Separated at Birth: One's a Comedian and the Other's Ron White

They call one "Tater Salad" and the other uses it to lighten his coffee.

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Separated at Birth: Tony Clifton...Colombian Kingpin, Soccer Enthusiast

ESPN's 30 For 30 series just keeps getting better and better. Just when I thought The U starring Dan LeBatard's lack of fashion sense could never be topped, Run Ricky Run and the Juiced up June 17, 1994 blew it away.

Last night's The Two Escobars is the best yet and reminded the world of a time when you just didn't f*ck with Andy Kaufman. Andy Kaufman f*cked with you.

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JoeSportsFan: Cuban Bat Fight (Remix)

Cuban Bat Fight (Remix) from JoeSportsFan.com on Vimeo.

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Kobama & Khlobaba at Lakers White House Ceremony

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McGwire's Dealer Lands Money Quote of the Steroid Era

Curtis Wenzlaff on ESPN's "Outside the Lines":

"Will it help you hit a baseball? Let me put it to you this way. If Paris Hilton was to take that array, she could run over Dick Butkus."

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Separated at Birth: Jeter the Cheater?

Recently crowned SI Sportsman of the Year Derek Jeter may soon be deflecting headlines from fellow Gillette pitchman Tiger Woods, as the below picture began circulating of the Yankee captain getting cozy with Liza Minnelli while girlfriend Minka was nowhere in sight.

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Kate Hudson Neither Confirms nor Denies ARod Centaur Rumors

When shown an image of her BF Alex Rodriguez depicted as a mythical centaur, Hudson responded, "What is that? That's horrible. That is the craziest thing anyone has ever asked me. I don't indulge in those types of stories. As humorous as you might think they are."

To date, no one has asked ARod or Hudson to confirm the ARod/Manbearpig story.

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Announcing: “Blogs with Balls Charity Poker Shootout”

Top Sports Bloggers and Poker Celebrities, Including Annie Duke, to Join Up For Charity
BLOGS WITH BALLS CHARITY POKER SHOOTOUT SET FOR OCTOBER 16TH IN LAS VEGAS

Las Vegas, Nevada (September 28, 2009) – On October 16th, many of the top sports bloggers and poker players in the world will get together for the Blogs with Balls Charity Poker Shootout, held in conjunction with BlogWorld & New Media Expo in Las Vegas.

Each table in the 100-person Shootout, generously underwritten by Carbon Poker, will feature sports writers from the leading sports media companies, including ESPN, Fox Sports, Yahoo, AOL, Sports Illustrated, Gawker Media, Yardbarker, SB Nation and more. In addition, each table will feature one of the best professional poker players in the world, including Annie Duke – a WSOP bracelet winner and runner up on Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice on NBC.

The Shootout has been organized to raise money and awareness for Ante Up for Africa, a charity founded by Duke and award-winning actor Don Cheadle to aid relief efforts in Darfur through poker events. In the last three years, Ante Up for Africa has raised more than $5 million dollars to help support human rights work in Darfur.

In addition to raising money for charity, the event will have both cash and prizes for the top finishers, as well as knockout bonuses and other fun and valuable giveaways from sponsors. An announcement with additional sponsors and full list of professional players signed on to play will be forthcoming.

The event, taking place at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino’s new poker lounge, begins at 8pm. For more information on the Shootout, including sponsorship opportunities and media/interview requests or to get a seat in the tournament visit blogswithballs.com or email info[at]hhrmediagroup[dot]com.

About Blogs with Balls

Blogs with Balls is a series of social sports blogger and new media gatherings featuring speakers and panelists specifically focused on sports fans, writers, sites, teams, athletes and companies; and their ability to maximize new media outlets for promotion and advancement.

In addition to writers and executives from the largest online sports outlets on the web, speakers at BwB 2.0 at the BlogWorld & New Media Expo include former NBA star Jalen Rose, television, web and print personality Kevin Blackistone, representatives from ESPN and The Sports Illustrated Group, Sacramento Kings VP of Communications Mitch Germann, and many more.

For a full list of speakers, panelists and scheduled discussion topics, please visit blogswithballs.com/panels-20. For more information on BlogWorld & New Media Expo, please visit blogworldexpo.com.

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Prop Bets

I find the prop bets being offered at Bookmaker.com down right hysterical.

Among them, a few pokes at the recently split "Tessica":


Which Celebrity Will Tony Romo Date This Season?

Natalie Gulbis +500
Malia Jones +450
Olivia Munn +500
Amy Adams +350
Kristen Bell +500
Megan Fox +350
Emmanuelle Chriqui +450


Which NFL Player will Jessica Simpson Date Next?

