted by Cadillac Mescallade

Just shut up already.

As a Yankee fan, sports fan, and decider of all things asinine, I'd like to congratulate Hankie on already eclipsing his father in his 1970-80's glory years and even the fake Seinfeld Stein to take the title as the biggest jackass named Steinbrenner.

I can understand his emotion. Chien Ming Wang's injury is going to kill the Yankees for this season, pending blockbuster trade or not. This is seriously going to ruin their chances of finishing third in the American League East.

But let's not go crazy.

American League pitchers are still PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES who should be more than capable of jogging 60, 90 or however many feet is necessary every couple months during interleague play, should they somehow get a hit.

How do you think pitchers pitchers keep up their stamina and stay in shape on off days? Yes, the Wii Fit.

No, running you jackass.

If Stein is going to complain about anything, it shouldn't be the fact that pitchers have to hit, it should be that the leagues have different rules to begin with. Either DH or no DH but pick one, and both leagues have to comply. It's like making a touchdown worth 6 in AFC and 5 in the NFC. You can't have different rules for teams in the same sport.

If anyone needs a jog around the bases, it's these fat bastards. (I do have room to talk, I recently switched to diet ribs.)



Come to think of it...

Looking pretty portly Hank...pretty...pretty portly.

Really? Which parts were positive? Which alleged retirement are you referring to?

As quoted in the Star Tribune's Access Vikings, the former Favre teammate and current Vike said, "It’ll be good for the simple fact that they are retiring his jersey, he left the game on his own terms. There are a lot of things that are positive about the way he retired. I’m happy for him and happy to see him go into the second chapter of his life."

On his own terms, indeed.

Asked if he thinks Favre will stay retired, Ferguson said: "I’m not sure, I’m not sure. That’s a good question. I know he still wants to play. He just doesn’t want to be in training camp and things of that nature. But he still loves the game. He’ll probably always love the game regardless of if he stays retired or not."

So is Fergie hinting Favre's really not content on being retired and that this is just a ploy to avoid training camp?

Someone put Aaron Rodgers on suicide watch.

This is why your mother didn't teach you how to play baseball.

A. That Bartolo Colon might still have a posse after getting lit up so badly.

B. That Howard and Burrell each tripled in the same game (as The Fightins' Meech points out "Howard has a stolen base and a triple in back-to-back games. Davey Lopes must be doing something right").

C. That this lady hasn't learned her lesson to listen to her husband.

If you don't want to break your neck, stay out of the nuttiness.

The first round of HHR's Iron Ref is on.

Click here for a look at this week's competitors and an overview of the contest. CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE COMMENTS.

Voting will be tallied 5 PM EST on Thursday, when we will announce the next 3 competitors. Remember, winners will return to compete for the title of Iron Ref. If you are interested in competing, drop us a line.

This round's secret ingredient:

SORE LOSERS

LADY ANDREA

I've dealt with a lot of sore losers in my life. They have generally involved my nerdy friends from high school, Trivial Pursuit and copious amounts of alcohol. When I saw this theme, I immediately started thinking of my teams (StL Cards and Iowa Hawkeyes) and what event would be the best example of Sore Losers. And then it came to me. The perfect example. I have never seen a bigger bunch of cry-to-their-mamas boys than when the Ladies did the Hot Blogger Bracket. Worms. Pandora. Can. Box. Utter. Mayhem. Salty. Tears. It spiraled ridiculously out of control. You should SEE the emails we received from bloggers. "Why am I seeded so low?" "Why am I up against [redacted]?" "Why didn't you link to THIS?" "Can't you tell he's CHEATING?" "Can't you FIX IT?" "Where IS Jimmy Hoffa?" "WHO let the dogs out?" "What would YOU do for a Klondike bar? [wink wink]" If you'd like to, you can still see the comment threads where supposedly grown men were acting cattier than beauty pageant contestants.

It was supposed to be fun. It devolved into this. We finally took the hottest one who wasn't acting like a complete ninny and crowned his ass. And in the ensuing congratulatory thread, we still had someone questioning our methods. Sore losers, indeed.


DEWEY HAMMOND

"Nothing on earth consumes a man more quickly than the passion of resentment.” Friedrich Nietzsche wrote that. Or so says the Internet. I don’t read philosophy. Instead I spend the waning remainder of my 20s drinking beer irresponsibly fast.

Competition is emotional, and today’s fans are unrelenting, which is why I will always empathize with whomever tomorrow’s meltdowns involve. Besides, outbursts and press-conference blowups are blasé. It’s those who refuse to detach themselves from the pain of losing who should be most embarrassed.

Stanford and Cal football compete annually for the Stanford Axe, a trophy that displays the outcome of each year’s Big Game, a rivalry dating back to 1892. Whenever Stanford holds the axe, Cal’s 25-20 victory in 1982 is altered to read 20-19, in favor of Stanford, which to this day gripes about The Play: His knee was down… That lateral was forward… Dozens of Cardinal geeks storming the field with their trombones and oboes and calculators and pocket protectors must have somehow given Cal an unfair advantage… blah blah blah; get over it already.




CHRIS MOTTRAM

Sore loser is no easy ingredient to work with. It's bitter and sour with a hint of acidity. It can be quite volatile and tends not to mix well with other ingredients. It's a tall order, to be certain, but let's see what verbal dishes we can whip up in 300 words or less …

First course: King James Teary Tuna Tartare, made with LeBron's freshly squeezed sore loser, infantile, crybaby tears only moments after not receiving an and-1 call while practicing alone in the gym. This is served with a side of incredibly overrated Tom Kha Gai soup.

Second course: Serena Scallops, brushed with the obnoxious air of arrogance left behind as Ms. Williams went stomping out of her French Open post-defeat press conference, then pan grilled until completely insufferable and totally miserable.

Third Course: Hellmuth Hate Stew. A combination of the bullets he's dodged, amateur horseshit luck, the letters that spell "poker" and shavings from his oversized face-mole.

Fourth Course: Belichick Skirt Steak, perfectly marbled to have an 18:1 meat-to-fat ratio, topped with a Gorgonzola cream sauce, which we slow simmered with the hand sweat from Bill's one-second-too-soon Super Bowl handshake.

So who's it gonna be? There's only enough desert for one. Vote in the Comments.

