The Devil Went Down to Florida and found The Korean Zombie

Well, if you’ve been living under a rock or have spent the last 5 or 6 days in a KFC Double-Down induced coma, you may not have heard the news: some shroomed-out MMA fighter down in Florida –land of the best episodes of C.O.P.S. ever produced—re-enacted a Mortal Kombat fatality and cut his friend’s heart out, ripped his face off and tore out his tongue… while he was alive… and then set the body parts on fire. I wish that I were joking.

“[Police Officer] Lee said that Wyatt said he'd cut out Powell's tongue, and that he'd removed his heart. He also mentioned that there had been a “big fight” in the kitchen. Wyatt told him that when he'd looked at Powell's face he'd seen the devil, Lee said.”

His eyes are as close together as his parents’ family trees.

Yep.

Having spent over two months in Florida in the late 90’s this in no way surprises me. When you get more than a mile away from the beach on either coast of America’s Wang, shit like this becomes the norm. It’s like a detention center for Road Warrior rejects and Carnies –like the continental US tipped on its axis and funneled all of the crazy down to be distilled and purified in a humid swamp-ridden netherworld. I am actually more surprised that he was on mushrooms and not biker-meth.

Florida: Go for the Shuttle-launches and Disney World, stay for the drug-fueled cannibalism and mohawks.

On the brighter side, according to Steve Cofield at Cagewriter, Leonard Garcia and Chan “The Korean Zombie” Sung Jung had breakfast together at Denny’s after pistol-whipping each other in to oblivion at WEC: Aldo vs. Faber. Not only that, they brought their families along.

Apparently they were both admitted to the same hospital post-fight and decided to catch a meal of blender-softened Grand Slams together after they were released from the trauma ward looking like they’d been shot out of a cannon and into a combine-harvester. This, to me, is the epitome of not only fighting as a sport but competition at its highest level. These two guys didn’t have to rely on demonizing each other –take note BJ Penn and Rashad Evans—in order to put on what at this point is arguably the best fight of the year. What they did do was stand toe-to-toe for 15 minutes, left everything in the cage and afterwards behaved like true professionals. They even exchanged shirts! Can you imagine Dan Hardy wandering around in a GSP shirt? No, you can’t because that guy is a jackass thug masquerading as an MMA fighter in Buddhist tattoos with shitty ground skills. Far be it from me to critique your Ohm Mani Pad Me Hum tattoo, Mr. Hardy, but if you truly meditated on the Six Paramitas you might discover the indelible truth of “If one licks balls at exactly one half of an entire sport –in your case anything involving grappling—then one shall find themselves curled up like a turtle and getting whaled on by a French-Canadian”.

Not pictured: self-awareness

That’s all for my rant. Stay tuned for how I picked a three-way parlay for my friend at UFC 115 and he screwed it all up by adding Tod Duffee to the bet. I would have been more upset with him had I not been hip-deep in a bender and missing a shoe.

Thanks for the extra day to recover, veterans!!

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Finn's UFC 113 Pre-Fight Predictions

Cinco de Mayo is upon us, sneaking up and ambushing our collective livers under cover of tax-season and unemployment reports. By the time you peel yourself off of the floor of the drunk-tank that you inevitably get thrown into, un-tag all of the photos of you that your buddies posted to facebook documenting your Tequila-induced tailspin, and get around to taking a shower it will probably be Friday. Once you finally get over the shock of finding yourself in one of those fake MasterCard ads you’re probably going to want to spend the weekend cocooned in your living room, blinds drawn, wallowing in shame.

Well pick up that remote, camper, there’s Man-fightin’ to be watched! Let’s see if UFC 113 can wash the stink of shame, urine and, most-likely, paraplegic stripper perfume off of your dehydrated corpse.

Kimbo Slice vs Matt Mitrione

Fresh off of a surprising –albeit insanely boring—victory over UFC journeyman Houston Alexander, Kimbo Slice looks to put his training time with the vaunted American Top-Team to good use and prove to all of us in t.v. land that he can do more than just lead with his chin and sling leather. Unfortunately for him slinging leather is all that NFL washout Matt Mitrione seems capable of. Well, that and talking an insane amount of shit. Mitrione has fought exactly one fight and that was a knockout of another NFL veteran, Marcus “The Black Mummy” Jones. Mitrione is fat and has shown no interest in not-being-fat, or training for that matter. His victory over Jones came after Jones got tired tossing him around the ring for an entire round and eventually tried to break Mitrione’s fist with his facial parts. In the industry we call this “the Homer Simpson Gambit” or “How to lose every fight you’re ever in unless you fight Tank Abbott.”

Even more interesting than the outcome of the fight is the question of whether or not the YouTube-tacular Kimbo can fully transform himself from internet one-trick-pony to a true MMA fighter? Kimbo has done an admiral job at dedicating himself to the sport and showing it the respect that it deserves since his humbling at the hands of Seth Petruzelli. And even more interesting than that is the fact that today I mowed my lawn using a push mower. What is this 1520? No, genius; the chicks in my neighborhood all drive Priuses’s-s-es and care about their carbon footprint –this thing’s gonna get me laid more than that windowless panel-van with the mattress in the back that I bought from Lawrence Taylor. –ZING!!!!—

Prediction: Kimbo via beard-smothering

Josh Koscheck vs. Paul “Semtex” Daley

This is another one of those classic stand-up vs. ground-and-pound matchups that the UFC has become so fond of. On the one hand we have TUF1 Alum Josh Koscheck. Koscheck is a phenomenal wrestler that is on par or better than everyone at his weight class in takedowns and ground and pound. Where he gets himself in trouble is when he gets too comfortable on his feet and begins moving away from using his hands as a set-up tool for his takedowns. Most of his “combinations” are not a surprise; you’ll see them coming, much like a 5 year-old trying to swing a sledge-hammer –they are obvious and painfully slow to develop. If you toss on an afro-wig and chase a friend around your living-room with your right fist cocked-back you will be performing a close approximation of Koscheck’s entire stand-up arsenal.

Paul “Semtex” Daley, on the other hand, has lighting-fast hands and can throw combinations from just about any angle. Where he falls short in the MMA game is in his takedown defense, or his total lack of it. This would not be as much of a concern if he had any semblance of a ground game to fall back on once he inevitably gets taken down, which he does not. Daley’s ground game is based around thinly-veiled panic wrapped in a complete lack of Jiu-Jitsu, wrestling or knowledge of even the word “composure”. Heading in to a matchup with someone like Koscheck –who’s takedown shoot resembles Blanka from Street-figther II’s ‘Cannonball’ attack—this becomes a real problem.

