Friday, January 29, 2010

Telling it Like He Sees It: NY Gov. Paterson Criticizes Jets "Defensive Backcourt" on The View


The Guv to guest host Tim Hasselbeck, and I quote: "You switched jobs with your wife today. I was thinking that um if maybe some of the members of the Jets defensive backcourt switched wives with their Jets last Sunday, the Jets will be in the Superbowl right now."

Yes, switch wives with their Jets.

Update: It appears Hulu put the kaibosh on our embedding. You can see the clip here (Guv's comments at the 24:18 mark - which should be the start point once video loads).




Quite the cunning linguist.


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Thursday, January 28, 2010

NFL Owns "Dat"

In its quest to own more than just the healthiest years of its employees, the NFL is claiming it owns the Intellectual Property rights to the popular/annoying "Who Dat" phrase associated with the Superbowl bound Saints. This is the first time the words "intellectual" and "who dat" have been used in the same sentence.

According to Above the Law:

...Regardless of who started it, the fans themselves adopted it as their own. The fans gave it meaning, the fans gave it value, but now the NFL and the Monisteres are trying to glom onto that value — predictably, only when the team is good. I don’t remember hearing anything from the Monisteres or the NFL when the Saints were 3 - 13 and Mike Ditka traded away an entire draft for a pothead running back.

It’s just not cool. But, it might well be legal:

Loyola Law School intellectual property professor Ray Arieaux said the ownership of ‘Who Dat’ may be a gray area.

“Is there some unfair trade taking place because maybe the public does associate that with the Saints? The question is what does the public associate with ‘Who Dat,’” Arieaux asked.


Check out what the local TV has to say:



The NFL has gone so far as to prevent retailers from selling clothing that says "Who Dat." What's amazingly lucky for the NFL is that they decided this was a real issue only 2 weeks ago - coincidentally right before the Saints were to lay waste to an inferior Cardinals team and head to an NFC Championship/home game. Considering the NFC Championship garnered an incredible 57 million viewers (roughly 20% of the American population), all of whom were exposed to the allure of "Who Dat" and are now rooting for the beleaguered franchise/city, it's really an amazing case of miraculous timing for the NFL. A bit of serendipity if you will.


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Waiting For Godunk: SLAMOnline

Congrats to HHR blogger Kevin Owens who is now writing at SLAM Online.

Keep up with him and his quest to land a contract.

This week: Still Waiting.


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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Blogs With Balls Radio, Episode 18


This week’s Blogs With Balls Show on the JoeSportsFan Radio Network is now available.

Download Episode 18 here, or subscribe via iTunes.




Today we celebrate the godliness of New Orleans Saint Tracey Porter.

And are reminiscent of Calvin Pace's early words of praise to us for Rex Ryan.

HHR @ NFL Draft Classic - Calvin Pace and the Defensive Mastermind from HHR on Vimeo.

Shifting gears from NFL playoff and Super Bowl talk, we bring on guest Lang Whitaker, executive editor at SLAM Magazine, columnist at Hawks.com and author of a forthcoming memoir on Bobby Cox and growing up a Braves fan.


Lang talks about the unique relationship the magazine was able to develop with the NBA's biggest stars and teams.

As someone who dabbles and excels in and on so many platforms, Lang brings insight to how writing in general is affected by the immediacy of the Internet age:

"The more you write online, the better a writer it makes you. You learn to deal with immediate reactions from people. You understand what the audience looks for in stories...But at the same time, I learned a long time ago you cant 100% give in to what people want you to do. At some point you stay true to yourself and you hope the audience likes what you're doing."
Keep an eye out for Searching for Bobby Cox, due out February 2011, which is a Julie and Julia-esq memoir of lessons Lang's "learned about life by watching Bobby Cox managing the Braves."

This week's links of interest:


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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Kobama & Khlobaba at Lakers White House Ceremony






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Mush in Chief? President Pulling for the Saints (Video)

In the weeks leading up to the last three major high-profile statewide elections, President Obama made public pitches for Democrats Creigh Deeds in Virginia, Jon Corzine in New Jersey and Martha Coakley in Massachusetts - each went on to stunning defeats.

This week, the leader of the free world threw himself onto the Who Dat bandwagon.

Sorry, Saints fans.

"I think both teams are terrific. I guess I'm rooting a little bit for the Saints as the underdog. Partly just because, you know, when I think what's happened in New Orleans over the last several years and how much that team means to them, I'm pretty sympathetic."




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Who Dat: The Mix Tape


Just prior to the playoffs, nola.com posted an embedded list with downloadable Saints-inspired songs including such hits as Sick Like Sinatra's "About the Saints," BlackCa$h and Vankese's "Hi-5 Saints Song" and my personal favorite, Dee 1's "Drew Brees." The list, updated yesterday, now boasts over 75 tracks.

Enjoy, 'Nawlins.

