Fantasy "Expert" Brandon Funston Must Know He's Full of Poop

The term fantasy expert is a plain old farce. Yet, some people can honestly believe they have an inkling more knowledge than the casual fan because they can read stats better or quicker or more in depth or something.

And those people can keep a straight face when others refer to them with such an elaborate title and hand them a check. That's really what sets fantasy experts apart - the ability to not laugh at the naïveté of the public and their bosses.

Take Brandon Funston for example. Just this week he advised Yahoo players to not just sit Plax Burress, but to drop him altogether after his paltry start. If that's not mailing in a segment, I don't know what is.


The former inmate (Plax not Fun) responded with a breakout game that included 3 TDs.

I can't wait to hear Fun lament next week about grabbing Plax off the waiver wires after he and Sanchize have turned a corner and become more familiar with one another. Likely he'll have to hold in his amusement of knowing how full of poop it all is.

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Plax's Prison Baby

Apparently, Plaxico Burress was knockin dem boots from behind bars, as ESPN point out he's the father of a one-year-old.

He got into a black Range Rover and headed to the nearby Lodge at Turning Stone Resort where he was reunited with his wife, Tiffany, and his son Elijah, 4, and daughter Giovanna, 1. Burress hugged his children before heading into the resort.

Hopefully, Plax's prison allowed for conjugal visits, or else, Tiffany, choo got some 'splainin to do!

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A Cowboy Nation Rolls out the "Thug Awards"

Our friends over at A Cowboy Nation asked us to help nominate some very deserving NFLers for their series of "Thug Awards" that they will be rolling out throughout the remaining duration of the playoffs.

Today we start with the "Plaxico Award...given to the one person most deserving of being shot."

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And the Bottle Accidentally Explodes in Your Pocket

Reader "As Tough" from North Carolina was amazed that Big Apple football propaganda is available south of the Mason-Dixon line, but more surprised at the accuracy displayed:

"Pepsi bottle. Life like pics. Can almost make out his gunshot wound."

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Plax Goes "Soccer Mom Status" To Avoid Paparazzi

Courtesy of the Daily News is one of the great photos in recent memory. Days after his gun snafu and subsequent suspension for the rest of the season Plaxico Burress is seen leaving his house in this large conversion van. I'm assuming this baby has a VCR and 10 inch video monitor. Not to mention captain chairs and room for 8. Who's getting the kids from soccer practice today? Plax is.

SHOCKING NEW REVELATION IN BURRESS GUN CASE

Gerry Dorsey of World Weekly News is reporting that "Burress Blames Leprechaun for Injury."

After taking counsel with his lawyer, Burress finally surrendered to the police on Monday, with an explanation they were not expecting: Burress was aiming at a leprechaun who had been getting fresh with his wife!

Weekly World News tracked the leprachaun down for his side of the story. Seamus O’Shaughnessy said to reporters “I dinnea lay a hand on the lass tha’ she dinnea want! She made the first move sure as I’m standin’ here! He asked for an apology, an’ sure enough he got it! Not my fault if the daftie tripped over his sweatpants an nearly blew off his John Thomas.”

Photo: World Weekly News

Plax in Print

Oh what a field day the New York media is having with poor Burress...

Skins honor their thug, Giants move on without theirs

Almost a year ago today I wrote: "As the sports world spends the day mourning the passing of Sean Taylor, my family and I spent the holiday weekend mourning the passing of a close relative, a WWII veteran and great man in our lives. While our idolization of sports stars and celebrities helps us to escape from the reality of our lives, in honesty, it is just that - a fantasy."

This morning, Outside the Lines, in the wake of the latest Plax Burress fiasco, featured its look on "Athletes and Guns."

Ironically, among the incidents mentioned in the ESPN piece was the 2005 Sean Taylor gun charges.

Hours later the Washington Redskins, as so many in the nation's capital are fond of doing, re-wrote history. More specifically, they propagated that aformentioned fantasy, as they inducted the gun-waving, sobriety test-failing, Michael Pittman-spitting Meast into their Ring of Honor, which "which honors those who have made distinguished contributions to the team."

Sure, it's a shame that a man who rarely flaunted his wealth, had few enemies and hung with a pristine crowd was the target of a totally "random" robbery.

But does untimely death negate every bad deed, every low-class action and socially harmful behavior a person commits enough to create the bullshit assertion that this person deserves to be honored in the most reverant way the team has?

What does that say about the organization and the fans that support it?

Mourn Taylor, don't honor his deeds.