Cubbie Chaser: Arizona, Here We Come!

It's all so clear to me now. As I sit here ruminating over the results of the NFC Championship Game, I can just see the answer to a lifetime of agonizing questions.

Foremost among them: Why can't the Cubs make it to the World Series?

Yes, my goals are more modest than you'd imagine. I just want to get there. Winning is secondary.

So that's why I'm so excited today. Because I just watched the Arizona Cardinals defy all odds and expectations and earn a trip to the Super Bowl. After beating the Eagles, 32-25, in Glendale, Ariz., they have a chance to end the NFL's longest championship drought when they meet the Steelers/Ravens in Tampa on Feb. 1.

The Cardinals' last NFL title: 1947. Their last appearance in a title game: 1948. This was before they played in Arizona. Back then, they played in...that's right -- Chicago!

So I say we learn something from this. I say we move the Cubs (last World Series: 1945) to Arizona.

Sounds revolutionary, but it's a perfect solution, and perfect timing. The franchise is up for sale. The Cubs have a beautiful stadium in Mesa. How hard would it be for the new owners to amass the troops at Ho Ho Kam Park for spring training in mid-February and not leave until that wonderful, glorious, final day in late October? I'm sure Lou Piniella -- a native Floridian -- and his players -- many of whom grew up and/or spend their off-seasons in warm climates -- would not object.



Oh, sure, you'd lose some money on your advance ticket sales. But Cubs fans will understand! Hell, if I was blessed with enough money to afford season tickets to Wrigley Field, I would gladly eat my losses if it meant watching my beloved team reach the promised land in my lifetime. Maybe -- wonder of wonders -- they'd get there when I'm still young enough to both see and remember it!

You could even transfer those season ticket contracts to Ho Ho Kam, and throw in some travel expenses. Sure, you'd have to add a few seats and facilities to the digs out west (current capacity: 13,074). Sure, you'd spend some more money.

But think of the payoff! Think how you'd go down in history as the ownership group that reversed the curse! Immortality has to be more valuable than anything you could make at the box office.

I mean, let's face it. Clearly, Chicago is not working for this team.

It had its chance, and failed. Repeatedly. It had 1969, 1984, 1989, 1998, 2003, 2007 and 2008. But something about the city, the stadium, the karma, the aura...it just did not get the job done.

Arizona is the answer when you need a resurrection. Just ask the Cardinals. Or millions of rich retirees.

Really. This wouldn't even be a PR nightmare. You wouldn't have to hide the move or keep it secret, like the Isotopes did when they went from Springfield to Albuquerque. I'm telling you: Cubs fans will do whatever it takes. They'll take whatever it takes.

They've already swallowed the most putrid and revolting of sports realities and managed to keep it all down. Nothing you can do will make them puke.

OK, bad choice of imagery. But you get the point.

Don't you?

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Cubbie Chaser: Excuse Me?

Ryan Dempster can, and will, talk. This we know. This the media knows, and so Dempster has become everyone's favorite bottomless comment pit.


By now, Chicago Cubs fans should have developed a gag reaction to seeing Dempster's name next to quotation marks in the newspaper or online.

Dempster had another reason to talk this week, because he just re-upped with the team he helped run into the ground last postseason. Perhaps you remember him saying something in spring training about said team making a certain championship series? (Excuse me while I perform the necessary gagging.) And perhaps you remember him walking seven Dodgers in Game 1 of the NLDS....and giving up a grand slam? (Whoa. Think I just pulled a gag muscle.)

So talk Dempster did, to Paul Sullivan of the Chicago Tribune. The story ran Tuesday. Here's what he said, in recounting the 2008 playoff collapse:

"Maybe we underestimated how prepared you have to be, how ready you have to be, especially in a five-game series. It's like a short heavyweight bout. Ding, the bell is ringing, you've got to go. ...

"It almost felt like it was just going to be a given that we win Games 1 and 2 and move on and go from there. You still have to play the games. You have to put the uniform on, go out there and compete. If anything, we've learned that."

Given? GIVEN?!?! YOU PLAY FOR THE FREAKIN' CHICAGO CUBS! NOTHING IS A GIVEN!

