Pittsburgh: Where Ward Trumps War

Hines Ward's Cha Cha seems to be the top news story in Western, PA. Not like there's anything else going on in the world.

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He's No Gino, But He'll Do

At many a Celtics game, the audience is graced with the hypnotic dancing of Gino. But I think the Garden may have a new dancer to emulate. Granted, it requires the lethal combination of Bon Jovi and Budweiser, but that's OK.


You know, I think this guy might have been at my wedding. Come to think of it, the reason he looks so familiar is he's been to every wedding ever. And for those of you who have not met our friend Gino, please check him out at the 16 second mark here.



via Bostonist.

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Warren Sapp Continues to Embarrass Himself, Miami Football Program

Something called a "Griffin Matthews," which to the best of my knowledge is a gay Steve Urkel, "tussles with teddy bear Warren Sapp." Click here to watch the QBKilla in all his glory.

Warren Sapp Sets Miami Football Back 25 Years

"The Miami Hurricanes are the beast of college football. A sports powerhouse unlike any other, they are a dynasty fueled not by indiviudals but by the aura of "the Miami Vice" - a swaggering, trash-talking, us-against-the-world mentality."

-from 'Cane Mutiny by Bruce Feldman

The University of Miami football team and alumni association worked hard to earn the reputation as a bunch of lowlife thugs. Be it crack addiction, murder raps or unprecedented on-field brawls, these reps don't come overnight.

Somewhere in America sits a man named Ray Lewis. Undoubtedly, Mr. Lewis is seething to stab Warren Sapp repeatedly in the heart with a butter knife, and most red-blooded American college football fans would find this totally justified, whether they care for the U or not.

You understand me, Sweet Tooth?

It's Time to Put an End to This Madness

E!: Mario Lopez perspires a lot. Or as he puts it: "I never feel awake unless I'm sweating." We know he's talking about being athletic and fit, but...ew.

"Ew" is right.

I have bitten my tongue long enough.

Whether it was Dancing With your-soon-to-be-ex-lover, displaying jazz hands on Broadway, reporting beside smarmy Jerry Penacoli, running ESPN Hollywood and The Other Half into bolivia, hosting the unwatchable America's Best Dance Crew, you will never, ever be anything more than Albert Clifford Slater.

Your on-again-off-again Hispanic accent, nothing more than an obvious ploy to win votes on DWTS, is as authentic as that of Scott Hall.

I do not want to see your abs. I am not sent to gaga land by your dimples.

Just leave me alone.

Be happy being a fake all-state football, wrestling and basketball player, not to mention a great Jheri-mulleted 80's drummer.



Accept the fact that you are as much a caricature as your buddy Dustin Diamond (Mike D's brother, and Neil's son).

You insist upon yourself.

I love The Money Pit. That is my answer to that statement.

WaPo: Ties Between Dolphins, Jason Taylor All But Severed

Apparently, the Phins are still not over the fact Taylor's been shakin' his ass with Edyta.

Image: The Sports Hernia

Ties Between Dolphins, Jason Taylor All But Severed

The feud between Jason Taylor and the Miami Dolphins intensified Wednesday, when coach Tony Sparano said the Pro Bowl defensive end isn't expected to take part in any team activities through training camp.

The article describes said feud as "For weeks the new Dolphins regime, led by Bill Parcells, has fumed while Taylor spent his offseason focused on a budding Hollywood career rather than back in South Florida working out with teammates."

Said Sporano: "I'm glad we know this. We've gotten the information, and that's important." Apparently the "information" is that Taylor will attend neither mini-camps nor training camp.

"That being said, we need to discuss the current players on our team right now that have been busting their butt for nine weeks here."

Ariel Dances with the American Idol

On DWTS, Taylor and Yamaguchi were both outdanced by a one-armed Cristian de la Fuente, and I have to say, he and Cheryl really did a great job. Despite being in the middle of the pack as far as judging is concerned, it was Mario who got sent home last night. But I have to say, I am pretty damn shocked that he lasted this long. Maybe people really thought he was Chris Rock?

Last night on Idol, Jason Castro, resident Stoned Age extra sang a horrific version of Bob Marley's "I Shot the Sheriff," and forgot the chorus to Bob Dylan's "Tamborine Man." I mean, this is supposedly right in your wheelhouse, dude. Hey, hippie, maybe if you layed off the reefer you'd have remembered the damn lines. Hopefully, this d-bag gets sent home tonight. Ren and I have only been watching a few weeks now, and just cannot stomach the sight, let alone sound, of him.