The one on the left, not the one on the right

This fight comes down to whether or not Koscheck can stick to his strengths and not get suckered in to a standup war –and inevitable KO loss—by Semtex and all of his pre-fight trash-talk. Koscheck’s ground game far outweighs Daley’s standup, much in the same way that your mom far outweighs all of the other girls –ahem, Women!!—that I’ve slept with in the back of my aforementioned panel-van.

Koscheck via Neck-biting Attack in the 2nd

Mauricio “Shogun” Rua vs. Lyoto “I Drink My Own Piss” Machida

Which finally brings us to the long-awaited rematch of Mauricio “Shogun” Rua and Lyoto Machida. The first meeting of these two ended in controversy when Rua had seemingly won a lopsided 5-round victory in everyone’s eyes; everyone’s eyes but the three judges at ringside who had apparently been watching re-runs of ‘What’s Happenin’ during the fight. I have heard arguments about this decision from both sides –pro and con—and have come to the following conclusion: if you think that Machida won the first fight you are a blind flipper-baby who should be required to wear a helmet and be given a special “Hug Me” sign to wear around your piss-stained neck. Arguments for the scoring ambiguity and ringside point-of-view aside, if you watch the video of that fight it is clear that Rua had won that fight. Just taking Machida’s “What the f*ck..?” reaction when he was announced as the winner is enough for me.

What Rua did in that fight is prove that if you are a phenomenal striker and all-around MMA fighter—which he is—and you stick to a viable game-plan, then you can pick Machida apart. This is not a recipe for victory for anyone; truly, only a singular talent like Rua—when healthy—could have pulled this type of victory off, a victory against an opponent who had buzzsawed his way through the light-heavyweight division without getting so much as a scratch on him. Machida is an unorthodox fighter with amazing reflexes, stifling takedown defense and a frustratingly patient counter-striking style. This, combined with his penchant for drinking his own urine, made him a lethal albeit often boring fighter. In his first fight with Rua he faced, for the first time, a fighter who was not only able to avoid falling in to his counter-striking game but was able go on the attack and do serious damage while doing so. The rematch will come down to much of the same thing: will Rua be able to stick to a similar gameplan and not let the ghosts of the first fight and that same gameplan’s short-fall in the eyes of the judges goad him in to ill-advised attacks and breaks of composure. If Rua can do that then Machida offers no viable counter-attack, the first fight proved that. At their best both of these fighters are lethal yet unorthodox strikers –Rua is just a little bit better.

Rua via TKO

Now that I’ve educated you on what you can expect from UFC 113, how ‘bout you educate yourself on what you can expect from that 50 year-old you banged in the bathroom of that cantina on Cinco de Mayo, frat-boy. Those crabs aren’t going to magically disappear all by themselves; you need a special shampoo to rid yourself of that kind of shame.

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Finn's UFC 112 Preview

Is it just me or are UFC fights starting to occur with more frequency than news-flashes involving Lindsay Lohan and drugs? There once was a time where not only could you not find these things on pay-per-view but you could also count the amount of tournaments occurring each year on one three-fingered hand. Back then you could spend weeks tracking down the latest bootlegged copy of mullet-festooned Tae Kwon Do green-belts and Sumo wrestlers wearing weight-lifting pants fighting in a backyard in Arkansas (or as some refer to it, UFC 1-5).


Gone are those days of backyard brawls, of a sport that was only legal in Canadian towns whose names contained an adjective followed by a noun, like Red Deer, Medicine Hat and Yellow Knife. Nowadays UFC fighters are recognized on the streets by everyday people, not just hard-core MMA geeks and fight fans. With this increase in visibility and marketability comes and increased demand and, to that end, a sharp increase in the amount of fights per year.

This brings us to our current problem: affordability. I can barely afford the duct-tape that I seal my broken windows with (don’t ask), much less 10 $55 pay-per-view fights per year. I’m no math whiz, but that comes out to like $8,000 dollars or something. No? $20? Whatever. Needless to say, it’s more than I can afford on my shoestring budget of Ramen breakfasts and popcorn dinners, so ordering them from Comcast is out of the question. Not that this would ever really be an issue –I don’t think my 1977 Zenith 20” has a cable outlet anyways. So, needless to say, I’ll be ensconced in my local watering hole for several hours during this coming weekend in order to watch UFC 112 for minimal personal cost. Between taking up an entire table for 3 hours and the forty-two diet-coke refills I’m going to pester the waitress for, I should be able to get out of there for about $2.50 AND the title of “Most Popular Customer EVER!!!”

Undercard Hilarity: Mostapha Al Turk vs. Jon Madsen

There are many things that Mostapha Al Turk is, but a great fighter he is not. He is the most likely person --not just fighter, mind you, but person-- to get strip-searched while on his way through customs prior to pretty much any flight that he happens to be on. He is not a fighter with a decent showing against anyone in the UFC up to this point. He is the instigator of one of the funniest exchanges that I’ve ever heard in my entire life between one of my friends and his significant other. It occurred during Al Turk’s UFC debut –an absolute pummeling at the hands of Cheik Kongo—and was one for the record books as far as instantly regrettable statements go. My buddy McDowell, who will be featured here frequently because of the sheer volume of ridiculousness that he is continuously involved in, was busy watching the fight when his girlfriend, Kim, asked “why doesn’t [Al Turk] just run away?” McDowell’s response was: “Honey, an Octagon’s not very big; it’s only got, like, five sides…” While you pause to check your slide rule on how wrong that previous statement is, I’ll busy myself with a fight prediction: Al Turk will continue to invite strip-searches at every port of call and Jon Madsen will win via something more exciting than an eye-poke. No, I did not spend very much time dissecting this bout; what I did do was spend most of the morning mistaking Jon Madsen for John Madden and getting really confused.

Madsen by 7pts via Quarterback-sneak

Main Card

Matt Hughes vs. Renzo Gracie

Now here is a fight that we all are clamoring to see. By ‘we’ of course I mean ‘the MMA viewing public at large circa 1999’. This would’ve been a good fight about 10 years ago but now is veering dangerously close to a Tito Ortiz vs. Ken Shamrock level of hyped-up ‘who gives a damn’. So what if Renzo Gracie feels like he has a score to settle with Matt Hughes because of the beating that Hughes threw his cousin, Royce Gracie, a few years back. So what if the feeling is mutual from Hughes’ side because of the submission victory that Renzo had over Hughes’ coach Pat Milletich back in 2006. Oooooh, background story –these guys must really hate each other. It’s Jets vs. Sharks; it’s Miyagi-do Karate vs. The Cobra-Kai. No, no it isn’t; it’s two middle-aged ground specialists who are going to spend 3 rounds laying on each other and making every homophobe (read: anyone in a foil-embossed t-shirt with ‘Affliction’ written anywhere on it) in attendance uncomfortable.

