Blogs With Balls Radio, Episode 22

This week’s Blogs With Balls Show on the JoeSportsFan Radio Network is now available.

Download Episode 22 here, or subscribe via iTunes.


Welcome to the "man" episode. We focus on "things guys like" with Guyism.com and chat with the incomparable Sarah Spain.

Lucas is away this week in sunny Hawaii, so filling in once again is Chris Illuminati. Combining Illuminati's new segment at HHR with Lucas' Ballsy Blog of the Week, we bring on Guyism.com's Isaac to answer 8 Softball Questions.

1. What happened to the World of Isaac?
2. Why do women read men's sites?
3. Why do people get so worked up over internet articles?
4. What Internet trend will he never understand?
5. Who epitomizes Guyism.com?
6. What's more unmanly than creating Internet viruses?
7. How unmanly are staged wedding party pictures?
8. What is something every man needs?

Keeping with our theme, Chicago's own Sarah Spain joins us. Four years removed from auctioning herself off on eBay to get to the Super Bowl, Sarah is now rubbing elbows on the red carpet at the big game with NFL legends in a journalistic capacity.


Sarah has been our eyes and ears on the ground in the planning process of BwB3, and really epitomizes a lot of things we intend to focus on in June.

One thing we've worked hard on incorporating is a more diverse perspective at the shows. Among them is having more women participate. Like previous guest Jemele Hill, Sarah talks about the role her gender plays as a sports blogger and journalist. Ivy league educated, she talks about how she balances being a woman in a male-dominated genre with her talent, background and work product. She offers her advice to female bloggers and talks about what they can expect along their respective paths, which could include a couple of creeps and stunts like this:



Sarah also has worked in various platforms including web, radio and now television - both locally and for national companies. She also talks about the professional advantages of online accessibility and social media.

In lieu of Skyped Up, as the queen of Chicago sports, we put her on the spot and ask us to talk about some of her favorite Windy City team-specific blogs and bloggers.

This week's links of interest:

• SarahSpain.net
• Sarah's YouTube Channel
• No Spain, No Gain (Chicago Now)
• Sarah at MouthpieceSports.com
• @SarahSpain
• Sarah's Facebook Page
• Guyism.com
• @Guyism
• @WorldofIsaac
• ChrisIlluminati.com
• Assholeology

Sarah's favorites:

Blackhawks

• Second City Hockey

Bulls

• Bulls Confidential
• Blog-A-Bull

Bears

• Windy City Gridiron
• Jay Cutler Superstar

Cubs

• Bleed Cubbie Blue
• Cubby-Blue

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D.C. BUREAU EXCLUSIVE Special Investigative Report: Mark Grace=Life Coach

Ol' Blue apologizes for the lack of posts recently, but he's been in the field (figuratively) investigating a hot lead all over Interstate 55.

A couple of weeks ago Blue received a forwarded email from an unnamed source in the St. Louis area wherein the source claimed he (literally) just met this hot cougarlicious bartender who claims to have been (literally) getting it on with the immortal Cub legend Mark Grace pretty much every time he's come to town for the past several years.

Now, we know bartenders of the sexy/skanky variety tend to play to the crowd to gain that extra 50 cent tip (Money saving advice: open a tab, so you can sign out quickly, leave zero tip and run out the door and never return). So, using the natural sense of skepticism ingrained in only the finest journalists, I was umm skeptical? So I asked him for some proof and he sent be the below picture.


Yes, you've read it right the tramp's stamp (literally) reads "Grace".

I was blown away (figuratively).

I probed the source further (again figuratively) to determine whether or not he was jerking me around (not literally, figuratively) and I asked him how do I know her name is not Grace? He replied "she said that she wants every guy who (literally) "does her from the back" to know who she really (figuratively?) belongs to, Mark Grace."

Impressed, but still skeptical, I asked for further proof until he sent me a follow-up email last night.