And how long have you been playing baseball? You didn't know you have to be prepared for games? You didn't know you can't just run out on the field and win? Did you happen to witness ANY of what happened to your own team during late August/early September? YOU WEREN'T THAT FREAKIN' GOOD!

The Ryan Dempster weight loss plan: Read quotes; lose your last meal.

This is just the latest excuse offered up by Cub types for what happened in October, but it all boils down to what I've thought all along: These guys weren't mentally tough enough to deal with the pressure of the 100-year-and-counting championship drought. Heck, they weren't even mentally tough enough to participate in the playoffs. And ultimately, players' mental toughness will determine if this drought ends in our lifetimes.

Talking about this just lowers our life expectancy. Please, Demp, have mercy.

Cubbie Chaser: Exile in Phils-ville

This is for all you sports fans out there who moved away to another city and know the suffering that can come when you dare to spread your wings.

Maybe you rooted like hell for the Mets all your life, but you found a good job in Atlanta in 1990 and had to watch the Braves and their lukewarm fan base dominate the entire decade. Maybe you're a rabid cheesehead from Green Bay, but you went to college in Texas and had to listen to "America's Team this," "Greatest Team Ever that," for four agonizing years. Maybe you got transferred to Boston...from anywhere outside New England.

Or maybe you're a die-hard Cubs fan, nursing wounds that have wounds that have wounds, and through marriage, you settled in Philadelphia. And there you are, right now, with the big "Red October" wave ready to drown you. The Phillies are going to win the World Series.

You have to know how much that hurts.

You try to lay low, but you can't escape feeling like a sad, lonely outsider. You're the only adult in the room not covered head to toe in candy-striped polyester jerseys and National League Championship tee shirts so new you can still smell the Modell's clerk's rank cologne. You're the only one not gabbing about your plans to hit McFadden's at the Ballpark tonight, just to be part of the scene when IT FINALLY HAPPENS! You're the only one who thinks Bud Selig acted out of genuine administrative responsibility -- and not an evil conspiracy to screw the Phillies -- when he decided to suspend Game 5 in the sixth inning. You're the one happily admiring the snow as it falls outside your office window -- snow that will ultimately force Game 5 Postponement, Part 2 -- because it's so much better than watching endless inane Phillies reports on local TV news ("Today at 5, meet the team's newest fans, just-born twins Chase and Cole!")

This must be how non-sports fans feel when a team from their town makes it big.

Well, actually, what I've learned over the past few weeks in Philly is that non-sports fans jump on the bandwagon with both feet. Suddenly, folks who a few weeks ago wanted to debate you that baseball wasn't a sport because the players "don't run enough" (true story) are bouncing up and down and asking you why you're not excited, oh my God isn't this exciting, come on you have to be excited!

Excited? Really? When the team you live and die with has just pulled your heart out and stomped on it for the 30th time in your 30 years on Earth -- perhaps more painfully this time than ever before -- nothing short of a time machine and magic pixie dust would get you excited.


It's hard not to be bitter in times like these. You try to put on your best face, not be outwardly hostile to people who've done nothing to deserve your wrath. OK, well, if we're talking about Philadelphia, that's a little different. You're not apt to wish success on those who've leaned over and yelled in your face, "Go back to your F-ing city," again and again, year after year. You're not apt to wish success on those who, according to reports this week in the St. Petersburg Times, curse at and pour beer on children wearing Rays gear.

In fact, when those people find success, it makes your lack of success all the more depressing. You find yourself feeling jealous of people you'd never really want to be, and that...sucks.

So that's where we are, dear displaced sports fans. It's going to be a long, hard winter.

Cubbie Chaser: The Wild Night's Appalling

Tribune Photo by Phil Velasquez

Seven walks and a grand slam.

That's pretty much all I have to say to sum up Game 1 of the National League Division Series between the Cubs and Dodgers.

I've been a huge Ryan Dempster supporter throughout the season, but he came up real darn small on Wednesday night. Watching him bounce balls in the dirt and fling balls up and out, watching Dodger after Dodger (including freakin' DEREK LOWE) trot to first base, I kept saying, "Oh, he does this. He gets in trouble, but he almost always gets out."