Tony Gonzalez | Kansas City Chiefs +350
Jason Taylor | Washington Redskins +350
Will Demps | Houston Texans +500
Matt Forte | Chicago Bears +500
Wes Welker | New England Patriots +300
Kerry Rhodes | New York Jets +300
Matt Leinart | Arizona Cardinals +300
Tom Brady | New England Patriots +800

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Separated at Birth: Pedroia, Statham & Cracking the Google Code

OK.

This is going to sound crazy, and generally whenever anyone starts off a story with "this is going to sound crazy" it's both crazy and the result of some booze induced bad dream. But for the record, this is going to sound crazy--and it is.

So last night an observant friend of mine noticed a striking resemblance between that bald gnome who plays on the Red Sox and that dude from the Transporter movies. I agreed and went looking for pictures of the two. (I do this out of jealously and admiration. If I could be either of these two for 24 hours I could singlehandedly double the population of Boston, or South Africa, or wherevever the hell the Transporter comes from).

This finding in and of itself would be interesting and kinda amusing if the story stopped there...but it doesn't.

As I was searching Google Images' database with the term "pedroia statham", I clicked over to page 4 of the search, and then forgot what I was doing.


That's right Tom Glavine, I'm looking at you.

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Communist Plot to Force-Feed Soccer to Americans Enters Next Phase

With the David Beckham Project a resounding disaster in elevating the popularity of the sport to US masses, shadowy soccer dictators are apparently hell-bent on using back channels to infiltrate American pop culture.

The UK's Sun is reporting that American Idol producer and former Spice Girl manager Simon Fuller is in talks to hire Mrs. Beckham, Victoria "Posh" Beckham, to replace recently-retired, drug-riddled judge Paul Abdul on the popular television talent show.

Says an unnamed source:

"Paula's absence leaves a big gap on the judging panel. At least 25 million viewers tune in every week.

"It needs a big star. Simon Cowell and Victoria have always got on. It would be an incredible coup to get Posh. She was in one of the biggest girl groups in history so she knows what she is talking about. Simon Fuller is now speaking to her."

One hopes Posh has honed her onscreen persona much better than her husband, who in a recent guest spot on Sports Center proved as bland and uninteresting as English cuisine.



Perhaps Fuller should consider hiring Landon Donovan as a special consultant to keep Mrs. Becks in line as he does her husband.

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Tony Romo Can't Hide His Lyin Eyes; Smile is a Thin Disguise

Source according to People Magazine: "[Tony] wanted her to be a house mom and be in Dallas, and he wants to go out and play – and not just football."

Ooooooooooo snap!

"It's been tough for her. Tony had his eyes on everyone but her towards the end."

By "everyone," the source is obviously referring to Jason Whitten.

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Separated at Birth: Try a Salad

Subbing on PTI today, Dan LeBatard is systematically eating himself into Artie Lange.

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Scrub Receiver Finally Marries Hef's Leftovers

Determined not to have their first child grow up a bastard, pregnant ex-Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson married Eagles wideout Hank "Why Doesn't Andy Throw Him the Fade Route in the Red Zone" Baskett on June 27.

This week's US Weekly has a plethora of official wedding photos, and the lovely couple even graces the cover.


The pair have come a long way since the exhibitionist's September 2008 MySpace denial of their relationship:

yaaaa trick yaaaaaa Current mood: aroused

hiiiiii just wanna let yall know that i am not engaged! if i was id be very happy though n i wouldnt hide it..hahahahaha!!!!! rumors are sooooooooo fuckin funny. yaa trickk yaaaaaa lololol!! Love is a beautiful thing n i think the world needs more of it. lol..

In the most shocking turn of events, however, video evidence suggests that, despite prior rumors that Kendra's ex Hugh Hefner would be giving away the bride, it appears that "honor" instead went to the Playmate's brother Collin.



All in all it seems the newlyweds are determined to do things the proper, traditional way, and we at HHR wish them all the best in what will no doubt be a long, loving, fulfilling marriage.

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Re-capping @jemelehill's Vodka-Induced, Un-Funny, Stereotype-Laden BET Awards Recap

In all likelihood, sports fans, you spent last evening in the same manner as I did - not watching the BET awards.

I was however, lucky enough that plenty of folks on Twitter felt the need to keep a Simmonsian running diary, including ESPN 1st & 10 mainstay Jemele Hill.

Among other things, the show somehow became a tribute to former Phillies/Mariners/Giants/Reds/Indians/Astros/Twins/White Sox reliever Mike Jackson.

I, for one, had no idea he was so popular in the R&B community.

Nor did I have any idea just how out of touch with the BET-watching community I, in essence, am.

Take it away Jemele...

If anyone wants to explain to me what exactly that action is referring to, by all means. Whitlock?