From Gracie's agent (Barry) last night (the email chain I'm on was eventually forwarded to Grace's agent, Barry Axelrod for confirmation).

"Fellas: Just had a late lunch with Gracie and brought a print out of the narrative with me. I told him that he had been subject of an email chain and I was going to read it to him. As soon as I got to the part mentioning the (Bar name redacted), he just smiled and said “Oh, yeah. The tatoo” I didn’t even get to the meat of it.

He asked me where this came from and I gave him the whole chain and all he wanted was for me to be sure to let you guys know that he does not recall asking her to marry him .. .. .. .. but upon further inquiry he admitted that he could have."

Mark Grace is now my favorite all time baseball player and role model. I'm off to find a slump-buster.

Your boy,
Blue

Story...


Agent's confirmation...

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Victorino Beer Thrower Speaks

Our friends at SportsRadioInterviews.com have text and audio from "the-guy-who-threw-his-beer-on-Shane-Victorino-in-Chicago" Joey Macchione.

Read/Listen Here: Joey Macchione: I Wasn’t Thinking When I Threw The Beer

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Effingham, Illinois Keeps It Real

From Tweeter @DOWNSOKC: "http://yfrog.com/575bcj Just stopped in Effingham, Illinois for gas and great t-shirts!"

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Mr. T Goes Home to Starla at Night

Do you think Mr. T got where he is today because he dressed like Peter Pan?

You think anybody wants a roundhouse kick to the face while he’s wearing those bad boys? Forget about it.

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Because Will Ferrell as Harry Caray Never Gets Old

Cubs win!

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Have You Gotten Your BlogsWithBalls Tickets Yet?

Even PETA Knows the Cubs Will Never Win the World Series

I firmly believe PETA does itself more damage than it does good. The organization's reactionary and extreme actions polarize itself from mainstream, good-old American common sense. They abuse humans as if we were not animals ourselves.

In the past, we've pointed out:

• Their hypocrisy: PETA's Hypocrisy: Where's the Outrage?
• Their lunacy: Hillary Clinton's Derby Pick Euthanized, PETA Holds Her Culpable
• And their opportunism TMZ: PETA Tells Pedro -- Go Cluck Yourself!
• As well as their sense of humor: Happy Holidays from PETA and Ookie
• (And lack thereof): Wait until PETA sees Victorino's new protective gear

That all said, we believe in an open and fair forum. And when they make a fair point pertaining to the sports world, it's only proper to give them their due.

I fully acknowledge that I am going against everything I believe in my dislike about the organization's m.o. by propagating on its behalf, but here goes...

We were tipped off by the organization about a new blog post on their site by Director Dan Shannon:

As a lifelong Red Sox fan, I'll be the first to admit that baseball "curses" are a bit overblown. All that the infamous "Curse of the Bambino" ever did was sell a trillion copies of a certain curly-haired sportswriter's books. The Red Sox didn't lose all those years because Babe Ruth was putting a voodoo hex on them from beyond the grave—they lost because they didn't get big hits in big at-bats, field worth a damn, or pull Pedro after the seventh inning when he was serving up more meatballs than an IKEA food court. Not that I'm still hung up on that or anything.

A shot at Shaughnessy! I'll take it!

But I digress. Perhaps you heard that a long-lost statue of our arch-nemesis Colonel Sanders was dredged out of the Dotonbori River in Japan earlier this week, supposedly ending a 24-year curse on the Hanshin Tigers, whose fans tossed the statue in the river in the first place. Can't say I blame them. Well, the folks over at KFC are now offering the statue to the Chicago Cubs as a way to break the team's own "Curse of the Billy Goat," stemming from an incident in 1945 when a fan and his companion goat (yep) were tossed out of Wrigley Field's bleachers because of the goat's unpleasant odor.

I had NOT heard. But I am intrigued. For the record, I am a commissioned member of the Honorable Order of Kentuck Colonels. Tread lightly, PETA. You may touch a nerve.

