John McEnroe Has a Going Problem

(Kenny Mayne just has problems.)



People just can't seem to let this guy piss in peace...

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Harry Kalas Calls Springsteen's Grandslam Last Night at the Spectrum

Photo: Ron Ring

As much as we tease Bruce on this site, HHR cofounder Chris Illuminati and I are big fans. (It must be the Jersey in us.)

We attended the Boss' 32nd show at the soon-to-be-defunct Spectrum last night, and were, simply, blown away. You can read CI's recap here.

True fans will tell you there were many memorable moments last night, that featured several songs in which Springsteen dug deep into the playbook for.

One that was totally unexpected was his Thunder Road tribute to recently-departed Philadelphia icon Harry Kalas, that was (even more unexpectedly) preceded by the following Kalas tribute to Springsteen:



Audio from Philly.com via PhillyEDGE.

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FanFoodie.com: Philippe's Los Angeles - An Eatery & An Institution

Philippe’s, an institution in downtown Los Angeles, is known not only for its french dip au jus sandwiches but the atomic hot mustard accessory that is "eat at your own risk."

Located on the backside of downtown in a building that was originally a machine shop on the bottom and an Inn on top, it is the go-to place before Dodger, Laker and Clipper games. They serve beer and wine at a price worth going out of your way for to get your grub and chug on before you tackle the expensive concession stands at game-time.

Read the Rest at FanFoodie.com

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HHR Hugs it Out [4.29.09]

Hungary's Hottest Chicks: Sandra Shine (MoonDog Sports)

We have found the original source of the swine flu (Brahsome)

Popeye's runs out of chicken; Local news get racist (The O.B.)

Top 10 (candy) Drugs We Used As Kids (IIB)

Celebrity Side Boobs (Gunaxin)

Ugly animals out of work (9 to Fried)

Estella Warren Rocking The Greatest Dress In The World (The Beer Goggler)

This weatherman is having a serious personal problem on air. (PWNED Video)

Kentucky’s Best Kept Secret: Ernie Brown Jr. aka The Turtle Man (Strait Pinkie)

Popeye's runs out of chicken??? THE HORROR! (Losers with Socks)

John Daly rocks the Technicolor Vomit line of golfwear (Devil Ball)

Red Sox owner John Henry in Love (Boston Mag)

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HHR at the NFL Draft Classic

We mentioned it earlier, and now we have something a bit better than fuzzy pictures taken on a Blackberry to give you the full NFL Draft Classic experience. A few videos below - with more to come - courtesy of our friend Ben at Beryllium Pictures and Rob of rrbaker.

This first one gives you the best idea of the environment. Sadly I could not get the women with the sparklers to take a moment to discuss the important issues of the day. Which in my mind were the patron shots they were carrying.


When asked what the rookies had to look forward to, I never got an answer like, "They will be treated with the utmost respect and concern for their image." Half the time they would just cackle, and keep their lips tight. Ray Rice at least had advice beyond 'shave your head now because it's gonna get cut anyway, meat.'


This gentleman was probably the most articulate dude in the club. Which is why his well reasoned, logical, and thoughtful answers belong nowhere on this site.


And finally, we have a great montage that shows why I think the Jacksonville Jaguars locker room may be one of the most fun, well-dressed, and 'deceptively' well-read in the NFL. I just realized now that Uche actually says, "Cause the Goose gon' get loose!" at the end. Even with the new unis? That may be too ambitious.


We have more to come, including a very unfiltered Brandon Jacobs as well as Uche himself saying he would give all this up to go to BLOGS WITH BALLS.

All in all a great night, and as someone said to me earlier, "I think I found my Cheers." I've never done the reporter gig before, but aside from the insane hours, the sobriety, and being hated by some of the people who you were there to see, it's all around a good time.

Related question - do I go somewhere to pick up my Pulitzer Prize now or do they just send it to me? I don't want to get stuck with any shipping charges.

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Rowdy Roddy Piper Shock-Proof Vests Becoming A Hot Commodity

On the heels of former NBA All-Star Jayson Williams and Buffalo Bills defensive back Donte Whitner both recently being tasered by local police, never has Hot Rod looked so smart. It was the summer of 1992 on a Saturday Night Main Event when The Mountie attempted to use his shock stick on the Rowdy One, only to find Mr. Piper was indeed "Shock-Proof." If we could all be so lucky.

Photo courtesy of Dave Goldberg

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HHR Hugs It Out [4.28.09]

Cubs Clubhouse Cliques Revealed (NQTC)

Mike Leach at it Again, Continues Pirating Press Coverage (Midwest Sports Fans)

Dexter Fowler: Stealing Our Hearts (Josh Q. Public)

Ass Media (Rumors & Rants)

Tim Duncan Does not Believe in Magic Anymore (The NBA Lottery Pick)

Alex Ovechkin: “Don Cherry, I Will Never Become A Robot” (TPS)

RCS NFL Draft Report Card (RCS)

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1977: The Year of the Pro Slo-Pitch Player

The 70's was a different era. It was a time when a man was a man, and wasn't afraid to flaunt his masculinity.

