Friday, March 13, 2009

Even PETA Knows the Cubs Will Never Win the World Series

I firmly believe PETA does itself more damage than it does good. The organization's reactionary and extreme actions polarize itself from mainstream, good-old American common sense. They abuse humans as if we were not animals ourselves.

In the past, we've pointed out:
That all said, we believe in an open and fair forum. And when they make a fair point pertaining to the sports world, it's only proper to give them their due.

I fully acknowledge that I am going against everything I believe in my dislike about the organization's m.o. by propagating on its behalf, but here goes...

We were tipped off by the organization about a new blog post on their site by Director Dan Shannon:
As a lifelong Red Sox fan, I'll be the first to admit that baseball "curses" are a bit overblown. All that the infamous "Curse of the Bambino" ever did was sell a trillion copies of a certain curly-haired sportswriter's books. The Red Sox didn't lose all those years because Babe Ruth was putting a voodoo hex on them from beyond the grave—they lost because they didn't get big hits in big at-bats, field worth a damn, or pull Pedro after the seventh inning when he was serving up more meatballs than an IKEA food court. Not that I'm still hung up on that or anything.
A shot at Shaughnessy! I'll take it!

But I digress. Perhaps you heard that a long-lost statue of our arch-nemesis Colonel Sanders was dredged out of the Dotonbori River in Japan earlier this week, supposedly ending a 24-year curse on the Hanshin Tigers, whose fans tossed the statue in the river in the first place. Can't say I blame them. Well, the folks over at KFC are now offering the statue to the Chicago Cubs as a way to break the team's own "Curse of the Billy Goat," stemming from an incident in 1945 when a fan and his companion goat (yep) were tossed out of Wrigley Field's bleachers because of the goat's unpleasant odor.
I had NOT heard. But I am intrigued. For the record, I am a commissioned member of the Honorable Order of Kentuck Colonels. Tread lightly, PETA. You may touch a nerve.

Today, PETA wrote to the Cubs recommending that they turn down KFC's offer. If Cubs fans believe that they haven't won a World Series in 60 years because the ghost of one goat has it in for them, think about the consequences of offending the nearly 1 billion chickens who are tortured and killed for KFC every year.
You know what? Dan may have a point. Stupid Cubs fans.

Here's my prediction—if the Cubs accept this Colonel Sanders statue, there won't be a World Series game at the friendly confines until KFC's slaughterhouse suppliers stop scalding live chickens to death and the company adopts PETA's recommended animal welfare program.

You heard it here first.

This guy's brilliant and absolutely correct...the Cubs will NEVER, EVER, EVER win a World Series! The Curse of the Scalded Live Chickens!

Follow us on Twitter
@HHReynolds or Click Here to get HHR in your inbox.

No comments: