Ariel: Recapping Biggest Loser Premiere

Wow, what a big night. And I mean that literally. Big. Large. Huge. This is the biggest group that they've ever started with on the Biggest Loser and I can't wait to see the transformations.

Riddled with twists and turns, such as having the contestants workout without their trainers, and sending home 9 contestants, this season is surely one to watch. I love the first night of the show because you can really see who has what it takes to stay, who might be the dark horse of the competition, and who is going to cause the most drama, i.e. Vicky from this past season.

So, here are just a few observations from last night's episode.

Gray Team: Carla and Joelle, Best Friends - I liked these ladies off the bat - lots of sass and moxy - looks like they could kick some ass. Reminded Ren and I of the "Reality Check" skit from Mad TV. Although, we think that they made the wrong decision of sending Carla home - as the largest woman, she has the most to lose.



Brown Team: Ron and Mike, father/son - Ron is extremely large, 430lbs, and apparently had gastric bypass surgery. I am going to venture to say it was unsuccessful. Ren comments, "Gastric Bypass, is that cheating?" My answer, "Cheating? He weighs 430lbs." Pretty much ended the conversation right there.

Blue Team: Filipe and Sione, Cousins - two cousins from like Samoa or something. I like these two, and I think they have the ability to stay in the game a while. They will lose a lot of weight, and they seem like they'll be well-liked, and therefore avoid elimination.

Green Team: Laura and Tara, friends - Apparently these girls are former models. Going to bite my tongue here, but the one girl, Laura complained and whined, and it showed when her teammate Tara lost 21lbs in the first week, but Laura only lost 13. Good number, but you can tell who's weight problem is more physical, and who's is more mental. If you aren't committed to losing the weight, then stay home and let someone else who IS committed be there and get healthy.

Orange Team: David and Daniel, best friends - I couldn't not say something about these two guys. At 23 and 19, they basically each have maybe 10 years more to live, at the rate they were going. They are extremely morbidly obese - this is why I watch this show, and think that even though it exists because people like me are obsessed, it does change lives, and hopefully inspires others to change their lives. I pray these guys get the weight off and keep it off.

So, these are just a few that stand out... I am sure we'll see some more of the true personalities in the coming weeks.

All Photos via NBC.com

Follow us on Twitter @HHReynolds or Click Here to get HHR in your inbox.

Biggest Loser Goes Bat Sh*t Crazy

While most of my TV habits have changed now that there is a little person in my house who needs my constant attention, the one thing I seemed to have time for is the Biggest Loser.

This season was all about family - husbands/wives, and parents/children. So far, all of the contestants have seemed like the usual run of the mill, "losing weight because if I don't, I'll die" sort of mentality.

But, whereas in other seasons you are emotionally drawn in to the plight of these people, this season there are a few where you just can't help but not give a flying f*ck if they lose weight or eat themselves to death.

On last night's episode my hatred for a few of these contestants came to a head. Vicky is just bat sh*t crazy, and the most cocky, manipulative, maniacal contestant I have ever seen since the beginning of this show. While I've seen some contestants throw the weigh-in, back-stab, etc., I've never seen as much game playing as I have seen this year with this woman. In some cases with reality TV you suspect that editing is the reason for being made out like the "villain" but in this case she is just a f*cking lunatic. Plain and simple.

Vicky & Brady. She craps bigger than you. Out of her mouth.

After picking off other "threats" one by one, and manipulating and controlling teammate Heba (whose husband Ed got kicked off a few weeks ago then brought back last night), she felt as though her alliances were indestructible, and that she and husband Brady would be the #1 and #2 Biggest Losers, and therefore walk away with a total of $350K. This is her motivation. And considering she is doing well at losing the weight each week, that leaves me to one conclusion - she is a lazy, greedy bitch. Why else would she need to come on a show to lose weight?

In the beginning, you sort of feel bad too. They have two kids and their daughter is on track to become an obese child. But after you witness all this craziness, you can't help but feel like she is selfish, and that the health of her family is secondary to her ability to win a cash prize. Either that or she has the biggest ego ever.