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Monday, January 25, 2010

Cadillac Mescallade: A Dream Realized


A sports dream was realized on Sunday evening when the New Orleans Saints clinched a spot in their first ever Super Bowl with an overtime victory over the Minnesota Vikings. The resiliency of an area ravaged not long ago by Hurricane Katrina finally cemented in the sports world with a legitimate victory. A true trophy to go along with all the moral and inspirational victories that have been piled up in recent years, and it's wonderful. Of all my teams, including the Knicks and the Mets, it was the Saints that seemed forever doomed to achieve something in the postseason. This year started off tremendously with a 13-0 beginning, but then three straight losses prior to the playoffs had the "Who Dat" nation a bit nervous.

After dispatching of the Arizona Cardinals, the Saints were in a spot similar to 2006, only this time, they won that NFC Title game and the impossible has been realized. Often cited as the worst team of all time in the NFL the Saints have gotten out of the proverbial cellar. They are no longer part of the trivia question of teams that have never been to a Super Bowl or those that never hosted an NFC Championship Game.

Anyone that has rooted for a team through thick and thin can truly appreciate what it is when a team finally gets over a huge hurdle. I know this isn't a Super Bowl Championship but for those that have rooted for teams that were mired in years of losing, it's all the more enjoyable. Nothing against what franchises like the Cowboys and Yankees have done, but there is just something extra special about getting to the promised land when it's been anything but your birthright.

There have been wonderful highs and great memories of Saints football over the last 15 years that I think of fondly. From a Jim Everett jersey on Christmas morning to the excitement of Ricky Williams on draft day, Mario Bates and Michael Haynes to the toppling of the then champion Rams and the fumble recovery of Brian Milne, the mobility of Aaron Brooks, the consistency of Joe Horn, and powering runs of Deuce McAllister. Reggie Bush's somersault TD against the Bears and Brees record setting 2008, all leading up to this past Sunday. Finally this New Orleans franchise and this city that's forever been waiting to have a hometown sporting event to compliment their endless party atmosphere has their day in the sun.

I'm routinely asked to explain my fanhood of the New Orleans Saints. In the lean years it was answering "why?" and in seasons like this, it's been fighting off "frontrunner" talk. Where did the Saints come from, living in the Northeast? It was a chance when teams were being decided to root for the underdog and for the team nobody cared about. The Jets, Giants, Bills, and Eagles were all spoken for among my friends, and the Saints were the equivalent of buying low, with the hopes of one day selling high.

Well, years removed from receiving that #17 jersey (which I still have), today we are offered the chance to sell very high, I think I'll hang tight, besides there is still some work to be done. Geaux Saints!


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Saturday, January 23, 2010

McGwire's Dealer Lands Money Quote of the Steroid Era

Curtis Wenzlaff on ESPN's "Outside the Lines":

"Will it help you hit a baseball? Let me put it to you this way. If Paris Hilton was to take that array, she could run over Dick Butkus."




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Friday, January 22, 2010

NJ.com Dives Into the Inevitable Sanchez-Namath "Stud" Comparison


From the site's New York Jets Fan Zone:

This comparison is inevitable, isn't it? Hall of Fame Jets quarterback of the 1960s and 70s, Joe Namath vs. hot-shot current Jets' QB Mark Sanchez. Namath won the Jets' only Super Bowl against the very team Sanchez is preparing to face on Sunday - the Colts - in a game tied with the 1998 AFC Championship game as the biggest Jets game since that Super Bowl III win in January 1969. So let's examine the records closely and determine who is the Ultimate Jets' Stud QB.

Criteria is as follows:
  • Pre-pro hype
  • Caught on tape
  • Eligible bachelor status
  • Sexy shoots
  • Talkin' the talk
  • Rookie year
  • Facial hair

You can read the post here.

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Too Soon?

Whenever someone fall out of the back of a pickup truck, is it too soon to assume "Chris Henry's Fiance" was driving?

video

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Thursday, January 21, 2010

"Show me Your Butt": Wii Fit Girl Gets Tosh.0'ed

Who could forget the phenomenon that was "Wii Fit Girlfriend?"



The "unsuspecting" lass was filmed by her horndog beau working out in her skivvies on the gaming consule only to attract 9 million+ views on YouTube.

She apparently has embraced her online celebrity and even has a webpage in which you can actually purchase the game that made her famous, and an aptly named Twitter account, "@wiifitgirl."

Last night on Comedy Central, Daniel Tosh, um, caught up with her.

Tosh.0
Wii Fit Girl
www.comedycentral.com
Web Redemption2 Girls, 1 Cup ReactionDemi Moore Picture


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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Olympics Warning: Canadians May Kill You


Olympic air space could be defended with lethal force.

The Vancouver Sun reports, "The Canadian Forces are ready to exercise "lethal force" in a worst-case scenario to defend new air space security restrictions being imposed during the 2010 Olympic Games."

Watch your ass, cowboy.

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Blogs With Balls Radio, Episode 17

This week’s Blogs With Balls Show on the JoeSportsFan Radio Network is now available.

Download Episode 17 Here.




This week we focus on sports fans and are joined by not one, but two very special guests.

First, we talk with Hollywood royalty - actor Scott Caan, son of James and admittedly most known for his roll as Tweeder in Varsity Blues. (This is actually the second person from the film we have had on the show, having talked with director Mike Tollin back in October).

Scott is one of the official spokespeople for Monster.com's NFL Fandemonium initiative.



For the second year, "Monster and the NFL have teamed to find the DOF, this year expanding the promotion to allow fans to participate in deciding who becomes the next Director of Fandemonium. The DOF promotion inspires the most zealous football fans to compete for the dream “job” of serving as a fan ambassador for Monster and the NFL with special access at a series of marquee events throughout the 2010 NFL season."

The events in which the new DOF will have the opportunity to play a key role include:

  • NFL Draft: Announce a pick at the 2010 NFL Draft (April 2010)
  • NFL Kickoff: Act as backstage talent wrangler at the 2010 NFL Kickoff concert (September 2010)
  • NFL International Series: Participate in on-field introductions at the 2010 International Series Game (October 2010)
  • NFL Thanksgiving: Serve as an on-field broadcast liaison for the NFL Network 2010 Thanksgiving Game (November 2010)
  • NFL Super Bowl: Join the coin toss ceremony at Super Bowl XLV (February 2011)
  • NFL Pro Bowl: Select a play from the sidelines during the 2010 Pro Bowl (January/February 2011)
  • Publish blog posts on NFL.com and meet with top NFL executives

You can vote for the DOF by clicking here.

We talk with Scott about his involvement with the program, his career and his own athletic upbringing.

Next we are joined by former Clinton White House, Congress staffer David Goodfriend who heads up the bi-partisan sports fan advocacy group, Sports Fan Coalition (SFC). The SFC is the American sports fan’s advocate in the Washington, D.C. public policy arena and around the country for a fair return to the fans for public resources used in sports; and fair access to sporting events at the game and in the media.

With David we talk about how and why it started, what its focus is, and who is it comprised of. We also discuss specific issues the coalition is addressing including the Comcast/NBC merger and blackouts, specifically in regard to how these things directly affect fan and whether the Coalition (as an extension of fans themselves) have real power in affecting the outcome of business decisions and public policy.

Goodfriend is also co-host of "Left Jab" on XM Satellite Radio and was a co-founder and EVP/General Counsel of Air America Radio.

This week's links of interest:




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Waiting For Godunk: The Tall Guy Rules & Talkin' Turkey


My name is Kevin Owens and I have been playing professional basketball for the past six years. I decided to start a blog documenting my daily life. I have a degree in journalism and haven't written anything since college, so I figured why not. I don't particularly think I am that interesting, however when telling people about the traveling circus that is my life, they seem very entertained. I'll be contributing some of those stories once a week here at HHR. You can also now catch me on Twitter @Waiting4Godunk. Hope you enjoy!

------

I have some interesting news this week…

But first, yesterday, my wife and I took a trip to New York City. It was an enjoyable experience. While my wife had a meeting, I went into the only place in The Big Apple that I am familiar with; The Heartland Brewery. This has become my go-to spot in the city, considering my past three visits all included a stop here. They brew an amazing selection of beers, as well as serve a fine selection of food.

All in all it was a great trip. I watched an exciting Knicks-Pistons game, and I only hit my head on the subway once. Now I am used to hitting my head on a daily basis. The world is not meant for people of my stature, but when I hit my head in a crowded place I get fairly annoyed. The reason for my annoyance is because there is no cool way to hit your head. Here are my rules on head hitting…
  1. The first thing you do is lie. “What?...my head?...No that was my foot hitting the door.” (Unfortunately everyone in the entire train saw me grimace and grab my dome immediately after, so that won’t work.)
  2. Next you try the shocked look, like the inanimate object that has been in the same spot for years, suddenly threw itself at my unsuspecting head. (“I wonder when they installed this handle jutting out of the ceiling. Must have been shortly after the concept of engineering was discovered.”)
  3. After that, survey the scene. (Everyone on the train was looking in my direction. A few even grimacing in pain like they were the ones who nearly lost consciousness.)
  4. My final rule is acceptance. When you can no longer hide the fact that you are a walking time bomb, it is better to just grin and bear it. In baseball, when you get hit with a pitch, it is guy law not to rub it. Same goes for head hitting, it is better to gain equilibrium, take your seat, and quietly whisper to your wife that you may have a concussion.
Ok Ok…I know. I get it. Onto the news already! Nobody cares about your tall guy handbook. Point taken.

So, Tuesday I received a text from my agent telling me that a team in Turkey was interested. He told me to check my email. When I opened my hotmail account, I saw a forwarded message from a representative of the team with a provisional offer. After quickly Googling what provisional meant, I perused the offer some more. The money looked good, so I decided to accept.

