Last week, I took a performance enhancer of my own. Casting aside the level playing field presented to me, I opted for the opportunity to elevate my own situation above those I count as friends and colleagues. I speak of course of my sneak preview of the
A-ROID COCKTAIL. In short, it is definitely a game changer.
Concocted by
Bonfire's in-house mixologist Heather, and surely designed to be ordered in the company of Yankee fans, it is $11 of pure cruelty, and a credit to this year's Red Sox menu. Thankfully you do not have to listen to Madonna while imbibing. But I'll be honest - it was so good I would have lip synced to "This Used to be My Playground" over and over.
The bartender Paul was a great guy ("Senior Bartender by age" he says) who was kind enough to suffer my inane questions like "What would you Serve A-Rod himself?"
"I don't think he'd be too happy with anything I serve him."
His answer was well-played even if it was a trick question. A-Rod would never be allowed in the establishment.
In order to make the experience as authentic as possible, I initially enlisted my cousin Vicky to come to the bar to administer the shot while I looked away and became distracted by something else. When that plan fell through, I saw the opportunity presented to me. I realized this beverage was less about the experience of taking it, but more about the personal confession to follow. I had to look my wife in the eyes and apologize for taking tequila shots and spicy tomato juice from a syringe. The only way to do that was to lean on the shoulders of the kind of people A-Rod did. And I had them in my back pocket. Literally.
On one hand, it's extremely tough to admit mistakes. But on the other hand, it feels great to take a shot of tequila. It was the support of Derek and Jorge that got me through such a difficult time. I even found a brief bit of solace in that I didn't wait several years before my name was part of a report linking me to something I repeatedly denied over and over while taking on huge contracts that weakened the organizations at the time I was with them, before discarding them for the next, more lucrative victim of my dishonesty. That's the kind of behavior that will turn a man's lips purple.
All of the Sox-themed drinks (the Green Monster, the RBI, and a Dice-K themed sake drink) will be available to the Fenway Faithful throughout the Sox season this year, not just on game days. Paul said he expects this drink to become popular around the Yankees games, and wouldn't be surprised to see a few syringes "being autographed." Not that he suggested it, but to those autograph-seekers at Fenway, I recommend gingerly handing (throwing) the syringe to (at) the Yankee dugout personnel (A-Rod) while politely requesting an autograph (Hey Mr. April, you forgot to take yer medicine!!! You SAAACK!)
In the end, it comes highly recommended. I'm looking forward to sampling the entire Red Sox Menu, and maybe contributing some ideas of my own. In fact today I began working on a "Clay Buchholz" idea - A drink with a name impossible to spell, that would be amazingly delicious the first time only, and every time after it's so bad, you wonder if it's worth trading for half-eaten nachos.