• Flavor Flav Proves To Be Stepping Stone Before Banging Athletes (Bill Palmer Sports)
• Wrestling’s greatest feuds - Taz vs. Sabu (The Camel Clutch)
• Buzz Bissinger, Still Talking Blogs (Unfortunately) (Real Clear Sports Blog)
• My Winning Fantasy (Five Tool Tool)
• Fanhouse Interview on Sexism in Sports Blogging (Ladies...)

Today on Gem Mint Ten:

• Dick Groat
• Reader Participation: Heckle This

After conversing about a recent Newsweek article regarding MLB's "Ritalin addiction," HHR enlisted our good friend Chris Illuminati from phillyBurbs' The Third I to highlight a different perspective on the use of workplace performance enhancers.

The Competitive Advantage
Guest Post by Illuminati

The competitive advantage. The edge that makes a person just slightly better than another. In sports it's become the norm. Starting with Jim Bouton, North Dallas Forty, the cocktails and needles that the early warriors used to get onto the field and progressing into steroids, HGH, the clear, the cream, and now Viagra, there seems to be no limit nor end of the line. It's either available now or will be soon enough.

With every revelation of a famous athlete testing positive, I would shake my head and wonder 'don't these guys care about their health?' I'd wonder how a person could knowingly take a drug that could do irreversible damage to their body and years off their life. All to hit the weight room harder, hit a ball farther, hit an opponent with greater force, and hit pay dirt with a contract that would secure a comfortable life, no matter how long that life may last. I know money and fame are a dangerous drug but I was positive if I were in that situation I would never look to drugs as an alternative. I would be the bigger person. The real man in a world of cheaters and drug abusers.

Then I read this article.

On the surface it just appears to be another way for the cheaters to use drugs to gain that athletic edge. It struck a nerve with me on a personal level.

About a year ago, I was hired as an online content editor. The position involved a considerable amount of writing and editing.

While writing has always been a strong suit, paying attention to anything for longer than ten minutes was a challenge. I just considered myself unmotivated and lazy.

On the advice of my fiance and some extensive research, I went to the doctor about Attention Deficit Disorder. Everyone thinks they have ADD in some form or another. I took several online tests and passed them all. Of course, the only tests I would pass. The doctor gave me a similar diagnosis and prescribed a very mild drug that could help with my problem. It's not as drastic as Ritalin or Adderall where I will immediately feel as though I am on a drug and it's also not as addictive. The drug takes a gradual effect without noticeable changes.

The doctor said I may not even notice a difference but those around me would notice a change.

Call it a placebo but I noticed a difference within the first week. Long story short, the medication cuts down the chatter in my head. I am not all over the place in my thinking. I can take one task to completion and move on to the next. My writing improved because I could stay focused. I cut in half the time it would take me to complete even the most challenging writing assignment. I fell in love with the results.

I could pump out more material, the web hits doubled, and my work was getting noticed.

It wasn't until I read this Newsweek piece that I realized I may be no different than the athletes I considered cheaters.

Drugs are illegal but there is nothing morally illegal about medication (prescribed or otherwise) to become a better writer. If so, there might not be a Hemingway or a Kerouac, a William S. Burroughs or Hunter S. Thompson. I am only hurting myself to gain an edge. I am really doing nothing wrong. If I write the next great novel or an Oprah book of the month I doubt it would be held against me that I take a prescription to keep me from fidgeting in my chair and stopping mid-thought to check the progress of my fantasy baseball team.

Is the medication doing something to my short term health? I feel just as good now as I did ten years ago. Will I see the damage forty years from now? Neither I, nor the doctors, can say for sure. As long as the writing keeps pouring from my focused mind, the prescription will continue to be filled. Even if it means learning something about myself in the progress. If I were gifted with athletic ability instead of writing, and needed a slight edge that only drugs could provide, I suppose I'd be a cheater too.

It's getting to be a little ridiculous to be a Mets fan today with the constant rumors about Willie Randolph and whether or not he gets fired.

Somehow plots are being leaked to the newspapers about a potential plan to replace half the coaching staff. In another paper you will read about how Willie is safe for now but perhaps pitching coach Rick Peterson should go. (Peterson should go because I hold him responsible for Scott Kazmir being traded and that is a debt he can never repay).

Now it is starting to affect or effect (I never get that right) the players. Every post-game story has a quote about how this isn't good for team chemistry. They are right, it's not. So if you are going to make a change let's do it already.

Personally, I'm fine with Willie, it's not his fault Billy Wagner couldn't come on in the sixth right now and shut down the Curacao little league team in Williamsport. That said, if the Mets are looking change I say go short term solution until the off-season and then cast a wide net for the best candidate. Who could turn things around with such a short window of time?

Hendry Hill with potential new bench coach Tommy

Easy. This man (pictured above)...Henry Hill. Talk about a go-getter. If Goodfellas taught us anything it's that Henry (or Hendry as Joe Pesci likes to say) can get things done and done in a hurry. The remainder of the baseball season is the perfect window for Hill...just long enough to make an impact, but not long enough to see his coke habit destroy the locker room. By the time he becomes a full degenerate like he did in the end of the Goodfellas, winter ball will already have started in Venezuela. Though I do fear a late September situation in a hotel bathroom where Omar Minaya is flushing the contract of Duaner Sanchez down the toilet as Hill screams..."Damnit Omar we needed that middle reliever, we needed that middle reliever."

But that is just me.

-Posted by Cadillac Mescallade

Any regular HHR reader knows that over the past year I have become afflicted with an unhealthy interest in bullfighting.

While the artistic nature of the sport makes it a thing of beauty, and the killing of the bulls is what some may call "gruesome," little compares to the heart-stopping moment when a toro gets a piece of his tormentor.

One of the world's best, Matador Jose Tomas, was gored twice this week in the same match in Madrid.






Photos: Mail Online

While I brushed my teeth this morning, I overheard Sage Steel giving an ESPN update during Mike and Mike, and all I caught of her NBA finals recap was that the Lakes exhibited "effective ball movement." I laughed uncontrollably for about 5 minutes (and of course dribbled toothpaste down my shirt - bastards).

This got me thinking... there has been many a time when Ren and myself are watching various sporting events and the commentators say something that gives us the giggles (and reminds us of seventh grade when you learned about the human reproductive system in science class). Hence, inspiration for the latest HHR top ten list, and perhaps the one with the longest title EVER.

