Ren's Ten: Coaches & Execs' Cards

A few weeks back I did a Ren's Ten segment title "Cleaning out the Garage." I promised more editions featuring the collectibles I rescued from my parents disposal.

Today, I offer sports cards featuring players who ended up coaches or executives, and opine on whether or not their transition has been successful.

White-Collar Success

Player: Joe Dumars
Position: Pistons’ President of Basketball Operations.
Notes: 2002-03 NBA Executive of the Year; 2004 NBA World Championship
Card: 1994 Skybox "Showdown Series" #SS10

Player: Avery Johnson
Position: Mavs’ Head Coach
Notes: Fastest Coach to both 100 and 150 wins; 2006 NBA Coach of the Year; 2006-07 NBA Best Record (Playoff Upset by #8 Seed)
Card: 1993-94 Upper Deck #328

Player: Steve Largent
Position: President and CEO of the CTIA -The Wireless Association
Notes: While he failed in his bid at executive office, Governor of Oklahoma in 2002, it is hard to say that a former Hall of Fame athlete who went on to serve as a four-term Congressman and currently as president and CEO of a trade association could be billed as anything less than an successful executive.
Card: 1990 Score (Record Breakers) #592

Middle of the Road / TBD

Player: Mo Cheeks
Position: 76ers Head Coach
Notes: We will give him the benefit of the doubt considering he went from the Jailblazers to managing an ensemble constructed by the as-of-today unemployed Billy King. Not the two most envious NBA jobs in the world.
Card: 1992 NBA Hoops #2

Player: Joel Skinner
Position: Cleveland Indians' 3rd Base Coach
Notes: While it is easy to signal out Skinner as a failure due to his most recent gaffe in Game 7 of the 2007 American League Champion Series, Skinner looks to have a history as a minor league coaching stud:

• 1995: New York-Penn League Manager of the Year
• 1997: Carolina League Manager of the Year
  
• 1998 : USA Today Baseball Weekly's Minor League Manager of the Year
  
• 2000: Baseball America and The Sporting News Minor League Manager of the Year; International League Manager of the Year honors

Let's do something in the Bigs can we?
Card: 1989 Fleer #270

Player: Ozzie Guillen
Position: Chicago White Sox Manager
Notes: As known for his mouth and erratic behavior as for his leadership qualities, Ozzie did lead his team to the 2005 World Series title. That is however, his squad's only playoff appearance with him at the helm.
Card: 1988 Donruss #137

Player: Glenn "Doc" Rivers

Position: Boston Celtics' Head Coach
Notes: The 2000 NBA Coach of the Year with the Orlando Magic, Doc never really had the pieces or chemistry or continuity to make a strong run deep into the playoffs. This year, of course, being a notable exception.
Card: 1990 SkyBox #7

Player: John Paxson
Position: Chicago Bulls General Manager
Notes: While I want to throw him in the following batch, Paxson has made as many great moves, particularly in the draft, as he has boneheaded ones, particularly via trade. The teams, while loaded with talent, have yet to crack the upper echelon of the NBA, despite being perennially poised to in recent years, especially in the Leastern Conference.
Card: 1989 NBA Hoops #89.

Laughing Stocks

No, I am not Fred Gwynne

Player: Kevin McHale
Position: Minnesota TWolves' Vice President of Basketball Operations
Notes: We made no bones about it here at HHR. It's been sometime since the NBA interested us. We could rip into McHale, but it would probably end up looking like some rehashed Sports Guy template. But because we recognize what a boob KMac is, BOOYAH! We asked good buddy and our goto guy for NBA insight and humor, Benjamin L. Pray over at Stu Scott's Lazy Eye, to give us his thoughts...

