Thursday, October 9, 2008

Athletes in need of 'Mail Goggles'

We are all guilty. The late night nookie text to the crazy chick. The early morning phone call to a coworkers voicemail. The drunk email to remind the ex that 'NOBODY gets rid of an All-American.' (What? That just happened to me?)

Thankfully Google has at least found a way to prevent the regretful emails that drunk morons would send and regret probably for the rest of their lives. They have devolped Google "Mail Goggles" in an attempt to cut down on late night emails.

Basically once you hit the send button on that email you composed at 2:45 a.m. Saturday morning Mail Goggles will present you with five math problems that have to be solved in a limited amount of time. If your piss soaked brain can complete the computations in the given time limit you are fucked and your message will be sent. If however you can’t get the Windows calculator open in time to solve all the problems your message will not be sent. By default Mail Goggles only becomes active on Friday and Saturday nights between 10:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m. but those times and days are completely configurable in the Settings menu.
Thank you Google, for making life a little easier for us idiots.

This innovation got us to thinking about how this could effect the world of sports. Here are some people who need Google Goggles permanetly set on their accounts to prevent any more embarassing email exchanges like these.

Re: Your Awesomeness


You looked so hot today under those pads. I caught you checking me out on the way to the shower. Yeah I am not sure why I shower either, I never play. My eyes weren't wandering in the shower, I only have eyes for you. Jamal Lewis' penis ain't bad though.

Crunch ya' later,

Re: Hey guys


It's me Peter. Look I know you both blocked my email address but just hear me out. I am sorry. So I got carried away. Can't we talk it out? Meet over coffee? The next time the Pats play the Jets we should meet up. Let me know. Email me back or call the personal number I gave you both.

Friends Forever,



Thanks assholes.

Eh America,

Ugh, we are starting again. Just letting you know. Throwing it out there. We are on TV. Somewhere. Just telling you.

God Speed,


Re: Stupid ass suckas

Dear Dummies,

Good job. How I going to get away with murder but I can't rob no one without going to jail? Ya'll suck. I wish Johnny and Robert weren't dead. I'd be golfing right now. I ever get outta here I am gonna kill you.

Pissed off,


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