I'd like to present:

HHR's Top Ten Sports Phrases that Cause Uncontrollable Giggles (mostly because they are sexual inuendos)

10. "flashing some leather" (baseball)

9. "finding the hot receiver" (football)

8. "he touches them all!" (baseball)

7. "lined up in the slot" (football)

6. "hitting the hole hard" (football)

5. "handy stickwork" (hockey)

4. "effective ball movement" (basketball)

3. "getting good wood on it" (baseball)

2. anything involving "Pujols" (baseball)

1. "penetrating the zone" (basketball)

Cheers to filthy minds and adolescent memories.... Hope this brightens your day :)

Our buddy Eric from phillyBurbs' Camel Clutch tipped us off to Hollywood Hulk Hogan's heart-tugging, tear-inducing appearance on Larry King Live noting:

I watched Hogan on Larry King and he is truly a pathetic human being. To know the real Hulk Hogan is to know Hogan the wrestling politician. There isn’t a throat he would have stepped on to get to the top. This man would not know sincerity if it slapped him in the face. To Hogan, everything is a work. Amazing how Hogan saved those tears until the end of the show wasn’t it?

It would not surprise me at all if Hogan knew well in advance of the chances that those recordings would be public record. Hogan is an evil, calculated, self-promoter and what better way for Hogan to get in the news. It wouldn’t be the first time that this “over-protective father” got some publicity at the expense of his family.

Last night Headline News' Showbiz Tonight had a panel of pundits breaking down the Hulkster's LKL appearance where all three agreed that his crying was a great, great act.



The segment got me thinking of where this ranks among Hogan's best acting moments (in no particular order).

5. Right Guard Commercial, 1992



4. No Holds Barred, 1989



3. Various Promos, 1980s - 2000s



2. Hitachi Commercial, Date Unknown



1. Native American Historian

Miguel Angel Jimenez taps into his inner Dog, while Annika is as graceful as a Gazelle.

While Barry Obama has vowed to bring change in American politics, it apparently doesn't apply to his actual campaign for presidency. When referring to how he would do to counter Republican attacks, the Senator said, “If they bring a knife to the fight, we bring a gun.”

Fair enough. Politics today is a dirty sport, and he seems up to the fight. Such is the reality of political campaigning that we live in today. Despite his calls for civility, Sen. Obama is ready to fight.

But, what's amusing is that he said this at a Philadelphia fundraiser, and so Obama couldn't help but use the words to draw comparison to the City of Brotherly Love's notorious football fans: "“Because from what I understand folks in Philly like a good brawl. I’ve seen Eagles fans."

Inappropriate, Barry. Inappropriate.”

Wonder how this relates to Mayor Nutter's anti-gun campaign. Maybe he needs to lay the Nut down.

"Hey, don't sing it. Bring it."

I caught the end of OTL's piece on Becky Hammon's decision to play for Russia following her snub by the US Women's Olympic Basketball Team.

I was ready to blast her. But before I did, I wisely decided I should probably get the whole story. Truth be told, I don't blame her decision. In fact, it seems she got a pretty raw deal.

From Coloradoan.com, "Hammon would play for U.S., if she could":

First of all, this was not Hammon's idea. Like most young basketball players, Hammon grew up very much wanting to play for Team USA. After the 2007 WNBA season, it looked like that would be a pretty sure thing. That season, Hammon averaged 18.8 points per game and led the WNBA in assists with five per game. She was named first-team all-WNBA. She finished second in MVP voting after leading San Antonio to its first playoff appearance in five years.

After being named to the 2007 West all-star squad, Hammon became only the second player in WNBA history to earn a starting spot on both the East and West teams during her career.

Yet, as the aticle points out, "In the (blind) eyes of USA Basketball, Hammon was not one of the 23 best American female basketball players out there."

"I'm the ultimate, ultimate patriot," [USA Coach Anne] Donovan told the media. "For me, it's about this country."

Apparently Donovan and other Team USA officials, the ones that caused this controversy with their hideous decision in the first place, expected the WNBA's best point guard to spend the Olympic break parked on her couch in San Antonio waving her miniature American flag, chanting "USA, USA!"

Someone needs to point out to Donovan and the rest of the group that loyalty is a two-way street.

Click the link above to rad the full article, and see the full OTL piece below.

As an homage to the fairest daddy of them all this Father's Day Weekend, Cadillac Mescallade gives us an ode to shawn kemp, the original reign man.

---

"Reignman"

Forty ounces to freedom
he forgets what he's become

never used the mirror for reflection
the perfect surface for the street confection

got the sniffles nothin' to blame on the weather
can't lay off the coke it's become his new pleasure

had a fan base spread wide like pepper mace
seattle's ace in the hole, now he holds a sad place

when the drugs wore off his mouth remained open wide
hit the drive thru, couldn't pick one-- ordered every side

took the flack, made a comeback, attacked the rack
couldn't cut it, didn't make it, pounded a six pack

so many hi-lites, big dunks to remember, the lobs above all
can someone explain how shawn kemp messed up basketball

the number 40 still hangs in my closet, a middle school relic
yeah he's a bum give'em one more shot, make'em a celtic

fans wanna see one more two-handed jam
give it up to the coverboy of slam

an ode to shawn kemp, the original reign man

• Anatomy of Another Brutal Mets Loss: A Team, Its Fans and Gameday (Legend of Cecilio Guante)
• Papelbon to Rays: 'Payback's a bitch' (Red Sox Monster)
• Top 16 MLB Players for Your Dead Pool (Epic Carnival)
• Lithuania Can Petition All They Want... (Waiting For Next Year)
• Mullets and Jean Shorts (Losers With Socks)
• Time for the Jordan/Kobe Comparisons To Stop (Intentional Foul)
• Top 10 Dunks of All-Time by White Guys (The World of Isaac)
• Top 13 Athletes That Have Worn the #13 (RotoHog)
• Shawn Kemp By the Fans (And One)
  

Today at Gem Mint Ten:

• Have You Gotten Your Tickets?
• GMT's Slo-Pitch All-Stars

AP Photo

Frobes.com notes that a "close look at Dykstra's portfolio raises doubts about whether the baseball All-Star turned TheStreet.com guru has been picking many of those stocks or relying on a seasoned stand-in."

Dude's retort: "It's obvious what's going on here. This is a smear job."