Kevin McHale is a terrible talent evaluator: from 1996-2005, exactly TWO of his picks (out of 15) remain in the NBA: Wally Sczerbiak and Rasho Nesterovic. Of course, that total would be higher if he hadn't brokered a secret deal with Joe Smith and robbed his team of FOUR first round picks. McHale actually drafted both Ray Allen and Brandon Roy, but then traded them both away on draft day for inferior players (Marbury and Foye). McHale is supposedly a vaunted teacher of footwork and post-play, but how many Timberwolves have benefited from his tutelage? Kevin Garnett is essentially a small forward, favoring fade-aways and jumpers over trips to the free-throw line. Can you name a single productive center from McHale's tenure? Who has he helped blossom into a good player, other than KG (note: not Mike Olowokandi or Eddie Griffin)? Free agency has also been a disaster for McHale. Last year's savior Mike James lasted one season. Troy Hudson wasn't quite worth the 37 million Kevin gave him. Sam Cassell and Latrell Spreewell both performed well for a year, but Sam was swapped for the more expensive and less productive Marko Jaric while Spree wasn't resigned.Kevin McHale traded for Mark Blount and Ricky Davis. Kevin McHale allowed his team to begin training camp with 8 small forwards, leaving the point to Sebastian Telfair and Marko Jaric. Kevin McHale's only good decisions have been to cover up for his bad ones: buying out Troy Hudson, re-trading Davis and Blount, trading Trenton Hassell, Buying out Juwan Howard etc. How bad is Kevin McHale? His worst contract has been forced into playing this year, as McHale's roster is so bad, there is simply no one better than Mark Madsen to play minutes at Center. Ouch.

Cool as the other side of the pillow.

Card: 1991 NBA Hoops (All-Star) #255


Player: Isaiah Thomas
Position: New York Knicks Head Coach and President of Basketball Operations
Notes: Of everyone on this list, Zeke has spent the most time in the news as of late and is, by far, the most polarizing and criticized. So, the only tidbit I will rehash here on his post-playing career is this: One of Isaiah's nicknames as a player is listed as the "Baby-Faced Assassin."
Raptors, CBA, Pacers, Knicks, female co-workers, white ticket holders. Still appropriate.
Card: 1992 NBA Hoops (All-Star) #303

---

Interesting list here: Best General Managers In Sports
Obviously, I know nothing.

Ren's Ten: Follow-up - The Miracle of St. Anthony and The Ballad of Big Mike

In my initial Ren's Ten: Summer Reading List, I mentioned 2 high-school-related sports books that I thoroughly enjoyed and encouraged you to pick up: Adrian Wojnarowski's The Miracle of St. Anthony: A Season with Coach Bob Hurley and Basketball's Most Improbable Dynasty; and Michael Lewis' The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game. I mentioned that Miracle "is great because it transcends sports and takes a look at the struggles and hardships of a community where little is offered in terms of advancement outside of athletic success...After reading the book, I found myself pulling for these kids (well some of them), started following what they were doing in College."

Seems that the boys from both books are doing alright for themselves.

The trial and tribulations of the St. Anthony crew, while not producing earth-shatteringly spectacular headlines, nonetheless cements Coach Bob Hurley's place in heaven. From Patriot League standout Derrick Mercer to D-III star Ahmad Mosby at Ramapo to St. Francis (NY) transfer Otis Campbell, while not all necessarily lighting up the scoreboard, at least show Hurley's kids continuing to receive the opportunity to rise from the streets and receive college educations.

After posting, we received the following update from Miracle author and Yahoo! Sports NBA columnist Adrian Wojnarowski:

Among the alumns of the book, you can see Darren Erman, the lawyer turned coach, sitting behind Doc Rivers on the Celtics bench every night on the road. He's kind of a grad assistant workout coach for Celtics. Also, Ahmad Nivins is a serious pro prospect at St. Joseph's in Philly. He had 25 and 10 vs. Penn State other night.

Shifting away and focusing on the latter book, the story of Michael Oher, as portrayed in The Blind Side, was, to say the least, eye-opening. His life, his struggles and his subsequent saving grace in the form of his would-be benefactors and rise from poverty thanks to his adoptive parents Sean and Leigh Anne Touhy who took him from the projects of Memphis, gave him a chance to succeed in life both athletically and academically is nothing short of a miracle itself.

In 2005 Oher earned First Team Freshman All-America honors from Rivals.com and The Sporting News and Third Team distinction from CollegeFootballNews.com. In 2006 after being selected preseason First Team All-SEC by Phipps Football Magazines and Second Team All-SEC by The Sporting News and Lindy’s, he finished earning second team All-SEC honors from the league’s coaches (Source: OleMissSports.com). This year, Oher was honored by Rivals.com on its First Team All-SEC team.

Congrats.

For you readers, pick up both books, well worth the time and money.

(Photos: Derrick Mercer courtesy of American U; Michael Oher via University of Mississippi)

Ren's Ten: Actors who had no business portraying atheletes

Be sure to check out HHR Monday afternoons and Thursday mid-day at Epic Carnival where we present a bi-weekly piece inspired by the chief's power rankings, The 4th Estate: A Jackson Pollack of Sarcasm. Below is the piece we contributed at EC this past Monday.

