As such, we give you the HHR picks...
Atlanta: Otis Nixon: What other face would you want representing your team?
Marlins: Harry Caray:
Harry Caray: They won't be a factor! Trust me! ... Hey, Norm! You ever been alone in a room face to face with a marlin?
Norm MacDonald: No. Nope.
Harry Caray: No matter where you go in the room, its eye follows your every move. ... You should try it some time. It's a rush! ... I should know -- I used to hunt them.
Norm MacDonald: Really? You - you hunted marlins, huh?
Harry Caray: No. Indians. ... I've got a whole closet full of scalps at home. ... They're just collecting dust. The government stopped buying them years ago. ... Hey, Norm! Ya interested in buyin' a scalp?
Mets: Doug Sisk: If you can represent a group called the "Scum Bunch," you're ok in our book and can certainly represent el Mets.
Phillies: Koy Detmer: He needs work, Philadelphia loves him, there's more Eagles chants at Phillie games than any other ruckus not associated with booing Pat "The Pat" Burrell (he is what he is). The Phils can use some bullpen help so why not grab the world's best holder? Plus, who doesn't love a good neck beard?
Nationals: Tim "Rock" Raines: True story...Im at RFK wearing a Phillies hat and a kid in front of me asks if I am from Philly. I asked if he was from Montreal. Touche.
Reds: Shottzie: To Keep Mistress Marge's legacy alive.
Astros: Jackie Earl Haley: LET THEM PLAY! LET THEM PLAY!
Brewers: Randal Simon: He likes to beat their meats.
Pirates: Kent Tekuvle: Only because my mother pronounces his name Tuckle-vee. Well, that and the stove-top cap.
Cardinals: Tony Larussa passed out at a light in spring training.
D-Backs: White Goodman: Ariel says they should just change their name to the "Snakes" because D-Backs sounds too much like D-Bags.
Rockies: John Elway.
Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles: Pedro Guerrero.
OJ Simpson to 911 operator: "We have a problem here. I'm trying to get a girl to go to rehab. ... She's been doing drugs for two days with Pedro Guerrero, who just got arrested for cocaine, and I'm trying to get her to leave her house and go into rehab right now."
Padres: The Chicken: of Baseball Bunch fame.
San Fransisco Baseball Giants: Will "The Thrill" Clark: His answering machine reportedly played " The Thrill is Gone."