So he lies about his building his own portfolio. It's not like he's nearly killing his teammate while recklessly drunk driving, or juicing up to hit the long ball, or being sued by his accounting firm, or bedding underage girls.

Give the guy a break! If he wants to look bad, he'll very well do that himself. Without you nosey nellies butting in.

After watching one of the most amazing comebacks in my era last night as the Celtics defeated the Lakers, I began to think about other amazing comebacks I have witnessed.

Outside of the time that my summer league basketball team, "The Golden Showers," roared back from a sub .500 record in the regular season to claim the league crown, I had only one immediate thought.

It was the classic AFC Wild Card game in 1992 featuring the Buffalo Bills and the Houston Oilers when the Bills, backed by their cheerleaders (unofficially the Bill-dos), stunned the Oilers 38-35 in OT after falling behind 35-3.

While that wasn't the Super Bowl, and what the Celtics did was in the NBA Finals, I think the Bills can trump them in one area...Frank Reich. The Celtics did the job, yes, with some help from bench players, but Ray Allen and Pierce carried the load.

In the Bills' amazing comeback it was all up to Reich. Jim Kelly was injured (or something) and they called up FR to guide the proverbial ship. I add this photo because it is worth remembering that for a short time in upstate New York men wanted to be Frank Reich and women wanted to be with Frank Reich. The real number to calculate isn't the deficit the Bills erased, but how much ass did Reich crush that night in Buffalo?

-Posted by Cadillac Mescallade

It could cost you $88 mil.

A former heavyweight boxer (who you've probably never heard of) named Mitchell Rose is filing an $88 million suit against Jay-Z, claiming, "He took the [Rose's] demo [tape] with him and shortly after that he began using the whispering (which he now frequents) in his songs.... He's using it on the regular, now Lil' Kim is using it. All I want is justice. Jay-Z knows what I am talking about."

Word is he is also going after several prominent boxers, claiming they stole his "jab" punch and most of the human population claiming that they are using his life-sustaining technique of "breathing."

This is an interesting case since rose is being brought to court by Glass Joe for allegedly stealing his jaw and record.

For the Rose/Jay-Z case, many legal pundits are looking for precedence in Clarence Walker v. The Beatles.

• They're not saying "Mooo-vers" (The Beautiful Game)
• Dead Birds Walking (I'm writing sports)
• 10 Fantasy Football Naming Conventions (Five Tool Tool)
• When did Doc Rivers become a good coach? (We Suck at Sports)
• Hulk Hogan knows karma (The Camel Clutch)

Today on Gem Mint Ten

Q: What Do You Get...

Welcome to Kitsch-en Stadium, and HHR's own IRON REF!

What is Iron Ref?

No it is not the result of some flamboyant Japanese fever dream. Instead, each week a theme is picked - and a selection of writers from sports blogtopia submits a short post with an example of a play, player, team, coach, announcer, season, or some sports-related moment that most appropriately/creatively conveys that week's theme (the secret ingredient).

It can be funny, heartfelt, serious, or crude - whatever the contestants decide. The three posts will be displayed together with any video or pictorial evidence they care to include (embeddable video is encouraged).

The winner will NOT be decided by some highbrow sports elite, but rather by YOU - the uninformed masses - in the comments.

This ongoing event was inspired by and received blessing from the great and awesome Iron Clef, which you should check out, you band dork.

This Week's Theme/Contest/Secret Ingredient

SORE LOSERS

This Week's Competitors:

Lady Andrea is a recent law school grad who has decided not to practice law so as to hold on to the remaining pieces of her soul. She can be found on Ladies..., Bugs & Cranks and (starting next week) Zap 2 It. She enjoys all things Iowa Hawkeyes and St. Louis Cardinals, her mom's cooking, bad reality TV and winning at Trivial Pursuit. She does not enjoy whiners, the Cubs, Those Guys, and people who start ignoring their fantasy teams thus allowing their opponents to walk all over them and snatch victory from Andrea's hands.



Dewey Hammond is the managing editor of Yardbarker. Before his work with the Yard, Dewey's writing appeared in the San Francisco Chronicle, a handful of magazines he'd rather not remember, and also Playboy. It was mostly ho-hum except for his interview with Terrell Owens, who during the Q&A proceeded to "out" Jeff Garcia. Dewey's proudest professional accomplishment is sworn to secrecy, but it involves Joey Chestnut. His favorite writer is Dennis Coles.






Chris Mottram is the editor of The Sporting Blog and co-editor of Mister Irrelevant. You probably know him better as the younger, less successful brother of Jamie Mottram. Or, as the guy who stalked a bunch of athletes and media members at the Super Bowl. He has been told on several occasions that the stalker posts are his best work ever, which he thinks is an apt description of his abilities as a writer, seeing as the stalker posts involved no words. Chris only communicates with other people via text messages or while drunk. His biggest pet peeves are Facebook and white people.


If you feel that you deserve a shot at an Iron Ref (we'll have a Hall of Fame soon enough) and other luminaries of sports blogging, Email HHR to participate.

From the Associated Press:

Milton Bradley stormed out of the Texas Rangers clubhouse after an 11-5 victory Wednesday night over Kansas City and bounded up four flights of stairs looking for Royals television announcer Ryan Lefebvre.

Bradley, who was the designated hitter, heard what he considered derogative remarks made by Lefebvre on a TV in the Rangers clubhouse.

Explained Lefebvre:

"It was a conversation about how Josh Hamilton has turned his life around and has been accountable for his mistakes. Right now, it seems like the baseball world and fans are rooting for him. ... It doesn't seem like Milton Bradley has done the same thing in his life.

"We weren't singling out Milton Bradley. We also spent a lot of time complimenting Milton Bradley, but that's not what he heard when he was in the clubhouse.

"We weren't tearing up Milton Bradley. I told [Washington and Daniels] this wasn't a Milton Bradley rip session, but just based on the pictures we've seen in this series of him walking to the dugout all the way to right field, dropping his bat, making gestures to the fans in right field and above the dugout and taunting them. He's the only person in baseball I know that does that type of stuff."

Not to justify Bradley's actions, but Lefebvre saying Bradley's "only person in baseball I know that does that type of stuff," he kind of his singling him out.

The story noted, "Upon returning to the clubhouse, Bradley screamed at teammates and broke down in tears."

