Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Game On: Iron Ref - Play Through the Pain

Maybe the general election is over, but that doesn't mean you still don't have some important voting to do. Maybe you want to have a vote that actually matters, or maybe you'd like to vote for a winner this time, or maybe you're feeling like piling on and voting for another winner. I know I've got that 'piling on' feeling - but that is mostly a result of a few scotches, some champagne and a really nice cigar at 2am. I feel like I could pile on all over my desk if you get my drift.

Now you have the opportunity to keep making history - by voting for one of the submissions for this week's Iron Ref. Cast your vote in the comments for who best used the secret ingredient:

PLAY THROUGH THE PAIN

Polls close Thursday at 5pm!

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Evan from Stanley Cup of Chowder
We have all seen the NFL Films about the bloody and bruised gladiators of the gridiron or the clips of World Series heroes limping to the plate, but for every Kirk Gibson there are a thousand athletes that will never get to be in a commercial with Spanish from Old School or have their DNA-soaked sock enshrined in Cooperstown.

Ryta Turava

2008 Beijing Olympics Racewalking Competitor

She was walking so fast, she was almost jogging. Then disaster struck. You could see it in her eyes. She was going to lose it. She pulled over to the side of the track and stuck two fingers down her throat. All she could muster was a dry heave. Undaunted, she continued walking. Moments later she accomplished what she set out to achieve. No, she didn’t win the race but she did finally pull the trigger. She would go on finish 11th, destroying her dreams of pseudo sport glory.

Adam

D-3 College Baseball Player


There was a long-standing tradition that the freshman initiation party for the baseball team was on the eve of their first early Saturday morning practice (don’t worry, there was no elephant walk involved). Adam woke up feeling like he had swallowed a boxing kangaroo and reeking like a Mexican brewery. As he finished up his light pre-practice jog, Adam proceeded to unload a nasty concoction of red Gatorade, cheap beer, tequila, and bile, much to the chagrin of his coach whose new sneakers were no longer so shiny and new. Adam’s perseverance proved to be all for not, but you have to respect his desire to play through the pain.

Sarah “Barracuda” Heath

1982 Alaska State Girl’s Basketball Champion Wasilla Warriors

Young Sarah was a fearless defender and by all accounts a pain in the ass on the hardwood. Some even described her as a pit bull with lipstick. Sarah and a scrappy bunch of underdogs from her tiny little town in Northwestern Canada Alaska were ready to take on a team from the big city when Sarah hurt her ankle. Sarah played anyways (She’s a maverick, dontcha know?). She gutted it out and was able to score a meaningless free throw at the end of a game they had already won. 26 years later that little girl is providing the world with comedic gold and cursing every hockey team that dares to step in her path.



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The Russianator
Jack Youngblood once played an entire Super Bowl on a broken leg. Ronnie Lott had part of a finger cut off so he could get back on the field. Tiger Woods won this year's U.S. Open with a torn ACL. And I happened to be in the Vet when Donovan McNabb threw four touchdowns after breaking a leg in 2002. I've seen people play through pain and it's NOTHING compared to the pain Syracuse football fans have endured over the last four years.

We've suffered through 34 losses in the last 43 games and a 3-22 record in the Big East -- yet each home game we venture out into increasingly empty parking lots in crappy weather and we play on.

We attempt to numb our pain by eating massive amounts of Fritos, hot dogs and chili and we fight through the heartburn that accompanies it. We guzzle Mad Dog 20/20 so the impending Greg Robinson lead beating won't feel so bad. Knowing SU is going to lose, we end up debating important issues like who would have a better overall record - Robinson or coach Klein from the Waterboy?

Once inside the Dome, we chase our cheap liquor with warm beer, soggy hot dogs and get hit right in the face with truly horrendous football. The pain doesn't end when the game is over, as we get to suffer through Greg's increasingly insane press conferences.

So to you athletes who may have been injured on the field and played through the pain, I quote Artie Lange and say Waaaaaaaaaaah. Physical pain goes away -- the pain Greg Robinson inflicts lives forever. Don't believe me? We were all gearing up for a "Greg gets fired" press conference on Sunday, but the bastard went out and beat Louisville Saturday night. The pain will not end - pass the Mad Dog....or a Schlitz.

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DMtShooter
This Iron Chef event comes at a terrible time for me. See, I had to put my dog down. Here’s a picture of him the night before he died.


But I’m writing anyway, because I’m just that freaking tough. I play through the pain. Funny thing about pain. It’s entirely dependent on context. If the picture is from last night, you feel bad for me. I mean, I had that dog for 15 years. My kids, especially the youngest, just keep asking about him. It’s terrible.