It was also a time of cockamamie ideas as evidenced by the short-lived and ill-fated American Professional Slo-Pitch League - a startup founded by a gentleman named Bill Bryne that featured a dozen teams, including the manly Pittsburgh Hardhats, Kentucky Bourbons, and perhaps the toughest team of all, the Minnesota Goofy's.

Because I own it, and feel an obligation to share it with loyal HHR readers, I've reached deep into the vault and present you with some excerpts of one of my prized collectables, the 1977 "FIRST ISSUE collector's edition" Pro Softball magazine.




And so, thanks to the wonders of the Internets, the legends of Boom Boom Hutcherson, Candy Man Dillard and Big Dale Palm will live forever, even if the league didn't.

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Bob "Baubby" Knight Does Not Want to Talk About Throwing F*cking Chairs

As some poor Dutch bastards learns, the coach would rather talk about his 900 wins.



See around the 2:20 mark for Bobby being Bobby:

"Let's understand one thing, ok? See you people make too much bullshit out of that, alright? I threw a chair once. You know how many games f*ckin games I won? Over 900. Lets talk about the 900 games instead of the one f*cking chair, how's that?"

H/T: Digital Sports Daily

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Separated at Birth: Access Hollywood

Last night, Lions #1 pick Matthew Stafford went Hollywood doing his best Billy Bush impression on Letterman.

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USC First Rounders Plagued by Facial Pox

Read into this how you will, but I pointed out on Saturday that USC/Texans linebacker Brian Cushing appeared to have an outbreak of chicken pox at Radio City Music Hall on draft day.

He wasn't the only one. Mark Sanchez also appeared to have some sort of pox-like scars on his handsome face.


While Cushing and fellow Trojan backer Clay Matthews were cleared of previously reported failed steroid tests prior to this weekend, one has to wonder what's in the water in Southern California.

With the pandemic scare haunting Mexico and the States, you'd hope NFL team physicians will thoroughly examine their new stars.

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Nick Johnson, The Big Dipper

From DC-based reader "Blue":

"So I was reading about he Nats today and I clicked on Nick Johnson's thumbnail because I was surprised to see that he was still in the majors and didn't retire 3 years ago. Anyways, he has what has to be the most awesomely hilarious official team photo this side of Antonio Alfonseca's extra half-digit. You'll see it right here, but the man is sporting a Dykstra-esque dip the size of a golf ball in his lower lip. Then I looked at his batting average and the dude is hitting .373! I'm on my way to go buy a can of Skoal."

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HHR Hugs it Out [4.27.09]

Meeting Mr. Irrelevant: Ryan Succop (Outside the Box)

I think it's safe to say Andy Pettitte looked ready to kill Jorge Posada (Red Sox Monster)

ESPN Shamelessly Lobbying for Michael Vick (The Camel Clutch)

Your 'Holy sweet Jesus God how did anyone survive that?' NASCAR wreck (From the Marbles)

Top 20 Illustrated Sexual Euphemisms SFW (Banned In Hollywood)

Italian Supermodel + Rocket Science + ZR1 = Stile Bertone Mantide Supercar (The Bachelor Guy)

South Region Sweetest 16: Keeley Hazell(2) vs. Joanna Krupa(6) (Sharapova's Thigh)

Want to See Marisa Miller Nude? (MoonDog Sports)

Larry Johnson as Grandmama (IceIceBabies)

Current Facebook status: Fired (9 to Fried)

Danica Patrick shows off her bikini body for Shape magazine (The World of Isaac)

Megan Fox As A Wild West Prostitute (The Beer Goggler)

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Have I Got a STEAL for You!

Hi there. I'm Jacoby Ellsbury, starting center fielder for the Boston Red Sox and recent stealer of home. As your girlfriend, wife, daughter or closeted son has probably told you, I'm quite an attractive guy. And like all attractive men, there are certain things I have to have in order to accommodate the lifestyle I live - Millions of dollars, my pick of the player's wives/daughters, natural athletic ability, and the land speed of a leopard set aflame. But there is one thing that I can't live without - and neither should you.

I am happy to make available my personal secret - the Jacoby Ellsbury UNDIE-Brella - for a limited time offer of $49.99.

Sometimes (OK, one time) you just want to go from the office to your multi-million dollar condo without having women of all shapes and sizes instinctively throwing their undergarments at you. Since that will never happen, I use the Undie-Brella. Swiss-designed, it protects the bearer from air-delivered thongs, granny-panties, bikini briefs, bras, leggings, panty-hose, and even flannel boxers, while providing unparalleled visibility to navigate in all directions.