And that brings me to the one and only salient thing the TBS commentators said during the game. Can't remember which one, but if it was Dick Stockton, it was the one and only salient thing he's said at a baseball game in his career..."You can't keep tempting the baseball gods."

Bingo. Dempster's ill-timed wildness certainly caught up with him.

If it's ever been easy to spot big-game nerves in a player, it was easy last night. And isn't it funny how pressure can turn a veteran Major Leaguer into a high school girl, just like that? I say that because I used to pitch for my high school softball team, and of course back then you thought every game was HUGE, and when you started thinking about how big the game was, forget it. You couldn't hit the glove if it hit you first.

I can't pin that entire 7-2 loss on Dempster, although he certainly set an ominous tone. I'm sorry, but if you're supposed to be this great offense, you need to be able to push across some RUNS via something besides a homer. You need to be able to rally a little bit after the second freakin' inning.

Hopefully Lou will abandon his defense-first lineup and get Kosuke Fukudome (0-for-4) the hell out of there. Give us some Mike Fontenot, Reed Johnson. Give us somebody who doesn't look lost at the plate.

I'm not giving up. Of course I'm not. It's only one game, and we've got Carlos Zambrano on the mound tonight. He pitched a no-hitter this year.

(Cue nervous, forced laughter.)

Cubbie Chaser: Head Cases Need Not Apply

You know who I'm not too impressed with right now? Carlos Zambrano...and the Mets, but that's a rant for another fan.

Guy gave up 5 runs in 4 2/3 innings Wednesday night -- one via a bases-loaded walk (his third walk in a row) -- and looked like a crazed lunatic out there, yelling at himself (and we can assume the home plate umpire) after every pitch out of the strike zone. You just KNEW he was going to give up that grand slam to Carlos Delgado because his body language screamed, "I HAVE LOST MY FOCUS AND HAVE NO SHOT OF GETTING IT BACK."

If you recall, Zambrano gave up 8 runs in 2 innings during his previous start against the Cardinals.

This is supposed to be a staff ace tuning up for the most important postseason of his career -- and of all Cub fans born after 1908's lives?

That no-hitter Z tossed on Sept. 14 seems like it happened last season, for Pete's sake. And the past two weeks typify my relationship with Z as a fan...a love-hate emotional roller coaster. He excites me and frustrates me like no other player. Of course, I want him to succeed, but I also want him to get his head out of his ass.

Lou Piniella's not doing cartwheels over Z's recent performance, either. It seems almost certain he's going to name Ryan Dempster the starter for next week's NLDS opener. Which he definitely should (if you read this blog, you know how I feel about The Amazing Dempster).

Here's Lou, on Z, in Thursday's Chicago Tribune: "...You know, I wish he would quit fighting himself out there. Just relax and pitch and have some fun. He gets angry when he doesn't do what he expects to do, and it detracts from his ability. I've tried to tell him that so many times, and he understands when I tell him. He forgets when he pitches."

Well, for God's sake, Lou, if you have to tape a sign to his locker or tie him down and tattoo it to the inside of his wrist -- whatever -- you've got to get through to this guy. He's too old and has been in baseball too long to be such a freakin' head case.

Cubbie Chaser: Somebody Up There...Doesn't Like the Brewers

What a week, huh? After starting the month by losing 6 of 9 and looking very much askew, Carlos Zambrano comes back from the near-dead to throw a no-hitter against the hottest team in baseball, and then the Cubs work some crazy voodoo magic to take two-of-three from the Brewers and bring their magic number down to 2.

If I wasn't, you know, a lifelong fan of this stomp-on-your-heart franchise, I'd think this was their year or something.

Have any of you figured out what exactly happened Thursday at Wrigley Field? If so, e-mail me at stillinshock(at)whatthehell(dot)com.

From what I can glean, the Cubs were down by FOUR with TWO outs and NOBODY on in the bottom of the NINTH. And they ended up winning, 7-6, in 12.

This from a team that often seems to shut down and hold on after it gets a lead in the fourth or fifth., a team that strands baserunners left and right, a team that let a parade of mediocre relievers keep it in check Wednesday night in a 6-2 loss. We haven't seen this kind of fight out of these Cubs since that ridiculous nine-run comeback against the Rockies on May 30. Can you remember back that far?