I called my agent and told him to sign me up. He asked me when I would be able to leave. On the offer, I noticed they wanted me there ASAP. So I told him I could be ready the following day. He said he would pass along the information and we would know more in a few hours. We exchanged pleasantries and I started the process of packing everything I would need for the next three months.

First thing I usually do is make a list. This entails all the people I have to talk to, all the items I must buy and all the things I must pack before I leave. I then called my wife, telling her that she no longer has to watch sports every night since I will be in Turkey. Then I got to work making sure I took care of everything on my checklist.

After accomplishing some of the things on my list, I went to the gym to workout and shoot. It was during this time, nearly five hours since I had contact with my agent, that I began wondering what the deal was. After my workout I taught two basketball lessons and headed home. At that point I figured it was time to figure out what the H-E double hockey sticks was going on.

I suddenly had a Déjà vu moment. See, in early October, I had a very similar situation occur. I was sent an offer from a team in Sweden that progressed in a similar way. I received the offer early in the morning and by the following evening, the deal was off. Hopefully when I wake up in the morning I will have a travel itinerary waiting for me in my inbox.

This is the life of a professional basketball player. When a deal comes along you say goodbye to your house and your family to travel to a country you have never been to before. It’s kind of like being a spy without the nice suit and fancy gadgets.

So now again I am waiting. This time waiting for an offer that hopefully won’t get retracted.


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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

AskMen.com's Top 99 Most Desirable Woman of 2010: Erin Andrews should thank her Peeping Tom


Always a hot topic among the lonely and people that still hang hot chick posters in their bedrooms, AskMen.com unleashed it's Top 99 Most Desirable Woman of 2010 today. We can sit here all day and debate who is hotter and blah blah but frankly we'd all bang whoever ended up coming in at 100 and even the dude who took her photos. We're just that hard up.

The most fascinating name, just because it's so high on the list, is sideline sexpot Erin Andrews.

I've never been a rider on the Andrews train. I will admit she is an attractive woman but number 14? Of all the women in the world, Andrews is in the top 20? I'm thinking her hotel room dance routine at the Marriott Nashville had something to do with her high ranking.

I've said it on numerous occasions, mostly to bums on the street who love a good hot chick debate, the best thing that ever happened to Andrews was that tape. It made her a name in pop culture. It got her on Oprah. She now passes the dad litmus test. If my dad knows you, you're famous.

"Dad, who is Erin Andrews?"
"She one of the Andrews sisters?"
"No, try again"
"Give me a hint"
"Peephole."
"Oh that broad from ESPN."

Well, whatever, on behalf of myself and the Jergins lotion people, congrats to Andrews and all the ladies in the top 99. It's gonna be a long night.

Click here for Ask Men's Top 99 Most Desirable Woman of 2010

Chris Illuminati is a regular HHR contributor and an a-hole.


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Friday, January 15, 2010

Dunbar the Dutch's Weekend NFL picks

After bruising assumptions of the NFL Defensive Player of the Year being able to slowdown a Boldin-less offense and Carson Palmer being able to throw a football, I am coming back like a spider monkey to make this weekend's picks.

Chargers over Jets - when one of the major storylines is that Sanchez is going to have friends and family at the game, it's time to go with the professional team rather than the kid trying to prove something to his dad and impress the girl with big cans.

Arizona over Saints
- Saints are going to win this game, but by 7 points? That's looser than the moral standards during the NBA All-Star weekend.

Ravens over Colts - I'm on the rusty trombone train here with the Colts. It always gobbles up one team and with a rookie head coach playing the instrument, the Ravens are going to give them more than a hand full.

Vikings over Cowboys - if Favre goes with the gameplan and hands the ball to AP, they will be fine. Otherwise, go with the over on how many interceptions will be thrown.

Another weekend of acting like a sea otter by eating and drinking off my belly.



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Canucks Kill (Steve Nash's) Arts

Before & After

Just like in high school, jocks are putting art lovers in their pace. Only this time, one of their own is caught in the whirlwind and the artists are fighting back.

In preparation for the upcoming Winter Games, the City of Vancouver has painted over a series of murals that were commissioned by the Steve Nash Foundation in 2007.

Artists, of course, decided to "retaliate" by stenciling messages over the now blue-painted walls.

We haven't seen this kind of public tit-for-tat since the DickChicken/Pussy Ham War of 2009.

We'll have Assassin Avenue keep an eye out for more as this battle rages on.


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Thursday, January 14, 2010

Waiting for Godunk: Bigger, Stronger, Faster


I was driving home listening to my Philadelphia sports radio station 610 WIP, as I do religiously everyday, and I heard the reports that Mark McGwire admitted to taking steroids. The first thought that went through my mind was “No Sh*t.” I am an enormous baseball fan and when I see guys put up over seventy home runs I can’t help questioning their workout routines. The entire steroid issue is one that has annoyed me from the start. Coming from a guy who has worked so hard to fight genetics and become strong enough to compete on a professional level, I am truly bothered by it.