If the photo is from five years ago, you feel a little uneasy. Turn the page, dude. And if it’s not my dog at all, it means nothing, and you feel really screwed over. Pain is a story. Whether the story is true or false, it’s still… just a story.

So the dog isn’t doing it for you -- well, how about a dying parent? After all, we all felt sorry for Barry Bonds for nearly a full weekend when we heard his dad was terminal. Bonds, of course, kept playing, because that's what Real Men do. Even Jerk Men.


OK, fine, let’s talk Real Pain. Nah, not that phony childbirth thing the Shooter Wife did. I was there, and she wimped out and took the meds, killing any of their chances to be go to an Ivy League school. I'm sorry, Shooter Kids, for your future failures in life. Mom just didn't want it enough.


No, I'm talking about Real Pain. Ath-Ah-Leet Pain. Playing through pain only happens for them, you see. Everyone else either takes the comp time or just, you know, does their freaking job without expecting words like "courage", "gritty" or “role model” to be attached to it. Some, like Five Tool Tool Obsession Allen Iverson, clearly get off on it, because it adds to that Tupacian "Me Against The World" vibe.



Ya see, Playing Through Pain goes both ways. Unless you, the audience, know about it, there's no drama. Without drama, Brett Favre would melt like the Wicked Witch of the West engaging in water sports (Either kind, but for the record, I mean the kind that gets me more sports blog votes. You sick, sick bastards.).So, here's the quick and easy answer for all of the media mouth jobs you will hear for the rest of your life as a consumer of sports-like products.

Unless someone knows about your pain, you can't play through it.

If you are truly tough, no one ever knows you are hurt, because you don’t want to cop to some crappy excuse if you lose. Real men win or lose and get over it.

Besides, if the pain is really so bad, you can always go take a pill or needle for it.

You big girl.


I'd say more about this, but since we've just established that Pain Is Bullshit, Brett Favre (allegedly) enjoys getting peed on, Barry Bonds' dad died for our sins and my wife is waiting for me with a claw hammer, let's wrap this up with the coup de grace for my opponents in this sausage fest.



Taste the pain, bitches!

57 comments:

Mike said...

Stanley Cup Of Chowder - EVAN!

Swaz said...

Evan clearly knows what pain is. Stanley Cup of Chowder undoubtedly has my vote.

DMtShooter said...

It was close, but ACDC swung it to Shooter. At least, for me.

Kevin said...

STANLEY CUP OF CHOWDA ALL DAY BABY

Andrew said...

Stanley Cup of chowder said it all for me. Olympic pseudo-sport athletes give their all....

Mike said...

CHOWDAAAAAAAAH

Andrea said...

Stanley Cup of Chowder gets my vote

Ian said...

Stanley Cup of Chower gets my vote

eeggs84 said...

I'm voting for Stanley cup of chowder all the way... This is Ed so I get 3 votes. They're all for Evan.

The Captain said...

Russianator gets it. Real men ease their pain eith MD 20/20.

The captain

toasty444 said...

As the one that this barfing story was written about, I know what playing through the pain is all about. Evan from stanley cup of chowder takes it home.

JP said...

JAY LOVES STANLEY CUP OF CHOWDER

Hub Hockey said...

Stanley Cup of Chowder

Tracer Bullet said...

I was going with the Russinator for mentioning McNabb's game against the Buzzsaw, but Shooter brought the heat with Brett Favre playing pee games. When he added a video that included little kids taking nut shots, it was all over but the shouting.

Shooter FTW.

Five Tool Ninja said...

I still feel the sympathy pain from Shooter's post, so he gets my vote.

Make it stop!

Matthew said...

Im voting for Stanley Cup of Cowder.... Go Ev!

Russianator said...

I vote me - Greg Robinson is SU fan's personal hell.

Brian said...

Def Stanley Cup of Chowder

Ethan said...

Man Chowder?

Jeph said...

Russianator - he described pain that one goes through willingly and voluntarily (if you consider attendance at an SU football game a willing and voluntary act).

When you opt for pain, you win.

Ethan said...

Stanley Cup of Chowder, MAN CHOWDER

fordrnnr said...

Stanley cup of chowdaaaaaaaaa

CR Dunbar said...

Shooter McGavin

GHABB,Y~! said...

Dry heaving on an international stage pwns everything else. My vote goes to SCOC.

Cornelius Hardenbergh said...

Stanley Cup of Chowder campaigns well, and gets my vote.

Josh said...