Bradley: "I'm tired of people bringing me down. It wears on you. I love you guys, all you guys. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong. All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had."

Does Barbara not sound like a hungry, old cougar looking for some sexy details? And why must Star Jones always bring the conversation around to food?

At Epic Carnival, the chief carves up the Four Letter's MLB Power Rankings in 4th Estate Graffiti.

Click the logo...

• The Germans say sports will kill you (The Third I)
• What the Phillies really buried (crashburn alley)
• Sage Steele Confuses Her Wahlbergs, Admits To NKOTB Fandom (AA)
• The Eagles cheerleaders give our boys some spank material (On205th)
• The absolute lowest point in Phillies history (Phightins’ Rap) (The Fightins')

Today on Gem Mint Ten

3 Sets You Probably Don't Own

Re-Airbrush Reid's Cap

As the 2008 NBA Drafts looms closer and the New York Knicks have the sixth pick overall I am reminded of the man in this video. His name is Frederic Weis. You will notice here he gets tea-bag dunked on by Vince Carter, something that shouldn't happen if your a professional athlete, and then something that really shouldn't happen if you are seven feet tall. I bring him up because the Knicks drafted him once many moons ago, and as the current draft comes up and I read mock drafts with the Knicks selecting another foreign athlete I get nervous. Foreigners can succeed in the NBA, just not on the Knicks. In the name of Macej Lampe please select someone from the United States. I have nothing against imported players as some are great, I cite Dirk Nowitzki and Steve Nash (if Canada counts). So I beg you, new Knicks managment, Donnie Walsh and coach Mike D'Antoni, draft a college player, it's the only way.

-Posted by Cadillac Mescallade

Photo: hoopedia.nba.com

Someone alerted us to a blurb in Politifax, "A Weekly Electronic Newsletter on Politics in New Jersey," that former Princeton Tiger/NY Knick/US Senator/Democratic Presidential hopeful Bill Bradley is a name high on Sen. Obama's potential Veep list.

Says Politifax in its "Who's Hot" section:

Bill Bradley

"Yes, our own Dollar Bill. We have good authority -- from a former Democratic Governor from another state -- that former Hall of Fame basketball player, the former Senator, the former presidential candidate, and the current post-politics intellectual is not only very high on Barack Obama's short list but also the prefered choice of master strategist David Axelrod."

Obama's being the presumptive nominee may have finally dispelled The Curse of Bill Bradley.

To replace "smoking" with "cocaine" in this Keith Hernandez PSA video?

What was the best part of going to the Trenton Thunder Game last night?

Seeing Yankee prospect Austin Jackson up close and personal?

Nope.

Being able to retreat to a luxury suite when the skies opened up?

Nope.

Was it the Bill Engvall saturation?

You bet.

He was on banners & t-shirts.


And nothing says wholesome family fun, like Bill Engvall Show coozie night at the ball park.

Squiggy the Headliner (Waiting For Next Year)

Red Wings Are Pulling Some Fine Tail (The World of Isaac)

Ken Griffey Jr. Hits 600 (Video) (I'm Writing Sports)

Chris Hansen manhandles Mr. Met (seriously) (The Sports Hernia)

A photo history of Phillies on the cover of Sports Illustrated (The Fightins')

Today at Gem Mint Ten:

Mr. 600

Look Like a Ballplayer

Viper: KC's Top Gun

Your Crap

Last week, we Pre-gamed for the NBA Finals with Boston and Craigslist This week, it's LA's turn to shine.

TICKETS FOR RICH PEOPLE!!!
I guess this is as good an introduction to LA as possible. You might think that RICH PEOPLE don't read craigslist That might be true, but their assistants do.

WILL TRADE MANS GOLD SEIKO WATCH FOR LAKERS TICKET
Any "man" who turns over his tickets for that watch deserves that watch. You're more likely to see someone pay $300 for Tina Turner tickets than a dude wearing that watch!

three Great Lakers Tickets
This could also be read as "tickets once in the possession of an unassuming family from the Great Lakes region who rolled into the wrong part of LA." I believe this to be the more likely scenario.

LAKERS FATHERSDAY!
Little known fact: The entire upper deck of the Staples Center will be filled with the illegitimate children of current Laker's players. This being the first time many will actually see their dad in person. Binoculars will be available to them for $5 each, or $7 for twins.

Tina Turner - $285
Los Angeles is fucked up man.

CELTICS LAKERS --MUST SELL THEM
Beware of this one, because I'm pretty sure an anonymous poster on craigslist can't sell you the Lakers or Celtics or both. Then again, there are people trying to sell real estate on Mars and I once got a star named for a girl. If someone can sell the heavens themselves, why not two basketball teams they don't own?

Lakers vs Celtics 1 LL seat tonight!
Because it's LA, I'm thinking this means there is one "Lindsay Lohan" seat available. By definition this seat is by far the easiest seat to get into. Also, from this seat you will get somewhere between 4 and 11 STDs and a raging case of scabies through contact alone. It will also make you a lesbian.

Tickets - Best Seats - in Long Beach / 562 ---n7DEx3
The best seats in Long Beach are 24.2 miles from the Staples Center. So these should be labeled, "obstructed view."

Lakers DEAD CENTER SEATS
I get a serial killer vibe from this one. Then again, if you're not getting a serial killer/sketchball/sexual deviant/pyramid scheme feel, you probably are not on craigslist.

Need Single Lakers Ticket for tonight
This is probably some dude who had a fight with his wife because she wouldn't let him buy tickets with his friends when they all got a bloc of tickets together from a different shady craigslist ad. Regretting that decision, he says he's going to support the team no matter what the price, because being part of this historic rivalry is a once in a lifetime chance for him. Sure, he will spend the equivalent of 3 car payments on one ticket, plus whatever else he throws away at the bar and gentleman's club after the game and into the wee hours of the morning, but what's she gonna do about? She'll swallow it and take it, in the end.

Down To Fuck After lakers Game?
Unless of course his girlfriend decides to use craigslist too. Perhaps she'll swallow it and take it in the end?

