Friday, April 3, 2009

WrestleMania's Greatest Moments I-XXIV

With the 25th Anniversary of WrestleMania taking place this Sunday, HHR looks back at the greatest moments from the first 24 shows.

WrestleMania

The star-studded spectacular at MSG that started it all, WrestleMania ushered in the 80's era industry standard of "rock 'n wrestling." It also made Special Delivery Jones a household name when King Kong Bundy squashed his ass in a record 23 seconds.



WrestleMania 2

Coming off the initial success of Wrestlemania, the WWF upped the ante by hosting the follow-up at 3 separate venues, the Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum in Uniondale, New York, the Rosemont Horizon in Rosemont, Illinois, and the Los Angeles Memorial Sports Arena in Los Angeles, California.

Channeling their inner Wahoo McDaniel, NFL players Jimbo Covert (Chicago Bears), Harvey Martin (Dallas Cowboys), Ernie Holmes (Pittsburgh Steelers), Bill Fralic (Atlanta Falcons) and William "Refrigerator" Perry (NFL player - Chicago Bears), paved the way for the legendary feud between Mongo McMichael (Chicago Bears) and Kevin Greene (Carolina Panthers).



WrestleMania III

Billed as the he largest recorded attendance for a live indoor sporting event in North America, Wrestlemania 3 is best remembered for the "Full Nelson Challenge" between Billy Jack Haynes and Hercules Hernandez.

WrestleMania IV

Taking place at Trump Plaza in beautiful Atlantic City, NJ, the show featured a 14-man tournament for the vacated WWF Championship and a 20-man battle royal. If you laid money on Bad News Brown winning said battle royal, you have a gambling problem.

WrestleMania V

People around the world shelled out hard-earned cash for an event that pitted a man dressed like a rooster against a 55 year old man in a singlet.



WrestleMania VI

The Hart Foundation defeat The Bolsheviks. The Canadian government then takes credit for doing its part in helping end the Cold War, and celebrated it as the country's first ever military victory.

WrestleMania VII

After witnessing the Nasty Boys defeat the Hart Foundation, Hulk Hogan became so infatuated with Brian Knobbs that he made him his personal man-slave.


WrestleMania VIII

Racial stereotypes aplenty, we saw Australian Bushwakers, a Mexican Matador, a Native American Tatanka, a black slave, a Canadian Mountie and a backwoods Skinner. If any of those people could afford pay-per-view, I am sure they would have been offended.

WrestleMania IX

Held in Caesar's Palace, the WWF promoted the event as the "World's Largest Toga Party."


WrestleMania X

The main event featured a match between Yokozuna and Bret Hart, with guest referee Roddy Piper, guest ring announcer Burt Reynolds and guest timekeeper Jennie Garth. When asked about the experience, Reynolds told reporters, "Ha. Jap sumo wrestler. That's funny. Like a big hat. Funny."


WrestleMania XI

Lawrence Taylor defeated Bam Bam Bigelow in the main event and then proceeded to do 10 lines of blow off of guest valet (from earlier in the night) Pam Anderson's ass.

WrestleMania XII

Held at at the Arrowhead Pond in Anaheim, California, production featured stock footage of the LAPD freeway chase involving O.J. Simpson for the backyard brawl segment. Double murder = funny.


WrestleMania XIII

Gender-benders galore! Effeminate Hunter Hearst Helmsley, who sought protection from "female" bodyguard Chyna, defeated cross-dressing Texan Goldust (with cigar-smoking manager Marlena).


WrestleMania XIV

Post-event, Iron Mike Tyson dubs the new WWF champion "Cold Stone" Steve Austin.



WrestleMania XV

In a pre-show battle royal for the rights to compete for Tag Tiles later in the night, D'Lo Brown defeated a bevy of wrestlers you barely remember including Brian Christopher, 8-Ball, Skull, Droz, Gillberg, The Godfather, Mideon, Rocco Rock, Johnny Grunge, Tiger Ali Singh, Scott Taylor and Viscera.

WrestleMania XVI

T & A (Test and Albert) defeated Head Cheese (Al Snow and Steve Blackman with Chester McCheeserton). Marketing icon Chester Cheetah was found dead later in the night of apparent auto-erotic asphyxiation gone awry.


WrestleMania XVII

Shane McMahon defeats Vince McMahon. Vince McMahon defeats the hearts and souls of wrestling purists everywhere.

WrestleMania XVIII

Rikishi breaks Yokazuna's WrestleMania record for fattest ass ever aired on pay-per-view. Wrestling historians note that this is akin to Cal Ripken breaking Lou Gehrig's iron man record.


WrestleMania XIX

Former NCAA Champ Brock Lesnar defeats former Olympic Gold Medalist Kurt Angle. And no one cared.

WrestleMania XX

Chris Benoit defeated Triple H and Shawn Michaels, but the WWE has since erased every record of this ever happening.


WrestleMania XXI

Billed as Wrestlemania goes Hollywood, the WWE promoted it with a series of parody movie trailers, including Pulp Fiction featuring Eddie Guerrero and Booker T playing the roles of John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson.



WrestleMania XXII

5'6" 175 lb Rey Mysterio defeated Angle and Randy Orton to win the World HEAVYWEIGHT Title. When asked how it felt Mysterio screamed "I'm going to Disney World, but I'm too small to ride any of the grown-up rides so I'll just settle for Dumbo!"

WrestleMania XXIII

23 took place on April 1, 2007 at Ford Field in Detroit, Michigan, setting off Ford Motor Company and Detroit's plummet into corporate irrelevance. Fans started chanting "We Want Repo...We Want Repo!"


WrestleMania XIV

5' 8" in Floyd Mayweather, Jr. defeated the 7' 441 lb Big Show and Paso Dobled his way into hearts of gays and housewives everywhere.


For more WM fun, win stuff at Gunaxin's WrestleMania 25 Smash Up

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3 comments:

nihilisten said...

Have anyone here thought of WHY PEOPLE WATCH SPORTS in the first place?

My theory: I think we watch sports for the same reasons we read novels - to provide our minds with dramatic stories which teach us lessons useful in life's various struggles.

If you're interested, I back up this statement here: http://www.corrupt.org/news/why_we_watch

zman354 said...

I'm pretty sure WrestleMania III was better remembered by the Hulk vs Andre match. and the body slam by the Hulk on Andre. Let's get serious here.

Ckanky said...

I remember Rikishi's fat ass.... What a disgusting stuff.
WWF was great, BTW is crazy how many cheap viagra online blogs I manage to dodge in order to get the right site and the right information.