Actually, I don't know whether to laud the Cubs here or laugh at the Brewers. Is it just me, or did the Brew Crew have, like, 10 zillion chances to make this a race down the stretch in the NL Central and/or run away with the Wild Card? Yet here they are, having to pretty much sweep the rest of the season to make the playoffs.

There's got to be something mystical at play here. I don't see how any team can fail to take advantage of the opportunities the Brewers have had, ESPECIALLY Thursday's 6-2 lead and countless late-inning rallies, unless its planets are misaligned or its karma is out of whack. Or it doesn't have strong leadership, or its bullpen really stinks...

You want to talk curses? Don't look at the Cubs. They've been pretty darned fortunate all year long. If they don't reach the World Series this year, it'll be because there is a hotter, or healthier, NL team at that time. Not because of any stupid curses.

If I'm a Brewers fan, on the other hand, I'm really searching the stars right about now. (I've got bad news, folks. From personal experience, praying does not help your baseball team.)

Cubbie Chaser: Celebrating "The Pitch"

I know it's way too early to start assigning big, dramatic names to things. Neither the division, nor even a playoff berth, has been clinched. Get cocky now, and you know what big, dramatic name we'll have for October: Suicide Time.

But just for today, I'm dubbing Kerry Wood's 3-2 offering to Prince Fielder in the Cubs' 5-4 win last night, "The pitch."

Holy crap, that was a tense moment. And Holy God, that was a nasty pitch. (Or, what's the baseball-insider jargon? Filthy?).



Wood himself has a name for that pitch. He called it a "slurvy slider" in Paul Sullivan's Chicago Tribune game story.

Yeah....wasn't that the pitch that launched a thousand Wood injuries back in the late 90s? Whatever. Fielder didn't know what the heck to do with it, and that's all that counts. Because the Big Veggie looked like a one-man wrecking crew on Tuesday night, with two home runs and a near-double down the right field line that Mark DeRosa -- who's proving a very capable fill-in for Kosuke Fukudome -- snuffed out with a diving catch.

Wood, a former starter, has developed a very closer-esque flair for the dramatic lately. It's almost as if he's trying to face the other team's biggest home run threat with two outs and runners in scoring position. Remember Albert Pujols coming up with two outs in the last game of the Cardinals series? How about Ryan Howard in the first game of the Phillies series? Wood shut them down, both via the very democratic popup.

Last night, with runners on the corners and Fielder locked in, Wood pulled out that pitch. THE pitch. Strike 3. Magic number 4. Two more wins over the Brewers in the next two days, and 100 years of postseason futility will be put to the test.

That sounded kind of cocky. But we'll allow that -- just for today.

Cubbie Chaser: A Good Day...Whoda Thunk It?

Most of the time, as Cubs fans, we find ourselves having to cope with the Unexpected Bad Thing (UBT).

You know, we let our beloved Mark Grace go win a World Series with Arizona. Or, we trade for Nomar Garciaparra and he blows out his hamstring after a week. Or, Sammy Sosa takes his corked "batting practice" bat out for a real AB and turns from hero to zero in a flash. Or, we're five outs from the Series, and...you know where I'm going with this. You obviously can go back into our history and find countless excruciating examples.

At points in the past two weeks, it looked like this season might turn into one big UBT.

So Sunday was really strange, because absolutely everything went our way. And there's no way we could see it coming.

The Phillies swept -- or more like manhandled -- the Brewers in a day-night doubleheader to take some of the pressure off this week's Cubs-Crew series at Wrigley Field.

Meanwhile, in Milwaukee of all places, our ailing ace no-hit arguably the hottest team in baseball.

Carlos Zambrano had done nothing over the past 1 1/2 months but give us headaches and heartburn and make us want to consider pill-popping as an alternative hobby to baseball fandom. He stunk in August. Then, he started to stink AND show signs of his old immature antics in September. Then, for about 24 very frightening hours, as we awaited the results of his MRI, we thought he might be hurt and done for the year.

It was "only" shoulder tendinitis, we were eventually told. In Cubs fan lingo, another freaking UBT.