Fast forward to the elimination. Brady (her husband) and black team member Michelle are up for elimination. There are 6 votes - 4 blue team members, and 2 black team members. Even asked what she felt about the elimination, Vicky couldn't even muster up a compliment about Michelle, and only said something about it being a numbers game and that she's confident Brady is safe.

Thankfully Amy C. got a pep talk from her mom, and decided to go out on a limb and vote for her biggest competition, Brady, making the vote a tie, and sending it to the deciding factor which is percentage of weight loss. Brady had the lowest, so he goes home. NBC did a great job of leaving the rest of the craziness for the preview of next week.

All you see if a handwritten note taped to what you assume is Amy C's door and it says "Revenge." Then you see Ed giving an interview where he says something to the affect of "Vicky is just crazy. You can't cross her."

Is she the leader of the fat mob or something? Its a shame. I usually have a nice cathartic cry with the contestants of this show because they are all pure and decent humans who genuinely care about the health and well being of their fellow castmates, and all appreciate the greater reason for being on the show - losing weight. Vicky has cheapened the message and ruined the meaning of what really is an empowering, uplifting reality show.

But b*tches bring ratings. NBC, you've won this time.

Observations from Sat Nite Mixed

As Ren and I embark on the mediocre existence known as being "middle-aged," we joined a social phenomenon - a bowling league.

Our team, Mark It Zero, consists of a rag tag group of our peers, including:

• Ren (who is a decent bowler);
• Me (Ariel) - I come from a long line of bowlers (mom and pop Moore met in a bowling alley);
• Fireman Brian;
• Fat Willard (who realized you're supposed to put your middle two fingers into the ball AFTER he bowled an 89, 88, and 85 in consecutive games);
• Mr. and Mrs. JD;
• Hondaman (a very good bowler);
• And, of course, Pop McCormack, Ren's "legendary" father.

We are here to have fun, and we figure with this group we're bound to get 4 people each Saturday with nothing better to do than bowl.

Because so much happens at bowling that could be fodder for a post of its own, I've decided that my HHR maternity leave will end here and that I will begin a new weekly column, just because.

Welcome to "Observations from Sat Nite Mixed"

• The alley has a bar in it. But rather than being a bowling alley with a bar attached, it's moreso a bar with a few lanes attached.
  
• Curly likes to "kick it" and "spank the children" as the pins fall. I don't know what this means, but being that he wears acid wash and sports a perm, I figure its best not to ask.
• The lesbians in this league apparently take it quite serious have been known to acuse people of "sandbagging" it, ie bowling shitty to get a low average, which in turn gives you more handicap the next week. The one we bowled this week made exactly that claim against our teammate Fireman Brian, who's average is 117 (he bowled two games in the 150s).
  
• Pop McCormack complained the first 7 frames that his gutter balls were due to the fact that his alley shoes were too scuffed to properly slide. Two pairs of shoes later, and no discernible difference in play, not sure it crossed his mind that maybe 15 years and 9 knee surgeries somehow might have thrown him off his game. But if it's not one thing, it's another. God love him.
• Great quote from Mom McCormack: "When I buy him shoes, he'll have nothing left to complain about."
  
• H, whose team is called the "H-Bomz" literally throws a 6lb ball about 6 ft in the air before it lands somewhere down the lane and happens to hit pins. But she is just there for the fun. We heart her.
• Ren found a limited edition NWO alley ball, complete with the bowling alley's name etched onto it. Probably one of the best white trash artifacts discovered to date.

Ariel View: Testify, Brother Kenny

The ever-astute fashion critic Ariel continues her assault on the World Wide Leader's talking heads. Yesterday she pointed out Brian Kenny's strawberries and cream-inspired Sunday best.

Philadelphia Fans Celebrate

Congratulations to Ren and Ariel on the birth of their daughter last night. We look forward to seeing her in these pages in 18 years.

I Got the Giggles - HHR Top Ten...