Matt Hughes TKO via The Shocker

BJ Penn vs. Frankie Edgar for the Lightweight Championship

You can always tell how amped-up BJ Penn is before a fight by the amount of crap he is talking about his opponent. Before his second fight with George St. Pierre you could have asked Penn what his favorite type of Hawaiian bbq was and his answer would be an Ultimate Warrior-style rant about beating GSP to death with his own leg. Before his fight with Sean Sherk you couldn’t get him to shut up about how Sherk was a roided-out cheater. For both of those fights Penn, who has been known to slack off in training, dedicated himself to full and intensive training camps. On the flip-side, leading up to his fight with Frankie Edgar Penn has done nothing but read aloud from the UFC’s “how to give the most boring vanilla interview” handbook.

An excerpt: Stare at camera. Call opponent a “worthy fighter”. Talk about your training camp. End with a wonderful cagey veteran quote: “I’m not looking past [insert fighter who you don’t respect’s name here].”

That’s all we’ve heard from Penn when it comes to Frankie Edgar. Is Edgar a “worthy fighter”? Well, against almost anyone else, yes, yes he is. He has a serviceable ground game that serves to set up his true strength, stand-up fighting. This plays well against Penn who’s standup is predicated on counter-punching and merely serves the exclamation point to his freakish ground skills. If Edgar can keep the fight standing up, then he has a chance. Not because his game matches up that well with Penn’s though, but for another reason entirely: a lack of expletive-filled rants from BJ Penn before a fight generally means that he has spent more time surfing and eating Poi during his training camp than he has in his gym, making him ripe for an upset. Do I think that it will happen this time? Definitely probably not.

BJ Penn by lazy-assed submission while eating a spam sandwich

Anderson Silva vs. Damien Maia

This bout was originally slated to pit Silva against who many consider to be the #1 contender at middleweight, Vitor Belfort. As happens so often in MMA, a fighter (Belfort) was injured during the lead up to the fight and the UFC was forced to scramble to find a serviceable replacement. Now what we have here is your quintessential short-term memory UFC fight: Anderson Silva vs. Damien Maia. I call this a ‘short-term memory fight’ for two reasons:

First, Damien Maia is one fight removed from his first UFC loss, an absolute mauling at the hands of Nate Marquardt, who has already lost to Silva, that ended 21 seconds in to the bout with Maia crumpled on the canvas from a punch that very likely caused him to empty his bowels and travel back in time. Now, one fight later, he’s getting a title-shot against a guy that, by the transitive property, has already kicked the crap out of him. MMA is still a growing sport and the UFC is going to continue to suffer these types of situations until the sport itself has been around long enough to have a larger pool from which to draw top-tier talent. That does not, however, mean that I am not going to draw attention to the ridiculousness of this matchup.

Second, Maia sports similar credentials to another (former) UFC fighter who Silva has already faced, Thales Leites. Leites was considered by many to be one of the best submission fighters in the middleweight division right up until he fought Silva at UFC 97. During his first, and likely only, shot at the UFC middleweight title MMA fans were treated to 5 rounds of Leites running away from Silva as if he were trapped in the cage with a roided-out machete-wielding polar bear. Not that Anderson Silva helped make much of a fight out of it either. Silva simply stalked Leites and waited for him to engage, never pressed the action and was content to let the fight go to a decision. This has been Silva’s modus-operandi in his last few title defenses and will probably continue versus Maia, a ground specialist with minimal stand-up skills. Look for lots of booing, though that might be illegal in Abu-Dhabi and punishable by stoning.

Silva via TKO (hey, I CAN make a semi-serious prediction!)

Whew, I’m tired from all of that typing and wikipedi--*ahem*--researching. Hey, internettin’ is hard work when you’re stuck indoors and festooned in adult-sized footie pajamas; these things breathe less than Heath Ledger. What, too soon?

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Finn's UFC 111 Post-Mortem

Well, UFC 111 has come and gone and, for the most part, that Saturday night played out mostly according to plan. Was I surprised by any of the outcomes? If you are talking about the outcomes of UFC 111, then my answer would be a resounding “no”. If you are talking about the outcome of the post-fight bender that my friends and I participated in, then my answer would have to be a slurred “Tha’ stripper iss a liar!” Word to the wise: when a bartender --particularly one who is known for pouring Jack and Cokes that are as clear as ginger-ale and could fuel a rocket—asks you if you “want a ‘Lindsay Lohan Shot” you should reply with “*shows bartender middle-finger*” and run away. For the uninitiated ‘Lindsay Lohan’ is a red-headed slut with a splash of Coke (*zing*) and a hangover cure it is not. Needless to say, mistakes were made –the kind that start out funny and spiral out of control like your Uncle at an open bar. But enough about your predisposition to alcoholism, rummy: back to the post-fight dissection.

Let’s start with the undercard. This is the part of the show that is generally fraught with lightning-fast knockouts, sloppy fighting, guys gassing 40 seconds into a fight and more blood splashing around the octagon than a Tarantino movie. These fights did not disappoint: by the time the final 3 fights took center stage the octagon looked like someone had slaughtered a pig in there and my buddy McDowell was convinced that he had enough cardio to compete on the undercard, despite his lack of training, stamina or the willingness to get hit in the face…. Ever.

McDowell: “Look at that guy! He can hardly stand up –he’s wheezing like Tank Abbott after a marathon.”

Me: “After a marathon Tank could still kick your face into next week while raping a panda. Hey, isn’t your nickname ‘sexual-harrassment panda’? What a coincidence…”

McD: “…..”

Me: *pointing to crotch* “Well, I’ve gotta go and rescue Jessica Biel from some Ninjas in my Lamborghini time-machine. Hold my drink while I kiss your girlfriend goodbye!!”

…And so forth. The point is: don’t get in imaginary arguments with me in my head; you will always lose and I am a racecar driver from the future.

Undercard Fight of the Night: Jared Hamman def. Rodney Wallace via unanimous decision

This fight was the quintessential undercard fight: two guys who obviously work 42 day jobs apiece and have the cardio of pack-a-day-smoking octogenarians. Jared “Safeway Bagger” Hamman outlasted Rodney “The Walking Definition of a Bench-Press Junkie” Wallace for the unanimous decision. After a brief 30-second flurry of awesomely telegraphed punches Wallace turned purple from lack of oxygen and spent the better part of three rounds on his back getting punched in the face, ribs and ear. Lucky for him Jared Hamman packs the punching power of a rusty AAA battery and was unable to mount enough offense to earn a stoppage.