If you call in the NEXT THIRTY MINUTES you can order the "Double-Steal" package and have it reinforced to withstand hotel-swipe cards and housekeys thrown from as high as 4 stories.

Don't let THIS happen to you!

I was trapped in this sea of undergarments for at
least three and half hours. I only have myself to blame for showing my abs.

Without my Undie-Brella I was literally covered in women's
clothes from the brief walk between center field and the dugout!

So make sure you call 1-800-UNDY-BRL now. Operators are standing by. All major credit cards accepted. Daughters may be used as collateral. Or just used.

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Rusty Reckons: Goin Nuts

NASCAR is going nuts, and Rusty just might go with them. Not only is this weekend when the infield at the race getting crazier than Mardi Gras, but in case you missed it, there's been a lot of talk about nuts lately in the garage.

[Brace yourself for a lot of bad puns, this week]

Glue, Lug Nuts Create Stick Situation in the Pits

This year, NASCAR's required longer studs on the wheels, and this has thrown a little wrinkle into the competition. The only way to change four tires in under 15 seconds, is by doing it in rhythm. The tire changers on NASCAR teams have the precision and timing with an air gun as Earl Scruggs does with a banjo. The longer wheel studs had thrown this timing off. Imagine, Scruggs trying to pick his banjo with a pitch fork. So, the pit crews are going nuts...


Now, come later today, ole Rusty just might be going nuts. One of the most exciting races of the year is this weekend. The Aaron's 499 in Talladega. Shew boy! Talladega is the biggest rack on the circuit at over 2.6 miles long, and you know what that means . . . restrictor plates and running in the pack. At Daytona (the other plate track) it's about handling, moving through the air, blah blah blah. At 'Dega it ain't nuttin but pure unadulterated speed. They repaved down there in Alabama a few years back, and it's smooth as a baby's bottom, now. The cars literally scream through the corner.

The trick to running and finishing well at 'Dega comes down to 3 things, aero-package, horsepower, and luck. To win in Alabama, you've gotta get your car close down to the ground to force as much air up and over the car to increase the speed. This is harder with the new COT. Second, you've gotta have a lot of horses under the hood. The cars will run wide open; no braking, no down shifting, no nuttin. HAMMER DOWN!!! Lastly, you've gotta have luck. The cars will run in huge packs, and they wiggle around like Rusty in church. If someone messes up, the carnage can be huge. A lot of times it just comes down to being in the right place at the right time, pure and simple.

So, what's all this mean? Who is going to run well? Rusty's got no idea. Some of the regulars will be at the front; the shrub, Jimmie, Jeff, Tony. Other guys who seem to excel at the plate tracks will be up there too, guys like Mikey and June-bug. But in the end, it's really anybody's race. Whoever wins, though, I can guarantee it'll be exciting and a nail biter till the end.

JR Prediction

Well, I'm sure once again you've been anxious to read what ole Rusty the Jr apologist has to say about the latest Junior controversy. Again, if you missed it; at Phoenix, Casey Mears got into Junior, and Junior wrecked. After the finish of the race, Junior turned Mears around as a little payback. Mears then came into the pits and bumped Junior a few times. That was the end of it . . . well, until NASCAR put them on probation. Lucky for both of them probation doesn't really mean anything in NASCAR. It just means they are being watched a little closer. So, what do I think about all that? It's racing, and it's awesome. Junior's not one to get real angry and "act out". He's got a passion for racing, but doesn't always show it in a negative way. I think he's due a slip up from time to time. And you know what? A little passion could be good. They need to get going. Talladega's one of his best tracks. So, maybe with a good track and a little fire in his belly, he'll begin to turn it around. I'm not going to make a prediction, but . . .

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HHR & Yardbarker at NFL Draft Classic

Behold the glory of the Yardbarker microphone. This simple, small, wireless mic is capable of magical powers, enabling he (or she) who holds it to be pursued by athletes, celebrities, and every curious gold-digger within a 15 foot radius. On assignment for Yardbarker, I attended the NFL Draft Classic hosted by Vernon Davis, and as the pictures (and forthcoming video) will show, Vernon was looking to talk to me. Clearly word got to him that I put him on my fantasy team early in his career. I assumed he intended to apologize.

Ha. Kidding.
Sort of. Not really.

Instead, he and his younger brother Vontae, who is a draft pick today but by Sunday night will be an NFL rookie, took time to hang out and talk shop with a scrawny bobbleheaded guy who is pasty white in a way only New England can produce. The fuzzy blackberry pics tell the story for now.

As you can see, Vernon Davis plays cool and acts unaffected by my celebrity status...

Vontae, however - his enthusiasm knows no bounds.

We have lots of video to come - as we were one of only 4 outlets allowed to shoot the inside of the party, so after an early trip out of NYC this morning, we're getting down to editing out all the crap where I keep asking why 3 drinks costs $55 and they only take cash.

