Separated at Birth: David Freese is on Your Side

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HHR Joins the NYT in Wishing Cardinal Brad Penny a Happy 58th Birthday

He looks...um...great for his age? 58 years young according to The Learning Network.

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Jimmy Edmonds (Clearance) Has Less Collector Value than...Well Just About Everyone

At least in a sports bar...

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Separated at Birth: Ryan Franklin, Murderball

From CR Dunbar to HHR's resident Cards fan, Rev. Shaw Moore:

"Did I see that the guy from Murder Ball is a relief pitcher for the Cards? Franklin?"

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UK Mail: Tony La Russa, Coach of the Obscure StL Cardinals

From the Mail this weekend:

"Twitter has decided to act after Tony La Russa, the coach of an obscure American baseball team, launched a legal action over a fake account."

Reminds us once again how much we hate that obscure European sport, soccer.

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I'm Keith Hernandez

After garnering underground buzz and doing a tour of the film festival circuit, Rob Perri's short film, "I'm Keith Hernandez," has been released online for free.

From creating a more confident Joaquin Andujar to his influence on the '86 championship Mets to encouraging Don Mattingly's attraction by association, Keith Hernandez's influential mascualinity knew no bounds in the 1980s.

Needless to say, the film's widespread viewership is long overdue.

I'm Keith Hernandez from water&power on Vimeo.

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Why Should We Believe This Admitted Liar?

If someone told me today Albert Pujols was a raging roider or at least tinkered with some PEDs provided by a mysterious Dominican cousin, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised.

While Joe Posnanski's cover story in the March 16 issue of SI paints the Cards slugger as a God-fearing, baseball-loving family man, he also notes that one of Pujols' most cherished relationships was founded on a bed of lies: "He met his wife, Dee Dee, when he was just 18 years old. She thought he was 21 - they met in a Kansas City dance club that was for people 21 and older."

Those two lines ruined any wholesome picture Posnanski was trying to portray. If Albert Pujols has no qualms casting aside the truth to dabble in the pleasures of the flesh, should we not be wary that he would do the same to advance his beloved livelihood?

Believe what you will. Posnanski's St. Louis propaganda characterizes the truth as he (and Albert) wants you to see it. I, for one, will not be fooled again. A tiger doesn't change its stripes.

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Let's Try This Again, Chris

This time I'll try it without the flash. Smile and keep those eyes open. This one's going on the JumboTron.

Dammit, Chris. You're hopeless.

F*ck it. We're using it.

Bartles & Jim?

 He got a standing ovation from the home crowd on Friday night.   By Saturday, he was just another no-good Cub.

Don't dog the man because he likes a light and refreshing drink!  Welcome back to St. Louis, Jimmy.

Behind the Times

His pesky little entanglement with federal prosecutors aside, disgraced slugger Barry Bonds apparently had at least one interested suitor this offseason.

Mindnumbing as it is, apparently Cardinals' manager Tony LaRussa was urging the St. Louis front office to acquire the disgraced slugger to provide some protection to Albert Pujols in the lineup. You can read about this fiasco that fortunately wasn't here.

"Those front office geeks don't know sh*t about baseball."

LaRussa has caught a lot of flack in St. Louis for his supposed preference for "veteran leadership" as opposed to letting his younger guys log time in the field. What veteran leadership Tony hoped to get from Bonds ("How to Destroy Your Team From the Inside Out" - with special guest speaker, Barry Bonds!) I will never know. I'm just hoping Tony was still drunk when he thought this up.

But more to the point, Bonds is acknowledged as a massive steroid cheat by everyone who has at least half a brain. Plus, he's under federal indictment for lying to a grand jury about his steroid use. That bears repeating about a thousand times.

Now this will get washed under the bridge by the Cardinals media department as just a brainstorming session gone bad. But here's something to keep in mind: the Cardinals have already invited 38 year old and Mitchell Report alum Juan Gonzales to camp - and by some accounts, it's not out of the question that he might make the team.

So in a nightmare scenario, the Cards' would have Bonds in left field and Gonzales in right. Might as well ring up Mark McGwire and see if he's interested in playing 1st base again.

Note to Tony: This is not 1990's Oakland. Steroids are kind of frowned upon nowadays.

This Goes to All You Freaks out There

"Homerun King Mark McGuire" (with his andro) is a very special guest of the nWo's Big Bad Booty Daddy Scott Steiner, and admits he could never hit 70 homeruns without PED "help."