Sunday was Big Z's first start since that revelation. He faced the Astros, who embarrassed us on our last homestand with a three-game sweep and had compiled the best record in the bigs since the All-Star break.

He threw a no-hitter. And not only was it his first no-hitter and the first by a Cub in my lifetime, but according to a SportsCenter graphic I saw this morning, it was THE FIRST NO-HITTER IN BASEBALL HISTORY BY A GUY WITH A LAST NAME STARTING WITH Z!

AP Photo

No telling what can come of this.

Hopefully (another huge element of the Cubs fan vocabulary), after throwing 110 adrenaline-packed pitches, Big Z won't need another MRI today, and he won't morph back into Bad Z between now and his next start (against the Cardinals Friday). We need to see a little consistency from him now, not dramatics.

Save those for October, when we'll have planned ahead and stocked up on Xanax.

TIME TO QUIT FOOLING AROUND!

Although fatalism is pretty much coded into my DNA, I refuse to look at this silly little four-game losing streak (even though it's the longest skid since late June) as a sign of the annual Cubs apocalypse.
 

This is baseball. It'’s a crazy game, and a long season. There are ebbs and flows. You’re not going to win every game -- or even every series, which has been Lou Piniella’s main priority all year.
 

A lot of teams would love to have a 4 1/2-game lead in their division, as the Cubs do after both they and the second-place Brewers fell in extra innings on Tuesday night. The NL Central is one of baseball’s less-”competitive” divisions heading into the final month of the regular season -- whatever that’s worth. And the Cubs still have more wins (85) than any other team in the majors.
 

Do you hear me? I’m trying to convince myself that everything is going to be OK. Do I sound convincing?
 

Here’'s the thing, though: It might technically still be early, but I’'d say it’s about time for the Cubs to quit fooling around.
 

It’'s time they start playing like the Best Team in the National League, if that'’s what they're supposed to be.
 

It'’s time for Derrek “DP” Lee to quit being Ryan Theriot Part Two and start driving in some runs. Lee’s got a decent average, sure. But when was the last time he corked one off into the gap with men on base, or God forbid lofted a sacrifice fly? Lately, he seems incapable of anything but ground balls up the middle (at best) and ground balls to the shortstop (ad nauseum). And by lately, I mean, this feels like it’s been going on all season.
 

I don’'t know if it'’s feasible to drop Lee in the batting order (Reed Johnson platoons with Jim Edmonds, and Geovany Soto is the catcher), but the Cubs need more production out of the No. 3 hole.
 

It'’s time for Carlos Zambrano to figure out what the hell is wrong and either get it fixed or gut it out. If he’s hurt, he’s hurt, and that will be a huge blow to what has been a solid, and most of all resilient starting rotation. But this whole Drama King thing is getting tiresome. It'’s not August anymore, so Big Z is out of metaphysical excuses. If he doesn't have a serious physical excuse (insert prayers here), he needs to cut the crap, bear down and be an ace.
 

It’'s time for Kosuke Fukudome to...well, I'’m not sure we know what he’'s truly capable of doing at the plate. We might have to write this season off as a really tough (but very profitable for the T-shirt vendors) transition period.
 

It'’s time for Alfonso Soriano to quit promising to concentrate better in left field and just catch the damn ball. No, we shouldn’t expect him to be a Gold Glove outfielder, but we shouldn’t have to endure his infuriating little game of hopscotch out there, either. The same goes for Aramis Ramirez, who racked up three errors in Tuesday’s game alone. Get in the game, guys!
 

If you think you’'re seeing an ugly trend, you are. The Cubs defense has committed 15 errors in the last 10 games. That’s bad when you’re struggling to score runs, and guys like Michael Wuertz and Bob Howry are threatening to take the mound at any second.)
 

These were the kind of cracks that winning covered up for much of the last four months. In May, June, July and August, the Cubs proved they can overcome injury and adversity and deal with the pressure of the national spotlight. A silly little four-game losing streak isn’t going to undo that.
 

Problem is, this is baseball. And as much as we Cub fans hate it, we have to give it more time.