------

Some times, the 4th Estate can just crap on the MSM without scribbling all over it's published work.

One of our more popular posts at HHR was Ariel's top unrealistic sports-related themes in movies and television.

Conversation with Fat Willard had me thinking of something along those lines. So, to share with our new EC readers three of our favorite HHR segments - Ariel's pop culture prowess, the chief's knack for all that is wrong with those who make cash entertaining us, and Ren's Ten (ten items from a loosely related sports theme), the staff at HHR presents:

Actors who had no business playing the athlete roles they were cast in.


Let's address the obvious right away. Daniel E. 'Rudy' Ruettiger is listed at being 5'7". Sean "Lynn McGill" Astin is 5'6". Plus, [insert Notre Dame football joke here] the way the Irish are playing right now, a little-ball-of-go like Astin might be what the squad needs. Rudy, is not on this list.

Tom Cruise, All the Right Moves.

Don't get me wrong...helluva movie. But let's keep it real. At 5'7" with lifts and his Caucasian heritage, are you going to really try to sell me on Tom Cruise being a top college recruit vying for a scholarship? At d-back? At least they made up for it with realism in other casting with Craig T. Nelson as the obligatory evil high school football coach, Leah Thompson as the obligatory 80's high school sweetheart and the original Fat Willard, Chris Penn as the obligatory high school jock knocking up his main squeeze.

Pool hustler, fighter pilot, race car driver, I'm buying. Not this.

Stefen "Stef" Djordjevic

Speaking of evil coaches and short white footballers...

Scott Caan, Varsity Blues.

Dude's 5'4". He's the go-to-receiver from 37-year-old high school quarterback Dawson "Mox" Leary? Good actor, but stick with a drunken 5'4" bar fighter like in under-rated Dallas 362.

(It should be noted that in consulting with the HHR staff, many came to Tweeter's defense, citing his all-around toughness, and as the Rev. put it, "Especially considering he was playing through with multiple VD’s.")

Craig Sheffer, The Program

Here's a movie that my high school team would watch to get all jacked up before games (really). We would utter lines about knocking the snot bubbles out of our opponents, rounding up the doggies and one a-hole on our team actually tried the "laying on the yellow lines in the middle of a road" bit (I guess the distributer had a point when they had that scene pulled from the movie after it was released). Not a bad casting job all around. Lats was fantastic, as was Mack. I am guessing that Wesley Snipes was unavailable, so the part of Darnell Jefferson went to Omar Epps. However, their field general/Heisman hopeful part went to 33-year-old Craig Sheffer. At that age, Vincenzo Testaverde had already been on 17 pro teams. Let's just say Kane was not able.

Son, you're older than I am.

Ray Allen, He Got Game

Here's another case where the movie was good. But could you not find a better actor to line up opposite one of the best (albeit he plays himself in every film) actors of our generation in Denzel Washington besides Ray Allen? I mean sure, Jesus Shuttleworth (best movie name) - A for effort - but his acting was simply horrendous, and this is only magnified when you got him on screen with someone like Washington.

Jesuschristman! I can't work with you amateurs.

Matthew Modine, Vision Quest

Ok, you get to choose to believe one of these.

1) Matthew Modine is a champion high school wrestler
2) Matthew Modine can score with Linda Fiorentino

That's a trick question, you can't believe either. But not only does he wrestle, and get the hot older babe, he beats the neandethal Kuch an undefeated Drago-like monster who could pound him into chutney. He should stick to playing Doctors in sports movies (Any Given Sunday).

(Side note- Look up Vision Quest on IMDB. Under Plot Keywords the first phrase is "Male Nudity". Whhhaaaaa???)


Bill Bellamy, Any Given Sunday

At least Steamin' Willie Beaman's Jaime Foxx was a legitimate high school QB. Now, I have no knowledge as to Bellamy's athletic history, but what the hell - was Todd Pinkston not available? Bad enough you have a 70 year old LT playing the defensive leader of your squad.


Ken "Wiseguy" Wahl, The Wanderers

Yeah I know, not a sports movie. So how do gangs agree to settle disputes with pressure from local mafioso big wigs on a football field in the climactic ending? The gangs just happen to have some neighborhood teams they toss together, including some killer cheerleaders on the Del Bombers' sideline. This movie was so ridiculous that I loved it. But what an unathletic bunch, lead by Wahl.

Anthony Perkins, Fear Strikes Out

Not taking anything away from Perkins, because he is a fine actor. But he is terrible at pretending to be a ballplayer. Check the clip for Perkins 'swing' and his sprint around the bases.