“First (and last) Fight in the UFC” fight of the night: Rousimar Palhares def. Tomasz Drwal via submission (heel hook)

Not much to say here other than Palhares, in his first UFC fight, latched in a heel-hook on Drwal who quickly began tapping, screaming and tapping a bunch more. This apparently wasn’t enough of a clue for Palhares to let up, nor was the ref yanking on his arm and eventually wrapping his arms around him and peeling him off Drwal’s now dislocated knee. Nice job, Palhares! For his efforts Palhares was banned from fighting in New Jersey for 90 days and will, in all likelihood, never fight in the UFC again. Enjoy fighting for food with broken glass-wrapped hands in the back alleys of Sao Paolo, buddy!

Main Card

As for the main card of fights, there is not much to tell. John Fitch fought an outclassed Ben Saunders, a late replacement for Thiago Alves who was scratched due to an irregular cat-scan and bad tattoos, and defeated him in typical fashion. This means a technical, boring-ass fight where Fitch took Saunders down at will, laid on him and threw a bunch of ineffective punches while looking for a submission that never materialized… for three rounds. It was scintillating. I was so enthralled that I only left the couch 14 different times to go and watch the bug-zapper outside.

Mir vs. Carwin took it up a notch, though. This fight answered a lot of questions about Mir, namely “can he compete with the new breed of Heavyweight; the guys who have to cut weight to make the 265lbs limit?” The answer to that question was answered by Carwin manhandling Mir, and tossing him around the ring like a rag-doll. Even with the 25lbs that he added, Mir was unable to muster any resistance at all other than scrambling, getting punched in the face, and then scrambling some more. The fight ended much in the same way that his fight against Lesnar did: with one of his arms trapped against his side and punches from toaster-sized fists crashing into his skull. Carwin cemented himself as a legitimate title-contender and Mir was left to wonder what his next step will be. He is still young but he is too big to be a light-heavyweight and he has proven to be much too small to compete with the likes of Carwin and Lesnar. I would not be surprised if he starts making the transition to full-time commentator duties; lord knows we could all use a break from Goldberg’s incessant ramblings and Oompa-Loompa skin.

That brings us to GSP vs. Hardy. GSP put on a takedown clinic throughout the 5 round affair, form-tackling Hardy whenever the fight threatened to actually turn into… a fight. Hardy did his best to keep the fight standing up, but when you’re fighting a guy who walks around at a ripped-up 190lbs and you are a pasty doughy 175 things are not going to go your way. You’ve heard of the term ‘textbook knowledge of…’ right? It describes someone having a encyclopedic knowledge about a certain subject or skill. Well hardy is the antithesis of the phrase ‘textbook knowledge of takedown defense’. He seemed unprepared to the point of hilarity when it came to stuffing GSP’s takedowns and eventually tired from the mere act of standing back up so many times after being tackled into next week.

And those were just the takedowns. While he was actually on the ground Hardy proved that his one ability –the lone bright-spot for him in this fight—is to withstand extreme amounts of pain. He was put in a total of three locked-in arm submissions –one armbar and two Kimuras—that put his right arm in positions that would make a Yoga instructor vomit. After 5 rounds St. Pierre looked like he had been out for a light jog, while Hardy sported a slightly bruised face, a useless right arm and ribs that looked like they had been attacked with a meat-tenderizer. Despite this, the crowd had swung decidedly in his favor throughout the course of the fight. Maybe it was because he refused to give up, or maybe it was because he was the one trying to have a standup fight while GSP was resigned to putting on a wrestling clinic, and a fairly boring one at that. Either way two things were proved on Saturday. One is that no one can challenge GSP at this weight class right now; he has become dominant to the point of boredom. The other is that Hardy has the ground game of a broken-winged pigeon and the combination of the two does not make for a good fight.

That is all. Back to my afternoon of pillow-fighting sorority girls in the back of my Lear Jet.

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Finn's Preview & Predictions: UFC 111 Fight Breakdown

After basking in the glow of my mostly semi-correct fight predictions from this last weekend’s UFC matches I decided it was time to zip up my footie-pajamas and write a truly hard-hitting preview article for next weekend’s UFC 111. Five hours and innumerable fits and starts later I finally found a winning combination: actually watching a few of each fighter’s previous fights and developing a prediction based around their skill-set and a little bit of intuition. Now let’s see if research can trump the random guesswork and coin-flipping that I based my picks on last week. And yes, research in adult-sized footie-pajamas –while a little unorthodox—is still research. I looked it up, using science and graphs and everything.


Georges St. Pierre vs. Dan Hardy

This should be a great fight, but one who’s outcome I don’t have any doubt about. Having said that, get ready for pre-fight prediction cop-out #1. Are you ready? Here it is: Dan Hardy has a ‘puncher’s chance’ in fighting Georges St. Pierre, but I expect GSP to dominate this match.

Do you see what I did there? I made a fight prediction stating one thing but prefaced it with a condition that covers me should the fight go the other direction. Genius! While aligning myself with a St. Pierre victory I have nevertheless left a small amount of wiggle room with the first half of that sentence; now, if Hardy manages to land a lucky punch or just simply out boxes St. Pierre I can point to that sentence and claim that I predicted the outcome. Granted, if Hardy beats St. Pierre on the ground or murders him with a robot-army and a tazer, then I am truly S.O.L. Still, George St. Pierre is head-and-shoulders above Dan Hardy in nearly every facet of MMA and should have no problem putting him away and avoiding the same type of fluke KO that caused him to lose his belt to Matt Serra two years ago.

GSP via TKO in the 3rd round.


Frank Mir vs. Shane Carwin

Now here’s what we like to see: two 260lbs. guys with hands the size of car-batteries punching each other in the face. While both Carwin and Mir each possess amazing ground skills –Mir has a stellar all-around ground game based on BJJ and wrestling, while Carwin’s strength is based almost entirely on his wrestling prowess and physical resemblance to a shaved Grizzly bear—these skills should serve to cancel each other out and leave each fighter winging punches at each other in the middle of the ring.

Mir has shown a substantial improvement in his stand-up as of late. He knocked out the previously un-knockouttable (I don’t care what you say spell-check, it’s a word) Antonio ‘Minotauro’ Noguiera before his brutal loss to Brock Lesnar, and then bounced back by dismantling Cheik Kongo in less time than it takes most people to tie their shoes. It was quick victory for Mir that was predicated on a vicious uppercut that knocked Kongo flat on his ass and left him open for the Guillotine-choke that ended the fight. For years Mir’s ability to win was entirely based upon taking his opponent to the mat and tying different parts of their body in to knots until they were forced to tap-out. Now that he has stand-up to go with his ground game he has evolved into a truly formidable fighter.