-the Cubbie Chaser

Cubbie Chaser: Obama Goes J-Roll on North Siders

Photo: Deadspin

Phillies fans were upset a couple weeks ago when their MVP shortstop called them frontrunners.

This is much worse.

In an interview with ESPN's Stuart Scott on SportsCenter, Democratic presidential nominee (and Chicago native) Barack Obama accused Cubs fans of essentially NOT being baseball fans.

"The Cubs are nice," Mr. Obama said, after revealing he would root for the White Sox in a crosstown World Series, because he's "not a fair-weather fan."

"You go to Wrigley Field, you have a beer," he continued. "They've got all the beautiful people out there. Nobody's watching the game. The White Sox....now that's baseball."

See, now that concerns me. Gravely. I was going to vote for Obama in November, but he's clearly so out of touch with his constituency as to give me pause. How can someone who claims he can fix our economy and foreign policy be so clueless about folks in his own hometown?

So let's clear something up.

Just because we Cubs fans have a beautiful, landmark ballpark in a rocking neighborhood, play our games under the hot sun (thus prompting our fanbase to wear fewer clothes) and enjoy our cold, frothy beverages in bulk does not mean we don't live and die with every pitch of every game of every season.

Have you been to Wrigley Field? Tell me the fans aren't into the game, when they throw backing opposing home runs, or when they boo (yes, it happens everywhere), or when they rise to their feet with two outs and two strikes on the other team's last hitter. Or when they see Bob Howry walking in from the bullpen, and they link arms and start doing synchronized yoga breathing. Or when the 'W' flag is raised and everyone sticks around to sing the team's cornball anthem, "Go Cubs Go."

But Obama's a Sox fan, and I guess he feels he's being loyal to his team by blindly, ignorantly ripping on the North side. Loyalty's OK, even if it's a bit misguided. To eschew his real beliefs, play the politician and say he likes both teams would be worse.

That said, come October, I better not see his skinny butt on the mound — or in the booth — at Wrigley Field, campaigning through first pitches and seventh-inning stretches. Then, he'd really lose my vote.

Cubbie Chaser: VOTE DEMPSTER FOR CY YOUNG, AND MVP, AND KING OF THE WORLD...

When Ryan Dempster said in spring training that the Cubs would win this year's World Series, I cringed so hard I pulled a muscle. I believe the headline on my personal blog entry that day was, "DUMPSTER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?"

That was the last time I referred to Mr. Dempster by that ugly nickname -- and the last time I questioned his wisdom.

Since morphing from the Cubs' 2007 closer into their 2008 ace -- sorry, Carlos Zambrano, your last two starts prove you're too inconsistent to wear the crown -- Dempster has done everything in his power to make Cub fans believe this could be their year. And trust me, that's an amazing feat, akin to climbing Mt. Everest naked.

Raise your hand if you expected Dempster to be 14-5, ranking third in the National League in wins and leading the league in opponents' batting average (.210). That's where the Canadian-born righthander stands after the Cubs' 9-2 win over the Marlins on Sunday, a game in which Dempster did what has become his trademark. He battled, working his way through some pretty tight situations (of his own making), and gave his team a great chance to win.

The Cubs scored eight runs in the seventh to erase a 2-0 deficit and push Dempster within one victory of his career-high 15.

According to the Chicago Tribune, Dempster has allowed two or fewer runs in each of his last six starts and in 18 of 26 starts this season. That's pretty impressive, especially when you consider how often he seems to find himself in a jam.

"It was a grind, mentally and physically, to bear down and make pitches," Dempster, who struck out 10 Marlins over six innnings in 95-degree heat, told the Tribune on Sunday. "I just felt deep down inside that if I could keep them from scoring any more runs, we'd have a chance to come back and win it."

Dempster's feelings, apparently, are quite contagious. His body of work this season is almost a metaphor for the Cubs: You might find yourself in a bad spot, year after year after year, but that doesn't mean you can't will yourself into a good spot. Dempster is a talented pitcher, but his 'X' factor seems to be a believe in himself and his team.

By all indications, Dempster is a well-liked, well-respected teammate in a Cubs clubhouse full of team-oriented guys. His statements to the media are both humble and confident, which is a tough trick to pull off, and he always seems to back up what he says out on the field.