Steroids and baseball have been synonymous throughout my playing career, but I am sure that it might be fairly common in my sport as well. I have played against a few guys that I definitely questioned how they became so strong, fast, and athletic so quickly. In a game where athleticism seems to be favored more than intelligence (I’m the latter.), a guy who is suddenly blessed with these traits might stand to make a lot of money.

For me, steroids never really crossed my mind. Mainly because I am seven feet and don’t know if my heart could take it. I would much rather go through life skinny with working genitalia, than be huge and dead. Although, looking back on my career now, I sometimes wonder if I had taken it when I was in the D-League…and not died, could I have made it to the NBA? If I was bigger and stronger than Reggie Evans, could I have made him my bitch as opposed to the other way around? Regardless, I am happy with doing it the old fashioned way.

I would be lying if I said I never had any help bulking up. I have been trying different supplements for a few years, figuring out the right fit. (Don’t worry, I am always reading labels looking for banned substances considering I go to the same Vitamin Shoppe that got JC Romero suspended for fifty games.) My first experience with supplements came in high school. I came home from school and saw my brother drinking a chocolate protein shake. He explained to me how the protein makes you stronger. That and the fact that it looked like a milkshake sold me. Unfortunately back then, my brother was a little possessive about his things, so I was told I could not try it. That night I crept downstairs to taste it for myself.

Now during this time my brother was significantly taller than me. He grew steadily throughout his childhood, while I developed in a more choppy way. We recently watched a home movie of us growing up and had it not been for my brother’s girly prepubescent voice, I would have assumed he was my dad. Anyway, the reason I mention this is because my brother used to hide things from me on top of the cabinets. So when I reached up to grab the protein I ended up knocking over the entire tub. Only when I flipped on the kitchen light did I see the extent of the mess I had just made.

Protein dust was scattered all over the floor and counters. Knowing that this would surely lead to an ass-kicking I began sweeping up the evidence. When I took a sample out for me to taste I noticed over half the container was empty. I decided to do what any other frightened little brother would do. I swept the floor protein back into the canister. With the evidence of my crime cleaned up, I was all set to try my first ever protein shake. It was not what I was expecting. It tasted like what I imagine paper would taste like in its liquid form. I quickly spit it out, dumped the rest and went back to bed not as strong as I had hoped for.

In college I finally decided it was time to put on weight. I’m not sure if it had to do with my weakness on the court, or the bird chest I was showing off to anyone who wandered in the gym during a pick up shirts versus skins game. Regardless I went to GNC to figure out a way to find some of these muscles I heard so much about.

I started off with some creatine. I would have to “load it” into my system with a cramp inducing four daily doses. I wish someone told me that protein builds muscle back then, might have sped up the process. I kept at this routine till I started working out with a former pro basketball player. He told me about a new protein that tasted great and worked well called Muscle Milk. I started taking that as well as some whey protein and the muscles started growing.

The biggest problem I have during the season is weight loss. Most athletes can go through a season and only lose a few pounds. I on the other hand lose drastic amounts of weight. Even when I am eating right I still walk away at the end of the season at least 25 pounds lighter. It wasn’t till I got to New Zealand and met my trainer Gavin, that I found the way to keep weight on. Gavin was a former British military man, who now is a physical therapist, but in my opinion should be a strength coach. I learned so much from him about keeping muscle on. I also participated in my first “300 Workout” with Gavin and Nick Horvath. The 300 Workout is a workout made famous by the men who trained the actors in the movie 300.

I am now hoping to play again in the New Zealand NBL in hopes of reuniting with Gavin and Nick and finding some new insane workout routines. Hopefully between my agent and I calling around New Zealand we can make it happen. It was by far the most beautiful place I have ever had the pleasure of visiting.


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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Blogs With Balls Radio, Episode 16

This week’s Blogs With Balls Show on the JoeSportsFan Radio Network is now available. Download Episode 16 Here.



Without further ado, we finally tip our hand and offer a few details on the location and time for Blogs With Balls 3.0. Listen to the podcast to find out where and when, and sign up for more information on the BwB Site.

HHR co-founder @chrisilluminati's new book, A**holeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way - and Getting Away with it, is teetering between #50-60 on Amazon's humor list during presales. This proves one thing - if you want to sell books (or anything for that matter), pimp it on the Blogs With Balls Show.


The book makes its official release on January 19, so go get yourself one.

This week's guest is John Christie, who serves in the dual role of EVP of Content Partnership with XOS Digital and as General Manager of the SEC Digital Network.

