A little late, but interesting to note: In July, University of Kansas coach Mark Mangino signed a two-year contract extension that makes him the third-highest paid coach in the Big 12, behind Oklahoma's Bob Stoops and Texas' Mack Brown.
There are a few interesting things in the KC Star's breakdown of the contract , including the writer's assertion that Mangino can now afford to "eat at the same dinner table as Texas' Mack Brown." (Insert your own all-you-can-eat buffet reference here.)
But what really got my attention was a provision in the contract that says, if Mangino dies, his estate will receive $300,000 for every year after 2008 that he coaches. With Mangino's body mass index approaching triple digits, I can understand why this was a very real concern for KU, Mangino's family and our nation's pork producers.
For the record, I had the opportunity to spend a few minutes with Coach Mangino at the American Heart Association's Bear Bryant Coach of theYear Award ceremony last winter, and you would be hard-pressed to find a more genuinely nice guy. I certainly don't want anything to happen to the man. But when your employer is essentially betting the under on your life expectancy, that can't be a good sign.
Sports fans were greeted online today by this historical email which experts are calling the "Least Anticipated Email in the History of the Interwebs."
Keep in mind, I'm the same guy who predicted Tim Tebow would be benched by week 7 last year. But with that, here are my completely uneducated, yet bold, picks for 2008.
"Two reasons I care little for your predictions."
1. Georgia will have at least two losses this year. I know they're loaded with talent but losing their starting LT will be a bigger loss than some people think. And, sorry Dawg fans (including my mother), but I just don't think much of Richt as a big game coach. (Random side note: UGA's game at Arizona State is their first non-conference regular season game west of the Mississippi since 1967.) Knowshon Moreno is the real deal but, other than him, I'm not sold on Georgia as being head and shoulders above Tennessee, Florida, etc. On that note . . .
2. The SEC will still be the best conference overall, but the Big 12 will close the gap quite a bit this year. The Big 12 will be really good this year based on QBs alone. 9 of the league's 12 teams return starting QBs. Chase Daniel and Sam Bradford are legit Heisman candidates and Graham Harrell will continue to put up video game-type numbers. Zac Robinson at Oklahoma State is the best run/pass QB not named Tim Tebow. Heck, the biggest question mark of these nine is Joe Ganz at Nebraska, and all he did in his three games as starter was throw for 1400 yards and 15 TDs. I don't ever remember a conference returning so much talent at the top. If Kansas and Missouri can come close to replicating last season, the Big 12 will be a player in the national mix. 3. Tim Tebow will not win the Heisman this year. This not a knock on Tebow, who proved me oh-so-wrong last year. But I think his own backfield will be working against him. On paper, Florida should have a better running game, something they didn’t have last year. In goal line situations, Tebow was their best running option and got a lot of ground TDs. So in the absence of any standout competition for the Heisman, it was hard for voters to argue with 20+ TDs both passing and rushing. This year, I expect he’ll have fewer rushing TDs (but probably more passing). While it may help Florida as a team, it will hurt the 20/20 novelty factor. I still expect him to be a finalist (wonder if he’ll vote for himself?) but not win it.
4. Bobby Bowden will take some of the heat off himself with a nine-win season for Florida State.
5. Upset Special: Appalachian State will give LSU a run for their money, but won’t pull the shocker this year. My pick for “out there” upset is Eastern Washington over Colorado. I’m not basing this on any perceived weakness at CU or strength at EWU. I’m looking strictly at the schedule—CU will be coming off a big rivalry game vs. Colorado State and will be looking ahead to a Thursday night game vs. West Virginia and then Florida State the week later. A classic trap game. 6. Buffalo and SMU will be surprise bowl teams.
June Jones will have SMU back in the top-25 sooner rather than later. And Turner Gill at Buffalo will be on a lot of short lists for higher-profile coaching vacancies next year. And speaking of which . . .
7. Kirk Ferentz and Mike Stoops will be job hunting in December.
8. Texas Tech wide receiver Michael Crabtree will make ESPN’s Top Plays at least four times this season. If you don’t know about this guy, trust me, you should. I know he puts up monster numbers in part thanks to Mike Leach’s “throw at all costs” offense, but Crabtree is as good and athletic a receiver as you will find, and you have to see some of his grabs to believe them. Don’t be surprised to see him at the Heisman ceremony.
9. BCS Buster: Everyone is so high on BYU to run the table and be this year’s Hawaii. I don’t know that they’re even the best team in the MWC. If I had to bet on a non-BCS team making it in, I’d take Utah. They open at Michigan and have a 10/2 game vs. Oregon State. But the Utes are good enough to win those games and will likely be favored in every other game until the game at home vs. BYU to end the season. That game could well be between two unbeatens fighting for a spot in a BCS bowl game. I pick the Utes.
10. And last but not least, Ohio State will lose to USC on 9/13, but will then run the table, climb back up the rankings and upset unbeaten Oklahoma in the championship game. Third time’s the charm for tOSU, and the heat on “Big Game” Bob Stoops will ratchet a couple of degrees higher.
As we go into our Labor Day Weekend, I would like to take a brief moment to acknowledge labor. No, not the kind your mother went through for you and regrets to this day. And not even the labor done by members of this fine internet establishment. For as we know, and shall very shortly see, labor is not exactly our forte. This is not even proper time to thank you, our readership, for the labor of reading this site. No, that is a different post that will be written by someone whose major contributions to this site extend beyond dirty scrawlings in MS Paint.
Rather, I would like to take this time to honor the labor of the good folks at Yardbarker, who invited me along to rub elbows and get a chance to meet some local writers within their group of publishers. In addition to YB's own people, I hung out with the big cheese of Bugs & Cranks, as well as John from the local celtics blog Red's Army, and the guy behind the guy at Red Socks Diaries. I am sad to say I missed out on the people from Cold Hard Football Facts. I am even sadder that I missed the beer pong tourney. As YB staff can attest from a brief demonstration, the chief has a gift.
In the end what I really came away with, besides a hangover, was the fact I need snazzy business cards. When the hell did bloggers start getting really cool business cards? I tried to make one at the last minute before I went and printed it on heavy paper, but it looked like a total crime scene of color and words. The Yardbarker people had their own personal favorite sports moment on the backs of the business cards. I thought this was cool until I saw this morning that one of them had "Saturday Night, October 25th, 1986 World Series Game 6" on there. Unacceptable. I'd like to think that had I noticed the offending moment I would have stood up for Buckner and Red Sox Nation right there - but let's be honest, they were generous with their bar tab and I am very susceptible to that kind of generosity.
So this morning as I laid for an hour on Boston Common, having realized there was no way I could go directly into work, I was grateful for the work of others. More so when two office-types walked past me searching aloud for something to do tonight, one of them just pointed at me and said, "let's do whatever he did last night." For that alone, I have to give credit to the people who showed me (and my kidneys) a good time. Job well done.
After a long, hard slog in the desert, college football is back. And with it, the Rev’s weekly picks are back.
Thus kicks off the best time of year. Find a TV, a comfortable chair, lots of refreshing beverages, and sit down and take in all the beauty this weekend. Here we go:
10 points: #15 VIRGINIA TECH (0-0) at East Carolina (0-0): Last year’s ACC champion Virginia Tech will field another strong team this year, led by a strong defensive unit and stellar special teams play. You could probably write that about every Frank Beamer coached team, and it’s a prime reason VT has won 10 or more games four years running – a feat matched only by USC.
9 points: #2 USC (0-0) at Virginia (0-0): The Men of Troy make their way east to beat up on what should be a game but ultimately outmatched Cavaliers squad. Get past this game and all eyes turn to their September 13th match-up with Ohio State in Los Angeles.
8 points: Utah (0-0) at # 24 MICHIGAN (0-0): For Michigan fans’ sake, let’s all hope this one doesn’t end up the way last year’s home opener went.
That’s painful to watch and to listen to.
7 points: Washington (0-0) at # 20 OREGON (0-0): Despite losing QB Dennis Dixon and dynamo RB Jonathan Stewart, Oregon’s a 14 point favorite at home against the Huskies. Part of that is because nobody really expects a lot of great things out of this up-and-down team Ty Willingham has cobbled together at U-Dub. The other part of it is the fact that Autzen Stadium is damn near impossible for visiting teams. When the crowd noise gets around 125 db, as Ducks fans have been known to do, I think your ears start to bleed.
6 points: OKLAHOMA STATE (0-0) at Washington State (0-0): OK State coach Mike Gundy is one year older, so he’s that much more of a man as the 2008 season rolls around. Plus it helps that OK State has a pretty potent offense and WSU is projected to finish at the bottom of the Pac-10. Pokes prevail on the road vs. the Cougars.
5 points: TCU (0-0) at New Mexico (0-0): The Horned Frogs are a 6.5 point favorite on the road and have won three in a row dating back to 2005 vs. the Lobos. Good enough for me.
4 points: Syracuse (0-0) at NORTHWESTERN (0-0): It’s quite an understatement, but coach Greg Robinson’s tenure at Syracuse has been a disaster – he’s 7-28 at three years at the helm. A loss to Northwestern this weekend would make an already bleak season outlook that much worse for the Orange.
3 points: Alabama (0-0) at # 9 CLEMSON (0-0): Clemson enters 2008 with sky-high expectations of capturing an elusive ACC title and berth in the BCS bowl bonanza. Which probably means they will go 8-4. ‘Bama will be better in their second year under Nick Saban (incidentally, if you want to see how your salary stacks up to his, check out this depressing link courtesy of the Birmingham News), but it’s tough to see them really reestablishing themselves as the class of the SEC West just yet. Clemson’s version of Death Valley is a tough place for visitors to play, so I expect the Tigers to prevail in a squeaker.
2 points: Michigan State (0-0) at CAL (0-0): I’m taking Cal because I just don’t know what to make of Michigan State. I think the Spartans will get better as the season rolls along, but this is quite a reach to travel cross country and beat the Bears on their home field. Cal beat up on Tennessee last year when the Vols traveled west; I expect they’ll eke out a close one against MSU this weekend.
1 point: #19 Illinois (0-0) at # 7 MIZZOU (0-0): The Illini and the Tigers renew their cross-river rivalry in the annual edition of the “Bragging Rights” game at the Edwards Jones Dome in St. Louis. This isn’t quite Michigan – Ohio State, but this still a big-time rivalry - loyal reader Greg in St. Louis tells us that this game sold out in about five minutes.
The Illini have high expectations heading in to 2008 and should be a solid second place pick in the Big Ten. Counter that with the prognostication going on in Columbia, where the folks are downright delirious. There’s a lot of hype around this Mizzou football team, and a lot of people think the Tigers can challenge for the national title. This one is too close to call, but since I have to choose, I’ll take the Tigers in a nail-biter.
Attention, Bostonians, catch up with HHR's "the chief" tonight at The Kells in Beantown at the Yardbarker back-to-school bash. He's happy to whip your ass in beer pong.
I would be remiss if I returned from Beijing and the 2008 Olympics without giving a little recap of the summer's biggest spectacle. As Ren noted, I was blogging throughout the games at gregmescall.blogspot.com. But, since nobody likely has three free days to skim through all my ramblings, here is quick-hitting list of things I remember (while I attempt to recover traveling back in time). August 26, 2008 was officially the longest day of my life, I left China at noon on the 26th and arrived in San Francisco at 8am- on the 26th. Doc Brown would be proud. I managed to hook up George and Lorraine, Save the Clock Tower, and Vote Goldie Wilson for mayor, but I digress.