Being able to place himself back atop the Heavyweight division will be based on the next step in his evolution: whether or not he can bulk up and compete with the true 260lbs giants of the sport, Carwin and Lesnar. Ever since his devastating loss to Lesnar, Mir has been on a mission to never be put at such a strength disadvantage again. He has worked on his strength, adding 25lbs. to his already sizeable frame. Whether Mir can adapt to carrying this extra weight is a big question mark going into this fight. Thankfully for Mir, I don’t think that Carwin is going to be the guy to put his conditioning to the ultimate test. Shane Carwin is undefeated in the octagon, winning his first 11 fights in a grand total time of 12 minutes and 22 seconds. That comes out to just under 1:08 per fight! That’s barely enough time for the color-commentator, Mike Goldberg, to say something completely asinine (as he is contractually obligated to do) and for Joe Rogan to take a deep breath, sigh, and call him an idiot.

Mir via TKO in the 1st round; Rogan via Goldberg ineptitude more times than your DVR has room for.


Jon Fitch vs. Thiago Alves

This fight is interesting in the fact that Fitch and Alves have met once already, albeit much earlier in their careers. Their 2006 meeting was dominated by Fitch’s ground game and ability to take Thiago down almost at will and was ended via TKO after a vicious upkick that sent Alves sprawling and unable to answer the punches that Fitch then rained down on him. Since that night both men have only one loss each on their respective resumes: unanimous decision losses to the same man, Georges St. Pierre. But while Fitch dropped a fight in which he was simply all-around outclassed by GSP’s athleticism and ability to stuff any and all takedowns, Alves lost much the same way that he did to Fitch: he was taken down a total of 10 times in the fight and proved completely ineffectual in his ability to sprawl or fight off of his back. While both men are quite a bit more seasoned than they were almost four years ago when they first met, the aspects of their respective games that will dictate the outcome of this fight have not changed much at all. Fitch is still a much bigger and more powerful fighter with vicious takedowns and Alves is still a stand-up Muy Thai fighter that only has enough BJJ to not completely embarrass himself once he inevitably gets put on his back.

Fitch via General ground-and-poundery in the 3rd

What time is it? 3pm? Must be time to put on some clothes and play some video games; I’ve earned it.

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Preview & Predictions: UFC Debuts on Versus

While I had already been planning to watch the UFC’s first foray onto the VS channel this weekend, several contributing factors have made it a virtual certainty. One was my nearly separating my left foot from the rest of my body via playing soccer in what might as well have been clogs. The other was that I recently discovered that the white metal thing I had been using as a bookshelf in my kitchen was, in fact, an oven. Add together the winning combination of my left leg being encased in a boot that looks like something out of Robotech and pizza rolls from my newly discovered oven and the odds are 100-to-eggplant that I will be watching an evening full of face-punchery on March 21st. Needless to say, if I’m going to watch several hours of what my girlfriend refers to as ‘man-sex’ then I need to at least know enough about the fights to be condescending to those around me. Thus, several hours of video-perusin’ and internettin’ have netted the following highly opinions which you should now pay me for.

No? Commie.

Fine...Be that way. No charge, but I’m thinking bad thoughts about you. Specifically things involving your genitals and my kicking them.

Brandon Vera vs. Jon Jones

The headlining fight between Jon Jones and Brandon Vera is shaping up to be an exciting fight, both men having unorthodox styles and enter this weekend ‘needing a win’. Vera’s last fight was a lackluster affair vs. Randy Couture that ended in a controversial unanimous decision while Jones’ last fight was a disqualification loss vs. Matt Hamil.

It is the disqualification loss for Jones that troubles me about Jones’ chances in this fight: despite dominating the fight, Jones showed his lack of cage-seasoning and discipline in landing several illegal 12-6 elbow strikes that weren’t even close to being legit. It is this lack of discipline and basic cage/MMA knowledge that could end up being the deciding factors in this fight. Vera is a cagey veteran who has shown an ability to stick to a game-plan that exploits the weaknesses of an opponent and lessens his own. Contrast this with Jones, who, despite his height/reach advantage and explosiveness has shown a wild-streak in the ring and the odds may swing in Vera’s favor. Unless Jones completely overwhelms Vera in the opening round or reins-in his trademark unpredictability I can’t see him sticking to a game-plan long enough to keep ‘The Truth’ from finding his range and picking him apart. Win or lose, someone needs to interview Vera after the fight and ask the question that we’re all begging to ask: what in the screaming monkey-hell is that gibberish tattooed on your back and does it really mean “Eggroll Combo #16”? The people need to know.

Vera via Decision

Dos Santos vs. Gonzaga

This is a fight that has all the makings for a grappler vs. striker fight that the UFC has become so fond of recently, pitting Gonzaga’s ground game against Dos Santos’ stand-up. Gonzaga has the better Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu skills, sporting a black-belt from Chute Box Academy but has shown an inability to keep strong grapplers (a la Shane Carwin) pinned on the mat for long, while Dos Santos is far superior in stand-up with an 18-0 kickboxing record in Brazil. While this type of stand-up vs. grappler pairing has made for some eventful and unpredictable fights it is Gonzaga’s loss to Carwin that may provide Dos Santos with the ultimate roadmap to victory.

Wait, you don’t know what I’m talking about? Go ahead and google Gonzaga vs. Carwin on the interwebs, I’ll wait.

Are you back? That knockout is ridiculous, isn’t it? Carwin’s hand travels about three inches and nearly separates Gonzaga’s head from his body. The fact that Dos Santos is an elite heavyweight kickboxer and has a physique that closely resembles Carwin’s truck-engine-with-limbs appearance makes me wonder about Gonzaga’s chances.

Apart from his stunning win over a diminishing CroCop, Gonzaga has shown a propensity to lose standup battles against game opponents. His knockout loss to Carwin should serve to be the blueprint for a Dos Santos victory as Gonzaga has admitted to training heavily in stand-up and kick boxing leading into this fight and may be more easily coaxed into slinging leather than taking it to the ground. The fact that two of Gonzaga’s four losses came at the hands of Fabricio Werdum, whom Dos Santos uppercut straight out of the ring and the UFC not too long ago, does not swing the odds in Gonzaga’s favor either.

Dos Santos via General Ass-kickery in round 1

Cheik Kongo vs. Paul Buentello

Kongo vs. Buentello strikes me as a fight between two guys who, while decent fighters in their own right, have always withered against top-tier talent. While at the time his decision victory over CroCop may have seemed impressive in 2007, hindsight has proven this to carry far less weight than it would have 4 years ago. Combine this with losses to Frank Mir, Cain Velazquez and Heath Herring and you begin to see a pattern develop. Kongo looks frightening as hell but when confronted with adaptable, versatile fighters his pulling off a victory is as likely as me getting out of a strip club without getting covered glitter and smelling of strawberry lip-smacker.