While I brushed my teeth this morning, I overheard Sage Steel giving an ESPN update during Mike and Mike, and all I caught of her NBA finals recap was that the Lakes exhibited "effective ball movement." I laughed uncontrollably for about 5 minutes (and of course dribbled toothpaste down my shirt - bastards).

This got me thinking... there has been many a time when Ren and myself are watching various sporting events and the commentators say something that gives us the giggles (and reminds us of seventh grade when you learned about the human reproductive system in science class). Hence, inspiration for the latest HHR top ten list, and perhaps the one with the longest title EVER.

I'd like to present:

HHR's Top Ten Sports Phrases that Cause Uncontrollable Giggles (mostly because they are sexual inuendos)

10. "flashing some leather" (baseball)

9. "finding the hot receiver" (football)

8. "he touches them all!" (baseball)

7. "lined up in the slot" (football)

6. "hitting the hole hard" (football)

5. "handy stickwork" (hockey)

4. "effective ball movement" (basketball)

3. "getting good wood on it" (baseball)

2. anything involving "Pujols" (baseball)

1. "penetrating the zone" (basketball)

Cheers to filthy minds and adolescent memories.... Hope this brightens your day :)

Tomy Romo Verbally Bitch Slaps Papa Joe

Father of the year, Joe Simpson, is at it again. An Us Weekly report claims that Papa Joe's antics have once again interfered with his daughter's relationship. Rumored to have caused the short split between Jess and Tony, Joe Simpson offered to pimp out an engagement and wedding to a magazine, should that happen, just like he did for lil' Ashlee and her baby daddy.

"A parent will always be there for his kids and never give up on them. I work hard seven days a week for my girls because I love them."

What he means is, that as a parent of children in the entertainment industry, he works hard for his girls seven days a week because that is what it takes to keep him in the lifestyle he's accustomed to.

Scumbag.

Ariel Dances with the American Idol

On DWTS, Taylor and Yamaguchi were both outdanced by a one-armed Cristian de la Fuente, and I have to say, he and Cheryl really did a great job. Despite being in the middle of the pack as far as judging is concerned, it was Mario who got sent home last night. But I have to say, I am pretty damn shocked that he lasted this long. Maybe people really thought he was Chris Rock?

Last night on Idol, Jason Castro, resident Stoned Age extra sang a horrific version of Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff," and forgot the chorus to Bob Dylan's "Tamborine Man." I mean, this is supposedly right in your wheelhouse, dude. Hey, hippie, maybe if you layed off the reefer you'd have remembered the damn lines. Hopefully, this d-bag gets sent home tonight. Ren and I have only been watching a few weeks now, and just cannot stomach the sight, let alone sound, of him.

I have to say, little Archuletta has a kick ass voice, but again, I have no clue what kind of record he'd make. We still like David Cook who did a good "Baba O'Riley", and Syesha channeled Sam Cook in a very heartfelt and personal performance. It should be the three of them into next week, if the stars align correctly.

Warrior Update, for all you fans out there...

Apparently the Warrior is making a return to professional wrestling.... in Spain.

After more than a decade away from the biz, Warrior is coming back with a vengence taking on WWE champion Orlando Jordan, June 22nd in Barcelona.

Ren's brother in law shipped us this little gem from a local radio station down in the Carolina's.

Apparently Warrior likes to name drop his more impressive media outings, discussing his apparences on Fox News and the like, when he discussed his feelings on performance enhancing drugs and other topics of choice (as you'll notice in the interview he keeps trying to go back to those other topics...).

I have to say one thing though, he sounds less crazy on radio than he does on his blog.

Ariel Dances with the American Idol

AI

So, last night I was able to finally take in some American Idol. And thankfully, I think this season worked out in my favor. I wasn't too jazzed about many of the people in the competition so coming in with only 5 left was probaby a good idea.