Today, PETA wrote to the Cubs recommending that they turn down KFC's offer. If Cubs fans believe that they haven't won a World Series in 60 years because the ghost of one goat has it in for them, think about the consequences of offending the nearly 1 billion chickens who are tortured and killed for KFC every year.

You know what? Dan may have a point. Stupid Cubs fans.

Here's my prediction—if the Cubs accept this Colonel Sanders statue, there won't be a World Series game at the friendly confines until KFC's slaughterhouse suppliers stop scalding live chickens to death and the company adopts PETA's recommended animal welfare program.

You heard it here first.

This guy's brilliant and absolutely correct...the Cubs will NEVER, EVER, EVER win a World Series! The Curse of the Scalded Live Chickens!

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Cubbie Chaser: Arizona, Here We Come!

It's all so clear to me now. As I sit here ruminating over the results of the NFC Championship Game, I can just see the answer to a lifetime of agonizing questions.

Foremost among them: Why can't the Cubs make it to the World Series?

Yes, my goals are more modest than you'd imagine. I just want to get there. Winning is secondary.

So that's why I'm so excited today. Because I just watched the Arizona Cardinals defy all odds and expectations and earn a trip to the Super Bowl. After beating the Eagles, 32-25, in Glendale, Ariz., they have a chance to end the NFL's longest championship drought when they meet the Steelers/Ravens in Tampa on Feb. 1.

The Cardinals' last NFL title: 1947. Their last appearance in a title game: 1948. This was before they played in Arizona. Back then, they played in...that's right -- Chicago!

So I say we learn something from this. I say we move the Cubs (last World Series: 1945) to Arizona.

Sounds revolutionary, but it's a perfect solution, and perfect timing. The franchise is up for sale. The Cubs have a beautiful stadium in Mesa. How hard would it be for the new owners to amass the troops at Ho Ho Kam Park for spring training in mid-February and not leave until that wonderful, glorious, final day in late October? I'm sure Lou Piniella -- a native Floridian -- and his players -- many of whom grew up and/or spend their off-seasons in warm climates -- would not object.



Oh, sure, you'd lose some money on your advance ticket sales. But Cubs fans will understand! Hell, if I was blessed with enough money to afford season tickets to Wrigley Field, I would gladly eat my losses if it meant watching my beloved team reach the promised land in my lifetime. Maybe -- wonder of wonders -- they'd get there when I'm still young enough to both see and remember it!

You could even transfer those season ticket contracts to Ho Ho Kam, and throw in some travel expenses. Sure, you'd have to add a few seats and facilities to the digs out west (current capacity: 13,074). Sure, you'd spend some more money.

But think of the payoff! Think how you'd go down in history as the ownership group that reversed the curse! Immortality has to be more valuable than anything you could make at the box office.

I mean, let's face it. Clearly, Chicago is not working for this team.

It had its chance, and failed. Repeatedly. It had 1969, 1984, 1989, 1998, 2003, 2007 and 2008. But something about the city, the stadium, the karma, the aura...it just did not get the job done.

Arizona is the answer when you need a resurrection. Just ask the Cardinals. Or millions of rich retirees.

Really. This wouldn't even be a PR nightmare. You wouldn't have to hide the move or keep it secret, like the Isotopes did when they went from Springfield to Albuquerque. I'm telling you: Cubs fans will do whatever it takes. They'll take whatever it takes.

They've already swallowed the most putrid and revolting of sports realities and managed to keep it all down. Nothing you can do will make them puke.

OK, bad choice of imagery. But you get the point.

Don't you?

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Cubbie Chaser: Excuse Me?

Ryan Dempster can, and will, talk. This we know. This the media knows, and so Dempster has become everyone's favorite bottomless comment pit.


By now, Chicago Cubs fans should have developed a gag reaction to seeing Dempster's name next to quotation marks in the newspaper or online.