The air quality wasn't as bad as everyone said it was - Sure everyone I met caught some type of cold while there including one pal who spent a night in the fever ward at 103 degrees, and some athletes left our plan wearing masks but it was a tad overhyped. There was some hazy days where visibility was bad, but you'll find that in most major cities. From what I'm told this was a major improvement from earlier in 2008 when some days you couldn't see your hand in front of your face. Ok I'm exaggerating but it was bad
The Chinese are friendly but don't smile in photos - They recruited some ungodly amount of volunteers and I ponder the translation of 'volunteer' in Chinese was many of them had military garb on in their ID photos. Most everyone was pretty friendly and eager to try and point you in the right direction even if they had no clue where that was. One odd thing they do not smile in their photos. In front of the Bird's Nest, at the Great Wall, getting a lap dance, nobody smiles. I wonder if this stems from Mao not smiling in the cities most famous photo.
Great Wall and Tianamen Square are pretty amazing - Keep in mind in the United States most of the structure we encounter are only a couple of hundred years old at best. Then try visiting a place that has been around for centuries. The Great Wall is truly something to see and I advise anyone with the means to check it out. It really does seem to go on for ever. I'm not that big into history but strolling Tianamen Square is special considering what has gone on there.
China loves their Yao Ming - I caught the tale end of the China-Germany hoops game and there is a rabid love for the Houston Rockets big man. Many of the crowd were dressed in Yao jerseys, either the Rockets one or the China one. They also have taken the fast paced U-S-A chant and coined their own two syllable Chi-NA! They yell this really whenever the mood strikes them
USA Hoops is Back - Perhaps it was injuries to other teams or just a weak field but the USA Men's Basketball Team looked flat out dominant in their run to the Gold. I witnessed their dismantling of Spain which looked more like an organized slam dunk contest than a basketball game. Sure they picked the Gold Medal Game to have an actual game only nipping Spain by 10 or so but regardless it was the right mix of guys and they got the job done.
Michael Phelps is pretty good - The Water Cube is an impressive venue and Phelps pretty much owned the place in the week he was swimming. I witnessed him win two Gold Medals in the span of about 45 minutes. Who does that? First he hammered the field in the 200 butterfly, a stroke I believe only exists for its difficulty and then was the first leg on a relay in which he opened up such a lead as long as nobody else in the group suffered from narcolepsy it was in the bag.
Handball is awesome - I didn't get to see this in person only on television but we are missing out on this one. The United States has a team but we did not qualify for Beijing. Let's get it going for London please. This is kind of like an advanced American Gladiators event and I believe if it becomes big in the USA it could open a door for slamball to enter the Olympics by 2024.
Chicago Needs 2016 - As it turn's part of one Olympics is trying to get people convinced who should get the next ones. With 2012 already set for London (Good luck following Beijing's opening ceremony) four cities are available for 2016. Chicago, Tokyo, Madrid, and Coppin State (Rio de Janiero). Tokyo should be out if nothing else because we were just in Asia for 2008. Rio is out because I'm told from those that have been it shouldn't host an AAU basketball tournament let alone the Olympics. That leaves Madrid and Chicago. It was in Spain in 92 and USA in 96 so both are viable. I just think Chicago has one hell of a setup going on. Check out chicago2016.org for more convincing, it would be pretty special.
Driving in China is Risky - Let's see if I can try and compare the driving in China. Let's take the first scene of the Transporter, Grand Theft Auto (minus hi-jacks), and Bumper Cars and roll them into one. Nobody follows any rules, green means go, and so does red as long nobody is coming. Signals are optional, stops signs are suggestions, and merging is an afterthought. You just need to experience it, people drive on sidewalks, park on sidewalks, ride the horn constantly and show no common courtesy for each other. Also pedestrians do not have the right of way. FYI New Yorkers, if you get plowed by a cab, that's your bad.
Well I could go on about the elegance of Pizza Hut or the similarities of McDonalds but that is enough for now. Hopefully, the coverage NBC gave of the Olympics gave justice to what a tremendous event it was. In addition if it is ever in your path, attend the Olympics, you can go to all the NBA and NFL Playoff Games and the Olympics aren't better or worse, they are just something else all together.
Today, HHR celebrates some of the most recognizable signage genres in sports and the superfans who wave them.
Fire __________
After growing tired of blaming Barry Sanders' selfish retirement for the team's woes, Lions fans turned their ire on Matt Millen.
John 3:16. Austin 3:16. Anything 3:16.
Once a 70's mainstay thanks to born-again Rollen Stewart, the "3:16" phrase was reintroduced into 90's vernacular thanks to Mr. "Cold Stone" Steve Austin.
K Kount
Has recently been overshadowed by the Dollar Dog Night wiener count...much more entertaining.
Play/Drink Like a Champion
Here you go, Irish fans. Relive the glory years...
Cheer, cheer for Old Notre Dame, Wake up the echoes cheering her name, Send a volley cheer on high, Shake down the thunder from the sky! What though the odds be great or small, Old Notre Dame will win over all, While her loyal sons are marching Onward to victory!
Now that we got that out of the way...whose advice is more relevant, Paul Hornung's or Big Ben's?
Ring Card Bikini Girls
When that acting/modeling career doesn't pan out (and pron still isn't an option), there is a job to resort to before heading to Hooters.
Phillies fans were upset a couple weeks ago when their MVP shortstop called them frontrunners.
This is much worse.
In an interview with ESPN's Stuart Scott on SportsCenter, Democratic presidential nominee (and Chicago native) Barack Obama accused Cubs fans of essentially NOT being baseball fans.
"The Cubs are nice," Mr. Obama said, after revealing he would root for the White Sox in a crosstown World Series, because he's "not a fair-weather fan."
"You go to Wrigley Field, you have a beer," he continued. "They've got all the beautiful people out there. Nobody's watching the game. The White Sox....now that's baseball."
See, now that concerns me. Gravely. I was going to vote for Obama in November, but he's clearly so out of touch with his constituency as to give me pause. How can someone who claims he can fix our economy and foreign policy be so clueless about folks in his own hometown?
So let's clear something up.
Just because we Cubs fans have a beautiful, landmark ballpark in a rocking neighborhood, play our games under the hot sun (thus prompting our fanbase to wear fewer clothes) and enjoy our cold, frothy beverages in bulk does not mean we don't live and die with every pitch of every game of every season.
Have you been to Wrigley Field? Tell me the fans aren't into the game, when they throw backing opposing home runs, or when they boo (yes, it happens everywhere), or when they rise to their feet with two outs and two strikes on the other team's last hitter. Or when they see Bob Howry walking in from the bullpen, and they link arms and start doing synchronized yoga breathing. Or when the 'W' flag is raised and everyone sticks around to sing the team's cornball anthem, "Go Cubs Go."
But Obama's a Sox fan, and I guess he feels he's being loyal to his team by blindly, ignorantly ripping on the North side. Loyalty's OK, even if it's a bit misguided. To eschew his real beliefs, play the politician and say he likes both teams would be worse.
That said, come October, I better not see his skinny butt on the mound — or in the booth — at Wrigley Field, campaigning through first pitches and seventh-inning stretches. Then, he'd really lose my vote.
Almost certain to get lost in the hoopla of the start of college football or buried among the hot dogs and hamburgers of Labor Day meatwaves, there's actually a very important race to be run this weekend. There are only 2 more races (including this Sunday) before the Chase - the fantastic NASCAR play-offs.
This Sunday, we get an interesting set-up . . . a race that doesn't start till 7 on the east coast, but because it's in California, it starts in the daytime and ends under the lights. Confusing I know. The first time they did this, Rusty had to keep resetting the clocks in the house, he was so confused, but that aside, expect some exciting racing this weekend.
California is a 2 mile oval with a lot of speed, and crazy things tend to happen out there. Remember the "weeping" track back in February? Let's pray to everything fried that doesn't happen again. But, what will happen?
Well, the shrub and Mr. Ed will run up front. They have both made the chase and are driving like mad-men (see Bristol, last week)
The catch is that they aren't really point racing right now, they are just in it to win it. This leads to more aggressive set-ups and strategy, which can be exciting or it can cause disaster. Carl is phenomenal at California Speedway. In 8 starts, he's only finished outside the top 10 once, and has rattled off a win and six top 5's. Given his recent hot streak, you better bet your bippy, he's a golden pick this weekend. Lock it up! A List, Cousin Carl!
B List is another relatively simple pick, as far as Rusty is concerned. Ole Kasey "sweet cheeks" Kahne is pretty solid out yonder. He's got a win and 5 top 10's. Didn't do so hot in 2007, but then again he didn't do well anywhere in 2007. With back to back 40th place finishes coming into California, Kasey's a good bet to rebound. At only 56 points outta 12th, and only 2 weeks to make the chase, he's gotta rebound!
Lastly, the ole dice roll...A.J. Allmendinger! He was able to eek out a top 20 in his only other start at California. Second of all, A.J.'s sitting 38th in the points. He needs to get up to at least 35th to be able to qualify automatically for the 500 at the start of next year. At almost 400 points out of 35th, it'll be tough...but who knows!
So, there you go. Grill some dogs, eat some burgers, watch some football, but don't miss NASCAR...you know Rusty won't!
A List - C Edwards (99) B List - K Kahne (9) C List - A Allmendinger (84)
It takes a keen eye, but our crack staff at HHR believes we have spotted Williams relaxing outside of the Detroit Civic Center in a video for the T-Baby rap hit "It's So Cold in the D[etroit]."
Disclaimer: this is the LPGA we’re talking about. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s the major women’s professional golf tour in America. The same ones that bring you too much of this and not enough this.
The gratuitous skirt shots aside, I do have to confess to being somewhat of a golf nerd. I play a lot of it, watch a lot of it. And I can appreciate the fact that these women are really, really, really good. But I don’t understand - at all - what speaking English has to do with winning golf tournaments.
You see, the LPGA is dominated at the moment by Lorena Ochoa of Mexico. She’s basically the Tiger Woods of women’s golf, minus the global popularity and billions in the bank account. She pretty much wins every tournament she enters. But, on the odd chance she does not win, it’s a pretty sure bet that someone from South Korea will. American women, for now, are the perpetual runners-up.
Not that it bothers me - and let’s be honest, it can’t bother too many people because NO ONE is watching anyway. But pidgin English apparently doesn’t work for the LPGA, or more importantly, their corporate sponsors.
I can’t believe anyone at the LPGA with a brain would come close to being associated to a report like this, let alone lend a quote for attribution. Then again, there’s a reason LPGA ratings are in the toilet, and it’s clear with leadership like this they are going nowhere too soon.
Phillies beat writer Randy "Randorino" Miller wants to be honest about players (right after he has dinner with their families). But how can he when he can't even get Pat Burrell to give him a few minutes?
In an unintentionally funny piece about "The Bat" cutting out on reporters after his 5-RBI game the other night against LA, Randorino inflates his self worth to assume it is more than staring at naked jocks as they scrub their asses after games in hopes of getting a mediocre quote for a mediocre game recap.
Here's a money quote for you, straight from Miller: "But Burrell has gotten on me for being a tough reporter, sometimes in front of others."
"Tough reporters" apparently cry about getting stiffed.
(Wait a minute..."Stiffing" from the "Scat"? I'm beginning to think this goes much deeper than an interview snub.)
Anyway...Note the way he blasts the players for not talking once or twice, when in the same breath he mentions how good Burrell has been to him. Watch as Randy builds Burrell up and basically says "you make my job hard."
Be warned... WATCH OUT! For Dropping Names!
"When Charlie was done talking, we all headed to the clubhouse..."
"(I brought this up to Manuel on Saturday and he agreed)."
"When I asked Phillies Public Relations official Greg Casterioto if this true ..."