That's what I call a leader. An MVP -- even if he is a pitcher. And heck, why can't Dempster win the Cy Young Award this year? He certainly has enough exposure. He seems to always start the ESPN games, and I've heard him interviewed on national radio shows. His sense of humor and outgoing personality have made him a media darling. And he pitches for the Cubs, who despite playing outside the East Coast still manage to capture a whole lot of national interest.

A few more wins for "Demp," and he'll have the same statistical credentials as Brandon Webb. A few more big wins, like of the October variety, and awards won't matter. Dempster will achieve immortal status.

If Dempster's preseason prediction comes true, I think the Cubs should bring their victory parade up through the suburbs. It should go north and west through Evanston, Skokie, Morton Grove and Niles. Why, you ask? Because I grew up just a few blocks from a busy main street that connects all those communities.

It's called -- no joke -- Dempster Street.

Can anyone give credit to the US Women's Olympic softball team?

HHR would like to welcome a new writer into the family...

"The Cubbie Chaser" grew up in the northern suburbs of Chicago and challenges anyone who thinks they've led a more miserable sports-fan experience to a thumb wrestle. Right here, right now. ...Yes, she roots for the Cubs. Born on Opening Day 1978 -- one guess what happened at Wrigley that day-- her heart still aches with the salt-filled wounds of 1984, 1989, 1998, 2003, and every other year before, since and in between. To her, a 10-run lead is not safe even with two outs in the ninth, and the World Series is like Voldemort in the Harry Potter books (that which must not be mentioned). In short, she lives her life in constant fear of inevitable collapse. She invites you to join the insanity.

Without further ado, the Cubbie Chaser talks about the Women's Olympic softball team.

They don’t compete in skimpy little bathing suits or leotards, like the other hugely popular American females in these Olympics.

While many of them play their sport professionally, they can’t lay claim to the salary or celebrity of the NBA — or even WNBA — basketball players representing our country in Beijing.

Still, nothing has changed since 2004, when the USA Softball team made the cover of Sports Illustrated as “The Real Dream Team.”

Nothing, that is, except the fervor.

As I sit here today, our softball team is 4-0 in the 29th Summer Games and has made the competition look like kindergarteners in gym class. Already the owner of all three gold medals since softball became an Olympic sport in Atlanta in 1996, the US has outscored Venezuela, Australia, Canada and Japan, 29-1, and allowed just two hits thus far this year.

That’s right up there with the ass-kickings doled out by beach volleyball mavens Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh, gymnasts Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson — and let’s throw swimmer Michael Phelps in there, because he’s all we ever hear about anyway.

But softball seems almost overlooked, like a footnote in the daily coverage, presented in highlight form rather than as the prime-time big deal it should be. There's no excuse for this. Thursday’s volleyball and gymnastics events happened in the early in the day in Beijing — which is evening/night here — so why can’t afternoon softball games be televised when we’re sitting at home on the couch?

Trust me, a whole nation full of little (and big) girls with fake-stirrup knee socks in their bat bags (or deep in their drawers) would watch. Slow-pitch weekend warriors would watch. And with the likes of Jennie Finch, Cat Osterman and Jessica Mendoza on the field, I’m willing to bet a lot of key-demographic 20-something guys would, too.

Obviously, some people think dominance is boring, that the lopsided results every year in Olympic softball make the sport uninteresting or unworthy of the grand international stage. Softball was one of the sports voted off the island, so to speak, for the 2012 Olympics in London.

So, are they going to vote off swimming next because nobody can hold a Speedo to Phelps the Human Phreak? Here's a better idea: Work hard, get better, and maybe you'll be able to compete. Don't just take your bright yellow 12-inch balls and go home.

(I should note that softball is eligible to be reinstated for the 2016 Olympics, which if we’re lucky will be in Chicago, where Finch pitches for the resident National Pro Fastpitch team.)

Softball grabbed our attention in 1996, again in 2000 and again in 2004. This year’s team is just as great, just as exciting — and maybe it’s even better. If 2008 is, in fact, the sport’s last Olympic hoorah, we should be soaking up every second.

- The Cubbie Chaser