Dempster had another reason to talk this week, because he just re-upped with the team he helped run into the ground last postseason. Perhaps you remember him saying something in spring training about said team making a certain championship series? (Excuse me while I perform the necessary gagging.) And perhaps you remember him walking seven Dodgers in Game 1 of the NLDS....and giving up a grand slam? (Whoa. Think I just pulled a gag muscle.)

So talk Dempster did, to Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. The story ran Tuesday. Here's what he said, in recounting the 2008 playoff collapse:

"Maybe we underestimated how prepared you have to be, how ready you have to be, especially in a five-game series. It's like a short heavyweight bout. Ding, the bell is ringing, you've got to go. ...

"It almost felt like it was just going to be a given that we win Games 1 and 2 and move on and go from there. You still have to play the games. You have to put the uniform on, go out there and compete. If anything, we've learned that."

Given? GIVEN?!?! YOU PLAY FOR THE FREAKIN' CHICAGO CUBS! NOTHING IS A GIVEN!

And how long have you been playing baseball? You didn't know you have to be prepared for games? You didn't know you can't just run out on the field and win? Did you happen to witness ANY of what happened to your own team during late August/early September? YOU WEREN'T THAT FREAKIN' GOOD!

The Ryan Dempster weight loss plan: Read quotes; lose your last meal.

This is just the latest excuse offered up by Cub types for what happened in October, but it all boils down to what I've thought all along: These guys weren't mentally tough enough to deal with the pressure of the 100-year-and-counting championship drought. Heck, they weren't even mentally tough enough to participate in the playoffs. And ultimately, players' mental toughness will determine if this drought ends in our lifetimes.

Talking about this just lowers our life expectancy. Please, Demp, have mercy.

Cubbie Chaser: Exile in Phils-ville

This is for all you sports fans out there who moved away to another city and know the suffering that can come when you dare to spread your wings.

Maybe you rooted like hell for the Mets all your life, but you found a good job in Atlanta in 1990 and had to watch the Braves and their lukewarm fan base dominate the entire decade. Maybe you're a rabid cheesehead from Green Bay, but you went to college in Texas and had to listen to "America's Team this," "Greatest Team Ever that," for four agonizing years. Maybe you got transferred to Boston...from anywhere outside New England.

Or maybe you're a die-hard Cubs fan, nursing wounds that have wounds that have wounds, and through marriage, you settled in Philadelphia. And there you are, right now, with the big "Red October" wave ready to drown you. The Phillies are going to win the World Series.

You have to know how much that hurts.

You try to lay low, but you can't escape feeling like a sad, lonely outsider. You're the only adult in the room not covered head to toe in candy-striped polyester jerseys and National League Championship tee shirts so new you can still smell the Modell's clerk's rank cologne. You're the only one not gabbing about your plans to hit McFadden's at the Ballpark tonight, just to be part of the scene when IT FINALLY HAPPENS! You're the only one who thinks Bud Selig acted out of genuine administrative responsibility -- and not an evil conspiracy to screw the Phillies -- when he decided to suspend Game 5 in the sixth inning. You're the one happily admiring the snow as it falls outside your office window -- snow that will ultimately force Game 5 Postponement, Part 2 -- because it's so much better than watching endless inane Phillies reports on local TV news ("Today at 5, meet the team's newest fans, just-born twins Chase and Cole!")

This must be how non-sports fans feel when a team from their town makes it big.

Well, actually, what I've learned over the past few weeks in Philly is that non-sports fans jump on the bandwagon with both feet. Suddenly, folks who a few weeks ago wanted to debate you that baseball wasn't a sport because the players "don't run enough" (true story) are bouncing up and down and asking you why you're not excited, oh my God isn't this exciting, come on you have to be excited!

Excited? Really? When the team you live and die with has just pulled your heart out and stomped on it for the 30th time in your 30 years on Earth -- perhaps more painfully this time than ever before -- nothing short of a time machine and magic pixie dust would get you excited.


