Showing posts with label Blue Pulaski. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Blue Pulaski. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Blue Pulaski's 2011 Man Of The Year

The 2011 Man of The Year award was a unanimous choice. The hands-down winner received 100% of the one vote counted and I think you'll agree that nobody is more deserving of this prestigious honor than Mr. 3000 himself, Derek Jeter...especially after reading this report from the New York Post's smokeshow reporter Tara Palmeri:

“Derek has girls stay with him at his apartment in New York, and then he gets them a car to take them home the next day. Waiting in his car is a gift basket containing signed Jeter memorabilia, usually a signed baseball,” the friend dished.
“This summer, he ended up hooking up with a girl who he had hooked up with once before, but Jeter seemed to have forgotten about the first time and gave her the same identical parting gift, a gift basket with a signed Derek Jeter baseball,” the pal said. “He basically gave her the same gift twice because he’d forgotten hooking up with her the first time!”
Now, you're boy Blue is by no means some Yankee honk, in fact I've spent most of my life hating on the man and socially rumor-mongering about a false intimate relationship with teammate and noted swinger, A-rod. But I'm maturing in my old age, I'm learning to appreciate the significant accomplishments of Jeter and have begun to see him for what he really is, a genteel lover and a role model.

So congratulations Mr. Jeter and here's to another 3,000! (Due to HHR budget constraints we were not able to produce a commemorative video, so please just listen to the narration of this trailer for the HBO documentary on Jeter's quest for 3,000 and see if you can determine with certainty whether they're talking about his quest for 3,000 hits on the field or if they're in fact referring to his chase for 3,000 babes off it...)





-Blue Pulaski



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Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Ultimate Called Shot

Blue's shot caller of the year goes to the Tampa Bay Rays announcer who, right before the last pitch to Evan Longoria, blurts out what everyone was thinking at that moment: "Let's go. I'm ready to party!" (1:15 in the video)...



The notorious Tampa strip clubs must have made a killing last night.

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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Blue Pulaski's Spring Collection Has Arrived

It's almost Spring and ol' Blue just can't wait to start rockin the pastels, and plaid shorts at the Nats games and horse races this year. Luckily Blue won't be hard to find this Spring either, because Ralph Lauren's Polo has invented a "customize" option wherein you can actually design your own popped-collar Polo shirt, complete with your name on the back!

Well Blue tried to set up his ideal shirt online earlier today, but the commies at polo.com apparently have a major problem with a crusty old navy vet expressing himself through fashion and jammed him up on his way to checkout.


Nice job Polo, you just lost millions.

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Sunday, November 21, 2010

Paul Williams KO'd

I'm calling this the Avatar Knockout because whoever was controlling the avatar Paul Williams just decided to wake up and go cut a video diary in the middle of the second round.

-Blue Pulaski



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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Blue Crow Law In Connecticut Threatens Democracy

Ol' Blue doesn't live in Connecticut, but if he did he may have a hard time casting his vote for Raw's next General Manager on Election Day. You see, thanks to union thugs and the party machines up in Connecticut, Blue can't wear his causal WWE attire to the voting booth for fear that it would be seen as campaign activity in favor of Mr. McMahon's wife, Linda, who is running for US Senate.

This is clearly some kind of Nexus plot to continue their rampage over the WWE, but unlike John Cena, you can't tell Blue what to do without getting a little bit of disrespect thrown back at you.

In protest of this bigoted policy, Blue plans to get all liquored up Stone Cold-style and go on voting rampage in precincts throughout the nation on Election Day. How can you spot Blue? Well he'll be in one of his favorite t-shirts of course:






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Saturday, October 16, 2010

Sen. Michael Bennet (D-NYJ?)



Probably not the best move if you're from DENVER and trying to score votes in DENVER, because you want to represent DENVER, which is part of COLORADO and that team from DENVER is playing a team from NEW YORK...It could only mean one thing: you must be wishing for a massive injury to DENVER'S starting quarterback--well either that or John Elway is a Republican.