David Cook is definitely the best one, and hopefully America will agree. I think Jason Castro is boring and I mean, who needs another Jack Johnson or John Mayer? David Archuleta can sing, but he just looks like a baby, and what kind of album would he really make if he won? He should try broadway or something first... he has the voice for it. Anyways, hopefully Castro will be heading home, but fear it'll be Syesha eventhough she did well last night.

DWTS

Thankfully Shannon Elizabeth got sent home last night. I don't dislike her for any real reason. She is cute, and never really had a problem with her before. But her crying and overall whiny antics (she complained about an outfit that was made for her, and requested a new one) on the show just kind of turned me off. That combined with the fact that she was clearly too tall for ballroom dance, and has NO hips (must be easy for her to buy jeans.... BITCH), I mean she just wasn't fun to watch. At least she and Derek can now make their relationship legitimate.

So that leaves us with Jason Taylor, Cristian de la Fuente, Kristi Yamaguchi, Marissa Jaret Winokur, and Mario. I think the next to go will be Mario or Marissa, though I like Marissa. Hopefully Cristian's arm will hold up for the rest of the competition because is fun to watch.

Jason Taylor Paso Dobles to MNF Theme

Last night was a good night on DWTS. All 6 couples performed two dances on their quest for the disco globe trophy.

While Jason and Edyta started the night with a Quick Step (one of my favorite dances), it was their second dance, the Paso Doble, that proved to have the most comedic value. His outfit, for one, was a bit figure-skaterish for my tastes. Her outfit, was just goofy. They should have ditched the long skirt thing and just let her dance in the cheerleader outfit (yes, I have a girl crush). The judges applauded their Quick Step (they got a 29), and thought the Paso was entertaining and different.

Other noteworthy observations from last nights show:

Shannon Elizabeth is just too tall for ballroom dancing. The judges are right that she looks awkward and lanky. Hopefully she'll be going home tonight. I've just had enough.

Cristian de la Fuente might be going home tonight. His pulled muscle during dance #2 last night probably jeopardized his score enough that if the votes don't come in, he might go home.

Kristi was knocked from the top position last night by Jason and Edyta, but she'll definitely be in the finals.

Marissa Jaret-Winokur is just adorable and is improving every week. I'd like to see her stay for entertainment sake.

Ariel Dances withOUT the Biggest Loser

This was the first Tuesday in a long while without Biggest Loser. I guess I need to suck it up and watch the remaining contestants on American Idol. Not sure Ren will be down with that. He was fairly adamant about how much he hates them this year.

Last night on Dancing with the Stars we bid farewell to Marlee Matlin. While inspirational indeed,(DWTS mentioned that EVERY WEEK) unfortunately the dances got harder and her inability to hear the music really affected her rhythm.

Kristi Yamaguchi is still the one to beat, scoring a perfect 30 with a Jive that looked damn near professional level. Jason and Edyta had a tough week, but their hotness carried them safely to the next round.

Shannon and Derek got cozy on the off week, sharing a smooch on the beach, and got grilled regarding their "showmance" by Samantha Harris before judging. She is 34 (Shannon Elizabeth), which was kind of shocking to me. Derek is a mere 22, for those keeping score.

(Separated at Birth... )

Ren's favorite Chris Rock doppleganger, Mario (anyone remember Rock from Beverly Hills Cop 2? Uncanny...) , holds steady and if he keeps enough audience interest will make it to the finals. Not sure he is well-known enough to keep the votes coming in.

Did you know...

That today was National High Five Day? Neither did I. Until my boy Pierre Robert on MMR told me so, this afternoon as I was driving back to work after picking up some lunch.

Seriously, who doesn't love to high 5? It's something you learn to do at like age 1.5, and you keep doing forever. It's the international sign of "alright!" or "good job!" and can really turn that frown upsidedown.

In sports, the high 5 is the utilmate congratulatory gesture. An almost involuntary response to everything that is good about sports. Athtletes high 5 one another after an on-field achievement, fans who are perfect strangers will high 5 when your home team gets that big play, or scores the winning touchdown, or drives in the go ahead run.

On this perfect spring day, I offer you some images of the "up-high," the "down-low," and even the "gimme 10."