It's hard not to be bitter in times like these. You try to put on your best face, not be outwardly hostile to people who've done nothing to deserve your wrath. OK, well, if we're talking about Philadelphia, that's a little different. You're not apt to wish success on those who've leaned over and yelled in your face, "Go back to your F-ing city," again and again, year after year. You're not apt to wish success on those who, according to reports this week in the St. Petersburg Times, curse at and pour beer on children wearing Rays gear.

In fact, when those people find success, it makes your lack of success all the more depressing. You find yourself feeling jealous of people you'd never really want to be, and that...sucks.

So that's where we are, dear displaced sports fans. It's going to be a long, hard winter.

Athletes in need of 'Mail Goggles'

We are all guilty. The late night nookie text to the crazy chick. The early morning phone call to a coworkers voicemail. The drunk email to remind the ex that 'NOBODY gets rid of an All-American.' (What? That just happened to me?)

Thankfully Google has at least found a way to prevent the regretful emails that drunk morons would send and regret probably for the rest of their lives. They have devolped Google "Mail Goggles" in an attempt to cut down on late night emails.

The fellas at Tasty Booze explain...

Basically once you hit the send button on that email you composed at 2:45 a.m. Saturday morning Mail Goggles will present you with five math problems that have to be solved in a limited amount of time. If your piss soaked brain can complete the computations in the given time limit you are fucked and your message will be sent. If however you can’t get the Windows calculator open in time to solve all the problems your message will not be sent. By default Mail Goggles only becomes active on Friday and Saturday nights between 10:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m. but those times and days are completely configurable in the Settings menu.

Thank you Google, for making life a little easier for us idiots.

This innovation got us to thinking about how this could effect the world of sports. Here are some people who need Google Goggles permanetly set on their accounts to prevent any more embarassing email exchanges like these.

To: myabs@clevelandbrowns.com

Fr: bquinn@nd.edu

Re: Your Awesomeness

Yo,

You looked so hot today under those pads. I caught you checking me out on the way to the shower. Yeah I am not sure why I shower either, I never play. My eyes weren't wandering in the shower, I only have eyes for you. Jamal Lewis' penis ain't bad though.

Crunch ya' later,

B-

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

To: BradyT@patriots.com; thegunslinger@nyjets.com

Fr: marybethking@colgateuniversity.edu

Re: Hey guys

Hey,

It's me Peter. Look I know you both blocked my email address but just hear me out. I am sorry. So I got carried away. Can't we talk it out? Meet over coffee? The next time the Pats play the Jets we should meet up. Let me know. Email me back or call the personal number I gave you both.

Friends Forever,

Pete

------------------------------------------------

To: sweetlou@chicagocubs.com;rharden@chicagocubs.com, asoriano@chicagocubs.com,

Fr: thegoodpeopleofchicago@verizon.com

Thanks assholes.

------------------------------------------------------------

To: america@aol.com

Fr: gbettman@nhl.com

Eh America,

Ugh, we are starting again. Just letting you know. Throwing it out there. We are on TV. Somewhere. Just telling you.

God Speed,

Gary

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
To: thedefenseteam@jacobyandmeyers.com

Fr: thejuice@avis.com

Re: Stupid ass suckas

Dear Dummies,

Good job. How I going to get away with murder but I can't rob no one without going to jail? Ya'll suck. I wish Johnny and Robert weren't dead. I'd be golfing right now. I ever get outta here I am gonna kill you.

Pissed off,

OJ

Ready-Made Excuses

Across Chicago, Cub fans are erecting memorials for their recently departed team. On the other side of town, Ozzie Guillen couldn't care less.


With 100 years of experience, Cub fans don't need our help in coming up with excuses for their typical October.

But why not? Billy the Goat & Bartman are getting old.

• Negative Roster: Carlos ZambraNO, Ronny CedeNO, Mike FonteNOT, Alfonso SoriaNO
• Mark Cuban
• Jobless Bleacher Bums
  
• Ernie Banks and poser Eddie Vedder
• Preston and Steve
• Ted Lily & Dominick DiAngi
• SI

By "It's Gonna Happen" SI editors, of course, meant "the inevitable."

