Preserving History: The Giants Win the Series! The Giants Win the Series!

After each major sporting event, HHR takes a look at how it is portrayed in news print in some of the nation's leading dailies. Part out of curiosity, and part to preserve the dying medium.

At least Barry Bonds wasn't on the team. Makes them much more palatable.

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Texas vs. San Fran: A Politically Incorrect Pictorial Representation of the 2010 World Series Match-Up

As inspired by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman...

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Dr. Yuri Effed Up

There was an interesting quote in A-Rod's presser that hasn't gotten enough attention.

"We went outside team doctors, team trainers. It was two guys doing a very amateur and immature thing. We probably didn't even take it right."

First, let me say this...If you are going to take these drugs, for pete's sake take them correctly.

Second, I think the fact that journalists didn't follow-up on this comment solidifies the role of investigative bloggers like HHR have in bringing the public answers to burning questions.

Here's what we dug up (via our cousin whose identity we intend to protect)...

Dr. Cousin Yuri, when procuring the drugs, did A-Rod no favors when he accidentally put this label on it:


Cousin A-Rod, being "young and stupid" and not knowing any better, put the shit in his ear.

Case closed.

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MLB/Authorities Leak Short List of Suspected A-Rod "Cousin"

A source within Major League Baseball has revealed to HHR (and was verified by a source within the US Congress) that one of the following people are most likely to be Alex Rodriguez's "cousin" who helped inject the MVP slugger with "boli" found on the streets of the Dominican Republic.

Jose Canseco


Brain McNamee


Jo from The Facts of Life


Buddy Lembeck


Dean Cain


Booker T


AC Slater


The Late James Brown

However, word is that federal investigators (as well as Selena Roberts) have headed to the Dominican Republic on a wild goose chase for this mystery man - who authorities are saying goes by the street name "Dalex Dodriguez."

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Our Burning Questions for A-Rod

On WFAN's Carton and Boomer this AM, Carton asked Boomer "If you were at the press conference with A-Rod today, and had the chance to ask one question, what would you ask?" And, predictably, Boomer asked something about steroids.

That's a little lame, as every reporter there would be hounding him for a money quote on the issue.

So we thought, if we had one question to ask A-Rod, what would the average guy ask?

We came up with a set of real questions we want answers to, if for nothing else to keep A-Rod off his game and forget his pre-planned and rehearsed answers.

Reporters, take note.

• "What's up with your purple lips?"
• "Where was Jeter last night?"
• "Madonna? Really?"
• "How much do you pay in child support?"
• "Did you know the game doesn't end after the 6th inning? This isn't slow pitch"
• "Where is your favorite Toronto spot to keep it low-key with a stripper?"
• "What's eating Gilbet Grape?"
• "Who is John Galt?"
• "Is it true you were caught sniffing Giambi's golden thong?"
• "No you never did it, or no you were never caught?"
• "Have you sought support from Bababooey?"
• "Does the list of things you've put in your body, claiming you didn't know what they were, included penises?"
• "After The Yankee Years came out, did you just want to put Torre over your knee and give him a good ol' fashioned spanking, or did you feel a bitch slap would suffice?"
• "What's the square root of 'unclutch'?"
• "Ever consider bunting?"
• "So, you juiced up because you felt pressure to perform to your contract in Texas, yet, on the biggest baseball stage in the world, not so much?"
• Finish this phrase, "The only thing in Texas are steers annndddd...."

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We Heart Minor League Baseball

It's no lie. Minor League Baseball's no-holds-barred approach to marketing via gimmickry promotions is a thing of beauty.

Our buddy Jim Baumbach at The Final Score points out the latest example by way of the Grand Prairie AirHogs.


From the Dallas Morning News:

On-field skits with Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez look-a-likes and Madonna's hits playing between innings were just a couple of ways a minor league team near A-Rod's former baseball home tried to cash in on tabloid fodder.

The Grand Prairie AirHogs, an independent team west of Dallas and a few miles from the home of the Texas Rangers, offered dollar tickets to fans wearing A-Rod jerseys or dressed as Madonna on Wednesday night.