Happy High 5 Day everyone!

Give me 19....

Up high...
Down low...

Give his eminence 10...

Oooh... left him hangin

Kyle Orton's neck beard is unruly...

The other half of Vin Da Bona's bread and butter....

This recognized day begs the question... when is National Pat-On-The-Ass Day?

And, of course, National Crotch Grab Day.

Ariel Dances with the Biggest Idol

Tuesday night reality TV update....

First off, I did not watch one second of Idol. The night was too full with other obligations, and something had to give. Sorry Seacrest, but as Heidi Klum would say "You're out." Our buddy Illuminati over at phillyburbs did a recap I can respect...

Big night on the Biggest Loser. The final weigh-ins before the finale took place, and boy were we shocked. Well, Dunbar actually noted that he thought Mark looked as though he was "being shocked with an electric prod in the rear" when he found out he had lost 11 pounds.



Both guys lost about 6.4% of their total weight last night, and thought they were safely headed to the finale. But boy were they wrong. Ali and Kelly lost a combined 24 pounds, and secured their places in the finals. Both guys were shocked. From a strategic perspective Roger thought for sure he was going home. He is the bigger guy, and definitely the bigger threat, having already lost 144 lbs, and having enough weight still on him to safely lose another 20-30 before the end.

But.... of course another Loser "shocker".... Ali (host) lets them know that America will actually vote on which contestant gets to continue on with the competition. Realistically, if America votes for Mark, I think the girls have a better chance. Mark really does not have much more weight to lose, and actually might add more muscle. I mean he's down to 170... and he is a taller guy. I also don't think Ali has much more weight to lose... she's already lost 99lbs, and is at about 135, and I mean if she drops below the 120lb mark she is just going to look sick.

Kelly on the other hand definitely has more to lose. I think she is down to 170 something, and can probably lose another 30lbs easily. I think she'll look the most different at the finale.

But these are just my thoughts. I am excited at the prospect of a woman winning, but only think it can happen if America chooses to keep Mark in the competition, and unfortunately I just like Roger better :)

Dancing with the Stars:

My prediction was right... Carolla was sent packing. Thank god. He was a horrible dancer, and while not as bad as Wayne Newton, was still a bit uncomfortable to watch. A little surprised that he shared the bottom two with Priscilla Presley, but she lived very reclusively prior to coming on the show, so her fan base might have dwindled.

Makin' More Babies...

HHR's favorite whipping boys, Will Demps and Shane Victorino.... together they make one ugly baby. Though, I am sure that kid would still have groupies.

Swinging Songs to Start Baseball Season

It seems mother nature isn't thinking about baseball season today, as the weather in the Mid-Atlantic region is an overcast 50 degrees with the threat of showers.

Regardless, today is a happy day. As Ren and I celebrate our anniversary, we also wait in joyful anticipation of the start of what we hope is another "successful" season, as the Phillies kick-off their home opener at 3:05pm.

We celebrate by posting a few of our favorite "sports" songs. You know, those happy songs that pump you up and sort of take you back to the simple days... when you'd sit in the stands and listen to the radio coverage of the ball game while keeping score in your program. These songs bring on a Pavlovian trigger of smelling popcorn, and tasting peanuts, and instantly bring on a craving for a hot dog.

So, sit back, relax, and enjoy. Happy Phillies phirst day!

(our favs, in no particular order)

Dire Straits, Walk of Life


Bruce Springsteen, Glory Days


John Fogerty, Centerfield (tell me that clapping doesn't get you all excited?)

Ariel Dances with the Biggest Idol

I'll cut to the chase.... Dan from BL, and Penn and Monica from DWTS all got sent packing last night, in what was an easier reality TV night for me to handle.

On BL, the guys were getting a little cocky about how much weight they have to lose vs. the remaining two ladies. During the challenge they clearly gunned for the girls, with Kelly being the bigger target which was just poor form to me.