But elsewhere in there we talked with players (and a Yardbarker blogger or two) from the Jets (Calvin Pace) the Giants (Brandon Jacobs and Terrence Pennington), the Jaguars, the Ravens, R&B singer Monica, Melyssa Ford, and D Woods from Making the Band (who gets a mention because she's from Springfield, MA and loves the Pats. Melyssa Ford gets a nod because she spent 30 seconds ripping into Patriots and then after realizing I was from Boston, cackled in my face and half-apologized. In that order.).

Aside from the part where she reveled in the Pats Superbowl loss
to the Giants with a mix of glee and sadism, Melyssa Ford was quite lovely.

Stay tuned -we have lots of video to come. Enjoy the draft!

ALSO: A very special thanks (and happy birthday) to Ben at Beryllium Pictures for making the trek and shooting on the last full night of his 20's. I did manage to get a drunk girl to sing happy birthday to him while he filmed, so in a way, it's kind of like he owes me now.

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St. John's Looking For A New Mascot

The St. John's Red Storm, formerly the Redmen, and before that just the Johnnies are looking for a new mascot to accompany the Red Storm name. Some of these options are just hilarious, please feel free to vote on your choice. Personally I like the Thunderbolt with the prefabricated six pack abs.

The bear would also be a hit at MSG.

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Dunbar presents: Derby Talking Points

Handicappers across the country are sending their good sweatpants to the dry cleaners. We are only one week away from the Kentucky Derby! (My restless leg syndrome is in hyperdrive).

Let's get to the talking points so you can stay in the "in" crowd a week longer:

• Betting on I Want Revenge is like spending the night with Megan Fox. You'll either have the greatest time of your life or come away blank-faced, bruised and neutered.
• I always appreciate a sporting event that encourages the consumption of hard liquor. Who wants shots!?
• Did you watch Jockeys on Animal Planet? If Joe Talamo wins the derby, I might shart myself in a moment of tense anger.
• It feels like my head is shrinking faster than Pistons pride studying these Beyer figures.
  

If these don't firmly establish you as the expert in horse racing, get plastic surgery because people don't respect you.


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Movie Review: Tyson

Walking down 34th Street to the theater, I was expecting Notorious with a sprinkle of When We Were Kings. I love Mike like I love Biggie, and looked forward to seeing and hearing them on the big screen, but I know all the plot points so it can't be too great, right?

Then the movie starts. Great opening montage of Mike's first title fight. And on the big screen in surround sound with an audience oohing it's amazing, and I'm like goddamn I've missed seeing him fight.

Then the movie proper starts, and I remember the only thing I miss more than seeing Mike fight is hearing Mike talk.

And that's what we get through the whole film, nothing but archival footage and Mike now reflecting back on his entire life. We never hear an interviewer's question, so it plays like an autobiography mixed over one of boxing's greatest highlight reels. And Mike, who's an executive producer on the film, sounds realer and more comfortable than I ever remember hearing him.

Is it gonna change anybody's mind? I like to think it might if it lures in a few open minds. Somebody's got to see something of what I've always seen in Mike -- something out of epic literature, such savage power and such profound loneliness that I'm this close to launching into Stan Lee's monologue from Mallrats.

So if you go looking for humanity, you'll probably see it. If you go for the fights on a big screen with big sound and an audience, you'll be happy. Or if you just go to snicker at the freak show, you'll get that too.

The film is mostly laid out chronologically -- we start with Mike growing up on the mean streets of Brownville, a fat kid like the young Biggie shocked by the cruelty of strangers who steal his glasses for no reason. The pigeon incident that leads him to his first fight, his first arrest at 12 when he says the cops caught him with $1500 in his pocket.

There's Mike choking up talking about his legendary mentor/trainer Cus D'Amato, but what he can barely keep it together to say is that what he's most grateful for is that Cus got him to the point where he knew no one would ever be able to fuck with him ever again.

Speaking of fucking, the film is probably at its most intense when Mike talks sex. There's no greater feeling in the world than after a long time abstaining from sex finally having sex. His marriage to Robin Givens was nobody's fault, they were just kids. He has some pretty nasty words for Desiree Washington, the woman he was convicted of raping. While he still maintains those charges were false, he says there may have been other women he took advantage of. Later, over footage of him walking alone on a beach, he talks about liking to sexually dominate women and that his favorite thing to say during sex is No.

And still, Mike manages to come off sympathetically. He's got a lot of demons, no doubt, but he does seem to genuinely want to be a good person and a good father to his six kids (including one named Exodus). Personally, I left the theater wondering why HBO or Showtime don't try to give him an analyst gig. Wouldn't that be a dream?

--written by special correspondent David Chalk of Bugs & Cranks who covered the movie on behalf of HHR.