"Wagner was out to dinner with myself..."
"Earlier this year, a Phillies player approached me about this topic."
Can I be paid to have complete access to these players, and get NOTHING?
After coming into these games under global scrutiny given their perceived political "shortcomings," it is no secret that China's hospitality has been tainted by questionable decisions, including but not limited to CGI fireworks, underage gymnasts and 7-year-old lip sync-ers.
But there is one thing that I find most appalling and unacceptable.
It's the arrogance by which they tout their success in Olympic competition.
Sure, China has won a ton of medals. More specifically, a ton of gold medals.
But let's call a spade a spade. The country has over 1.3 BILLION people from which to cultivate and develop athletically, probably in some far-off Siberian training camp.
So, in the spirit of our little red buddies, let's level the playing field in true Commy fashion.
While Misty May-Treanor was the most prominent displayer of the pron-star-inspired "tramp stamp," other notable Olympic athletes gave her a run for her money in the department.
Honorable mention: Ivet Lalona Bulgaria, Track and Field 2008 Medal Count: None
Ivet's quest for Olympic tramp stamp gold was derailed as her request for ink was lost in translation and subsequently administered on the wrong side. She had the right idea, however.And for that, we applaud her.
Bronze: Anastasia Davydova Russia, Synchronized Swimmin 2008 Medal Talley: One Gold
Silver: Amanda Beard USA, Swimmer 2008 Medal Talley: None
Gold: Misty May-Treanor USA, Beach Volleyball 2008 Medal Talley: Gold, also named Most Outstanding Player
They might as well go ahead and name this event after her. With the knock on the sport that it shamelessly flaunts competitors' flesh, a distinction not lost on NBC in making televising decisions, the only question remains how many teenage girls follow her lead and go ahead and plant one on the small of their backs.
As votes slowly (and we mean slowly) trickled in, Minnesota-Saint Paul's favorite-son-not-named-"Prince," Michael Rand, pulled off the victory in the battle of "World Class."
Remember, weekly winners will come back and compete for the grand title of HHR's Iron Ref.
Baton passing in a relay race is as dribbling is to basketball as kicking is to soccer as serving is to tennis as meat is to a burger as pedaling is to biking as a number 2 pencil is to a standardized test. Charlie Brown says "augh" USA.
Weed makes you fast, eh mon? Can you imagine the track and field after party by the Jamaica section of the Olympic Village? They thought the smog was bad now.
Back when Spike TV only showed Cops reruns and sports accidents, I saw this grainy video of a judge taking a javelin to the throat. I have loved the sport since. My fingers are crossed for a hammer toss accident, so I have another reason to watch field events.
Right when you think you have a system to avoid spoiling the results so you can watch them, news agencies start breaking the stories at 2 pm (2 am Beijing time). Unavoidable if you are at a computer. What the hell?
Are the US men's track team wearing fake sailor outfits? I'm not going to quickly jump on the new track leadership for America's poor performance like the announcers. The uniform designers need to carry a big part of this burden. Even dogs regress when they know they look stupid.
Criss Angel may be a Master Illusionist, but is he ready for the ultimate challenge? Fans can tune in to see Criss attempt to teach Ultimate Fighting Championship President Dana White how to do a prediction of his own — with the use of a blindfold, a knife and a deck of cards!
The magic happens Wednesday, Aug. 27 at 10pm/ET on A&E's Criss Angel Mindfreak.
Personally, I am unimpressed by both men, but more so Angel.
When you can change orange soda into Cheezits, come talk to me.
THUNDER VALLEY!!!! One of Rusty's favorite tracks (also the toughest tickets to get), and it's a night race ta boot. Bristol's got some of the steepest banking on the circuit (used to be the steepest), and that makes for some exciting racing on what's called the "world's fastest half-mile". I think ole DW says it's like flying F-16's in a school gym. Rusty couldn't agree more.
Photo: ESPN
Now that Bristol's got progressive banking there's multiple grooves of racing. You can actually pass up high! Ole Dale Sr. might be shedding some tears in heaven as the days of the "bump-n-run" slowly fade into the distance, but Rusty's starting to the like the ability to pass up high.
Bristol's old school attitude requires driver's with a bit of an old school style, wheelmen we like to call them. Cars that make it to victory lane often do so with tire marks, scuffs, and even dints-n-dings on 'em cause the drivers had to claw his way to victory. That's why fans love watching the Bristol race.
Picking the right wheelman for your fantasy team is the tricky part. Continuing my rash of crazy picks, I've got a few more for you this week.
The 24 team is one of the best at Bristol. Jeff's got 5 wins at Bristol to lead all active drivers (with Kurt Busch). While he's not won there since 2002, he continues to post top 5's, 10's, and has finished outside the top 20 only once. His qualifying effort is even better, giving you an opportunity to double dip in some fantasy leagues. Rainbow boy's currently in a bit of a slump, but he WILL break out. What better place to do it than one of his best tracks.
I've already mentioned my B List pick . . . Kurt Busch. Kurt has just as many wins at Bristol as Jeff, including four consecutive victories from 2002 - 2004. Since the streak ended, he's had one more victory and 3 top 10's. The other years weren't so kind, but his streak of every other race continues, we are due for a good finish this coming weekend. Rusty likes to gamble on odd patterns, so there you go.
Lastly, the C list . . . ugh . . . it's like picking between KFC or Popeye's, when all you want is Bojangles, but never the less, Rusty's got a job to do. David Reutimann seems like just as good a gamble as anyone. He did pretty well last week, started 7th and finished 14th. For him, that's a hot streak, so let's jump on the bandwagon before he falls off.
So, there's your picks for Bristol.
A List - J Gordon (24) B List - K Busch (2) C List - D Reutimann (44)
When the Chinese stand outside the Today Show, do they know that Al Roker is not a holographic cartoon character but a real man?
If the Olympics ever sets up one of those NBA Experience deals, you know where you get to measure yourself next to George Muresan, I would not try the men's vollyball station. The human wrist is not designed to stop a ball at those speeds.
What did Mark Spitz ever do to Sports Illustrated? Why is the media interested in wiping him out of history? Did he leave an upperdecker on the way out?
Russia is as fidgety as a VH1 reality contestant right now. A volleyball spike off the face could cause an international incident.
Matt Lauer is going to discover that he likes to sleep in.
If swimmers, runners, cyclists and others need to test for performance enhancers, shouldn't divers be tested for eating disorders? *cough China cough*
Would anyone think poorly of Wallace Spearmon if he punched Bob Neumeier in the face after he questioned him right after he lost the bronze medal from a disqualification?
If Jamaica is doing this well in the sprints, I can't wait to see their bobsled team.
Greg's done a fantastic job not only documenting the exploits of the teams, but also what it's like as he takes in the sights and sounds of the city. Do yourself a favor and check it out.
In the meantime, make it up to him and show your love as the women will be playing in the gold medal match, televised tomorrow at 10:15 AM on NBC.
The Star-Ledger via NJ.com reports: "Months before revelations of hidden deals and no-bid contracts sparked two investigations, Rutgers University auditors were warning that no one was watching the money flooding into the school's athletic department. A confidential internal audit issued nearly six months ago criticized the department's fiscal controls -- including hundreds of thousands of dollars in off-the-books spending that never appeared in the Rutgers budget."
Apparently, it's just the burden of "success."
Said Joseph Sikora, the university's director of internal audit, "The leadership and organizational structure over athletics' financial operations show signs of being overextended at a time when the football program is undergoing rapid growth and success."
The 23-page report describes a department suddenly flush with additional sponsorship money and soaring revenues, following the rebound of the once hapless Scarlet Knights football team. At the same time, it details how the department eagerly tapped into those resources with seemingly little oversight.
Auditors found the athletic department subsidized the travel costs of boosters and other VIPs who accompanied the Scarlet Knights on charter flights to post-season bowl games the past three years, at a time when the university was hiking tuition and cutting academic budgets. It also discovered that the department understated its expenses for those games in reports to the administration and concluded the athletic department lacked the ability to collect and reliably report critical financial information "to the president, CFO, the board and the public.
The audit also focused on the university's partnership with a sports marketing company that had exclusive rights to handle radio and television advertising and promotions, funneling millions of dollars into the athletics department.
George Zoffinger, chairman of the audit committee on Rutgers governing board, said the athletics department structured sponsorship deals in a way that deliberately kept the money out of university coffers, and away from direct oversight of administration finance officials.
Zoffinger: "They're basically diverting funds that were sold as sponsorships to pay for other things that are not on the books of the university. This is not the right way to spend public money. The money should come to the university and then be allocated from there. It's inappropriate."
A few weeks back, Fat Willard posted an article noting: "When the hockey star Sean Avery took an internship at Vogue earlier this summer, the work uniform that the fashion-besotted left wing chose included a shorts suit that showcased his athletic calves."
Many HHR readers were disappointed that the accompanying picture to the post was not, in fact, of Avery in shorts. Well, patience is a virtue, my friends. When readers demand, HHR delivers.
Courtesy of Men's Vogue (via Fat Willard camping out under his desk all summer), here is Avery dressed as if he were an extra in Mary Poppins...
Fredo Manning does his best Bud Fox as he poses for the cover of this month's Men's Vogue.
Come on. Who do they think they are kidding? You can't polish a turd.
Put all the fancy 80's suits on him you want. He's still a stumbling, bumbling hick, who will never be very good, will forever have his hand held by daddy, will forever be in his brother's shadow and will forever be beholden to his defense for his ring. It makes for a cute trick or treat costume though.
The seventh round of HHR's Iron Ref is on. Click here for a look at this week's competitors and an overview of the contest. CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE COMMENTS.
Voting will be tallied at 5 PM EST on Thursday. Remember, winners will return to compete for the title of HHR's Iron Ref. If you are interested in competing, drop us a line.This round's secret ingredient:
The greatest single application of world class-ness as it applies to the world of sports is currently taking place in Beijing: oppression of human rights. Just kidding, politics and the Olympics don’t mix… except in 1936, 1968, 1972, 1980, 1984 and 2004. What I really meant to type was race walking.
I know race walking is an easy sport to pick on and everyone from bush league comedians to bloggers have taken a turn firing their semi-automatic assault rifles into the proverbial fish-laden barrel … but COME ON! How is this still an Olympic sport? It’s a perfect microcosm for the bastardization of the term world class. These “athletes” are competing in a sport created on a foolish bet made by two British gentlemen (distant relatives of the guys from Trading Spaces) after watching too much Monty Python while intoxicated.
Once we focus ourselves on eradicating ridiculousness like race walking and its continued trivialization of an important phrase, we can take “world class” back and bestow it upon those truly worthy. Kinda like black people and “N” word. Don’t worry. I’m black, I can say that that.
What does it mean to be "world class" at something? Well, Michael Phelps could tell you. Better yet, he could tell you, then grow a ladykilling Spitz-stache and start pulling in some serious arm candy at the local YMCA. You think the Uterine-Americans of suburbia wouldn't go for that look? Nice try. But Phelps is too obvious. He has two more gold medals this year than Antonio Alfonseca has fingers on his pitching hand. Brothers and sisters, that is a lot.
So I concern myself here with the little things. I've often wondered about those feats for which there are, sadly, no metrics. Examples: Who is the person, out of 6.6 billion or so on this earth, that is best at brushing his or her teeth? Or, if you prefer, how do you become a world class street crosser? These are the nuances that are overlooked in everyday life. What about the person who can hold the most eggs in his hand? Wait, there really is a measurement and a video for that.
Al Gore is spinning in his grave.
