Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Cynic's Guide to College Football: Week 12

Thanksgiving is always my favorite holiday. What's not to love? Every kitchen becomes my own personal buffet. I don't have to worry about what racial, ethnic, religious, etc. group might get pissed off about celebrating the holiday. A few hours of peace and quiet while the women all leave the house before I'm awake on Friday morning. And football. Lots and lots of football.

Football solves so many of the world's problems. It's the best thing ever for dealing with family. Crazy relative wants to tell you about all her medical maladies? "Sorry Aunt Martha, the game's on." Your father nagging you to move out of the basement and get a real job (insert gratuitous blogger joke here)? "Hey dad, can we talk about this when the game's over?" Mom wants to tell how glad she is you could make it home for the first holiday since Grandpa passed away? "You stupid %$%#!!! Why would you call a quarterback draw on 3rd and 12 with less than two minutes left, you dumb ^&*@#$%!!!!"

Yep, it's the perfect holiday. With that, a few football notes.

Time, Time, Time is on Our Side

Somewhere in Baton Rouge Sunday morning, an LSU graduate student was passed out with several empty bottles of vodka sitting on top of the tattered and tear-stained remains of what was supposed to have been his MBA thesis entitled “The Business Applications of Coach Les Miles’ Time Management Principles.”


Way to man up there, coach. Maybe now you can help wash the bus tire tracks off your quarterback.


Separated at Birth

Texas Tech QB Taylor Potts and Obi-Wan Kenobi

Use the Force, Nick.

How to Ruin the Holidays

Pity the poor football fans in San Antonio. The local ABC affiliate, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to air two hours of infomericals and a rerun of Oprah instead of Friday afternoon’s Nebraska/Colorado game. Look, I know there’s not much on the line in this game (Nebraska has already clinched the Big 12 North; Colorado is 3-8). But don’t you think there are more than a few folks in south Texas who are interested in the game? Like, say, Texas fans interested in seeing Nebraska play once before they meet the Longhorns in next week’s Big 12 championship game? And besides, IT’S COLLEGE FREAKIN’ FOOTBALL FOR CHRISSAKES!!! KSAT is reportedly the only ABC affiliate in the country that will not be airing the game. The decision is made even stranger by the fact that the station is preempting its local programming to show the early game, Illinois vs. Cincinnati.

So while you’re enjoying day 2 of your turkey and football coma on Friday while your wife or girlfriend is out shopping, be thankful for how much better you have it than those poor schmucks in San Antonio. [Ed. Note: shortly after this post was written, KSAT decided to reverse course and will show the NU/CU game on Friday. Thanksgiving is saved!]

One is a giant 300 pound freakishly unstoppable force of nature. The other is Ndamukong Suh.

A Season to Forget

Connecticut is currently sitting at 5-5, with all five losses by four points or less. So it's been a tough enough season on the field. But add in the tragic murder of UConn CB Jasper Howard and this year has been the stuff of nightmares. So it was good to see them get arguably one of the program's biggest wins ever on the road over Notre Dame. While most media outlets have been focusing on the game as the final nail in Charlie Weis’ time at Notre Dame, it was good to see UConn pull out a huge overtime win after a very challenging season.

Congrats on the win, Coach Edsall. Here's hoping you never have to go through a season like this again.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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