Russianator! By far. It's not even close, people. Let's see:

SCoC: Puke jokes.. borrring. Get back to me when you finish your work on the next season of "Drawn Together".
Russianator: Chronicles true and serious agony the likes of which has not been seen since Dresden. Chilling and profound.
Shooter: Way too long, and random image of hot babe clearly meant to distract from the lack of coherent content. Take a ritalin.

So the win goes to B. Hussein Russianator, in a landslide.

Poncho Sinatra said...

When you bring a MD 20/20 reference to the table revolving around the current state of Syracuse football, all pales in comparison.

The RUSSIANATOR gets my vote...

1 vote for every blogger, a true Democracy.

Danny
TheSportHump.com

Brian Harrison said...

No contest. It's the RUSSIANATOR!

BH
Orange::44

Orange Chuck said...

The Russianator wins, Go Orange or Go home

K_Lee said...

Stanley Cup of Chowder!

MariusJanulisForThree said...

Russianator for me!

kbarnes222 said...

SCOC can vomit on me anyday..

dennis said...

Stanley Cup of Chowder takes home this one, i too know what pain is and he has my vote!

jayatlife said...

chowder, beliedat

dennis said...

hands down it is the Stanley Cup of Chowder!

Linkdead said...

I vote for Stanley Cup of Chowder

Brown said...

I vote for the Russianator.

There is nothing worse than powerlessly watching your once-proud franchise fail year after year as the head coach acts like a championship is just a game away.

As a Knicks fan, I can appreciate that kind of misery.

Res Ipsa said...

I was going to vote for Russionator, until I saw that someone named Jeph did.

What kind of name is that?

Oh well, Russionator still gets my vote, as Russionator Means Business.

(with apologies to Natrone Means)

DMtShooter said...

Clearly, my water sports image wasn't graphic enough. Damn you, HHR Editors!

babyboss4 said...

I am with Rush all the way on this. I thought living in NJ was painful. Until this past week when Cuse won ending the great possibility of G-Rob being fired. Now I have to wait until they lose to Rutgers.

The only thing worse than that will be listening to the pretendafans talk smack about their "great program."

irishnd335 said...

Evan and his large cup of STanley's Chowda!!!

COLLEEN said...

stanley cup of chowder. obvi.

Poncho Sinatra said...

The Villages are Florida's friendliest Home town.

Russianator is to Syracuse what Jim Rome's goatee is to douche pudding..

My vote is for the Russian!

Danny
MustacheWonder.org

SUJOE78 said...

I vote the Russianator all the way! The pain of SU Football needs to end.

Champ said...

Russianator all the way.

Robert said...

stanley cup of chowder. Evan is the man.

George Brett's Hot Streak said...

Stanley Cup of Chowder. Is there a theme with his Iron Ref entries? 2 Pukes and a Shart for the win!

Orange Chuck said...

Russiantor-Imagine this, you have one win over a divison 2 opponent(or whatever the heck they call them now) and you are watching Clemson, Tennesee and other schools fire coaches who are winning and have gone to many bowl games and you still have your coach because he beats the one team he is able to beat every year in the Big East. You recruiting is crap and the only bright spot on your team is a senior running back who can only save you so many times. Try wearing your Orange wherever you go and people pointing and laughing at you. You can't even say, well we might have a chance because unless its Louisville we don't. They even messed up a statue to honor the greatest running back to ever play the game and playing the blame game as to who is at fault. You don't know pain until you bleed Orange and thats why Russianator wins this thing hands down.

Russianator said...

Good point Chuck. Chowder is running away with this thing, I'm writing my McCain style concession speech right now. Dayuuum.

bma15 said...

stanley cup of chowder is coming in hot.

the-jumbotron.com said...

its CHOW-DAHR, say it! CHOW-DAHR! tack another one on for evan and stanley cup of chowder.naffi

SmartyBarrett said...

SCOC - chowder facials for everyone!

wesj said...

pseudo sport commentary at it's finest...Stanley Cup o' Chowder it is!

coach14 said...

My vote is for Russinator. Watching SU football under Greg Robinson is like catching your mom having sex with your new stepdad. You know that it exists, but not something you want to see. Adding to that he communtes two to three hours both ways for a game shows the mans dedication to the program.

Tom said...

SCOC... god I look forward to the day we see Milan Lucic face-down in a Stanley Cup of chowder.

tastyatnichols said...

Stanley cup of chowder kicks my jass.

Big and Tasty

red9sox8 said...

The Coach Nadeau reference did it for me.

Stanley Cup of Chowder!