Bravo.

Josh Hamilton Mug Shot

This Hamilton mug shot popped up at The Smoking Gun this afternoon. Leave it up to TSG to Rain on Josh's Parade. Then again, it's part of his story - one he doesn't back down telling. (If you haven't already, introduce yourself to said story).
TSG: "Josh Hamilton...was arrested in May 2005 following a drunken rampage on his 24th birthday. Hamilton was busted in North Carolina after punching in the windshield of a friend's truck and tearing off the vehicle's rearview mirror (he also broke a baseball bat over his knee)."

My, God. Jesus Loves the Longball.

My apathy over the first four hitters has been erased with each swing of Josh Hamilton's bat.

Iceman Eddie from the RF awning:

"I might go down on hamilton tonight"

"Absolutely smoking the ball,unreal"

Milton Bradley Goes All Norman Bates (Again)

From the Associated Press:

Milton Bradley stormed out of the Texas Rangers clubhouse after an 11-5 victory Wednesday night over Kansas City and bounded up four flights of stairs looking for Royals television announcer Ryan Lefebvre.

Bradley, who was the designated hitter, heard what he considered derogative remarks made by Lefebvre on a TV in the Rangers clubhouse.

Explained Lefebvre:

"It was a conversation about how Josh Hamilton has turned his life around and has been accountable for his mistakes. Right now, it seems like the baseball world and fans are rooting for him. ... It doesn't seem like Milton Bradley has done the same thing in his life.

"We weren't singling out Milton Bradley. We also spent a lot of time complimenting Milton Bradley, but that's not what he heard when he was in the clubhouse.

"We weren't tearing up Milton Bradley. I told [Washington and Daniels] this wasn't a Milton Bradley rip session, but just based on the pictures we've seen in this series of him walking to the dugout all the way to right field, dropping his bat, making gestures to the fans in right field and above the dugout and taunting them. He's the only person in baseball I know that does that type of stuff."

Not to justify Bradley's actions, but Lefebvre saying Bradley's "only person in baseball I know that does that type of stuff," he kind of his singling him out.

The story noted, "Upon returning to the clubhouse, Bradley screamed at teammates and broke down in tears."

Bradley: "I'm tired of people bringing me down. It wears on you. I love you guys, all you guys. I'm strong, but I'm not that strong. All I want to do is play baseball and make a better life for my kid than I had."

MLB Turned Back on Advil Problem

Yesterday, Texas Rangers president and MLB's all-time strikeout king spoke to a gaggle of fans noting that "that baseball was finally addressing the use of steroids and performance-enhancing drugs by major leaguers after previously ignoring the problem."

Said Ryan, "Baseball turned its back on the problem and ignored it. Anytime you realize you have a problem, the longer you go without addressing that problem, then when you do decide to address it, the tougher it is to do. I think that's where we are with baseball."

"It's painful to go through. But I feel like we are headed in the right direction. We will get a handle on it. How soon will that be? I don't know. But I think it will be in the near future and [performance-enhancing drugs] will be something in our history."

Ryan should know. He picthed 27 seasons in the bigs until the age of 46.

Conveniently, Ryan left out any mention of his own performance enhancement pill that he not only abused, but flaunted.

Ad: smackbomb.com

The campaign's accompanying television ads started out with Ryan in his Texas-drawl mumbling, ""If i want to keep playing baseball..." Essentially admitting that without the little scientifically-developed, man-made pick me up, the Express' Hall of Fame career could have very easily been derailed.

If he would so readily brag about this short-cut, who knows what else he might be hiding. A fearsome competitor with a real aggressive streak, one can't help but think what mind and body altering drugs he might have been on when he viciously attacked Robin Ventura in an obvious ibuprofen-induced rage.

What a Mench

We caught up with former Rider University pitching prospect (and current beer-league co-ed softball teammate), Tim Young, to kick off the baseball season by recounting his brush with greatness from his college playing days.

The former Rider University baseball player now enjoys a new sport.