This principle, of course, can be applied liberally to the sporting world as well. Bloggers and other underwear-dwellers like to talk for days about good at-bat music. But only Brendan Harris of the Minnesota Twins has the courage and world classiness to roll with Warrant's "Cherry Pie." Best ever. Who are the NBA's world class garbage time players? Hollinger! Where are you now? Who delivers world class infield chatter at the major league level? What NFL interior linemen have reached world class level at secretly punching opposing groins?
These are the questions that haunt me like missing that ninth gold medal haunts Michael Phelps.
It's the one term that blow-hards, bleacher bums, basement-dwellers and self-serving columnists can all agree upon as the essence of excellence, usually discovered within the realm of global athletic competition.
There is no definitive statement on the term "world-class" without including the Olympics. And it just so happens that the Beijing Games has given us our latest example of a world-class athlete.
No, not Michael Phelps.
Usain Bolt.
Phelps is, without question, among the greatest athletes of all time. There is no class that could adequately classify his talent or focus, so it would be a disservice to his eight gold medals this summer, and his 16 Olympic medals thus far to call him world-class.
But Bolt is a different story. He's great now, but not quite the greatest of all time in the track and field world. He's hot now, but we've seen hotter. A young career and unknown potential are the only things that make his talent a reachable goal; an attainable ambition.
A current world-class talent.
Plus, his name is Usain muthaf*ckin' Bolt, a world-class name about ten times as cool as Ocho Cinco, Colt McCoy, and God Shammgod put together. You or I could've easily gone to high school with somebody named Michael Phelps. Hell, had I been born 50 miles north of Washington D.C., I could've gone to school with THE Michael Phelps.
You might not like the way he celebrated his 100-meter win. So what. To hell with you. It's not about records, and it's not about being legendary. It's about being true; to self, to country, to the sport, and to the moment.
And if you can't be in a class of your own, at least not yet, you might as well be at the head of the one you're in.
Promotion for NBC's 30 Rock has been mysteriously absent during the Olympic games. Perhaps the Chinese wrote something in the contract that forbids it because of a Saturday Night Live skit featuring 30 Rock actor Alec Baldwin. (Editors Note: the HHR staff searched the entire Internets for the clip to no success even though it is on Baldwin's greatest hits DVD, free speech violation NBC?)
Sgt. Jack Wilcox (Baldwin): Now, I don't pretend to know who these Chinese people are - I know they're small, maybe 1 or 2 feet high! I know they sound funny when they talk, I know the womenfolk have sideways vaginas! But underneath their scales, they're just like you and me. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I can't take on a billion of them.
Imitating pictures have yet to surface from a womenfolk's basketball team.
Here I thought I was going to have to put some effort in to win my gold medal in London with my new handball team. Turns out I could just walk for one or jump on a trampoline. (Don't worry, handball is still on for all those that have signed up)
For what women's soccer lacks in power and speed, it is made up for in the lack of fake fouls and injuries. I'm looking at you, all of Europe.
The ratings success of the Olympics has NBC itching for a spin off. You may have seen a glimpse of it the other night. Bella Karolyi and Tim Daggett shack up in China and hi jinx ensues. Hint: one of them breaks down and cries in the first episode.
Life advise to small town teenage boys between 6 foot 3 and 6 foot 6. Skip going for the NBA. You are too short and your high school coach makes you play like a big man everyday. Try for baseball pitcher and develop the arm. But cross train with volleyball and swimming. They could win you a free ride to college, fat endorsement deals and the ladies.
The Olympics are in China and they call Ping Pong "Table Tennis." Huh?
Both NBC online and beach volleyball announcer Chris Marlowe have used the term "phelpsian" to describe effort. No. Stop it.
If those are the drapes, I don't want to see the carpet.
Al Trautwig mentions that Alicia Saracone is the second most searched athlete next to Michael Phelps. I'm not sure its because people are looking for information on her misses in the gymnastics team event, Al. The missed steps will wash away once Hef calls.
The outfits for the women sprinters must have been outsourced to this season's pathetic Project Runway contestants. The faux collars are not fashion forward and the designer did not make it work.
China could learn a thing from western culture. When your stadium is half empty, you let people sit in the good seats to make it look full for the cameras. Helps with that whole freedom of the press thing.
You lika da Bella don't you, eh? The Bella is good, no? I knew you like da Bella.
This is almost too comical to believe, but apparently the Bengals aren’t too committed to shedding their label as the home for the NFL’s troubled youth:
Chris Henry is a great talent when he’s actually on the football field. But this is desperate. Chad Johnson’s shoulder injury must be more than what’s being let on at this point.
A quick rundown of Chris Henry’s off-field highlights (compliments of Wikipedia). The second entry is my personal favorite:
December 15, 2005: Henry was pulled over in Northern Kentucky for speeding. During a search, marijuana was found in his shoes. He was also driving without a valid driver's license or valid insurance.
January 30, 2006: Henry was arrested in Orlando, Florida for multiple gun charges including concealment and aggravated assault with a firearm. He was reported to have been wearing his #15 Bengals jersey at the time of his arrest. Henry pleaded guilty and avoided jail time in both cases.
May 4, 2006: Cincinnati media reported that Henry was being investigated by Covington, Kentucky police in connection with a sex crime which allegedly occurred in a Covington hotel room in the early morning of April 30, 2006. No charges have yet been filed, and on May 24, 2006, Covington police reported that there is no proof anything happened and that the alleged victim might have concocted the story and may face charges for filing a false police report.
June 3, 2006: Chris Henry was pulled over outside on Interstate 275 at 1:18 a.m by Ohio Highway Patrol trooper Michael Shimko. At 2:06 a.m. Henry voluntarily submitted to a breathalyzer test at Milford Police Department and registered a .092 blood-alcohol level, .012 above the level permitted in the state of Ohio.[16]
September 25, 2006: Bengals linebacker Odell Thurman was pulled over for driving under the influence. The truck Thurman was driving belonged to rookie quarterback/receiver Reggie McNeal. Neither McNeal nor Henry, who were passengers, were charged with any wrongdoing by authorities. However, Bengals head coach Marvin Lewis suspended Henry for the Bengals game against the New England Patriots.
October 6, 2006: Henry was suspended by the NFL for two games for violating the league's personal conduct and substance abuse policies. NFL policies forbid Henry from taking part in practices, however, he was allowed to attend any team meetings. Henry missed the Bengals' October 15, 2006 game at Tampa Bay and their October 22, 2006 home game versus Carolina.
January 25, 2007: Henry plead guilty to charges of providing alcohol to minors, an incident that occurred at a hotel in the spring in 2006. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail, with all but two of those days being suspended.
April 10, 2007: Henry was suspended for the first eight games of the 2007 NFL season for violations of the NFL's personal conduct policy. His suspension comes with a stern warning that future misconduct may result in the end of his career with the NFL. Henry was given permission by NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell to begin practicing fully. His suspension was lifted and he played in the November 11, 2007 game versus the Baltimore Ravens, amassing 4 catches for 99 yards.
May 18, 2007: It was reported by the Cincinnati Enquirer that Henry allegedly failed a court-mandated drug test. The report showed that he had taken an opiate, but the result was later proven to be false. The failed drug test would have been the third violation of the NFL's substance abuse policy. A third violation, per league rules, results in a one-year suspension. In addition to having his suspension increased to 24 games, he would have had to serve an 88 day jail sentence. As of May 23, 2007, the State of Kentucky has reported that Henry in fact did NOT fail a drug test, and that earlier reports to the contrary are erroneous.
June 12, 2007: Henry allegedly assaulted a 16-year-old boy with teammate Reggie McNeal. The claims were later reported to be unfounded and Henry and McNeal have been exonerated.
November 6, 2007: Henry allegedly assaulted a valet attendant at Newport on the Levee.
December 3, 2007: Henry arrested for the second time in Orlando, Florida for violating his probation he was on from a January 30, 2006 arrest. On February 21, 2008 he was found not guilty. On February 26, 2008, a motion to terminate probation in Orange County, Florida was denied.
March 31, 2008: Henry was alleged to have punched a man named Gregory Meyer, 18, and thrown a beer bottle through the window of his car. Henry claimed it was a case of mistaken identity and also that he thought it was somebody else that owed him money. Henry was waived by the Bengals a day after this arrest and was then forced to serve a house arrest sentence.
Final thoughts: We should just chalk this up to owner Mike Brown having the biggest heart in all of sports. Or to certifying the wide-held belief that he is twenty-times more moronic than Matt Millen.
If Chris does indeed come back, we’ve got to bring back Odell Thurman and Reggie McNeal, right? That’s right, bring back the 2005-2006 Bengals!
And to all teenagers in the greater Cincinnati – Northern Kentucky region: Let this be a warning. Stay at home or Chris Henry will try to intoxicate/fondle/beat the living hell out of you.
Well, that didn't take very long Mikey...not long at all...
Probably the worst kept secret in sports radio.
NEW YORK, Aug 19, 2008 -SIRIUS XM Radio announced today that it has signed renowned sports talk personality Chris "Mad Dog" Russo, the former star of the Mike and the Mad Dog show, to a five-year contract to headline a new sports talk channel exclusively available on SIRIUS and XM.
SIRIUS channel 123 and XM channel 144 will relaunch as Mad Dog Radio, a reformatted channel that will cover the spectrum of sports with engaging talk, high profile interviews, up-to-the-moment news and live remote broadcasts from the biggest sporting events.
24-hours of Chris Russo? Know I know really will know how Mrs. Russo feels.
You knew he had something cooking if he left the #1 sports radio show in New York, and it was bigger than the MSNBC Mad Dog Minute. As a subscriber of Sirius, I'll give it a listen the day he starts. Whether this will sell any more subscriptions is doubtful.
Heartbreaking as it is, even star athletes must adhere to the country's strict limitation on the number of children a couple is permitted to have. He just so happened to hear that this was the most effective form of contraception besides "anal."
Some doggone honesty is mighty refreshing in professional sports these days.
Just yesterday, ole Rusty was puzzled, stunned, even bewildered by the shady actions of JGR.
Today, just like the man Rusty knew he could be, Gibbs stepped up and sounded quite contrite as he waits for his medicine from NASCAR. He didn't utter any cliche phrases or innuendo. Instead, he said, "we don't do this, but it happened, I'll fix it, and I'm sorry." He took *gulp* responsibility for the team which he leads.
THR reports that "the Food Network is getting into the competitive eating genre with a new series tentatively titled "Eat the Clock.""
I, for one, am a bit put-off by this concept. Competitive eating has no business on the Food Network (of which, for the record, I am a big fan), and vice versa.
The show "is described as a cross between an eating competition and "The Amazing Race." Two teams of contestants rush to various Los Angeles eateries and gorge themselves in face-stuffing challenges."
Isn't this a bleeding heart "What about the kids?" campaign waiting to happen. How could such a wholesome, responsible channel like Food Network stoop to such Fox/Spike-like depths?
Oh believe me, I'll watch it, albeit confusingly.
Couldn't they just stuff a fat sausage in Rachael Ray's mouth and be done with it?
Or how about Paula Dean vs. her two a-little-to-gay-for-each-other-for-my-viewing-comfort sons going head-to-heads?
I am not sure if this is a step down for former Deadspin editor Will Leitch or proof that the MSM has finally begun to embrace bloggers and hired the former king of the mountain.
BOSTON (August 18, 2008) – WEEI.com announced today the additions of six first-rate journalists joining its staff, along with the first upgrade to the website’s content and design. Joining WEEI.com editor Rob Bradford and columnist Mike Felger are a collection of top print and online journalists with excellent experience and reputations both in Boston and nationally.