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HHR Hugs it Out [4.23.09]

Sweet PWNED video of a skaters Eblow going the wrong way (PWNed video)

Test your late round NFL draft knowledge (Simon on Sports)

The Hawk of the Atlanta Hawks delays game two (That NBA Lottery Pick)

Drew Carrey at WWE Royal Rumble (Outside the Boxscore)

James Laurinaitis Had An Interesting Childhood (Laddy McFaddy)

12 Tips for Spring Break Scoring (The Bachelor Guy)

Homes of the Rich and Famous (YepYep)

West Region Sweetest 16: Alyssa Milano(1) vs. Denise Milani(5) (Sharapova's Thigh)

Hungary's Hottest Chicks: Anita Pearl (MoonDog Sports)

Lindsay Soto lets her boobies hang (The World of Isaac)

Federica Ridolfi : Sexy Italian WAG (Gunaxin)

Phoebe Cates Is Why You Started Chasing Girls (The Beer Goggler)

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If Mel Kiper worked all year long

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Tale of the Tape: Kiper v. McShay

If you watch as much as ESPN as I do, you have already had your fill of Mel Kiper and Todd McShay. Can we just have the NFL Draft already?

If you are unfamiliar, these two men are the NFL draft experts for ESPN. They spend the entire year memorizing the 40 time of a third string left tackle from the University of Montana.

Kiper has been at this a long time and was the king of the NFL Draft empire. That is, until a few years back when McShay was thrown in the mix.

Now you can see them fight on ESPN pretty much daily - over everything from the top running back available to who will be the next Sean Landeta. Since they are always breaking down people, it's fun to break them down.


-Cadillac Mescallade

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HHR Hugs it Out [4.22.09]

Dustin Pedroia's new, awful commercial (Red Sox Monster)

Funniest Name in the History of the NFL Draft (MidWest Sports Fan)

What NBA players do when they miss the playoffs (NESW Sports)

Low and Slow - 5 Arguments for Using a Slow Cooker (The Bachelor Guy)

Carrie Milbank : The Hockey Show Girl (Gunaxin)

South Region Sweetest 16: Jessica Alba(1) vs. Autumn Reeser(4) (Sharapova's Thigh)

The 30 Worst moments in Athlete Camel Toe (The World of Isaac)

Happy Birthday Anna Falchi (MoonDog Sports)

Martha Stewart used to look like this? (YepYep)

Lindsay Lohan's Boobs Took Her To Buy Glasses (The Beer Goggler)

Dana White is a Hypocrite (Camel Clutch Blog)

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CR Dunbar: Derby in the Air

Back in my glory grade school days, the spring smell in the air meant it was co-ed soccer season. Now a days, it means I will remain cooped up in my cubicle, but I get to fart around for a few minutes researching the Derby. Lucky for you, I have enough time to squeeze off another round of Kentucky Derby talking points.

• Bob Baffert says he is back at the top of his game with Pioneerof the Nile. Interesting case of: you are only as good as the company you keep, as Bode Miller is no where to be seen.
  
• I love the Derby. I get to hear what Jerry O'Connell has been up to for the past year.
  
• Now is when we see owners place horses into the derby even though they have no worthwhile reason to be there, only a distraction. It's like the person fake dry humping a news reporter trying to get attention. Look mom, I'm at the Derby!
  
  
  
  
  
• The horses coming off the synthetic surfaces will have the talking heads barking again this year. Synth causes more doubt on derby horses than US Weekly does for Jennifer Aniston's hope for love. (We're pulling for you, Jen)

Try one of these bad boys on your horse loving boss. He will probably give you a raise on the spot or invite you to watch the Derby at his place where you will both get drunk and he will touch you inappropriately which results in a raise anyway. Win-win.

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When NASCAR Meets Drugstore Romance Novels

...everyone loses.

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Douche-ify Your Kid for $100 Bucks

I have no words.

Watch the video.

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HHR Hugs it Out [4.20.09]

WTF, Carl Pavano? (Yanks go yard)

Mets GM Minaya Displays Shrewd Decision Making Ability, Swaps O’Day For Figueroa And Fossum (Rising Apple)

Atlanta Journal-Constitution Sports Reassignments Defy Common Sense (Eye on Sports Media)

The 10 receivers you want your team to take on Day 2 (The Grand National Championship)

Superman That? …NO! : Sixers plan a Lime Green Out…and, apparently, a rave to jinx Magic (Philly Edge)

An interview with Scottie Pippen (Afro Jacks)

BREAKING! 2009 USC Song Girls Swim Bikini Photos! (Busted Coverage)

Happy Birthday Carmen Electra (MoonDog Sports)

Sexy 420 Girls : Happy Marijuana Day (Gunaxin)

Rick Pitino is in some hot water (The World of Isaac)

Christina Aguilera Is Showing You Her Special Ring (The Beer Goggler)

26-year-old trapped in a 2-year-old’s body (YepYep)

Random Retro Baseball Player: Howard Johnson (Sharapova’s Thigh)

My favorite spam (9 to Fried)

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Giambi on A-Rod, the Yankee Years and the Rocket's Red Balls

Photo: GQ

After an weekend that featured an embarrassing 22-4 loss at the hands of the Cleveland Indians and saw one-time $40 million disappointing pinstriper Carl Pavano pitch 6 innings of 4 hit, 1-run ball before his bullpen gave up a controversial instant replayed homerun to Jorge Posada, another former one-time, high-priced Yank returns to the Bronx tonight.