If they had any brain, and really wanted to win the $250K they would start to turn on eachother, as they are their own biggest competition. I mean, jeez, what kind of reality show is this where people are nice and stick together and whatnot? We need some backstabbing, damnit!

In the end, Ren's boy Dan only lost 1 pound and was sent below the yellow line with his "teammate" Mark. Because Mark already got sent home once (he won his way back to the show, though I think he's next) you knew it'd be Danny boy. Kelly and Ali both wowed the guys and dropped 7 and 6 pounds respectively, securing their place atop the leader board.

On DWTS, the first elimination was a predictable one. Monica Seles and Penn Jillette, the two lowest scorers also garnered the least amount of votes and were sent on their way. I am not sad. They both were painful to watch.

As far as Idol, Ren and I only caught two performances. Ren's sis called promptly at 9:34 to discuss the final performance of the evening, David Cook's rendition of Billy Jean, but alas we could not comment, and could only speak for a few min anyways since loser was coming back from commercial break. This morning I did watch a few of the performances I missed, and I still like Brooke White... and David Cook did rock the house. I think Kristy Lee will probably get sent home tonight, much to Simon's delight.

Dirty Dancing?

I really hope this isn't true...

"Season two winners Drew Lachey and Cheryl Burke allegedly had an affair during the national tour to promote the show which ended last month."

I sincerely hope that this isn't true. I respect both of them a lot and would be sort of sad if it was. Drew - you were the cool Lachey brother. You can't let us down like this.

Dancing with the Biggest Idol

When 8:00 rolled around I thought I only had two reality shows to compete with for the night - Biggest Loser, and American Idol. Because Idol has done little this season to hold my attention, I didn't think it'd be such a difficult night.

The first hour of BL was filled with another reality TV favorite, Project Runway's Tim Gunn, helping the losers find outfits that show off their new physiques as they pose for a Prevention Magazine photoshoot. These transformations brought Gunn and Ren (who seems to be exhibiting the hormonal signs of MY pregnancy) to tears. Fluff - yes. But, at least it was good fluff.

AI was uneventful. We saw the blonde chick sing - she is good. And someone else... maybe one of the rock guys? Yeah, we were really paying attention.

At some point Ren says "Hey, isn't Dancing with the Stars on tonight?" SH*T!!!!!!!!!! He was right. Tuesday was the ladies.... how in the hell was I going to watch 3 shows at once... this was my own reality TV Trifecta.

The 9:00 hour was difficult. Thank God ABC ran DWTS from 9-10:30...

To sum it all up -

BL - Glad Brittany got the boot - she looks great, and is the smallest person at the ranch. She can manage at home. Let it be noted that Ren hates Dan because he is getting "too big for his britches."

AI - We like the rock guy, David Cook. Good stuff. Reminiscent of Daughtry, a personal fav.

DWTS - Monica Seles will get sent home. She looked stiff and uncomfortable. Kristy Yamaguchi was the best of the women, and Mario was the best of the men. Notable competition - Jason Taylor will do well, as will Shannon Elizabeth.

Screw You, NBC

I hope other Loser fans were as astonished as I when at 9:59, the show ended without the revelation as to which contestant, Brittany or Maggie, were getting the send-off.

Listen-up, NBC, you are assuming viewers will stand for far more than what we are willing to actually accept.

My colleague C.R. Dunbar is sick of the same stupid music and the rewind after commerical breaks. I myself have put up with these 2 hour shows for 1.5 seasons now, and I am getting sick of it. You're lucky that I am underwhelmed by this seasons' Idol contestants or else I'd have jumped ship weeks ago.

Last night's "cliffhanger" was more than I could bear. With real TV on the verge of a comeback I am going to find it hard to set aside all 120 minutes to the Biggest Loser. Especially when you use 1 whole hour (well, 40 min if you count the 20 minutes spent watching the rewind after a commerical break) weighing in past contestants to see who lost the most weight at home, and could rejoin the show.

The only thing you have going for you is that Jillian is a loose-cannon and can start cursing at a moments notice.

You better get your sh*t together, or else.