Tony Micelli got himself a lawyer

Ex-minor leaguer could sue MLB

NEW YORK (Ticker) - Major League Baseball could face a class-action lawsuit from former minor leaguers who believe they were denied a fair shot at making the majors because of steroids in the game.

Ex-St. Louis Cardinals farmhand Rich Hartmann told the New York Daily News he is considering filing the lawsuit, and has support from former teammates.

"Was I cheated of my dreams of a big-league career?" Hartmann said in Sunday's Daily News. "I don't know. But I do know there were thousands of guys who were right on the doorstep between 1990 and 2005 and they were cheated because they didn't use steroids."

Hartmann, now a 35-year-old New York banker, was a 26th-round draft choice of the Cardinals in 1994. He impressed at Class A level but lasted only a couple of seasons before he quit after an arm injury.

I hope the Cardinals counter-sue for wasting a draft pick (albeit a 26th round pick), roster spot, uniform, salary, and countless plane and bus tickets on this guy. But where the hell have a heard this story before?

"Widower Anthony Morton "Tony" Micelli (Danza) is a former second baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals who was forced to retire due to a shoulder injury and the up and coming career of Tommy Herr."

Not taking steroids didn't keep you from the majors, it kept you from a nice AA career. And threw you right into the arms of Angerler, Mona and Jonatin.

Jock's Gone

Depending on who you listen to, Walt Jocketty has resigned/been let go/been forced out/been fired as general manager of the St. Louis Cardinals.

Bad news for the Cards. Good news for any other team looking to build a winner.

All Jock did in St. Louis was help build a club that won six division titles, a wild card berth, two National League pennants, and one World Series championship.

Through various trades, free agent signings, and waiver wire moves, he signed the likes of Mark McGwire, Will Clark, Jim Edmonds, Jason Isringhausen, Larry Walker, Chris Carpenter, Scott Rolen and David Eckstein, all fan favorites in St. Louis and critical players who have made the Cards’ recent success possible.

Happy trails, Jock. You will be missed.

House of Cards

After watching my Cardinals play over the past two weeks, I can say that I’ve officially turned my attention to football. Good riddance baseball, see you again in 2008.

I mean, just a few days ago, the Cards were just a game out of first place in the Central. Their competition? The Brewers, who have absolutely sh*t the bed since May, and the Cubs, who have absolutely sh*t the bed since 1908.

Destiny again appeared to be on the Cards side. We’d be watching meaningful postseason baseball again this fall!

Then the Ankiel story broke. Reporters hounded the team. MLB said they wanted to “talk” to Rick. On a scale of 1 to 10, that kind of negative attention and distraction registered about 22 in the St. Louis clubhouse.

Coincidentally or not, the Cards have lost 7 straight, including a 3 game sweep by the Reds. Now 5 full games back, the Cards are pretty much done. Thank you very much, see you next year.

The return of Ankiel was one of the best storylines of the season, especially when it looked liked he would be the one to lead the Cards into the postseason. Then the storyline turned real ugly, and even diehard Card fans like myself didn’t know what to make of the guy.

But I don’t know if you can completely blame the Ankiel story for the Cards’ collapse. I mean, this was a team that played way over its head for the past month and a half, in spite of injuries, distractions, tragedies, and just sheer bad luck that would spell certain doom for other teams.

My buddy Greg lives in St. Louis and follows the Cards closely. He had some interesting thoughts on the developments of the past couple of days:

“On a more personal level, the destruction of this Cards team has finally occurred. People will point to the Ankiel story as the source, but it’s really the loss of Duncan and Rolen out of the line up. Tip of the cap to management and the players for making it this far with a depleted and old lineup, missing the ace (Carpenter), and all the off field drama (Josh Hancock’s death, LaRussa possibly leaving, Spezio to rehab, etc. etc.). That being said, I’ve that feeling you get when you’re breaking up with a girl when it comes to this team… You know you’re going to feel better once it’s over but you keep wanting to give them one more chance, so you just feel sick to your stomach.”

2008 is sure to bring a lot of changes to St. Louis, but one thing is for certain: Albert Pujols will be playing 1st base and batting third. Aside from that, I expect a lot of familiar faces will be gone (Eckstein? Rolen? Edmonds? La Russa?)

And maybe it’s time. The core of this team has had a fantastic run over the past four or five years. They were in the playoffs nearly every year, went to two World Series, and won one. It’s tough to ask for too much more, but having watched this team, you always left expecting more. That’s the price of success, I suppose.

