In case you missed it last night during the Magic's defeat of the Boston Celtics in Game 1 of their playoff series, Dwight Howard of the Magic just destroyed a shot by Ray Allen into the crowd behind the basket. Howard is no stranger to shot blocks, but this one looked like he was about to jump out of the gym.
Two things that made me realize this was a little extra special.
First was Marv Albert's call. Marv has been around the game a while now and doesn't break out the high enthusiasm unless it was warranted - and he got up on this one.
Second, watch as Howard uses his left hand as a support...on the backboard! You know you are getting up when you are bracing yourself on the backboard after smacking someone's shot in the stands. Howard looks like he came in off a trampoline, but I guess that's why they call him Superman.
While some pointed to obvious selections including the Griffeys, the Bondses, the Boones, immediately one family jumped out at us...
The Agilars
Kelly Leak was clearly the Bears team MVP in '76, if not that of the North Valley League. The addition of hurler Amanda Whurlitzer, whose infamous spitter somehow went undetected, undoubtedly was the boost the team needed to make them serious contenders. The pure grit and emotion of one Tanner Boyle kept the kids in line and focused on the ultimate prize. However, the true moral fiber behind the so-called "Bad News" Bears was the brother combination of Luis and Miguel Agilar, who when they put there foot down against wearing athletic supporters due to their Catholic upbringing, showed true leadership and determination in standing up to authority, not just sticking up for their personal beliefs, but becoming a unifying voice for the fractured team.
Here are some other noteworthy sports bloodlines:
The O'Sheas - Kevin, Danny & Becky
Becky "Ice Box" O'Shea carries on the O'Shea Gridiron Legacy.
Kevin and Danny O'Shea. One was a star athlete. One was a star towel boy. One became a successful car dealership owner, married a smoking hot wife, and is the pride and joy of his hometown. The other owned his own auto repair shop, his wife dies, and he raises a young girl (Becky) who tackles boys and gets the nickname the 'Ice Box'. Eventually the two men's lives must collide. And where better than a Pee Wee football field with the psyche and self esteem of 9 year-old kids on the line. One will emerge the victor. One will lose but become the better man.
The Shuttlesworths - Jesus and Jake.
If ever there was a personification of John Updike's Flick Webb, it would have to be Jake Shuttlesworth. Only instead of working the pumps and inner tubes of an old garage, Jake is entrapped behind bars to reminisce of his finer days on the court, while his even more talented and bitter son Jesus, taunts him with his ability and resentment. Regardless, the Shuttlesworths, despite all of their faults and personal demons, has to be among the most talented father-son combos in hardwood and blacktop history.
The Dudleys - Bubba Ray, Devon, Spike, Sign Guy, Dances With, Little Snot, Chubby, Dudley and the late Big Dick (et. al.)
When you think of famous wrestling families, the Poffos, Von Erichs, Andersons, Rougeaus and Harts surely come to mind. However, while not the "first" family of sports entertainment, misfit band offspring of traveling salesman "Big Daddy" Dudley, the Dudley Boyz are certainly the most violent and far reaching, thanks to Big Daddy's occupation.
The Browns - Mack & Stepson Chris Jessie
While not technically a bloodline, who are we to define for society what does and doesn't constitute a "family?" Truth be told we don't need folks like the NGLBT Task Force on our asses offering definitions for us. So let's call this tandem indeed a "family."
Jesse until recently has been over-shadowed by Brown, one of the highest paid and successful coaches at various stops in college football. So he didn't wait for the spotlight to shine on him, he grabbed it by the longhorns.
The Gramaticas - Bill, Martin & Santiago
The legendary Gramatica family was the kicker position's answer to Chad Johnson and Terrell Owens. Their celebratory nature after even the most mundane kicks elevated them to cult-like status for South American former soccer players everywhere. Until one day it all came crashing down on the right knee of Bill. Once the pride of Argentina, the Gramaticas are now a mere blue print of all that is wrong with idiot kickers. Today the reclaiming of the lost legacy lies on the thunder toe of eldest brother Martin as he attempts to ignite the floundering New Orleans Saints franchise with that legendary Gramatica style and flair.
Be sure to check out HHR Monday afternoons and Thursday mid-day at Epic Carnival where we present a bi-weekly piece inspired by the chief's power rankings, The 4th Estate: A Jackson Pollack of Sarcasm. Below is the piece we contributed at EC this past Monday.
------
Some times, the 4th Estate can just crap on the MSM without scribbling all over it's published work.
Conversation with Fat Willard had me thinking of something along those lines. So, to share with our new EC readers three of our favorite HHR segments - Ariel's pop culture prowess, the chief's knack for all that is wrong with those who make cash entertaining us, and Ren's Ten (ten items from a loosely related sports theme), the staff at HHR presents:
Actors who had no business playing the athlete roles they were cast in.
Let's address the obvious right away. Daniel E. 'Rudy' Ruettiger is listed at being 5'7". Sean "Lynn McGill" Astin is 5'6". Plus, [insert Notre Dame football joke here] the way the Irish are playing right now, a little-ball-of-go like Astin might be what the squad needs. Rudy, is not on this list.
Tom Cruise, All the Right Moves.
