The Cynic: Paris Streaks

(There, that title should drive up our Google rankings.)

Long, long ago Saturday Night Live used to be funny without the help of Sarah Palin. One of my memories of the late, great Phil Hartman was the “Super Colon Blow” skit below.

It’s all about one-upping the competition. And nowhere is that truer than in the world of sports. Well, now we have the Super Colon Blow of sports records. One so ridiculous that it will never be approached, let alone broken, in this lifetime or the next.

U. of Oklahoma women’s basketball star Courtney Paris’ streak of consecutive double-doubles ended Monday night at 112 games during OU’s win over Pat Summitt and the Tennessee Lady Vols. That number is impressive enough by itself, but it becomes absolutely mindboggling when you consider this: the second-longest streak in history is 19 games by Old Dominion star Anne Donovan in 1982-83.

To put Paris’ streak into some historical context, examine some other “unbreakable” records. Below is a chart with some of the most impressive sports records of all time, along with what I’ll call “the Colon Blow factor” (CBF). You know, “you’d have to break a record by this much to have the same status as Courtney Paris.”



While I imagine that the majority of our readers (myself included) don’t consider themselves true aficionados of women’s hoops, you gotta admit that is one hell of a record.

This is Courtney’s world. The rest of us just live in it.

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Youk Errs After Tying Error-Free Mark

Unaware that he just made history, after tying the great Stuffy McInnis' mark of 1,700 chances without a miscue at first base, the Greek God of Walks "tossed the ball to a fan, as he usually does when he ends an inning."

Youkilis went on to break the record later in the game.

Other Notable Absences

• Bobby Bonilla: Was in the clubhouse playing cards
• Rickey Henderson: Was in the Clubhouse playing dominoes
• Wade Boggs: Was on a plane threatening to kick a flight attendant's fat lips in.
• Gary U.S. Bonds: Was dancing til quarter til 3.
• Peter Gammons: He's not a nice person. Don't ever forget that.
  

Stopping Plate Tectonics II

I'M FROM QUEENS, NEW YORK!

(Lisa Blumenfeld/Getty Images)

The inevitable happened again last night. (Damn Plate Tectonics).

While much ado was made of the anticipated absences of Selig and Aaron, not much was made of the following not being present:

• His 1986 cap size
• Greg Anderson
• Sammy & Mark - Barry's inspirations
• Gary Sheffield's Chef
• Bobby (Barry always seemed to revere Willie much more anyway).
• Cole Hamels - "Mike Bacsik, I served with Cole Hamels. I knew Cole Hamels. Cole Hamels was a friend of mine. Mike Bacsik, you're no Cole Hamels."
• Billy "It ain't cheatin' if you don't get caught" Martin
• Kimberly Bell (We'll be seeing plenty of her soon, though)
• A Giants victory
• The Rabid Wolverine
  

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