The company and conference made waves last summer when the New York Times ran a piece that highlighted their seemingly restrictive policy that made it difficult for bloggers and fans alike to share and distribute SEC content.
Since that time, we've followed the SEC's progression and the role XOS has played in it on the Blogs With Balls blog, and have also maintained a steady and honest dialect with the company's representatives. We also conferred with some top college football bloggers to get their thoughts. Most noted the lack of functionality and embeddablity of video and accused the SEC as serving as a clearinghouse, and hoarding and filtering content.

While the SEC's policy may not be at the level bloggers would like to see it, John indicates that it is constantly evolving and they are taking feedback seriously.

A first step they say is the recent availability of the SEC Digital Video Widget. Christie tells us about what the widget entails and specifically if and how it might address these previous blogger
criticisms.

We appreciate his willingness to address bloggers' concerns head-on and we came away with better understanding of both why and how the policies are being implemented.

Says John:
"It was never about keeping the content from the fans. It was about developing that comprehensive strategy to get it out there to the fans through all these different mechanisms."


This week’s links of interest:

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Lane Kiffin = USC Poohaaaa

Our old pal Assassin Avenue has been on sabbatical north of the border. He did have time to research the Trojan's new head coach on HHR's behalf and sent us along the following screen shot.


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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Knicks Hear Boos. And For Once It’s Not from the Home Crowd.

Last night, the New York Knicks were thumped by the Oklahoma City Thunder, 106-88. What was to blame for the Knicks’ poor performance? That they shot just 38% from the floor? That they couldn’t stop Kevin Durant from going for his customary 30? No, the Knicks say they lost because their hotel was haunted.

"The place is haunted. It's scary," said Jared Jeffries of the Skirvin Hilton, a recently renovated historic hotel in downtown Oklahoma City. Eddy Curry said he couldn’t sleep out of fear of the ghosts roaming the hallway.

Although the ghost of Isiah Thomas is omnipresent in the Knicks’ salary cap and draft strategies, this is the first time supernatural powers have been blamed for the Knicks’ on-court suckage.


The Knicks can probably get Winston for league minimum, but they’ll have to clear some cap room to sign Venkman.

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Cadillac Mescallade: The Rock Has Found Bottom


Anyone remember Carlos Baerga? Played for the Cleveland Indians in the 90s when they were solid and then flamed out with the Mets before a brief reprieve (at least statistically) with the Arizona Diamond Backs. There are a ton of athletes that fit this profile. They start off great and appear to be headed to super-stardom, if nothing less than consistent performance. Then for any variety of reasons they just drop off. Drugs, old age, injuries, indifference, etc. They start hitting well below .300 and look like they'd be better as the bullpen catcher for the Newark Bears than as the All-Star you thought they were. No offense to that guy, none taken.

This reminds me of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson - not the wrestling career, but the acting career. Being a longtime fan of wrestling, I was always interested in seeing what new movies he would be in and he played his foray into entertainment smartly. He started off with a largely non-speaking role in The Mummy Returns and then parlayed that into the Scorpion King. He seemed destined to be another great action star in the mold of Arnold, Stallone, Segal, etc. Perhaps it wasn't Daniel Day Lewis stuff, but it was a good niche for an ex-wrestler and it was above what Hulk Hogan was doing. This was moving along nicely with "The Rundown" and "Walking Tall," two movies that were about dropping the people's elbow on some people who had it coming.

Now not long after he jumps in the movie "Be Cool" showing off a softer side. Most everyone panned this movie but I don't fault him for jumping in a flick with all those stars (and it's not a bad idea to see some range). Then comes "Game Plan." The football star gets an unexpected daughter. This, again, right in his wheelhouse and nothing wrong with making a movie for the kids. Then, even though the previews had me concerned, I kind of understood "Race to Witch Mountain." It was an action type movie but also designed for kids. But after that, it was time to get back to firing big guns and handing out smackdowns. But we didn't get any of that. Instead there was a voice role in Planet 51, one of the millions of Bhrek-like movies out there (how fast has that style of movie became unoriginal, btw). Then the topper, and I'm only reminded of this because of the giant billboards on the 5 freeway, The Tooth Fairy. Really, rock? This is what you are cooking? Honestly, what is going on? Is it a money thing? Is it a you don't care thing? Do you think these are actually good ideas? I'd really like to watch some of your movies but you are making it very tough right now.

From what I gather from the billboard, the Rock will play a tooth fairy with possibly shoulder pads attached. I guess I should be upset that this movie got the go-ahead in the first place. I'm far from the first person to be stunned at what has been a Baerga-like drop off in quality production, but we can only hope there is a turnaround in the making. The Rock's imdb page would suggest he is trying to right the ship, slated to appear in an upcoming movie with Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg as well as an action movie where he avenges somebody's death. That is what I'm talking about, let's see some more things avenged.

I still have hope for the Rock, that not only will he has just a one season comeback like Baerga, but perhaps this is just a little extended bump in the road like Kurt Warner's time with the New York Giants. Perhaps 2010 will be the return of the People's Champ.

