Thursday, March 12, 2009

How Soccer is Ruining America

Stephen H. Webb, a professor of religion and philosophy at Wabash College, recently penned a piece for First Things titled "How Soccer is Ruining America: A Jeremiad."

And frankly, I want to thank him for saying the things that needed to be said.

Professor Webb's argues:

Soccer is running America into the ground, and there is very little anyone can do about it. Social critics have long observed that we live in a therapeutic society that treats young people as if they can do no wrong. Every kid is a winner, and nobody is ever left behind, no matter how many times they watch the ball going the other way. Whether the dumbing down of America or soccer came first is hard to say, but soccer is clearly an important means by which American energy, drive, and competitiveness is being undermined to the point of no return.
His justification includes:
  1. "Any sport that limits you to using your feet, with the occasional bang of the head, has something very wrong with it...Anthropologists commonly define man according to his use of hands. We have the thumb, an opposable digit that God gave us to distinguish us from animals that walk on all fours."
  2. "Sporting should be about breaking kids down before you start building them up."
  3. "Everyone knows that soccer is a foreign invasion, but few people know exactly what is wrong with that. More than having to do with its origin, soccer is a European sport because it is all about death and despair."
  4. "And then there is the question of is a game for mimics the paradigmatic feminine experience of childbirth more than the masculine business of destroying your opponent with insurmountable power."
If there were ever any debate, academia just settled it. Soccer is a Commie game for weak, little girls.

H/T Assassin Ave

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Jeff said...

They don't actually expect us to swallow this tripe, do they?

Permanent4 said...

The AYSO has much to answer for.

Matthew said...

This Prof. actually pulled this from an old Chuck Klosterman bit, from his book Sex, Drugs and Coco Puffs.

In it, Klosterman explains that Soccer is a Socialist game, and that as we grow up, and learn that life is about taking responsibility, we, as Americans, no longer accept Soccer's socialistic values and we switch to Baseball, which is the ultimate Capitalist game.

This is why people have been saying 'Soccer is taking over,' for generations, and yet it always ends the same.

Rumor Mill said...

One has to wonder how old Professor Webb is. He sounds like some old ass guy who knows nothing about the sport.

So HB? Are you gonna write a companion article "How America is Ruining Football?"

Or better still...

"How bloggers are ruining journalism."

Oh and wait...

"How MP3 Downloads are ruining music."

Better not go here, you will be ruined!

mk said...

Fuck you...