-Blue Pulaski, HHR's Senior Political Correspondent

B-b-b-bennet and the Jets
Denver Post, Allison Sherry, October 15, 2010

Republicans rebuked Michael Bennet late Friday for bringing in a New York Jets all-pro linebacker to phone bank for the Democratic senator — when the Jets are in town to play the Broncos — asking in a press release whether Bennet wants Broncos QB Kyle Orton to get hurt Sunday.

"There is no greater proof that Michael Bennet is grossly out-of-touch with his own constituents than the fact that he would rather abandon the Denver Broncos to suit up with Jets linebacker Jason Taylor this weekend," said Republican National Committee spokesman Bill Riggs.

"Michael Bennet seems to be totally oblivious to the values and loyalties of the people he hopes to represent. Colorado deserves a Senator who won’t turn their back on the Broncos when it’s politically expedient."

According to the New York Daily News, Taylor is a Democratic contributor and gave $10,000 to the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee in 2008.

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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Ines Sainz Doesn't Get It...Or Does She?

Fox News just ran one of the best uncomfortable interviews ever. Watch with glee as anchor Jon Scott tries in vain to keep his eyes averted from the nearly fully exposed rack of Ines Sainz, the reporter who claims she was "harassed" in the New York Jets locker room over the weekend. Note the lack of straight faces at the end, also, this interview is best watched with the volume on mute...the sounds are just distracting.



Anyone else figuring out that this whole story is one giant practical joke/publicity stunt to get her onto the pages of Playboy (fingers crossed)? Dying of embarrassment indeed...

-HHR's Sr. Legal Analyst Blue Pulaski

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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Don't Hate Tommy, Hate Yourself...

Look who showed up to a CA gubernatorial candidate Meg Whitman "Gen-M" mixer this past weekend. Some leopard printed vixen... AND former Dodgers and US Olympic coach, Tommy Lasorda.


-HHR's Chief Stalkerazzi Blue Pulaski

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Monday, April 5, 2010

From the DC Bureau: Wait Until You See the President's Throw

They may need to design a baseball to complement the President's limp-wristed throwing style.





You do have to appreciate his "nWo" moment when he donned the Black & White. I was waiting for Sting to drop from the rafters and hit Zimmerman with a bat so Barack could tag him.


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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

From the DC Bureau: Blue's Christmas Present To The HHR Universe

This time of year is all about giving and so in the spirit I give to the HHR universe a gift that will keep on giving and one that you could share with all of your best friends. It can be accomplished with three easy clicks of the mouse.

Step 1: Turn up the volume on your computer.
Step 2: Click here.
Step 3: Click here.
Step 4: Mute the window on step 3 and watch.
Step 5: Smile.

Merry Christmas everyone,

Your boy,


PS Blue's holiday challenge: Beat the above combo in the comments section and win your very own stand alone post on HHR.


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Saturday, October 3, 2009

DC Bureau Investigative Report: Why The Olympics Went To Rio

Because a certain governor made a propaganda film for its bid behind Obama's back.



Waaay more convincing than another hope & change speech (bor-ing!)


Your Boy,
Blue


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Thursday, September 17, 2009

D.C. BUREAU EXCLUSIVE Special Investigative Report: Mark Grace=Life Coach

Ol' Blue apologizes for the lack of posts recently, but he's been in the field (figuratively) investigating a hot lead all over Interstate 55.

A couple of weeks ago Blue received a forwarded email from an unnamed source in the St. Louis area wherein the source claimed he (literally) just met this hot cougarlicious bartender who claims to have been (literally) getting it on with the immortal Cub legend Mark Grace pretty much every time he's come to town for the past several years.

Now, we know bartenders of the sexy/skanky variety tend to play to the crowd to gain that extra 50 cent tip (Money saving advice: open a tab, so you can sign out quickly, leave zero tip and run out the door and never return). So, using the natural sense of skepticism ingrained in only the finest journalists, I was umm skeptical? So I asked him for some proof and he sent be the below picture.