Another reason people discredit Perkins in the role is because...well...I'll let Jimmy himself explain that one...

He seems like his head is on straight these days though.

Adam Sandler, The Longest Yard (2005)

The original is a favorite of mine. Like many, I feel this movie should have never been remade. Worse than that, how do you replace an icon of masculinity like Burt Reynolds with an icon of lunacy and baby-talk like the Excited Southerner? Hibbity, hibbity hoo.

Photo: trendhunter.com / Direct TV

Oliver Platt, Ready to Rumble

It's hard discussing this movie because in my mind it doesn't exist. But if it did, this is how it went down:

Studio Exec 1- "What's hot right now?"

Studio Exec 2- "Wresting is pretty hot. Let's try and make some money off the idiot imbreds that think its real."

Studio Exec 1- "Sounds good. What do we do?"

Studio Exec 2- Wellllll, it seems simple from what I have seen. The champ gets screwed by the promoter and another guy who wants to be champ. He gets mad and retires...better yet...goes into hiding he is so embarrassed.

Studio Exec 1- Wait, why would he hide, it's wrestling, it all fixed. He doesn't really lose anything.

Studio Exec 2- I know...but it doesn't matter...Anyway, he goes and hides and these two loveable wrestling fan idiots find him and make him comeback to retain his title.

Studio Exec 1- That is easily the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I love it. Who could we get to play the loveable losers.

Studio Exec 2- Hmmmm....How about David Arquette?

Studio Exec 1- LOVE IT!!! Who else?

Studio Exec 2- Hmmmmm.....Scott Caan?

Studio Exec 1- Jimmy Caan's kid? Isn't he like 5'1? I can maybe see him as a WR or maybe a....

Studio Exec 2- Trust me, the kids love him. And I got the perfect guy for the Champ. This guy is 100% man. He is a great actor. He looks like an adonis. Chiseled from stone. Catches lighting in a bottle. You see this guy, you think "championship wrestler"

Studio Exec 1- "Tell me, Tell me...christ you got me all moist."

Studio Exec 2- "Oliver Platt."

Ren's Ten: Hug-able Humpday Links

This week's hug-able midweek links, in no particular order...

• Totally Un-Sports Related Awesomeness: Best show ever made even better (Pop Jocks)

• Only 10?: Top 10 Scapegoats for the Eagles Season (Five Tool Tool)

• Gilbert being Gilbert: Free agent signings that won't happen (Obscure Sports Quarterly)

• At least this sure to-be-overpaid-bust comes with eye candy: Kris Benson - Phuture Phillie? (We Should Be GMs)

• Johnny Baseball - "John Mattingly": DOG-isms/Mispronounced Names Vol. II (mikefrancesa.com) I check this page as often as possible when in need of a good laugh.
  

• LA Breakers: Small Team Hopes for Big Kobe Dream (The Serious Tip/Epic Carnival)

• Sage Steele (Porn Name): Q&A with ESPN Reporter/Anchor Sage Steele - Part One (Scott Van Pelt Style)

• Well Deserved (Check out the EXCELLENT FNL piece I wanted to link last week): Shorty Goes National! (Milk Was a Bad Choice)

• Wait, he wasn't already?: Damn you, future! Lindros set to retire. (The 700 Level)

• Spread the Clap: Hall & Oates Say: Way To Go Adrian! (Stuart Scott’s Lazy Eye)

Ren's Ten: Cleaning Out the Garage

Having become a home owner, my parents have finally come clean on their word to throw out all my old crap unless I move it out in a timely manner. By old crap, they primarily mean my card collection.

After going through the first box of randomness (very few of my cards are in any particular order - something I have vowed to tackle with the relocation process), the following 10 were all found in the same container. It gave me an idea to periodically (ie as I go through them) put together topical lists of the cards I find.

This first list is comprised of former players who have gone on to become commentators in some capacity.