I have to say, little Archuletta has a kick ass voice, but again, I have no clue what kind of record he'd make. We still like David Cook who did a good "Baba O'Riley", and Syesha channeled Sam Cook in a very heartfelt and personal performance. It should be the three of them into next week, if the stars align correctly.

Jason Taylor Continues to Impress Bill Parcells

As if Taylor didn't already make an impression on the Tuna, now he's back to playing dress up.

Then again, if Edyta Sliminska told me to shake some maracas, I can't say I wouldn't humor her. But did he really need that spray tan? Parcells is going to love this.

Ariel Dances with the American Idol

AI

So, last night I was able to finally take in some American Idol. And thankfully, I think this season worked out in my favor. I wasn't too jazzed about many of the people in the competition so coming in with only 5 left was probaby a good idea.

David Cook is definitely the best one, and hopefully America will agree. I think Jason Castro is boring and I mean, who needs another Jack Johnson or John Mayer? David Archuleta can sing, but he just looks like a baby, and what kind of album would he really make if he won? He should try broadway or something first... he has the voice for it. Anyways, hopefully Castro will be heading home, but fear it'll be Syesha eventhough she did well last night.

DWTS

Thankfully Shannon Elizabeth got sent home last night. I don't dislike her for any real reason. She is cute, and never really had a problem with her before. But her crying and overall whiny antics (she complained about an outfit that was made for her, and requested a new one) on the show just kind of turned me off. That combined with the fact that she was clearly too tall for ballroom dance, and has NO hips (must be easy for her to buy jeans.... BITCH), I mean she just wasn't fun to watch. At least she and Derek can now make their relationship legitimate.

So that leaves us with Jason Taylor, Cristian de la Fuente, Kristi Yamaguchi, Marissa Jaret Winokur, and Mario. I think the next to go will be Mario or Marissa, though I like Marissa. Hopefully Cristian's arm will hold up for the rest of the competition because is fun to watch.

Jason Taylor Paso Dobles to MNF Theme

Last night was a good night on DWTS. All 6 couples performed two dances on their quest for the disco globe trophy.

While Jason and Edyta started the night with a Quick Step (one of my favorite dances), it was their second dance, the Paso Doble, that proved to have the most comedic value. His outfit, for one, was a bit figure-skaterish for my tastes. Her outfit, was just goofy. They should have ditched the long skirt thing and just let her dance in the cheerleader outfit (yes, I have a girl crush). The judges applauded their Quick Step (they got a 29), and thought the Paso was entertaining and different.

Other noteworthy observations from last nights show:

Shannon Elizabeth is just too tall for ballroom dancing. The judges are right that she looks awkward and lanky. Hopefully she'll be going home tonight. I've just had enough.

Cristian de la Fuente might be going home tonight. His pulled muscle during dance #2 last night probably jeopardized his score enough that if the votes don't come in, he might go home.

Kristi was knocked from the top position last night by Jason and Edyta, but she'll definitely be in the finals.

Marissa Jaret-Winokur is just adorable and is improving every week. I'd like to see her stay for entertainment sake.

Ariel Dances withOUT the Biggest Loser

This was the first Tuesday in a long while without Biggest Loser. I guess I need to suck it up and watch the remaining contestants on American Idol. Not sure Ren will be down with that. He was fairly adamant about how much he hates them this year.

Last night on Dancing with the Stars we bid farewell to Marlee Matlin. While inspirational indeed,(DWTS mentioned that EVERY WEEK) unfortunately the dances got harder and her inability to hear the music really affected her rhythm.

Kristi Yamaguchi is still the one to beat, scoring a perfect 30 with a Jive that looked damn near professional level. Jason and Edyta had a tough week, but their hotness carried them safely to the next round.

Shannon and Derek got cozy on the off week, sharing a smooch on the beach, and got grilled regarding their "showmance" by Samantha Harris before judging. She is 34 (Shannon Elizabeth), which was kind of shocking to me. Derek is a mere 22, for those keeping score.

(Separated at Birth... )

Ren's favorite Chris Rock doppleganger, Mario (anyone remember Rock from Beverly Hills Cop 2? Uncanny...) , holds steady and if he keeps enough audience interest will make it to the finals. Not sure he is well-known enough to keep the votes coming in.

Ariel Dances with the Biggest Idol

Tuesday night reality TV update....