Will Leitch, the founder of popular sports blog Deadspin.com, will be joining WEEI.com to provide an outsider’s look at Boston sports and its fans. Leitch has authored three books, including “God Save the Fan” and is currently a contributing editor to New York Magazine.
In fact, Leitch's first blog is up today. (EDITOR'S UPDATE- check out the sidebar in Leitch's column. He is a huge fan of this very blog's founders. We are humbled.)
It's an interesting concept for a running column on a Boston radio/website but it just seems like a desperate move to pull a big name blogger and hope his legions of fans translate to page views. Of course, they made sure to hire a fan of a team they've already beaten in a World Series just a few summers ago. They can only take so much.
Another interested tidbit in the announcement is the hiring of former Globe writer Ron Borges. I am not sure if he will be doing his own column or just plagerizing everything Leitch and the rest of the new crew write.
When Ryan Dempster said in spring training that the Cubs would win this year's World Series, I cringed so hard I pulled a muscle. I believe the headline on my personal blog entry that day was, "DUMPSTER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?"
That was the last time I referred to Mr. Dempster by that ugly nickname -- and the last time I questioned his wisdom.
Since morphing from the Cubs' 2007 closer into their 2008 ace -- sorry, Carlos Zambrano, your last two starts prove you're too inconsistent to wear the crown -- Dempster has done everything in his power to make Cub fans believe this could be their year. And trust me, that's an amazing feat, akin to climbing Mt. Everest naked.
Raise your hand if you expected Dempster to be 14-5, ranking third in the National League in wins and leading the league in opponents' batting average (.210). That's where the Canadian-born righthander stands after the Cubs' 9-2 win over the Marlins on Sunday, a game in which Dempster did what has become his trademark. He battled, working his way through some pretty tight situations (of his own making), and gave his team a great chance to win.
The Cubs scored eight runs in the seventh to erase a 2-0 deficit and push Dempster within one victory of his career-high 15.
According to the Chicago Tribune, Dempster has allowed two or fewer runs in each of his last six starts and in 18 of 26 starts this season. That's pretty impressive, especially when you consider how often he seems to find himself in a jam.
"It was a grind, mentally and physically, to bear down and make pitches," Dempster, who struck out 10 Marlins over six innnings in 95-degree heat, told the Tribune on Sunday. "I just felt deep down inside that if I could keep them from scoring any more runs, we'd have a chance to come back and win it."
Dempster's feelings, apparently, are quite contagious. His body of work this season is almost a metaphor for the Cubs: You might find yourself in a bad spot, year after year after year, but that doesn't mean you can't will yourself into a good spot. Dempster is a talented pitcher, but his 'X' factor seems to be a believe in himself and his team.
By all indications, Dempster is a well-liked, well-respected teammate in a Cubs clubhouse full of team-oriented guys. His statements to the media are both humble and confident, which is a tough trick to pull off, and he always seems to back up what he says out on the field.
That's what I call a leader. An MVP -- even if he is a pitcher. And heck, why can't Dempster win the Cy Young Award this year? He certainly has enough exposure. He seems to always start the ESPN games, and I've heard him interviewed on national radio shows. His sense of humor and outgoing personality have made him a media darling. And he pitches for the Cubs, who despite playing outside the East Coast still manage to capture a whole lot of national interest.
A few more wins for "Demp," and he'll have the same statistical credentials as Brandon Webb. A few more big wins, like of the October variety, and awards won't matter. Dempster will achieve immortal status.
If Dempster's preseason prediction comes true, I think the Cubs should bring their victory parade up through the suburbs. It should go north and west through Evanston, Skokie, Morton Grove and Niles. Why, you ask? Because I grew up just a few blocks from a busy main street that connects all those communities.
Week 7 of Iron Ref begins today. We submit to you 3 more celeblogebrities who have agreed to brave HHR's Kitsch-en Stadium.
But first, the secret ingredient is...
WORLD CLASS
THE CONTESTANTS
JP is a man, not a machine. He's also the namesake for Pyle of List, a contributor for National Lampoon's Zaz Report and proprietor of the Sexy Man Index for the feature "Voodoo Sabremetrics" on Babes Love Baseball... which ironically (using Alanis Morisette's loose understanding of the word) could be his best work. He's appeared on TV's "The Singing Bee" and in the background of several sporting events where his parents swear they saw him. JP is a part-time blogger, full-time lover and generally decent guy. If you ever meet him, he'll probably be wearing flip flops and will greet you with a kind embrace, not unlike that of long-separated brothers.
Michael Rand started RandBall in December 2006 with hopes of changing the world and saving the puppies. So far, however, he's only succeeded in using the word "redacted" a lot.
Jarrett Carter is the man of a thousandblogs, or five to be more precise. His journalism exploits include stops in the Washington Post, the Baltimore Sun and the Black Sports Network. He divides his time between writing and obsessively commenting on various popular and start up blogs, his day gig as a PR executive, and his loving wife of 11 months. One thing about Jarrett that surprises a lot of people in the blogosphere is that he's black.
The Olympic pool is probably 4 inches short. Were there outside inspectors to measure the pool or did we rely on China's good word and expert craftsmanship?
Any complaints if men's field hockey is replaced with lacrosse? Didn't think so.
UFC's Dana White should be on the horn setting up a four man tournament. The gold medalists in wrestling and boxing fight to take on the winner between judo and tae-kwon-do. Now only to choose which weight class. I only have 58 options.
Eric Shanteau will forever be known as testicular cancer Olympic swimmer guy. Life isn't fair as he well knows.
Couple days back I heard the song Carrie by Europe during the beach volleyball tournament. I can't tell if it was for Kerrie Walsh or China hasn't had an import of American music since 1986.
The men's floor routine has a hint of NASCAR to it. You watch hoping they crash on their necks.
Host cities must be capable of building an enormous sloping indoor track for the opportunity for someone to ride their bike inside in a circle. The dullness and concept of indoor biking is mind numbing. If you want to ride inside it should be old school big wheels in a makeshift Mario Kart arena. I would watch that.
Old Rusty's got nothing but respect for Joe Gibbs. One of the most outstanding fellows in the sport, his faith (respectfully so) dictates many of his business decisions. For instance, he still refuses to consider alcohol sponsors for any of his teams. However, the news coming out of Michigan makes me start to think what in the devil went wrong.
JGR's embrace of the sport's new bad boy was puzzling, but no one suspected Gibbs wasn't playing above the board. Now, with what's being pulled in the Nationwide series, questions must come to mind about his Cup success as well. After having only a modicum of success last year with the most dominant team, the Shrub has racked up a series high 8 wins with a amazingly dominant racecar. Not saying he's cheated, I'm just saying there are now doubts . . . unfortunately, so.
Putting magnets on the accelerator doesn't help the car, and it wasn't on there during the race. What it does is change the reading on the dynometer, which begs the question, what do they have to hide? Why didn't JGR want NASCAR learning of the true horsepower of their cars? Are they so far above the rest as to raise questions about what else is being done behind closed doors? I'm not sure.
Rusty does know this, though. If you refuse to accept beer sponsorship because of your "faith", it would stand to reason that you would be honest in your dealings with the sport's sanctioning body. That's all i'm saying.
Fat Willard mentioned live blogging the LLWS. I think he was just excited to see his hometown Bordentown, NJ squad competing. Once they were eliminated, though, so was his interest.
HHR would like to welcome a new writer into the family...
"The Cubbie Chaser" grew up in the northern suburbs of Chicago and challenges anyone who thinks they've led a more miserable sports-fan experience to a thumb wrestle. Right here, right now. ...Yes, she roots for the Cubs. Born on Opening Day 1978 -- one guess what happened at Wrigley that day-- her heart still aches with the salt-filled wounds of 1984, 1989, 1998, 2003, and every other year before, since and in between. To her, a 10-run lead is not safe even with two outs in the ninth, and the World Series is like Voldemort in the Harry Potter books (that which must not be mentioned). In short, she lives her life in constant fear of inevitable collapse. She invites you to join the insanity.
Without further ado, the Cubbie Chaser talks about the Women's Olympic softball team.
They don’t compete in skimpy little bathing suits or leotards, like the other hugely popular American females in these Olympics.
While many of them play their sport professionally, they can’t lay claim to the salary or celebrity of the NBA — or even WNBA — basketball players representing our country in Beijing.
Still, nothing has changed since 2004, when the USA Softball team made the cover of Sports Illustrated as “The Real Dream Team.”
Nothing, that is, except the fervor.
As I sit here today, our softball team is 4-0 in the 29th Summer Games and has made the competition look like kindergarteners in gym class. Already the owner of all three gold medals since softball became an Olympic sport in Atlanta in 1996, the US has outscored Venezuela, Australia, Canada and Japan, 29-1, and allowed just two hits thus far this year.
That’s right up there with the ass-kickings doled out by beach volleyball mavens Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh, gymnasts Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson — and let’s throw swimmer Michael Phelps in there, because he’s all we ever hear about anyway.
But softball seems almost overlooked, like a footnote in the daily coverage, presented in highlight form rather than as the prime-time big deal it should be. There's no excuse for this. Thursday’s volleyball and gymnastics events happened in the early in the day in Beijing — which is evening/night here — so why can’t afternoon softball games be televised when we’re sitting at home on the couch?
Trust me, a whole nation full of little (and big) girls with fake-stirrup knee socks in their bat bags (or deep in their drawers) would watch. Slow-pitch weekend warriors would watch. And with the likes of Jennie Finch, Cat Osterman and Jessica Mendoza on the field, I’m willing to bet a lot of key-demographic 20-something guys would, too.
Obviously, some people think dominance is boring, that the lopsided results every year in Olympic softball make the sport uninteresting or unworthy of the grand international stage. Softball was one of the sports voted off the island, so to speak, for the 2012 Olympics in London.
So, are they going to vote off swimming next because nobody can hold a Speedo to Phelps the Human Phreak? Here's a better idea: Work hard, get better, and maybe you'll be able to compete. Don't just take your bright yellow 12-inch balls and go home.
(I should note that softball is eligible to be reinstated for the 2016 Olympics, which if we’re lucky will be in Chicago, where Finch pitches for the resident National Pro Fastpitch team.)
Softball grabbed our attention in 1996, again in 2000 and again in 2004. This year’s team is just as great, just as exciting — and maybe it’s even better. If 2008 is, in fact, the sport’s last Olympic hoorah, we should be soaking up every second.
Absolute wanking knob jockeys. The last of the Big Four are winners of last year’s Premier League crown AND the damn Champion’s League. Oh they make me f’ing sick. Especially that winking, daisy-duke wearing, horrible mini-mulleted chump Christiano Ronaldo (named after Ronald Reagan – true). The most valuable team in footy, valued at $1.8 billion. Vomit. The only time ever to support Chelski? When they play Man U. Prediction? They finally finish 2nd this season, behind Chelski while the Man U faithful constantly moan about unfair refs, poor fields, the weather, whatevers. Bunch of whiny, nasty, spoiled donkey giz bitches. More than you need to know Name: Manchester United Football Club Nickname: The Red Devils
Founded: 1878
Owner: The Glazer Family (of Tampa Bay) Manager: Sir Alex Ferguson
American-esque equivalent: The New York Yankees. Exactly. Producers of legends, winners of titles. The Darth Vader of Sports – the team you love to hate. Like no man above the age of 18 should be seen wearing a NY Yankees cap (unless they were born in the Bronx). No man above the age of 18 should ever be seen wearing a Man U replica shirt (unless you want to look like an utter, utter c*nt).
Look-a-Like winners:
Paul Scholes and Opie Taylor
Or
Carlos Tevez and a Vampire Bat
The Season kicks-off tomorrow. See ya down at the pub.