-Posted by Cadillac Mescallade


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Monday, January 11, 2010

DeSean Jackson Fan Not Pleased with Announcing Effort by Collinsworth & Michaels

As if watching your team get shellacked for the second consecutive week by the Cowboys weren't bad enough, not even Bud 40s and pantomime masturbation could help this young man stomach the sound of Cris Collinsworth and Al Michaels.

It's actually heartbreaking how defeated he looks at the end.




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Cadillac Mescallade: Saints Dealing With...Expectations?

The New Orleans Saints accomplished some firsts this season, perhaps most notably setting a franchise record for wins with 13 and earning the top seed in the NFC along with home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Possibly the biggest thing they have earned this year are expectations, something this franchise is not all that used to. The Saints appearances in the playoffs are limited. There was a run to the NFC title game in 2006, prior to that a single playoff win in 2000, and then you have to go back to the early 90s. Even in the heyday for New Orleans of three straight playoff appearances, they never reached the Super Bowl.

In 2009 the Saints jumped out to a 13-0 record and there were talks of perfection. Three losses later the Saints walk into the playoffs this Saturday against Arizona Cardinals with a definite need to get their mojo back again. Regardless of the late season mishaps the Saints are still the number one seed, they have still earned the first round bye and a great deal is still expected out of them. In recent history when the Saints made it to the playoffs it was almost like an unexpected guest showing up to a party and everyone seemed to enjoy having the new guy around. This playoffs they are not only expected to be at the party, but they are expected to still be going strong at three in the morning.

Television analysts are already, either consciously or subconsciously, trying to lessen the expectations of the Saints. All this past weekend on NFL coverage it was various announcers letting us know the Dallas Cowboys are in fact the best team in the NFC. This might be the case, but it might just be more of a team getting hot headed to the playoffs.

As a Saints fan this is a weird spot to be in, actually expecting not just one playoff win, but a prolonged run in the playoffs and perhaps, dare I say, a trip to the Super Bowl. Will the group from Bourbon Street be able to live up to their billing? We'll find out this Saturday, but I'm expecting big things.

-Posted by Cadillac Mescallade


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Friday, January 8, 2010

I'm Craig James B*tch: Unapologetic ESPN Analyst Wants to Be the GOP Senator from TX

ESPN college football analyst made no fans in Texas after his portrayed nepotism helped Lubbock officials dismiss polarizing Texas Tech coach Mike Leach before the Red Raiders' Alamo Bowl win over Michigan State.

In a conversation with News 8 Dallas/Ft. Worth in which he announced his interest in running for retiring US Senator Kay Bailey Hutchinson's seat, James made no apologies for his actions in Leach situation when asked if it would affect his political bid:

"Any mom or dad who knew what we knew at the time that we knew it would’ve taken the same action that we did. Whatever the consequences are, we didn’t care about that. We cared about doing what was right and protecting and taking care of our son."



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A**holeology Contest Winner

Congratulations to Bob Jakub on being chosen winner of the A**holeology photoshop contest. Bob will receive a personalized, autographed copy of HHR co-founder @chrisilluminati's new book A**holeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way - and Getting Away with it.




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Dunbar the Dutch: NFL Wildcard Picks

After watching Jimmy the Greek on ESPN last night instead of Texas' Gilbert trying to throw a football, I am in the gambling spirit.

If I or a co-worker named Nick Papageorgio were headed to Vegas this weekend for the NFL Wildcard games, these may (or may not) be the games I put money on without Lady Dunbar knowing.


  • Dallas over Philly - the D has their number this year and have the answer to DeShaun Jackson or is it DaSheawn (this prediction may not be shared by other writers on the HHR staff)
  • Green Bay over Arizona - after watching NFC North games all season, I know GB is tough and Rodgers can whip the ball. Arizona seems as soft and gooey as Kurt Warner's 38 year-old grocery clerk gut this season.
  • Bengals over Jets - Jets have played garbage over the last few weeks, time for the Bengals to lockdown and test the Jets' run defense with emotions running higher than, well, the Bengal's locker room.
  • Ravens over the Pats - I've watched plenty of Baltimore games this year, they're my 2010 team as I need to find another team to enjoy while being a Lions fan. The Welker injury hurts, and Baltimore has played tough competition all season with bounces that, if gone their way, they would have a bye this week. Look for the upset especially with the spread. Can't pick Pats because they are the Pats anymore.

One of the great weekends in sports. Who knows, I may be able to stay awake for the entire 8 pm Saturday game. But history indicates that I will fall asleep on the couch while holding a glass of scotch on my belly.


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Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Audio: Warren Sapp on Mike Brown's One-Man Bidding War

Warren Sapp, best known for his stint on Dancing with the Stars and co-starring with Tracy Morgan in one of the greatest commercials ever, was once a highly talented defensive lineman with the Tampa Bay Bucs.