Last night's reunion performance, New Edition's 27th in the last 10 years, surprised and pleased only Jemele Hill. Then again, she remembers fainting when an adolescent Bobby Brown would strip off his shirt and dry hump the stage.

Apparently Jamie Foxx came out looking like this:

Is that Sheila E?

Jemele finds this amusing:

• Wow. Jamie Foxx came out with a Beat It jacket. I love this dude.about 13 hours ago from web
• Aight, Jamie, if you're going to do the Beat It reincarnation, i'mma need you to stay on beat.about 13 hours ago from web
• J Foxx has on some pants so tight I can see his butt cheeks flexinabout 13 hours ago from web
• If Jamie moves a bit too quickly, he coming out of those pantsabout 13 hours ago from we
• LMAO...Jamie Foxx just said his Michael Jackson pants are giving him a "camel toe." Now that's hysterical.about 13 hours ago from web

Clearly it doesn't take much to amuse Jemele Hill, and clearly Foxx fails to recognize and understand the subtle, yet distinct, differences between "camel toe" and "moose knuckle."

You people in Bristol just don't learn do you?

The real questions are:

• Why does BET have an awards show?
• Why does Jemele Hill have a career?
• Why am I following her Twitter feed?
  

A larger size uh what exactly?

After marveling over Bron's snug slacks, Hill goes on to Tweet about the following people I've never heard of:

• Keri Hilson
• Ne-Yo
• Neffei
• Keke Palmer
• XScape
  

That what she said.

If I followed this recipe but instead did so with Puerto Rican midgets and called in PRMET, I guarantee 2 things: 1. I would be deemed racist and offensive; 2. It would be more entertaining and successful than anything ever produced by BET. Bank it.

It took a fifth of vodka, but there we have it - Jemele's first and only amusing comment.


Jemele Hill, tearing down black stereotypes on Twitter since 2009.

This comment is applicable to:

A. BET's 2009 Awards Show
B. Jemele Hill's Tweetcap
C. This Post
D. All of the Above

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Nick Jonas Upstages Ray Leonard, Meets with Frank Drebin on Capitol Hill to Discuss Diabeetus

Nick Jonas Meets with Sgt. Frank Drebin (nee: Lautenberg) today in DC.

Despite being an Olympic gold medalist, multi-time champ and one of the greatest boxers ever, Sugar Ray Leonard can't hold a candle to "teen heartthrob Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers pop group" in the eyes of DC's elite.

Leonard, Jonas and others were in DC to testify before a Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee hearing on federal funding for diabetes research.

From Politico, "VIDEO: Jonas Brother electrifies Capitol Hill":

The place was jam-packed with not just teenage girls hoping to get a peek at their crush, but also the parents of teenagers hoping to bring home a picture of their child's favorite star. So powerful was Jonas' star appeal that the crowd otherwise ignored the others stars also testifying: Mary Tyler Moore and Sugar Ray Leonard.

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From The D.C. Bureau: DJ'ing is a Sport

From Special Agent Blue Pulaski, DC Bureau

DJ'ing is a sport. Why is it not an Olympic competition? I saw the MTV True Life special on it and have been fascinated ever since. Here are three quick reasons I think it qualifies as a sport and why I'd like to see more coverage of it on HHR.

1.) Athletes travel a lot, so do DJs.



2.) Athletes date celebrities, so do DJs.


3.) Athletes are athletic, see below.

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Pete Carroll San Shamelessly Exploits Asian Exchange Student for Ferrell on Twitter Campaign

Pete Carroll is hipper than you. He Tweets, man. And thinks the SNL funnyman should too.

Courtesy of of friends at SportsRadioInterviews.com:

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Separated At Birth: Bill Simmons Conspired to Provide Anna Nicole Opiates

Howard K. "Sports Guy" Stern’s arraignment date has been moved up to April 7 from May 13.

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Alyssa Milano Audio: Marlin Carl Pavano > Yankee Carl Pavano (In Bed)

Baseball's sweetheart Alyssa Milano, promoting her new book Safe at Home on WFAN's Boomer and Carton this morning, might have inadvertently answered the question as to why she's had so many flings with ball players, noting she's been a big baseball fan her whole life and "believes in that saying 'do what you love.'"

While she admitted the dirt on her relationships only takes up 4 pages out of 243 of the book, host Craig Carton peppered her on the age old question, "Why Carl Pavano?"

"Carl is a great guy."

When pressed that "Alyssa Millano needs to be dating baseball royalty, not Carl Pavano,"Milano admitted to being little more than a "front-running" groupie.

"This was right after he won the World Series. So he was kind of baseball royalty. It was before he came to the Yankees...and became the Carl Pavano you know."

Full Audio Here.

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?