Don't get me wrong...helluva movie. But let's keep it real. At 5'7" with lifts and his Caucasian heritage, are you going to really try to sell me on Tom Cruise being a top college recruit vying for a scholarship? At d-back? At least they made up for it with realism in other casting with Craig T. Nelson as the obligatory evil high school football coach, Leah Thompson as the obligatory 80's high school sweetheart and the original Fat Willard, Chris Penn as the obligatory high school jock knocking up his main squeeze.
Pool hustler, fighter pilot, race car driver, I'm buying. Not this.
Speaking of evil coaches and short white footballers...
Scott Caan, Varsity Blues.
Dude's 5'4". He's the go-to-receiver from 37-year-old high school quarterback Dawson "Mox" Leary? Good actor, but stick with a drunken 5'4" bar fighter like in under-rated Dallas 362.
(It should be noted that in consulting with the HHR staff, many came to Tweeter's defense, citing his all-around toughness, and as the Rev. put it, "Especially considering he was playing through with multiple VD’s.")
Craig Sheffer, The Program
Here's a movie that my high school team would watch to get all jacked up before games (really). We would utter lines about knocking the snot bubbles out of our opponents, rounding up the doggies and one a-hole on our team actually tried the "laying on the yellow lines in the middle of a road" bit (I guess the distributer had a point when they had that scene pulled from the movie after it was released). Not a bad casting job all around. Lats was fantastic, as was Mack. I am guessing that Wesley Snipes was unavailable, so the part of Darnell Jefferson went to Omar Epps. However, their field general/Heisman hopeful part went to 33-year-old Craig Sheffer. At that age, Vincenzo Testaverde had already been on 17 pro teams. Let's just say Kane was not able.
Son, you're older than I am.
Ray Allen, He Got Game
Here's another case where the movie was good. But could you not find a better actor to line up opposite one of the best (albeit he plays himself in every film) actors of our generation in Denzel Washington besides Ray Allen? I mean sure, Jesus Shuttleworth (best movie name) - A for effort - but his acting was simply horrendous, and this is only magnified when you got him on screen with someone like Washington.
Jesuschristman! I can't work with you amateurs.
Matthew Modine, Vision Quest
Ok, you get to choose to believe one of these.
1) Matthew Modine is a champion high school wrestler 2) Matthew Modine can score with Linda Fiorentino
That's a trick question, you can't believe either. But not only does he wrestle, and get the hot older babe, he beats the neandethal Kuch an undefeated Drago-like monster who could pound him into chutney. He should stick to playing Doctors in sports movies (Any Given Sunday).
(Side note- Look up Vision Quest on IMDB. Under Plot Keywords the first phrase is "Male Nudity". Whhhaaaaa???)
Bill Bellamy, Any Given Sunday
At least Steamin' Willie Beaman's Jaime Foxx was a legitimate high school QB. Now, I have no knowledge as to Bellamy's athletic history, but what the hell - was Todd Pinkston not available? Bad enough you have a 70 year old LT playing the defensive leader of your squad.
Ken "Wiseguy" Wahl, The Wanderers
Yeah I know, not a sports movie. So how do gangs agree to settle disputes with pressure from local mafioso big wigs on a football field in the climactic ending? The gangs just happen to have some neighborhood teams they toss together, including some killer cheerleaders on the Del Bombers' sideline. This movie was so ridiculous that I loved it. But what an unathletic bunch, lead by Wahl.
Anthony Perkins, Fear Strikes Out
Not taking anything away from Perkins, because he is a fine actor. But he is terrible at pretending to be a ballplayer. Check the clip for Perkins 'swing' and his sprint around the bases.
Another reason people discredit Perkins in the role is because...well...I'll let Jimmy himself explain that one... He seems like his head is on straight these days though.
Adam Sandler, The Longest Yard (2005)
The original is a favorite of mine. Like many, I feel this movie should have never been remade. Worse than that, how do you replace an icon of masculinity like Burt Reynolds with an icon of lunacy and baby-talk like the Excited Southerner? Hibbity, hibbity hoo.
Photo: trendhunter.com / Direct TV
Oliver Platt, Ready to Rumble
It's hard discussing this movie because in my mind it doesn't exist. But if it did, this is how it went down:
Studio Exec 1- "What's hot right now?"
Studio Exec 2- "Wresting is pretty hot. Let's try and make some money off the idiot imbreds that think its real."
Studio Exec 1- "Sounds good. What do we do?"
Studio Exec 2- Wellllll, it seems simple from what I have seen. The champ gets screwed by the promoter and another guy who wants to be champ. He gets mad and retires...better yet...goes into hiding he is so embarrassed.
Studio Exec 1- Wait, why would he hide, it's wrestling, it all fixed. He doesn't really lose anything.
Studio Exec 2- I know...but it doesn't matter...Anyway, he goes and hides and these two loveable wrestling fan idiots find him and make him comeback to retain his title.
Studio Exec 1- That is easily the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I love it. Who could we get to play the loveable losers.
Studio Exec 2- Hmmmm....How about David Arquette?
Studio Exec 1- LOVE IT!!! Who else?
Studio Exec 2- Hmmmmm.....Scott Caan?
Studio Exec 1- Jimmy Caan's kid? Isn't he like 5'1? I can maybe see him as a WR or maybe a....
Studio Exec 2- Trust me, the kids love him. And I got the perfect guy for the Champ. This guy is 100% man. He is a great actor. He looks like an adonis. Chiseled from stone. Catches lighting in a bottle. You see this guy, you think "championship wrestler"
Studio Exec 1- "Tell me, Tell me...christ you got me all moist."