While few, save Kevin Brown, can match the disappointment that Pavano brought to the Yankees, the December 2001 7-year, $120 million NY signing of Jason Giambi marked the end of the Yankee dynasty lead by workmanlike players such as Paul O'Neil, Bernie Williams and Scott Brosius in favor of exorbitant free agent additions which altered clubhouse chemistry and failed to produce championships while bloating the team's payroll.

That's not to say Giambi failed to produce as a Bomber, as much as to say his career there will be more notably recognized for wearing a slump-busting gold thong and his non-admittance admittance to using performing enhancing drugs, as opposed to furthering the Yankee tradition of excellence.

In a retrospective piece, Oakland's prodigal son spoke with GQ's Nate Penn, author of a 2005 profile on Giambi's steroid revelations, The Cleanup Man, just before the start of this season to talk about, among other things, Torre's book, his Yankee years (including his PED acknowledgment), his return to the A's, A-Rod, and, of course, Roger Clemens' pre-game lubing rituals:

Verducci and Torre also report that a trainer used to apply hot liniment to Roger Clemens’s testicles. Did you ever witness that?
I’ve seen some of it drip onto his balls. He lubes. I’ve never seen a guy wear more hot shit on the planet. The guy’s basically in a jock and a pair of socks and like head to toe in hot shit. That’s no bullshit.

Have you tried it yourself?
No, I would fucking cry. The stuff that he used to put on his body—even his hot tanks were like molten lava. He would get in the hot tank before the games, and it was like a cauldron. One time I put my foot in there, my skin almost fell off my foot, it was so hot.

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Getting down and Derby

The Kentucky Derby prep season for all intents and purposes comes to a close this weekend. That means it's time for another round of talking points to help those that have lacked study time the opportunity to join water cooler conversations with the cool guys and pick up your future ex-wife at the bar:

• I Want Revenge is running hotter than Vanessa Hudgens in a sun dress. You're going to have to put him in your exotics, like I would put Hudgens in my exotic (make curve motions with hands and torso).
• Old Fashioned blew out his knee and still came in second down in Arkansas, more balls than Garnett. Too bad it cost him the Derby, but at least he didn't give his boss a heart attack.
• If the Derby was this weekend, and I was looking to hit it big, I would hit up Fresian Fire. He has a fire and itch in his loins more potent than Lindsey Lohan.
• Papa Clem jumped on the scene with the win in Arkansas. But, I'm concerned about his ability to handle the Derby as much as I'm concerned for the co-eds at Florida International with Isiah patrolling the sidelines.

If one of these talking points succeeds in raising your stock at the office or gets you laid, please post in the comments section thanking HHR with the tone of an Old Spice Commercial.

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US Olympic Hall Of Fame 2009 Nominees Unveiled

Well you've all been waiting for it and now the time has finally arrived. The voting is open for the 2009 class of the US Olympic Hall of Famepresented by Allstate.

Why should you vote? To ensure that the 1992 dream team goes unimpeded into the Hall of Fame. Their induction, much like their games back in Barcelona, should be no contest.

Also to ensure that HHR friend and Men's Olympic Team Head Water Polo Coach Terry Schroeder gets selected. For those that don't know Schroeder he is a four time Olympian, won two Silver Medals as a player, and returned as coach to lead the boys to a Silver last year in China. Ladies, if you need more incentive remember this man is the model for the bronzed statue outside the LA Coliseum.

I rest my case.

Vote early and often, think of it like brushing your teeth, something you should everyday at least once.

VOTE HERE

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Breaking the Slump: Q&A with Author and NBC Golf Analyst Jimmy Roberts

With 11 Emmy Awards, a Golf Writers Association of America award and coverage of 10 Olympic Games to his credit, Jimmy Roberts has been serving as a key figure in NBC's golf coverage since 2000.

In his book Breaking the Slump: How Great Players Survived Their Darkest Moments in Golf--and What You Can Learn from Them (released last month), Roberts intimately profiles 17 of the game's icons (as well as a former leader of the Free World), and discusses the physical and mental tolls of the sport and the adjustments they've made to overcome them throughout their notable careers.

Roberts' access and insight allows for candid conversation with individuals whose insights transcend the greens and fairways. We caught up with Roberts to discuss the book and what we can take away from it.

