Thursday, February 26, 2009

John Kerry Suggests Not Breathing on Tom Brady


In a wide ranging, and surprisingly silly interview, former presidential candidate and current Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chairman John Kerry lets would-be pass-rushers opposing the New England Patriots know how things would be if he were president... for a moment:
Q: You’re president of the United States for enough time to make only one executive decision. What is it?
A: Any opposing player who sacks, tackles, touches, breathes on or looks directly at Tom Brady is declared an enemy combatant.
Now this scenario is unlikely to ever occur, but as Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, don't forget the fact that John Kerry has the power to write a sternly worded letter.

But he is correct in a sense. In order to protect our most treasured national treasures, we sometimes must impose sweeping and outlandish punishments to deter attacks. So the logical solution here is to put Brady under bulletproof glass and allow him to only be viewed at specific times in a controlled environment. If it's good enough for the constitution, it's damn good enough for Tom Brady.

Either that, or he could be encased in Carbonite a la Han Solo. He'd be shielded from contact and it probably wouldn't affect his mobility much at all.

[via Politco's Answer This]


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