Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Game On: Iron Ref - Rookie Mistake

Iron Ref forges ahead with three new tasty treats for you. And since it's veteran's day, let's celebrate by mocking the those who seek to displace our prized sports veterans. The secret ingredient for this week is:


Hey Rook, how my ass taste?

Scott Sargent

When it comes to the cash, it is widely known that NFL contracts are not guaranteed. Heck, it has been a commonplace excuse for diva wide receivers and the occasional overrated tight end. After all, every down could be your last; so pony up with that multi-million dollar signing bonus, son!

After toting the rock 222 times for over 1,200 yards and 16 touchdowns, Maurice Clarett had the future of a rock star. National Championship, boys with LeBron James and a potential record contract. The world by the balls, if you will. That is, until he showed up at an NFL Combine looking more like an actual rock, getting toasted in the 40-yard dash by defensive lineman and long snappers alike. That’s where we are able to hear the poetic words of Mr. Clarett:

"It's a humbling thing being humble."

It sure is, Mo.

Shakespeare he was not, Clarett shocked the world when he was selected by Captain Running back himself, Mike Shanahan. And what was the first move made by the washed up former Buckeye during his rookie campaign? Of course, it was turning down nearly half of a million dollars in guaranteed money. Clarett instead opted for a deal that would pay him “first-round money” after he rushed for over 1,000 yards…multiple times.

Since turning down the bonus, and ultimately being released to never be heard from again, Clarett has tried his hardest to earn/get that money back.

  • January 1, 2006: Clarett robbed two individuals, with a .45 caliber gun, and ended up with a cell phone worth a whopping $150. Start keeping a running total…
  • February 10, 2006: Aggravated robbery with a gun, again,

And then the home run…

  • August 9, 2006: Clarett was found with a loaded AK-47, a katana, two other hand guns and the secret weapon: Grey Goose Vodka. Oh, and a lint roller. Of course, this was all after an illegal U-Turn and driving over tire spikes. The Taser was ineffective thanks to the Kevlar suit, but the police would ultimately win the battle.

And the best part of the whole arrest? Clarett, at the time, only had one shoe on when he was arrested. Odds are, he would have been able to afford a whole pair had he just taken that damned signing bonus.


Dewey Hammond
This video made exclusively for Iron Ref on behalf of Blogimore Ravens, which is both the worst Ravens blog on the Internet and also the best I have to offer.

Sometimes even veterans are susceptible to rookie mistakes, but not all rookies fall prey to the banana peels of life in the crosshairs.


Michael Rand of Randball
When looking for last-minute inspiration, I naturally thought of Monday Night Football, then thought of a man with his pants down, and suddenly I was there.

Er, um.

Yes. Mike Singletary. The very coaching definition of rookie mistake. Two of them in one game. His first game as a head coach. You cannot, as they say, make it up.

San Francisco 49ers interim coach Mike Singletary dropped his pants in the locker room during halftime of last Sunday's game against the Seahawks, a team spokesperson confirmed Friday.

Apparently, Singletary - who was wearing boxers - pulled down his pants in an effort to motivate his team, which was losing 20-3 at the half.

"I used my pants to illustrate that we were getting our tails whipped . . . and how humiliating that should feel for all of us," Singletary said in a statement.

The 49ers went on to lose, 34-13. It was his first game as head coach since taking over for the fired Mike Nolan on Oct. 20.

Rule No. 1: Do not berate your players publicly. While it makes for titilating hours of blogging and SportsCenter-watching, it does not grant you any locker room authority. It just separates players and makes them wonder if they can trust you. Go ahead and yell in the locker room. Pull together private meetings. Tell Vernon Davis to go stand in the corner at a barbeque. But never lose it for everyone to see.

Rule No. 2: Do not pull your pants down if you are associated with the NFL. That simple. Did we learn nothing from Mark Chmura and/or Santonio Holmes? Also, specifically: do not use one-third of your allotted halftime to point at your buttocks while your coachpants hang by your ankles. That's just poor clock management. Even Denny Green can see that.

Singletary strikes me as a man who couldn't wait to take charge but didn't quite think through what he was going to do when he got there. That, folks, defines a rookie mistake.



Dan Parker said...


Ethanator1088 said...

I know I will never get on the front page of Yardbarker again, but Scott has it for me. That was a huge Rookie Mistake. Well Played Sir. :-)

Chris said...

Scott's story was definitely the best.

David said...

Scott Penelope Sargent

DMtShooter said...

The rookie mistake in Blogfrica is voting against Dewey. Once you are off that Yardbarker teat, you go hungry for the rest of your whole damn life. Besides, he can always send vengeful competitive eaters over to your house to swallow your fridge whole.

eno said...

Scott and Shoeless Mo.

rick@waitingfornextyear said...

the ballad of Mo earns Scott the win...

Samuel said...

I gotta go with Scott.

Anonymous said...

Definitely Scott.

I'm Ron Burgundy? said...

Scott and his sexy five o clock shadow get the call.

Also, the word verification for this comment is "hottie", which I find ironic and erotic at the same time.

Just like Mo Clarett.

CJG said...


Anonymous said...

Scott wins

FilteringCraig said...

Scott FTW

Leslie said...


roughkat said...

RandBall. Not only was he the best but he has the best name.

Michael, my check's in the mail, right?

Bobby said...

Scott Sarge

Anonymous said...


George said...

Scott. I thought he was eliminated already though?

Ian said...


Kevin said...

ima go witha Sgt. Scott

Kevin said...

my vote is for Sgt. Scott - good wordage.