DeMar DeRozan: Prop Comic?

After watching this video at Deadspin of what the dunk contest would be sans the gimmicks, I'm all for it.

However, the dude making the call for a prop-less All-Star Saturday night might have had a real hint of dark humor in him.

From a Tweet on 2/15...

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Yes We Can!: Phil Jackson Calls for Suppression of Ethnic Voters

LA coach wants to change the system to keep THOSE people out of the voting booth.

From SLAM Online (via Bunch) Phil Jackson Unhappy With All-Star Voting:

"That Chinese fan group, they vote for the Houston team because of Yao Ming and their relationship to Houston. It’s all skewed."

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Dwight Howard: Ding Fries Are Done

Our friends at McDonald's passed along some great photos of Dwight Howard visiting fans at a McDonald’s in Phoenix before All Star Weekend's Slam Dunk contest.

Dwight Howard (Center) and Bill Walton (2nd from left in yellow) serving up a 1/4 Pounder with Cheese during All-Star Weekend.

Eat your heart out, Mark Cuban.

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A Cut Above the Rest

On the day the Bush administration announced its opposition to tobacco regulation, we honor MLB's big dippers.

In collaboration with a fantastic new dip enthusiast site, RipDips.com, we present our favorite players at each position who are unashamed to pack a fatty on national television.

Be sure to keep an eye out for Rip Dip's Dip of the Week, sports fans.

P Bobby Jenks
C Jason Kendall
1B Prince Fielder
2B Chase Utley
3B Chipper Jones*
SS Hanley Ramirez
LF Pat Burrell
CF Johnny Damon**
RF Brian Giles
DH David Ortiz
Honorary Capt. Lenny Dykstra

*Larry + Chipper = "Lipper"
**Centerfield is sacred ground among smokeless tobacco users. Lenny Dykstra's influence will never be rivaled. That said, Damon packs a helluva pinch. Famous quitter Bret Butler roamed there, as does born-again icon Josh Hamilton.

To honor this select group I present this, from my college archives...

The once legendary and widely circulated "50 Signs You're a Dipper" list.

Brings a tear to my eye.

1. You know cool words like "fatty", "spitter", and "lipper"
2. You dip when you're depressed.
3. You dip when you're happy.
4. You've probably spent close to 750 dollars on bottled water only to see it poured out in the Pantry Parking lot.
5. You trim your fingernails in a specific manner to better facilitate the opening of a can.
6. Your dip collection is the pride of your dorm room.
7. You have a log of dip in your fridge at this instant.
8. The term "The Big Dipper" has no astronomical meaning to you at all.
9. You once hooked up with a girl, only to comment to your friends how much her breath mints made her taste like Spearmint Skoal.
10. You once made a girl cry for spilling your can of dip.
11. Once, after a friend poured his heart out to you about why his life sucked, you replied with: "That sucks. . . . .Wanna dip?" and it made him feel better.
12. More than once, you've gone hungry in order to have money for more dip.
13. You answer the question "Got any dip?" with the questoin "Am I Breathing?"
14. You have knowingly watched a guy you didn't know drink your spitter, loogeys and all, only to laugh as he puked in the sink.
15. You have dipped a half a can at one time.
16. You dipped in physics class only to spit in dirty beakers.
17. You've spilled a can of dip on the ground, but took a pinch off the pile before admitting the can had been lost.
18. You can pack a can to the tune of Stairway to Heaven.
19. You have engaged in masturbatory exercises while dipping.
20. You once sent an email to a buddy that consisted only of the word "dip" repeated over and over.
21. The afore-mentioned email meant a lot to your friend.
22. You cried when you thought you were giving up dip forever.
23. You once tried to quit and almost made it 72 hours without a dip.
24. Your ideal death would be "Death By Nicotine".
25. No matter how much you've done it, a hatred of smoking still burns red-hot deep inside you.
26. You've been kicked off an academic sports team for dipping.
27. You gain tremendous joy from making freshmen on your wrestling team dip.
28. You have once been awakened merely by the smell of dip in your room.
29. You brain instinctively tunes out a female voice speaking the words: "Eewwwww. That's nasty."
30. You watched the World Series just to see which pitcher had the biggest dip in.
31. If you meet a guy for the first time, no matter how big of a dick he is, if he's dipping, you think to yourself, "He can't be that bad."
32. When a friend mumbles to you, "Mmmmmm, mmmmmm." You understand him clearly to say, "Please, good friend, hand me my spitter."
33. One time, a guy you hardly knew gave you a free can of dip, you told him you loved him, and you meant it.
34. Your opinion of a zoo rests entirely on whether it posesses kodiak bears.
35. In a drunken stupor, you once had a conversation with the Bear.
36. You re-wrote the lyrics to Candle in the Wind to dedicate the song to Kodiak.
37. Your mom bought you dip for your 17th birthday.
38. At one time or another, you were kissing your girlfriend and thinking whether or not you had any dip in your car.
39. Your girlfriend threatened to leave you bc you dipped.
40. You called her bluff.
41. One of your most treasured memories includes sitting on a log in the woods behind your high school baseball field dipping Skoal Classic with one of your best friends.
42. News of a new kind of dip gets you all riled up for two weeks straight.
43. You own a cuspidor solely because you and your friends dipped your asses off for two months.
44. You have once said this: "Damn my lip hurts. Anybody got a dip?"
45. You once dipped Cougar bc it claimed to be dip.
46. Your girlfriend once gave you and your buddies a bunch of free dip.
47. Your intense fascination with Diamond Dallas Page can be traced to your subconscious association of the letters "DDP" with "DIP".
48. Your dentist told you to stop dipping.
49. You didn't listen.
50. Once you were stung by a bee, so you held a pinch of skoal cherry to your face.