The Swedish wrestler didn't toss his medal on the ground because he thought the judges were corrupt, he was the first to realize that the Chinese were giving out counterfeit medals.
I'm going to see whether some NBA players that are not selected by St. Peter, I mean Jerry Colangelo, want to be on my handball team and take home America's first gold medal in the sport. Is Chris Kaman available? Oh, that's right.
Beach volleyball in the morning, beach volleyball at night. Come on already. Even NBC's online TV listing is exacerbated saying, "More beach volleyball."
Hug it out.
Swimmer Lochne on the medals platform, "Really. You are going to give me roses? Dude, seriously, I'll just take the medal. No, really. Fine, I'll hold them."
Horse dressage is tons more fun when its called Medieval Times and I am eating a giant turkey leg.
There was a line in the report that stood out and bears investigating:
"While these accounts hold the Hulkster's money, Terry Bollea doesn't control them. Instead they're in the hands of his close friend and business partner, Eric Bischoff."
That's right. Close friend and business partner, Eric Bischoff.
What other "associates" of Hulk's are bound to come out?
Our guesses...
Financial Adviser, Ted DiBiasi Accountant, Irwin R. Scheister Speech Therapist, Alfred Hayes Body Guard, Virgil Garbage Man, Duke Drose Handy Man, Dusy Rhodes Spiritual Adviser, Reverend Slick Pimp, The Godfather Barber, Brutus Beefcake
Trusty correspondent Assassin Avenue spent the past few days at a boring conference. However, all was not lost because his hotel room had HDTV and the Olympics were on. In the spirit of pure journalism, Assassin Avenue paid close attention to women's swimming and can now award the "Hot Swimmer Medals of the 2008 Olympiad."
Bronze:Federica Pellegrini, Italy. 2008 Medal Talley: One Gold
Silver: Laure Manaudou, France 2008 Medal Tally: no medals, but has been involved in a Olympic Love Triangle
Gold: Stephanie Rice, Australia 2008 Medal Tally: Three Golds
Our gold medal winner's talent has not gone unnoticed in the land down under. Beyond her medals, her accomplished include being an underwear model, recently breaking up with her boyfriend, and some naughty facebook photos:
All hail the gold medal winner. She's got it all. Gold Medals, endorsement deals, and a hot accent that doesn't require feeling guilty about not speaking her native language.
As you may or may not follow, SI.com has dispatched "10 writers to report on the 32 NFL training camps across the country" and is featuring their reports throughout August in their Training Camp Postcard segment.
Here at HHR, we prefer to look at actual postcards sent by players to their loved ones, as opposed to Peter King drivel.
Today, we take a look at what's going on in River Falls, WI(Chiefs), Napa Valley, CA (Raiders), San Diego (Chargers), and Englewood, CO (Broncos).
Sprint cup is back in Michigan this weekend. Now, it could be that Michigan was the track where JR won earlier this year. It could be that there are only 4 more races till the chase begins. It could be the thin mountain air here are the feet of Pike's Peak. Whatever the reason, Rusty's giddy as a school girl.
Michigan has emerged as a great race track in recent years. With the wide multiple grooves of racing it's become a drafting track. Drivers who know how to get speed out of their car and "see the air" as SR claimed to be able to do, will run well here. The trick is just having the horsepower under the hood, or as JR showed awhile back, the right pit strategy.
So, who to pick for your fantasy team. As can be expected Ole Jimmie has gotten hot coming into the chase. I don't know if he'll be able to pull off the championship or the 4 consecutive victories from last year, but you never know. Knaus has got that team peaking at the right point. So, it's not a bad pick for this week.
B List is going to be a gamble. The Biff has been relatively quiet this year, but I think he's due for another top 10. Besides, at Michigian you always want to include different manufacturer's. It's the race in the manufacturer's backyard, so everyone tries to impress the car makers. With a Chevy on the A list, seems to Rusty a Ford (yuck) would be appropriate for the B List.
The C List? Let's go with a Toyota. Vickers has been one of the better C listers this year, and he was hot towards the beginning of the year. His finishes are improving, so he's probably not a bad pick for Michigan
So, there's your picks for Michigan.
A List - J Johnson (48) B List - G Biffle (16) C List - B Vickers (83)
The mighty Arsenal ain't lifted a trophy in three years, which is like, forever, for the North Londoners, innit? Arsenal fans, the Gooners, have been spoiled rotten by some of the finest football teams over the last ten years. The highlight being 2003-2004 season, were they went all 38 games undefeated on the way to the title. The Gooners, like crack-addicts, just might freak the f- out if they don’t get a fix soon.
Does Arsenal have the squad to challenge for the title and Champions League? Hell yes. But what plagued them last season looks almost certain to derail their title hopes again – lack of depth. The off-season saw 3 excellent midfielders exit the squad; they have been replaced one new signing and youth academy product, with the combined age of 33. Not quite ready for prime-time. If the Gunners pick up a few injuries, they will be very vulnerable and beatable. However, when they are all fit – with Cesc Fabregas at the helm – they play the Cesciest damn football on the planet and can make it look easy to dismantle a team. But, their opponents know this and will likely kick the sh*t out of each game and by the end of the season they will be filling roster gaps with 9-year olds from the youth academy (who are probably better than 3/4s the Premier League anyway).
More than you need to know
Name: Arsenal Football Club
Nickname: The Gunners
Founded: 1888
Chairman: Peter Hill-Wood
Manager: Arsene Wenger
American-esque equivalent: Madonna. Hugely successful. Popular across the globe for producing sexy and entertaining products. Loyal fans from all walks of life. Have had recent success adding Africans to the squad. Another quick fact: like Ohio State, they refer to themselves as ‘The Arsenal’, not just ‘Arsenal’.
Thank you world wide webs for introducing me to handball. Handball, (Marv Albert) YES! Where do I sign up?
I was going to call out the puss-in-boots French weightlifter that tucked his tail between his legs and walked away from a lift to compete for the gold as a typical Frenchmen who surrenders when the going gets tough, but then I saw the Hungarian dislocate his elbow and remembered an Internets photo of a weightlifter blowing out his anus through his leotard. So...eh, screw it. Go suck a crepe, Frenchy.
We had a deep conversation about the efforts of the women's gymnastics team at work. We decided we liked the really tall, hot one. Turns out she is 5'3".
The gymnastics and diving announcers have hinted to it a few times, but GE CEO Jeffery Immelt may have had new heart-stopping devices implanted in them to stop them from elaborating, but the Chinese will pluck children out of daycare to forceably train them to become Olympic athletes. To compound that, remember you are only allowed one child in China. Sure, Americans have forceful coaches and live-through-your-children parents, but we do not send kids off to remote isles at age 3 to dive in a pool for 8 hours a day. Where is that story? Too busy hugging pandas, NBC?
Don't know my feelings on the whitewater kayaking event. It looks like a demonstration you would see at Dicks Sporting Goods next to the rock climbing wall.
Is this the normal event schedule for the Olympics or did the Chinese stack the lineup to focus on their best sports first? Could Kenya have all the distance running events first if they hosted?
As you may or may not follow, SI.com has dispatched "10 writers to report on the 32 NFL training camps across the country" and is featuring their reports throughout August in their Training Camp Postcard segment.
Here at HHR, we prefer to look at actual postcards sent by players to their loved ones, as opposed to Peter King drivel.
Today, we take a look at what's going on in Santa Clara, CA (49ers), Flagstaff, AZ (Cardinals), Mequon, WI (Rams), and Kirkland, WA (Seahawks). To See the Complete Parts 1-8, Click Here.
Imagine you support a mediocre team. Average as can be. Never the worst, never the best. All in all, your team is just there, year in and year out. Then imagine your team is visited by a very special Fairy Russian Oil Tycoon Oligarch that buys your club, invests his billions and cherry picks all the best players in the world. Suddendly, you win two League titles back to back! Sound good? That is what happened to Chelsea. Also know as Chelski, the self-proclaimed 'Richest Club in the World'.
This season Chelski boast a typical plethora of talent. Drogba, Lampard, Essien, and new signing, Deco. Plenty enough to go deep in the Champions League, and in my opinion, win the Premiership. The big factor this season will be the introduction of new Coach, Luiz Felipe Scolari aka BIG PHIL. You name it, Big Phil coached a team that won it. World Cup? Check. Copa Sul-Minas? Check. Copa Liberartadores? Check. Your College Soccer Intramurals? Check.
Prediction: With Big Phil at the helm, the Chelski will hold of the rest of the Big 4 and reaffirm what we knew all along – that they are a bunch of wankers with tons of money. Expect the Premier League crown back to the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea in 2009. More than you needed to know: Name: Chelsea Football Club
Nickname: The Blues
Founded: 1905 Owners: Roman Abramovich Manager: Big Phil Scolari
American-esque equivalent: Philadelphia Phillies. The Phillies have been around since the beginning, have a history and a loyal following, like Chelsea. They have only won one Championship, much like pre-billionaire Chelsea in 2003. Now, all the Phillies need is a sketchy KBG-linked Russian Oligarch to take them over and use them as his real-life fantasy team – and presto – back to back World Series wins!
Michael Phelp's life consists of eating, swimming, his dog and sleep. His dog sitter must be dropping bricks right now. Not only could a spilled gallon of delicious antifreeze destroy the spirit of the champion and therefore the country, but the French and the Thorpeedo may very well be lurking in the bushes in search of the most popular bulldog since Meaty.
Did you know that Misty May and Keri Walsh want to start families after the Olympics? Time to turn to the second page of the talking points boys. Is there more pressure on a set of reproductive organs in the country than these two?
Who invented the butterfly stroke? In what circumstance would you ever swim like that? Swimming strokes should be based on survival techniques not a contortion done by a 13 year old in his backyard pool.
As the days go by, we are finding out more and more aspects of the opening ceremony were faked e.g. fireworks, singing. I wouldn't be anywhere near the Bird's Nest the day after the closing ceremony. It is probably made of tin foil and paper mache.
I put my pants just like the rest of you, one leg at a time. Except, once my pants are on, I break world records. I'm Bruce Dickin...Michael Phelps.
Mary Corella might have been the inspiration for Jim Carrey's Vera De Milo.
By all means, feel free to download yourself some hairless Asian boys in Beijing pools in high quality HD! We'll pass.
Via Lifehacker, Waxy's Andy Baio talks about the availability, and more so the quality, of video for (illegal) download at BitTorrent and Usenet compared to that of NBCOlympics.com.
Baio provides sample videos, a list of currently available Olympic events at Usenet, and interesting comparisons of all three platforms and their improvements since the '04 games.
Today, ESPN.com features a link for something called "Celebrity Car Parade" in its Autos section.
Who else would be more appropriate to spotlight on the main page than the guy whose family is embattled with legal and image issues due to a near-deadly auto accident?
Hey y'all, it's Carrie. I can't get to the phone so leave a message and I might call ya back. I am just joking I am the sweetest person in the world I would never not return a phone call. Plus my vagina smells like cinnamon. Anyway, leave one.
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPP
Hey Carrie....It's Tony. Tony Romo. How are you? I am just calling to say hello. I am at camp and we have some down time so I figured I'd give you a call. I can't talk that long. T.O. will be back any minute and he gets jealous if I am on the phone for longer than a few minutes. He is so needy. Sometimes he will pull all my covers off while I sleep or fold my clothes for me just to get me to thank him and start a conversation. He also has all these prescription drugs on his desk. Like he is planning something. It's scary.