First off, I did not watch one second of Idol. The night was too full with other obligations, and something had to give. Sorry Seacrest, but as Heidi Klum would say "You're out." Our buddy Illuminati over at phillyburbs did a recap I can respect...

Big night on the Biggest Loser. The final weigh-ins before the finale took place, and boy were we shocked. Well, Dunbar actually noted that he thought Mark looked as though he was "being shocked with an electric prod in the rear" when he found out he had lost 11 pounds.



Both guys lost about 6.4% of their total weight last night, and thought they were safely headed to the finale. But boy were they wrong. Ali and Kelly lost a combined 24 pounds, and secured their places in the finals. Both guys were shocked. From a strategic perspective Roger thought for sure he was going home. He is the bigger guy, and definitely the bigger threat, having already lost 144 lbs, and having enough weight still on him to safely lose another 20-30 before the end.

But.... of course another Loser "shocker".... Ali (host) lets them know that America will actually vote on which contestant gets to continue on with the competition. Realistically, if America votes for Mark, I think the girls have a better chance. Mark really does not have much more weight to lose, and actually might add more muscle. I mean he's down to 170... and he is a taller guy. I also don't think Ali has much more weight to lose... she's already lost 99lbs, and is at about 135, and I mean if she drops below the 120lb mark she is just going to look sick.

Kelly on the other hand definitely has more to lose. I think she is down to 170 something, and can probably lose another 30lbs easily. I think she'll look the most different at the finale.

But these are just my thoughts. I am excited at the prospect of a woman winning, but only think it can happen if America chooses to keep Mark in the competition, and unfortunately I just like Roger better :)

Dancing with the Stars:

My prediction was right... Carolla was sent packing. Thank god. He was a horrible dancer, and while not as bad as Wayne Newton, was still a bit uncomfortable to watch. A little surprised that he shared the bottom two with Priscilla Presley, but she lived very reclusively prior to coming on the show, so her fan base might have dwindled.

Ariel Dances with the Biggest Idol

I'll cut to the chase.... Dan from BL, and Penn and Monica from DWTS all got sent packing last night, in what was an easier reality TV night for me to handle.

On BL, the guys were getting a little cocky about how much weight they have to lose vs. the remaining two ladies. During the challenge they clearly gunned for the girls, with Kelly being the bigger target which was just poor form to me.

If they had any brain, and really wanted to win the $250K they would start to turn on eachother, as they are their own biggest competition. I mean, jeez, what kind of reality show is this where people are nice and stick together and whatnot? We need some backstabbing, damnit!

In the end, Ren's boy Dan only lost 1 pound and was sent below the yellow line with his "teammate" Mark. Because Mark already got sent home once (he won his way back to the show, though I think he's next) you knew it'd be Danny boy. Kelly and Ali both wowed the guys and dropped 7 and 6 pounds respectively, securing their place atop the leader board.

On DWTS, the first elimination was a predictable one. Monica Seles and Penn Jillette, the two lowest scorers also garnered the least amount of votes and were sent on their way. I am not sad. They both were painful to watch.

As far as Idol, Ren and I only caught two performances. Ren's sis called promptly at 9:34 to discuss the final performance of the evening, David Cook's rendition of Billy Jean, but alas we could not comment, and could only speak for a few min anyways since loser was coming back from commercial break. This morning I did watch a few of the performances I missed, and I still like Brooke White... and David Cook did rock the house. I think Kristy Lee will probably get sent home tonight, much to Simon's delight.

Grunting with the Stars

As Monica Seles stumbles her way through Dancing with the Stars, unless she finds herself a compettive edge, she's likely not going to remain on the show much long.

Perhaps she should give a call to an old friend.

From this month's Men's Vogue:

In the early 1990s, Monica Seles grunted her way to nine Grand Slam titles and became the game's top-ranked female player for two years running. At its peak, her ox-like bellow measured 93.2 decibels — not Sharapovian, but loud enough for the London tabloids to compare it to a freight train. This made Seles something of a pariah on the women's tour — Martina Navratilova once complained that Seles was making such a ruckus that she couldn't hear the ball come off the racket. What few people know is that Seles's grunting was not an unseemly habit but a deliberate competitive strategy, drilled into her by a sports psychologist named Jim Loehr.