Yes, you've read it right the tramp's stamp (literally) reads "Grace".

I was blown away (figuratively).

I probed the source further (again figuratively) to determine whether or not he was jerking me around (not literally, figuratively) and I asked him how do I know her name is not Grace? He replied "she said that she wants every guy who (literally) "does her from the back" to know who she really (figuratively?) belongs to, Mark Grace."

Impressed, but still skeptical, I asked for further proof until he sent me a follow-up email last night.

From Gracie's agent (Barry) last night (the email chain I'm on was eventually forwarded to Grace's agent, Barry Axelrod for confirmation).

"Fellas: Just had a late lunch with Gracie and brought a print out of the narrative with me. I told him that he had been subject of an email chain and I was going to read it to him. As soon as I got to the part mentioning the (Bar name redacted), he just smiled and said “Oh, yeah. The tatoo” I didn’t even get to the meat of it.

He asked me where this came from and I gave him the whole chain and all he wanted was for me to be sure to let you guys know that he does not recall asking her to marry him .. .. .. .. but upon further inquiry he admitted that he could have."

Mark Grace is now my favorite all time baseball player and role model. I'm off to find a slump-buster.

Your boy,
Blue

Story...


Agent's confirmation...


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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

DC Bureau Paparazzi Exclusive: The Real World Plays Some Golf

In an HHR Exclusive, Special Agent Blue Pulaski has obtained photos of the newest cast of the Real World (currently filming in DC) playing golf at his home course this past Monday. Obtained from his secret tree-top location with a telescopic lens, Special Agent Pulaski has provided the world with some of the first glimpses of biggest thing to hit binge-drinking golf since John Daly won the PGA Title.

Update: Her name is Misty, of course.



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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

From the DC Bureau: DC Signs A Healthcare Bill

The town's been buzzing all day with the news that the greatest Washington National of all time is returning.

Besides being a former All-Star, the burly Cuban is also an M.D.

'It's 99.9 percent I'm not going to pitch no more' this season, [Livan] Hernandez said. 'I'm done, I think, so let's see what happens.

'I'll go to sleep and I'm going to make a decision tonight.'

His knee, drained on May 16, has been a nagging problem all year. The right-hander, who is 12-4 with a 3.44 earned run average, said it was not bothering him enough to affect his pitching and he wasn't told to have the knee worked on.

'It's not the doctors,' he said. 'It's me. I'm the doctor. I don't need it, but I'm going to' have an operation.

'I'll tell you when the season's over,' said Hernandez when pressed for an explanation. 'I'm mad.'

'I have no idea who he's mad at,' The Nationals' manager, Frank Robinson, said."

The DC Bureau tips its hat to the good doctor, and hopes his next prescription is an unlimited refill, for kicking ass.


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Monday, August 17, 2009

From The D.C. Bureau: Feel the Madness

From Special Agent Blue Pulaski: "This is why I'm facebook friends with the Macho Man, he posts classics."

BETTER THAN THE BEST!





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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

From The D.C. Bureau: Memo to Advertisers

I don't even know where to begin.

I was watching the Nats/Braves game last night when a Nivea shaving cream commercial came up, and in one of the cuts is a guy, I sh%t you not, shaving his chest. This is unacceptable. MEMO TO ADVERTISERS: WTF? I'm trying to watch a baseball game here, not an instructional video on how to look good for other muscly mens.

I failed in finding this actual ad online (probably for obvious reasons) but I did find something worse, from the same company. Not sure how to break this to you, but they offer actual lessons, lessons for shaving...well, everything.

(I went ahead and flagged it for repulsive content).



I did some more research on this company on the YouTube and found another gem...



Yes, that's right they offer a skin whitening cream. If only Marty Cordova knew about this back in '02.

