How to Know When You Need to Take a Few Days Off
Special to HHR from Cake Rocks the Party
Now you've gone around and you've seen good articles on how to become a sports blogger. And both takes are excellent. But you know what? Nuts to starting. I mean it, you really shouldn't. It's work coming up with stories that Deadspin won't link to. And if Deadspin won't link to it, nobody's going to see it.
So why even start? You're an American, that's why. Your opinion matters. Even if you're one in twenty who think the Braves made a steal in getting the Uncouth Nate McClouth. You just know that you're that special little snowflake.
And this is why I am guest posting - to help you. Because right now my blogging state of affairs is like the creepy old man at the start of the horror movie. You need to watch yourself. For you are all doomed...DOOOMED!!!!
Doomed to read a list post.
1. The Goldilocks Complex
We all know the story of Goldilocks, yeah? First it's too cold, then it's too hot, and then it's just right. If you're a sportsblogger? You cannot be afraid of clutter. You'll go from someone who can generate 3 to 4 posts a day to someone who puts up five paragraphs a week if you're lucky. Unless you're someone who's super prolific? You can't be afraid to suck.
2. Living and Dying Off Your Self-Promotion
I'll let mid-1990's Alternarockers Nada Surf handle this one. "There's still a feeling of rejection when someone says she prefers the company of others to your exclusive company." And you aren't going to have the major blog be honest and direct and make you have to respect them for their frankness. So you know what? You just have to let the effort of the day before go if it doesn't work.
You can't advance if you look back, right? So don't. Your brilliance sucked dude.
3. Twitter Addiction
I love twitter. I love twitter like I love cake. In fact, if Twitter was cake, I would never leave the house. I would live on my draft day call of Darrius Heyward-Bey. But you see how it's a problem, yeah? You are spurting out 140-character bursts. And you don't make your bones on twitter. Your Horny Kitty is not going to read your blog.
Use Twitter as a tool. Network. Occasional moments of pithy brilliance, but you know what? It's not comfort food. Don't use it like Ice Cream and an Amy Adams movie.
4. Not knowing the difference between creativity and just being an asshole.
I once had a tag team partner. He wrote a nice piece about a collective of women sportsbloggers. He made fun of them. Why? Because he was saying something about males propensity to jump up and defend a woman on the internet.
See? That was creative. Me? I cannot seem to hate with style and creativity. You? If you're not saying something in the subtext when you're hating? Best to rejigger your post ideas.
Also? Asian jokes where you switch l's and r's? It's hack. Just saying.
5. You can't even--
I have to take a phone call. You know what I was saying, right? Right.
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