Anyway, so I was just calling.....you know....just calling to say what's up. I heard a song of yours today and I thought about you and figured I'd give you a call. Jess and I are doing great in case you were wondering. Just fantastic. I mean, the other day we got to spend the afternoon together because Joe got the squirts from bad shellfish. So we got to go shopping, play some Guitar Hero, and I am not sure but I might have gotten to second base. Well look, I have to go, we have to be up early tomorrow. I guess just call me when you get a chance. I sleep with the phone on and by my ear. ............... (Later that evening)
Hey, Carrie. Tony again. Look, don't tell anyone what I told you about Jess. She is kind of sensitive to all this stuff and she gets really upset and then I have to spend all day talking to Joe and I have football to worry about.......crap....have to jet, T.O. is waking up to pee again. ............... (A few days later)
Hey Carebear, it's me Romeo. Remember when we used to call each other that? Pretty funny thinking back. I haven't heard from you and wanted to make sure everything was ok. So call me when you get a chance. I will keep the phone on me so I don't miss your call. Later Carebear. .......... (Later that evening)
Heyyyyyy Carebear.....It's T.O.! I am just checking Tony's outgoing calls while he was in the shower. I thought this was you. Don't think I don't know what's going on! YOU STAY AWAY. TONY IS MY TEAMMATE. He.....HE IS MY QUARTERBACK. ....... (The next day)
Hey Carrie. It's me. Look....I can't keep doing this. I can't keep calling and never hearing back from you. This isn't fair. Please call me back. Jess is driving me nuts. She put her bra on backwards this morning ok. Are you happy? Did that make you laugh? God, I love making you laugh. Please call me.
As you may or may not follow, SI.com has dispatched "10 writers to report on the 32 NFL training camps across the country" and is featuring their reports throughout August in their Training Camp Postcard segment.
Here at HHR, we prefer to look at actual postcards sent by players to their loved ones, as opposed to Peter King drivel.
Today, we take a look at what's going on in Houston, TX (Texans), Terre Haute, IN (Colts), Jacksonville, FL (Jaguars), and Nashville, TN (Titans). To See the Complete Parts 1-8, Click Here.
‘ello, Chaps from London where it is a balmy 51 degrees and rain. No wonder 98% of Brits go to Ibizia to binge-drink and fight all August long. In case you were all too busy perving over the beach volleyball players or drooling over Bret Favre’s punishment lap – the English Premier League season starts this weekend. 40 games of the best footy on the planet. Yeah, it is kind of a big deal.
Over the next four days I will preview the season's “big 4” (Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool, and Manchester United) and I might talk about some of the other teams as well – but what is the point, really. None of them will win anything, come see in May and tell me otherwise.
Today’s preview: LIVERPOOL
Ah, the Mighty Reds. The famous Liverpool anthem sung from the terraces is, “You’ll Never Walk Alone”. Opposition fans are fond of mocking this tune and replying, “You’ll Never Win the League”. Liverpool is the only club of the big 4 to have not won the Premier League (which began 1992-1993 season). In fact, the last time they lifted the league trophy was 1990 (way back win it was called ‘Division 1’). That is an extremely long drought for a club of Liverpool’s stature. It is only exasperated by the fact they won the league in ’73, ’76, ’77, ’79, ’80, ’82, ’83, ’84, ’86, ’88, ’90. And probably a gazillion times before then too, but I am too lazy to look it all up.
Again this year Liverpool will contest for the Premier League title – but will fail. They certainly have the talent, but always seem to find a way to be in third or fourth place at the end of the season come May. Recently, past Liverpool seasons have been plagued by off-field antics as American owners George Gillett and Tom Hicks appear not give a shiz about any fans or the 125+ years of Liverpool history and want to run the club like, say, Dallas Stars. Hicks and Gillett even approached a few coaches behind the back of Benitez during the campaign last season – infuriating the Liverpool faithful. Rightly so, WTF do Gillett and Hicks no about coaching footy?
However, the good news is that they perhaps have the deadliest attack in all of English Football this year. They boast the fantastic Fernando Torres who will now be buoyed by recent signing, and new strike partner, Robbie Keane. If the two gel, and gel quickly, Liverpool can expect to score a lot of goals. Behind the attack Stevie Gerrard and Javier Mascherano provide a solid central midfield partnership seeing Stevie G. often moving forward on the attack and Mascherano in the holding midfielder role.
The Liverpool defense will be strong, or something, ah - who cares about defense? No defender ever gets you points on the Fantasy Footy. Their Goalkeeper, Pepe Reina now has a few years under his belt in the Premier League and will produce more than a few clean sheets this season.
My prediction? 4th again. Rafa has too much of a good thing. Too many brilliant attacking players. He will continue his very under-10 soccer policy of player rotation (yay, everyone plays!) and not let any one line-up get fully comfortable.
More than you needed to know:
Name: Liverpool Football Club
Nickname: The Reds
Founded: 1882
Owners: Tom Hicks and George Gillett
Manager: Rafa Benitez
American-esque equivalent: LA Lakers (minus any Kobe-era championships). Though LA and Liverpool are verydifferent places, both teams were dynasties looking to recapture their form. The red and white of Liverpool is instantly recognizable as the Lakers’ purple and good. As a kid, every Englishman has fantasized about playing for Liverpool (unless they support Everton).
Look-a-Like winners:
Dirk Kuyt & Ken Doll (if you microwaved it for a few seconds)
The olympics needs more Bella Karolyi. Already dropping bombs on gymnastics judges calling them corrupt. Can't you see him grabbing a judge by the scruff of the neck and waistband and give a him a bar toss.
I have decided the worst Olympian to be (so far) is the waterpolo player in the middle that can only be described as the "Dunkee." Go swim across the pool and proceed to get dunked for a few minutes. I blow chlorine out of my nose watching it.
I am tired of afternoon naps that start with and wake up to rowing. They need to trim the amount of sculls in the water in an Olympics. Better yet, it should be a viking warship race.
Instead of the media doing cute China culture pieces like how to use chopsticks, they should have a manscaping lesson with the diving team. Bare down there.
Why does Costas insist on harking about how he has had to walk from set to set? People walk every day, Bob. Usually without breaking a sweat or getting a cookie afterwards.
Flamboyant tag team of Michael "Hawk" Phelps and "Animal" Garret Weber-Gale successfully held off a couple of neo dweeb maxis from France to retain the gold at the Great American Bash.
They now got their sites set on a couple Russian comrades.
HHR pal Greg Mescall has a helluva gig. He is currently in China with the US Water Polo Association, for which he is a media relations manager.
Apparently, Olympic sponsorship deals and oppressive Chinese regimes prohibit him from blogging about it on our site. So, instead, he has been documenting his trip on his own Blogger page (Greetings From Asbury Park, I Mean Beijing). Check it out. In the meantime, we pilfered some of his photos from there. Take that, Chairman Mao.
As you may or may not follow, SI.com has dispatched "10 writers to report on the 32 NFL training camps across the country" and is featuring their reports throughout August in their Training Camp Postcard segment.
Here at HHR, we prefer to look at actual postcards sent by players to their loved ones, as opposed to Peter King drivel.
Today, we take a look at what's going on in Flowery Branch, GA (Falcons), Spartanburg, SC (Panthers), Jackson, MS (Saints), Lake Buena Vista, FL (Bucs) from a player's perspective. To See the Complete Parts 1-8, Click Here.
Raj Bhasvar may have surgically implanted softballs into his arms.
Which gymnastics apparatus expierences the most flatulance? I know I would have my mouth closed while providing support on the rings.
What does blowing your knee apart mean? Visions of a Tarantino movie come to mind. Either way, you shouldn't be able to land a high bar dismount. Then again, the same guy who described the injury just said gi-normous.
Costas claims a major victory by transmitting live from Tienneman Squre. Red flag? Can't video live in your most popular tourist destination. America will let go live at San Quinton.
America never had to use a sword in a battle, yet we are the best.
Costas is wearing a toupe. Chris Collinsworth is in Beijing for some reason. There must not be any former olympians with dimples.
All Olympics not in the eastern standard time zone should be forbidden.
Discovered what intramural college "athletes" have long known, badminton is awesome and not simply for the sophemoric (sp?) innuendos.
If Mariel Zagunis screamed every time she won a point against me, I would want to stab her harder with my sword.
Thank you women for lowering your standards on what constitutes an attractive man. Us long faced gangy people salute you. However, you must still look like Jessica Biel.
According to NBC/GE, Mongolia is responsible for China's deplorable air quality, not China's lack of air quality industrial standards that allow industries to billow minute particular matter and ozone into a sunken topographical area. Stupid Gobi Desert.
Captivated by the different type of sweepers for various sports, sand sweepers, volleyball court sweepers. The coordinated badmitten sweeper with their super squeegies are favorite so far.
I am going to San Francisco for my honeymoon so a few months ago I bought tickets to a Giants game against the Diamondbacks. This automatically put me on the Giants email list for upcoming events, give-a-ways, and reasons to catch a Giants game for any other reason but the team.
I got this today and found it hysterical.
Show everyone you root for a loser franchise with a wonderful picture mousepad. Get a fan a minute gift by plastering his face on a mug so every morning he can enjoy a Cup o' Joe as he cries over the game recap of another Giants loss. How about a wall clock so you can joke to friends and family that it 'looks like time for another Giants ass-beating.'
How about a daily apology from the organization in every fan's inbox?
I have no doubt that Brett Favre is a nice guy and extremely well liked by everyone in the NFL. Look no further than every single comment made by every NFL player in regard to the Favre/Packer situation.
So what about Favre's former back-up QB Aaron Rodgers? Do you sympathize with what he's gone through, with Favre retiring, then not, then coming back, then not?
No, I don't sympathize for him, but I understand what he is going through. I mean, being a backup QB is a really frustrating job because you need to be ready to go every week and you might not get the chance. I did that for three years and I didn't get to play. It is just part of the job.
I just want someone in the NFL to say "Favre may still have it, but he should have decided that fact before the season started" and not come in and out retirement like a WWE wrestler.
Hasselbeck can't sympathize because the job was never going to be his to win. In 1999-2000 the job was Favre's until he retired. Until he ACTUALLY retired. For good. Rodgers waited his turn and had the job until Favre and his itch. Hasselbeck also can't sympathize because he got the hell out of dodge after a two seasons and high-tailed it to Seattle.
I would have loved to have gone with Juan Samuel. He was one of my favorite players growing up.
But when Joe hit up Bully Dave Schultz as his pick, I knew I not only had to step up my game, but to tap into some championship nostalgia.
So with that, ladies and gentleman, I give you my nominee, from the University of North Carolina and YOUR Philadelphia 76ers #24, Robert Clyde "Bobby" Jones.
#24?
Naturally.
2x4=8.
Crazy, right?
Gets better.
According to NBA.com, with the 76ers, he totaled 6,585 points and 2,942 rebounds.
6+5+8+5 = 24.
And as we've already calculated, 2x4=8.
Crazy.
But wait.
2+9+4+2=17.
Unless my abacus is malfunctioning, 1+7=8.
Craaaaaaazeeeeee.
What isn't crazy though is the intensity and integrity with which Jones played the game.
One of the greatest defenders of his era, and a member of the city's last major championship team, Jones was NBA Sixth Man Award winner in that magical year of 1983, an 8-time NBA All-Defensive first team, NBA All-Defensive second team in 1985, a silver medalist in the '72 Olympics and a 4-time NBA All-Star.
He also is in the all-time top 5 leaders on the Sixers in PLAYOFF games, minutes, offensive boards, defensive boards, steals and blocks.
Making him, in my mind, one of the best players the city had seen in the woeful decade of the 19...wait for it...80's.