LA Lakers NBA Tickets For Sale In Los Angeles
Where is this game again? It remains unclear to me. If only this post would reveal the location! Enjoy the game everybody.*

*(Unless you are a Lakers fan. In which case you should probably read this los angeles craigslist post, "L.A.me Lakers suck dog cock !" It might not be completely obvious to you why, but that's why you are an assistant to a RICH PERSON and not a RICH PERSON. Just forward it to the celebrity RICH PERSON you work for, and they will understand, thank you, and promote you to Solid Poodle Waste Collector. No more rag of piss for you! You're moving up!)

I never liked fishing. Just staring out at the water for hours. Waiting for something to float to the surface. My Uncle Dominic used to take me to do the same thing but at least we got to dump a body in the water and not a little hook with a worm on it. He would also buy me an ice cream if I promised not to rat him out.

To get kids hooked on fishing (PUN!) the people at Spinmaster developed the Rocket Fishing Rod.



I don't know if we are talking about the same thing, but I was always taught to catch the bush. The product even has the backing of the Ric Flair of professional fishing, 19 time champion Roland Martin. If I ever watched a second of fishing I'd know who the hell he was and might be impressed.

Look for other great products like the Rocket Deer Hunting Rifle that launches a safe, harmless styrofoam rocket at your target then opens up into a large hunting knife and stabs the deer in the eye.

From Photobasement:

This article got me thinking long and hard about the Colordo Rockies. Long and hard.

Oh yeah...... right there Torrealba.....right where the tan line is....

Wait, what?

Oh right, the Rockies. Anyway, I find it amazing that a team that was one terrible Red Sox series away from winning it all could land farther down in the basement than a storage crate containing the remains of one of Drew Peterson's ex-wives marked 'Old Beer Steins.'

The lineup is essentially the same. The pitching staff is the same. I don't think the subtraction of Kaz Matsui could make that much of a difference unless his anal fissures where like the teams rally monkey.

So what's the difference?

Mojo. Karma. Luck. Things going their way. Call it what you want. Last year, they had it. This year, they don't.

Remember this play?

Did he touch the plate? The call could have gone either way but because of the wave of karma the Rockies were riding it went their way.

So what happened?

This....




Rule #43-ish in sports. Don't piss off the unexplainable occurences that help you win ballgames. The 'Yankee magic', the 'Brett Favre at Lambeau Field', the 'Fat Willard on a shore beer pong table. 'At one point, all automatics in sports. Then someone starts talking about them and they disappear faster than a bathsuit bottom in Queen Latifah's love cushions.

Or worse, the team makes a commercial about it to sell season tickets. Who was their target audience in this spot? Hardcore fans know when seats go on sale. Did they really need to attract casual Rockies fans to buy tickets with anything other than a slogan like 'Real pitching and humid balls-this ain't Dante Bichette's team no more.'

So, let this be a lesson to all sports teams. Don't screw with karma. It will get you in the end. Oh, and Cubbies fans. You are screwed.

Buzz around the blogs this past week has focused on who will follow Will Leitch as Deadspin's new editor.

Fanhouse's Michael David Smith broke it down pretty well today, putting odds on some of the favored candidates.

Frankly, no one is more deserving of the post than HHR's the chief. Ignoring, of course, his lack of commitment and inconsistency.

Let's a take a look at some other folks around the Interwebs who, while deserving, will never get a look.

Doug Sheckler, Epic Carnival, on205th Magazine

Epic Carnival's ring leader and on205th's purveyor of porn, Sheckler's street cred among the sports blogosphere's lower tiers is second-to-none.

Jarrett Carter, Numerous Blogs

Carter's contributions to sports blogging is not solely limited to his own domains, as his ability and willingness to comment on others' allowed him to spread his seed across the webs.

Harvey Bars, Tirico Suave

Anyone of TS's boys could and should be on this list, but we will go with the Jersey native. Their photoshop ability rivals only mine, and video production is top notch - not to mention their writing ability.

Sean Leahy, Going Five Hole, Pop Jocks, Yahoo!

If only people cared about hockey.

Anon, The Sports Hernia

Hands down my favorite place on the 'Net. Very underrated. Comedic Genius.

Chris, Blog of Hilarity

Far too preoccupied on the comings and goings of his gay roommate.

Dave Mountain, Five Tool Tool

The world needs more top 12 lists.

The Postmen, WeAreThePostmen

Actually surprised Smith didn't give them any love.

Dewey, Yardbarker

The site itslef attracts all types of athletes, ranters and blindly loyal Eagles fans. The YBN has some of the best blogs out there.

Amir Blumenthal, TonyHomo, Dice Gay, Collegehumor.com Sports, and Jake and Amir

Creator of good solid original content. He's one of the bigger names you've never heard of. But with the rise of Jake and Amir, that will change. Check the March Madness video. The main thing going against him is that whole Lakers-fan problem he has, in that, he is one.

An odyssey to the infield (er, paddock area): Dominance dashed (Steady Burn via Yahoo)

Emmitt Smith: Professional Narrator (The Money Shot)

US Holds Own Against World's Best (The Beautiful Game)

To 12 Reasons Why the Celtics Shot 28 More Free Throws than the Lakers in Game 2 (Five Tool Tool via Epic Carnival)

Today on Gem Mint Ten:

Why Get Lasik When You Can Rock These?

Punch-out!

TMZ reports that one of former Chicago Bull Jason Caffey's 8 baby mamas (10 kids) is looking for answers as to how he blew through all his NBA loot in crying bankrupcy after falling $100K behind on child support.

A Georgia judge initially ordered Caffey to the clink in 2007 after he got $100K behind in support payments to Lorunda Brown, the mother of one of his sons. That order was subsequently put on hold when the baller cried broke and filed for bankruptcy.

Brown's lawyer now wants to know, penny by penny, where all of Caffey's jack went -- including the $35 million that he made in his last NBA contract.

Last week the Tampa Bay Rays made prep shortstop Tim Beckham the #1 pick in the MLB draft. The question that was immediately on everyone's mind is whether his inability to put a hat on straight will affect his ability on the field, or will he join an illustrious fraternity crooked-hat-wearing all-stars, who care not how goofy they look.

As we watch the NBA Finals and fans fawn over Kobe and KG, let's not forget the role players that came before them. Some might call them "sideshows."

Contributer Cadillac Mescallade remembers growing up with "Nootie."

Which reminds me, HHR is looking for regular contributers to take some of the load off of myself (Ren), Fat Willard and the chief. If you are interested in contributing to our wildly (ok, mildly) popular blog on a regular basis, drop us a line.

