Tuesday, June 30, 2009

5 reasons MLB should show people running onto the field

This weekend, while unpacking my life from boxes, I caught the Braves and Sox on TBS.

In the ninth, a fan ran onto the field and the few minutes of hijinx seemed to delight the crowd. Sure it was a real drama (and could have been a momentum) killer for Braves with the Sox down one run with two out but once the dude was caught it was back to baseball business.

During the melee, the announcers reminded us that they "don't show this sort of thing on television."

Well why the Frank White not? I know they claim it will just encourage others fans to attempt it. Bull. Just because I see some drunk make a fool of himself in front of enourmous crowd doesn't mean I'll attempt the same. I'll save my drunk gate crashing for weddings and bat mitzvahs.

MLB should show fans running onto the field. Here is why:

1) The guy usually gets jacked up by security- If I don't see the whole thing go down, I'm assuming the guy runs around like a jackass, finally gets caught by his shirt tale, security grabs his arms and gingerly escorts him off the field. In reality, the fella usually gets his rear-end handed to him, forced to the ground, cuffed, and pulled off the field like a kid at the mall who just knocked over an entire shelf of Yankee Candles. If people see how brutal the guy is treated, it will make even the punchiest drunk think twice.

2) It's free entertainment- This is what drives me nuts; they won't show the jackass running around second base with his pants falling down but they will show fan and player reaction to the whole situation. That is like going to the movies and facing the crowd. It's torture. We are invested in viewing the game just like the fan's in attendance. We should get the whole show. It's also free entertainment for the fans. It's much more enjoyable than those annoying between innings quizes. Oh, that's how many people are in attendance and also paid way to much money to see this overpaid group of hacks. Good to know.

3) Public ridicule- When Joe Drunk gets to work on Monday and coworkers asks "How was your weekend?" he probably won't divulge he was locked in the clink getting grab-assed by a bunch of seedy fellas. If you put the fence jumpers face on TV, his punishment will go way beyond a night on a cot. He could lose his job, an embarassed girlfriend and his dignity. Especially if he gets his ass handed to him by a bunch of rent-a-fuzz.

4) People love drunks- Fail pics. YouTube vids. ESPN roasts. Think of the countless hours of entertainment too much booze brings into our lives. If you told me that a Sunday game between the Pirates and Reds had the possibility of at least three drunken fans storming the field I'd watch from first pitch to final out. It makes a boring game at least tolerable. Add drunk players and the Buckos might finally sell out!

5) To justify announcer's salaries- Honestly, I could go an entire televised game without a peep from the booth but I'd take the TV off mute if these jokers had to do play-by-play of some guy getting chased around the field for five minutes. Most of them mail it in every broadcast anyway. Make them earn their paycheck. I'd love to listen to McCarver say things like "To avoid getting caught, a person must 'run faster' than security. What do I mean by 'run faster'?" Joe Morgan would probably tell a story about a guy rushing the field at a game he wasn't even alive for. Think of the possibilities.


Chris Illuminati is a jackass. Read more of his stuff here.



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3 comments:

Meghan said...

The beauty of YouTube and camera phones is now you can see drunken idiots running onto the field. You just have to go a little out of your way.

Kurt said...

Let the drunken fandom into the light. I agree 100% with jackass.

Tim Graham said...

I was at that braves game this weekend. Security had him wrapped around the legs, while another wrapped him around the neck and drove him straight to the ground. Pretty intense.