Yankee Stadium HRD Security Chokes Out Fan

Anyone catch the world of hurt security put on these two fan boys in center last night?

My, God. Jesus Loves the Longball.

My apathy over the first four hitters has been erased with each swing of Josh Hamilton's bat.

Iceman Eddie from the RF awning:

"I might go down on hamilton tonight"

"Absolutely smoking the ball,unreal"

Steve Phillips vs. the Hat

Last year just prior to the playoffs, we conducted a little experiment to determine whether or not the prognostications of so-called MLB expert Steve Phillips was any more or less accurate than randomly picking teams out of a hat.

As you could have guessed, our New Era was as smart as Steve Phillips. Both "accurately" hit .500 in their LDS picks.

Well, the hat's back. Shortly, sluggers will step into the batters box in the House that Ruth Built.

As such, the 4-Letter's talking heads made their predictions. Well, so did New Era. Let's see what happens.

• John Kruk - Utley
• Eric Young - Berkman
• Steve Phillips - Hamilton
• Sports Nation - Hamilton
• Hat - Sizemore

The winner of the 2008 Home Run Derby is....

Ryan Braun.

How do I know? Because of my impatience. I hate waiting for anything. I got tired of ESPN and First Take reminding me 13,000 times this morning that the derby is tonight, in between segments of 1st and Ten with Skip Bayless debating rapper Nelly (I wish that was a joke). Jacobsen telling me to vote for who I think was going to win was pissing me off to no end. I wish ESPN would put up a meaningful poll like 'which ESPN personality will be the next to have a blog named after them.' (Smart money is on Van Pelt Hunter)

Does anyone under the age of 8 give a crap about the outcome of the home run derby? The only people interested are fans of the eight players involved only because they hope it doesn't ruin their swing for the rest of the season. I don't give a crap to vote or even watch so I decided to take matters into my own chubby hands and do an experiment that has just about as much chance of predicting a winner as any ESPN poll.

I played out the derby on MLB 2008. Braun wins over Berkman by launching 12 homeruns in the final round. Here are some other predictions I am making based on my simulation, ESPN's predictability and derbys from years past.

- Corey Hart's daughter and the kid drinking at the Cubs game are going to get TANKED and make some really bad decisions. He will never call her after tonight.
- The derby will last much longer then my 20 minute contest. One of Berman's stories and homerun calls will last even longer.
- Joe Morgan will remind us he once won the homerun derby and invented the periodical chart of the elements
- John Sterling and Suze Waldman will STILL get the homerun calls wrong.
- Someone will swing and miss because the cat jumped from the top of the couch onto his nuts
- Someone in the crowd will say the F word.
- Kenny Mayne will do something silly. That rapscallion.
- Someone in the crowd will say the F' word in Italian.
- 329- Number of MSM articles on Weds that will talk about how terrible Yankee Staduim is to visit.
- 52,000- Average attendence for a Yankee home game and the avergae number of people who already fucking knew that.
- 98- number of bloggers in attendence.
- 98- number of bloggers in attendence who are wasted and reak of beer and weed. (Hide Corey Hart's daughter)
- Josh Hamilton will celebrate a long homerun by pretending to sniff the first base line.

See, you aren't going to miss much. Go out and get hammered and make it home in time for the celebrity softball game.

This guy beat out Pat Burrell?

This guy hasn't had a hit since 1984. Terrible.

FAIL!

Alyssa Milano Up to Her Old Groupie-Like Antics?

Look out Jennifer. While the ballplayer-loving bombshell will be at the Park tomorrow pimping her MLB ladies-wear, she noted yesterday that she can't wait to see her some "hottie" Chase Utley at the All-Star game next week.

Vote The Pat

When he warrants criticism, we provide it. When he plays like a #1 pick, we praise him.