HuggingHaroldReynolds: Throughout the book there are two recurring themes. The first being the players' mental states. The other being their making physical adjustments to offset their course troubles. How are they related and how do you compare the two?

Jimmy Roberts: I'm not sure there's any sport where the mental element plays such a large role as it does in golf. That might be because there's so much time to think about what you've done right and wrong. If the average round of golf is 4-1/2 hours ... we spend roughly 18 minutes actually standing over the ball. The rest of the time we spend walking (or riding) and thinking. Without a level of mental comfort, I can't imagine any elite player could exercise mastery over the game no matter HOW dialed in their swing might be. On the other hand, you could be at peace with a horrific swing, and that's not going to work either. I think the physical element is more important, but listening to all these successful people, I get the idea that a good swing is only going to take you so far.

HHR: Would you say that the stories of the individuals you told were as much a metaphor for life as they were insights into the game of golf?

JR: I started out to write a golf book and at some point -- I don't exactly know when it was -- I realized that it wasn't only that, but it was a book about how successful people handle adversity. George H.W. Bush says that the way we handle our challenges on the golf course is often the way we handle our challenges in life. Paul Azinger had Cancer. Ben Crenshaw got divorced. Phil Mickelson almost lost his wife and son in childbirth. While these examples might not be metaphors for life, all of these great players had to battle back from these -- the same type of issues that effect ordinary people everyday.

HHR: How would you compare golf slumps to those in other sports?

JR: Often similar, but the difference is, for the most part, we don't play baseball or basketball for as long as, or to the extent we play golf. One interesting thing I stumbled accross while doing interviews for the book though...when Labron James felt he was struggling with his outside shooting and free throws, he turned to Bob Rotella, a man known primarily as a GOLF psychologist.

HHR: You've had the opportunity to cover, as well as play a round or two, with some of the biggest names the sport has ever known. At any point, with the risk of sounding somewhat unprofessional (we'll give you a pass), do you ever sit back as a fan in awe of the company? Who most bowled you over?

JR: I'm always in awe of their talent ... mostly becasue i know first hand how hard the game is, but I long ago got over the awe of being in the company of these people. It's just what happens when you do this for a while. There was and continues to be one exception: spending time with George Bush (both 41 and 43) is a little sobering. No matter your political leanings, here's the fact: the president of the United States is likely the single most powerful person on earth. If that doesn't awe you, nothing will.

Photo: Golf Digest

HHR: It seems that in every chapter and player profile, the name "Tiger Woods" couldn't go without being mentioned. We have all heard just about every accolade that could possibly be laid upon the man. Specifically when speaking with his competition, though, is there a sense that even they recognize his superiority, or, psychologically, would that be too mentally taxing to be able to compete with him if they hold him in such high regard?

JR: We may all marvel at Tiger Woods accomplishments and gush about his talent, but we're just hackers. It's the people who can really play who have the truest appreciation for what the man can do. I do think there are a large number of players who are awed by his talent and it thus puts them at a competitive disadvantage.

HHR: What were you able to take away from your work on the book that you hadn't already known?

JR: After walking away from all the discussions I had to research the book, I think I came away with a renewed appreciation for the importance of confidence in everything we do. As David Duval said: "At all costs, protect your confidence."

Photo: BBC

HHR: Many of our readers are likely happy to break 100. For those who leisurely enjoy the game, what advice do you have for them to, at the very least, improve what little game they have?

JR: Player after player talked to me about the importance of the fundamentals. Ben Crenshaw told me that the one thing all golf instructors agree on is the importance of having a good grip. If you do nothing else, pay attention to your grip and your setup.

HHR: Phil Mickelson, in my opinion, seems to have one of the better outlooks on the sport, specifically as a profession. When you reach the level that your subjects have, does the idea that golf is "just a sport" diminish? At any point does it become simply unenjoyable to any of the professionals?

JR: Just my opinion -- that's to say, not what i've been told-- but I think those who play the game at the highest level live in two different worlds. On the one hand, who better than these people can appreciate the precision and beauty of a perfectly executed shot? Who could possibly enjoy this game more? But play as much as they do, and for the stakes they do, and at some point, golf becomes a grind. Look, it's not the same for them as it is for us in many ways. Who among us doesn't sleepwalk through certain parts of our workday, no matter how appealing others might think our job might be.

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HHR Hugs it Out [4.15.09]

10 Annoying People At The Airport (YepYep)

Audrina Patridge Dismisses Plastic Surgery Rumors (MoonDog Sports)

NHL playoffs - Win 50 bucks for predicting Stanley Cup winner (Cuzoogle)

Top Ten Midgets (Gunaxin)

Tiffany Brookes & Karlie Montana Are Perfect Sleepover Buddies (The Beer Goggler)

Extreme Fun with Sheep (The Bachelor Guy)

I have a dream…about Playboy girls (The World of Isaac)

2 Legit 2 Quit Athletes: Where Are They Now? (In Game Now)

The Votes Are In…We heart Swish (Yanks Go yard)

10 least romantic gifts (Ask Men)

This kid knows how to rock, eat (Blog of Hilarity)

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Doc Gooden Has "(Uh) At Least Six Kids"

Dwight Gooden, by all accounts, has turned his life around after having a career derailed by off-field transgressions.