Lucky for Kongo, Paul Buentello is far from his days of being a top-tier fighter. Buentello is a heavier, more out of shape version of Chuck Lidell, refusing to do anything more than sling leather and sprawl when someone tries to take him down. In matching against Buentello vs. Kongo, who while he looks like the lovechild of an Army Tank and a Grizzly Bear has also shown a lack of adaptability and plodding footwork that opens him up to accurate strikers, you have the makings of either a quick, exciting fight or a boring, man-hugging snooze-fest.

Kongo via Decision.

Alessio Sakara vs. James Irvin

This is a pick ‘em. Both guys are going to do their best impression of Rock-em-Sock-em-Robots and stand in the middle of the ring with their eyes closed windmilling punches at each other. Flipping a coin will carry the same odds as this fight and probably last longer. What, you want me to pick one?

Fine: Sakara will win in 3.2 seconds, beating Frank Dux’s Kumite Record and pissing off Chong-Li.

Satisfied? Fine. I’m going to go and hobble into my kitchen and pull those books out of my oven before I forget. Those Choose Your Own Adventures aren’t going to move themselves.

-Posted by MMA contributor Finn

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Separated at Birth: Meathead & Meth-head

Dana White & Andre Agassi

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UFC Fight Night Analysis and Predictions (SPIKE TV)

By Brook “Heavy Hands” Taylor

Past UFC Fight Nights have provided some of the most exciting finishes because the free events, featured on SPIKE TV, usually feature young fighters not necessarily in title contention, looking to make a name for themselves. Example: Josh Koscheck KO’d Yoshiyuki Yoshida twice in one fight at the Fight for Troops Fight Night (Brutal).

Josh Koscheck vs. Yoshiyuki Yoshida @ www.mmajudo.net - Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

Tonight’s card includes some potentially explosive match ups so let’s get into it.

Nate Diaz vs. Melvin Guillard

The Diaz brothers, Nick and Nate, are the epitome of loud mouth Stockton street kids but difference between them and every other Affliction wearing jackhole in the Central Valley is these kids have been training Gracie Jui Jitsu and boxing since they were knee high to a duck. Translation: “I don’t give a f*ck” attitude combined with highly refined technical martial arts prowess. Dangerous! Melvin Guillard is a strong grappler and an explosive striker but he’s emotional and he gives up bad positions in a scramble. Look for the wiry Diaz to take some big shots on the feet but eventually drag Guillard to the ground and sink in a fight ending rear naked choke.

Diaz via 2nd Round Submission.

Roger Huerta vs. Gray Maynard

Roger “El Matador” Huerta has one fight left on his contract before he departs the UFC to try his overly moisturized, metro-sexual hand at acting. Gray Maynard is a huge lightweight who has incredible wrestling and has been diversifying his striking ability. Don’t get me wrong, Huerta is a good fighter and he has tons of heart but after a year long layoff and an expressed desire to quit the fight game, the UFC wasn’t about to line up a cupcake ‘walk-off homer’ for Huerta. Maynard is going to grind Huerta down, use his wrestling to slam ‘El Metro-dor’ into the cage, and eventually put those ambitious hands to work on the ground.

Maynard via 2nd Round TKO.

Carlos Condit vs. Jake Ellenberger

In case you didn’t know, the UFC has a sister fight league in the WEC. The best featherweight and bantamweight fighters are there and up until a year ago, they even had a welterweight division. Carlos Condit ruled the WEC welterweight division as champion for almost 2 years. Eventually they folded that division into the UFC and Condit ended up losing his UFC debut fight via a tough decision to Martin Kampmann. Why does any of this matter? Because Condit is the best welterweight most people have never heard of and he’s in the UFC to prove it. On the other hand, Ellenberger is just a welterweight know one has ever heard of and he’s making his UFC debut against a really dangerous competitor. Ellenberger is stout and strong but look for Condit to use his range to clip his opponent’s chin until he can close the distance, take him down and submit him.

Condit via 2nd Round Submission.

Also, tonight is the debut of The Ultimate Fighter 10, Heavyweights. Check out the 8 minute teaser or just wait until 10 PM for the entire episode.


Meet The Heavyweights

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Watch Kalib Run: Gina Carano and Oscar winning director team up for "Knockout"

The Best MMA Fighter NOT In The UFC: Gegard Mousasi (26-2)

By Brooks "Heavy Hands" Taylor

This past Saturday, Gegard Mousasi made is U.S debut, knocking out the Strikeforce Light Heavyweight Champion, Renato "Babalu" Sobral in exactly 1 minute. With a combined record of 26 wins and 2 losses, at the age of 24, he is hands down the most talented fighter not currently under contract with the UFC. Look for this kid to make a big name for himself in the very near future.

A highlight video detailing his rise to Light Heavy Weight dominance:



His destruction of Renato "Babalu" Sobral at Saturday’s Strikeforce event:



---

UPDATE: A few folks on Twitter invoked the name "Fedor" in response to this post. The author gives his thoughts...

Heavy Hands: "I never used the term P4P and I’m not a big fan. I said talented and Mousasi is as talented a fighter as MMA has right now with the exception of Anderson Silva and Lyoto Machida. Fedor is coddling his career lately and fighting UFC rejects. If you need a comparison, then look at it this way: both Fedor and Mousasi have fought Renato ‘Babalu’ Sobral. Fedor outweighed him by 20 lbs. and fought to a decision. Mousasi is a small 205 lbs. and he KO’d him in 60 seconds. Hmmm. And the kid is only 24."

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Spike TV to Feature "Best of Pride Fighting Championship" Series

By: Brook “Heavy Hands” Taylor

Spike TV on Monday announced a new weekly mixed martial arts series. “Best of Pride Fighting Championships” will premier on Sunday, Jan. 11, at 11 p.m. ET/PT, featuring bouts from the now defunct fighting organization, bought by the UFC in 2007.

Before going under, Japanese-based PRIDE FC featured the world’s greatest fighter, many of whom have transitioned to the UFC, including Anderson Silva, Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Dan Henderson, Mirko “Cro Cop” Filipovic, Wanderlei Silva, Fedor Emelianenko, Josh Barnett, Mauricio “Shogun” Rua, Mark Coleman, Frank Trigg, Hidehiko Yoshida, Akihro Gono, and Takanoro Gomi.

Check out the videos below, compiled by MMA Videographer and internet legend ‘Boondock.’ (Thousands of clowns have made MMA videos for YouTube but 'Boondock' was able to get the most incredible footage and match it with professional editing – DO NOT FORGET THE SOUND).

