Dr. James Andrews' House of Perversion

A 50-year-old man was caught choking his chicken in flight while sitting next to a 17-year-old cheerleader who was perusing prom dresses.

When confronted by cops, monkey spanker Rafael Escamilla denied exposing himself.

"I wasn’t out, I wasn’t hanging out," he claimed. As reported by Officer Chris Reese, Escamilla "explained to me that he had spilled Tabasco sauce or something similar on his ‘penis’ and had an incredible itch." He was rubbing his groin, Escamilla explained, "because it was the worst ‘itch in the world.’" Escamilla said he tried to be discreet by covering himself with his laptop, but that the girl must have "suspected something."

Why are we reporting this?

Well, it so turns out that the log flogger "currently works as research director at the Florida orthopedics and sports medicine institute founded by Dr. James Andrews, the noted surgeon whose clientele has included Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning, Charles Barkley, Jack Nicklaus, Roger Clemens, and Drew Brees."

The same Dr. Andrews we like to refer to as Dr. Death, because you can bet your sweet ass your season is done when you head his way, and the same Dr. Andrews who was featured earlier this year in SI for as a cutting edge sports surgeon.

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Blogs With Balls Radio - Espiode 30

We talk this week with Washington Redskins’ Director of Responsibility (real title), and former 4-time Pro Bowler Ken Harvey. In his Director role with the team, Harvey is working with Diageo’s anti-underage drinking campaign, We Don’t Serve Teens.

Blogs with Balls Show - Episode 30 by Blogs with Balls

Photo by Karen Ballard/Redux 1/19/10 via Hogs Heaven

We talk a bit about his involvement with the program and other philanthropic endeavors, including space exploration and education.

I commend Ken for his work with the Washington Post’s video segment that he hosted, Word on the Street with Ken Harvey, noting it was very blog-ish and perhaps a bit ahead of it’s time event though it wasn’t that long ago.

From there we hit on the changing role of media in sports. Ken talks about the lack of a filter and pros and cons of living in a world where “Any one at any time has a chance to create media and be a part of media;” and players having direct, instant access to fans, “Not everything that could be said needs to be said.”

Assessing Mike Shanahan’s handling of the team in his first year comes down to “Do you want to try to win right now or do you want to build for the future?” By asserting his authority, Harvey guesses the coach is pushing to the former. He appreciates, however, the sense of competition Shanahan is building. He noted that “people were becoming heroes and superstars without ever producing anything.” Grade wise for Shanahan, as a plan moving forward B/B+; the way he handled McNabb C/C+.

Harvey addresses the current culture and environment as brought about by the Daniel Snyder regime, “Winning changes everything. You have a whole generation coming up who hasn’t experienced the Super Bowls.”

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Trentonian Tells Carlson to Tuck Off

Or something like that...

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McNabb Supports Agent...Or Does He?

"When I read the whole thing, I didn't see nothing wrong with it," McNabb said on his paid weekly radio show on ESPN 980.

McNabb, who holds a Bachelor of Science degree in speech communication from Syracuse University, is surely cognizant of his use of a double negative.

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Ditka, Mooch to Coach Under Armour HS All-America Game

25 years after Super Bowl shufflin', former Bears coach Mike Ditka and former Niners/Lions coach Steve Mariucci will serve as head coaches in the 2011 Under Armour All-America High School Football Game, Tropicana Field in St. Petersburg, Fla., on Wednesday, Jan. 5, at 7 p.m. ET, on ESPN.

Love the commercial that aired this past Sunday...

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Rumor Mongering: JoePa at Death's Door?

Verbatim email we received from a PSU junky.

Take it for what it is.

Is it news that an 84 year old may die soon and has had "3 mini strokes in the past month...is no longer allowed to drive, and his short term memory is completely shot?"

Not really. But for PSU loyalists, it might come off as sacrilege.

------------

1. Joe is apparently sick. The rumors vary as to what he actually has or has undergone over the last 9 months, but none of it is good. Anyone that has any sort of day-to-day contact with him has been saying this. Instead of looking bad once every 10 public appearances, hes bad every other appearancewe see it in the p.c.s, but other people say its more evident when you see him in person. Some people literally thought he was at deaths door during the season. Its been that bad at times. One rumor is that he has had 3 mini strokes in the past month. He is apparently no longer allowed to drive, and his short term memory is completely shot.
2. Apparently this all came to a head at the senior banquet. Tons of players tweeted crap about how out of it he was..said it was going to be great to play in a Thanksgiving Day Bowl.someone in admin. Reached out to every living captain that played for him and asked them to write a letter to Joe, which was presented to him in a book. It was weird, because no one knew or thought anything was officially decided, but it was clear it was kind of like a send off. Anyway, he gets the book and is fine speaking for a couple of minutes, then tails off into nonsense and nobody can figure out what hes talking about.he finished up by saying I gotta go beat my old friend Spurrier in the bowl game.walks off the stage, and walks out of the room.
   