I've now seen everything.

I'm officially getting all MLK on these fools and begininning a national boycott...at least until my private parts need another shearing.


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Monday, August 10, 2009

Separated at Birth: Pedroia, Statham & Cracking the Google Code

OK.

This is going to sound crazy, and generally whenever anyone starts off a story with "this is going to sound crazy" it's both crazy and the result of some booze induced bad dream. But for the record, this is going to sound crazy--and it is.

So last night an observant friend of mine noticed a striking resemblance between that bald gnome who plays on the Red Sox and that dude from the Transporter movies. I agreed and went looking for pictures of the two. (I do this out of jealously and admiration. If I could be either of these two for 24 hours I could singlehandedly double the population of Boston, or South Africa, or wherevever the hell the Transporter comes from).

This finding in and of itself would be interesting and kinda amusing if the story stopped there...but it doesn't.

As I was searching Google Images' database with the term "pedroia statham", I clicked over to page 4 of the search, and then forgot what I was doing.


That's right Tom Glavine, I'm looking at you.


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Tuesday, July 14, 2009

HHR EXCLUSIVE: From The D.C. Bureau: Bob Costas Didn’t Think Judge Sotomayor Was An All Star

Okay, we’ve heard enough sports metaphors and talk about how Judge Sonia Sotomayor “saved baseball” by Senators who probably throw a lot like Mariah Carey.

So, we feel it necessary to bring up some much needed sport’s precedent...in the form of an opinion by baseball’s Chief Justice, Bob Costas.

Apparently the Queens, NY native didn’t think much of his fellow New Yorker, Sonia Sotomayor, during her time on the bench. In the 2002 video below, Costas gives an impassioned dissent regarding Sotomayor’s ruling on the baseball strike. “Saved baseball?” Not so much according to Costas…



We’ll wait and see if Republicans call Costas out of the 'pen to battle the Democrats' witness David Cone later in the week.


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Thursday, July 9, 2009

From The D.C. Bureau: David Cone: Don't Jerk With Sonia


If you were going before the US Senate for a possible lifetime appointment as a Supreme Court Justice, who better to have on your character witness list other than David Cone?

Here are a couple of things to look for on the day Cone-y shows up.

At what distance will Capitol Hill's notoriously promiscuous interns be restrained from Mr. Cone's presence?

“Last week three other women brought an $8.1 million suit against Mets pitcher David Cone, charging him with various sexual outrages, including masturbating in front of one of them in the Shea Stadium bullpen in 1989. This woman says that as she left the bullpen Cone told her, "You're a big baby. You're not invited to showtime anymore." Cone and his accused teammates deny the allegations. In angry support, 31 Mets players have declared they will no longer speak to the media.” (Time)

Which Senator will ask for a box of autographed baseballs?

“Cone is routinely called a leader of the Yankees. One of his boredom-breaking practical jokes has become legendary: Cone told a clubhouse kid to take a cardboard box to one of Cone's friends on a visiting team and ask the player to autograph the baseballs inside. When the player opened the box, he found not baseballs but a pile of Cone's crap.” (NY Mag)

Does Cone-y know any G-rated Sotomayor Stories?

“Try Darryl Strawberry, who's known Cone since 1987 and played beside him in the hell-raising Mets days, and there's that same playful smirk. "Naw, man," Strawberry says with a rumbling laugh. "Not many of the stories about Coney are G-rated." (NY Mag)

Exclusive:

In an HHR exclusive, this intrepid HHR correspondent approached Judge Sotomayor to get her reaction to Cone's appearance on her witness list "Yeah," she said with a smile and a shrug, "I party."

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Monday, June 22, 2009

From The D.C. Bureau: Hunter Mahan Is Gonna Be Late For Work

Thanks to the rain delay at Bethpage, Hunter Mahan had to wear his Sonic Car Hop uniform to the course today. Sources confirm he's headed straight to his other job right after he finishes his round.


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