PRIDE Fighting Championships: Furious Angels by 'Boondock'

Furious Angels


PRIDE Fighting Championships: 3rd Man by 'Boondock'
(Unbelievable footage from the referee head cam)

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UFC 101: Analysis and Predictions

By: Brook “Heavy Hands” Taylor (Sacramento, CA)

Coming off a week that was dominated by the news that MMA’s white unicorn, the best heavyweight in the world Fedor Emelianenko, had shunned the UFC and signed with rival Strikeforce, UFC 101 has quietly arrived. And while the highly touted Russian cyborg will not be joining the stable of the world’s premier MMA organization, the UFC has no shortage of intriguing match ups to offer; including this Saturday’s card. Let’s start at the top of the card with the little guys.

UFC Lightweight Champion BJ Penn vs. Kenny Florian (155 lbs.)

This 5 round, lightweight title fight pits the division’s unquestioned #1 and #2. Current champ, BJ Penn, is coming off a January loss to welterweight champion George St. Pierre. Penn jumped up a weight class to avenge an earlier loss and was handed a 4 round beating by the Canadian that had Penn’s corner throwing in the towel before the final round and had the Hawaiian, Penn, eating a shit sandwich for all the smack he talked. Penn has come to terms with the loss and has returned to his natural weight class to prove he is still the king at 155 lbs.

In the challenger, Florian, you have an ever improving fighter that has rattled off 6 straight victories since he last fought for the lightweight title and lost to previous champ Sean Sherk. Florian has dominated all his fights, finishing 5 of them. After his last fight he emphatically called out the champ, screeching in his best Dustin Diamond voice, “I want BJ’s belt!!” (The guy is a lean 155 lb; he’s not going to sound like Bill Withers).

Penn is unquestionably talented and seems to have addressed many of his conditioning problems, bringing in USC QB Todd Marinivich’s crazy ass father Marv Marinivich to push the champ’s strength and conditioning. Marv is an elite trainer with a penchant for running his kids into the ground. He’s perfect for a phenom MMA fighter with an attitude problem like Penn, who until this point has surrounded himself with the dipshit squad from a cable access version of Entourage – all feeding his ego with pork sandwiches. Picture Damon Wayans in The Great White Hype – “Oh I’m in shape. I’m round.”

And while Florian is no Irish Terry Conklin (although he dos fight out of South Boston); a focused and well trained Penn is a dangerous man. The champ’s only weakness has been fighters who are bigger and stronger than him and Florian possesses neither of those attributes. Look for Penn to use his boxing until Florian can time his jab. At that point, Penn will look to put the challenger on his back and drop big, accurate punches to Florian’s head as it’s pressed against the mat. The champ will be patient while maintaining constant pressure until he closes out Florian with a flurry of strikes. Penn via 3^rd Round TKO.

Anderson Silva vs. Forrest Griffin (Light Heavyweight – 205 lbs.)

Anderson Silva is the most dangerous fighter in the world. It’s not hype; it’s consensus of fighters and fans and watching him perform to his full potential is scary. But that’s the problem – his last two fights he has not given 100% and turned in two questionable performances. The crazy thing is he still won both those fights! Much of the blame goes to his opponents who were undeniably scared. Hell, who wouldn’t be, the man can KO you from 15 different angles.

(This was before the UFC when he was still improving).

Saturday however, Silva moves up a weight class to face former light heavyweight champion Forrest Griffin who is coming off a loss to Rashad Evans. Griffin is a massive light heavyweight with an “I’ve got nothing to lose” type of attitude. He often jokes about being dumb and slow, but its all part of a self deprecating act that makes him one of the most well-liked fighters in the game. It’s well known that Griffin is the hardest working guy at one of the best gyms in the world, Xtreme Couture. He’s also a master tactician, constantly studying the art of fighting, reading and even publishing a NY Times Best Selling book, Got Fight. In his last 3 fights, Griffin has shown an ability to craft an effective game plan and frustrate his opponents by taking away their most feared weapons.

Anderson has a lot to prove in this fight, while Forrest only has to show he can hang with the best in the world. In many fights, that type of lopsided pressure would be a factor but for Silva, his focus has been tested and certified. The determining factor will be Silva’s pinpoint accuracy and Griffin’s penchant for head in the air brawling. Despite Silva being a true middleweight, he is still the tallest fighter Griffin has faced since being KO’d by Keith Jardine at UFC 66. Look or Forrest to try and box with the most feared striker in the world, using a lot of head movement and leg kicks. It would be wise for Griffin to try and wrestle Silva to the ground and control him, but the combination of Anderson’s 3^rd degree Jui Jitsu black belt and the pressure of wanting to bring the fight to Silva will keep it standing. Silva will wait for his moment to explode and will find holes in Griffin’s defense to fire jabs, uppercuts, low kicks, head kicks and the occasional spinning back kick. The dizzying combination will be too much for the outmatched Griffin and eventually he’ll hit the canvas, succumbing to the laser beam finishing striking that Anderson has shown in his best fights. Silva via 2^nd round TKO.

Ricardo Almeida vs. Kendall Grove (Middleweight – 185 lbs.)

Kendall Grove was the winner of the third season of The Ultimate Fighter and brings a hard nosed Hawaiian Muy Thai style. At 6’6”, he poses problems for any fighter but has struggled to find consistency. Ricardo Almeida is a member of the old guard of Brazilian UFC fighters making his UFC debut in 2001 at UFC 31. He’s a skilled Jui Jitsu practitioner but like Grove hasn’t been unable to convert that into a consistently successful style inside the octagon. This is a classic match up between a true striker and a true grappler, with the X factor being Grove’s length and reach. Look for Grove to try and keep his distance with the jab until Almeida can get the fight to the ground. Once there, don’t be surprised if Kendall uses that length to look for submission attempts. Grove won’t be able to close out but Almeida’s patience will keep him from gator rolling one of those long stems. The final horn will sound after 3 rounds of posturing with little action. Almeida via decision.

Johnny Hendricks vs. Amir Sadollah (Welterweight – 170 lbs.)

Sadollah made the most sensational run on the Ultimate Fighter 7, winning the show despite have zero pro fights beforehand. Since then, he’s struggled with injuries and has yet to compete. Hendricks is a tough wrestler with an undefeated record of 5-0. Both are looking to use this fight as a coming out party. While Sadollah proved he can overcome huge odds, much of that success was a product of the energy of coming off the show. Hendricks has had 2 good wins since Amir last competed and will be too much for the rusty Sadollah. Hendricks via Decision.

Josh Neer vs. Kurt Pellgrino (Lightweight – 155 lbs.)

