Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Fat Willard fixes the WBC (and the All-Star game because he is in a giving mood)


Fat Willard is back. Piss off, I've been busy. See, look, busy.

The other night I was up at 4 a.m. with a head cold that NyQuil and vodka wasn't able to squash. I caught the replay of Team USA verses the Netherlands. It wasn't terribly boring. It needed help. It needed something that a Randall Simon bat swing to the Team USA mascot (Is there one? Can there be one?) couldn't even fix.

I needed a reason to care. Sure it was fun watching an American team of major leaguers play together but I can see that during an All-Star game or Rock N' Jock challenge. So, I grabbed a pen and pad and started jotting down some ideas to make the WBC a more interesting venture for all involved. I also jotted down my thoughts on the lyrics to Blinded by the Ligh but I passed out before I really got a sound idea going.

Here are three simple ideas to make the WBC a much more interesting concept..

The Winning All-Star team becomes Team USA

This America. Home of democracy. People vote on the All-Stars and they are usually the best players in the league. Why wouldn't they be Team USA? Seems simple. For those All-Stars who aren't American born, they play for their country and Team USA takes next top vote getters to fill roster spots. Let's be honest, the All-Star representative from Pittsburgh could care less if he wins or loses in the All-Star game and about home team advantage in a World Series he might not even get on regular TV in Pittsburgh (don't they all live in mines out there? Reception must be horrendous). But if he is playing for a spot on Team USA. Might be a different story.

This adds some much needed excitement to the All-Star game, with the winning squad making up Team USA. If you get voted in, and don't want to play, then you can't play in either.

WBC should be played in October with only major league players who aren't in playoffs

One of the big complaints about the WBC is that players are asked to be 'game ready' too soon. It could lead to injury and burns them out before the season starts. Horsecocks. Larry Jones would have hurt himself just as easily in Braves spring training. I will say that a player being away from his team does ruin team chemistry. (Side tangent about team chemistry--bare with me. People will argue that chemistry is a load but it plays a huge part in just how well a team plays during the season. I am not saying everyone on the roster has to love one another but there has to be some degree of "I don't like this selfish prick but he will help this team reach a goal and I'll tolerate him if it means winning." Looking right at you Man-Ram. This all gets ironed out during spring training, when guys are rooming together, shooting pool together, hanging out and thanking christ they don't actually play all their games in Florida and Arizona. Sorry D-Backs and Marlins-your towns blow.)

So, eliminate the bitching of players, managers, owners, trainers, and Vinny from the Bronx calling into sports talk radio and start the WBC after the baseball regular season. The players are already in baseball shape. For those players who are in the playoffs, sorry, you are ineligable to play. Cry me a creek, you are in the playoffs. Suck it up.

WBC winner plays MLB champion to win the real WORLD SERIES

The title of World Series Champion has always been ironic considering the teams are only from the MLB, no other countries are involved, and the games never leave the continental US. Of course, the World Series was invented in the late 1800's when America was an egotistical, world-dominating prick (ah, the good ole' days).

Let's start finding out who the real "World Champions" of baseball. Winner of the MLB Championship versus the winner of the World Baseball Classic. Three game series in a neutral location. Winner take all. If you don't think the MLB champs are going to play their hearts out against a Puerto Rico or Cuban team for example, and that any of these countries wouldn't treat it like a WORLD WAR, then you need to brush up on the Bay of Pigs, Pearl Harbor or at least rent Rocky 4.

By writing this, I am allowing Major League Baseball to take and use any or all of my suggestions. Baseball fans want to care about the WBC but right now it's only televised spring training.

And do the bases always spin like that or was that the coal tar kicking in?

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