As a Freshman in 1998 Young had the opportunity to start on the mound against the 1998 Collegiate Baseball National Player of the Year and consensus All-American, current Texas Ranger melonhead Kevin Mench. That year Mench lead the NCAA with 33 homers and drove in 72 runs for the Delaware Blue Hens.

Photo: udel.edu

Tim sets the table for us...

If I could just start a little before the game. I had pitched in a few games already, but never started. This was my first start in college (because it wasn't a conference game and didn't mean anything to the team). Also, it was the catcher's first time first time catching in a live game. I had known this newly converted catcher for many years, as we grew up playing baseball against each other. He was a great pitcher, but an even better hitter. In order to get him into the lineup (I suspect), they made him into a catcher.

Anyway, on the hour long trip to Delaware in our schools Ford Econoline vans, my teammates are mentioning that this guy, Mench, is leading the nation in home runs plays for Delaware. Those things didn't bother me, in fact, it motivates me. Getting this Mench guy out would be a good story for my friends and maybe I could gain a little respect in the eyes of my teammates and coaches.

Now you will have to forgive me for not knowing all of the facts but this was ten years ago, plus there was only one part of the story (three times) that it worth mentioning.

When Kevin Mench steps to the plate you can't help but notice the size of this guy. Big guy, reminds me of the players from the Gas-House Gorillas (Bugs Bunny).

I can't say whether or not I was ahead of him in the count but one thing is for sure, there were two strikes. Next pitch is going to be a curve ball in the dirt (now that I think about it, I had to have been ahead of the count because you wouldn't throw a ball in the dirt purposely unless you are ahead). Mench swings and misses. I have a sigh of relief. Then I see my catchers back as he runs behind home plate and Mench taking off to first base. I don't remember if there was a throw to first or not but I do remember he made it safe. Oh well...it's still a strike out. New catcher, first time starting, we can let this one slide.

The second plate appearance by Mench is much like the first. I get ahead of him in the count. I have two strikes on him. Time for an off-speed pitch in the dirt. I can't tell you if it was a curveball or a change-up, but I can tell you that he swung...and missed...and made it to first base again on a K E-2 (strike out swinging, error on the catcher) in the books. I couldn't help but smile but COME ON! Two times to the same batter, and this is the only guy on their team that I WANT to strike out and send back to the dugout.

With out getting into specifics, it happened again. Two strikes, blah blah...ahead in the count, blah blah...strike three in the dirt and blah blah...guess who is on first again.

I didn't have much of a college career but I do have a good story to tell. I struck out a major league baseball player three times. That's my unfortunate claim to fame. And until the sports world starts recognizing "Beer League" softball and Quoits, it's probably going to be my only claim to fame.

I'm sure Mench doesn't have a clue who I am and probably doesn't even remember the game, but I do. How can you not tell that story after seeing the guy playing on TV?

I see the catcher from the game every once in a while at the local watering holes and we can't help mentioning it after a few sips of our beers. Good times.

We searched like hell for a box score and news clipping of the game, to no avail. However, the Rider University Sports Information Director did confirm the following:

"At this time I can confirm that Tim Young pitched one season for Rider, in 1998 as a freshman, and did receive the decision (11-3 loss) in the Rider game at Delaware. He gave up 10 runs (5 earned)... Mench did play in that game but I have not found a box score or the scorebook."

That's good enough in our book.

I (Ren) also have a story tangentially related to this.

I also grew up playing ball against the catcher referenced by Tim. In a Babe Ruth League game he was playing short, I was standing on second in a game in which we were being blown out. The pitcher was a high school classmate of mine, a real shyster, who incidentally also ended up going to Rider. I'm taking a lead and chatting up the Catcher (playing short) and the ump (who happened to grow up with each of our fathers). Again, a blow out, no one's really very into the game. My buddy, the shyster pitcher, decides to collude with the second baseman and pick me off. Frozen, still mid-conversation with the ump and shortstop/catcher, the three of us are bewildered while everyone else in the field, in the dugouts and in the stands are waiting for the ump to make a call. His call, "Timeout. Time was out."

Beautiful.

Special thanks to Young and the Rider University Athletic Department & Director of Sports Information.