Cubbie Chaser: This is the Sound of Suffering

REUTERS/John Gress

As you probably know, the Cubs have a theme song. It's called "Go Cubs Go," and it was written and performed by the late Steve Goodman (God rest his soul.)

I used to like that song. They played it after every win at Wrigley Field, back in the days when there were wins at Wrigley Field. Everybody in the damn place would stick around and sing together... "Hey Chicago, whaddaya say? The Cubs are going to win today." It was friggin' great.

Well, I think it's time to scrap that happy little ditty for something more appropriate. Don't you? Yes. It is definitely time.

I've always been a big Radiohead fan, so naturally, "Let Down" strikes me as a perfect choice. You wouldn't even have to change the words. They're already packed with meaning.

(Complete lyrics courtesy of Greenplastic.com)

LET DOWN
Transport, motorways and tramlines (CTA Red Line)
Starting (at Howard or 95th) and then stopping (at Addison)
Taking off and landing (for the thousands of us who live out of town and can afford both plane and game tickets)
The emptiest of feelings
Disappointed people clinging on to bottles (of Old Style, and Bud, and Goose Island...)
And when it comes it's so so disappointing

Let down and hanging around (at Murphy's, or Hi Tops, or the Cubby Bear, or in living rooms across America)
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Shell smashed, juices flowing (at least until beer sales are cut off in the eighth inning)
Wings twitch, legs are going (at least until you reach the mile-long line for the ladies bathroom)
Don't get sentimental
It always ends up drivel (kind of like Eddie Vedder's "All the Way" feels right now)

One day I'm going to grow wings (because I'll probably have killed myself)
A chemical reaction (yes, all Cubs fans deserve to go automatically to heaven...except the ones who beat up that White Sox fan this past summer)
Hysterical and useless
Hysterical and ...

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Let down again
Let down again
Let down again

You know, you know where you are with
You know where you are with
Floor collapsing (yes, it's wherever you were on Thursday night, or the night of Oct. 14, 2003, or the night of Oct. 3, 1998, or whatever night a playoff collapse seemed imminent)
Floating, bouncing back (like suckers, every stinking spring)
And one day....
I am going to grow wings
A chemical reaction
Hysterical and useless
Hysterical and...

Let down and hanging around
Crushed like a bug in the ground
Let down and hanging around

Yeah, I think Thom Yorke is a closet Cubs fan. He also wrote "No Surprises." And "Sulk." Don't mind if I do.

MLB Playoff Teams as VH1's 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs

As VH1 prepares to roll out this year's Hip Hop Honors, the music channel has been counting down the 100 Greatest Hip Hop Songs all this week. In honor of hip hops pioneers, and their contributions to making MLB fitteds fashionable in the 1980-90s and a gang staple today, we take a look at this year's 8 playoff teams in relation to songs on the countdown.

Phillies
"How Ya Like Me Now [Longer Version]"
Artist: Kool Moe Dee
Album: How Ya Like Me Now (1987)
Label: Jive Records

Given up for dead by pundits and fans alike only about a month ago, playing inconsistent ball down the stretch, relying on the inevitable Mets collapse, the Phils are suddenly in good shape.

Brewers
"It Takes Two"
Artist: Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock
Album: It Takes Two(1988)
Label: Profile Records

Having counted on the One-Two Punch of C.C. and Sheets to carry them through their first playoff in decades, the Brew Crew now has their back against the wall relying merely on C.C.'s girth.

Dodgers
"Set Adrift on Memory Bliss"
Artist: P.M. Dawn
Album: Of the Heart, Of the Soul and of the Cross: The Utopian Experience (1991)
Label: Gee Street Records

Riding on the postseason past experiences of Manny, Lowe and Torre, the song is as laid back as Manny's D. Plus, both acts' fat members rock dreads.