Section 1: Locals and Fringe Commentators

Player: Dave Gallagher
Station: Comcast SportsNet Philadelphia
Notes: While this is a stretch, Gally is probably somewhat well-known (and dare I say respected? - ok that's a stretch) in the Philadelphia sports area, and has contributed to Comcast Phillies coverage throughout the season. The native Trentonian fits right in with his Philadelphia/Southern Jersey drawl that is hard to ignore.
Card: 1991 Topps #349

Player: Mitch Williams
Station: Comcast SportsNet Philadelphia (Daily News Live, Postgame Live), WIP Morning Show (contributer)
Notes: Mitchy Poo recast himself as a straight-shooter in the Philadelphia market and regularly makes light of his infamous pitch to Joe Carter in Game 6 of the 1993 Series.
Card: 1992 Score (Dream Team insert) #892

Player: Mike Pagliarulo
Station: DugoutCentral.com
Notes: Hates Billy Beane.
Card: 1992 Fleer #216

Section 2: Big Boys

Player: Howie Long
Station: FOX (NFL)
Notes: Amazing that a former NFL lineman (and a good one at that) and actor (and a failed one at that) is the brains behind your football coverage.
Card: 1992 Score #299

Yes, that's Rony Rebound he's taking it to.

Player: Brad Daugherty
Station: ESPN (NASCAR Now, NASCAR Countdown)
Notes: Says HHR resident NASCAR expert Rusty: He's still learning, but he's decent. Even though he's a Tarheel, I try to ignore that fact since he doesn't report on basketball. It's NC, home of NASCAR, birthplace of NASCAR, so I'll allow it.
Card: 1992 NBA Hoops #38

Player: Eric Young
Station: ESPN (Baseball Tonight)
Notes: HHR are NOT big fans. Bring back the Patron Saint.
Card: 1991 Line Drive #548


Player: Merril Hoge
Station: ESPN (NFL), ESPN2 (College Football)
Notes: Snappy dresser, snappier commentator. Nice transition.
Card: 1990 Pro Set Collect-A-Books #NA

Player: Mark Gubicza
Station: FSN West (MLB Analyst)
Notes: Despite the card listing Phila, PA as his hometown, Wiki tells us he is another Trenton-native, which scores points with the HHR team. Not nearly as many points, however, as his mullet which in our humble opinion would make Barry Melrose weap.
Card: 1992 Pinnacle #102.

Player: Greg Anthony
Station: ESPN & ABC (NBA)
Notes: Another great transition. Insightful and intelligent. Forever working feverishly to get from under Grandmama's shadow.
Card: 1994 Upper Deck #292

Section 3: Because It's "Ren's Ten," not "Ren's Nine"

Player: The Splendid Splinter
Station: Paperback: The Science of Hitting
Notes: Something tells me the frozen head would be proud.
Card: 1991 Line Drive #348

Ren's Ten: Hugging Some Friends

Bring it in close and give Big Ren a Big Hug.

(But first, some self-promotion) Check out our full set of BoSox Parade pictures here.

In no particular order, some chest bump-worthy links at the midweek:

1. Be Dialing, People!: The 10 Most Controversial Don West Comments, A Definitive List (Cats and Beer)

2. RIP Goulet: Parts One and Two (Popjocks)


3. Terry Tate, Eat Your Heart Out: The Compliance Linebacker (SVP Style)

4. Baseball, We miss thee already: 5 Storylines to Follow This Offseason (All on the Field)

5. Wonder Why He’s the Worst Around the Horner?: Bill Plaschke is a hypocrite, again (Obscure Sports Quarterly)

6. They Should be GMs: Check Your Head: Jason Weitzel of BeerLeaguer (We Should Be GMs)

7. The NPH Would Never Do That: Neil Patrick Harris wears costume, poses (Blog of Hilarity)

(Photo: filmiholic.com)

8. People Still Watch the NBA: Until tonight, everyone's still undefeated (We Rite Good)

9. More than a few Apparently: San Antonio Spurs: Still Awesome (The Lazy Eye of Stuart Scott)

10. Our Paragon of Virtue: Chris Jericho Speaks with Phillyburbs (The Camel Clutch)

-posted by Ren McCormack

"Best of the Worst" Sports-Themed Sitcoms and Movies

I've taken over Ren's Ten for this week..let's get into it.

I bet when we all sit back and think of our favorite movies or television shows, among the best are those with a sports-related theme. Who didn’t cry at the end of Rudy? Who doesn’t channel Rocky Balboa when gearing up for something big, whether a corporate meeting or your slow-pitch softball championship? We can draw from these places because this is what inspires us. At the soul of every sports fan is a person who just wants to succeed, who just wants to win.

I share these traits. As a female ex-athlete/sports fan, I can relate to these movies and shows. I can also however point out the ones that probably were a bit too stupid to inspire, too cheesy to impress, and too convoluted to make any sort of rational sense. If it’s in the realm of “I really, really, really don’t think that could ever happen,” then it probably ended up on our list.

Here is a list of the 10 WORST sports-themed films and TV sitcoms.

