Wednesday, March 19, 2008

What Was I Thinking!?

by Matt Ryan

God my mouth is stinging. But I am SOOOOOO buzzing right now. I can't believe NFL players really put this much Skoal in their mouth - you can barely see it on TV. Glad I talked to Brohm last night or I would've looked totally stupid. Lucky he called me and mentioned it! Oh maaaaaannnnn my head is lighter than Lara Flynn Boyle with raging dysentery.

ComeonMattyComeonMatty.... This is the big time. You knew you couldn't lay around with Herm all day. This is it, this is THE throw. Don't worry about anything. This feels good, so effing good. I'm gonna freaking huck this thing 200 yards. There's gonna be a new sex cannon in town, bitches. Woah, did I just swear? That's so cool. I've never done that. Dude, F this "All-American" image in the A!

Poopie! Cucka!

OK, here it comes... gotta project toughness, consistency, and a winning attitude. Maybe if I channel that other Boston legend, that fixture of rough-and-tumble combat... Wait... What's my hand doing? Why is it....

Oh Fuckballs.

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