This morning on WFAN's Boomer and Carton show, he talked frankly about his career, his drug use and even his endorsement of a certain little, blue performance enhancer.

As he is frequent to do with big name guests, Craig Carton invited Doc over for a little July 4th BBQ/pool party. To which Gooden noted he'd be happy to come but would have to bring "the rest of my kids. I have (uh) at least six kids and one grandkid."



You can listen to the full interview here.

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5 Caught Stealing Beer Fart and Blood-Stained Stadium Seats

Around 3 AM last night, 5 men between the ages of 18-19 broke into Lincoln Financial Field and unbolted a seat "from Section 108 (possibly Row 30, Seat 1)" and a five-foot sign from a souvenir stand.

All five were arrested and "appeared to be sober."

This reminds me of witnessing a guy with an allen wrench trying to unbolt a seat during the last regular-season Eagles game at the Vet. When I reminded him that the team would be hosting playoff games there, and the Phillies still had a season to play, he threatened to bash my skull in with said wrench for being a "meddler."

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The Bubbly Ones Love HHR

Yardbarker asked all the lovely ladies at Playboy's celebrity golf scramble about their favorite sports blogs, and here's what they had to say...

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HHR Hugs it Out [4.14.09]

Pictures of Chad Campbell's hot wife (The World of Isaac)

Midgets Vs. Mascots: Win Pre-Screening Party Tix & Movie Poster Signed by Scottie Pippen & Gary Coleman (The Bachelor Guy)

Remembering The Fab 5 Female Pop Stars of 2000 (YepYep)

Kelly Brook Is Hotter Than High Noon In Death Valley (The Beer Goggler)

Abi Titmuss is living proof that sex sells (Gunaxin)

Andy Roddick to Wed Brooklyn Decker (MoonDog Sports)

Baseball Will Never Sound The Same Again For Me (Sports Radio Interviews)

Dwight Howard and Hedo give Patrick Ewing a Cup Check, Video (NESW Sports)

Fake People Recreate The "Hines Ward Rule" Block (PSAMP)

Best Sports Blog Name Tourney: The Finals (Zoner Sports)

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Mexico Pissed About Being Stereotyped as Short, Stocky Wrestlers

Funny commercial, no? Think again, racist pig.

The spot for the "Texican" ("The taste of Texas with a little spicy Mexican") has prompted Mexico's ambassador to Spain to write a letter to "Burger King's offices in that nation objecting to the ad and asking that it be removed. Jorge Zermeno told Radio Formula that the ads "improperly use the stereotyped image of a Mexican.""

Something tells me this would not be an acceptable option either...

This, however...perfectly acceptable.

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Isiah Back In Action

The New York Daily News is reporting this afternoon what has been rumored for the last couple of days: Isiah Thomas is the new Head Coach of men's basketball at Florida International. While some may feel this is rock bottom for Thomas, I think this is a good move for him. He needed to get out of the spotlight and out of a big-time situation where he was counted on to come through on the grandest of scales. Expectations will be much lower at FIU where, in a one-bid conference, just getting to the NCAA tournament will be a huge accomplishment. Based in the Sun Belt Conference, the school in basketball circles might best be known for producing Raja Bell or Carlos Arroyo (stump your friends with that trivia).

By no means do I give him a pass on nearly destroying my favorite team - the New York Knicks - but now that they seem to have things going in the right direction, I can back off my grudge with Isiah. This latest move officially removes him in all facets from the Knicks franchise, and that is a great feeling. Why do I think FIU or any mid-major college is a good stop for Isiah? I think Isiah is well-suited for the position of college coach. Say what you want about his decisions as a general manager, but the one thing the guy could always do was evaluate talent, something that is a great asset as a college recruiter. Secondly, he is has that smile. That smile will win over potential boosters and supporters of the program. Lastly, he is Isiah Thomas, and while he piloted train wrecks in Toronto, Indiana, the CBA, and New York, before all of that he was a heck of a player and that - possibly, hopefully - should resonate with recruits who don't have the juice to cut it at a higher level.

I know college hoops just ended, but I am looking forward to next season to see that smile patrolling the sidelines, on those road trips to Louisiana-Lafayette and other southeastern stops that never made your college tour. It will also be nice to see him square off against another New York City castoff in Mike Jarvis who is holding it down at Florida Atlantic. Regardless, Isiah is back, whether you wanted it or not.

-Posted by Cadillac Mescallade

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