---


I’m not sure where my love affair with him began (no homo). He came into my life awkwardly, much like everywhere he entered. When you stand seven feet, seven inches tall, I’m not sure you do anything graceful. I think it all began through ESPN. Back in the day around 4:30 in the afternoon they used to show a show dedicated to old school NBA highlights. On one of these shows a video entitled “Boltending” was shown and I was hooked.

In this video Manute Bol, or “nootie” as I’ve grown fond of calling him, displayed all the amazing skills you’d never expect from a man so tall. He would launch three pointers, dunk without jumping, and block the shots of multiple people all in the same sequence. It was amazing. Much like a political propaganda piece, I was shown all the good and none of the bad, but it didn’t matter I had cast my vote for Bol.

As it turned out the consensus from most fans was that he wasn’t any good. I disagree. Sure he never averaged more than four points a game, big whoop, wanna fight about it? But look what this man did on defense, in his first season with the then Washington Bullets (changing that name has really stopped gun violence, right?), he discarded 397 shots. And that doesn’t count the times opposing players said to themselves, “screw that, I’m not going into that ridiculously tall man’s proverbial house.” In the next two seasons with the Bullets he would go on to top 200 blocks in each season, but then, like any valuable prostitute, Bol became exchangeable. Manute was sent to the Golden State Warriors where he reinvented the idea of daisy duke shorts as he donned those royal blue and yellow hip huggers. In a stroke of brilliance not seen since Hostess developed the Chocodile, then Warrior head coach Don Nelson decided to let Bol shoot three pointers. Why not? The Warriors at that time were to points scored as Al Pacino in “Scarface” was to cocaine, they could not get enough. Everybody shoots and we all score.

Nootie launched a ridiculous 91 treys that season in 1988-89 and banged down 20. In that season I vividly remember him banking one in, the site of which Manute reacted to like every other amazing act he ever accomplished, no emotion. You know...act like you’ve been there before. Then reality set in and Bol was off to the Philadelphia 76ers where they stopped drinking the Kool Aid on all that three point business. Manute kept blocking shots and the legacy continued to grow.

Fast forward through a couple of horrendous seasons with the Miami Heat and Bol’s career ended with the Warriors, once again, where he played just five games and had to call it a career. Now, of course, Bol will never end up in the Hall of Fame, hell he might not end up in the University of Bridgeport (his college) Hall of Fame.

When it comes down to it, it’s not about the cool things he did, or the terrible things he did like try and play hockey or get charged with spousal abuse. It’s about the amazing things he did like block the hell out of basketballs and most recently surviving a car wreck. Insanely tall people aren’t supposed to survive the type of wreck he was in, there is just too body much to go around. But that tells you something - Manute is supposed to be around. Sure, he spent most of his NBA cash trying to build a struggling Sudanese army and now lives in a modest home in New England, but let’s remember his glory. As he enters the later years of life and has become largely a recluse I think it is time we honor Manute Bol. It’s time for a new wing in the NBA Hall of Fame. Let’s devote to the special guys, the ridiculously tall and the comically short. The Manute Bols and Mark Eatons, the Mugsy Bogues and Spud Webbs (actually Spud and Mugs were no joke). Give these men their due. You won’t see their cologne anytime soon or sneakers at the store, but they gave us a lot, especially Bol. His awkward three point shots thrilled us, his swatting ability amazed us, his standstill dunks defied logic and his jog down court reminded us of Bambi on that icy pond, but there will never be another man like him.

Here’s to you Manute Bol!

Around 5 PM last night I got a giddy text message from Cousin McCormack who works with the Mets' Single A affiliate, the Savannah Sand Gnats: "Daryl Strawberry is at my stadium! He's a roving instructor for the mets and i met him!"

I insisted she get me some sort of exclusive photos or dirt and I'd do a whole piece on the Gnats, to which she promised she'd "try."

In the meantime, here's a shot of Straw from SavannahNow.com talking with the Gnat's Michael Parker.

Countdown to the Braves' Whining… (Crashburn Alley)
Super Regionals Preview Part 2 (The College Baseball Blog)
Can We Say Sho’nuff! (Dejuiced)
NHL 09 Trailer (Going Five Hole)
Good to See Ponson Is Still a Pile of Shit(Mr. Irrelevant)
Golf Course Pissing Just Got Easy(Tasty Booze)

About that Lonnie Chisenhall (Waiting for Next Year)

Boston Celtics, FC (We suck at sports)

TOP 10 REASONS WHY WILL LEITCH IS LEAVING DEADSPIN (Five Tool Tool)

Super Regionals Preview Part 1 (The College Baseball Blog)

Is this it for Smoltz and Prior? (I'm Writing Sports)

Woman Wins Funeral At Baseball Game (Holy Taco)

A Simple Rebuttal of Anti-Bonds Arguments (Crashburn Alley)

Today on Gem Mint Ten

The Beckett Weather Report: June 1993

Whats the Second Name...?

We Want Your Crap

Here's a cause we could really get behind (unless, of course, it includes male-on-male affection, which is gross to 1/7 of our male writing staff), in the wake of the Tila Tequilla-chasing Sirbrina Guerrero's "Discrimination"-induced temper tantrum at "generally gay-friendly Seattle['s]" Safeco Field back in May.

From The Seattle Times:

After the story broke, the Mariners were blasted by the sex-advice columnist Dan Savage, who wrote about the incident on the blog of the Stranger, an alternative weekly paper.

Savage called for a "kiss-in" to protest against the Mariners.

When we asked about his thoughts about such a protest, M's manager John McLaren insisted participants "buckle it up."

Any guesses as to what we can insert into women to help them with their dates?

EARS! EARS! I meant EARS!

Happy Non-Sports-Related Friday.

The cocksure trainer Rick Dutrow inspired me to consult my inner cocksman for this post that wants to make you some mad money, enter Jim Cramer.

I just want to make you money, because my job is not just to entertain you, but to educate you.

All indications are that Big Brown will ring the register, but Big Brown is the General Electric of horse racing. You’re going to get good results, but you are not going to make big money. This pony is cashed out. Too many people are going to be backing up the truck on him, rendering his payback a mere pittance.