Maybe it’s just a tad premature to offer the eulogy, but as a fan, I’m ready to turn the page – both on this season and on the team as a whole. Change has to happen for any ballclub, and it’s entirely correct to say that the Cards have done what they could to resist it. It sure has been fun though.

-Posted by Rev. Shaw Moore

Rick Ankiel Is Not Walking Through That Door

Success doesn’t really breed happiness. You would think it does, but it surely does not.

Take this year’s St. Louis Cardinals. Last year, I was thrilled beyond belief that I got to see my team win the World Series. After coming close to the pinnacle for the last few years, an otherwise mediocre team put it together for a 3 or 4 week stretch and won the whole thing. It wasn’t quite the most gratifying thing that has ever happened in my life, but as a Cards fan, it was pretty f’ing cool.

It was happy times in Cardinal Nation.

Then this season started and the whole sh*thouse went up in flames. We lost our ace Chris Carpenter to a blown-up elbow; he’s due to come back sometime in 2017. Without him, the staff’s ERA has ballooned to a healthy spot just over 5.00 earned runs a game.

Scott Rolen’s arthritic shoulder turned our power hitting, slick fielding third baseman into a poor man’s Scott Brosius. Edmonds’ collection of head, neck and back injuries have kept him on the bench, and the two year deal he signed before the start of the season looks to be about two years too long. Even Pujols has been having a so-so year, or at least compared with his stats from years past.

For a fan base generally regarded as a good, supportive crowd, things have been downright sour along the Mississippi this summer. I went to a game in St. Louis earlier this past June against the Phils and watched 90 year old Jamie Moyer carve the Cardinals up. Judging the abuse hurled at Juan Encarnacion that night, I feared his life was in danger.

Seriously. And remember, this is mild-mannered St. Louis - not the Bronx.

Things have generally stayed as sour since that June night. That is, at least until this past week when Cards fans received a glimmer of hope:

The return of the Rick.

Yes, this is the same Rick Ankiel who once dazzled opposing hitters with a mid-90’s fastball and a Koufax like curveball. To watch him throw was amazing; he was simply the best pitching prospect the Cardinals had produced since they traded Steve Carlton away. He was the next Bob Gibson.

That is, until he went absolute bat sh*t crazy and couldn’t throw the ball near the plate to save his life. It was a tragedy of EPIC proportions. From 60 feet, he was liable to kill somebody sitting in the 10th row behind home plate. There is no other way to describe it – he absolutely melted down, and there was nothing – NOTHING – anybody could do to stop it.

The battle against wildness was a losing one, and Rick said he was done as a pitcher. Then Rick said he wanted to be an outfielder. So the Cards brass shipped him off to low-A minor league clubs in their system and tried to develop him into an outfielder. Everyone knew he was a supremely talented athlete, but it was a stretch to say the least.

Quick side note: Apparently the Macho Man Randy Savage was once a promising baseball prospect in the Montreal Expos system who threw with his right hand. Then he suffered a freak accident that forced him to learn how to throw left-handed or give up baseball entirely. Of course, he learned how to throw left-handed and he made it back to professional baseball.

Now that could be just some inspirational yarn my high school baseball coach told us, and I have never corroborated it or verified its authenticity. Hell, I even get my wrestlers wrong from time to time (ask Ren). But that’s the type of feat Ankiel was attempting – reinventing himself as a ballplayer at the highest professional level in baseball.

So for a couple of years, Ankiel existed as a curious indulgence for Cards fans. He would show up at Spring Training and play moderately well, but no one really ever assumed he’d do anything as an outfielder. He was trade bait. Some people assumed he might start pitching again.

That is until he started hitting bombs off everybody. He hit 30 or so HRs for AAA Memphis before being called up to the big club last week. And guess what?

He’s still hitting bombs.

He’s got 3 HRs and 6 RBI in 4 games. He hit two in one game against LA, plus he made an amazing, back-to-the-infield catch on the warning track.

Cardinal Nation is positively giddy.

I tried explaining the magnitude of this to the wife, how nobody makes it back from what the Rick went through. She did her best to comprehend what I was telling her. She nodded her head understandingly, as if deep in thought, and replied:

“At least he’s hot”.

OK, so I guess he’s got that going for him too.

But for as putrid as this season has been (to this point), the Cards are only 5 ½ games back in the gawd-awful NL Central. That’s amazing in and of itself. And now we have the Rick patrolling RF for the time being, it may be just the shot in the arm that gets the Cards moving.

Of course, that is until the supernova implodes again. So you’ll understand why I’m keeping my fingers crossed.