Loehr, who is chairman and CEO of the Human Performance Institute in Orlando, Florida, is the father of tennis grunting. There had long been grunters on tour, players like Vicki Palmer and Jimmy Connors, but never before had the grunt been harnessed as a performance tool. Grunting helps to relax the muscles, Loehr claims, and prevents the kind of stiffness that results in "iron elbow" — which can cause a forehand to find its way into the net. Loehr met Seles in 1986, when she was a timid and polite 12-year-old, a condition that carried over into her game. Loehr encouraged her to breathe out forcefully — to grunt — and soon the pint-size Seles became a ferocious, swaggering player. As the trophies piled up, Seles unleashed her full inner grunter. "She felt so good that it became more and more vocal," Loehr told me recently. When noises of discontent emerged from what one Wimbledon referee would later dub the "counter-grunt culture," Seles turned down the volume. "The world says stop, then she stops and she loses three consecutive finals," Loehr says. Seles reported receiving anguished fan letters that read, "Monica, you've got to grunt again."

The nature of grunt-hating can be directly tied to Seles's lips. It turns out grunting is not just a case of poor etiquette, like belching at the dinner table or forgetting to wipe the sweat off the StairMaster. What underlies the Seles case — and that of the spate of recent grunters like Stuart Sugarman and Alex Rodriguez — is gamesmanship. Grunting is about exerting power. "The alpha ape was a grunter," says Samuel Davis, and while this conclusion requires more study, it looks like he's on to something.

Roll Tide: Country Star Nabs 'Bama All-American

People Magazine is actually reporting a Country Star/QB romance not involving Cowboy Tony and Jessica Simpson.

The mag reports that Country Star (and Dancing with the Stars celeb) Sara Evans has become engaged to Jay Barker, quarterback of Alabama's 1992 national championship team and current WJOX Radio host in Birmingham (with one Al Del Grecco, mind you).

Maybe I need Ariel to clarify for me, but didn't Evans leave DWTS because her hubby was a porn monger?

Photo: People Magazine

Dirty Dancing?

I really hope this isn't true...

"Season two winners Drew Lachey and Cheryl Burke allegedly had an affair during the national tour to promote the show which ended last month."

I sincerely hope that this isn't true. I respect both of them a lot and would be sort of sad if it was. Drew - you were the cool Lachey brother. You can't let us down like this.

Dancing with the Biggest Idol

When 8:00 rolled around I thought I only had two reality shows to compete with for the night - Biggest Loser, and American Idol. Because Idol has done little this season to hold my attention, I didn't think it'd be such a difficult night.

The first hour of BL was filled with another reality TV favorite, Project Runway's Tim Gunn, helping the losers find outfits that show off their new physiques as they pose for a Prevention Magazine photoshoot. These transformations brought Gunn and Ren (who seems to be exhibiting the hormonal signs of MY pregnancy) to tears. Fluff - yes. But, at least it was good fluff.

AI was uneventful. We saw the blonde chick sing - she is good. And someone else... maybe one of the rock guys? Yeah, we were really paying attention.

At some point Ren says "Hey, isn't Dancing with the Stars on tonight?" SH*T!!!!!!!!!! He was right. Tuesday was the ladies.... how in the hell was I going to watch 3 shows at once... this was my own reality TV Trifecta.

The 9:00 hour was difficult. Thank God ABC ran DWTS from 9-10:30...

To sum it all up -

BL - Glad Brittany got the boot - she looks great, and is the smallest person at the ranch. She can manage at home. Let it be noted that Ren hates Dan because he is getting "too big for his britches."

AI - We like the rock guy, David Cook. Good stuff. Reminiscent of Daughtry, a personal fav.

DWTS - Monica Seles will get sent home. She looked stiff and uncomfortable. Kristy Yamaguchi was the best of the women, and Mario was the best of the men. Notable competition - Jason Taylor will do well, as will Shannon Elizabeth.

Dancing with the Tiger Man

Priscilla Presley spent the evening dancing with flamboyant Louis van Amstel.

He better thank his lucky stars the King isn't still around to witness it.

Booty Dancing With the Stars

Former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader and WWE Diva Stacy Kiebler hit mainstream popularity flaunting her near-perfect legs on the Dancing With The Stars ballroom floor.

Prior to being discovered by Ozzie Newsome and Vincent K. McMahon, she was busy flaunting her near-perfect rump for drunk, horny spring breakers. We're not judging.



h/t WND

More Dancing with Steve

I think the Stonecutters were keeping Steve Guttenberg under wraps all this time because they knew he had a screw loose. We'll see if their strategic move to put him back in the limelight will pay off.