Big Brown needs to watch out for the competition gaining market share. Why wouldn’t other skee-daddy owners, trainers or jockeys not pinch him to gobble up the profits? The owners have a lot to lose to let a Triple Crown stud steal the prime mares. Plus, they aren’t going to allow the Wall Street playboy owners of Big Brown have a three bagger on their Initial Public Offering.

A look at the competition shows that trainer Nick Zito may be hedging his bets, betting short and long. He has the small cap prospect in Da’ Tara that could hit early and a blue chip with Anak Nakal. Either Zito can steal the race or wear out Big Brown with Da’ Tara or close with Anak Nakal.

However, there a better members of the Dow out there than Anak Nakal. The race is stacked with value that could pay big money should they have surprise results.

Am I diversified: (good for a trifecta bet) Big Brown, Denis of Cork, Casino Drive and Tale of Ekati – I bless this portfolio

Icabad Crane, Guadalcanal, Anak Nakal, and Ready’s Echo – *Flatline Sound Effect*

Lightning Round: *Horse Race Sound effect*

Big Brown: Ring the Register – no money to be made.
Guadalcanal: SELL! SELL! SELL!
Macho Again: I have one thumb up here
Denis of Cork: Boo-Yah! Plenty of upside
Casino Drive: BUY! BUY! BUY!
Da’ Tara: May be worth paying attention too
Tale of Ekati: Strong performer, build a position
Anak Nakal: Rather see you in Tale of Ekati or Denis of Cork
Ready’s Echo: *Person crashing out of the window sound*
Icabad Crane: House of Pain

Shirts optional, fist pumping mandatory.

• Superstitious Panda (Celtics Blog)
• Pau Gasol Googles 'Lakers + Celtics + Rivalry' (The Onion)
• CBB talks with The Loose Cannons (The College Baseball Blog)
• Video: The 10 best Stanley Cup champions' celebrations (Puck Daddy)
• Stu’s Hunt Down: Luc Longley (Star Tribune)
• Born To Run-Era Springsteen Finally Wins Elusive Stanley Cup (Tirico Sauve )

Today on Gem Mint Ten

• You trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?
• Reader Participation: Pen Pals

Wanna go to the Celts/LA game tonight? Wanna not get raped? Then get on craigslist. The Chief taps into the underbelly of the internet and finds how some in Boston are going about buying, selling, or fending off sexual assault.

Will Pay For Tickets To Celtics -
The Chief says: Straight forward and to the point. Saying you'll pay for them is a good strategy. Also might have tried "Will accept Free Tickets to Celtics."

Looking for game 2 tickets celtics-lakers not looking to get raped - $1
Again straight forward but with specific limitations set in place as to the nature of the transaction. I used to think not getting raped was standard operating procedure, but then again, Kobe is in town, so it's probably good to be clear about this.

CELTICS VS LAKERS (I CAN DELIVER TIX) -
A good salesman here - making ease of purchase a hook. Then again, beware the whole rape thing.

2 CELTICS TICKETS FOR GAME 1 TONIGHT GET IT WHILE ITS HERE !! BALCONY (BALCONY !!! BALCONY !!! BALCONY !!!!!)
Location location location. All caps means you are excited and believe what you are saying is urgent, important, and worth knowing. It also may mean you are 7. By the nature of those exclamation points and the spaces in between, I'm thinking a parakeet typed this. Buyer beware.

Keep me in mind when you still have Celtics tickets tonight.
People should just do this anyway. Even though no one will ever know who you are. Unless maybe you are offering something sexy in ret...... Nope. And now I have forgotten about you.

Don't let your Celtics tickets go to waste!!! -
So do not sell or give them to this person.

WANTED Red Sox tonight 605 -
Only in Boston. (this is under a search for Celtics)

need celtics...have stuff to trade...
The lowercase letters, the two ellipses (...) - these are the hallmarks of a desperate person with very low self-esteem. Caution here, as the word "stuff" could be anything from "cool laptop w/ built in cd DVD player/burner" to "Wandering Grandma."

will trade laptop w/built in cd DVD player/burner for 2 celtics tix
What, no grandma? You don't really want these tickets at all, do you?

HA HA HA- Celtics scalpers are crazy!!!
HA HA HA I AM FUCKING RETARDED

WHEN YOU STILL HAVE YOUR CELTICS TICKETS AT 5PM
That means you have not been jumped, raped, or given them away to a friend who all the sudden 'might be dying.' Enjoy the game.

Doc's a frickin' genius.

(Boston, MA) When asked who the Celtics must stop in this NBA Finals series against the LA Lakers to achieve victory, Coach Doc Rivers made it perfectly clear the team's game plan revolves around stopping one man and one man only: Coach Doc Rivers.

Rivers elaborated, "It may appear obvious and conventional, but let's be honest, this is a strategy that if properly executed, can give us a championship. Plus [stopping himself] concentrates our efforts on a part of the game we can control exclusively."

Celtics star Paul Pierce agreed with Rivers, saying it was a strategy he personally suggested after speaking with his teammates, team owners, fans, sports columnists and TD BankNorth Garden maintenance crews. "100% unanimous" Pierce said. Rivers appreciated the way Pierce took on such a leadership role among his teammates. "He's a real leader now. I've always said, 'I'm open to anything' and his suggestions certainly fall in that category."

When asked how Rivers would specifically eliminate the person deemed the Celtics' greatest threat, he backed off. "I'm not about to give up any secrets just yet. But I think when you see at least two starters on the court the whole game, you'll know something's different alright. Plus, we'll be winning. Stopping myself will be difficult - as I am known to be both unoriginal and yet unpredictable - but in the end, If we can isolate this one threat, we're gonna beat LA, baby!"

This was passed along from our friend Mr. Met up in Flushing. It is either an amazing display of loyalty, or a very unwise decision. Who am I to judge?

I'm just going to post this one verbatim.

Daily News: Crane vic's fiance turns down aid from Mets player

The fiancee of a crane operator killed in last week's tragic collapse on Wednesday rejected an offer of help from Mets star Ryan Church because her future hubby was a Yankee fan.

A day after burying Donald Leo, Janine Belcastro said she couldn't accept the offer from the right fielder and his wife.

"Don was a die-hard Yankee fan," Belcastro said in a statement. "It would not respect his memory if he accepted this."

The grieving Belcastro added that she "greatly appreciated" the offer.

The money was to come from Church's participation in a Mets' fund-raiser for a variety of causes. A spokesman said Church will choose another charity.