In an outright display of ballot stuffing and voter intimidation, The Jets Blog's "Boss" Brian Bassett put a world of hurt on the Mistake on the Lake's favorite son Scott Sargent of Waiting For Next Year, challenging vote counters to sort the whole mess out. It was just too much. Poor Andrew could not help but stay on the sideline and watch this horrific bloodbath.
Brett Favre is officially part of the New Jersey sports scene. To welcome him to the Garden State, the Trenton Thunder (Yankees minor league affiliate) have offered him a free tickets for the rest of the season.
(Trenton, NJ) - Upon hearing the news that future Hall of Fame quarterback Brett Favre had been traded to the New York Jets, the Trenton Thunder, the Double A affiliate of the New York Yankees, offered the former Green Bay Packer season tickets for the remainder of the 2008 Thunder season.
"This is a big transition for Brett and his family, and the Thunder wanted to ensure they would feel welcome in the Garden State from day one," said Thunder Assistant General Manager Greg Coleman. The New York Jets play their home games in East Rutherford, NJ which is approximately an hour drive from Trenton.
You know the crazy thing. The Jets were going to give away free tickets this season before they got Favre.
Yawn . . . Another boring road course race this coming weekend. Maybe Rusty'll watch the PGA Championship instead. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Yeah, who am I kidding. Well, if you are going to race on a road course, Watkins Glen ain't a bad one to choose.
It's a fast road course located in the redneck section of upstate New York (or so I'm told). The long straightaways allow the drivers to go quite fast at this track. It provides a little more excitement than the snail's pace Sonoma. So, who to pick for the fantasy pick?
On the A Team, I'm going to pick a hot driver, who's had a modicum of success at the Glen. Carl Edwards coming off a win at Pocono is on the rise, and I think he could run well if not challenge for the victory at the Glen.
The B Team presents a whole host of potential. I'm hearing word that Robby Gordon is the man to go with, and while I'll put him in my stable, not sure it's a good pick to start, and here's why. Robby's got consistency issues. Yeah, he runs well from time to time, especially on road courses, but his hot headed nature seems to keep him from consistent top finishes. That being said, I'm going to go with last year's winner of the hot-head award, Juan Pablo Montoya. Last year, JPM got his first and only win at Infineon. With his road course experience, he may get his second this coming week. At very least, look for him to run strong and be in contention towards the end.
Lastly, the C list. Not having a great deal of options, I'm sticking with Kvapil. He's running pretty good for an "also-ran", and as momma always says, if it ain't broke don't fix it.
So, there's your picks for Watkins Glen.
A List - C Edwards (99) B List - J P Montoya (42) C List - T Kvapil (28)
As you may or may not follow, SI.com has dispatched "10 writers to report on the 32 NFL training camps across the country" and is featuring their reports throughout August in their Training Camp Postcard segment.
Here at HHR, we prefer to look at actual postcards sent by players to their loved ones, as opposed to Peter King drivel.
Today, we take a look at what's going on in , Georgetown, KY (Bengals), Letrobe, PA (Steelers), Berea, OH (Browns) and Westminster, MD (Ravens) from a player's perspective. To See the Complete Parts 1-8, Click Here.
EDITOR'S NOTE: WE INTENDED TO POST A CARD FROM KYLE BOLLER FROM RAVENS' CAMP, BUT IT WAS INTERCEPTED UPON DELIVERY.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been staying up nights wondering what was going to happen to Brett Favre. So imagine my surprise when I found out last night that Favre is going to channel his inner Vinny Testaverde to take over the QB reins of the Jets at the advanced football age of 38.
Without a doubt, this move improves the Jets passing game for the simple fact that downfield throws have been reinstalled into the weekly game plan. Whether it makes the Jets good enough to compete with the Patriots … well, no, it does not. The Jets are clearly still second fiddle in the AFC East.
Meanwhile, Chad Pennington got dumped on the street like last week’s trash. Of course, the internal anatomy of his right shoulder is trash, so there is some merit to the analogy.
That said, Pennington sacrificed a ton for the Jets: he played hurt, he underwent multiple surgeries to get back on the field, and played the good soldier role even as he and Kellen Clemens alternated turns being trampled by the oncoming Patriots pass rush. That still doesn’t qualify him as the best quarterback for the Jets, but as the eloquent poet Rick James used to sing, Pennington being waived is just a little cold blooded.
It’s been said that the NFL means “Not For Long”, but in this case, I suppose it could mean something else: “No F**king Loyalty”.
But who cares about Pennington? If anything can be gleaned from this disaster it’s that Favre doesn’t care who he runs over on his way to posting double-digit interception numbers this season.
For God’s sake, Brett had the “itch” to play ball! (Just on his terms and no one else’s.)
As you may or may not follow, SI.com has dispatched "10 writers to report on the 32 NFL training camps across the country" and is featuring their reports throughout August in their Training Camp Postcard segment.
Here at HHR, we prefer to look at actual postcards sent by players to their loved ones, as opposed to Peter King drivel.
Today, we take a look at what's going on in , WI (Packers), Mankato, MN (Vikings), Bourbonnais, IL (Bears) and Allen Park, MI (Lions) from a player's perspective. To See the Complete Parts 1-8, Click Here.
Click here for a look at this week's competitors and an overview of the contest. CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE COMMENTS.
Voting will be tallied at 5 PM EST on Thursday. Remember, winners will return to compete for the title of HHR's Iron Ref. If you are interested in competing, drop us a line.This round's secret ingredient:
It might not keep you from getting that $7.50 Bud Light Lime or from hitting on that jailbait wait in the next row, but more than likely, even though it's totally juvenile, it's still amusing at some level. I'll bet that even bastion of culture Buzz Bissinger has been known to chuckle at a running fielder crashing through the outfield wall now and again. **slide whistle down**
Well, why is that?
How many times can you see an NBA player posterize a white European? Boo-ring!! The ugly play helps to remind us, that even though We Are Witnesses, we're also witness to some choice airballs … freethrow airballs that is.
THERE IS NO GOD!!! BRON-BRON MISSED A FREE THROW!
Ahem … sorry about that.
As a Knicks fan, I know something about ugly play, just ask Zack Randolph. One night he's sinking half court rainbows with a defender in his face, and the next looks like looks like he just came from Ron Burgundy's "first in the ratings" party.
Either that's professional basketball, or I just was witness to Champ Kind literally shitting a squirrel. Whammy!
My thought, is that we mere mortals – and especially us bloggers – who dare to tread amongst these athletic demigods like reminders that they are in fact, just humans. If a guy who made $13 million for the Knicks can lose the ball and then chuck up an airball with seven seconds still on the shot clock, then dammit, why can't I?
That and maybe for once I don't have to think that my life is the only one set to a series of Benny Hill blooper reels. **slide whistle up**
Some call it the code. Some call it the unwritten rules of baseball. I call it shit. Shit? Follow this line of logic, and you shall agree that "The Code?"
It's sports answer to Shepherds Pie.
You have a baseball player, an egotist. Let's call him Manny Ramirez. He takes a hanging slider deep off of a pitcher. Let's call him Vinnie Chulk. And Manny, being Manny, decides to take an amble down and around the bases.
And Bruce Bochy, after having to deal with the various mishagoes of having such a miserable team, decides that he's got to get his vengeance. And so you know what that means? Casey Blake pays for Manny's misdeeds in blood.
And even though the umpires decide that they are warning both dugouts. Joe Torre doesn't care. Deep down, he's old school as well. And you know what that means?
Dave Roberts has got to pay! And suddenly? It's a brawl! Blake DeWitt is going brick shithouse on Randy Messenger! Juan Pierre is going after Andruw Jones! A bench coach just hit Jonathan Broxton with a spinning piledriver! Buh Gawd it's a Pier Sixer!
The bruises may heal, the suspensions get served. But you know what? It was completely unnecessary. People had no need to punch each other. YouTube didn't need another highlight. All because the code demanded blood.
The code makes baseball like the drunk uncle that always hit people after he had too much to drink. The code is what makes the game ugly. Some may like it. But for the consensus?
On that fateful day in November of 1995, Cleveland fans were hit with the earth shattering news of Art Modell signing a deal that would relocate their beloved Browns. Lawsuits began to fly, Congress got involved, and even Steeler fans were behind this town. But it was all for naught as the 5-11 season of ’95 was our last memory of our team.
While Cleveland NFL Football LLC was formed, fans counted down the days to 1999 – the year that football would return to the city that housed the burning river. Though comprising several long years, football did in fact return to Cleveland; and the savior was none other than the quarterback from the University of Kentucky Tim Couch.
A Heisman Trophy finalist, this is the Couch that Browns fans thought that they were receiving on that fateful day called the 1999 NFL Draft:
But not so fast. Couch would take the helm of a team that was simply destined to fail. While the Baltimore Ravens were winning a Super Bowl, the new Browns were rapping up their second season that finished with a combined record of 5-27.
As one can imagine, things got a bit tenuous in Cleveland. The uber-amazing Kelly Holcomb was hot on Couch’s heals; before advancing his career as the would-be back-up of the Buffalo Bills. Amidst a quarterback controversy, Couch continued to get pummeled thanks to less-than-shoddy offensive line work. Then, during the first week of October, 2002, Couch would lay on the ground for several minutes after suffering a concussion against – who else? – the Baltimore Ravens.
While most fans would be deathly silent if their starting quarterback were lying motionless, Browns fans that filled the stadium on that day cheered as Couch was being shown the sideline. While Holcomb would lead a comeback that just fell short, the career of Tim Couch in Cleveland was summarized with the following quote:
"I've been here four years now, and laid it on the line for this team and city," he said, his eyes filled with tears. "For them to turn on me and boo me in my home stadium is a joke. It's hard to take, man."
I’m willing to post a reward for anyone that can find the actual video evidence of this interview, but it’s legacy will never die in Cleveland. And people wonder why he turned to HGH…
Last night on No Reservations, Tony took a tour of the Southwest and stopped in at the Alice Cooper/Randy Johnson-owned Cooperstown Sports Bar in Phoenix.
At Alice's "prodding," Tony proceeded to stuff his face with the 2-foot long "Big Unit."
When they heard Coach Mike McCarthy was offering retired Packer quarterbacks the chance to compete for the starting gig, several former Green Bay signal callers felt they still had a little gas left in their tanks.
Bart Starr Age: 74 Pros: More mobile and able to escape pocket than the elderly Favre. Starr has an NFL award named after him. The Bart Starr Award recognizes outstanding character, a lack of which by Packer QBs lately has caused this pre-season mess. He's a Hall of Fame quarterback and when a Hall of Fame quarterback who has been an icon for your team says he can still play, nothing else matters. And he's the only one actually in the Hall of Fame.
Bart Starr Statue Age: 4 Pros: More mobile and able to escape pocket than the elderly Favre. Never addicted to pain killers. Doesn't cry at press conferences.
Don Majkowski Age 44 Pros: Has a Majk touch. His injury paved the way to Brett Favre seeing the field and subsequently finding success. That should account for something. You OWE him Green Bay. You owe him.
Doug Pederson Age: 40 Pros: A long-time Favre backup, he knows the system, without having to take a beating by actually having to play. He can hold the spot down for Rodgers and teach young Aaron a thing a two, much like he did for McNabb in Philadelphia.
Ty Detmer Age 41 Pros: 2 for 1 deal, apprenticed under brother Koy in the craft of holding. He's a Heisman winner with a bloodline. Cares more about football than he does hunting and fishing in Mississippi. Can spell "Mississippi."
The MSM golden Olympic boy Michael Phelps is set to break Mark Spitz’s Olympic record of seven gold medals. To rub salt into Spitz’s tear-soaked eyes, Phelps has decided to steal his signature mustachioed look.
Thanks to English Fail Blog