This morning on Carton and Boomer, Sweet-tooth told about his nearly signing with the Bengals - if not for black people getting arrested for driving in Cincinnati and owner Mike Brown's negotiation technique.

Truth be told, I just love throwing gasoline on Who Dey Revolution's anti-Brown fire.




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Waiting For Godunk: The Perth Screwjob & My Nationally Televised Hissy Fit

My name is Kevin Owens and I have been playing professional basketball for the past six years. I decided to start a blog documenting my daily life. I have a degree in journalism and haven't written anything since college, so I figured why not. I don't particularly think I am that interesting, however when telling people about the traveling circus that is my life, they seem very entertained. I'll be contributing some of those stories once a week here at HHR. You can also now catch me on Twitter @Waiting4Godunk. Hope you enjoy!

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I was watching wrestling Monday night, a typical night for any twenty-nine year old, and I saw Bret “The Hitman” Hart make his long anticipated return to the WWE. Now I was a huge wrestling fan back in the day, so anytime an old timer comes back into the ring I am fairly excited. I spent the remainder of the evening online looking up YouTube clips of the “Montreal Screwjob”. During this time I was reminded of the biggest screwjob I have ever been a part of.

I was playing in Australia at the time for the Cairns Taipans. We had advanced to the quarterfinal where we would visit the Perth Wildcats. A few days before we won our first playoff game in which I played extremely well in. We came into Perth as underdogs. Now I have no proof besides the tape of the game, however I firmly believe someone did not want us to win.

I have never seen a more poorly officiated game. The entire game I was being roughly guarded by an assortment of Perth players, to the point when after the game I didn’t know whether to take a shower, or a “morning after pill.” Despite the physical play that was allowed on me, I was called for fouls they wouldn’t enforce in a 3rd grade girls game. I played a total of nine minutes that game and fouled out.

Now I am not an idiot. I know how to play this game; I’ve been doing it my entire life. In an enormous match like this I am going to use my head and not commit dumb fouls. But something that day told me no matter what I did I would be watching the game from the sidelines.

I, like Brett Hart, have an animosity that I hold deep in my soul for those referees that day. Every game you play as a professional basketball player will influence future jobs. This was not just about the team that night, especially since we ended up winning. This was about messing with my life. If I played a dominate game in Perth, which I am more than capable of doing, I could still be in Australia playing in a league that I loved. Who knows what could have happened if the “Perth Screwjob” never took place.

I wish that I could say that was the end of the story and wrap up my article this week with a well worded summary; however the most embarrassing part has yet to be told.

I would be referring to, as my friends like to call it, the “towel incident”. After "apparently"committing my final foul, I found my mind in a state of great rage. As I walked towards the bench I was tossed a towel to wipe off the nine minutes of sweat I had accumulated. Needing an outlet for my anger I took the towel, bit down on it and tore it asunder.

This would have been a lot less embarrassing had no one noticed. Unfortunately the camera that had followed my journey to the bench stayed with me during my little temper tantrum. And that camera was transmitting a signal to the entire country of Australia.

Back in Cairns the entire town had gathered at the famous Rooftop Casino to watch the live broadcast on the jumbo screen. My wife Sara and my teammate Scott’s wife, Erica went to every game together so naturally they made their way to the casino to watch. When the infamous towel incident occurred my wife was mortified. Not just because I had fouled out, but because everyone watching me rip the towel apart now slowly turned towards her. According to my wife she slunk down into her seat and ordered another drink.

I had no idea this incident was televised nationally until I picked up the phone and called my wife after the game. I believe her first words were, "Should I make a dentist appointment?” She then described to me how the entire country had seen my hissy fit. Embarrassing, to say the least.

The news of this incident made its way to America before I could even call home. My one friend found highlights of the game on some obscure Australian website. He passed it along to a few more friends who witnessed my towel homicide first hand. The next day I received an email telling me to search my name on Wikipedia.

When I did I saw that not only had a made up version of the towel incident made it onto the page, but several other ridiculously embellished stories from my past.
This page alludes to a ridiculous prank my “friends” played on me when we went to see the Phillies during spring training that year, which I will publish in a future blog.


Long story short…I know too late…If you ever get the chance to play in front of a nationally televised audience, make sure your towel is used for its intended purpose only.

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Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Brit Hume Defends Buddhist Tiger-Christianity Remarks

We mentioned on Sunday that Fox News' Brit Hume recently implored Buddhist Tiger Woods to accept Jesus Christ as his Lord & Savior. On last night's O'Reilly factor, Brit stood by his remarks.




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A**holeology: Can You Top This?

Yesterday we posted a contest to win a personalized, autographed copy of HHR co-founder @chrisilluminati's new book A**holeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way - and Getting Away with it by Photoshopping it into a sports image.

The submissions have been too hysterical so far not to share. As more we like come in, we'll post and later put up for a vote. In the meantime, see if you can top these and email them to us:






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