Within the last week, the family (Sue, Jay and whichever daughter is the power playerI forget whos who) apparently stepped up and said this is it. There are extra planes so that the entire family can make the trip.

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NCAA Volleyball Groupies Rule

This grandfatherly white creeper has an affection for tall, lean African sisters and wants the world to know it.

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Mike Schmidt Offers Scathing (But Fair) Criticism of Werth, Nats

The Phillies Hall of Famer, writing for the AP, points out several relevant points ignored by all parties involved in the right fielder's recent signing with the NL East perennial basement dweller:

He’s durable, can run like a deer, play a Gold Glove right field and hit with power. He can be the real deal, but will he? In Philly, the stars were aligned perfectly for him. Should the Nationals have considered this?

This is what puzzles me about this contract. Are the Nationals in a position to wager $126 million that he can do it all? In Philly, Jayson had men on base on a regular basis with proven players Jimmy Rollins, Shane Victorino and Chase Utley stirring it up. He could stumble into 75 RBIs just by playing everyday, but he only drove in 85 last season.

In Washington, the lineup is young and inexperienced, right-handed dominant, and the park is big, so RBIs will not come as easily. RBIs are much tougher when everyone’s counting. Jayson now will be the man, the cleanup hitter with the burden of production, far surpassing anything he has experienced. His name will be first on the opposition’s “don’t let him beat us” list. If the Nationals don’t come up with a legit left-handed bat behind him, he will quickly see what Ryan Howard had to deal with in Philly...

Is it good business to drop $126 million in the lap of a player who is in the growth stage?

The Phillies had the right plan for Jayson, a plan that worked well for Ryan Howard and Chase Utley. Both were slowly adjusted upward. Ryan was forced to use arbitration, then a competitive multiyear deal and then, after Rookie of the Year, MVP award and averaging 135 RBIs a season, he got his bonanza. Not a gamble, a lock.

Utley’s path was similar. Up through the Phillies system, slowly climbed the salary ladder, became the best second baseman in the game, will jump to Howard money soon. Again, like buying Apple stock, no risk. This is good management. The Phillies were looking for the same for Jayson. He was one 30-homer/100-RBI year from $100-plus million with Philadelphia, and maybe a couple more championship rings with them. But today the open market is irresistible.

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The Decision, Part II

Nebraska head coach Bo Pelini, rumored to be a candidate for Miami’s head coaching job, announced today that he is not interviewing for the position.

Wait, an Ohio guy turning down more money to take his talents to South Beach? Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the anti-Lebron.

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Blogs With Balls Radio, Episode 29

Another abbreviated show this week, but a topical one as HuggingHaroldReynolds.com's College Football guru Wes the Cynic chats with NCAA football Hall of Famer, and thus far the first and only 2-time Heisman Trophy winner, Archie Griffin.

Blogs with Balls Show - Episode 29 by Blogs with Balls

While in town for tomorrow's ceremony at the Downtown Athletic Club, Griffin is also doing his part to promote the Wendy’s High School Heisman which celebrates high school seniors across the country who excel in academics, athletics and community leadership. Since the program’s start in 1994, more than 305,000 students have been recognized by the program for their outstanding achievements both on and off the field.

Wes presses him on whether or not their would be another multi-time winner, whether he voted for himself in 1975, his thoughts on Nebraska joining the Big 10, how character should be weighed in Heisman voting in light of Reggie Bush and Cam Newton controversy, and has Griffin make an Oregon-Auburn prediction.

For more information about the High School Heisman program and the nomination process, visit http://www.wendysheisman.com or contact your local high school principal, guidance counselor or athletic director. “Like” Wendy’s High School Heisman on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/wendyshighschoolheisman for program updates and to connect with alumni.

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ONE! One Effeminate Quarterback...Ah Ah Ah

Thanks, Dean.

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Holly, You Ignorant Slut

The time in which ABC's Holly Rowe sets the profession of female sports reporting back 50 years and Brent Musburger let's her know it...



In what could be the dumbest sideline insight in decades Holly Rowe makes Eric Dickerson look like Walter Cronkite after her report on the University of Nebraska's super-kicker Alex Henery being a 'regular guy' because he wears 'regular shoes'.

Shoes--of course it's shoes that the lady on the sidelines is focused on.

Oh women...

--Dr. Blue Pulaski, Phd. Gender Studies

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Christmas Ornaments of Eagles Football Past

This was a hot item three years ago.

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Wade's Pep Talk: We'll Do It for Bronny!

To kick off Lebron's return to the Mistake By the Lake, Dwayne Wade was said to have given an inspiring call to arms to the Heat.

Here is his pre-game prep talk as re-enacted by Matt Dillon.

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Cigar Guy's 15 Minutes of Fame Not Up Yet

Nothing immortalizes a person like depicting him as the iconic t-shirt of a violent Socialist Castro butt buddy...

It's the gift that keeps on giving all year 'round.

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