Cubs
"Me So Horny"
Artist: 2 Live Crew
Album: As Clean as They Wanna Be (1989)
Label: Skyywalker Records

The Cubbies have been wanting this long time.

Red Sox
"Me Myself And I"
Artist: De La Soul
Album: 3 Feet High and Rising (1989)
Label: Tommy Boy Records

This one's more about the fans. Massholes: The most egotistical fans this side of New York.

White Sox
"Tha Crossroads"
Artist: Bone Thugs-N-Harmony
Album: Greatest Hits (2004)
Label: Relativity Recordings/Ruthless Records

Teetering on being very talented and being very bad, having won a recent championship and then having backed into the playoffs this year, the White Sox and their manager have met at the crossroads.

Rays
"Now That We Found Love"
Artist: Heavy D & The Boyz
Album: Peaceful Journey (1991)
Label: Uptown/MCA Records

Like many first-timers who get their cherry broken, now the Rays need to figure out what they're gonna do...with it.

Angels
"Woo-Hah! Got You All In Check"
Artist: Busta Rhymes
Album: The Coming (1996)
Label: Elektra/Flipmode

A little older, a little fatter, less wild, but watch out for the Apollo Creed-like body blows to make your shit bleed.

Keep Your Balls Outta My Face

Cubbie Chaser: The Wild Night's Appalling

Tribune Photo by Phil Velasquez

Seven walks and a grand slam.

That's pretty much all I have to say to sum up Game 1 of the National League Division Series between the Cubs and Dodgers.

I've been a huge Ryan Dempster supporter throughout the season, but he came up real darn small on Wednesday night. Watching him bounce balls in the dirt and fling balls up and out, watching Dodger after Dodger (including freakin' DEREK LOWE) trot to first base, I kept saying, "Oh, he does this. He gets in trouble, but he almost always gets out."

And that brings me to the one and only salient thing the TBS commentators said during the game. Can't remember which one, but if it was Dick Stockton, it was the one and only salient thing he's said at a baseball game in his career..."You can't keep tempting the baseball gods."

Bingo. Dempster's ill-timed wildness certainly caught up with him.

If it's ever been easy to spot big-game nerves in a player, it was easy last night. And isn't it funny how pressure can turn a veteran Major Leaguer into a high school girl, just like that? I say that because I used to pitch for my high school softball team, and of course back then you thought every game was HUGE, and when you started thinking about how big the game was, forget it. You couldn't hit the glove if it hit you first.

I can't pin that entire 7-2 loss on Dempster, although he certainly set an ominous tone. I'm sorry, but if you're supposed to be this great offense, you need to be able to push across some RUNS via something besides a homer. You need to be able to rally a little bit after the second freakin' inning.

Hopefully Lou will abandon his defense-first lineup and get Kosuke Fukudome (0-for-4) the hell out of there. Give us some Mike Fontenot, Reed Johnson. Give us somebody who doesn't look lost at the plate.

I'm not giving up. Of course I'm not. It's only one game, and we've got Carlos Zambrano on the mound tonight. He pitched a no-hitter this year.

(Cue nervous, forced laughter.)

Separated at Birth: Lazy Sunday

Cub Jeff Samardzija and SNL's Andy Samberg...

Cubbie Chaser: Head Cases Need Not Apply

You know who I'm not too impressed with right now? Carlos Zambrano...and the Mets, but that's a rant for another fan.

Guy gave up 5 runs in 4 2/3 innings Wednesday night -- one via a bases-loaded walk (his third walk in a row) -- and looked like a crazed lunatic out there, yelling at himself (and we can assume the home plate umpire) after every pitch out of the strike zone. You just KNEW he was going to give up that grand slam to Carlos Delgado because his body language screamed, "I HAVE LOST MY FOCUS AND HAVE NO SHOT OF GETTING IT BACK."

If you recall, Zambrano gave up 8 runs in 2 innings during his previous start against the Cardinals.

