The Cynic’s Guide to College Football, Week 13

A Florida State football player wins a prestigious award—for academics. Notre Dame loses at home on Senior Day to an 8-loss Syracuse with a lame-duck coach. Guns n’ Roses releases a new album. All things that, ten years ago, we never thought we would see. Yet they all happened this weekend, showing that when you expect the unexpected, bad things sometimes happen. (Except the GNR album—much to my surprise, it’s actually pretty freakin’ good.)

1. Win One for Ty. Or Not.

Thanks to the brilliant foresight of FSN, the entire country was able to see last week’s Washington/Washington State game. Fortunately for them, there are enough people across the country who like watching train wrecks to make the game palatable. The Sporting News put it best, when they called the game “essential viewing of the most desperate sort, like watching two homeless men fight over the last can of Sterno in an alley. You'll hate yourself for watching it, you really will ... but you won't be able to look away, either.” Really, as bad as these teams are, was there really any way for it to be decided but a missed field goal in the second OT?

Secretly obtained photo of Washington special teams practice.

Washington still has one chance to save its season with a 12/7 game at California. Anyone want to take that bet?

2. Remember That Time When Notre Dame Was Relevant?

Early in the fourth quarter, Notre Dame led Syracuse by a score of 23-10. And then the epic choke began. Syracuse came back to win 24-23. So which is the worst part of this week’s loss for Notre Dame?

(A) The Domers had more penalty yards (50) than rushing yards (41)
(B) They had their first loss ever to a team with eight losses.
(C) The ND players were pelted with snowballs from their own “fans” (and I use that term very loosely)
(D) The Irish likely played themselves out of an invite to the Gator Bowl in sunny Orlando and into a trip to the Sun Bowl in El Paso.
(E) All of the above.

The Sun Bowl is nice, but it’s no Olive Garden Never-Ending Pasta Bowl

3. No Cupcakes on This Thanksgiving Table

Florida vs. The Citadel?!?!? What the hell?!?!?! This is the time of the year for turkey, dressing and enough desserts to make your coronary arteries beg for mercy. September is the month for cupcakes. Get it right, Gators.

Well, I guess there is one way to have both.

4. That’s Alright, That’s OK, You’ll Be Working for Him Someday

In a follow-up to a story we wrote about last week, Florida State safety Myron Rolle was one of 32 American students to be awarded a Rhodes Scholarship last Saturday. He received the word at 5:22 pm EST, had a police escort to the airport and were airborne at 6:15. Rolle made it to College Park, MD and, courtesy of another police escort, was at the stadium and suited up late in the second quarter. Florida State then rolled to a 37-3 victory.

Congrats to Mr. Rolle. It’s very rare that I get to use the phrases “bigtime college football player” and “police escort” in the same story and have it actually be something positive.


Rolle had an even better day than this guy.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

The Cynic: This Guy is Way Smarter Than You

November 20, 2008. Remember this date in history. It may well be the first and only time the NCAA did something right by a student-athlete. The NCAA approved a waiver for Florida State safety Myron Rolle to take a private jet to the Seminoles’ game at Maryland Saturday night. The reason for the unusual travel: Saturday afternoon Rolle will be interviewing for a Rhodes Scholarship. For those who don’t know, a Rhodes Scholarship is like the Heisman Trophy, an Academy Award and the super-hot girl’s phone number all rolled into one. Except for really, really smart people. Only 32 students from across the country will be chosen for the Scholarship and the opportunity to study at Oxford University.

Albert was a heck of a DB himself.

I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent person. (Made all A’s and B’s in college. Graduated summa cum laude. Made Phi Beta Kappa. Now a gainfully employed and productive member of society.) But I can’t hold a candle to this guy.

Rolle graduated from FSU in 2 ½ years with a degree in pre-med and a 3.75 GPA. He is working on his Master’s degree and wants to continue his study in medical anthropology (whatever that is). Last summer, he was given a $4,000 grant for cancer biomedical research. He helps tutor his teammates and has written for the New York Times. And just for kicks, last year he started a program to help educate Seminole Indian children about the importance of health and physical fitness. (So what have you done lately?)

Take a good look: there’s a very good chance that this man will be your boss (or doctor or president) someday.

On behalf of all our HHR staffers (who now feel like complete slackers), we would like to wish Mr. Rolle the best of luck in his interview tomorrow. For all the bad and cynical things we sometimes report from the world of college football, it’s a good reality check to remember that the vast majority of college football players are good guys who are trying to do the right things. Rolle just happens to be at the very top of that list.