Josh Neer is as tough as they come and has shown ever improving skill. Pellgrino is slick on the ground but Neer can match his submissions and best his strength and grit. Neer via 2^nd Round TKO.

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UFC 100 Preview

Special to HHR from Brook "Heavy Hands" Taylor

If you spent any time in the last week on-line or watching cable television you’ve seen a UFC 100 ad. Or, if you happen to be the purveyor of Sports by Brooks, you did everything in your power to bring down the Pay-Per-View juggernaut, all the while haranguing a Comcast representative to make sure the fights were sure to be broadcast at the residence of one Sour B. Puss because this is the PPV event to end all. As a long time UFC fan, I spent my week watching past fights, debating the importance of skill versus strength and reveling in the notion that a sport that was all but dead 8 years ago has become the most exciting regularly occurring spectacle since MJ left us last week. As UFC 100 approaches, fight fans around the world pontificate on the past, present and future, all the while knowing that the historic card represents significant implications for the hear and now.

Dan Henderson vs. Michael Bisping

Henderson vs. Bisping carries the weight of the most recent Ultimate Fighter reality show and the familiar battle of the U.S. vs. the U.K. Aside from that, the intrigue wears thin. Hendo is a former PRIDE champion and all around American badass with nothing to prove. The UK golden boy, Bisping, comes in riding a 3-fight win streak against questionable middleweight competition. If the Brit can shock the world, he becomes the next lamb sent to the slaughter against middleweight champion Anderson Silva. If Hendo does what most knows he can and out battles the cocky cockney, he simply disappoints the masses of soccer hooligans that have celebrated Bisping’s arrival since he was declared the face of UK MMA. (If you’ve seen the weathered mugs on the UK MMA circuit, then you know it could have been worse.) Look for Henderson to drop his chin and batter the Brit for three rounds, making a statement that American wrestlers that can brawl are still the toughest SOB’s around. Hendo via Unanimous Decision.

Welterweight Champion Georges St. Pierre vs. Thiago Alves

With all the hype and hysteria focused on the heavyweight match-up, many have overlooked the fact that Georges St. Pierre is facing his 15th top-10 welterweight challenger in 20 career fights. No champion has fought the same level of consistent competition and won. Thiago “The Pitbull” Alves is unquestionably the #1 contender having dismantled Karo Parysian, Matt Hughes and Josh Koscheck en route to earning the title shot. The Pitbull is a massive specimen with a stand up game that rivals fighters at light heavyweight and gave the best wrestlers, judokas and strikers in the division serious fits. GSP always enters the octagon with a customized gameplan and expect Saturday to be no different. Alves’ advantages, his size and power, will work in GSP’s favor as he will nullify them both with at least an entire first round of wrestling dominance. In the second round, Alves will be expecting more of the same, but GSP will look to use his range and out strike the younger challenger just long enough to find his take down and put Alves on his back. Once they are on the ground, GSP will look to punish the Brailian while looking for him to make a mistake and capitalize with a slick submission. Georges St. Pierre via 2nd round submission.

Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar vs. Frank Mir

Finally, WWE phenom Brock Lesnar will enter the cage for the his 5th career fight as a significant favorite against Frank Mir, the former UFC champ. Mir showed markedly improved stand up in his last fight, TKO’ing the seemingly invincible legend Antonio Minataruo Nogueira. Since their first fight in early 2008 in which Mir was able to catch Brock in a slow developing knee bar, Mir has been trying to convince anyone who will listen that he is the more well-rounded and more dynamic fighter. However, the odds makers aren’t buying it and have declared that Lesnar will be too much to handle come Saturday night. Lesnar has had two fights to Mir’s one since their last encounter and in that time, Lesnar spent 3 round dismantling the very experienced Heath Herring (a physical doppelganger to Mir) and also bludgeoned the legend Randy Couture during a 2 round drubbing. The Herring fight showed us that Lesnar can easily handle similarly imposing size and the Couture fight showed us that he can best strategy with raw power. Put those two fights together along with Lesnar’s unrelenting work ethic, and you have a seriously overmatched Mir. Expect Lesnar to come out with a similar game plan to the first fight. Having taken a few good shots during the Couture fight, Lesnar will be confident enough in his stand up to trade with Mir until he can land that huge 4 XL fist right and drop Mir to the mat. If Mir is dazed enough for Lesnar’s liking, he’ll drop down into a dominant ground position and stay there until the former champ is finished. Lesnar via 1st round TKO.

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Poor Man's David Blaine Joins Up with Poor Man's Vince McMahon

From Star Magazine:

Criss Angel may be a Master Illusionist, but is he ready for the ultimate challenge? Fans can tune in to see Criss attempt to teach Ultimate Fighting Championship President Dana White how to do a prediction of his own — with the use of a blindfold, a knife and a deck of cards!

The magic happens Wednesday, Aug. 27 at 10pm/ET on A&E's Criss Angel Mindfreak.

Personally, I am unimpressed by both men, but more so Angel.

When you can change orange soda into Cheezits, come talk to me.

Rampage Wants You to Vote

I thought I was seeing things on TV. I wasn't.

UFC has a "Fight For Your Ultimate Right" campaign. (And here I always thought it was "to party.")


Fight For Your Ultimate Right - VOTE

UFC for Kids?

Ultimate fights expand to include kids

The article starts with a thud and an attempt by the author to shoot down MMA with this little nugget of untruth that I think he frankly just made up.

But the sport often derided as "human cockfighting" is branching out.

Who calls it that? Your carpool at the AP? Last I checked, UFC and the rest are all sanctioned events, with a governing body, and supervised by doctors and officials. Cockfights are illegal in most countries and involve two roosters pecking the shit out of each other for no better reason than gambling and the enjoyment of Pedro Martinez.

Anyway, I am all for it. People complain when kids sit around watching TV and slapping their Wii around for hours yet discourage them from any physical activity. Then they bitch when kids get off their cans and go out and emulate their heroes without supervision. Now we are going to complain when they want to do it legitimately with the proper equipment and supervision?

You can't have it both ways.

If I ever find a woman dumb enough to father my children, I am going to have the kids signed up for self defense classes before he/she is old enough to watch Dora the Explorer.

Especially when you consider all the gun-toting, sports-avoiding, nut jobs he or she is going to be riding the bus with.

WWE.com Polling on Lesnar UFC Fight

In 2005 & 2006, the WWE and Brock Lesnar were embroiled in a legal dispute stemming from Lesnar's non-compete clause that extended to both pro wrestling and MMA. The dispute ended with a settlement in June 2006 and the case was dropped.

Now, can the WWE be looking to capitalize on their former star and his new profession depending on the outcome of Lesnar's UFC debut this Saturday? Why else would they promote a former employee who left on bitter terms on the main page of their website?