This is supposed to be a staff ace tuning up for the most important postseason of his career -- and of all Cub fans born after 1908's lives?

That no-hitter Z tossed on Sept. 14 seems like it happened last season, for Pete's sake. And the past two weeks typify my relationship with Z as a fan...a love-hate emotional roller coaster. He excites me and frustrates me like no other player. Of course, I want him to succeed, but I also want him to get his head out of his ass.

Lou Piniella's not doing cartwheels over Z's recent performance, either. It seems almost certain he's going to name Ryan Dempster the starter for next week's NLDS opener. Which he definitely should (if you read this blog, you know how I feel about The Amazing Dempster).

Here's Lou, on Z, in Thursday's Chicago Tribune: "...You know, I wish he would quit fighting himself out there. Just relax and pitch and have some fun. He gets angry when he doesn't do what he expects to do, and it detracts from his ability. I've tried to tell him that so many times, and he understands when I tell him. He forgets when he pitches."

Well, for God's sake, Lou, if you have to tape a sign to his locker or tie him down and tattoo it to the inside of his wrist -- whatever -- you've got to get through to this guy. He's too old and has been in baseball too long to be such a freakin' head case.

The Cubbies Phillies Will Go All the Way

From PearlJam.com: At the request of Ernie Banks, Eddie threw together a song for the Cubs ("All the Way"). He got a pretty good live version of it at the Auditorium Theatre in Chicago this August. It's now being played on Chicago radio and at the Bleacher Bars around Wrigleyville. We have decided to make the song available for download - you can get it here. There's a chance we'll also make available some hard copy CDs and we're looking into souvenir 45 singles, as well. Check back here for the latest.

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Not to be outdone, the fine folks at Preston & Steve at Philly's WMMR offered their own take on the single, especially edited for our Fightins'. And, unlike Pearl Jam, theirs is free.

Audio: The Phillies Will Go All the Way

Cubbie Chaser: Somebody Up There...Doesn't Like the Brewers

What a week, huh? After starting the month by losing 6 of 9 and looking very much askew, Carlos Zambrano comes back from the near-dead to throw a no-hitter against the hottest team in baseball, and then the Cubs work some crazy voodoo magic to take two-of-three from the Brewers and bring their magic number down to 2.

If I wasn't, you know, a lifelong fan of this stomp-on-your-heart franchise, I'd think this was their year or something.

Have any of you figured out what exactly happened Thursday at Wrigley Field? If so, e-mail me at stillinshock(at)whatthehell(dot)com.

From what I can glean, the Cubs were down by FOUR with TWO outs and NOBODY on in the bottom of the NINTH. And they ended up winning, 7-6, in 12.

This from a team that often seems to shut down and hold on after it gets a lead in the fourth or fifth., a team that strands baserunners left and right, a team that let a parade of mediocre relievers keep it in check Wednesday night in a 6-2 loss. We haven't seen this kind of fight out of these Cubs since that ridiculous nine-run comeback against the Rockies on May 30. Can you remember back that far?

Actually, I don't know whether to laud the Cubs here or laugh at the Brewers. Is it just me, or did the Brew Crew have, like, 10 zillion chances to make this a race down the stretch in the NL Central and/or run away with the Wild Card? Yet here they are, having to pretty much sweep the rest of the season to make the playoffs.

There's got to be something mystical at play here. I don't see how any team can fail to take advantage of the opportunities the Brewers have had, ESPECIALLY Thursday's 6-2 lead and countless late-inning rallies, unless its planets are misaligned or its karma is out of whack. Or it doesn't have strong leadership, or its bullpen really stinks...

You want to talk curses? Don't look at the Cubs. They've been pretty darned fortunate all year long. If they don't reach the World Series this year, it'll be because there is a hotter, or healthier, NL team at that time. Not because of any stupid curses.

If I'm a Brewers fan, on the other hand, I'm really searching the stars right about now. (I've got bad news, folks. From personal experience, praying does not help your baseball team.)