10) Who’s the Boss: Great, great sitcom. Much love to Tony Masselli. But it wasn’t great because of the underlying storyline. I mean, who can honestly believe that an ex-major leaguer would have to become a nanny to a wealthy female ad exec to be able to make ends meet and raise his daughter? Throw in that Tony's career was cut short by an "errant Ozzie Smith backflip" (that's not a joke). I am sure the show still would have been a success (and maybe even more believable) if Tony was simply a weekend warrior that loved adult softball leagues.

9) Hang Time: Reggie Theus coaches a high school basketball team whose best players are a 6’5” German girl and accused rapist Anthony Anderson. Much love for AA, but football would have been more convincing for the portly fella. Theus, however, was so convincing that the Sacramento Kings hired him as a coach.

8) Big Brother Jake: This one just came to us recently. And it’s only “sports-themed” because “Body by Jake” Steinfeld was the star.

Here is an online description:
Love was all around in this sunny sitcom set in a bustling interracial foster home in Brooklyn. At the center of things was Jake, a beefy former Hollywood stuntman who had returned to the home in which he was raised to help his foster "Mom," a sweet black woman named Connie, raise her next generation of foster kids. She certainly needed the help. Her husband, Isaac, had passed away, and there were kid problems everywhere. Her charges were Lou, a chubby teenager; Kateri, a bright studious young black girl; Jill, an older, boy obsessed teen; and Andy and Dave, preteen terrors who looked like twins, but were not in fact related. After two seasons grownup Jill left and was replaced by Caroline, a little abandoned oriental girl. Gary was Jake's amiable pal from high school, now a Manhattan lawyer, and Jane was Jake's old former high school girlfriend. Miss Morgan was the original social worker, replaced in year two by the dreaded and cranky Miss Domedian. The older kids attended Frederick Douglass High School. Jake narrated.

When do we get to the funny part? I think the network was tricked from the start. They thought they had a great new show starting Jerry Seinfeld. They ended up getting Jake Steinfeld. Serenity now....

7) Learning the Ropes: The Original Juicer, Lyle Alzado, as a private school teacher who moonlights as a professional wrestler to keep food on the table. It was pinned after the first season.


I Lied- I am really not certified to teach in this state.

6) Girl Fight: There is no way Michelle Rodriguez would have beat that dude. Ever. I am not even discussing this further.

5) Rookie of the Year: Little Henry Rowengarten breaks his arm, somehow gains the ability to throw a 100 mph fastball, and becomes a starting pitching for the Cubs. Isn’t it usually the other way around for Cubs pitchers? Gary Busey plays the washed up club ace Chet “Rocket” (real original guys) Steadman. Busey plays the washed up part well but he looks as much like an ex-surfer/FBI agent as he does a future Hall of Famer. Throw in Daniel Stern as bench coach Phil Brickma and the real Cubs have a better chance of winning the World Series then this movie has at being believable.


Sometimes a picture needs no words.

4) Little Big League: A grandfather dies and leaves his 12-year-old grandson as the GM of the Twins. He then fires the manager and takes over the team. And then Kirby Puckett follows a woman into the restroom and…wait…nevermind. The only satisfying thing about this movie was the sprinkling of “that guys” Jonathan Silverman, Dennis Farina, John Ashton, and Timothy Busfield, ex-major leaguers like Kevin Elster and Leon “The Bull” Durham and cameos by Junior Griffey, The Big Unit, Rock Raines, and Leather himself.

3) The Cutting Edge: A romantic comedy with a sports theme. I smell bullshit. This is a classic “lets appeal to both genders” movie. A former hockey player becomes a pairs figure skating in order to win a gold medal. They start out filled with hate toward each other but then fall madly in love. I was filled with hate all the way through.

2) The New Karate Kid: A girl? If I were Ralph Macchio, I’d still be pissed. He was only 45 when this one came out and had at least one more unrealistic Daniel Larusso performance in that skinny-fat frame of his.

1) (tie) Any movie involving an athletic animal:

Air Bud - did anyone know there were six of these things? Air Bud, Air Bud: Golden Receiver, Air Bud: World Pup, Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch, Air Bud Strikes Back, and Air Buddies
Ed - a chimp playing baseball (also titled the Sal Fasano Story)
MVP Most Valuable Primate and MVP Most Vertical Primate
Snow Dogs

I can’t continue, seriously this is hurting my head. I have to go watch Hoosiers to make the bad images go away.

-posted by Ariel