Speaking of Birthdays...

Happy 32nd to Philadelphia's resident machine and longest tenured Phillie, Pat Burrell.

See you at the Irish Pub after the game.

Photo: The 700 Level

Citing Conversations with Players & Coaches, Phillies Beat Writer Bemoans Lack of Access

And us lowly bloggers think we have it bad...

Phillies beat writer Randy "Randorino" Miller wants to be honest about players (right after he has dinner with their families). But how can he when he can't even get Pat Burrell to give him a few minutes?

In an unintentionally funny piece about "The Bat" cutting out on reporters after his 5-RBI game the other night against LA, Randorino inflates his self worth to assume it is more than staring at naked jocks as they scrub their asses after games in hopes of getting a mediocre quote for a mediocre game recap.

Here's a money quote for you, straight from Miller: "But Burrell has gotten on me for being a tough reporter, sometimes in front of others."

"Tough reporters" apparently cry about getting stiffed.

It's a funny read. Check it out: "Another media stiffing, this time from Pat the Scat."

(Wait a minute..."Stiffing" from the "Scat"? I'm beginning to think this goes much deeper than an interview snub.)

Anyway...Note the way he blasts the players for not talking once or twice, when in the same breath he mentions how good Burrell has been to him. Watch as Randy builds Burrell up and basically says "you make my job hard."

Be warned... WATCH OUT! For Dropping Names!

• "When Charlie was done talking, we all headed to the clubhouse..."
• "(I brought this up to Manuel on Saturday and he agreed)."
• "When I asked Phillies Public Relations official Greg Casterioto if this true ..."
• "Wagner was out to dinner with myself..."
• "Earlier this year, a Phillies player approached me about this topic."

Can I be paid to have complete access to these players, and get NOTHING?

Only In Philadelphia

Would fans spend years belittling Pat Burrell for his perennial under-performance, only to scoff at the idea of trading him for a two-time World Series-winning, first ballot Hall of Famer and the greatest RBI producer of his generation when such rumors surface.

"No, seriously. I've ALWAYS loved Pat Burrell."
Photo: Finger Food

Phils-ville's Kevin Cooney adds " some things up on why this deal won’t happen."

Here's his justification and my rebuttal:

1) Ramirez is a locker room cancer. With the exception of the Jimmy Rollins episode, the Phils locker room seems pretty together.

Really? Seems like a fun-loving guy to me, aside from the whole punching out the traveling secretary thing.

But let's get serious. Charlie brought Manny up, and for all the Phils' skipper's shortcomings, he seems the perfect guy to keep Manny in check.

For the record, I believe you mean "Jimmy Rollins episodes."

2) Ramirez and Burrell’s numbers are eerily similar this season. Burrell’s probably a better defensive outfielder as well.

This season. Say no more.

The Phillies have been trying to unload Burrell for years with no success. If you can get rid of him, and suppose Manny doesn't work out, you acquire a greater bargaining chip and commodity in Ramirez. He either helps you himself or helps you acquire tallent.

3) Ramirez would likely want the Phils to pick up the $20 million option for next season- an event that probably won’t happen. Especially when Ryan Howard and Cole Hamels will likely get big awards in arbitration/new contracts over the winter.

And the Phils will likely underperform in the playoffs, if they in fact make them.

The move would electrify the city and make a frustrating Howard expendible.

If we are dealing in hypotheticals I'd ask, "What if Kevin Cooney had some real insight to offer readers?"

4) While the Phillies need a bat, they really need someone who can get on base- not just hit for power. If you take Burrell out and move Ramirez in, its the same beast.

Kevin Cooney just put Pat Burrell on the same level as Manny Ramirez.

Only in Philadelphia.

This guy beat out Pat Burrell?

This guy hasn't had a hit since 1984. Terrible.

FAIL!