After years of flashes of greatness, unreached potential and perennial Met killing, Pat the Pat Burrell deserves a spot on this year's NL All-Star roster.

Show your love.

Rusty Reckons: All Star Weekend!

Time sure flies when you're driving fast! Seems like just yesterday, we were down in Daytona. This coming weekend, the boys come home to North Carolina and Lowe's Motor Speedway for the NASCAR All-Star Race.

The NASCAR All-Star race is a unique beast. Drivers qualify through a various number of ways, being current year race winners, past champions, past winners of the All-Star race, and finally the winner of the Sprint Open. Any driver in the top 50 in points who is competing in 2008 is eligible for the Open, and the winner then makes the All-Star race. Whew!

But what makes the NASCAR All-Star race the best All-Star competition in professional sports is the fact that unlike other sports where athletes are just having a good time or aren't really playing to their full potential, the NASCAR All-Star race is racing like no other. There are no points. The only thing that matters is winning. Finishing 2nd doesn't do a darn thing. So, driver's will do insane things in order to win. It's kinda like everyone taking a "checkers or wreckers" driving style to the racetrack for this one short race. IT'S INSANE and IT'S AWESOME!!!!

The only down side is the stupid performances that go along with it. A few years ago, they had Red Hot Chili Peppers playing in Turn 1, DURING THE RACE!!!! It was the most God awful thing I've ever heard. Ole Rusty understands that NASCAR is trying to lure new fans, but gracious, they don't need to be abandoning the tried and true fans, do they? I sure hope they tone it down this year.

Well, since there's no points race this weekend, there's no fantasy picks either. But that's okay, cause Rusty needs extra time to prepare for the Coca Cola 600 next weekend. What LOOOOOONNNNNNGGGG race.

So, y'all come back now, hear?

10 Years Later: 1998 NBA All-Star Game

ESPN Classic today had an NBA All-Star marathon on. I just happened to flip through during the 1998 game, only to see Jayson Williams owning the boards as if they were a rented limo driver. He'd then kick it out to Timmy Hardaway who'd gracefully sweep down the floor like a pretty little ballerina.

The degenerate names that were mentioned on the East/West squads would make the Mean Machine look wholesome and comprised of law-abiding citizens. Sure, Duncan, Garnett & the Admiral skew things a bit towards positivity, but even they couldn't polish the turd that was the 1998 NBA All-Star game (thanks to its respective rosters).

Let's take a look at some of the outstanding life and career accomplishments of '98's finest. We have adulterers, wife-beaters, alcoholics and accused rapists, just to name a few. What better place to feature such degenerates than New York City!

CLE Shawn Kemp - Fornicator & Father of 13.
DET Grant Hill - Stars in a Nickelback video.
ATL Dikembe Mutombo - Gold Club patron.
CHI Michael Jordan - Degenerate gambler, adulterer, divorcee.
ORL Anfernee Hardaway - "Li'l Penny" lives in his pants.
MIA Tim Hardaway - Homophobe.
NJN Jayson Williams - Killer.
IND Rik Smits - Freaky, deaky Dutch.
IND Reggie Miller - Titty Lover.
CHA Glen Rice - Beats up men who hide in his wife's closet.
ATL Steve Smith - All World wide receiver.
BOS Antoine Walker - Ballooned to 3 bills.


UTA Karl Malone - Hits on teammates' wives.
MIN Kevin Garnett - Didn't even attend college; has his own initials tattooed (in case he forgets).
LAL Shaquille O'Neal - Union scab (2000).
LAL Kobe Bryant - Accused Rapist.
SEA Gary Payton - Poor Sportsman.
SEA Vin Baker - Alcoholic Over-eater.
LAL Eddie Jones - Career Second/Third Fiddle.
SAS David Robinson - Haier Shooting Star champion.
SAC Mitch Richmond - NBA Live legacy will outlive NBA legacy.
PHX Jason Kidd - Wife Beater.
SAS Tim Duncan - Tarnishes a well-respected referee with condescending smirk.
LAL Nick Van Exel - Ugly.

Reggie Miller Loves the Titty

Sir Charles by far stole the show last night on the announcer end - until Reggie Miller attempted to clarify and justify his love of the "titty."



That's almost as precious as Dikembe "Who Wants to Sex" Mutombo's reaction after every dunk.

All-Star Saturday Look-Alikes

As the teams are introduced for the Haier Shooting Stars competition, I thought to myself, "Hey, that Becky Hammon is kind of cute for a WNBAer." Ariel pointed out that she looks like Liz Hasselbeck.


She is now my favorite WNBA player and HHR's official favorite woman's basketball player.

BJ Armstrong still looks 10-years old.

When did Bill Laimbeer blow up like a wood tick?

The former Detroit Bad Boy bears a striking resemblance to superfan David Puddy.